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When something good happens in your life, you want to share it with your friends, you confide in them when you are having a rough period in your life and you are there for their joys and troubles. Friends are necessary for people to be happy, but somehow we manage to call people our friends who don’t really care about us or hang around just because they know they can use us.

Somehow it is hard to tell when you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship and are not receiving anything for what you give. Every friendship is different, so you need to evaluate whether the friendship brings you more happiness or hurt to determine whether it is worth keeping in touch with that person.

Redditors shared their own stories of what happened between them and their friends that led them to realize their relationship wasn’t as strong as they thought. Even though it probably wasn’t easy, in the end, they certainly benefited from the breakup.

More info: Reddit | Reddit

#1

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When my father passed NONE of my friends showed up to the funeral. It was an hour and a half away so when they made up excuses not to come I said I understood (I didn't).

Surprisingly two of my neighbors that I barely know showed up. I'm friend with them now.

quebecesti , VirtKitty Report

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Emerald Ocean
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow… those friends were the worst kind. They couldn’t even be there for you in one of the lowest points of your life. RIP your father

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#2

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends She was one of my best friends, I guess. She was a self-centered drunk, but had some good qualities. We were talking on the phone one day, and she rambled on and on about her stupid, lazy co-workers. Then I told her I was afraid I was starting to relapse (life-threatening illness I thought I was over). She sighed and said "....AND? What's that to ME?" She was bored and wanted to talk about herself. When I got off the phone I emailed her a "Dear Karen" letter, saying don't ever contact me again. She didn't, and I didn't either. And I wasn't relapsing after all, thank God.

[deleted] , Giuseppe Milo Report

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Nikki Sevven
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've lost more friends who have just, without a word, dropped out of my life because they couldn't handle the fact that I'm disabled. While it sucks not having close friends, it's better than wasting time on people who don't care about you.

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#3

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I decided to throw a Super Bowl party a few years ago. I went out a bought a new grill and mounted a tv in the kitchen for people who wanted to hang out and snack while watching the game. Had tons of food and beer ready. 30 minutes before kickoff I got a text that the whole group decided to go to someone else’s house and that I should bring all my food and beer over there. Needles to say, I didn’t go, and I haven’t thrown a party at my house since.

LordAtchley , Roger Mommaerts Report

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Sweetpotato314
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, that's so freaking rude! I hope OP dumped those friends and found some genuine ones.

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#4

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends Was a cop wife for twenty years. When you divorce you not only lose your cop family, you evidently lose your best friend who is married to a cop. I learned a valuable lesson. Friendships built on a common thread last only as long as that thread remains. Heartbreaking.

TrustMeIaLawyer , Jason O'Halloran Report

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mind yours
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this sucks of the "friend" and also don't marry a cop until after you google the rate of domestic violence in marriages to cops

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#5

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends Tried to invite them to an event I go to every year. Day of I go by myself and find out weeks later they went as a group without me.

naomiteabee , TLC Jonhson Report

#6

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends My wife and I had a small wedding. I didn’t invite a ton of people but I invited 15 or so friends. Besides my best man, only one showed up. What’s worse is that all these people said they were coming. I no longer put effort towards those friendships.

EDIT: I’ve struggled with social anxiety my whole life. These “friends” were all people I met at work. I work at a big company and this was the first time I actually had friends. I wouldn’t call any of them super close but I thought they were at least close enough to come to my wedding as they always talked about coming and would comment saying that I better invite them. I worked on several different teams then and most of them didn’t know each other. I don’t think it was intentional. I just think I misinterpreted what true friends are. I was more of a casual friend to them than they were to me. I did wonder if I did something wrong and it made me feel pretty awful for a while, but as someone who didn’t have experience with friendships I think I just invited people who didn’t really value me as much as I value them.

I hope that makes sense. I definitely looked back at my behavior, and like I said, I wondered for the longest time if I had did something wrong, if it was my fault.

Smoky6593 , Robert Kintner Report

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Zophra
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have made this mistake of thinking a "work friend" is a closer friend then I am to them. Painful and a bit humiliating.

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#7

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends An easy answer for me.

One year I had a sleepover party with a bunch of childhood friends from the neighborhood as a teen. It was really fun and I invited 15 or so kids, had to convince my parents and spent a ton of money to make it perfect for everyone. We went swimming in the pool, played dodgeball, kickball, had tons of food, had a nerf gun war, played pool, played video games, and watched movies. It was a blast and everyone was clearly enjoying themselves.

Then they tried to watch a horror movie that my parents would [end] me if I saw it, and I objected for a while before reluctantly putting it on. I hated horror movies, too, but I wanted them to have fun. It was like 1 in the morning.

They got bored during the movie and asked if we could all go to the clubhouse (I lived in a gated community with a public clubhouse at the time) to meet up some girls in the middle of the night. I said that my parents would never let it happen and that I didn't want to get caught, so I told them we couldn't go. After that, about 5 of them left at like 2-3 am to go without me. They said they'd be "right back" and that "one of them needed their medicine so they went to get it." Within the hour, everyone was gone except me.

I was crushed, and too embarrassed to tell my parents, so I finally put on the movie *I* wanted to watch before going to sleep. In the morning my parents were furious because over a dozen kids that they had promised their parents would be at their house had disappeared without a traced. Sad and tired me had to call all of them to figure out where they were and let all of their parents know that they didn't spend the night. Even though my parents made me do it, a lot of them got mad at me for that. The worst part by far was figuring out that they had all went to a different kid's house to spend the night after leaving mine.

TheSpartanB345T , Shawn Campbell Report

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#8

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I opened up to him about my mental health issues, and after a day or two he messaged me saying he couldn't have that kind of negativity in his life. This was literally the first and only time I told anyone about it.

[deleted] , neajjean Report

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Raven DeathShade
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I told a dude (over text) that I had severe mental health issues that can really affect my friendships. He thanked me for letting him know and told me that it's okay. That's how a good person reacts. Not all this nonsense.

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#9

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends He was physically and psychologically abusing to me for years. It took a long time for me to see that even though he was “joking” it was just flat out abuse.

Cleedmastadum , Melissa O'Donohue Report

#10

Best friend of nearly 10 years expected me to travel halfway across the world and take a month off from work to stay with her (and her boyfriend) so that we could go to Oktoberfest and maybe do other things. However, when the time came, she refused to make any concrete plans, but still insisted that I apply for a visa and book my tickets anyway. Note that at this stage she hadn’t even confirmed the dates and had not spoken to her boyfriend about the possibility of my staying there for a month. She never initiated the conversation and very rarely answered my texts/calls. At some point I called her out on it, demanded that she show some interest on her part considering how I would be making a significant financial investment if I had decided to go through with the plan. She told me she was busy and that she would call me back. She never did.

One day I simply had enough, blocked her on all social media and haven’t talked to her since. All relationships require effort. If people care, they will show you they care.

cheesecakeandchill Report

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Wendy Wiseman
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like me traveling across the Atlantic to spend my birthday with my so-called BFF, and she ditched me to baby sit her kid & the kids friend and her bosses dogs to hang out with her new boyfriend and also wouldn't return my calls or texts on when she was returning but could check into FB in some bar or other.

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#11

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When I was hanging out with my real friends and felt at ease and calm with them.

Made me realize that my other friends gave me anxiety.

dedeenxo Report

#12

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends My husband and I went on vacation with her and her husband. My husband and I did some gambling and won a decent amount of money. They did not gamble at all. When we got back I found out they had told everyone how much of a b***h I was because I had not offered to pay for their half of the vacation with my gambling winnings. When I confronted her she did not deny it. I didn’t want to be friends with someone that thought money played into our friendship or that talked like that behind my back.

amelia_egghart217 , Lisa Brewster Report

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KB
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A cousin of mine is quite lucky with his online bets and that. When he gets very lucky, he always gives my mum a few pound from his winnings. Kind of like a "share the wealth" or a "good lucks penny." He would give a few very close family members a little share, nothing major though. I know a few people who do that, only a few though! But thats about it lol nothing extravagant lol i personally would never expect a penny from someone else's winnings. Thats theirs and happy days for them i say 😁

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#13

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends Not me, but the kid who vandalized my house and car.

After someone threw eggs and rocks at my house, and finished with a rock through my windshield, I left the car parked next to the street with a big poster on it with "Reward for information" on it.

Within hours the kid's friends turned him in for $10 each.

mference123 , Peretz Partensky Report

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#14

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends They don't contact me at all unless I go out of my way to contact them first. They find any reason to not hang out. They claim we're good friends but it just feels like they just want to be able to say that I'm a friend without doing anything to *be* a friend

Nick31415926 , Hollywata Report

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Strawberry Pizza
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this isn't about the text post but what exactly does that photo have to do with this lol

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#15

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When I realized that everything I did for them, they totally took for granted and advantage of most of the time. Like going out to eat I would usually pay because I used to make more then her but when she got a better job she still expected me to pay all the time. Nope

HonuCentric , Sebastiaan ter Burg Report

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Olivia Lisbon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend like this. When we go anywhere she just looks at me expectantly until I get out my wallet. She makes shitty comments about my weight and appearance when she’s feeling insecure about her own. She borrows clothes and refuses to give them back, claiming I’d said it was a gift. I’m getting better at boundaries and have ended the friendship several times, but she always ends up crying at my front door because something awful happened. And they were awful things: her mum's cancer, her mum dying, her being evicted (I narrowly avoided her moving in with me - she never would’ve left), her boyfriend beating her up and throwing her out of her own apartment, an abortion after a one night stand, so much pain. I want to help her, but she drives me up the wall when she slips back into her old patterns…

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#16

She sided with her boyfriend when I told her he had made jokes about sexual assault which made me uncomfortable, eventually accused me of lying even though she was there when he made them

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#17

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I used to go out for dinner with some college friends.

Unlike me, they'd order multiple "call" drinks and *the most expensive* things on the menu.

Then, when the huge bill arrived, they'd say, "Let's just keep it simple and divide it equally." The guys knew I was paying double or triple what I should have, but that didn't seem to bother them.

Back2Bach , Randy Greve Report

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James G. Currie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Instant reply..."how about we keep it fair, and each pay for their own?" Or, when they inform the server of this, let him or her know that I will be paying for *my* meal and drinks only.

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#18

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends when i decided not to be the friend who always organised things and started conversations. i get no contact on the weekends and during the week, i noticed that if i kept quiet in a conversation, they wouldn't even notice i was there

s0fia_4 , 1Day Review Report

#19

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends With friends on a trip to Japan, drinking one night in Roppongi district. I'm trying to taper off, Karen (no, really, it was her name) keeps putting drinks in front of me, paying the bartender for weird shots for me, but not for anyone else in the group. She's saying really catty s**t, but laughing like it's all good fun, we're pals. She starts saying some pointed stuff that makes me think she's been holding on to some really ugly resentment for awhile. After I'm good and sloshed, she pushes me over to my partner and tells him to grab a taxi and take me back. On the way back to the hotel I look at my partner and say, "I didn't realize until now that Karen hates me." He replied, "She sure seems to." Neither the trip nor the friendship was the same after that night, and I had the worse hangover of my entire life, passed out on the floor of a Tokyo hotel bathroom.

Flahdagal , Martyn Smith Report

#20

We lived together during our early university years. I was not in a good place when we became friends. A couple years later, I picked myself up, got into really good shape, was accepted into the degree program I wanted and found an extremely awesome job. She said she couldn’t continue being friends with me because I didn’t need her. If you don’t grow together, you grow apart. Years later we were still Facebook “friends”. She deleted me when I got engaged. I noticed and asked her why, she said she didn’t care anymore about anything in my life.

It took me a long time to get over that last part. No one needs that in their life.

Nursewholovedyou Report

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Hphizzle
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think that they were jealous. Even people I don’t really care about get engaged or lose a ton of weight, I think “yay for them”. To actively block people takes effort, meaning there is usually some deeper emotions at play.

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#21

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends He ghosted me because he got a girlfriend. I knew it was going to happen, even said so when it happened, but he assured me he wouldn't disappear.

It's two months and counting since he last texted me.

charenton_ , Wyatt Fisher Report

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Ansi
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is such a typical thing and I hate it! Why? Well, when I found my boyfriend I worked hard on keeping my 18 month friendship going. We did almost everything in three and made sure that she wouldn't feel excluded and/or forgotten. Two weeks in she got a boyfriend of her own and then I didn't hear from her again unless we bumped into her randomly. (Still have my boyfriend/husband though)

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#22

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When they put rocks in my shoes and threw them in the quarry.

dlowwonders , Magnus Hagdorn Report

#23

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends He got busy with his own life and I got busy with mine, and as much as I tried to keep in touch, he never did the same. I hear from him once in a blue moon, but whenever I try to make plans, he dodges me. I just finally came to the realization that a friendship isn't worth my time if I'm putting in all the effort and getting absolutely nothing back. It's sad, this is a guy I spent most of my young and teenage years with, practically lived at his house. We spent every waking minute together and had so many awesome times. I guess life just had different paths for us both. I don't begrudge him for anything, I don't think he has intentionally cut me out, I think he's just caught up in his own journey. Maybe one day life will bring us back to the same place and we will spend time together again, but maybe not.

JohnOctober Report

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#24

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends Our group of around 6 was all out playing basketball except I only found out when I went outside to do errands cuz of how bored I was at home. Not only that but I also heard they came near my place to use our internet to message our other friend to come play with them. That really f****d with me and I never felt the same around them.

I________________ , Chilli Head Report

#25

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends We were friends for almost 10 years. Every once in a while, we'd have small arguments, but always come around and told each other everything.

Over a year ago, we went to a party. I didn't drink, but he did. He got extremely moody, wouldn't talk to me and kept disappearing to a room to be alone. Kept brushing me off every time I asked if he was okay. He left the party early without telling me, and I sent him a pissed off text because we had agreed earlier to cab home together.

The next day I call and text. No answer. A week passes. More texts, still no answer. I go to his house. His roommate says he won't speak to me. He deletes and blocks me on all social media. I call and text him more, saying I'm sorry for whatever it is I must have done, still no answer. I message his friends, asking what I could have done and they have no idea, all he's saying is he doesn't want to see me.

At one point I fell into a depression. Am I such an uncaring person that I couldn't even know that I did something wrong? Or was our friendship even that great if he was willing to drop me so suddenly without explanation or goodbye? It's a weird, scary thought when someone who knows more about you than anyone refuses to even speak to you ever again.

It's been over a year and still no word. I went to a party the other day that I heard he'd be at. The host told me that as soon as he heard I was coming, he decided not to come. It's probably one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life.

surejan94 , Eli Duke Report

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Samantha
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My thought is that it's guilt. The former friend did something that he feels guilty about (kissed OP's girl, trash-talked him, maybe even found himself attracted to OP) and can't handle it. Or someone lied about OP to the friend.

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#26

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends When I was the constant butt of their jokes, and they were thinly veiled insults that they gaslighted me into thinking I made up or that they were actual jokes made out of love.

fatbabyotters_ , Tim Dorr Report

#27

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends I was in a friends group of 11. Really close, hung out alot. Oddly enough, everyone coupled up. I was the only non-couple from the group (my gf wasn't from the pack). Eventually I found out that they met up very often without inviting me and I was just phased out. We had a WhatsApp group but it was quite underutilised.

In the end, I just left the group.

tpoit778 , Blondinrikard Fröberg Report

#28

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends It slowly fell apart. She moved to live with her partner and we slowly stopped talking as often until rarely talking at all.

I knew I was done when she asked me to help find someone to film her wedding-that I was not invited to.

But she's happy with how her life is and who am I to judge for that?

MaineSoxGuy93 , Katsu Nojiri Report

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HarriMissesScotland
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She hurt you. Even though I don't know you, there is pain in your last sentence. I'm sorry.

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#29

30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends They never paid me back the concert tickets I bought for them

nocturnalfetish , Bethany Khan Report

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SAF saf
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

lol....yep, these are usually you cheap friends. What they don't realize is that they've essential burned their credit with you.

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#30

He decided to join a skinhead group in high school.

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