Stepmother Wants To Name Her Pregnant Stepdaughter’s Baby, Goes Nuclear When She’s Told ‘No’
You can’t have healthy relationships without some type of boundaries. Even when it comes to your family (or perhaps especially in those cases), it’s essential to set a framework of what kind of behavior is and isn’t acceptable. When people cross that line, they must know they’ve messed up. There have to be consequences for terrible behavior. A stepmom telling her pregnant step-daughter that she’s going to be “a horrible mother” is one of those times.
Internet users were shocked to read a young mother’s story on the AITA subreddit, sharing how awfully her stepmom treated her once she found out that she was pregnant. It all started falling apart when the redditor refused to name the baby what the stepmom wanted. The family drama then got way out of hand, prompting the author of the story to ask the AITA community for a verdict on who was in the wrong in this case.
Scroll down for the full story, which reads like something straight from a tale from the Brothers Grimm with how awful the stepmom behaved, and share your opinions in the comments, dear Pandas. Who overstepped the boundaries here? How would you have acted in a similar situation?
There’s a lot of stress when you’re a mom-to-be. Unfortunately, not all family members are as supportive as you’d like
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
A pregnant woman shared how an argument with her stepmom over the baby’s name quickly turned nuclear
Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)
Image credits: stepmotheraitathrow
After the mom-to-be refused to bow down to her stepparent’s will, the woman went nuclear in the drama department. She showed her toxicity by trying to bring the pregnant woman down with her words. In short, the older woman tried to guilt her stepdaughter into giving in to her demands to name the baby.
Well, the young mom had enough and told her that she wouldn’t be around her grandchild in the future. The stepmother ramped things up by throwing out even more nasty insults. The cherry on top of this Cake of Awfulness was her saying that her stepdaughter would be a horrible mother.
While some of the people closest to the redditor supported her, others, including her father, were on the stepmother’s side. Wanting to get a more objective opinion on what happened, the OP turned to the AITA community for advice. Most redditors were clear about how the author didn’t do anything wrong and that she needed to speak with her father, alone, about the stepmom’s behavior.
Alex Scot, a relationship expert, previously told Bored Panda that boundaries lead to flourishing relationships. They help avoid the build-up of anger and resentment and form healthy expectations.
“Without them [boundaries], we live our lives at the expense of ourselves. The mindset for many when it comes to setting boundaries is that they feel selfish, or that they aren’t being a good partner when they implement them, so they avoid doing it altogether,” she shared with us during an earlier interview, adding that boundaries are needed in both romantic and familial relationships.
“This only causes resentment to build and overwhelm to set in both within the individual and the relationship as a whole. Boundaries are there for us to be able to take care of and to protect ourselves so that we can show up and operate within our lives as successfully as possible.”
According to Alex, the closer a person is to us, the more flexible we have to make these boundaries. We ought to be willing to look for compromises with the people nearest and dearest to our hearts. Meanwhile, we should consider setting strict boundaries for the people who don’t mean much to us.
The OP shared some more details in the comments of her post
Most people thought the woman did nothing wrong. Here’s exactly what they told her online
NTA. Absolutely NTA. The stepmother is a vicious woman. The things she has said and done to that poor young lady is horrible and mean. Nobody has the right to name another's baby. That's up to the parents.
I can just fast forward a few years and imagine the step mother saying the same foul things to the little girl
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Something tells me that this isn't 100% what is going on, but if it is 100% what is going on, both the stepmom and the dad is an a*s hold. More so the dad.
It can’t be. The way the story is written is basically like a run on sentence with only the one woman talking and the stepdaughter complaining. It’s a strange tale. Might be true but it’s not quite accurate. Many key details missing.
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I’ve seen this before. The whole thing was designed to elicit an emotional response from you. Once you got upset with your stepmother, it became all about how awful you were to her and everything she did to get the response gets glossed over. She is doing it on purpose to cause a break with your father. She’s with him everyday and putting incredible pressure in him to choose her side. The same thing happened to my cousin but she was much older. She deals with it by trying to see her dad alone as much as possible and otherwise pretending not to hear when some antagonistic or stupid comes out of her stepmother’s mouth. We all do it - just look off into the distance and then continue the conversation like she never spoke. In your case, she’s too far gone for that - tell your dad that you will only see him without her. It may mean you see him very little or not at all.
Not even her grandchild. Only step grandchild. So, no opinion at all required from her.
Regardless of what the whole story behind this really is, there is no 'right' for grandparents to name their grandchidlren. Where does this idea even come from??? I have never ever heard of this absurdity.
Quite apart from the fact that it's not her grandchild!
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NTA. OP's dad has sh!tty taste in women and let his wife abuse his daughter for long enough. The hubs sounds pretty cool though.
Nta what kind of pot does your stepmom smoke holy s**t she's like a living incarnation of the devil you have every right to name your child whatever you want
OP, get thee to a counselor & learn the ropes o' codependent relationships, their consequences, & set yourself free of this abusive bs. You don't control what your father does, but you DO control what you do. What makes you think that this woman wouldn't do the same to your child what she did to you? Your father will very likely sit by & watch that as well. Wake up & smell the litter box- this abuser acts out because she's been permitted to. Takin the "high road" w/ people like your stepmum is an exercise in futility- you're in for a LONG drive. Make as clean a cut as you can & walk on.
Stepmom definitely has a mental disorder, she needs some professional help. I wouldn't trust her around my children, period, if she said all that c**p to me. Snip snip, cut toxic people out of your life.
The stepmother has her own childrens’ children to f**k up if they let her,a nd I hope they won’t. You are NOT her daughter, never were. She treated you like Cinderella’s stepmother treated her, ffs, and now she wants the honor and privilege of naming your child, who is NOT her grandchild, for you? Tell her to get the f**k over herself and get the f**k out of your life. Tell your Dad he’s only welcome if he leaves the b***h at home.
Seriously? What gave her the idea she had ANY say when it comes to someone else's child!?! She's trying to make this about her, to be the center of attention and to push you further away from your father. Cut her off immediately, make sure family and friends know that they will also get cut off if they pass ANY information about your family to her. I'd talk to your dad. Tell him he can come to you if he comes alone but NOTHING shared with her. Tell him all she has done & that you won't allow your child around someone like that, who would hurt them the same way. Dad needs to seriously consider the consequences his wife's actions are having on him.
Why even waste time, nerves, and air to continue talking to someone like that? Life's too short to spend on toxic individuals. Also, don't let an emotional vampire feed on you -- feed on them instead! It's much more fun this way, especially since the majority of them do not expect to end up on the receiving end, which makes trolling them a hilarious experience.
That's some serious narcissism. Sounds *exactly* like something my mom or ex-wife would do. I can say from experience, they won't stop. Gaslighting, insults. If they weren't in public, I wouldn't be surprised if it went to physical abuse. The person who said go NC is right. There's no reasoning with people like this because they live in a world of delusion.
The dad's wife sounds like the type who would wear white to her own (step)child's wedding.
She is 1000% NTA!! And the step mother had such a sense of self entitlement, it's ridiculous! 😤😡
NTA! I'm a 'step-mom' and I put that because even my daughter would do the same thing. I may not have given birth to her, and I've never treated her any other way than had I given birth to her. She calls me mom, even around her bio mom, and I refuse to call her by my 'step-daughter'. Age is a HUGE factor here too that makes a difference. My daughter was 5 when I got her (along with my boys whom were 5 & 4 at the time) we added in a little sister not longer after. Now there being a short back story, our oldest daughter is pregnant, & due in September. She told her dad and I first about being pregnant, told me the babies name first. She kept asking me if I liked the name they had chosen. I told my daughter straight as can be, 'Ed, you could name the baby Zzizzex and I wouldn't care. All I care about is you and her making it through the pregnancy.'
My "step dad " is simply my dad. Has loved us from day 1. Parents are those who love you and are always there for you
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100% nta. The stepmom is toxic and abuser and the father is an enabler. Keep them both out of to it life because they will abuse your daughter too if you don't.
The story states that the step-mom has kids. I wonder what ages and how they turned out.............
Here's hoping that you get along well with your husband's family, because it sounds like you may need to go NC with your dad and stepmom. What it sounds like to me is that stepmom is a true narcissist, and she has your father cowed too much to argue. She is probably making your father's life hell, but he won't admit it, (or argue with her in public.) As another poster said, make sure that your stepmother isn't permitted to visit when you give birth. She's mentally unstable, so keep her at a good distance. And let your dad know that she isn't permitted, and he can do with that what he wants. Good luck!
NTA. The stepmom sounds like a full till #karen/narcissist combo. She is a stepmom and as such will cannot be a grandmother to the child, just a step-grandmother. She is right to go no contact.
NTA OP. When you have your honestly time with your dad, you should suggest that she seriously needs to go to therapy. If she won't go herself, they should do marriage counseling. This woman is clearly unstable and needs professional help. Glad you and your husband are taking care of your child even before they are born. Your dad should take note. Good luck, you have already shown what a great mother you will be.
Wow. Where did your dad find this nutcase? Your dad was wrong to have brought the 'witchy stepmother along to begin with. It seems yur dad lost part of his anatomy.
NTA at all. Your baby your name. She’s a step mom no relation to u and she’s not even nice! Tell her to go shove it. Your dad too he sucks. Haha she said she always knew u were a brat. Ok great so why would she feel so entitled to name ur child? Remind her it’s her step grandchild no blood relation or any kind of relation to her at all. Some people are just really toxic. No need to let her influence your daughter in any way shape or form.
Wow... Step does not equal "Grand"...unless the parent of the child permits it. Even if there was a legitimate family tradition that the grands named the grandchildren, that means that Dad has the right, not the new wife. -- Hellfire, just because she married the poster's father does not even make her family, should the (almost adult) poster (at the time of the wedding) not want that connection with dad's new bride.
The father has no balls, his wife is toxic and he actually leave her but he can’t because against n he has no balls. Ensure to tell your father you are not going to accept his and hers behaviour.
NTA - someone who verbally and emotionally abuses you isn't someone you need to expose your kid to. Stick to your guns, and set boundries with your Dad - he is not to bring her near you or your kid, or you will cut him off too. If you show up to lunch, and she's there, walk away. If she arrives, get up and leave. You don't have to tolerate crazy and toxic.
I would not be having anymore contact with SM. Give your dad one chance and if he doesn't comply with what you expect then he is out too.
The stepmother is a classic narcissist. Deflecting and making herself out as the victim. It's classic and so pathetic. I wouldn't even leave a child alone with this person, let alone allow her to name it. For others saying the story doesn't sound true: I've heard stories from friends with stepparents. My SIL was told by her husband's stepmother that they (SIL & hubby) would need to move their wedding because her nuptials (to FIL) was going to be this year as well. Yes, she demanded to be the center of attention for the entire year.
Had my exes parents try that with my and I straight up said NO and I'm happy I did...21 years and he and his family did nothing for her. But when we had that argument she said it was tradition and I said it wasn't my tradition and this kids isn't coming out of him. She tried that "I had to do it" thing and I was like "not my problem". Made things super weird and stuck to my guns after she was born and didn't give a c**p what she thought after I left her son.
NTA, as much as I'm sure it hurts it's time to cut ties for you and your baby.
The only universe in which someone believes they can name someone else's baby is a fictional one. I guess AITA threads are mostly rejected daytime soap scripts?
consider urself lucky that the situation sounds fabricated, bc clearly you've never been exposed to massively deranged, power-hungry, entitled, selfish, gaslighting, abusive, narcissistic ppl, especially within ur own family. i can't even count how many similar situations i've heard of/seen/been victim of where overbearing family w inflated self importance have transcended the line of delusion and genuinely think they're entitled to control every facet of their adult offspring/niece/nephew/imbalanced power dynamic relative and go crazy if they're denied the opportunity. i 100% believe this situation happened. and its not a one-off exception. try a little more sympathy and a little less victim blaming/suspicion
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I swear, some of these AITA posts are like, "My brother wants us to murder our parents and use their corpses in an Eldritch ceremony to bring forth Cthulhu, and he's mad that I'm not interested. AITA?"
Stupid, if she has to ask the internet about this she shouldn’t reproduce.
Ummmm why? If everyone else is calling her a b***h it's normal to feel uncertain
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I don't know. She was abused by her Stepdevil and people (family?) are telling her that she did wrong. Such things can get to you real quick and you start doubting yourself. And sometimes you just want validation, if you don't get it from anyone else.
Load More Replies... NTA. Absolutely NTA. The stepmother is a vicious woman. The things she has said and done to that poor young lady is horrible and mean. Nobody has the right to name another's baby. That's up to the parents.
I can just fast forward a few years and imagine the step mother saying the same foul things to the little girl
Load More Replies... Something tells me that this isn't 100% what is going on, but if it is 100% what is going on, both the stepmom and the dad is an a*s hold. More so the dad.
It can’t be. The way the story is written is basically like a run on sentence with only the one woman talking and the stepdaughter complaining. It’s a strange tale. Might be true but it’s not quite accurate. Many key details missing.
Load More Replies... I’ve seen this before. The whole thing was designed to elicit an emotional response from you. Once you got upset with your stepmother, it became all about how awful you were to her and everything she did to get the response gets glossed over. She is doing it on purpose to cause a break with your father. She’s with him everyday and putting incredible pressure in him to choose her side. The same thing happened to my cousin but she was much older. She deals with it by trying to see her dad alone as much as possible and otherwise pretending not to hear when some antagonistic or stupid comes out of her stepmother’s mouth. We all do it - just look off into the distance and then continue the conversation like she never spoke. In your case, she’s too far gone for that - tell your dad that you will only see him without her. It may mean you see him very little or not at all.
Not even her grandchild. Only step grandchild. So, no opinion at all required from her.
Regardless of what the whole story behind this really is, there is no 'right' for grandparents to name their grandchidlren. Where does this idea even come from??? I have never ever heard of this absurdity.
Quite apart from the fact that it's not her grandchild!
Load More Replies... NTA. OP's dad has sh!tty taste in women and let his wife abuse his daughter for long enough. The hubs sounds pretty cool though.
Nta what kind of pot does your stepmom smoke holy s**t she's like a living incarnation of the devil you have every right to name your child whatever you want
OP, get thee to a counselor & learn the ropes o' codependent relationships, their consequences, & set yourself free of this abusive bs. You don't control what your father does, but you DO control what you do. What makes you think that this woman wouldn't do the same to your child what she did to you? Your father will very likely sit by & watch that as well. Wake up & smell the litter box- this abuser acts out because she's been permitted to. Takin the "high road" w/ people like your stepmum is an exercise in futility- you're in for a LONG drive. Make as clean a cut as you can & walk on.
Stepmom definitely has a mental disorder, she needs some professional help. I wouldn't trust her around my children, period, if she said all that c**p to me. Snip snip, cut toxic people out of your life.
The stepmother has her own childrens’ children to f**k up if they let her,a nd I hope they won’t. You are NOT her daughter, never were. She treated you like Cinderella’s stepmother treated her, ffs, and now she wants the honor and privilege of naming your child, who is NOT her grandchild, for you? Tell her to get the f**k over herself and get the f**k out of your life. Tell your Dad he’s only welcome if he leaves the b***h at home.
Seriously? What gave her the idea she had ANY say when it comes to someone else's child!?! She's trying to make this about her, to be the center of attention and to push you further away from your father. Cut her off immediately, make sure family and friends know that they will also get cut off if they pass ANY information about your family to her. I'd talk to your dad. Tell him he can come to you if he comes alone but NOTHING shared with her. Tell him all she has done & that you won't allow your child around someone like that, who would hurt them the same way. Dad needs to seriously consider the consequences his wife's actions are having on him.
Why even waste time, nerves, and air to continue talking to someone like that? Life's too short to spend on toxic individuals. Also, don't let an emotional vampire feed on you -- feed on them instead! It's much more fun this way, especially since the majority of them do not expect to end up on the receiving end, which makes trolling them a hilarious experience.
That's some serious narcissism. Sounds *exactly* like something my mom or ex-wife would do. I can say from experience, they won't stop. Gaslighting, insults. If they weren't in public, I wouldn't be surprised if it went to physical abuse. The person who said go NC is right. There's no reasoning with people like this because they live in a world of delusion.
The dad's wife sounds like the type who would wear white to her own (step)child's wedding.
She is 1000% NTA!! And the step mother had such a sense of self entitlement, it's ridiculous! 😤😡
NTA! I'm a 'step-mom' and I put that because even my daughter would do the same thing. I may not have given birth to her, and I've never treated her any other way than had I given birth to her. She calls me mom, even around her bio mom, and I refuse to call her by my 'step-daughter'. Age is a HUGE factor here too that makes a difference. My daughter was 5 when I got her (along with my boys whom were 5 & 4 at the time) we added in a little sister not longer after. Now there being a short back story, our oldest daughter is pregnant, & due in September. She told her dad and I first about being pregnant, told me the babies name first. She kept asking me if I liked the name they had chosen. I told my daughter straight as can be, 'Ed, you could name the baby Zzizzex and I wouldn't care. All I care about is you and her making it through the pregnancy.'
My "step dad " is simply my dad. Has loved us from day 1. Parents are those who love you and are always there for you
Load More Replies... 100% nta. The stepmom is toxic and abuser and the father is an enabler. Keep them both out of to it life because they will abuse your daughter too if you don't.
The story states that the step-mom has kids. I wonder what ages and how they turned out.............
Here's hoping that you get along well with your husband's family, because it sounds like you may need to go NC with your dad and stepmom. What it sounds like to me is that stepmom is a true narcissist, and she has your father cowed too much to argue. She is probably making your father's life hell, but he won't admit it, (or argue with her in public.) As another poster said, make sure that your stepmother isn't permitted to visit when you give birth. She's mentally unstable, so keep her at a good distance. And let your dad know that she isn't permitted, and he can do with that what he wants. Good luck!
NTA. The stepmom sounds like a full till #karen/narcissist combo. She is a stepmom and as such will cannot be a grandmother to the child, just a step-grandmother. She is right to go no contact.
NTA OP. When you have your honestly time with your dad, you should suggest that she seriously needs to go to therapy. If she won't go herself, they should do marriage counseling. This woman is clearly unstable and needs professional help. Glad you and your husband are taking care of your child even before they are born. Your dad should take note. Good luck, you have already shown what a great mother you will be.
Wow. Where did your dad find this nutcase? Your dad was wrong to have brought the 'witchy stepmother along to begin with. It seems yur dad lost part of his anatomy.
NTA at all. Your baby your name. She’s a step mom no relation to u and she’s not even nice! Tell her to go shove it. Your dad too he sucks. Haha she said she always knew u were a brat. Ok great so why would she feel so entitled to name ur child? Remind her it’s her step grandchild no blood relation or any kind of relation to her at all. Some people are just really toxic. No need to let her influence your daughter in any way shape or form.
Wow... Step does not equal "Grand"...unless the parent of the child permits it. Even if there was a legitimate family tradition that the grands named the grandchildren, that means that Dad has the right, not the new wife. -- Hellfire, just because she married the poster's father does not even make her family, should the (almost adult) poster (at the time of the wedding) not want that connection with dad's new bride.
The father has no balls, his wife is toxic and he actually leave her but he can’t because against n he has no balls. Ensure to tell your father you are not going to accept his and hers behaviour.
NTA - someone who verbally and emotionally abuses you isn't someone you need to expose your kid to. Stick to your guns, and set boundries with your Dad - he is not to bring her near you or your kid, or you will cut him off too. If you show up to lunch, and she's there, walk away. If she arrives, get up and leave. You don't have to tolerate crazy and toxic.
I would not be having anymore contact with SM. Give your dad one chance and if he doesn't comply with what you expect then he is out too.
The stepmother is a classic narcissist. Deflecting and making herself out as the victim. It's classic and so pathetic. I wouldn't even leave a child alone with this person, let alone allow her to name it. For others saying the story doesn't sound true: I've heard stories from friends with stepparents. My SIL was told by her husband's stepmother that they (SIL & hubby) would need to move their wedding because her nuptials (to FIL) was going to be this year as well. Yes, she demanded to be the center of attention for the entire year.
Had my exes parents try that with my and I straight up said NO and I'm happy I did...21 years and he and his family did nothing for her. But when we had that argument she said it was tradition and I said it wasn't my tradition and this kids isn't coming out of him. She tried that "I had to do it" thing and I was like "not my problem". Made things super weird and stuck to my guns after she was born and didn't give a c**p what she thought after I left her son.
NTA, as much as I'm sure it hurts it's time to cut ties for you and your baby.
The only universe in which someone believes they can name someone else's baby is a fictional one. I guess AITA threads are mostly rejected daytime soap scripts?
consider urself lucky that the situation sounds fabricated, bc clearly you've never been exposed to massively deranged, power-hungry, entitled, selfish, gaslighting, abusive, narcissistic ppl, especially within ur own family. i can't even count how many similar situations i've heard of/seen/been victim of where overbearing family w inflated self importance have transcended the line of delusion and genuinely think they're entitled to control every facet of their adult offspring/niece/nephew/imbalanced power dynamic relative and go crazy if they're denied the opportunity. i 100% believe this situation happened. and its not a one-off exception. try a little more sympathy and a little less victim blaming/suspicion
Load More Replies... I swear, some of these AITA posts are like, "My brother wants us to murder our parents and use their corpses in an Eldritch ceremony to bring forth Cthulhu, and he's mad that I'm not interested. AITA?"
Stupid, if she has to ask the internet about this she shouldn’t reproduce.
Ummmm why? If everyone else is calling her a b***h it's normal to feel uncertain
Load More Replies... I don't know. She was abused by her Stepdevil and people (family?) are telling her that she did wrong. Such things can get to you real quick and you start doubting yourself. And sometimes you just want validation, if you don't get it from anyone else.
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