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Women Are Sharing The Strangest Personal Questions They’ve Been Asked In Job Interviews (30 Comments)
Interviewing for a job is pretty stressful on its own. But the experience can be even more unnerving for women. Even though we've come a long way in recent times, sexism is still alive in the workplace and the interview room is no exception—female candidates have to deal with it even before they join the company.
To learn more about it, Reddit user u/poxycabbage posted an open question on the platform: "What strange personal questions have you been asked in a job interview that you don’t think they are asking male applicants?" In just a few days, it has received a few hundred replies, many of which detail the gross, offensive, and downright illegal phrases recruiters throw at women on a pretty regular basis.
At least they get some useful information about their potential colleagues before they start working there.
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"Are you in a relationship?"
--"Yes, I have a partner."
"And that partner is....?"
--"...doing well, thank you."
Becca Carnahan is an experienced career coach located outside of Boston, MA. She is dedicated to helping early and mid-career professionals find fulfillment and joy in their work.
Carnahan told Bored Panda that every job interview is different and the same. "The skills and competencies interviewers screen for will differ significantly based on the role and the company," she said. "However, you will almost always be asked a variation of 'tell me about yourself.'"
All kinds of questions regarding my marriage status, if/when I plan to marry, if/when I plan to have children and how I would organize childcare for the hypothetical children.
All of those questions are illegal where I live, by the way, and I refused to answer them. I didn't get those jobs, in case that wasn't obvious.
I have also heard multiple people openly admit (outside of job interviews) that they don't like to hire women of a certain age (because ALL of them get pregnant and who has the money for that kind of hassle - we have a right to paid parental leave and a return to your previous position here) or mothers because they are unreliable and won't do overtime. Hiring men of the same age or fathers came with none of those concerns. But "I have to understand them. They need to make money. They don't have anything against women!".
The fun fact: I don't have or want children. I still get "punished" just for having the biological setup to do so.
They don't have anything against women except for all of the above mentioned.
I was asked if I was married, and then asked if I would be open to the idea of cheating on my husband.
Walt, what? Wow, they confirmed a future sexual harassment lawsuit right there!!
"There are subjects that are not just off-limits, but also illegal for interviewers to ask," Carnahan highlighted. "Questions around marital status, children, ethnicity, religion, race, and age should not be asked in an interview. Keep in mind, the laws in your state as well. For example, in some states, employers cannot ask about your salary history."
According to the career coach, while some inappropriate or illegal interview questions may be asked off-hand or with innocent 'get to know you' intentions, it is fully within your rights to not answer the question. "You can state that you would prefer not to answer, you can redirect the conversation, or directly ask 'Is that relevant to this position I am applying for?' or 'Can you help me understand how this question is relevant to the job I am being considered for?'" Carnahan said it can be intimidating to respond in this way but it's also important to protect yourself and your boundaries.
I've definitely had the pregnancy/marriage, etc. questions, but I remember an interview I had with a random company while I was just searching for any job I could get because I needed a job, and the people who interviewed me were the owner of the company and the two women I would be working with. After getting through my skills, they asked me if I was okay with swearing, I said sure, then they asked me if I was a "snowflake, because a lot of young people are nowadays." They also basically told me that, since I would be working with a lot of middle-aged and older men, I would just need to deal with some light sexual harassment and that they wouldn't be doing anything about it because "that's how it's always been."
This was during an exit interview where I was leaving a traditional job to pursue something less traditional. My manager (M45) asked me what my parents thought about my decision, making sure that I had their permission to quit.
For the record, I am in my mid-thirties, well established in my field, and do not have any sort of financial dependence on my parents.
Completely surreal and condescending.
Sadly, we might see a spike in such interviews. Recent projections based on economic scenarios modeled by McKinsey and Oxford Economics estimate that employment for women may not recover to pre-pandemic levels until 2024—two full years after the recovery for men. Without significant action, such as additional employer support and training programs, there is a real danger that female labor force participation could face its steepest sustained decline since World War II.
FORTUNE reported that without significant action, such as additional employer support and training programs, there is a real danger that female labor force participation could face its steepest sustained decline since World War II.
Female workforce participation has already dropped to 57%—the lowest level since 1988, according to the National Women’s Law Center.
If my period was regular. My supposed to be boss was a 40-year-old guy. Awkward af. I was 19.
“Did you grow up in a nuclear family?”
Huh? Lol what does that have to do with my ability to work at a coffee shop?
I didn’t, but I lied and said I did! I ended up getting the job but quit 5 minute after accepting the position because this a-hole turned around and said “oh yea, by the way we only pay $7/hour for the first two weeks THEN you’ll get the $10/hour we agreed upon”. Minimum wage at the time was over $8.
So not only is he a jerk, he’s also a wage thief.
That was a few years ago and I’ve heard a few similar stories from other prospective/ex employees about that place. Apparently he’s some big Trump supporter and borderline fundie, doesn’t surprise me at all.
I still have the email saved in which he blatantly admitted to paying below minimum wage. Maybe I’ll leak it one day or something lol
"The interview is not one-way, you are assessing if this company is the right fit for you as well. If there are red flags around culture and how the company treats its employees, then you do not have to accept an offer or even continue with an interview process," Carnahan said. Don't worry too much if it doesn't work out. Walking away from a hellhole will save you a lot of time and energy in the long run.
However, there are plenty of reasonable job interviews too. Carnahan said a good way to start preparing for them is "reading the job description closely and reflecting on any earlier conversations you had with people at the company. What are those skills and competencies that are most relevant to the role, and how can you make sure to highlight that you have what the company is looking for, not just in the behavioral interview questions you'll be asked later on, but right away as you offer your introduction."
I had a “medical exam” I had to pass. It’s basically a medical history report and they have a section just for women: number of pregnancies, C sections, abortions, last menstruation, last pap smear date and its result. It was invasive and uncomfortable, felt violated by the end of it.
No. of pregnancies: As many as I wanted. C sections: see previous. Abortions: see previous. Last menstruation: last month. Last pap smear: last test date; result: known.
“I see an engagement ring, do you want children soon because I advise you to wait at least a year if you get the job. I don’t think it is good to train you only for you to go on maternity leave”. Words spoken by a recruiter, highly illegal. Nothing I could do against him with zero proof.
Why I was married to an Arab/ why did I divorce him/ will he have problem with me working/ will he come bomb the office / ending with I don’t want a single mom with an Arab as ex husband to work for me
I was overqualified, my ex was truly non-violent person, and from well off family. It was all around awfully prejudiced.
It left me enraged. For better tho. I wouldn’t like working there anyways.
"Do you have a boyfriend?", "Are you planing on getting pregnant?". In the same interview. It is illegal there to ask but its my word against them.
"As a woman do you think that you will be capable of doing the job?" "Will you be confortable in an all male team?" Another interview.
Does the job require to work heavy machinery with a penis? Otherwise I think I'll be able to do it as a woman.
At 21, interviewing for medical school, this like 80 year old man asks me why I have two addresses listed. When I explained that one was my legal address but I was living with the other parent at the moment (mailing address) because I was working closer to their house. He asked me so many questions about my parents divorce despite me changing the subject several times, like that had anything to do with my ability to be a doctor. Then he asked me ethical questions and was an ass about every answer, telling me get aggressively how wrong my opinions were. I talked to one of the guys that interviewed with him the same day and they had a totally normal conversation based about his resume & application.
If you're wondering if the problem was in fact my application and not my gender, I'm now a physician and through training have been the team member voted to have difficult conversations with families.
I was interviewing for a senior role in which I'd be the only woman on the management team. It was an important hire for them, they were investing a lot in it (flying me across the country for multiple interviews, etc.), so I guess they hoped I'd be with them a long time if hired. At the time I was single, no kids, early 30s. So in an effort to avoid hiring me only to have me get married, get knocked up and leave basically they asked things like whether I wanted kids (they already knew I didn't have any) and seemed skeptical when I said no, I don't. Then they asked 'What if you move here and meet a nice farmer who sweeps you off your feet, you get married, want to settle down, stay at home, etc.?' They said 'farmer' jokingly b/c I was moving from a major city to a very rural area.
I actually did take the job, but I was there less than 2 years b/c - surprise, surprise - it wasn't a good fit for me, culturally. On one of my first days the same person who asked me those questions sort of gently advised that all of these traditional older men would probably not appreciate it if I speak up much in meetings lol. I went ahead and spoke up a whole bunch in meetings.
I hope you shook things up bit there and have a job you're happy with now.
How I would feel working in a manufacturing environment that was not temperature controlled. I had just gotten out of the army. An organization that specializes in working in stupid conditions.
"Where else do you have piercings and tattoos? Maybe some that'll go 'sticky outty'?" Motioning to his nipples.
Can you cook? Tell me how you’d make this sauce. Tell me the recipe of xyz....
I was interviewing for a software engineer role.
Thankfully I do cook and could tell him but wtf?
This one's fair. It's a common question type in interviews for roles like developer - they want to hear how your brain works through how you structure the instructions, are you mentally organised, do you forget anything etc. If you'd said 'I don't know that recipe' it wouldn't have counted against you. Cooking is probably what they use for all candidates, not just the female ones, because it's common and it's procedural.
Lots of sneaky questions about when/if I want to start a family, how I plan to dress for the job (including if I planned to wear makeup?), what I would do if a male client hit on me, and my fave: whether or not I identified as a feminist and how I reconcile that with my career choice.
So frustrating.
How you dress is borderline, I appreciate that a company has an image to project, but I think that in those circumstances the company should contribute of have a uniform.
"Do you have any kids?"
"Your hair is so nice..."- then he reached out to feel my hair
"You speak really good for a Mexican girl"- (I was born in the US)
SMH. This was for a position at a long term care facility. I got offered the job a few days later, but I refused the position.
Right off the bat, putting your hands on a job candidate or even an employee screams Get Out NOW.
I was 23 at the time, the guy asked if my two kids were planned, and if they shared the same father. When I answered yes to the last question he said 'are you sure?' I was so uncomfortable. And other people would justify it when I told them what happened. 'He wants to know what kind of person you are so it's normal for him to ask personal questions.'
I'm beginning to think that these sorts of questions should be responded to with personal questions. 'Were you 2 kids planned?', 'Before I answer I have a few questions of my own. Were you breast fed as a child? At what age did you start growing body hair? Have you ever inserted a foreign object inside your a**s?'
Just interviewed this week at a small town library and was asked if I was actually married because I'm not wearing a wedding band (I had mentioned earlier in the interview that I relocated to the area because my spouse recently started a new job there). I just stared at the woman who asked the question until someone else said "This is an interview. You can't ask that." The same woman asked for my social media handles because she wanted to look me up.
When I was getting my master's in forensic psych, I went to an interview for an internship with a forensic psychologist who does clinical evaluations for the courts. I was so excited, thought this would be a great fit, did all the paperwork, went in for interview.
He asks me maybe five questions in total, of course starting off with where I go to school, what track I'm in, what other research/clinical experience I have, but then he asks, "If I asked your dad or your boyfriend about you, what would they say? Are you responsible, are you naggy, are you b****y?" and I just completely froze since it was so out of the blue and just said something like, "Uh....well, I hope they wouldn't say any of that??? But also why would you be asking about them?" and he kinda backtracked a little to play it off as a joke. He even had one of his current interns (a guy who I had a few classes with actually and knew tangentially) in the interview and it was just awkward as hell.
I ended up getting an interview with a different internship and they were MUCH more responsive and better fit, so I went with them and got hired by them quick and am still working for them in a senior position! So [screw] that other guy, though I sometimes see his reports come across my desk lol.
Men will never ever be asked if they're bitchy or what their mommy would say about them, it would be considered humiliating.
"Are you married? No? There's a great bar downstairs, do you want to go and finish this interview there?"
Sitting there with the interviewer and he says " That's a really expensive watch, how did you get it?" I was stunned but answered that it was a gift. Still have the watch, didn't want the job. Another one asked if i really needed my glasses, or was I just wearing them to look smart.
Interviewed for a position at a hospital and when they asked me to tell them about myself I mentioned how I want to become a doctor. The response: “have you ever considered nursing?” Smh
Not as problematic as most of the others answers on this thread, but still.
I did a bunch of interviews to work as a programmer in the video game industry. This is a very male-dominated field.
Everytime they ended up asking if I played video games, and if I liked it. Some of my males friends were doing interviews at the same time, and they were never asked this question. I had to prove that I was "one of them", and it was somewhat infuriating.
One factor could be that some men need an excuse for themselves why women don't like them. They tell themselves that women don't like them because they're nerds, but some are, to put it politely, just not nice. There was also a good movie quote.
A lot of sneaky attempts of them trying to find out if I have children and or want them.
Grinds my gears. Its illegal to ask those questions during an interview and I hate how they try to coax it out of you anyway.
One asked me what my husband was thinking about me working. Whole thing was so surreal, it was more funny than upsetting. Did not take their offer tho.
In this case, I was actually the interviewer, and I was running my organization's information table at a job fair. I was talking with three students--2 women, 1 man--they were law students in their early/mid 20s, I was a lawyer in my early 30s, so it was a pretty casual conversation. I asked the group "any other questions for me, about the organization or about being a lawyer in general?" and the guys asks "Are you single? Haha, just kidding."
I was honestly so thrown off, I just half-laughed and said "Nope, married and pregnant with my first child." This was a few years ago, but I wish I had had the presence of mind in the moment to say "That's completely inappropriate. You need to leave." If I had, I think he would have learned an important lesson, and I would have set a positive example for the 2 women there. Later in the day, once things slowed down and I had a minute to think, I just threw his resume away...and the next day wished I hadn't because I could also have emailed him that feedback.
“Can you take a dirty joke?”
The automated response: how do you recognize a CEO/Boss in the shower? By his tiny genitals!
I’ve had an interview for the Bundeswehr (German army) and three male generals were sitting in front of me asking me questions. At first they were normal, but then one of them asked me, how I’d handle going oversees. Something like: “who will take care of your children? It’s too much responsibility for your husband!”. I was 17, not married, no children, never want children. To this day I don’t know what the answer was he wanted to hear. A few sentences later one of the other men asks me “if you’d work together with another men who is much older than you and more experienced, but wouldn’t listen to what you’re saying and only cares about his opinion, what would you do to get your will through?”. I remember answering something along the lines of “having a serious one on one conversation with said men, if that didn’t work I’d talk to my supervisor about it”, but none of them were impressed, I also have no idea what else I should’ve said in that moment for them to be the “right” answer.
All in all it was a [bad] interview. Here in Germany soccer is a really male dominant sport and when one of these men read that I play it, they told me to quit so I can focus more on my grades.
0 out of 5 stars, wouldn’t recommend any woman to join the German military.
I bet the right answer should've been "My will doesn't matter. Those men are older and more experienced and I would listen to them."
The weirdest:
Would you wear your hair straight? (let me note that I am white so this is not necessarily a racist comment towards me in that regard).
Questions about how I would dress coming to work (sort of relevant given the industry, but it wasn't a client/public-facing role, and there was heavy implication about needing to look "sexy")
Irrelevant and nonsensical questions that have nothing to do with a job (if you were an animal/color which what you be, who would you want to play you in a movie). I suspect the male applicants weren't asked because of the way the questions were asked, and for the roles for which they were asked.
This is in addition to the often mentioned kids/relationship status ones (which by the way are illegal in every country I've ever lived)
I was asked if I was on any medications. That’s illegal... it was for a nanny job where there were no make applicants. It shocked me. Who the hell asks a possible employee that.
Actually it's not illegal in most places as long as it directly relevant to the job. Medications can have an affect on your ability to supervise chidren and drive a vehicle. Both highly relevant to the position. The question should however have been more specific.... "do you take any medications that would affect your ability to [insert job or task description here].
“Are you a Christian”
“Yes”
“Oh good! That’s a relief because all of us around here are Christians”.
(This was no Church or Christian company. We were just selling life insurance.)
IDGAF what religion or race or color or spectrum of gender you are. Aren’t we here to do good work regardless of personal beliefs and backgrounds? OMG I was so appalled. I can only imagine if I had said “No” what he would have done! Probably try to convert me...
I knew a woman who was hired at a similar 'Christian' business. An engineering firm. The day after she was hired she mentioned that she didn't celebrate Christmas. She was terminated the same day. When she asked why, the HR guy said, "Don't you know?" but refused to answer. Religion was never mentioned so she had no proof. Edit: She worked there as a temp for 3 months and they were so pleased they had offered the job, so no way it was a performance issue.
8-9 years ago, I was interviewing for positions at 6 different tech startups, all but 1 asked me if I planned to get married or have children in the next 5 years. I eventually went with the only one that didn’t ask, but I have friends who worked for the others, all male. I asked and not a single one of them was asked about their future plans for marriage and children when they interviewed.
What were your high school marks? Noting I had a bachelors degree and it was an entry level role ....
I'm a small-ish, conventionally attractive woman who works in forestry and farming, and have often been the only woman in my department or facility working with a bunch of blue collar guys.
In pretty much every interview I've had, me being a young woman who isn't ugly has come up. Sometimes in a good way that makes it clear they understand challenges I may face. Learning to work around almost exclusively men can be very difficult, and in some situations your supervisor will need to be prepared to enforce your right to be there. A good supervisor for a woman in that situation understands this, talks about it with her as necessary, and lays down the law.
I've also had it put to me in a very degrading way. Jokes about "what's a pretty girl like you doing applying for work like this." Statements that make it clear that if there are culture problems, they will be my problem. Even just being hit on enough that I had to leave the interview.
What was my parents' occupation, what was my sisters' occupation, which got super complicated since I come from a broken family and don't have a relationship with my dad. Like wth does it matter what my family does? And this came from a woman so it was really upsetting. And I was already graduated from university at that point so I wasn't even a teenager or anything anymore.
At an interview for a teaching position at a private organisation I was asked if I thought my tattoos made me a rebel and what my parents and grandparents thought about them. I was 27.
“If you had a child, would you let them use cannabis once it is legal in [state I was in]?”
100% guarantee no man who interviewed was asked about his hypothetical children...
I got a prescreening call and the interviewer said, the interview was in a warehouse ( where shipping containers are kept) to this day, i wonder what would have happened had I just gone for the interview. In my country, that’s a big Red Flag.
"What does your father do for work?"
I had that, I replied that he was most likely currently spinning in his grave generating enough electricity to fire this whole plant and walked out.
They were hiring a "graphic designer". The manager (he could be my grandfather) asked if my bf was jealous.
He asked if I was a freaky masochist because of my tattoos. Obviously meaning got off to pain. BDSM and all that too.
"how are you affected by sexism in this industry?" and "why arent you working for google since you're a woman?"
Like while i get the sentiment of the first question is to be like relatable or something, it just comes of [freaking] weird. Especially since im applying for entry level positions. They said things like "we arent like most companies, we hire women." The second one was just weird af imo they thought that since google hires a lot of women that id get hired there...
I was shown a handgun stored in the open near the cash register and asked if I would be willing to use it. (For what??? To defend the $200 in the till?)
At a job that was manual labor:
"What does your husband think about you working in such a rough job?"
At the time I was young, and unmarried, so I just kind of blushed and said that I wasn't married. The interviewer gave me a knowing smile and said "well, i'm sure your career goals will change when you do get married." I didn't get hired there.
I had to stop reading after about 10, my blood pressure can't handle this.
I believe that all of this will backfire in the end. If you artificially decrease your recruiting pool (which you do with such questions), you in average get less qualified, less motivated staff. Moreover, plenty of studies have shown that diversity increases productivity both directly and indirectly (for example through a better working atmosphere).
Although I won't be going for work interviews, I wish I had the kind of money years ago that I didn't need to work. I would have gone for interviews and just straight up told them how bad their attitudes were. I would have enjoyed that!
As an ugly woman in IT I’ve never had the “are you married” or “are you planning to have children” questions, but all kinds of variations on the “do you think you could work in a team of all men” or “could you hold your own in a predominantly male environment” type questions... go figure. Come to think of it I’ve never landed any job that had only male interviewers, but did land every single job that had a female interviewer so far.
When I was pregnant, early stage but showing, I had just finished university and was desperate for a job. I was told by someone I knew, who was aware I was pregnant, that there was a job opening at the company she worked for and said I should apply. It was a simple desk job which was perfect so I was thrilled. She forwarded me the details of her regional manager who then set me up with an interview with a manager at one of his branches. I really wish I didn't waste my time because as soon as I walked up to the interviewer and shook his hand he looked at me a said "this is going to be a problem" and refused to even start the interview. I left feeling humiliated and burst into tears outside. If a man was expecting a baby he wouldn't have been treated like that. Luckily my lawyer was very happy to deal with pregnancy discrimination cases.
A four person panel interviewed me for a community non-profit. Everything seemed to be going well until one asked if I could be counted on to work when scheduled. I said, 'absolutely, barring any serious emergency." Their facial expressions went from sunny to overcast.
I was asked about wanting kids at 26years old. I lied and said no because I wanted the job (9hours a week as a vet assistant). Was pregnant 3 months later. My boss (a woman with kids and grandkids) was furious, wanted to fire me. In germany you can't do that just like that, mothers to be have lots of rights here. It was dirty. I had to go to the regulatory agency all. Then she wanted me to go back to work just one week after giving birth. Needles to say I didn't
It is illegal here to ask about marital status, pregnancies etc. It should be illegal everywhere.
I was living in France and applying for a job in diffent country ...the boss asked me if I was supervising someone, I told yes 4 person. He asked - 4 real french or just some immigrants? as there are many of them in France ... i was speechless and refused the job.
Once in a while I think of the loss of human capital (especially creatively) over the centuries because of girls and women not being given fair opportunities in education and work... It's galling that we're now in the twenty-first century still dealing with issue this all over the world.
Here in the USA, it's actually illegal to ask some of these questions. Employers will still try to get around it, by carefully crafting the questions. But you never have to answer. You might not get the job, but if the employer IS dumb enough to actually ask about personal stuff and you happen to record it, you can sue them.
Know your state's laws regarding one-party conversation recording. If your state allows recording of a conversation without the consent of the other party, then do so discreetly using your phone so you have evidence. If consent is required, ask the interviewer if you can record the interview so you can self-evaluate yourself later. If they refuse. you probably don't want that job anyway. If they agree, they might be more cautious and not subject you to inappropriate or illegal questions.
I once had a boss that was obsessed with my husband being a medically retired Marine once he found out about it in my interview (explaining the gap in my resume). The rest of the interview was him asking about our military experience. I really wanted the job and we needed the money so I just put up with it. He also would ask me randomly every month or so if my husband was okay with me working there. I always would tell him that I stopped working to support my family while my husband was a Marine so, it was his turn to support me. He never really could wrap his head around the fact that I was not in fact owned by my husband or that we were not some military obsessed family. Thankfully he sold his company 2 years later to a female who didn't give a sh*t about what my husband thought or did.
Things like this make it depressing to know that it will take an excruciatingly long time for this crap to change. It should have been overthrown years ago, but too many people are complete shitheads.
I worked for a staffing firm for ten years becoming a expert in labor law. Most of these questions are illegal in the US but employers ask them anyway because there is no enforcement. Even if you record them, you would have to sue them and the cost would not be worth it.
Early 30s interview at a school and passed it, was sent on to be interviewed by the Super who wanted to meet all the new hires. He reminded of the sheriff in Little Whore House in Texas. He actually asked me to stand up and turn around. Then said ol' (principals name) was always hired the pretty ones. Never looked at the top of my class credentials that I had worked so hard on. Later he was caught in an affair with another principal. At another school I was hired at the principal was a bit hands on. He introduced me to the staff by putting his arm around my neck while standing behind me. So his elbow was across my upper chest. Completely unnerved me. They had a wedding shower for him at school and the other teachers gave him sex toys. Not kidding. I would see teachers go into his office and give him back rubs. Door open. Everyone could see walking by. So very weird and inappropriate. I talked to my supervisor at the admin building about it. He was moved up to the admin building.
Seriously, if you’re in a place that allows one party recording, record your interview. Not only will it help prove ass hats like this to the labor board if this crap happens, but you can use it as a tool yourself to practice how to answer interview questions in the future.
Before I retired, I was in a position that required me to participate in interviews. We were heavily coached by our HR about what we could not ask, should not ask, and what questions from the candidate might be red flags. And we had to send our interview notes from all candidates to HR, once the position was filled. This should be SOP in every firm.
trying to read this made me tired. it's been a long day... and this did not help. my fault for clicking on the article, i suppose
I hate this... I can never find an article without someone f****** it up for everyone else. Be normal!
I had to stop reading after about 10, my blood pressure can't handle this.
I believe that all of this will backfire in the end. If you artificially decrease your recruiting pool (which you do with such questions), you in average get less qualified, less motivated staff. Moreover, plenty of studies have shown that diversity increases productivity both directly and indirectly (for example through a better working atmosphere).
Although I won't be going for work interviews, I wish I had the kind of money years ago that I didn't need to work. I would have gone for interviews and just straight up told them how bad their attitudes were. I would have enjoyed that!
As an ugly woman in IT I’ve never had the “are you married” or “are you planning to have children” questions, but all kinds of variations on the “do you think you could work in a team of all men” or “could you hold your own in a predominantly male environment” type questions... go figure. Come to think of it I’ve never landed any job that had only male interviewers, but did land every single job that had a female interviewer so far.
When I was pregnant, early stage but showing, I had just finished university and was desperate for a job. I was told by someone I knew, who was aware I was pregnant, that there was a job opening at the company she worked for and said I should apply. It was a simple desk job which was perfect so I was thrilled. She forwarded me the details of her regional manager who then set me up with an interview with a manager at one of his branches. I really wish I didn't waste my time because as soon as I walked up to the interviewer and shook his hand he looked at me a said "this is going to be a problem" and refused to even start the interview. I left feeling humiliated and burst into tears outside. If a man was expecting a baby he wouldn't have been treated like that. Luckily my lawyer was very happy to deal with pregnancy discrimination cases.
A four person panel interviewed me for a community non-profit. Everything seemed to be going well until one asked if I could be counted on to work when scheduled. I said, 'absolutely, barring any serious emergency." Their facial expressions went from sunny to overcast.
I was asked about wanting kids at 26years old. I lied and said no because I wanted the job (9hours a week as a vet assistant). Was pregnant 3 months later. My boss (a woman with kids and grandkids) was furious, wanted to fire me. In germany you can't do that just like that, mothers to be have lots of rights here. It was dirty. I had to go to the regulatory agency all. Then she wanted me to go back to work just one week after giving birth. Needles to say I didn't
It is illegal here to ask about marital status, pregnancies etc. It should be illegal everywhere.
I was living in France and applying for a job in diffent country ...the boss asked me if I was supervising someone, I told yes 4 person. He asked - 4 real french or just some immigrants? as there are many of them in France ... i was speechless and refused the job.
Once in a while I think of the loss of human capital (especially creatively) over the centuries because of girls and women not being given fair opportunities in education and work... It's galling that we're now in the twenty-first century still dealing with issue this all over the world.
Here in the USA, it's actually illegal to ask some of these questions. Employers will still try to get around it, by carefully crafting the questions. But you never have to answer. You might not get the job, but if the employer IS dumb enough to actually ask about personal stuff and you happen to record it, you can sue them.
Know your state's laws regarding one-party conversation recording. If your state allows recording of a conversation without the consent of the other party, then do so discreetly using your phone so you have evidence. If consent is required, ask the interviewer if you can record the interview so you can self-evaluate yourself later. If they refuse. you probably don't want that job anyway. If they agree, they might be more cautious and not subject you to inappropriate or illegal questions.
I once had a boss that was obsessed with my husband being a medically retired Marine once he found out about it in my interview (explaining the gap in my resume). The rest of the interview was him asking about our military experience. I really wanted the job and we needed the money so I just put up with it. He also would ask me randomly every month or so if my husband was okay with me working there. I always would tell him that I stopped working to support my family while my husband was a Marine so, it was his turn to support me. He never really could wrap his head around the fact that I was not in fact owned by my husband or that we were not some military obsessed family. Thankfully he sold his company 2 years later to a female who didn't give a sh*t about what my husband thought or did.
Things like this make it depressing to know that it will take an excruciatingly long time for this crap to change. It should have been overthrown years ago, but too many people are complete shitheads.
I worked for a staffing firm for ten years becoming a expert in labor law. Most of these questions are illegal in the US but employers ask them anyway because there is no enforcement. Even if you record them, you would have to sue them and the cost would not be worth it.
Early 30s interview at a school and passed it, was sent on to be interviewed by the Super who wanted to meet all the new hires. He reminded of the sheriff in Little Whore House in Texas. He actually asked me to stand up and turn around. Then said ol' (principals name) was always hired the pretty ones. Never looked at the top of my class credentials that I had worked so hard on. Later he was caught in an affair with another principal. At another school I was hired at the principal was a bit hands on. He introduced me to the staff by putting his arm around my neck while standing behind me. So his elbow was across my upper chest. Completely unnerved me. They had a wedding shower for him at school and the other teachers gave him sex toys. Not kidding. I would see teachers go into his office and give him back rubs. Door open. Everyone could see walking by. So very weird and inappropriate. I talked to my supervisor at the admin building about it. He was moved up to the admin building.
Seriously, if you’re in a place that allows one party recording, record your interview. Not only will it help prove ass hats like this to the labor board if this crap happens, but you can use it as a tool yourself to practice how to answer interview questions in the future.
Before I retired, I was in a position that required me to participate in interviews. We were heavily coached by our HR about what we could not ask, should not ask, and what questions from the candidate might be red flags. And we had to send our interview notes from all candidates to HR, once the position was filled. This should be SOP in every firm.
trying to read this made me tired. it's been a long day... and this did not help. my fault for clicking on the article, i suppose
I hate this... I can never find an article without someone f****** it up for everyone else. Be normal!
