Step-Son Destroys Step-Sister’s Book Collection, Expects No Punishment, But This Dad’s Having None Of His Shenanigans
Interview
Parenting’s hard. And it doesn’t get any easier when you become a step-parent to a kid who seems to deal with everything by getting into trouble.
An anonymous Reddit user, a parent to his own two kids and a step-father to another one, recently went to the Am I The A-Hole community to share a story of how his step-son trashed his biological daughter’s book collection, in response to which he refused to let the kid return until he makes amends.
This didn’t fly well with the step-son’s actual father and he’s being pressured into letting it go. So, he asked the lovely Redditors whether he’s wrong.
More Info: Reddit
Parenting’s hard. And it doesn’t get any easier when you’re a step-parent
Image credits: Carol VanHook
So, the Reddit user, with whom Bored Panda got in touch, is a father to his own 12-year-old daughter from another partnership, a father to a 2-year-old with his wife, and a step-father to the wife’s 16-year-old son from another marriage.
The son, Levi, wanted to borrow a camera from the daughter, Sarah, but she refused to lend it to him. In response to this, he effectively destroyed her beloved book collection by throwing it into a pool.
And this Reddit user asked the internet if he was wrong to not allow his step-son to return home because he destroyed his daughter’s books
Image credits: u/throw4privacy5
He is known to throw away stuff that belongs to people over small arguments, but enough is enough. The step-dad discussed a punishment with the mom, but before that could happen, Levi ran away, as he always does whenever in trouble, to his biological dad, who’d typically come back and yell at the step-dad.
You see, the biological dad demanded there’d be no punishment because it wasn’t Levi’s fault he was acting this way—he did so because he and Susan were mean to him. He also said he won’t let Levi come back until he is forgiven, and the step-dad flipped it around, saying he’s not to return until he makes amends.
Image credits: u/throw4privacy5
The step-dad holds that the kid has to learn a lesson, that there are consequences for one’s actions and that he needs to be held accountable for the things he does, especially if it hurts someone. But what the biological parent is doing is trying to negotiate a scenario where he’d get away with it.
You can imagine where this could lead to in the long run. This is besides the fact that his older daughter is being blatantly bullied, not just by the son but by his biological dad too, so it’s only fair that the step-dad steps in and does everything he can so she doesn’t get scarred for life.
Image credits: u/throw4privacy5
The Am I The A-Hole community responded, first with over 27,500 upvotes as well as over 60 Reddit awards, and then with over 5,300 comments discussing the matter.
While the Reddit user was reluctant to share this story, but the community was actually super helpful, as he explained: “At first, I was very hesitant about sharing my story on there for several reasons, but, my God, there were a ton of helpful responses that definitely helped me figure out what to do moving forward in this situation.”
Image credits: u/throw4privacy5
The final verdict was that the Reddit user is not the a-hole here, saying that this is flat-out bullying that needs to be punished, and that the daughter has to be protected against such behavior. Besides, something that was hers, cherished, was destroyed just because someone was unhappy. That is just unfair.
“There’s still plenty of pressure, specifically from my in-laws, to let my stepson come home,” elaborated the dad. “Some even mentioned getting a lawyer involved because they think what I’m doing is not OK, but I’m still standing my ground and right now declining any messages from my stepson’s dad that contain what looked to me like threats and most of them are saved in case I need them in the future. My stepson is still staying with his dad. His mom visits everyday.”
People ruled that the step-dad is not the bad guy here
As you might have guessed, the fact that story went viral, came as a surprise to the dad:
“I did not expect that and it was shocking to see how many people went through the same situation. I have barely read about 50 to 70 comments, but hearing people who had the same experience mostly giving advice certainly helped me better understand the situation and opened my eyes on many things that I did not consider before sharing my story.”
He continued: “I’m just so overwhelmed and grateful for everyone who offered their support—I also had people offering to help with replacing some of the books and I’ve contacted 2 of them so far so this particular issue is being taken care of thanks to this community. It’s really great to see this much support from people that aren’t family or close friends. It’s very overwhelming.”
You can check out some of the best responses to this story below, as well as read more in the thread here. But before you go, let us know your thoughts on this and how you would have attempted to manage this situation in the comment section below!
If Levi’s doing this at home, what is he doing when out with his friends? Just because the cops haven’t arrested him doesn’t mean they don’t know about him...
Exactly. He’s 16– his behavior is similar to that of sick males that sexually harass women and girls, being abusive with them in relationships, etc (it all starts with the arrogant behavior that escalates into sex-based crimes)
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Oh my gosh. My books are my life, I don't even lend them out to my friends. If someone purposefully ruined them I'd be livid!
They would never be seen again. That's all I can say.
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Children need to learn the consequences of their actions, and it shouldn't matter if someone is biologically related or not. If that child is in another adults house then they need to respect the property and people within it, and there should be repercussions for them to learn from.
Levi shouldn't be allowed to come home, until he agrees to stand silently while Susan smashes his Playstation (or other favorite toy), and then apologizes to Susan and says he understands that there will be no new Playstation (or other favorite toy) at his mother's house.
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I am sorry but this is also the mother’s fault. She is also responsible for her son, not the father but she seems incapable of protecting her other daughter. Telling her new husband to let it go after what her son did to her daughter? I would consider divorce after that.
I think it is not her daughter. She has the son, he has the daughter and together they have another daughter. So, maybe she does not really care for his daughter....
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Obviously Levi's father doesn't want him full time but expects his stepfather to put up with him. Letting him off the hook will only encourage his abuse of girls and later women. I don't know the laws of whatever country this is happening in but let him get a job and find his own place to live.
I wonder how the step son's father and grandparents would feel if it was Susan destroying his stuff. Pretty sure they would be upset. This kid does not get a pass, there is no reason the daughter should be treated like she does not matter.
Where the heck was the wife when this little creep was acting out? Why has she chosen to favor him over her daughters? How the hell did she let him torment his sisters and do nothing? ...///... Stepdad is right - and Levi's MOTHER has as much right to punish her son as his father does - so why is she sitting back and doing nothing?
What a nightmare child. I would threaten the dad with a destruction of property suit. Call cps, for what? There’s actual kids out there being abused and neglected and he wants to waste their time because stepdad is more a parent than the bio dad? I’d laugh in his face. I hope we get an update on this story
I agree with you 1000%, the 16 year old sounds like a spoilt brat and destroys other peoples stuff without a thought. I'm sorry, but I would go to the cops and do him for malicious damage..he has to be taught a lesson BEFORE age seriously hurts your young daughter or someone else. Sounds like a bully and a coward who runs home to daddy every time he steps out of line. Fine, let him stay with daddy. Mum isn't much better, I know it's her son but she's not doing him any favours by letting his behaviour go unpunished, if it was your daughter destroying his stuff I'm sure the crap would hit the fan BIG style. Maybe you should consider taking your daughter and yourself out of this marriage, he's gonna end up in prison for hurting someone cos he didn't get his own way and , sorry sir, it seems like he resents your daughter and SHE could be the one he hurts. Pack your stuff and get outta there. Let mummy and daddy visit him in jail, cos sure as hell, that's where he will end up. Despicable
Agreed, the most dangerous course of action is to let him get away with abusing others and destroying property, because that is what will get him thrown out of college, sued for big bucks, or thrown in jail as an adult. And he'll be a legal adult in less than 2 years.
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The real problem here is his bio parents. Not the kid. I think demanding he go to family counseling before coming home is probably the best route. Demanding he be "punished first" may not get you what you want. Either way it's good to defend the daughter.
Bio parents are at fault yes, but Levi is definitely at fault here, too. He is old enough to know that actions lead to consequences, and if he's not dealt with now, this will only escalate. He sounds like a sociopath. Dad is definitely NTA, but something needs to be done ASAP before the kid causes more damage or actually hurts somebody.
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if a friend of his daughter's had destroyed the books he would have made the parents pay for the damages, I would have made the biological father pay the value of the books. Don't want your child to be punished? then he pays the damages. He will change his mind in a short time ...
Yes he should do that or at least the mom should have done that already.
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I hope the father stands his ground for his daughters. It sounds like Levi is well rehearsed in those "apologies" and if you cannot punish him under your own roof, let Dad deal with his hot headed temper. Your children and family will be much better off until Levi learns a lesson, which I hope he does and soon. He is 16 and his father cannot talk him out of bigger punishments all his life.
I have a blended family. If my son destroyed something that belonged to another family member, he would have to make restitution by helping restore or replace the damaged items. The punk is old enough to either work a part time job to be able to afford obtaining replacements or he can complete tasks around the house or neighborhood until the debt is repaid. I think his mom and biological dad are overcompensating for their break up by letting the son act like a tyrant.
I vote invite them all round - Levi, the bio dad and the grandparents - take their coats, bags etc and throw everything in the pool. Then say 'That's what it feels like. Do you think I should apologise? See what they say. (Not really, but it might make the poor man feel better).
Let the kid come home. The next time he destroys someone’s stuff, make sure it’s your wife’s. Then we’ll see how easily she wants to let it go. I’ve had people break my stuff to the point I’ve had to throw it out. Only a few things. Nothing to this extent thankfully but they were things that meant a lot to me and it broke my heart seeing them broken and then gone. Good job for standing up for your daughter. Your 16 yo step son is a disgrace for picking on 12 yo.
Levi's dad let the cat out of the bag when he refused to let Levi attend family therapy. His only real objective is to make you and your wife as miserable as possible and he's succeeding! DON'T let Levi move back in until he attends family therapy with you. You tend to exaggerate the effectiveness of punishment in altering behaviour ; what Levi really needs is a thorough understanding of how bio-dad is using him to make you and your wife lose your marbles.
No... you're in the right. I probably would have called the police if someone threatened to call CPS on me...what he did was destruction of property. I just can't believe that his mother what you to let it go. Not a good sign...he is nearly a man... imagine if he loses it out in the real world. Actions have consequences. I pprobably also be looking at separation...since your wife is putting your family in danger by choosing not to punish him...not to be scary...but one day it's books...one day it might be a person.
OP should definitely not let Levi back in the house without some kind of punishment. You can bet that his bio parents would not be saying to let it go if it had been Sarah destroying Levi's stuff and running off to her bio mom to avoid punishments. Why should Levi get away with this if they - hypothetically - wouldn't let Sarah get away with the same thing?
My biological older sister did worse and i was told to not be so sensitive. NTA stepdad, but the bio-dad needs a reality check, IMO.
Am I the only one thinking that Levi is a would-be sociopath or criminal ? Absolutely no remorses, "psychological torture" over his little sister, manipulator,... I'm sincerely scared of what can happen next...
That's a bit over the top. He only threw her books in the water. Maybe he has adhd.
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Well we can clearly see why these two people got divorced. Hold your ground.
She would wind up divorced again if I was him... If her son and her EX are more important to her than you and your daughter... I'd send her ass packing with Levi back to the Ex's.
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My Wife, Daughter & I are all avid readers. My Daughter has 300+ books in her room alone. If her Brothers ever did something like that, at the very LEAST they'd be paying every cent of replacement & they'd lose their X-Boxes until they did. That'd be like a death sentence to them. The OP is absolutely correct & needs to either get this bully under control or move him out of their lives permanently.
OMG this Bio Dad has not figured out for himself that actions have consequences. He thinks he is protecting his son but he is enabling him to be and A$$HOLE! This 16 year old child has learnt that he can do whatever he wants and Daddy will stand by him. Just wait until he gets in trouble outside of the family and see where that gets him. My husband's ex wife and his daughter have gone out of their way to make our lives difficult so I know of what I speak. The step daughter is 42 now and still can't function without causing stress in my marriage.
I hate to be the bearer of bad (and obvious news) but NTA, you're gonna end up divorced my dude. Your wife is clearly choosing the son over your daughters. My son acted out badly when I got with my now fiance. He was used to being the "man" of the house etc etc. not too long ago I did the same thing. I sent him to his dads and my fiance would not allow him to return until he apologized and admitted what he did was wrong (long story) my ex husband was completely on board. We may not all get along, but we co parent. No child is allowed to run to the other parents house to hide. and if they do, guess what? A phone call has already been made and the other parent enforces the punishment.
The thing that gets me is that Levi is 16 and Susan is 12. Levi is a bully, plain and simple. It's time to get the police involved.
Mind if I slap Levi across the face with a hardcover book? Thanks :D
I'd pack everything of Levi's and drop it by his dads house. Let him reap the harvest he has sown. Let it simmer for a while. When he finally relents, put in place some rules including no running off to daddy's house when he does wrong. Levi is a big enough boy to take care of himself.
I have a sister, who, while I love her, I don't much like her. As a kid she would cause problems and my mother always asked me and my other sister to "just leave it alone". This was because she nearly died when she was born, because she was 3 months premature. She's 64 and still acts like an entitled brat. This is what happens when parents don't step in.
NTA at all. I kind of feel for Susan, she needs to deal with that bully of a brother too (i'm not saying that the parents don't have to punish him but that she have to react too to this behavior). I had one myself and i know that it's tough but she has to stand up for herself too. Mine was violent, bullying, always breaking my things... Once he threw a beloved toy down the stairs just for fun, i took his favorite lego T-Rex and did the same. He was not happy so he beat the ...out of me, he was kicking my head while i was lying on the ground and i just took something to make him stop, blinded i just took the nearest object and actually threw a metal trestle to his head. I broke his tooth. His punishment was the visit to the dentist, and mine was learning how to replace a broken glass window on the bathroom door because he broke it out of rage. The brother looks like a psychopath too and it's very toxic to grow up with one, i hope that she will stand up or she will grow up as a victim.
My post was too long but by saying "grow up as a victim" i mean internalized the fact that it's normal to suffer or be bullied or not respected by others and it can lead to self destruction and bad choices because of the lack of self esteem.
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This is not quite a response but I am wondering if I could replace some of her books. I am a reader and teacher who really feels for this poor girl. I hope I am able to...
Divorce the mom. Take daughter and move. Your daughter is vulnerable. The stepson is a monster.
I would just beat the sh*t out of Levi's dad. Then explain that he has to forgive me cause I was only acting out from how bad he was treating me every time I had an issue with Levi's bad behavior.
Some excellent suggestions in the original Reddit comments, like keeping a running tab and suing in small claims and filing a police report to establish a paper trail.
Not letting your children suffer the consequences of their actions is the first step towards drug addiction, alcoholism, and other major life/personality faults. It teaches them that there is no down side to their actions.
There is no help for this kid. He is ruined and he is going to get worse. He is "allowed" by his biological parents to be destructive and cruel. He will, eventually, kill someone. Tell your wife, this kid may visit, but he no longer is allowed to live here. She has to make a choice. And if she chooses the worthless piece of s**t, then leave, take your kids and do not look back. First thing, GET A LAWYER.
Bloody hell you escalated that fast. The kid is a d**k that is acting out but throwing books in a pool at 16 does not mean that he is going to become some kind of killer, with any luck he will learn to accept his step-sister as part of his family and look back on this with embarrassment.
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I would move out of the house and start divorce proceedings at once. The mom is just as guilty as the dad. OP needs to protect his daughter from the monsters that he married into.
If I was the mother ( like the 16 years old mom ) I would put my foot down and support my partner . Like the 16 year old is practically acting like a 2 year old ( probably says a lot about how the 2 year old kid acts in terms of maturity level ) . This is a major problem with how kids are being raised today . They practically aren’t being raised at all cuz they get bailed out every time and taught that they don’t hold any sort of responsibility since they’re “only a child and don’t know any better “ it’s like it’s always been said “ undisciplined children of today become the unemployable adult of tommow
If my brother did that to my books, he wouldn’t even have the chance to say another word before I would have him on the ground, in a headlock, and demanding him to get my books back.
I wonder how his wife would feel if her older kid did something to her other bio kid instead of the step daughter. The guy needs to divorce this enabling twat, that stepson is only going to cause problems the rest of his miserable life up until he lands in prison. And the kid is the way he is because of his mom, at least in part. Get custody of that other child before she screws it up as well and protect your daughter and get her away from a tormentor and a stepmom who wont protect her. Dont play nice you already know they wouldnt return the favor.
Personally, I'd get someone to come in and give the pricing for all the books he's ruined, and then make sure he pays it all back. He can come back to the house, but he's paying through his nose.
I’m worried about what the step son has done that your daughter hasn’t told you. I bet he bully’s her like crazy and it’s escalating. Your job is to protect your daughter. You are in the right. Please don’t fold. This will be something your daughter will remember for the rest of her life, make sure you don’t turn into a negative memory by not protecting and defending her.
I have a son that a stepmom raises. She is stern with him and I'm grateful for that because I'm definitely more carefree. I'm not a doormat but I'm more of a pursuader and an explainer than a disciplinarian. If I was Levi's biological dad, I'd be thankful for the discipline.
As a mom, I would be beyond livid if my spouse told my son he couldn't come home until X, especially without talking to me about it first. Then again, I would never accept that kind of behavior from my son. But I still feel like there's something missing from the story here. IMO the 'punishment' should be for the son to pay for the cost of the ruined books (summer jobs are a thing) and an apology. And family therapy for everyone who wants to be a part of the family.
How does dad expect Levi to learn responsibility when he takes away the consequences of his wrongdoings? I have quite simple rules in my house; my house, my rules! If you don't like it, not a problem, but then you can't stay at my house. Keep up the good work, don't let Levi disrespect people or other people's property! Dad won't be there to bail him out forever, and he needs to learn.
The kid sounds like my sister when she was a kid. When she was upset about anything (and it could be a really tiny thing), she would destroy something of mine. Nowadays it's "just" her tongue that lashes out, but that's still something that can make me cry sometimes. If she were not my sister, I would probably have nothing to do with her anymore.
Not my place and sorry if it’s rude, but Honestly, you should let your sister go.bad family members aren’t worth it. When you let shitty people go, you’re life is sooo much happier!! iI learnt the hard way.
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There seems to be an issue between this guy and Levi's mother. They need to get on the same page. Counselling is a good idea, even if Levi doesn't go, but it would be better if Levi was there and his father. Family dynamics are tricky, more so in blended families, and there are always multiple perspectives, of which we have been told one.
Maybe let it go this time. It's been weeks and whatever punishment he'll come up with is just weird now. But in no way can this continue or happen again, so maybe sit down with father and mother and talk things out and agree on a course of action if the boy does something like this again. Kid might have legitimate reasons for acting out, or just being a broody, moody teenager - we don't know that. He might feel (even if it's not true) undervalued, considering he's so much older and the only boy and the sisters naturally need more attention than he does. So he might feel unloved and acts out towards the sister in response. BUT: it's not her fault. So if possible, find something all three parents can agree on that will happen if he goes after his sister again. If he has a problem with the situation, or with step-dad, he should take it up with them. It's hard - he's a teenager! but it's not sister's fault, so she shouldn't be the one hurt
If I were him I'd stay out of this, buy new books, let it go. Dad is not gonna do that with him. He says it's his fault and his daughter's fault. If he causes problems with the ex, CPS gets involved and mom sees her son less, she's gonna hate him for it. Maybe she already does. He doesn't listen to his inlaws. Best idea I can come up with is buy new books yourself and locks, let go and change the days. One kid first half of the week there, other kid other half of the week.
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Honestly, sounds like Levi's mother should have just swallowed 16 years ago...
But at one point he said Levi's mom wanted him home he has no right to say that can't happen
YTA for not protecting your biological daughter from this abusive monster. She should feel safe in her home, yet gets verbal abuse and had her property destroyed. You need to make sure she is safe and Levi does not come back into the house until you can adequately protect her from him.
my brother throwing my Jurassic park book in the bathtub is still one of our more memorable fights. only second to the bigger pizza part fights and peeing on each other fights
If Levi’s doing this at home, what is he doing when out with his friends? Just because the cops haven’t arrested him doesn’t mean they don’t know about him...
Exactly. He’s 16– his behavior is similar to that of sick males that sexually harass women and girls, being abusive with them in relationships, etc (it all starts with the arrogant behavior that escalates into sex-based crimes)
Load More Replies... Oh my gosh. My books are my life, I don't even lend them out to my friends. If someone purposefully ruined them I'd be livid!
They would never be seen again. That's all I can say.
Load More Replies... Children need to learn the consequences of their actions, and it shouldn't matter if someone is biologically related or not. If that child is in another adults house then they need to respect the property and people within it, and there should be repercussions for them to learn from.
Levi shouldn't be allowed to come home, until he agrees to stand silently while Susan smashes his Playstation (or other favorite toy), and then apologizes to Susan and says he understands that there will be no new Playstation (or other favorite toy) at his mother's house.
Load More Replies... I am sorry but this is also the mother’s fault. She is also responsible for her son, not the father but she seems incapable of protecting her other daughter. Telling her new husband to let it go after what her son did to her daughter? I would consider divorce after that.
I think it is not her daughter. She has the son, he has the daughter and together they have another daughter. So, maybe she does not really care for his daughter....
Load More Replies... Obviously Levi's father doesn't want him full time but expects his stepfather to put up with him. Letting him off the hook will only encourage his abuse of girls and later women. I don't know the laws of whatever country this is happening in but let him get a job and find his own place to live.
I wonder how the step son's father and grandparents would feel if it was Susan destroying his stuff. Pretty sure they would be upset. This kid does not get a pass, there is no reason the daughter should be treated like she does not matter.
Where the heck was the wife when this little creep was acting out? Why has she chosen to favor him over her daughters? How the hell did she let him torment his sisters and do nothing? ...///... Stepdad is right - and Levi's MOTHER has as much right to punish her son as his father does - so why is she sitting back and doing nothing?
What a nightmare child. I would threaten the dad with a destruction of property suit. Call cps, for what? There’s actual kids out there being abused and neglected and he wants to waste their time because stepdad is more a parent than the bio dad? I’d laugh in his face. I hope we get an update on this story
I agree with you 1000%, the 16 year old sounds like a spoilt brat and destroys other peoples stuff without a thought. I'm sorry, but I would go to the cops and do him for malicious damage..he has to be taught a lesson BEFORE age seriously hurts your young daughter or someone else. Sounds like a bully and a coward who runs home to daddy every time he steps out of line. Fine, let him stay with daddy. Mum isn't much better, I know it's her son but she's not doing him any favours by letting his behaviour go unpunished, if it was your daughter destroying his stuff I'm sure the crap would hit the fan BIG style. Maybe you should consider taking your daughter and yourself out of this marriage, he's gonna end up in prison for hurting someone cos he didn't get his own way and , sorry sir, it seems like he resents your daughter and SHE could be the one he hurts. Pack your stuff and get outta there. Let mummy and daddy visit him in jail, cos sure as hell, that's where he will end up. Despicable
Agreed, the most dangerous course of action is to let him get away with abusing others and destroying property, because that is what will get him thrown out of college, sued for big bucks, or thrown in jail as an adult. And he'll be a legal adult in less than 2 years.
Load More Replies... The real problem here is his bio parents. Not the kid. I think demanding he go to family counseling before coming home is probably the best route. Demanding he be "punished first" may not get you what you want. Either way it's good to defend the daughter.
Bio parents are at fault yes, but Levi is definitely at fault here, too. He is old enough to know that actions lead to consequences, and if he's not dealt with now, this will only escalate. He sounds like a sociopath. Dad is definitely NTA, but something needs to be done ASAP before the kid causes more damage or actually hurts somebody.
Load More Replies... if a friend of his daughter's had destroyed the books he would have made the parents pay for the damages, I would have made the biological father pay the value of the books. Don't want your child to be punished? then he pays the damages. He will change his mind in a short time ...
Yes he should do that or at least the mom should have done that already.
Load More Replies... I hope the father stands his ground for his daughters. It sounds like Levi is well rehearsed in those "apologies" and if you cannot punish him under your own roof, let Dad deal with his hot headed temper. Your children and family will be much better off until Levi learns a lesson, which I hope he does and soon. He is 16 and his father cannot talk him out of bigger punishments all his life.
I have a blended family. If my son destroyed something that belonged to another family member, he would have to make restitution by helping restore or replace the damaged items. The punk is old enough to either work a part time job to be able to afford obtaining replacements or he can complete tasks around the house or neighborhood until the debt is repaid. I think his mom and biological dad are overcompensating for their break up by letting the son act like a tyrant.
I vote invite them all round - Levi, the bio dad and the grandparents - take their coats, bags etc and throw everything in the pool. Then say 'That's what it feels like. Do you think I should apologise? See what they say. (Not really, but it might make the poor man feel better).
Let the kid come home. The next time he destroys someone’s stuff, make sure it’s your wife’s. Then we’ll see how easily she wants to let it go. I’ve had people break my stuff to the point I’ve had to throw it out. Only a few things. Nothing to this extent thankfully but they were things that meant a lot to me and it broke my heart seeing them broken and then gone. Good job for standing up for your daughter. Your 16 yo step son is a disgrace for picking on 12 yo.
Levi's dad let the cat out of the bag when he refused to let Levi attend family therapy. His only real objective is to make you and your wife as miserable as possible and he's succeeding! DON'T let Levi move back in until he attends family therapy with you. You tend to exaggerate the effectiveness of punishment in altering behaviour ; what Levi really needs is a thorough understanding of how bio-dad is using him to make you and your wife lose your marbles.
No... you're in the right. I probably would have called the police if someone threatened to call CPS on me...what he did was destruction of property. I just can't believe that his mother what you to let it go. Not a good sign...he is nearly a man... imagine if he loses it out in the real world. Actions have consequences. I pprobably also be looking at separation...since your wife is putting your family in danger by choosing not to punish him...not to be scary...but one day it's books...one day it might be a person.
OP should definitely not let Levi back in the house without some kind of punishment. You can bet that his bio parents would not be saying to let it go if it had been Sarah destroying Levi's stuff and running off to her bio mom to avoid punishments. Why should Levi get away with this if they - hypothetically - wouldn't let Sarah get away with the same thing?
My biological older sister did worse and i was told to not be so sensitive. NTA stepdad, but the bio-dad needs a reality check, IMO.
Am I the only one thinking that Levi is a would-be sociopath or criminal ? Absolutely no remorses, "psychological torture" over his little sister, manipulator,... I'm sincerely scared of what can happen next...
That's a bit over the top. He only threw her books in the water. Maybe he has adhd.
Load More Replies... Well we can clearly see why these two people got divorced. Hold your ground.
She would wind up divorced again if I was him... If her son and her EX are more important to her than you and your daughter... I'd send her ass packing with Levi back to the Ex's.
Load More Replies... My Wife, Daughter & I are all avid readers. My Daughter has 300+ books in her room alone. If her Brothers ever did something like that, at the very LEAST they'd be paying every cent of replacement & they'd lose their X-Boxes until they did. That'd be like a death sentence to them. The OP is absolutely correct & needs to either get this bully under control or move him out of their lives permanently.
OMG this Bio Dad has not figured out for himself that actions have consequences. He thinks he is protecting his son but he is enabling him to be and A$$HOLE! This 16 year old child has learnt that he can do whatever he wants and Daddy will stand by him. Just wait until he gets in trouble outside of the family and see where that gets him. My husband's ex wife and his daughter have gone out of their way to make our lives difficult so I know of what I speak. The step daughter is 42 now and still can't function without causing stress in my marriage.
I hate to be the bearer of bad (and obvious news) but NTA, you're gonna end up divorced my dude. Your wife is clearly choosing the son over your daughters. My son acted out badly when I got with my now fiance. He was used to being the "man" of the house etc etc. not too long ago I did the same thing. I sent him to his dads and my fiance would not allow him to return until he apologized and admitted what he did was wrong (long story) my ex husband was completely on board. We may not all get along, but we co parent. No child is allowed to run to the other parents house to hide. and if they do, guess what? A phone call has already been made and the other parent enforces the punishment.
The thing that gets me is that Levi is 16 and Susan is 12. Levi is a bully, plain and simple. It's time to get the police involved.
Mind if I slap Levi across the face with a hardcover book? Thanks :D
I'd pack everything of Levi's and drop it by his dads house. Let him reap the harvest he has sown. Let it simmer for a while. When he finally relents, put in place some rules including no running off to daddy's house when he does wrong. Levi is a big enough boy to take care of himself.
I have a sister, who, while I love her, I don't much like her. As a kid she would cause problems and my mother always asked me and my other sister to "just leave it alone". This was because she nearly died when she was born, because she was 3 months premature. She's 64 and still acts like an entitled brat. This is what happens when parents don't step in.
NTA at all. I kind of feel for Susan, she needs to deal with that bully of a brother too (i'm not saying that the parents don't have to punish him but that she have to react too to this behavior). I had one myself and i know that it's tough but she has to stand up for herself too. Mine was violent, bullying, always breaking my things... Once he threw a beloved toy down the stairs just for fun, i took his favorite lego T-Rex and did the same. He was not happy so he beat the ...out of me, he was kicking my head while i was lying on the ground and i just took something to make him stop, blinded i just took the nearest object and actually threw a metal trestle to his head. I broke his tooth. His punishment was the visit to the dentist, and mine was learning how to replace a broken glass window on the bathroom door because he broke it out of rage. The brother looks like a psychopath too and it's very toxic to grow up with one, i hope that she will stand up or she will grow up as a victim.
My post was too long but by saying "grow up as a victim" i mean internalized the fact that it's normal to suffer or be bullied or not respected by others and it can lead to self destruction and bad choices because of the lack of self esteem.
Load More Replies... This is not quite a response but I am wondering if I could replace some of her books. I am a reader and teacher who really feels for this poor girl. I hope I am able to...
Divorce the mom. Take daughter and move. Your daughter is vulnerable. The stepson is a monster.
I would just beat the sh*t out of Levi's dad. Then explain that he has to forgive me cause I was only acting out from how bad he was treating me every time I had an issue with Levi's bad behavior.
Some excellent suggestions in the original Reddit comments, like keeping a running tab and suing in small claims and filing a police report to establish a paper trail.
Not letting your children suffer the consequences of their actions is the first step towards drug addiction, alcoholism, and other major life/personality faults. It teaches them that there is no down side to their actions.
There is no help for this kid. He is ruined and he is going to get worse. He is "allowed" by his biological parents to be destructive and cruel. He will, eventually, kill someone. Tell your wife, this kid may visit, but he no longer is allowed to live here. She has to make a choice. And if she chooses the worthless piece of s**t, then leave, take your kids and do not look back. First thing, GET A LAWYER.
Bloody hell you escalated that fast. The kid is a d**k that is acting out but throwing books in a pool at 16 does not mean that he is going to become some kind of killer, with any luck he will learn to accept his step-sister as part of his family and look back on this with embarrassment.
Load More Replies... I would move out of the house and start divorce proceedings at once. The mom is just as guilty as the dad. OP needs to protect his daughter from the monsters that he married into.
If I was the mother ( like the 16 years old mom ) I would put my foot down and support my partner . Like the 16 year old is practically acting like a 2 year old ( probably says a lot about how the 2 year old kid acts in terms of maturity level ) . This is a major problem with how kids are being raised today . They practically aren’t being raised at all cuz they get bailed out every time and taught that they don’t hold any sort of responsibility since they’re “only a child and don’t know any better “ it’s like it’s always been said “ undisciplined children of today become the unemployable adult of tommow
If my brother did that to my books, he wouldn’t even have the chance to say another word before I would have him on the ground, in a headlock, and demanding him to get my books back.
I wonder how his wife would feel if her older kid did something to her other bio kid instead of the step daughter. The guy needs to divorce this enabling twat, that stepson is only going to cause problems the rest of his miserable life up until he lands in prison. And the kid is the way he is because of his mom, at least in part. Get custody of that other child before she screws it up as well and protect your daughter and get her away from a tormentor and a stepmom who wont protect her. Dont play nice you already know they wouldnt return the favor.
Personally, I'd get someone to come in and give the pricing for all the books he's ruined, and then make sure he pays it all back. He can come back to the house, but he's paying through his nose.
I’m worried about what the step son has done that your daughter hasn’t told you. I bet he bully’s her like crazy and it’s escalating. Your job is to protect your daughter. You are in the right. Please don’t fold. This will be something your daughter will remember for the rest of her life, make sure you don’t turn into a negative memory by not protecting and defending her.
I have a son that a stepmom raises. She is stern with him and I'm grateful for that because I'm definitely more carefree. I'm not a doormat but I'm more of a pursuader and an explainer than a disciplinarian. If I was Levi's biological dad, I'd be thankful for the discipline.
As a mom, I would be beyond livid if my spouse told my son he couldn't come home until X, especially without talking to me about it first. Then again, I would never accept that kind of behavior from my son. But I still feel like there's something missing from the story here. IMO the 'punishment' should be for the son to pay for the cost of the ruined books (summer jobs are a thing) and an apology. And family therapy for everyone who wants to be a part of the family.
How does dad expect Levi to learn responsibility when he takes away the consequences of his wrongdoings? I have quite simple rules in my house; my house, my rules! If you don't like it, not a problem, but then you can't stay at my house. Keep up the good work, don't let Levi disrespect people or other people's property! Dad won't be there to bail him out forever, and he needs to learn.
The kid sounds like my sister when she was a kid. When she was upset about anything (and it could be a really tiny thing), she would destroy something of mine. Nowadays it's "just" her tongue that lashes out, but that's still something that can make me cry sometimes. If she were not my sister, I would probably have nothing to do with her anymore.
Not my place and sorry if it’s rude, but Honestly, you should let your sister go.bad family members aren’t worth it. When you let shitty people go, you’re life is sooo much happier!! iI learnt the hard way.
Load More Replies... There seems to be an issue between this guy and Levi's mother. They need to get on the same page. Counselling is a good idea, even if Levi doesn't go, but it would be better if Levi was there and his father. Family dynamics are tricky, more so in blended families, and there are always multiple perspectives, of which we have been told one.
Maybe let it go this time. It's been weeks and whatever punishment he'll come up with is just weird now. But in no way can this continue or happen again, so maybe sit down with father and mother and talk things out and agree on a course of action if the boy does something like this again. Kid might have legitimate reasons for acting out, or just being a broody, moody teenager - we don't know that. He might feel (even if it's not true) undervalued, considering he's so much older and the only boy and the sisters naturally need more attention than he does. So he might feel unloved and acts out towards the sister in response. BUT: it's not her fault. So if possible, find something all three parents can agree on that will happen if he goes after his sister again. If he has a problem with the situation, or with step-dad, he should take it up with them. It's hard - he's a teenager! but it's not sister's fault, so she shouldn't be the one hurt
If I were him I'd stay out of this, buy new books, let it go. Dad is not gonna do that with him. He says it's his fault and his daughter's fault. If he causes problems with the ex, CPS gets involved and mom sees her son less, she's gonna hate him for it. Maybe she already does. He doesn't listen to his inlaws. Best idea I can come up with is buy new books yourself and locks, let go and change the days. One kid first half of the week there, other kid other half of the week.
Load More Replies... Honestly, sounds like Levi's mother should have just swallowed 16 years ago...
But at one point he said Levi's mom wanted him home he has no right to say that can't happen
YTA for not protecting your biological daughter from this abusive monster. She should feel safe in her home, yet gets verbal abuse and had her property destroyed. You need to make sure she is safe and Levi does not come back into the house until you can adequately protect her from him.
my brother throwing my Jurassic park book in the bathtub is still one of our more memorable fights. only second to the bigger pizza part fights and peeing on each other fights
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