After Jamina Bone gave birth to her second child, she was hit with strong postpartum depression, also known as PPD.
"It went from a very educational approach where I was constantly looking up the 'best' way to handle every aspect to being unable to move," Bone told Bored Panda. "I used to plan activities, limit screen time, and make every opportunity a learning moment. I was a Special Educator before having kids so this was everything I wanted and felt equipped to do it all. When PPD hit, it was like wading through mud or even quicksand and still being expected to do all the things."
She felt broken, unworthy of being a mom for her perfect little beings, and selfish for wanting to get away. "I kept the negative thoughts in my head and often imagined terrifying things from hurting myself to the death of my baby. Being isolated the first several months and lack of sleep were definite factors that played into depression but also not dealing with the sudden death of my mother in law to cancer when I was pregnant. I didn’t realize these were risk factors." The woman didn't realize she was depressed. She just thought she was failing.
Over time, however, Bone has managed to get out of the rut. Now, the mom-of-two is encouraging "imPERFECT moms" to ditch social norms and embrace their true badass selves. One of the ways she's doing it is illustrating everyday situations. Through her pictures, Bone reminds people that a woman can have doubts and still be a good mom. She can feel disappointed and still be a good mom. Most importantly, she can be herself, forget the pseudoperfect happy-go-lucky mentality and still be a good mom.
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"We moms are bombarded with the 'proper' ways to parent from Google to Pinterest and perfection-blasted on social media," Bone said. "We share baby milestones with our friends and loved ones, but forget to discuss the difficulties of parenthood. Well, let's be real, motherhood. The mother is expected to give 100% of her body, most of her time, and the majority of her mental energy planning for the what-ifs and all the needs. Community is lost, support is seen as weakness, and if you're depressed, you're seen as ungrateful and selfish."
Bone thinks we are a society that lifts the 'selfless' behavior of mothers up on pedestals while condemning the ones who are crying for help. We don't realize that we confuse selfless with self-hate or self-contempt. "My mother was selfless, but I would also say she hated her body, felt unlovable, and rattled with guilt for not seeing abuses that happened to her children," Bone explained. "She used so many opportunities to punish herself from not dating, not taking care of her body, to even shaming herself in front of us."
This one needs to be higher. Taking meds is so stigmatized for no reason. Take care of yourself and you take care of your kids.
So, like most adults with children of their own, Bone finds herself trying to correct the wrongs. "Many of us built our adult foundation upon trauma without realizing the need for internal healing. Weirdly enough, depression was my unwanted 'gift' that forced me and my family to sort through every aspect in our lives that wasn't working in our favor. We set boundaries, went to therapy, talked to our doctors, and closed the door on every external expectation for our family."
The down-to-earth mom describes her parenting as 'good enough' and says she is still a work in progress. "I am healing myself and trying to break the cycles of abuse and neglect my husband and I collectively had in our childhoods. I zone in on my own set of values of what I am good at. My kids feel safe and held and seen and heard, and as long as I am moving forward in my own parenting journey, I am good enough," Bone explained, adding that she and her husband communicate more now than ever which also helps share the burdens and joys of parenting.
Yelling at your kid is not always bad! Good parents yell at kids to discipline them. Not everyone is as calm as a cucumber. Good mom!
Bone said that one of the most important steps towards overcoming the overwhelming feeling of guilt is celebrating your victories. "I developed a simple online quiz to help mamas find what they are good at. This quiz leads you to know the values that are most important to you so you can learn to turn off the feeling of guilt when you see a Karen posting her gluten-free, no-sugar-added snacks with her home-cooked meals cut out in cute shapes that her kids never complain about after having organized homeschool activities, teaching writing to her 1-year-old because it's never too soon to learn writing." Knowing that Karen has different strengths and values than you is key.
"I'm also creating a mental health makeover for exhausted mamas coming out soon! I am really proud of this one and even received input from a psychologist specializing in maternal mental health to be sure I was helping and not hindering growth. To sit in the lies fake mom guilt leads us to believe, we often become friends with those voices and we don't know who we are without them. We begin to believe the lies over the truth and over time we forget who we are or who we are becoming. Knowing where to start in order to move past these limited beliefs can be debilitating." This makeover, called "Enough" essentially takes mamas through 5 weeks of progress and habit building based around healthier thoughts, taking control of triggers, and finding a balance that is doable.
Laundry can wait but babies grow up and need our cuddles now. I wish (for a day) that my bigs were little and that they would seek me out like they once did.
Hey, this is REALITY. This is what we had for most of the summer. It has nothing to do with being a bad parent. In fact, frugal parents are usually quite GOOD parents!!
The trolls on this post need to chill. It's not like this person is saying you should feed your kid nothing but fast food, and one hamburger isn't going to kill them...
Everything can change after having a child. Often mamas begin to hate their body. Learning to love the imPERFECTIONS and heal is important. You are not a bad mom if you don’t lose the weight, nor are you a bad mom for loving your body around your child.
I'm kinda shocked at half of these comics. Why in the world would anyone consider a mom "not good" for not indulging their kid in every little thing they want? Of COURSE you are a still a good mom if you tell your kid "no" to going to the playground! Kids need to learn that they do not automatically get everything they scream for.
No. Just a little color but I can see why it would be interpreted that way.
Load More Replies...This is one of the things I wrestle with. I grew up with lots of animals and pets, but do not have one now. My kids want one so bad, and I know that having a pet brings so much good. But Im so busy and am already weighed down with so many responsibilities. I can’t take on another one. I love animals, which is why I am not getting a pet. They deserve more then what my family can give right now.
THIS! I hate cooking! My kid is okay on my husband's cooking and will grow up just fine!!
When the child doesn't want to listen to you. Like when I start singing sometimes, my 4 year old will straight away ask me to stop lol
So great! finally no @#%#$ instagram sh!t with soooooooooo perfect mom who stagged everyting and pretend everyting! This is normal! WE need more of that! i'm pretty sure you make many… many moms and dads more secured about their life!
I needed this. And have shared it. As a mother, the judgement from others is intense.
So true! And sad at the same time. It's always easier to judge, but I also experienced great support amongst mothers. It can make all the difference.
Load More Replies...I was born in the 60. To a hard a*s non spoiling get you a*s up and be independent kind of mom. And most moms were like that. Spoiling showed you didn't care. And now all three of us are independent smart kind and grateful adults with no depression issues or anxiety. Spoiling causes unrealistic expectations to life. And when they're on their own older life is such a harder task for them causing depression and anxietyandmoraananxiety
Yes! Kids need dissapointments to grow. The "were best friends with my kid" mentality is pure s**t.
Load More Replies...I don't understand the need for most of these comics! OF COURSE you are still a GOOD mom in any of these circumstances. I was born in 1971, and these cartoons depict a NORMAL FAMILY LIFE. Why would anyone knock any of the circumstances shown? Especially the ones where the parent tells the kid "no"? That is EXPECTED. Giving your kid everything they want whenever they ask is "bad" parenting! Most of these comics depict GOOD parenting: Not giving into every demand your kid makes, telling them "no" sometimes, allowing them to experience different situations (daycare), letting Dad deal with the kids sometimes (every mom needs a break), etc. If the author was ever given any flack for any of the situations that she drew, she should know that she is the normal one, the GOOD parent, and the people dissing her are in the wrong.
And people should understand, that the only person giving impossible goals, is the person them self. No matter what others say or do, it's you who desides what your goals are. Stop comparing your self to others and life will be a lot happier.
Load More Replies...These were amazing! The artist is extremely talented and a great mom. :)
Yes!! I love these!! You are still a good mom when you do what you have to, when you have to have a McDonald's dinner because you have no time or when you have to use a daycare service or when you hand off to dad because you're burning out! Motherhood is difficult and children are difficult and we are NOT made to go 100mph 24/7, even for our kids. It took my mom forever to admit when she needed a break from me--I'm glad she did, though, because it makes our time together so much better. These are just great!
I'm glad you were able to come out of your Post Partum Depression and create such a wonderful comic that will help so many other people. PPD is so misunderstood and women are so tough on themselves. These posters bring light to many of the issues going on in a Mother's mind while she's, well, mothering. Normalisation of the subjects not talked about is the only way we can break the PPD taboos. Amazing job and you are Still a Good Mom!
I love these. No bs about being the perfect mum 100 percent of the time. No fake images about having it all sorted. Chances are those 'perfect mommas' don't treat their kids with the attitude they deserve. I'm hoping Bone makes many mums, dads, and other guardians feel a little safer in themselves and believe.
I love these! As a mom I can really relate. There are way too many things we are expected to do and WE help put these expectations on each other. Let's do more to take things more lightly :)
Kids today are spoiled. Fat lazy little entitled a******s..the young ones. The teens and twenty something's are great...why did it revert? I think a lot of people needed this.
My mom literally drinks wine every wednesday, friday, and during the weekends. And she is one of the people i look up to the most. so your mother doesn't have to follow societal norms, she just needs to raise you to the best of her abilities. That's the best she can do, and that's all she needs to do
I am overworked, my 3 kids are endlessly jealous of my work and each other and behave like horrible brats. I am on the verge of a breakdown, yet I don't say anything because it's always the mothers who get blamed first, and the least I need is someone telling me everything is my own fault and had I disciplined them better... There, I said it.
I am so glad I can't have kids. My f****d up reproductive system is my favourite part of my body.
I love the hairy legs details! Thanks so much for your authenticity and representation of real mothers.
So great! finally no @#%#$ instagram sh!t with soooooooooo perfect mom who stagged everyting and pretend everyting! This is normal! WE need more of that! i'm pretty sure you make many… many moms and dads more secured about their life!
I needed this. And have shared it. As a mother, the judgement from others is intense.
So true! And sad at the same time. It's always easier to judge, but I also experienced great support amongst mothers. It can make all the difference.
Load More Replies...I was born in the 60. To a hard a*s non spoiling get you a*s up and be independent kind of mom. And most moms were like that. Spoiling showed you didn't care. And now all three of us are independent smart kind and grateful adults with no depression issues or anxiety. Spoiling causes unrealistic expectations to life. And when they're on their own older life is such a harder task for them causing depression and anxietyandmoraananxiety
Yes! Kids need dissapointments to grow. The "were best friends with my kid" mentality is pure s**t.
Load More Replies...I don't understand the need for most of these comics! OF COURSE you are still a GOOD mom in any of these circumstances. I was born in 1971, and these cartoons depict a NORMAL FAMILY LIFE. Why would anyone knock any of the circumstances shown? Especially the ones where the parent tells the kid "no"? That is EXPECTED. Giving your kid everything they want whenever they ask is "bad" parenting! Most of these comics depict GOOD parenting: Not giving into every demand your kid makes, telling them "no" sometimes, allowing them to experience different situations (daycare), letting Dad deal with the kids sometimes (every mom needs a break), etc. If the author was ever given any flack for any of the situations that she drew, she should know that she is the normal one, the GOOD parent, and the people dissing her are in the wrong.
And people should understand, that the only person giving impossible goals, is the person them self. No matter what others say or do, it's you who desides what your goals are. Stop comparing your self to others and life will be a lot happier.
Load More Replies...These were amazing! The artist is extremely talented and a great mom. :)
Yes!! I love these!! You are still a good mom when you do what you have to, when you have to have a McDonald's dinner because you have no time or when you have to use a daycare service or when you hand off to dad because you're burning out! Motherhood is difficult and children are difficult and we are NOT made to go 100mph 24/7, even for our kids. It took my mom forever to admit when she needed a break from me--I'm glad she did, though, because it makes our time together so much better. These are just great!
I'm glad you were able to come out of your Post Partum Depression and create such a wonderful comic that will help so many other people. PPD is so misunderstood and women are so tough on themselves. These posters bring light to many of the issues going on in a Mother's mind while she's, well, mothering. Normalisation of the subjects not talked about is the only way we can break the PPD taboos. Amazing job and you are Still a Good Mom!
I love these. No bs about being the perfect mum 100 percent of the time. No fake images about having it all sorted. Chances are those 'perfect mommas' don't treat their kids with the attitude they deserve. I'm hoping Bone makes many mums, dads, and other guardians feel a little safer in themselves and believe.
I love these! As a mom I can really relate. There are way too many things we are expected to do and WE help put these expectations on each other. Let's do more to take things more lightly :)
Kids today are spoiled. Fat lazy little entitled a******s..the young ones. The teens and twenty something's are great...why did it revert? I think a lot of people needed this.
My mom literally drinks wine every wednesday, friday, and during the weekends. And she is one of the people i look up to the most. so your mother doesn't have to follow societal norms, she just needs to raise you to the best of her abilities. That's the best she can do, and that's all she needs to do
I am overworked, my 3 kids are endlessly jealous of my work and each other and behave like horrible brats. I am on the verge of a breakdown, yet I don't say anything because it's always the mothers who get blamed first, and the least I need is someone telling me everything is my own fault and had I disciplined them better... There, I said it.
I am so glad I can't have kids. My f****d up reproductive system is my favourite part of my body.
I love the hairy legs details! Thanks so much for your authenticity and representation of real mothers.