There is hardly anything better than waking up at the crack of dawn and making some English breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, a bit of toast with marmalade, and a large mug of Earl Grey tea. And what better way to enjoy this feast than by eating it whilst you read the morning newspapers?

Unfortunately, some newspaper headlines can make us do a spit-take and drench the entire page in delicious tea (splash of milk, no sugar). You know the type of headlines that I mean: unintentionally amusing, very silly, and quite obvious how stupid they are if the overworked editors would look at them with a pair of fresh eyes.

Our team at Bored Panda has run, flown, and swum all over the planet looking for hilarious and idiotic newspaper articles, all for your amusement. So put your reading glasses on, scroll down, and upvote the headlines you enjoyed. We’d love to hear about any peculiar and giggle-worthy headlines that you’ve come across; even better if you’ve come up with them yourselves!

#1

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
11 months ago

Rarely!?

Zenozenobee
Community Member
11 months ago

Well not all police unities have an alison Dubois or a Jess Mastriani in thir rank yet ;p

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Sergio Bicerra
Community Member
11 months ago

So, police don't use ouija boards any more?

Vic
Community Member
11 months ago

I'm interested in knowing more about the ones that do..🤔🤔

Hard 2 Guess
Community Member
11 months ago

Yes, this is exactly I was going to say. Let's talk about homicide victims that do talk.

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Kathy Baylis
Community Member
11 months ago

It’s not unheard of for the cops to arrive at the scene as the victim is dying, and manage to get some kind of statement about who attacked them and why right before they succumb to their injuries. It’s the only situation I can think of that fits—-not very common, but not unheard of.

louis porter
Community Member
10 months ago

Gotta get Whoopi from Ghost into the police station more often.

Minx McCloud
Community Member
11 months ago

Yes, they are strangely silent as they lie there on the morgue slab.

IzzieM
Community Member
11 months ago

I guess not all of them know how to communicate through psychics.

Tracy Moorhead
Community Member
11 months ago

Thank God, how scary would that be?!?

Stevie B
Community Member
11 months ago

I'm very concerned about the ones that do speak...

Slune
Community Member
11 months ago

Yeah, I had always wondered why they are not a bit cooperative.

Ana Miranda @ Lisbon, Portugal
Community Member
11 months ago

LOL

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tuzdayschild
Community Member
11 months ago

So some do talk?

Ari
Community Member
11 months ago

Indeed, "Silence is golden" at the police station...

Zania Erso
Community Member
11 months ago

Really? I thought they always did...

Lucinda Overhoussen
Community Member
11 months ago

People talk before they die, time between attack and death can be years with medical advances. Which was why they got rid of the "year and a day" rule between attack n and death.

Kathy Baylis
Community Member
11 months ago

It’s not unheard of for cops to arrive at the scene as the victim is dying, and get some sort of description of the perpetrator and motive for the crime right before they succumb to their injuries. It’s the only scenarios that would fit—-not very common, but not unheard of.

Luis Hernandez Dauajare
Community Member
11 months ago

I am afraid of the ones who actually do...

Berengaria Adams
Community Member
11 months ago

What do you mean, RARELY

Lyop
Community Member
11 months ago

Well, we thank God for that!

Jacob/Becca Gizmo the Squirrel
Community Member
11 months ago

That is exactly what ran through my head!

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Kathi Keegan Chang
Community Member
3 months ago

Serioiusly? This "entertainment" is fascinating......

Josie
Community Member
7 months ago

I wonder why HMMM

ZoeIsHahaha
Community Member
9 months ago

Yyyyyep, it's a quiet crowd in the afterlife.

Onyinye Odimmegwa
Community Member
9 months ago

Gee, I wonder why

Id row
Community Member
9 months ago

Reminds me of, "Search of cemetery uncovers dead bodies".

TC
Community Member
10 months ago

They'd rather keep their mouths shut

Sam Rose
Community Member
10 months ago

Rarely, cause remember that one police officer who was also a medium?

Blaise Meloche
Community Member
11 months ago

The real question is: why are police "talking" to them when they are dead?!

Ana Miranda @ Lisbon, Portugal
Community Member
11 months ago

Are must be affraid of revenge!! ahahah

Living_Shadow
Community Member
11 months ago

Dang, I seriously wonder why

78thStitch
Community Member
11 months ago

Do they talk to anyone?

Galeladi Runningbrook
Community Member
11 months ago

Duh!!

John Doe
Community Member
11 months ago

I see dead people... rarely.

Kitsune
Community Member
11 months ago

Never!

Bonny Saxon
Community Member
11 months ago

It is hard for them to open up (their caskets!) . . . (I'll leave quietly)

Bonny Saxon
Community Member
11 months ago

It is hard for them to open up (their caskets)! (I'll leave quiety)

Jeffersontown Animal Clinic
Community Member
11 months ago

ok what lol

Ørjan Egeland
Community Member
11 months ago

No shit Sherlock 🤣👍

Ørjan Egeland
Community Member
11 months ago

No shit Sherlock 🤣

Andrew Huang
Community Member
11 months ago

They only talk to paranormal investigator

Marie Munoz
Community Member
11 months ago

ROFL geez, ya think?

Diana Cartwright
Community Member
11 months ago

I'm REALLY interested then in the ones that do!

Hillary Stone
Community Member
11 months ago

Ya think!?

Diana Hockley
Community Member
11 months ago

By seance? LOL

Donna Bandy
Community Member
11 months ago

I should say not, they are dead, most of them, LOL

You like my post.
Community Member
11 months ago

The ones that do are pretty pissed.

JJM
Community Member
11 months ago

Gee! - really

JJM
Community Member
11 months ago

Ya Think!

Sue Clifford
Community Member
11 months ago

Sometimes?

Ju Li
Community Member
11 months ago

Let´s keep it that way please.

Linda Sellers
Community Member
11 months ago

Omg.

Kathy Young
Community Member
11 months ago

Stupid

Lawrence Erdile
Community Member
11 months ago

Who knew?

Cindy Collins
Community Member
11 months ago

Hmmmmm I wonder why?

Kacey Pounds
Community Member
11 months ago

oml why XD

OTTER
Community Member
11 months ago

I can just imagine the look on Spock’s face... “hmmm, that’s logical “

Stephen Anderson
Community Member
11 months ago

This is baffling to me. Just because they're dead doesn't mean they can't say something...

Steve Prince
Community Member
11 months ago

The should be charged with obstruction and failure to obey the police!

Jeff Requier
Community Member
11 months ago

If you die After being taken to the hospital by succumbing to your injuries

Steve Prince
Community Member
11 months ago

They should be charged with obstruction!

Ryo Bakura
Community Member
11 months ago

No wonder we can't find Jimmy Hoffa.

Arran Walker
Community Member
11 months ago

I’d like to know about the homicide victims (not the “attempted homicide” victims, mind you, but the homicide victims) who talk to the police....

Kim Bush
Community Member
11 months ago

Let's have a seance. Is Etta Mae from Ghost available?

Jim Steele
Community Member
11 months ago

say it ain't so, wait i guess you can't

Niels-Erik Frandsen
Community Member
11 months ago

No shit, Kojak!

Bettye McKee
Community Member
11 months ago

Those deadbeats! Why won't they cooperate?

Kristin Haskins
Community Member
11 months ago

"Rarely"? "RARELY"???? I'm glad that I wasn't swallowing my coffee when I read that, or there'd be another "silent victim"...L!O!L!

Rezo Kaishauri
Community Member
11 months ago

You don't say...

Kelly Hartle
Community Member
11 months ago

Maybe if they tried an ouiji board...

Jens Andersen
Community Member
11 months ago

I see dead people... and they speak to me, sometimes 😂

David KH Wong
Community Member
11 months ago

The victims need psychics to translate.

Ren Duvall
Community Member
11 months ago

This reminds of a reporter who said something about a dead man not being available for comment

debrina blackmoon
Community Member
11 months ago

how many zombies go to the cops? do some get interrogated?

Donna Reynolds
Community Member
11 months ago

But when they do...yikes!

nala simba
Community Member
11 months ago

I wonder why!

nala simba
Community Member
11 months ago

I wonder why?

Christina Sersif
Community Member
11 months ago

You don’t say

Ruke Onemu
Community Member
11 months ago

I wonder why?

Bears Kitten
Community Member
11 months ago

Very uncooperative, those recently murdered. Rude, almost.

Bears Kitten
Community Member
11 months ago

Very uncooperative, those recently murdered. Rude almost... Sheesh

rhyan lumilay
Community Member
11 months ago

They should be polite enough to talk to our mister police.

Analyn Lahr
Community Member
11 months ago

Unless the police are also mediums.

Freya the Wanderer
Community Member
11 months ago

Except by medium or Ouija board. :D

Lucy Shupe
Community Member
11 months ago

Well maybe they should just use a medium.

BiLal Asif
Community Member
11 months ago

I would be worried when they start talking

Saara-Elina Kaukiainen
Community Member
11 months ago

I wonder why?

Brian Leahy
Community Member
11 months ago

And it's really creepy when they do

Edgar Rops
Community Member
11 months ago

I wonder why...

AzKhaleesi
Community Member
11 months ago

Oh my......

deanna woods
Community Member
11 months ago

That probably has something to do with the fact that they are a homicide victim.

Kjorn
Community Member
11 months ago

this is why they have psychics

Link
Community Member
11 months ago

So what you're saying is I can preform necromancy?! Yes!

Eirik Johnsbråten
Community Member
11 months ago

Rarely...?

Holly Havis
Community Member
11 months ago

When I talk to a cop I always die of boredom anyway.

Steven Rowan
Community Member
11 months ago

You only found 40?!!.. Have a look at the sports pages of the Scottish newspapers since 14th Feb 2012. That was the day that, after cheating the taxman out of £90 million, Glasgow Rangers were liquidated. Since then, they have mysteriously risen from the dead, and in their 7th year of playing as a new club, they are aiming to win their 55th league title!

Louise Stange-Wahl
Community Member
11 months ago

...but they WILL talk to your neighborhood psychic!

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#2

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
11 months ago

Good thing he/she didn't become an engineer, then...

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#3

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Tracy Moorhead
Community Member
11 months ago

We're doing something right!!

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I adore newspapers, just like I love books, writing things in notebooks, watering my ficus tree, and sketching on real paper. They’re real things that don’t disappear once the power goes out, the internet goes down, or the moment a zombie outbreak starts (Max Brooks’ ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’ will be worth its weight in gold then and I keep it by my bed at all times). However, times are changing. More and more news and entertainment can be found in the digital world. Which means that the print media industry is slowly declining.

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Alex Bailey
Community Member
11 months ago

Or maybe even 20.

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#5

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Danish Dynomummy
Community Member
11 months ago

Ah, I see what they did there

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#6

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SlenderSherbet Report

Tracy Moorhead
Community Member
11 months ago

Perhaps that's just what they want us to think!!

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For example, in 2018, weekday print newspaper circulation in the United States decreased by 12 percent, while Sunday circulation fell by 13 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.

What this means is that on Sundays, when most Americans have more free time, they’d rather do something else than buy a newspaper; like browse the internet.

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Kristi S.
Community Member
11 months ago

Oh, wow! That must 've been unexpected..

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#8

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Alex Bailey
Community Member
11 months ago

It also says Exclusive to all newspapers and asks for contact from people who have seen her in Morocco. What trash-rag is this?

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#9

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
11 months ago

Wow! Jesus has come back!

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And the situation is only getting worse for newspaper journalists and other staff members. Based on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Occupational Employment Statistics, in 2018, 37,900 people worked in the newspaper industry as reporters, editors, photographers, film or video editors. That is 14 percent fewer employees than in 2015, and a whopping 47 percent less than in 2004.

Do you think that newspapers have a future, dear Readers? Would you like to see a Bored Panda newspaper? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

#10

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Lyop
Community Member
11 months ago

You don't say!

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#11

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Alex Bailey
Community Member
11 months ago

Holding text that someone forgot to change. Often says Lorem Ipsum dolor...

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#12

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Tracy Moorhead
Community Member
11 months ago

That's why they're in charge of money and not literacy!

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#13

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IzzieM
Community Member
11 months ago

Bugs crawling around with feet are crawling bugs.

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#14

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Alex Bailey
Community Member
11 months ago

It was a tough day.

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#15

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
11 months ago

*slaps his leg*

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#16

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Aaron W
Community Member
11 months ago

Gotta pass the time while waiting for the other golfers to play their shots...

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#17

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Alex Bailey
Community Member
11 months ago

Bad man. At least we know who to blame now.

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#18

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Aaron W
Community Member
11 months ago

Yeah it's easier with a bridge.

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#19

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Bambi
Community Member
11 months ago

Oh no!

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#20

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Phil Boswell
Community Member
11 months ago

Ah, the classics ;-)

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#21

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Taradactyal
Community Member
11 months ago

This was intentional

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#22

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Dynein
Community Member
11 months ago

Oof.

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#23

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Cats vs zombies
Community Member
11 months ago

Yes they are. Especially ones with heaters.

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#24

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Kurisurin Sutaringu
Community Member
11 months ago

On a separate note, that’s awesome! Means society is finally getting somewhere!

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#25

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Restless
Community Member
11 months ago

naughty babies!

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#26

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Aaron W
Community Member
11 months ago

Penis envy actually explains a lot of the past three years.

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#27

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Sadie Shapiro
Community Member
11 months ago

Yeah, no kidding.

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#28

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
11 months ago

Oh deer...

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#29

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Dilly Millandry
Community Member
11 months ago

Probably laughing at how they look - some people pull some great faces when they're singing. Just look at people in cars at traffic lights singing away... look mad.

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#30

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
11 months ago

Perhaps if you change your goggles, you'd find her?

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#31

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Hope Floats
Community Member
11 months ago

And there was me thinking it was fog...

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#32

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Kristof De Smet
Community Member
11 months ago

Damn! We thought they would have died by now...

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#33

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Rabbit Carrot
Community Member
11 months ago

Nah, they’re a bit chewy at that age.

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IzzieM
Community Member
11 months ago

This headline leaves nothing to the imagination. No one will read the article if you give everything away in the headline.

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Bunzilla
Community Member
11 months ago

Hmm, I may have a thought...

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#36

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Dilly Millandry
Community Member
11 months ago

Just needs some inverted commas for that 'miracle cure'

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#37

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Colm Corcoran
Community Member
11 months ago

Now what essential information you are missing here is that the Metro Herald is an Irish newspaper, very few of us know what the sun looks like!!!

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#38

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Laugh Fan
Community Member
11 months ago

Might have moobs.

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#39

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Alex Bailey
Community Member
11 months ago

Well, reading the text it sounds like they were all wasting time.

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#40

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Chris Jones
Community Member
11 months ago

Well, graveyard and not grave - that tends to be less usual.

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Note: this post originally had 102 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.