Stranger Sits Right Next To This Man When The Tram Is Almost Empty, The Man Confronts Them About It
The famous statement “A person’s freedom ends where another man’s freedom begins” is often attributed to Abraham Lincoln. It is difficult, of course, to argue with the great president, but public opinion has come a long way since the middle of the 19th century, and now, in addition to personal freedom, we usually operate with the concept of personal space as well.
A classic example of personal space and its protection is public transport. Many years ago, psychologists noticed that strangers tend to take seats as far apart as possible when the bus or street car is completely empty, and only when there are very few empty seats do passengers begin to sit next to each other.
But the author of this post in the AITA Reddit community tells a tale of a not quite typical situation which recently happened to him, and his story has already gained about 12.0K upvotes and more than 1.3K different comments. And it is definitely about the invasion of personal space. So let’s just go in order…
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster took a street car and chose a seat near the window
Image credits: Janusz Jakubowsi (not the actual image )
So, the Original Poster took a street car, and it was almost completely empty, with a lot of empty seats. The OP chose a seat near the window when another man entered at one of the stops – and for some reason, he sat in the seat next to the OP.
Image credits: u/Unlikely-Strategy596
The OP was very surprised when another man entered the street car and sat next to him, though there were many available seats around
The OP was surprised and wondered why this person chose the seat next to him when there were about thirty free seats around them. In the end, the man decided to ask the uninvited neighbor about it. That guy indignantly replied that the OP did not own this particular seat, so he had the right to sit where he wanted.
Image credits: u/Unlikely-Strategy596
The stranger told the OP that he doesn’t own this seat and that he himself can sit wherever he wants
To this, the OP politely replied that yes, he does not own this seat, but he was just wondering why, in a generally almost empty street car, he decided to sit next to another person. To this, according to the OP, the guy responded in much the same vein as the first time, so the OP decided not to bring the matter to a conflict.
Image credits: Daniel Luis Gómez Adenis (not the actual photo)
In any case, the OP just got up and moved to another seat, because the situation, as he admits, was perplexing to him. After all, according to the OP himself, there is some unwritten rule in which, with an abundance of empty seats in public transport, people prefer to just sit alone.
Image credits: u/Unlikely-Strategy596
It turns out that the stranger just violated the OP’s personal space and he felt uncomfortable with this
Bored Panda contacted Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, to try to sort out this situation. “Yes, there is not just an unwritten rule, but simply the personal space of each person, into which they are not very willing to let strangers in,” says Irina. “This does not even work at the level of psychology, but just pure instincts – each person will subconsciously allocate their own territory.”
Image credits: u/Unlikely-Strategy596
“And when someone invades this territory, we become uncomfortable, and we try to somehow resolve this discomfort. In prehistoric times, everything would have ended in a fight, but now civilized people are simply trying to get out of the discomfort zone by increasing the distance from the annoying person. So it really makes sense that the Original Poster just moved to another seat.”
Image credits: grassrootsgroundswell (not the actual image )
“In any case, it is perfectly correct that the man did not start a real conflict – after all, we have absolutely no idea why that person sat next to him. In any case, the invasion of personal space is too unpleasant, and the OP acted wisely, perhaps avoiding further trouble,” says Irina Matveeva.
Most people in the comments supported the OP massively, stating that he was completely right to move to another seat
The OP and many people in the comments agree with the expert, believing that such behavior breaks all normal conventions of public transport. According to commenters online, the only reason why this guy got pissed off is that the OP called him out on his creepy behavior.
Commenters also believe that the Original Poster did the right thing by trusting his guts and voicing his concern and what his one-time neighbor did was really weird. And the fact that the OP simply stated his disagreement with such behavior may well have saved him from further problems.
By the way, we have quite a few more transport stories that might interest you. For example, this post is about a woman who refused to give up a seat occupied by her daughter to a passenger who booked it in advance. And we, as always, will be very grateful to you for your comments on this very tale.
I had someone do that to me once at a movie theater. The theater was empty. It was an early showing, which is my preference when I'm going alone. This dude sat right next to me, like we were on a date! I got up and moved. So weird.
Happened to me on a tube in London. I was avoiding eye contact, any contact, but then looked around in irritation. He was exposing himself. As I was the only other person in the carriage you can bet good money I bolted for the rapidly closing doors in a hurry! 😱
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Has common courtesy become such a foreign concept to people that they now just act like complete jerks? There is absolutely no reason to sit next to someone on an empty bus, train, cablecar, or whatever. This person was trying to be a creep and when you called him out on it he got mad.
It is so weird to do that when you literally have the choice of all but one seat. Sitting in the seat immediately in front of/behind the only other person on the bus/tram/whatever would be weird enough, but sitting next to them is just...no. The person was clearly defensive about their actions too, if they responded to a question about why he's sat there by accusing the asker of being the unreasonable one. It suggests either they'd got some creepy intent in mind, and/or they'd been called out on doing the same thing in the past.
My grandfather might have done something like that, but he'd immediately strike up a conversation and he could talk pleasantly with pretty much anyone.
It would never get past the ethics check now but on my psychology course people did things like this as a study to see what people’s reactions are and what is says about social norms and unwritten rules.
Why do people do that? It's not only rude and weird in an unsettling kind of way, it's simply uncomfortable - you have less room than when you are alone.
We must give off a weird vibe in my family. This tends to happen on regular basis to us. It even goes as far as people then telling us about their fears or emotional issues. We get told that we look like somebody they can trust wholeheartedly. I remember sitting in a cafeteria that was only about one third filled. A young woman came over to me, asked to sit with me, & then told me all about being molested as a child. I had to reach up & feel if I had a sign on my forehead telling people to empty their burdens on me. Even while I was in Iraq, villagers would bypass others & come to tell me about their issues they were facing. My sister & daughter have had similar experiences.
The lady who commented that she knits should "accidentally" poke any who feel the need to sleep on her. If inappropriate nearness occurs, one should respond with "and how was your bowel movement this morning? Nice and firm or do you need more fiber?"
Reminds me of a weird experience in Nero's coffee shop. I sat by a small table in a cramped corner, I had a lot of shopping and I also wanted to be alone. A woman squeezed herself into the space to sit on the other seat - the cafe was almost empty and had lots of seats, she then sat smiling at me, it was very uncomfortable indeed. I was too stunned to say anything.
This drives me bananas as well. An otherwise empty cinema, or fast food place, or whatever. You deliberately choose a seat as far away from other people as possible because you want some peace and quiet, then someone comes in a sits in the row behind you, or at the next table.
Oh sweet Lucifer's beard my nightmare come to life yet again. Years ago I went to the movies on my own and the cinema was almost empty. A man sat right beside me (I am a woman). In those days I wasn't as confident as I am now so I just up and moved to another seat. He followed me!! I left immediately. I have never again enjoyed going to the cinema since.
Same thing happened to me on a bus in Korea. I was already talking on the phone too. Lady spent the entire ride complaining about my quiet phone use then finally, in the last 5 min of the ride asked me to hang up the phone. I told her to sit somewhere else, there were still many empty seats for her to sit alone
I wonder if the weirdo did it on purpose to see if he could get some sort of response from OP?
It happened several times to me after I divorced. I love movies and would catch the afternoon one that was cheaper. Invariably some dude would come sit right next to me in an empty theater. I would get up and move. No confrontation. Just remove myself from the problem. Geez. Really invaded my personal space. Not cool.
A nice wet sneeze is sometimes helpful. Or continuously scratching can make one move away.
I am almost sure it was kind of social experiment... even response sounds like sentence from the script.
Good to know that one is not considered the A-hole for calling someone out if they do this to you. I get very annoyed when this happens to me, but I never asked OP's question because I was mortified it might be generally considered to be inappropriate.
I had someone do that to me once at a movie theater. The theater was empty. It was an early showing, which is my preference when I'm going alone. This dude sat right next to me, like we were on a date! I got up and moved. So weird.
Happened to me on a tube in London. I was avoiding eye contact, any contact, but then looked around in irritation. He was exposing himself. As I was the only other person in the carriage you can bet good money I bolted for the rapidly closing doors in a hurry! 😱
Load More Replies... Has common courtesy become such a foreign concept to people that they now just act like complete jerks? There is absolutely no reason to sit next to someone on an empty bus, train, cablecar, or whatever. This person was trying to be a creep and when you called him out on it he got mad.
It is so weird to do that when you literally have the choice of all but one seat. Sitting in the seat immediately in front of/behind the only other person on the bus/tram/whatever would be weird enough, but sitting next to them is just...no. The person was clearly defensive about their actions too, if they responded to a question about why he's sat there by accusing the asker of being the unreasonable one. It suggests either they'd got some creepy intent in mind, and/or they'd been called out on doing the same thing in the past.
My grandfather might have done something like that, but he'd immediately strike up a conversation and he could talk pleasantly with pretty much anyone.
It would never get past the ethics check now but on my psychology course people did things like this as a study to see what people’s reactions are and what is says about social norms and unwritten rules.
Why do people do that? It's not only rude and weird in an unsettling kind of way, it's simply uncomfortable - you have less room than when you are alone.
We must give off a weird vibe in my family. This tends to happen on regular basis to us. It even goes as far as people then telling us about their fears or emotional issues. We get told that we look like somebody they can trust wholeheartedly. I remember sitting in a cafeteria that was only about one third filled. A young woman came over to me, asked to sit with me, & then told me all about being molested as a child. I had to reach up & feel if I had a sign on my forehead telling people to empty their burdens on me. Even while I was in Iraq, villagers would bypass others & come to tell me about their issues they were facing. My sister & daughter have had similar experiences.
The lady who commented that she knits should "accidentally" poke any who feel the need to sleep on her. If inappropriate nearness occurs, one should respond with "and how was your bowel movement this morning? Nice and firm or do you need more fiber?"
Reminds me of a weird experience in Nero's coffee shop. I sat by a small table in a cramped corner, I had a lot of shopping and I also wanted to be alone. A woman squeezed herself into the space to sit on the other seat - the cafe was almost empty and had lots of seats, she then sat smiling at me, it was very uncomfortable indeed. I was too stunned to say anything.
This drives me bananas as well. An otherwise empty cinema, or fast food place, or whatever. You deliberately choose a seat as far away from other people as possible because you want some peace and quiet, then someone comes in a sits in the row behind you, or at the next table.
Oh sweet Lucifer's beard my nightmare come to life yet again. Years ago I went to the movies on my own and the cinema was almost empty. A man sat right beside me (I am a woman). In those days I wasn't as confident as I am now so I just up and moved to another seat. He followed me!! I left immediately. I have never again enjoyed going to the cinema since.
Same thing happened to me on a bus in Korea. I was already talking on the phone too. Lady spent the entire ride complaining about my quiet phone use then finally, in the last 5 min of the ride asked me to hang up the phone. I told her to sit somewhere else, there were still many empty seats for her to sit alone
I wonder if the weirdo did it on purpose to see if he could get some sort of response from OP?
It happened several times to me after I divorced. I love movies and would catch the afternoon one that was cheaper. Invariably some dude would come sit right next to me in an empty theater. I would get up and move. No confrontation. Just remove myself from the problem. Geez. Really invaded my personal space. Not cool.
A nice wet sneeze is sometimes helpful. Or continuously scratching can make one move away.
I am almost sure it was kind of social experiment... even response sounds like sentence from the script.
Good to know that one is not considered the A-hole for calling someone out if they do this to you. I get very annoyed when this happens to me, but I never asked OP's question because I was mortified it might be generally considered to be inappropriate.
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