There is hardly anything better than waking up at the crack of dawn and making some English breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, a bit of toast with marmalade, and a large mug of Earl Grey tea. And what better way to enjoy this feast than by eating it whilst you read the morning newspapers?
Unfortunately, some newspaper headlines can make us do a spit-take and drench the entire page in delicious tea (splash of milk, no sugar). You know the type of headlines that I mean: unintentionally amusing, very silly, and quite obvious how stupid they are if the overworked editors would look at them with a pair of fresh eyes.
Our team at Bored Panda has run, flown, and swum all over the planet looking for hilarious and idiotic newspaper articles, all for your amusement. So put your reading glasses on, scroll down, and upvote the headlines you enjoyed. We’d love to hear about any peculiar and giggle-worthy headlines that you’ve come across; even better if you’ve come up with them yourselves!
This post may include affiliate links.
I adore newspapers, just like I love books, writing things in notebooks, watering my ficus tree, and sketching on real paper. They’re real things that don’t disappear once the power goes out, the internet goes down, or the moment a zombie outbreak starts (Max Brooks’ ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’ will be worth its weight in gold then and I keep it by my bed at all times). However, times are changing. More and more news and entertainment can be found in the digital world. Which means that the print media industry is slowly declining.
You mean, in reality they hide them in some forest barns? That sounds reasonable!
Load More Replies...
Not as dumb as you might think: submarines are generally stored on land when not in use... But yea its still a goofy headline...
Surely the submarines are kept carefully hidden in the china cabinet
Holy S**t who would've thought? I was wondering why we don't see them in the air!
Hopefully for long enough to kill the crew (no air, food, water). They try to hide and threat eliminated! Also this is not world war 2...hiding under water cannot truly hide from modern surveillance technology!
Not sure if this is true... Lately, I saw a Chinees "supmarine" high in the sky... Illusions, maybe???
Maybe they've invented a submarine that moves through the air; like a tube that carries people and military stuff from one place to another. It might need flat structures attached to the sides (maybe for stability, but I don't know. I'm not an engineer in aquatic machinery). That would be so cool!
I THINK one of those "Subs," according to this article, "is tracking their submarines in the open ocean." Too bad we can't all just get ALONG!!
*Gasp!* It's been right under our noses!!! MEN!! GET PERSHING ON THE PHONE!!!
Actually, they're just hiding them above the clouds. Has no one noticed?
Nah man, they're all in Tibet, waiting for the movie 2012 to come true, and flood the world
Man, I thought they were hiding them in the pool!? I guess I better go move mine then. LOL
Its a trick. While we're looking for submarines in the sea they are actually overhead in the sky.
CIA informants believe the Chinese Air Force may experimenting with flying ones.
Ah, I see the "Stop being poor" idealism never seems to grow out of fashion.
For example, in 2018, weekday print newspaper circulation in the United States decreased by 12 percent, while Sunday circulation fell by 13 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.
What this means is that on Sundays, when most Americans have more free time, they’d rather do something else than buy a newspaper; like browse the internet.
It also says Exclusive to all newspapers and asks for contact from people who have seen her in Morocco. What trash-rag is this?
And the situation is only getting worse for newspaper journalists and other staff members. Based on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Occupational Employment Statistics, in 2018, 37,900 people worked in the newspaper industry as reporters, editors, photographers, film or video editors. That is 14 percent fewer employees than in 2015, and a whopping 47 percent less than in 2004.
Do you think that newspapers have a future, dear Readers? Would you like to see a Bored Panda newspaper? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!
Holding text that someone forgot to change. Often says Lorem Ipsum dolor...
On a separate note, that’s awesome! Means society is finally getting somewhere!
Probably laughing at how they look - some people pull some great faces when they're singing. Just look at people in cars at traffic lights singing away... look mad.
This one's actually not too bad, when you think of all the perils caused by earthquakes. The ground splitting open, fires from broken gas mains, tsunamis.....
Now what essential information you are missing here is that the Metro Herald is an Irish newspaper, very few of us know what the sun looks like!!!
Note: this post originally had 102 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
I am surprised there isn't many from the NT (northern territory) News. They are renowned for their funny headlines. A few examples are "why I stuck a cracker up my clacker", "Catnappers shaved my pussy", "trouser snake on a plane", "check out my flaps" and "game of phones" etc
Quite a few of these are actually good. Funny, Ironic or purposefully obtuse, but good.
These were a good laugh for sure! I'm so glad I'm from Utah and the news with Poison Control reminds us all 'Not to take poison'!
Most countries have socially accepted tradions of poisoning yourself. So a reminder is not that bad.
Load More Replies...
Our local paper here in Niagara Falls, Canada just published a headline reading, "Homeless sex offender sentenced to house arrest"
Newspaper in Houston posted today ‘“Death was too good for him” says stepmother of slain 16-year-old teen in Humble’. Taken out of context it sounds like she’s an evil person, but the victim was her stepdaughter.
Sure, they're funny... But I read most of these years ago. Where have YOU been?
Great headlines! I saw one a few years ago in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, it read: WOMAN HIT IN SNATCH
Can I get a job with one of these, actually proofreading instead of just collecting the salary?
Once, while crossing the midwest, my husband and I spotted a newspaper with this headline: "Today's Weather. Is It Out Of Control?" I so wish we'd bought a copy!
A quick note to inform the general public that era of HEPATITIS has come to an end. Dr. Iyabiye has the cure, it is available and I am a testimony to it. I lived with the disease for years until December last year when I met someone who was treated and cure by the doctor, she gave me his contact and I did tried him and his medication worked for me. Contact him now for help through; iyabiyehealinghome@gmail.com phone +234-815-857-7300
I am surprised there isn't many from the NT (northern territory) News. They are renowned for their funny headlines. A few examples are "why I stuck a cracker up my clacker", "Catnappers shaved my pussy", "trouser snake on a plane", "check out my flaps" and "game of phones" etc
Quite a few of these are actually good. Funny, Ironic or purposefully obtuse, but good.
These were a good laugh for sure! I'm so glad I'm from Utah and the news with Poison Control reminds us all 'Not to take poison'!
Most countries have socially accepted tradions of poisoning yourself. So a reminder is not that bad.
Load More Replies... Our local paper here in Niagara Falls, Canada just published a headline reading, "Homeless sex offender sentenced to house arrest"
Newspaper in Houston posted today ‘“Death was too good for him” says stepmother of slain 16-year-old teen in Humble’. Taken out of context it sounds like she’s an evil person, but the victim was her stepdaughter.
Sure, they're funny... But I read most of these years ago. Where have YOU been?
Great headlines! I saw one a few years ago in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, it read: WOMAN HIT IN SNATCH
Can I get a job with one of these, actually proofreading instead of just collecting the salary?
Once, while crossing the midwest, my husband and I spotted a newspaper with this headline: "Today's Weather. Is It Out Of Control?" I so wish we'd bought a copy!
A quick note to inform the general public that era of HEPATITIS has come to an end. Dr. Iyabiye has the cure, it is available and I am a testimony to it. I lived with the disease for years until December last year when I met someone who was treated and cure by the doctor, she gave me his contact and I did tried him and his medication worked for me. Contact him now for help through; iyabiyehealinghome@gmail.com phone +234-815-857-7300
