30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends
When something good happens in your life, you want to share it with your friends, you confide in them when you are having a rough period in your life and you are there for their joys and troubles. Friends are necessary for people to be happy, but somehow we manage to call people our friends who don’t really care about us or hang around just because they know they can use us.
Somehow it is hard to tell when you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship and are not receiving anything for what you give. Every friendship is different, so you need to evaluate whether the friendship brings you more happiness or hurt to determine whether it is worth keeping in touch with that person.
Redditors shared their own stories of what happened between them and their friends that led them to realize their relationship wasn’t as strong as they thought. Even though it probably wasn’t easy, in the end, they certainly benefited from the breakup.
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When my father passed NONE of my friends showed up to the funeral. It was an hour and a half away so when they made up excuses not to come I said I understood (I didn't).
Surprisingly two of my neighbors that I barely know showed up. I'm friend with them now.
Wow… those friends were the worst kind. They couldn’t even be there for you in one of the lowest points of your life. RIP your father
She was one of my best friends, I guess. She was a self-centered drunk, but had some good qualities. We were talking on the phone one day, and she rambled on and on about her stupid, lazy co-workers. Then I told her I was afraid I was starting to relapse (life-threatening illness I thought I was over). She sighed and said "....AND? What's that to ME?" She was bored and wanted to talk about herself. When I got off the phone I emailed her a "Dear Karen" letter, saying don't ever contact me again. She didn't, and I didn't either. And I wasn't relapsing after all, thank God.
I've lost more friends who have just, without a word, dropped out of my life because they couldn't handle the fact that I'm disabled. While it sucks not having close friends, it's better than wasting time on people who don't care about you.
I decided to throw a Super Bowl party a few years ago. I went out a bought a new grill and mounted a tv in the kitchen for people who wanted to hang out and snack while watching the game. Had tons of food and beer ready. 30 minutes before kickoff I got a text that the whole group decided to go to someone else’s house and that I should bring all my food and beer over there. Needles to say, I didn’t go, and I haven’t thrown a party at my house since.
Wow, that's so freaking rude! I hope OP dumped those friends and found some genuine ones.
Was a cop wife for twenty years. When you divorce you not only lose your cop family, you evidently lose your best friend who is married to a cop. I learned a valuable lesson. Friendships built on a common thread last only as long as that thread remains. Heartbreaking.
this sucks of the "friend" and also don't marry a cop until after you google the rate of domestic violence in marriages to cops
Tried to invite them to an event I go to every year. Day of I go by myself and find out weeks later they went as a group without me.
My wife and I had a small wedding. I didn’t invite a ton of people but I invited 15 or so friends. Besides my best man, only one showed up. What’s worse is that all these people said they were coming. I no longer put effort towards those friendships.
EDIT: I’ve struggled with social anxiety my whole life. These “friends” were all people I met at work. I work at a big company and this was the first time I actually had friends. I wouldn’t call any of them super close but I thought they were at least close enough to come to my wedding as they always talked about coming and would comment saying that I better invite them. I worked on several different teams then and most of them didn’t know each other. I don’t think it was intentional. I just think I misinterpreted what true friends are. I was more of a casual friend to them than they were to me. I did wonder if I did something wrong and it made me feel pretty awful for a while, but as someone who didn’t have experience with friendships I think I just invited people who didn’t really value me as much as I value them.
I hope that makes sense. I definitely looked back at my behavior, and like I said, I wondered for the longest time if I had did something wrong, if it was my fault.
I have made this mistake of thinking a "work friend" is a closer friend then I am to them. Painful and a bit humiliating.
Me too Zophra. We were really tight (I thought) and used to hang out at her house some weekends, go out dancing, movies...she was at my daughter baby shower. But the SECOND I left that job...I was completely ghosted. No return calls, texts, no response to Facebook messages...it was very sad, hurtful and perplexing.
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That happened to a coworker. She had invited her team to her wedding. She is white and married a black man. None of them came. I heard them talking later how it was to teach her a lesson that they all disapproved of her choice. I lost all respect I had for them that day. They were teachers.
People that don’t honor an RSVP are the worst. Especially for a wedding. People need to understand even with a small wedding and you buy chips and beer the couple makes accommodations based on the replies. And of course going is the right thing to do. Not gonna lie I have rsvp’d for things that for whatever reason when the date came I really didn’t want to go (not weddings). Rough day at work, not feeling well, unexpected things come up, etc. but I still went because I made a commitment.
For work "friends"...if you haven't been to their house, and they haven't been to yours, they're not your friends.
That’s not true for everyone. I have made some amazing friends through work who don’t fulfil this criteria. When I’ve had to relocate repeatedly with my partners job, they’re some of the only individuals who check in with me and keep in touch (people who were non-work friends often just forget about you if you move away and/or seem to only be friends with you if you live nearby, in my experience).
Load More Replies... There seems to be a lot of people these days that have “casual” friends and don’t realize that that’s the kind of friendship they have because they’ve never had a friend that they could be completely open/be themselves with. It’s kinda sad, and maybe social media is to blame. People dont connect on deeper levels anymore.
This happened to us. We had a small back yard wedding at a friends on 4th of July. It being a holiday we did the invitations months in advance. We had the wedding in the back around the pool and the bbq going in a designated area on the back also. The front was set up and ready for the evening for fireworks. We didnt invite a lot of people, but most didnt show up. One of my wifes friends texted that day and said a person was in town and they decided to visit with them instead and couldnt make it. This person didnt live that far away and was visiting the area for a week. I was more upset for my wife, and the cost of the food to ensure we had enough for everyone. It was disappointing in the moment. But those that made it are still a big part of our lives and those that didnt, are not even a thought.
People being blasé about weddings makes me think of Bust A Move “your best friend Harry has a brother Larry in 5 days from now he’s gonna marry. He’s hoping you can make it there if you can cuz in the ceremony you’ll be the best man”…..wait 5 days before the wedding he hopes the best man can make it?! Larry your friends have commitment issues brother.
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Had the opposite. Work "friend "was getting married. We had been talking about the wedding, how I always eanted to attend an Indian wedding. She said it was being held in India. I replied " always wanted to see India" . Do when I got the invite, I was super stoked. The look on her face when I asked about local accomidations made me realise I had made a mistake.
I don’t understand; did she invite you hoping you wouldn’t go?
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I had a friendship that was proved false by a wedding, actually TWO weddings. Hers and mine. For hers, she needed me as a last minute bridesmaid since one of them couldn't make it and she wanted the numbers on both sides to stay even. I put last minute money towards the dress, shoes, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and a wedding gift (plus a bottle of wine that I had to run out and get the morning of her wedding since I was apparently supposed to bring one though was never told). We were both broke college kids but we were so happy for each other, it felt okay to go all out. When it my wedding's time only a couple of months later, here's what she did for me: absolutely nothing. She was invited to everything but had a reason for not going to a single thing, very half-arsed excuses. It really sucked because she was one of my very few friends so already the parties weren't very crowded. At the end of it, she showed up and acted so happy for me on my wedding day but it still hurt.
I definitely had to reevaluate some relationships in light of who came to my wedding too. I decided to still be friends with some of the people who didn't come, but like OP I no longer put the same amount of effort into some of them or expect as much out of them.
Those friends are what extroverts call friends but introverts call meaningless connections.
Learning about how friendships work is a process. Yet that has nothing to do with manners. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. What has happened to honour these days?
I haven't done this but I totally disagree that it's wrong for someone to express a desire to share your special day with them. Marrying couple has no obligation to actually invite them. Bride could have said that only close friends and family are invited when co-worker expressed interest.
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I get this because I struggle with working out how good a friend is. Someone where I work has invited all their colleagues (about 30) to the reception but with no RSVPs. I guess that way, it doesn't really matter if they show up or not
I had a mid-size wedding... I had a lot of people say they were coming that ended up not coming. That included my neighbor, who was doing my hair as my "gift" for free, which was great, but while she was doing my hair, she said she wouldn't be coming because they decided to go out of town on a trip instead. Couldn't wait a few more hours? geesh. Then a lot of those who did show up left the reception super early. Had sooo much stuff left over because of so many people flaking out. So much wasted money. I learned who my true friends were. Oddly enough, most of the people who stayed around til the end were my husband's friends who normally weren't very reliable. Maybe it was the free food.
You did nothing wrong... You are real and true... Sheople are hard to understand. Blessings and wisdom and wonder for you and your beloved ✌🙏👍😊
It’s strange how close you can become with your “work family”, then once you change jobs you’re completely ghosted. Most work friendships just don’t transfer into real life. It’s sort of like the rule about not lending money to a roommate…..
This exactly happened to my husband when we were getting married. Small wedding, some 8-10 "friends" all RSVPd that they're coming and none of them showed up. Only the best man. These were all childhood friends of his so naturally he was pissed. They all pretended it was no big deal so now he doesn't contact them anymore
Important life tips here: if you RSVP'd, you better come. Don't bother to apologize if you didn't.
People have lives. They need to work and if this happens to be a destination wedding they can't afford that would change things. These are all half assed
I hate when people say that they're coming or "you better invite me" and then don't show up. I had a hard time on one of my baby showers when literally only like 2 friends showed up. And man I cant believe I dont learn my lesson because for my kid's party or something I still invite people knowing they won't go and the once I dont invite they ask "why you didn't invite me?". I feel sad and stupid cause I do beautiful decorations, drinks, food, etc... for my parties.
A friend is someone you call in the middle of the night when your car breaks down and shows up
They are called colleagues or acquaintances for a reason, because they can't made friends. When they show 'genuine' sympathy /empathy to you because they want something from you. Most work 'friends' are backstabbers. Beware.
I don't make friends easy, social whatever. I literally hang out with my sister and that's it. I just turned 40. People suck. I also have DID and autism, people still suck.
My stepmother and dad didn't go to my second wedding. They kept pushing me to go back to my abusive x that tried to snap my neck. My one friend came though. (I gave up on friends in middleschool due to my town being full of "mean girls" type, but I made a friend at 19 by asking if she wanted to move from her quad/studio apartment to mine because her quadmates were bullying her.)
Oh yah, one friend i made in third grade beat the c**p out of me because she wanted the barbie magazine i was reading right that second. I said sure, soon as i finished the article i was reading. She jumped on me and started punching. I wasperfectly polite, we weren't fighting or any thing.... just out of the blue. Very "wtf??" Moment for a 9 year old.
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Had a group of girls that I gravitated to from work. One invited another one to her wedding. The invitee flat out said no as she doesn't go to weddings. I felt bad for the bride as she always followed the invitee around work breaks like a lost puppy. Soon after my beloved uncle passed away. I had a party in remembrance of him and invited the same invitee since we'd been hanging out outside of work. I had the party at a mutual friend of mine and my uncles house. Invitee refused to come because she didn't trust any neighborhoods off a MLK anywhere in the United States. She said they always put those streets in bad areas (She was from a different state). Needless to say when she texted me the next week that she needed a ride after her car clunked out I didn't respond. No longer talk to her.
I don't understand people! Invite me! I love weddings, superbowl parties, fish frys, wakes and any place there is going to be people! Count me in! Thank heaven that that everyone know this. I am a widow. My husband was a union President and I used to be a union steward back in the day. We had dinners at the house barbecues in the yard. We are also military retired. When my son graduated from college 90 miles from home, the military friends took over the house did the barbecue, one like d j on the side. My husband died nine years ago and everything change. Thanks for the friends that still look out for me.
If they didn't intend to come it was rude to say c**p like better invite us as it was saying they wanted to come.
I planned my small wedding around my sister and bestie's work schedule and they kept changing their availability. Finally gave them a date they'd already chosen and stuck with it. Sister showed but bestie and her sister (also a close friend) didn't.
Sounds like more details needed. Read stories where guests were expected to pay meals...spend at least $250 on a gift or so far away and expensive. But nothing like that was yours right?
It makes perfect sense. You did 0 wrong. I'm sorry that you went through this.
They can become them, though. I have a godmother who met my mom...at their job. They remained very close friends for over 40 years until she passed away last year. It is very possible.
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An easy answer for me.
One year I had a sleepover party with a bunch of childhood friends from the neighborhood as a teen. It was really fun and I invited 15 or so kids, had to convince my parents and spent a ton of money to make it perfect for everyone. We went swimming in the pool, played dodgeball, kickball, had tons of food, had a nerf gun war, played pool, played video games, and watched movies. It was a blast and everyone was clearly enjoying themselves.
Then they tried to watch a horror movie that my parents would [end] me if I saw it, and I objected for a while before reluctantly putting it on. I hated horror movies, too, but I wanted them to have fun. It was like 1 in the morning.
They got bored during the movie and asked if we could all go to the clubhouse (I lived in a gated community with a public clubhouse at the time) to meet up some girls in the middle of the night. I said that my parents would never let it happen and that I didn't want to get caught, so I told them we couldn't go. After that, about 5 of them left at like 2-3 am to go without me. They said they'd be "right back" and that "one of them needed their medicine so they went to get it." Within the hour, everyone was gone except me.
I was crushed, and too embarrassed to tell my parents, so I finally put on the movie *I* wanted to watch before going to sleep. In the morning my parents were furious because over a dozen kids that they had promised their parents would be at their house had disappeared without a traced. Sad and tired me had to call all of them to figure out where they were and let all of their parents know that they didn't spend the night. Even though my parents made me do it, a lot of them got mad at me for that. The worst part by far was figuring out that they had all went to a different kid's house to spend the night after leaving mine.
I opened up to him about my mental health issues, and after a day or two he messaged me saying he couldn't have that kind of negativity in his life. This was literally the first and only time I told anyone about it.
I told a dude (over text) that I had severe mental health issues that can really affect my friendships. He thanked me for letting him know and told me that it's okay. That's how a good person reacts. Not all this nonsense.
He was physically and psychologically abusing to me for years. It took a long time for me to see that even though he was “joking” it was just flat out abuse.
Best friend of nearly 10 years expected me to travel halfway across the world and take a month off from work to stay with her (and her boyfriend) so that we could go to Oktoberfest and maybe do other things. However, when the time came, she refused to make any concrete plans, but still insisted that I apply for a visa and book my tickets anyway. Note that at this stage she hadn’t even confirmed the dates and had not spoken to her boyfriend about the possibility of my staying there for a month. She never initiated the conversation and very rarely answered my texts/calls. At some point I called her out on it, demanded that she show some interest on her part considering how I would be making a significant financial investment if I had decided to go through with the plan. She told me she was busy and that she would call me back. She never did.
One day I simply had enough, blocked her on all social media and haven’t talked to her since. All relationships require effort. If people care, they will show you they care.
Sounds like me traveling across the Atlantic to spend my birthday with my so-called BFF, and she ditched me to baby sit her kid & the kids friend and her bosses dogs to hang out with her new boyfriend and also wouldn't return my calls or texts on when she was returning but could check into FB in some bar or other.
When I was hanging out with my real friends and felt at ease and calm with them.
Made me realize that my other friends gave me anxiety.
My husband and I went on vacation with her and her husband. My husband and I did some gambling and won a decent amount of money. They did not gamble at all. When we got back I found out they had told everyone how much of a b***h I was because I had not offered to pay for their half of the vacation with my gambling winnings. When I confronted her she did not deny it. I didn’t want to be friends with someone that thought money played into our friendship or that talked like that behind my back.
A cousin of mine is quite lucky with his online bets and that. When he gets very lucky, he always gives my mum a few pound from his winnings. Kind of like a "share the wealth" or a "good lucks penny." He would give a few very close family members a little share, nothing major though. I know a few people who do that, only a few though! But thats about it lol nothing extravagant lol i personally would never expect a penny from someone else's winnings. Thats theirs and happy days for them i say 😁
Not me, but the kid who vandalized my house and car.
After someone threw eggs and rocks at my house, and finished with a rock through my windshield, I left the car parked next to the street with a big poster on it with "Reward for information" on it.
Within hours the kid's friends turned him in for $10 each.
They don't contact me at all unless I go out of my way to contact them first. They find any reason to not hang out. They claim we're good friends but it just feels like they just want to be able to say that I'm a friend without doing anything to *be* a friend
this isn't about the text post but what exactly does that photo have to do with this lol
When I realized that everything I did for them, they totally took for granted and advantage of most of the time. Like going out to eat I would usually pay because I used to make more then her but when she got a better job she still expected me to pay all the time. Nope
I have a friend like this. When we go anywhere she just looks at me expectantly until I get out my wallet. She makes shitty comments about my weight and appearance when she’s feeling insecure about her own. She borrows clothes and refuses to give them back, claiming I’d said it was a gift. I’m getting better at boundaries and have ended the friendship several times, but she always ends up crying at my front door because something awful happened. And they were awful things: her mum's cancer, her mum dying, her being evicted (I narrowly avoided her moving in with me - she never would’ve left), her boyfriend beating her up and throwing her out of her own apartment, an abortion after a one night stand, so much pain. I want to help her, but she drives me up the wall when she slips back into her old patterns…
She sided with her boyfriend when I told her he had made jokes about sexual assault which made me uncomfortable, eventually accused me of lying even though she was there when he made them
I used to go out for dinner with some college friends.
Unlike me, they'd order multiple "call" drinks and *the most expensive* things on the menu.
Then, when the huge bill arrived, they'd say, "Let's just keep it simple and divide it equally." The guys knew I was paying double or triple what I should have, but that didn't seem to bother them.
Instant reply..."how about we keep it fair, and each pay for their own?" Or, when they inform the server of this, let him or her know that I will be paying for *my* meal and drinks only.
when i decided not to be the friend who always organised things and started conversations. i get no contact on the weekends and during the week, i noticed that if i kept quiet in a conversation, they wouldn't even notice i was there
With friends on a trip to Japan, drinking one night in Roppongi district. I'm trying to taper off, Karen (no, really, it was her name) keeps putting drinks in front of me, paying the bartender for weird shots for me, but not for anyone else in the group. She's saying really catty s**t, but laughing like it's all good fun, we're pals. She starts saying some pointed stuff that makes me think she's been holding on to some really ugly resentment for awhile. After I'm good and sloshed, she pushes me over to my partner and tells him to grab a taxi and take me back. On the way back to the hotel I look at my partner and say, "I didn't realize until now that Karen hates me." He replied, "She sure seems to." Neither the trip nor the friendship was the same after that night, and I had the worse hangover of my entire life, passed out on the floor of a Tokyo hotel bathroom.
We lived together during our early university years. I was not in a good place when we became friends. A couple years later, I picked myself up, got into really good shape, was accepted into the degree program I wanted and found an extremely awesome job. She said she couldn’t continue being friends with me because I didn’t need her. If you don’t grow together, you grow apart. Years later we were still Facebook “friends”. She deleted me when I got engaged. I noticed and asked her why, she said she didn’t care anymore about anything in my life.
It took me a long time to get over that last part. No one needs that in their life.
He ghosted me because he got a girlfriend. I knew it was going to happen, even said so when it happened, but he assured me he wouldn't disappear.
It's two months and counting since he last texted me.
This is such a typical thing and I hate it! Why? Well, when I found my boyfriend I worked hard on keeping my 18 month friendship going. We did almost everything in three and made sure that she wouldn't feel excluded and/or forgotten. Two weeks in she got a boyfriend of her own and then I didn't hear from her again unless we bumped into her randomly. (Still have my boyfriend/husband though)
He got busy with his own life and I got busy with mine, and as much as I tried to keep in touch, he never did the same. I hear from him once in a blue moon, but whenever I try to make plans, he dodges me. I just finally came to the realization that a friendship isn't worth my time if I'm putting in all the effort and getting absolutely nothing back. It's sad, this is a guy I spent most of my young and teenage years with, practically lived at his house. We spent every waking minute together and had so many awesome times. I guess life just had different paths for us both. I don't begrudge him for anything, I don't think he has intentionally cut me out, I think he's just caught up in his own journey. Maybe one day life will bring us back to the same place and we will spend time together again, but maybe not.
Our group of around 6 was all out playing basketball except I only found out when I went outside to do errands cuz of how bored I was at home. Not only that but I also heard they came near my place to use our internet to message our other friend to come play with them. That really f****d with me and I never felt the same around them.
We were friends for almost 10 years. Every once in a while, we'd have small arguments, but always come around and told each other everything.
Over a year ago, we went to a party. I didn't drink, but he did. He got extremely moody, wouldn't talk to me and kept disappearing to a room to be alone. Kept brushing me off every time I asked if he was okay. He left the party early without telling me, and I sent him a pissed off text because we had agreed earlier to cab home together.
The next day I call and text. No answer. A week passes. More texts, still no answer. I go to his house. His roommate says he won't speak to me. He deletes and blocks me on all social media. I call and text him more, saying I'm sorry for whatever it is I must have done, still no answer. I message his friends, asking what I could have done and they have no idea, all he's saying is he doesn't want to see me.
At one point I fell into a depression. Am I such an uncaring person that I couldn't even know that I did something wrong? Or was our friendship even that great if he was willing to drop me so suddenly without explanation or goodbye? It's a weird, scary thought when someone who knows more about you than anyone refuses to even speak to you ever again.
It's been over a year and still no word. I went to a party the other day that I heard he'd be at. The host told me that as soon as he heard I was coming, he decided not to come. It's probably one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life.
When I was the constant butt of their jokes, and they were thinly veiled insults that they gaslighted me into thinking I made up or that they were actual jokes made out of love.
You're the one who decides if the way people speak to you is acceptable, not them.
I was in a friends group of 11. Really close, hung out alot. Oddly enough, everyone coupled up. I was the only non-couple from the group (my gf wasn't from the pack). Eventually I found out that they met up very often without inviting me and I was just phased out. We had a WhatsApp group but it was quite underutilised.
In the end, I just left the group.
It slowly fell apart. She moved to live with her partner and we slowly stopped talking as often until rarely talking at all.
I knew I was done when she asked me to help find someone to film her wedding-that I was not invited to.
But she's happy with how her life is and who am I to judge for that?
She hurt you. Even though I don't know you, there is pain in your last sentence. I'm sorry.
They never paid me back the concert tickets I bought for them
He decided to join a skinhead group in high school.
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There's something that I've learnt about people. They, the very most of them, demands you to cope with their shitty, cheap, manipulative, and selfish and offensive actitude. If not. Your punishment is to be alone and with no one to talk or hang. Descent people are segregated just for not allowing someone to harm their dignity and self respect.
Last September, I ended up in the ICU for about a week. A viral infection caused some of my internal organs to stop working, including my pancreas. That, in turn, caused my blood sugar to spike off the scale (literally off the scale, the in hospital meter readers couldn't even give a number), and that lead to severe dehydration. According to the staff, if I had been even one more hour I definitely would have died, and as it was they weren't sure I was going to make it as I was in the worst shape of anyone brought in that day. So while I was quite literally laying on my potential deathbed, not a single one of my friends visited. I spent my time in the ICU alone.
I'm so sorry that you were left to handle a frightening, life-threatening situation alone. No one should have to be alone during what you suffered.
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My instance occurred in high school. My aunt worked at the school board and they planned to throw me a graduation party. They told me to give them the names of eight people that I wanted to invite and I did. Only two of them showed up to the party. I learned at that point that not everyone that you think is your friend is your friend.
There's definitely shitty people everywhere, but I also wonder about one thing: What if I did something that really hurt a friend and they never told me and I just for whatever reason didn't think it was a big deal? And what if they just stopped thinking of me as a friend, the same way I'm hurt about stuff someone else said or did to me? I think some people are just bad at communicating (this includes myself, ofc).
I always used to be the one reaching out to friends. At the start of the pandemic, I arranged weekly video chats for us and after about 3 weeks of us doing it, some people started to not show up. I then made the decision not to chase people anymore to see who would actually reach out. Only 4 friends did and they're the ones that got my new phone number when I changed contracts. Those 4 friends are all I need and we all make an effort to spend time together at least once a month and we text/call each other every day.
I became sick with what would become a chronic, disabling illness. At first friends are supportive. However, when I never got better, everyone moved on with their lives as though I no longer exist. Now, my immediate family is my sole support.
I got fired from a job some years ago, and it was a horrible situation. I had one work friend there at the time. I couldn't find another job so my house went into foreclosure, filed for bankruptcy, had to rehome my dogs and managed to buy a shitty little trailer that i could afford. Everything in my life sucked. So, this work friend calls me to tell me how much the employer loves her and how great things are going and apparently someone gave her a house? Never once asked how things were with me. It was a hurtful call. Then, after that my trailer burned down and I wound up living in my car. The karma part: My trailer was in Paradise CA which PG&E burned to the ground in 2018. I have just finalized a settlement where I get $300,000. Haha... SUCK ON THAT, Cynthia.
I have two. One I was in construction for years, mainly industrial lots of heights. I got sick and couldn't do it anymore. After treatment I had friends who convinced me to open a logistics business. These were people who I'd had over for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Had tons of nights hanging out camping or even just having parties. Some of the closest friends of the group. Had my business going ok and the wife was doing my books. I noticed some inconsistencies but I was doing well so no worries. Then had an argument with a driver about nonpayment and called the trucking company. Turns out what they were billing and what I was getting were vastly different things. Called her out and she went nuts, called all my contacts and accused me of being a drug addict.(I don't even drink). I lost my business fairly quickly. Had to move in with my folks and start my life all over. Was a great lesson in business horrible lesson in friendship.
2nd in high school I was best friends with one of the prettiest girls in school. We just clicked and were together a lot. Well one of the guys in my group of "friends" wanted to sleep with her. I didn't even know about this at the time. His girlfriend finds out and im accused of telling her, again I didn't know anything about it. The friends all show up at my graduation party we get into a big argument most of them left. I ended up leaving town the next morning. Talked to one of them twice while I was gone. He ended up getting in an accident and died. Found out 10 years later who told her. Told the friend who accused me. Never saw any of them again. From best friends from grade 7 til end of 12. Inseparable to me having no friends because everyone thought I couldn't be trusted. Pretty self reliant because you never know who is gonna ghost you on nothing.
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My pet snake passed away after getting sick, and my vegetarian friend told me that I was being insensitive to their mental health by crying about it in front of them. I cut them off and they told everyone I left because of their mental health :( all my other friends believed me though
I used to have this big group of friends who I'd meet up with for drinks and pool and house parties and other fun stuff. Then they all moved away at about the same time and suddenly I had no-one to hang out with. I'm not upset with them; they were all studying engineering when I knew them and there weren't enough good job opportunities here so they left to look for work. But losing that social circle really sucked.
Me. I'm the bad friend. I spent teens and early adulthood being a doormat. I wanted to help everyone, I wanted to be nice to everyone. I trusted everyone. I attracted very toxic people. Eventually, in my mid 20s, I woke up, and refused to be a doormat anymore. I relocated to an unknown area, and created a new life. Shortly after, I met my now hubby, and created a safe, non-toxic, strong nuclear family that I'd been craving unknowingly since childhood. Several yrs into this relationship, our family doubled, from 3, to 6 (originally me, my son, my hub. His ex had his son and NC, so we didn't get to see him. I got preg, and 2 mo's before birth, we got his son from CPS case on mom. Then, 3 mo's after birth of baby, my mom's disability was approved, and she could support herself, as I couldn't, and moved her in with us from her toxic/unhealthy situation. Fam is now, me, hub, my oldest, step son/my mid, baby, and my mom) all of that within 6 mo's. (1)
That doesn't sound like being a bad friend. Yes, you got yourself into toxic relationships, but you've helped many people since then. good for you.
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I loaned money to a "friend" so he could make his car payment that month. The lender had warned him to pay up immediately, or they would repo the car without further notice. He was on hard times and was about ready to cry when he asked for help. He even signed a contract saying he would do work on the property at a specified rate for so many hours to pay back the debt. His answer to my kindness was to skip town without an apology or goodbye while still owing half the money. Then five years later I get a call from my "friend". He announces he has moved back into town, needs a place to stay, and that he needs someone to rent him a storefront and loan him $50,000 so he can buy inventory for his new store. No mention of skipping town like before. Hmmm.... I told him I couldn't help him, give me a call when he gets settled somewhere, my treat for a coffee. Never heard from him again, and good riddance. I have already reached my lifetime maximum quota for "friends" like that. Goodbye. Moral of the story: you never really know someone until you get around their money. This tells all tales. Glad it wasn't worse, what if I had loaned him the $50k?
Had what I thought was my first “best friend” had a lot in common,supportive conversations, In my joy I overlooked a lot of self-centered, arrogant, gossipy behavior. Recently I begin to question the relationship, and my suspicions were confirmed when this individual made a request that I refused to honor as it was not in my own best interest and the negative response that I received as a result of my refusal has ended the relationship. I am angry and sad but I learned a lot about myself and I am going to be just fine.
Most of the things were really awful and I'm sorry it happened to them. But sometimes I'd like to hear both sides of the story, who knows what really happened.
The monster of Frankenstein said: if one human would love me, I could forgive them all...Yep people... despite sincere kindness, love, attention, effort from your side there is no guarantee you will receive that back equally. When I realise that again it happened, it always gets me. But I will not change because I believe that somewhere someplace someone will be 'that one human'.
Hopefully you don't slowly murder someone's entire family in revenge...
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This is why I choose to no longer have friends. It’s so much easier to not deal with people and their c**p.
We all have imaginary friends. They're real people - we just imagine they're our friends.
When I got sober, about 95% of my closest "friends" disappeared. Joke's on them, I'm a better person and friend now, five years later.
Eh, be careful here. Lots of people just have a lot going on and may let stuff slip and a reasonable number of people have neurodivergence that make it hard to keep track of things even if they really are interested in doing something. Don't assume someone hates you or just doesn't care because you have to initiate or because they are bad with plans, especially if they really do put in some effort in other ways.
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Maybe I'm just a crotchety old 30 something but a lot of these sound kinda petty? I had lots of friends thru HS and College and now I talk to maybe 3 or 4 tops and even that's every once in a while. It just seems like how life goes. We get old and all have something else going on
I have two friends, one is my SIL, and we are really more like sisters even though her and my brother are no longer together. And one other friend who is also more like family. End of last year I had 3 but one hasnt talked to me since I told her she couldnt come for Christmas after telling me she was exposed to covid. I am good with the two I have. We dont talk all the time but are there when we need each other and try and spend as much time together as possible. Having a lot of friends is overrated and can get messy.
"Friends are necessary for people to be happy" Lol don't make me laugh. You're generalizing all human beings to be a social entity when it's clearly not the case. Some people don't need friends to thrive in life. Sure it is nice to have strong social relationships, but it is not necessary for our survival AND our happiness. Simply put, it is not necessary for humans to have friends. Do your freakin' research and stop embarassing yourself.
Discovering that a person isn't your friend is heartbreaking. So, seek acquaintances, not friendship. I recently invited a neighbor over for a cocktail. She gladly came...and I haven't seen her since, except in passing. She'll say hello and tell me that she's gonna drop by... My feelings aren't hurt. She's a neighbor, not a friend. It's important to learn and know the difference. I always try to be cordial with people, but not overly friendly.
My dad always said to me that in life you’ll make lots of good acquaintances, but very few real friends.
My single Father died of lung cancer at the age of 52 when I was 26. His family of 6 brothers and one sister (3 doctors) ignored us during his four years of suffering and have IGNORED ME IN THE FOLLOWING 2 DECADES SINCE HIS DEATH even though I managed to show up to said sister's funeral, who died on my Father's birthday.
My best friend, who was like a brother to me for 20+ years started posting racist stuff after Trayvon Martin was killed. I am multiracial and had dealt with situations where at 16-17, I left work at 1am and had to walk two miles to catch the last bus home. It was an affluent area and on several occasions, I had cars slowly circle and follow me for several blocks. It was terrifying to the point I started carrying a wrench to use as a weapon if someone got out of the car. I wrote him that I had been in that position of minding my own business and feeling like I could be killed. I also told him that I had done the same things as Trayvon Martin: tried pot (once), got suspended for fighting (someone jumped me), and flipped off a camera. Did that mean I deserved to die? I said that it really hurt that he thought it was okay. He never responded back and a couple days later posted another "thug" meme. Lost my brother that day...
Known this girl since high school, we were like sisters, I held her father's hand as he died. She forgot I was the first person she came out to, which I thought a but odd. A few months later we went to a festival (camping for a week) and I realized she is the same as she was in high school, no real growth after 20ish years. She kept trying to find careers like massage therapy (too many muscles to memorize) or trying to be tiktok famous (she's mid-30's). After the festival, she was inspired to look into being a therapist and I told her that she would need a Master's degree to do that and that it would be extremely challenging (I completed my Master's in 2020 in an unrelated field) and offered alternatives similar but no graduate degree in case she found it too challenging. She ended up taking this as condescending and unsupportive, then threw c**p in my face that I confided in her about my relationship. She then blocked me and her mother (who was proud to be my 2nd mother) unfriended me
Almost a year after my friend, all my cats and my partner died, I was depressed. Extremely. Friend fetched me. Nice I thought. She then proceeded to lecture me on what a terrible person I am, point out all my faults, go on how she is there for me, proceeded to tell me what I needed to do (with current living situation, and no it wouldn't work) and when I went to leave shouted at me and told me how unappreciative I was . If I hadn't wanted to die already, I might have wanted to after.
She’s a sadist. Some people are wired like that, but they still know right from wrong
Load More Replies... I had a best friend that betrayed me in the worst way possible. About 11 years ago, when I was 17, I was raped by a guy that I had dated for two months. It happened on a party and my best friend supported me after it happened. About two months later I found out by a mutual friend that my best friend had slept with him, the guy that raped me. She knew how devastated I was after that but still decided to sleep with him. I haven't heard of her since, she has never even apologized.
we'd been friends since we were kids. in college, he helped set me up with a guy he knew i was really into who turned me down. when i went to tell him, he suggested we go out. when i said no, he said my self esteem should be down since i just got turned down, and i should start lowering my standards since no one else was gonna put up with my anxiety disorder. i ran to my car.
Sounds like he was negging. I wouldn’t take his insults to heart, not that his opinion matters
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Some people are in your life for a reason and some only for a season. I recently ended a “friendship” because it was very one-sided. They got all the benefits of friend and I got nothing in return. When I would try to talk to them about things going on in my life they would literally fall asleep while I was talking! It was always all about them. I felt so much better once I ended that “friendship”
Got a friend for over 30 years, but she ist always agressive in the end, when she drinks alcohol it get most of the time more agressive. I dont want to do things with her again, because often it end in stress and fights. how can i end a friendship wich lastet so long, even with good vibrations, but always this fight i dont want to handle anymore,, i told her so often but it dosnt end. there are a lot of storys i can tell, even i called one ore two times the cops, even her husband called the cops one time, in her marriage is allways stress and fightings... i dont know.
I've had friendships in which they would treat me like a friend and then sometimes like c**p and then treat me like a friend and on and off.
I guess I'm just not the type of friend people want - so many of these rang true with me. 1- so many people who rsvp'd to my wedding didn't show up. So much wasted money on food and other stuff. It was very hurtful. 2- I've always been the person who was never invited. Only went on things as long as I did the planning. 3- I get interrupted and cut out of conversations all the time. Someone will ask a question (sometimes even directed towards me) and then I get interrupted before I can barely get an answer in. I've been in so many situations where I tried to take part in a conversation and people act like I'm not there. Got to the point that I just quit trying. Then sometimes, they wanna know why I don't have anything to say. It's because I didn't come up with anything because I didn't think I'd get to share. I knew it was bad when my husband started acting that way too. That's when I figured I just wasn't meant for true companionship.
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My youngest sister was in Las Vegas & I lived in San Diego. She called me in an absolute panic begging me to come help her out. (LSS: she was helping the mother of a friend & being threatened/bullied by people trying to take advantage of an 86 y/o woman). So, I drop everything & fly to Vegas. I got there at 11:00am & she was already drunk. She didn't have any money, so I ended up paying for everything - I'm talking Uber, meals, cigarettes, liquor (I decided it was easier to deal with her drinking than her going into withdrawal). She was, as usual, completely self absorbed; started drinking at 6:30 or so every morning, complained about everything, disagreed with me about everything and was just a really ungrateful nasty f*cking b*tch. After 3 days, I flew home - oh, and I gave her $200 cash so she'd at least have food. That was over a year ago. She thinks I'm not speaking to her over the $1000+ she owes me. Not even close. She's an absolutely horrible person & I choose NOPE.
I had a couple of friends, both came from the same village, both had the same name. We were friends for years and had some laughs but when one of them got married I was not invited to the wedding, just the evening do. All her new work friend were invited, I did not go and forgot about her. The other we did grow apart but when I look back I realise she spent most of her time belittling me, small tits, can not drink like she can, does not go abroad as much as her. Gosh i was so blind, I slowly moved away from her. Try and be realistic, there are loads of new friends out there, just join some groups, alter your drinking spots, change your scene.
Its hard to find good friends :/ who I thought was my best friend completely changed after moving. Leaving me on read and s**t. Was real quick to reply when I was closer and was able to bring food. Smh. And havent texted since she found out my dad had emergency heart surgery a month ago. So I deleted numbers and everything. You need to be ok with being alone. Aint many people you can count on
I have to say reading these i feel less alone. I had a group of friends i shared with my olde bro. Our father told me i was born to trap him in his relationship, i spoke my my bro he made it all about him saying hes important i should be grateful i was born. My bro told all friends im not thinking of his feelings at all. The after i split with my ex he told all friends i was stoping him from seeing my daughter, even forceing my ex to stop him. I got hate from all friends on Facebook, text, discord. Now i dont bother with friends. I dont feel the point any more.
I had a friend for a lot of years. We went through a lot together. She always tried hit on the guys that I really had feelings for. I really didn't care, because I dealt with some pretty decent guys and they wouldn't have done that to me. She had some serious self-esteem issues.So I was seeing this guy (#1) who i was really in love with, he was in the process of a divorce. She knew this was "the one" and she tried her best but got no play from him. I was also seeing this other guy #2, a fine-a*s entertainer. #1 was really jealous of #2, and he had damn good reason to be. So this B... goes and tells #2 about how #1 feels about him! He got so mad at me, like it was my fault. I told him she had mental issues, and he turned around and told me that I was jealous of HER AND HIS relationship! We fell out, and I basically cut both of them loose, and married #1. I was still so hurt though. I saw him about a year later and the first thing he said was... "She is a MADWOMAN!" TOLD YA!
Had to stop reading about halfway through because of the memory it brought up of a "bachelor party" I arranged at a local bar. I invited about 10 of my closest male friends who all assured me they'd be there. None showed up. That was about 35 years ago and it still hurts.
Number #1 first top rule of thumb most important in life: DON'T TAKE PEOPLE FOR GRANTED. Let alone friends, your own dam flesh and blood family will definitely fail you if you do this. Always talk, discuss, ask, confront if you have to. But never take things for granted. Half of these problems happened because someone took their friends for granted.
My mom had cancer when i was just 23 and i was in serious depression. I forgot about a hangout with friends that was arranged on a WhatsApp group that i didn't visit. Someone told me 3 hours beforehand and i ended up ditching everything to drive 2 hours to be there. My best friend of 8 years acted rude and resentful to me for daring to forget, made comments about me being too loud and was generally unpleasant to be around. It was the most stressful day of my life and I haven't been the same since.
In '92 I spent the summer in an eating disorder clinic. Friends avoided me, which I get because it's awkward, but in '93 when I said I was getting married I had five 'friends' ask to be a bridesmaid.
I learned a while ago that if you see a friend or partner of yours treating other people in an abusive or careless way, sooner or later they are going to treat you in that same abusive way. This happened with someone I'd been friends with for over 20 years. When she got after me in that ugly way over something I didn't do, I knew it was time to get out. Sadly I'm facing a similar situation now and know I need to do something about it, but it's hard, very hard.
My friend ditched me. I have depression. She actually has bipolar disorder. I'm very sympathetic to her because my dad has bipolar disorder. She would express her struggles. And I was always there for her because I've seen how it can affect a person. Well we met a group of other friends. And I know she told me she would like more friends since she was new to the area. But I didn't expect her to say "I never had friends.Now I do!" It felt like a stab in the gut. Because I was there with her from day one. Then she ditched me to hang out with them only. And when they wouldn't meet up with her, she would call me to invite me out and then rave about them. And how amazing they were and she wished her real friends lived closer to her. It just felt like I was a filler friend. Then when I told her one day that I wouldn't come to an event because my depression was kicking my butt that day, she completely ignored me and put me down. The whole time I thought we were best friends but I guess not
My friend would squish my thighs and then say squishy squishy or jiggly and I would feel super self conscious from that point forward about my weight
My “friend” called everyone away from the lunch table we were sitting at except for me and I was just left there sitting alone and then eventually one of them comes over and tells me that the need a break from being there friend right before Christmas and my birthday. Then one of them stole from me and would lie to me and not invite me to group activities and then she went and told the guidence counselor I was doing those things to her and so he told me I had to stop hanging out with them until they all agreed I could hang out with them again. Then she hid her pop it toy in the theater costume rack so that she could tell everyone that I stole it and traded it for a different pop it when I gave her that pop it for her birthday. It was like if u wanted it then I would have just kept it for myself and not given it to her for her birthday. Then she told everyone I was a liar and a thief they made up a secret language and wouldn’t tell me what they were saying and it was about me.
I was playing on the streets once with my friends at the time and I always had this one kid who would come down and start harassing me for God knows why. Not only did my best friend at the time not defend me (she usually did), but when that kid and I got into a fist fight because I threw a rock at his bike (wanted to throw it at his head), she was too busy making googly eyes at her crush to notice, even believed that I made it up. Another friend I had in high school was extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive. After threatening to take her own life and blame it on me because I wouldn't do what she wanted (this happened three times) I screamed at her and ended it there. Senior year was not fun after that. I find myself incredibly jealous of people who have amazing friends. I got a few now who are better, but there's always the thought in the back of my mind questioning it all...
There was a girl at my school+job that I had a crush on. I invited her to prom, and she said yes, but didn't have her paycheck yet, so she wanted to borrow some money from me and pay me back later. I was so excited to go to prom with her, so of course I said yes and I paid for both our tickets. We get to prom. I asked her to dance multiple times, and each time she declined because "she doesn't dance". Said she would be right back because she has to use the bathroom, she's just talking to a bunch of other people instead. I make conversation with some of my friends, and we have fun and dance. Meanwhile she is off dancing with her friends, despite "not dancing", and basically ignores me the whole night. Towards the very end we got in one "dance" which was to apple bottom jeans. She never did pay me back and I haven't heard from her since.
I had a best friend throughout high school, we stayed close during college, she was one of my bridesmaids, she had asked me to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding, and every summer I would dog sit for her while she went on vacation. One summer my car broke down 1 mile from her apartment. I called to see if I could stay the night at her apartment while it was being fixed (she had been begging me for a sleepover for a while). She didn't answer, but I knew she was at work. I waited three hours on the freeway for a tow truck, and two more hours at the shop with me car. She finally texted me back at 10pm and said, "Rough day at work, maybe some other time." I explained again that my car was inoperable and I needed a place to crash for the night (maybe she didn't understand my initial texts?) and she again reiterated that I was not invited to crash on her couch. Then she deleted me and all our mutuals off socials and we never spoke again.
A year into our marriage my husband was diagnosed with cancer (50/50 chance). My family had disowned me for the marriage and his lived far away so our friends of 5 years were all we had for support. My husband's treatment was a full day hooked up to an IV and he was left exhausted and sick for the next 24-48 hours after. This happened every 2 weeks since his cancer was so aggressive. We used to hang out with our friends almost every day so I had them over as much as I could despite being exhausted looking after him and working two jobs (he wasn't able to work during all this so I had to pull in more cash flow). I wanted him to feel comfortable and live as normally as possible. But after a few months they stopped answering my calls. Not like they lived far away (literally 3 blocks from us). Thankfully my husband was one of the lucky ones and survived. I kept my best friend that mattered. The rest disappeared into the wind. It's been 10 years now. Haven't heard from them since.
God, these just remind me of the awful experiences with "friends" that I've had in the past. 🙄 --- One group (Jennifer, Hannah, Kara) would get together and refuse to invite me, despite one of them being my supposed "best friend" at the time (Jennifer). I'm pretty sure the little ringleader of that trio (Kara) turned the other two against me, because I'd been friends with Jennifer AND Hannah for almost ten years when they suddenly started ghosting me like that. Kara, I'm pretty sure, was pulling the "act nice to your face but trash-talk you behind your back to isolate you" thing. And what's worse, Jen and Hannah were my ONLY friends at the time, so I had no one. --- one (Kate) literally told me to "get over" losing my dad to cancer, NOT EVEN A WEEK AFTER HE'D PASSED AWAY. Just because she, apparently, "doesn't grieve" so therefore no one's allowed to. Blamed it on "[her] family being Italian". She also ripped apart a gift I made for her literally right after receiving it.
Continued: the bartender heard we were military and had the whole place raise their glasses for us. Our old friend's group bought us drinks and we told them we actually used to be real good friends with him. They bought us another round and his group of friends actually hung out with us most of the night while he sat at the booth.
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Good people tend to protect their inner circles and overall groups from those types of people. The mean nasty ones that that aren't allowed in find the other mean nasties and form what Im calling "meanie groups" (birds of a feather flock together) or they become lonewolves. Also I've noticed that nobody in my huge group of friends including myself use Facebook alot. If someone here is looking for good friends I suggest finding a Hobbie that isn't drugs or alcohol and do them together. I want all you good people to find eachother and form a moral protection wall and you'll have good friends forever. Too many narcissistic behavior clusters and they are out. It can be done and maintained for years and even decades like ours. Don't give up.
In high school, I organized a sleepover for my friends during my birthday, which is just before Halloween. I had made sure there werent any parties that weekend, and everyone said they'd come. Day of, only one showed up. She lived across town. 5 others lived within 5 minutes walking distance. They never mentioned it after that day, wouldn't give me any explanation. Day of graduation, they ghosted me. Haven't heard from any of them in 8 years. Saw on Facebook they all attended my (previous) best friend's wedding, though.
Friends can come and go in the natural ebb and flow of things, but usually you it happening because you've both moved on, literally or figuratively. I was blindsided a couple of times though, one by a friend who I thought was really close, then she decided to up and leave the country for family reasons and didn't tell me until the last minute, and has since pretty much ghosted me. Another was foreseeable - a very spoilt, well-off friend who would rant on about her nutcase of an ex husband, then quickly end the conversation if I tried to tell her any of my stuff. The worst for me was when I was really sick, she didn't contact me and when I eventually rang, she said she had too much going on and saw I had enough friends to help out. I did have lots of help, but I'd known her much longer and she made me feel I was just a bother to her, which hurt a lot. However, at that time I discovered that true friends are always there to help you, and tbh I don't miss her.
My best friend for like 20 years didn't like who we were voting for. In high school and early college she was very conservative. My family was conservative. We did everything together. Years later she switch sides and now very liberal. That didn't bother me. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinions and can make choices for themselves. Her and my husband got in a political debate (on Facebook no less), where you should have facts to back up what you say. She was heavily throwing opinions rather than facts. Her and her Facebook friends started calling my husband names and saying horrible things to him (which she knows is not true). Then told me she was never coming to my house again because she didn't feel safe around us. We have never ever been violent towards anyone. She blocked him on Facebook and i could choose her or my husband. I choose the love of my life and the father of my kids. All because of the last election.
This whiny c**p always kill me. "Oh they didn't come to my super bowl boo freaking hoo." Grow up. If you expect other people to make you happy you're guaranteed to be disappointed. Stop crying about it and learn 'to thine own self be true."
You can't work harder to have a friendship/relationship than the other person is willing to do as well. I have a friend that every time we want to do something she always makes it so difficult to nail down a date. She has the "busy" schedule while the rest of us make the time for each other. We have finally stopped trying to work around her, if she can make it great if she can't its on her.
Hm, I get what you are trying to say, but I also would say that you can easily end something good with an attitude where you are constantly summing up how much you both contribute to a friendship.
Load More Replies... There's something that I've learnt about people. They, the very most of them, demands you to cope with their shitty, cheap, manipulative, and selfish and offensive actitude. If not. Your punishment is to be alone and with no one to talk or hang. Descent people are segregated just for not allowing someone to harm their dignity and self respect.
Last September, I ended up in the ICU for about a week. A viral infection caused some of my internal organs to stop working, including my pancreas. That, in turn, caused my blood sugar to spike off the scale (literally off the scale, the in hospital meter readers couldn't even give a number), and that lead to severe dehydration. According to the staff, if I had been even one more hour I definitely would have died, and as it was they weren't sure I was going to make it as I was in the worst shape of anyone brought in that day. So while I was quite literally laying on my potential deathbed, not a single one of my friends visited. I spent my time in the ICU alone.
I'm so sorry that you were left to handle a frightening, life-threatening situation alone. No one should have to be alone during what you suffered.
Load More Replies... My instance occurred in high school. My aunt worked at the school board and they planned to throw me a graduation party. They told me to give them the names of eight people that I wanted to invite and I did. Only two of them showed up to the party. I learned at that point that not everyone that you think is your friend is your friend.
There's definitely shitty people everywhere, but I also wonder about one thing: What if I did something that really hurt a friend and they never told me and I just for whatever reason didn't think it was a big deal? And what if they just stopped thinking of me as a friend, the same way I'm hurt about stuff someone else said or did to me? I think some people are just bad at communicating (this includes myself, ofc).
I always used to be the one reaching out to friends. At the start of the pandemic, I arranged weekly video chats for us and after about 3 weeks of us doing it, some people started to not show up. I then made the decision not to chase people anymore to see who would actually reach out. Only 4 friends did and they're the ones that got my new phone number when I changed contracts. Those 4 friends are all I need and we all make an effort to spend time together at least once a month and we text/call each other every day.
I became sick with what would become a chronic, disabling illness. At first friends are supportive. However, when I never got better, everyone moved on with their lives as though I no longer exist. Now, my immediate family is my sole support.
I got fired from a job some years ago, and it was a horrible situation. I had one work friend there at the time. I couldn't find another job so my house went into foreclosure, filed for bankruptcy, had to rehome my dogs and managed to buy a shitty little trailer that i could afford. Everything in my life sucked. So, this work friend calls me to tell me how much the employer loves her and how great things are going and apparently someone gave her a house? Never once asked how things were with me. It was a hurtful call. Then, after that my trailer burned down and I wound up living in my car. The karma part: My trailer was in Paradise CA which PG&E burned to the ground in 2018. I have just finalized a settlement where I get $300,000. Haha... SUCK ON THAT, Cynthia.
I have two. One I was in construction for years, mainly industrial lots of heights. I got sick and couldn't do it anymore. After treatment I had friends who convinced me to open a logistics business. These were people who I'd had over for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Had tons of nights hanging out camping or even just having parties. Some of the closest friends of the group. Had my business going ok and the wife was doing my books. I noticed some inconsistencies but I was doing well so no worries. Then had an argument with a driver about nonpayment and called the trucking company. Turns out what they were billing and what I was getting were vastly different things. Called her out and she went nuts, called all my contacts and accused me of being a drug addict.(I don't even drink). I lost my business fairly quickly. Had to move in with my folks and start my life all over. Was a great lesson in business horrible lesson in friendship.
2nd in high school I was best friends with one of the prettiest girls in school. We just clicked and were together a lot. Well one of the guys in my group of "friends" wanted to sleep with her. I didn't even know about this at the time. His girlfriend finds out and im accused of telling her, again I didn't know anything about it. The friends all show up at my graduation party we get into a big argument most of them left. I ended up leaving town the next morning. Talked to one of them twice while I was gone. He ended up getting in an accident and died. Found out 10 years later who told her. Told the friend who accused me. Never saw any of them again. From best friends from grade 7 til end of 12. Inseparable to me having no friends because everyone thought I couldn't be trusted. Pretty self reliant because you never know who is gonna ghost you on nothing.
Load More Replies... My pet snake passed away after getting sick, and my vegetarian friend told me that I was being insensitive to their mental health by crying about it in front of them. I cut them off and they told everyone I left because of their mental health :( all my other friends believed me though
I used to have this big group of friends who I'd meet up with for drinks and pool and house parties and other fun stuff. Then they all moved away at about the same time and suddenly I had no-one to hang out with. I'm not upset with them; they were all studying engineering when I knew them and there weren't enough good job opportunities here so they left to look for work. But losing that social circle really sucked.
Me. I'm the bad friend. I spent teens and early adulthood being a doormat. I wanted to help everyone, I wanted to be nice to everyone. I trusted everyone. I attracted very toxic people. Eventually, in my mid 20s, I woke up, and refused to be a doormat anymore. I relocated to an unknown area, and created a new life. Shortly after, I met my now hubby, and created a safe, non-toxic, strong nuclear family that I'd been craving unknowingly since childhood. Several yrs into this relationship, our family doubled, from 3, to 6 (originally me, my son, my hub. His ex had his son and NC, so we didn't get to see him. I got preg, and 2 mo's before birth, we got his son from CPS case on mom. Then, 3 mo's after birth of baby, my mom's disability was approved, and she could support herself, as I couldn't, and moved her in with us from her toxic/unhealthy situation. Fam is now, me, hub, my oldest, step son/my mid, baby, and my mom) all of that within 6 mo's. (1)
That doesn't sound like being a bad friend. Yes, you got yourself into toxic relationships, but you've helped many people since then. good for you.
Load More Replies... I loaned money to a "friend" so he could make his car payment that month. The lender had warned him to pay up immediately, or they would repo the car without further notice. He was on hard times and was about ready to cry when he asked for help. He even signed a contract saying he would do work on the property at a specified rate for so many hours to pay back the debt. His answer to my kindness was to skip town without an apology or goodbye while still owing half the money. Then five years later I get a call from my "friend". He announces he has moved back into town, needs a place to stay, and that he needs someone to rent him a storefront and loan him $50,000 so he can buy inventory for his new store. No mention of skipping town like before. Hmmm.... I told him I couldn't help him, give me a call when he gets settled somewhere, my treat for a coffee. Never heard from him again, and good riddance. I have already reached my lifetime maximum quota for "friends" like that. Goodbye. Moral of the story: you never really know someone until you get around their money. This tells all tales. Glad it wasn't worse, what if I had loaned him the $50k?
Had what I thought was my first “best friend” had a lot in common,supportive conversations, In my joy I overlooked a lot of self-centered, arrogant, gossipy behavior. Recently I begin to question the relationship, and my suspicions were confirmed when this individual made a request that I refused to honor as it was not in my own best interest and the negative response that I received as a result of my refusal has ended the relationship. I am angry and sad but I learned a lot about myself and I am going to be just fine.
Most of the things were really awful and I'm sorry it happened to them. But sometimes I'd like to hear both sides of the story, who knows what really happened.
The monster of Frankenstein said: if one human would love me, I could forgive them all...Yep people... despite sincere kindness, love, attention, effort from your side there is no guarantee you will receive that back equally. When I realise that again it happened, it always gets me. But I will not change because I believe that somewhere someplace someone will be 'that one human'.
Hopefully you don't slowly murder someone's entire family in revenge...
Load More Replies... This is why I choose to no longer have friends. It’s so much easier to not deal with people and their c**p.
We all have imaginary friends. They're real people - we just imagine they're our friends.
When I got sober, about 95% of my closest "friends" disappeared. Joke's on them, I'm a better person and friend now, five years later.
Eh, be careful here. Lots of people just have a lot going on and may let stuff slip and a reasonable number of people have neurodivergence that make it hard to keep track of things even if they really are interested in doing something. Don't assume someone hates you or just doesn't care because you have to initiate or because they are bad with plans, especially if they really do put in some effort in other ways.
Load More Replies... Maybe I'm just a crotchety old 30 something but a lot of these sound kinda petty? I had lots of friends thru HS and College and now I talk to maybe 3 or 4 tops and even that's every once in a while. It just seems like how life goes. We get old and all have something else going on
I have two friends, one is my SIL, and we are really more like sisters even though her and my brother are no longer together. And one other friend who is also more like family. End of last year I had 3 but one hasnt talked to me since I told her she couldnt come for Christmas after telling me she was exposed to covid. I am good with the two I have. We dont talk all the time but are there when we need each other and try and spend as much time together as possible. Having a lot of friends is overrated and can get messy.
"Friends are necessary for people to be happy" Lol don't make me laugh. You're generalizing all human beings to be a social entity when it's clearly not the case. Some people don't need friends to thrive in life. Sure it is nice to have strong social relationships, but it is not necessary for our survival AND our happiness. Simply put, it is not necessary for humans to have friends. Do your freakin' research and stop embarassing yourself.
Discovering that a person isn't your friend is heartbreaking. So, seek acquaintances, not friendship. I recently invited a neighbor over for a cocktail. She gladly came...and I haven't seen her since, except in passing. She'll say hello and tell me that she's gonna drop by... My feelings aren't hurt. She's a neighbor, not a friend. It's important to learn and know the difference. I always try to be cordial with people, but not overly friendly.
My dad always said to me that in life you’ll make lots of good acquaintances, but very few real friends.
My single Father died of lung cancer at the age of 52 when I was 26. His family of 6 brothers and one sister (3 doctors) ignored us during his four years of suffering and have IGNORED ME IN THE FOLLOWING 2 DECADES SINCE HIS DEATH even though I managed to show up to said sister's funeral, who died on my Father's birthday.
My best friend, who was like a brother to me for 20+ years started posting racist stuff after Trayvon Martin was killed. I am multiracial and had dealt with situations where at 16-17, I left work at 1am and had to walk two miles to catch the last bus home. It was an affluent area and on several occasions, I had cars slowly circle and follow me for several blocks. It was terrifying to the point I started carrying a wrench to use as a weapon if someone got out of the car. I wrote him that I had been in that position of minding my own business and feeling like I could be killed. I also told him that I had done the same things as Trayvon Martin: tried pot (once), got suspended for fighting (someone jumped me), and flipped off a camera. Did that mean I deserved to die? I said that it really hurt that he thought it was okay. He never responded back and a couple days later posted another "thug" meme. Lost my brother that day...
Known this girl since high school, we were like sisters, I held her father's hand as he died. She forgot I was the first person she came out to, which I thought a but odd. A few months later we went to a festival (camping for a week) and I realized she is the same as she was in high school, no real growth after 20ish years. She kept trying to find careers like massage therapy (too many muscles to memorize) or trying to be tiktok famous (she's mid-30's). After the festival, she was inspired to look into being a therapist and I told her that she would need a Master's degree to do that and that it would be extremely challenging (I completed my Master's in 2020 in an unrelated field) and offered alternatives similar but no graduate degree in case she found it too challenging. She ended up taking this as condescending and unsupportive, then threw c**p in my face that I confided in her about my relationship. She then blocked me and her mother (who was proud to be my 2nd mother) unfriended me
Almost a year after my friend, all my cats and my partner died, I was depressed. Extremely. Friend fetched me. Nice I thought. She then proceeded to lecture me on what a terrible person I am, point out all my faults, go on how she is there for me, proceeded to tell me what I needed to do (with current living situation, and no it wouldn't work) and when I went to leave shouted at me and told me how unappreciative I was . If I hadn't wanted to die already, I might have wanted to after.
She’s a sadist. Some people are wired like that, but they still know right from wrong
Load More Replies... I had a best friend that betrayed me in the worst way possible. About 11 years ago, when I was 17, I was raped by a guy that I had dated for two months. It happened on a party and my best friend supported me after it happened. About two months later I found out by a mutual friend that my best friend had slept with him, the guy that raped me. She knew how devastated I was after that but still decided to sleep with him. I haven't heard of her since, she has never even apologized.
we'd been friends since we were kids. in college, he helped set me up with a guy he knew i was really into who turned me down. when i went to tell him, he suggested we go out. when i said no, he said my self esteem should be down since i just got turned down, and i should start lowering my standards since no one else was gonna put up with my anxiety disorder. i ran to my car.
Sounds like he was negging. I wouldn’t take his insults to heart, not that his opinion matters
Load More Replies... Some people are in your life for a reason and some only for a season. I recently ended a “friendship” because it was very one-sided. They got all the benefits of friend and I got nothing in return. When I would try to talk to them about things going on in my life they would literally fall asleep while I was talking! It was always all about them. I felt so much better once I ended that “friendship”
Got a friend for over 30 years, but she ist always agressive in the end, when she drinks alcohol it get most of the time more agressive. I dont want to do things with her again, because often it end in stress and fights. how can i end a friendship wich lastet so long, even with good vibrations, but always this fight i dont want to handle anymore,, i told her so often but it dosnt end. there are a lot of storys i can tell, even i called one ore two times the cops, even her husband called the cops one time, in her marriage is allways stress and fightings... i dont know.
I've had friendships in which they would treat me like a friend and then sometimes like c**p and then treat me like a friend and on and off.
I guess I'm just not the type of friend people want - so many of these rang true with me. 1- so many people who rsvp'd to my wedding didn't show up. So much wasted money on food and other stuff. It was very hurtful. 2- I've always been the person who was never invited. Only went on things as long as I did the planning. 3- I get interrupted and cut out of conversations all the time. Someone will ask a question (sometimes even directed towards me) and then I get interrupted before I can barely get an answer in. I've been in so many situations where I tried to take part in a conversation and people act like I'm not there. Got to the point that I just quit trying. Then sometimes, they wanna know why I don't have anything to say. It's because I didn't come up with anything because I didn't think I'd get to share. I knew it was bad when my husband started acting that way too. That's when I figured I just wasn't meant for true companionship.
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My youngest sister was in Las Vegas & I lived in San Diego. She called me in an absolute panic begging me to come help her out. (LSS: she was helping the mother of a friend & being threatened/bullied by people trying to take advantage of an 86 y/o woman). So, I drop everything & fly to Vegas. I got there at 11:00am & she was already drunk. She didn't have any money, so I ended up paying for everything - I'm talking Uber, meals, cigarettes, liquor (I decided it was easier to deal with her drinking than her going into withdrawal). She was, as usual, completely self absorbed; started drinking at 6:30 or so every morning, complained about everything, disagreed with me about everything and was just a really ungrateful nasty f*cking b*tch. After 3 days, I flew home - oh, and I gave her $200 cash so she'd at least have food. That was over a year ago. She thinks I'm not speaking to her over the $1000+ she owes me. Not even close. She's an absolutely horrible person & I choose NOPE.
I had a couple of friends, both came from the same village, both had the same name. We were friends for years and had some laughs but when one of them got married I was not invited to the wedding, just the evening do. All her new work friend were invited, I did not go and forgot about her. The other we did grow apart but when I look back I realise she spent most of her time belittling me, small tits, can not drink like she can, does not go abroad as much as her. Gosh i was so blind, I slowly moved away from her. Try and be realistic, there are loads of new friends out there, just join some groups, alter your drinking spots, change your scene.
Its hard to find good friends :/ who I thought was my best friend completely changed after moving. Leaving me on read and s**t. Was real quick to reply when I was closer and was able to bring food. Smh. And havent texted since she found out my dad had emergency heart surgery a month ago. So I deleted numbers and everything. You need to be ok with being alone. Aint many people you can count on
I have to say reading these i feel less alone. I had a group of friends i shared with my olde bro. Our father told me i was born to trap him in his relationship, i spoke my my bro he made it all about him saying hes important i should be grateful i was born. My bro told all friends im not thinking of his feelings at all. The after i split with my ex he told all friends i was stoping him from seeing my daughter, even forceing my ex to stop him. I got hate from all friends on Facebook, text, discord. Now i dont bother with friends. I dont feel the point any more.
I had a friend for a lot of years. We went through a lot together. She always tried hit on the guys that I really had feelings for. I really didn't care, because I dealt with some pretty decent guys and they wouldn't have done that to me. She had some serious self-esteem issues.So I was seeing this guy (#1) who i was really in love with, he was in the process of a divorce. She knew this was "the one" and she tried her best but got no play from him. I was also seeing this other guy #2, a fine-a*s entertainer. #1 was really jealous of #2, and he had damn good reason to be. So this B... goes and tells #2 about how #1 feels about him! He got so mad at me, like it was my fault. I told him she had mental issues, and he turned around and told me that I was jealous of HER AND HIS relationship! We fell out, and I basically cut both of them loose, and married #1. I was still so hurt though. I saw him about a year later and the first thing he said was... "She is a MADWOMAN!" TOLD YA!
Had to stop reading about halfway through because of the memory it brought up of a "bachelor party" I arranged at a local bar. I invited about 10 of my closest male friends who all assured me they'd be there. None showed up. That was about 35 years ago and it still hurts.
Number #1 first top rule of thumb most important in life: DON'T TAKE PEOPLE FOR GRANTED. Let alone friends, your own dam flesh and blood family will definitely fail you if you do this. Always talk, discuss, ask, confront if you have to. But never take things for granted. Half of these problems happened because someone took their friends for granted.
My mom had cancer when i was just 23 and i was in serious depression. I forgot about a hangout with friends that was arranged on a WhatsApp group that i didn't visit. Someone told me 3 hours beforehand and i ended up ditching everything to drive 2 hours to be there. My best friend of 8 years acted rude and resentful to me for daring to forget, made comments about me being too loud and was generally unpleasant to be around. It was the most stressful day of my life and I haven't been the same since.
In '92 I spent the summer in an eating disorder clinic. Friends avoided me, which I get because it's awkward, but in '93 when I said I was getting married I had five 'friends' ask to be a bridesmaid.
I learned a while ago that if you see a friend or partner of yours treating other people in an abusive or careless way, sooner or later they are going to treat you in that same abusive way. This happened with someone I'd been friends with for over 20 years. When she got after me in that ugly way over something I didn't do, I knew it was time to get out. Sadly I'm facing a similar situation now and know I need to do something about it, but it's hard, very hard.
My friend ditched me. I have depression. She actually has bipolar disorder. I'm very sympathetic to her because my dad has bipolar disorder. She would express her struggles. And I was always there for her because I've seen how it can affect a person. Well we met a group of other friends. And I know she told me she would like more friends since she was new to the area. But I didn't expect her to say "I never had friends.Now I do!" It felt like a stab in the gut. Because I was there with her from day one. Then she ditched me to hang out with them only. And when they wouldn't meet up with her, she would call me to invite me out and then rave about them. And how amazing they were and she wished her real friends lived closer to her. It just felt like I was a filler friend. Then when I told her one day that I wouldn't come to an event because my depression was kicking my butt that day, she completely ignored me and put me down. The whole time I thought we were best friends but I guess not
My friend would squish my thighs and then say squishy squishy or jiggly and I would feel super self conscious from that point forward about my weight
My “friend” called everyone away from the lunch table we were sitting at except for me and I was just left there sitting alone and then eventually one of them comes over and tells me that the need a break from being there friend right before Christmas and my birthday. Then one of them stole from me and would lie to me and not invite me to group activities and then she went and told the guidence counselor I was doing those things to her and so he told me I had to stop hanging out with them until they all agreed I could hang out with them again. Then she hid her pop it toy in the theater costume rack so that she could tell everyone that I stole it and traded it for a different pop it when I gave her that pop it for her birthday. It was like if u wanted it then I would have just kept it for myself and not given it to her for her birthday. Then she told everyone I was a liar and a thief they made up a secret language and wouldn’t tell me what they were saying and it was about me.
I was playing on the streets once with my friends at the time and I always had this one kid who would come down and start harassing me for God knows why. Not only did my best friend at the time not defend me (she usually did), but when that kid and I got into a fist fight because I threw a rock at his bike (wanted to throw it at his head), she was too busy making googly eyes at her crush to notice, even believed that I made it up. Another friend I had in high school was extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive. After threatening to take her own life and blame it on me because I wouldn't do what she wanted (this happened three times) I screamed at her and ended it there. Senior year was not fun after that. I find myself incredibly jealous of people who have amazing friends. I got a few now who are better, but there's always the thought in the back of my mind questioning it all...
There was a girl at my school+job that I had a crush on. I invited her to prom, and she said yes, but didn't have her paycheck yet, so she wanted to borrow some money from me and pay me back later. I was so excited to go to prom with her, so of course I said yes and I paid for both our tickets. We get to prom. I asked her to dance multiple times, and each time she declined because "she doesn't dance". Said she would be right back because she has to use the bathroom, she's just talking to a bunch of other people instead. I make conversation with some of my friends, and we have fun and dance. Meanwhile she is off dancing with her friends, despite "not dancing", and basically ignores me the whole night. Towards the very end we got in one "dance" which was to apple bottom jeans. She never did pay me back and I haven't heard from her since.
I had a best friend throughout high school, we stayed close during college, she was one of my bridesmaids, she had asked me to be a bridesmaid in her upcoming wedding, and every summer I would dog sit for her while she went on vacation. One summer my car broke down 1 mile from her apartment. I called to see if I could stay the night at her apartment while it was being fixed (she had been begging me for a sleepover for a while). She didn't answer, but I knew she was at work. I waited three hours on the freeway for a tow truck, and two more hours at the shop with me car. She finally texted me back at 10pm and said, "Rough day at work, maybe some other time." I explained again that my car was inoperable and I needed a place to crash for the night (maybe she didn't understand my initial texts?) and she again reiterated that I was not invited to crash on her couch. Then she deleted me and all our mutuals off socials and we never spoke again.
A year into our marriage my husband was diagnosed with cancer (50/50 chance). My family had disowned me for the marriage and his lived far away so our friends of 5 years were all we had for support. My husband's treatment was a full day hooked up to an IV and he was left exhausted and sick for the next 24-48 hours after. This happened every 2 weeks since his cancer was so aggressive. We used to hang out with our friends almost every day so I had them over as much as I could despite being exhausted looking after him and working two jobs (he wasn't able to work during all this so I had to pull in more cash flow). I wanted him to feel comfortable and live as normally as possible. But after a few months they stopped answering my calls. Not like they lived far away (literally 3 blocks from us). Thankfully my husband was one of the lucky ones and survived. I kept my best friend that mattered. The rest disappeared into the wind. It's been 10 years now. Haven't heard from them since.
God, these just remind me of the awful experiences with "friends" that I've had in the past. 🙄 --- One group (Jennifer, Hannah, Kara) would get together and refuse to invite me, despite one of them being my supposed "best friend" at the time (Jennifer). I'm pretty sure the little ringleader of that trio (Kara) turned the other two against me, because I'd been friends with Jennifer AND Hannah for almost ten years when they suddenly started ghosting me like that. Kara, I'm pretty sure, was pulling the "act nice to your face but trash-talk you behind your back to isolate you" thing. And what's worse, Jen and Hannah were my ONLY friends at the time, so I had no one. --- one (Kate) literally told me to "get over" losing my dad to cancer, NOT EVEN A WEEK AFTER HE'D PASSED AWAY. Just because she, apparently, "doesn't grieve" so therefore no one's allowed to. Blamed it on "[her] family being Italian". She also ripped apart a gift I made for her literally right after receiving it.
Continued: the bartender heard we were military and had the whole place raise their glasses for us. Our old friend's group bought us drinks and we told them we actually used to be real good friends with him. They bought us another round and his group of friends actually hung out with us most of the night while he sat at the booth.
Load More Replies... Good people tend to protect their inner circles and overall groups from those types of people. The mean nasty ones that that aren't allowed in find the other mean nasties and form what Im calling "meanie groups" (birds of a feather flock together) or they become lonewolves. Also I've noticed that nobody in my huge group of friends including myself use Facebook alot. If someone here is looking for good friends I suggest finding a Hobbie that isn't drugs or alcohol and do them together. I want all you good people to find eachother and form a moral protection wall and you'll have good friends forever. Too many narcissistic behavior clusters and they are out. It can be done and maintained for years and even decades like ours. Don't give up.
In high school, I organized a sleepover for my friends during my birthday, which is just before Halloween. I had made sure there werent any parties that weekend, and everyone said they'd come. Day of, only one showed up. She lived across town. 5 others lived within 5 minutes walking distance. They never mentioned it after that day, wouldn't give me any explanation. Day of graduation, they ghosted me. Haven't heard from any of them in 8 years. Saw on Facebook they all attended my (previous) best friend's wedding, though.
Friends can come and go in the natural ebb and flow of things, but usually you it happening because you've both moved on, literally or figuratively. I was blindsided a couple of times though, one by a friend who I thought was really close, then she decided to up and leave the country for family reasons and didn't tell me until the last minute, and has since pretty much ghosted me. Another was foreseeable - a very spoilt, well-off friend who would rant on about her nutcase of an ex husband, then quickly end the conversation if I tried to tell her any of my stuff. The worst for me was when I was really sick, she didn't contact me and when I eventually rang, she said she had too much going on and saw I had enough friends to help out. I did have lots of help, but I'd known her much longer and she made me feel I was just a bother to her, which hurt a lot. However, at that time I discovered that true friends are always there to help you, and tbh I don't miss her.
My best friend for like 20 years didn't like who we were voting for. In high school and early college she was very conservative. My family was conservative. We did everything together. Years later she switch sides and now very liberal. That didn't bother me. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinions and can make choices for themselves. Her and my husband got in a political debate (on Facebook no less), where you should have facts to back up what you say. She was heavily throwing opinions rather than facts. Her and her Facebook friends started calling my husband names and saying horrible things to him (which she knows is not true). Then told me she was never coming to my house again because she didn't feel safe around us. We have never ever been violent towards anyone. She blocked him on Facebook and i could choose her or my husband. I choose the love of my life and the father of my kids. All because of the last election.
This whiny c**p always kill me. "Oh they didn't come to my super bowl boo freaking hoo." Grow up. If you expect other people to make you happy you're guaranteed to be disappointed. Stop crying about it and learn 'to thine own self be true."
You can't work harder to have a friendship/relationship than the other person is willing to do as well. I have a friend that every time we want to do something she always makes it so difficult to nail down a date. She has the "busy" schedule while the rest of us make the time for each other. We have finally stopped trying to work around her, if she can make it great if she can't its on her.
Hm, I get what you are trying to say, but I also would say that you can easily end something good with an attitude where you are constantly summing up how much you both contribute to a friendship.
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