Mom Has The Perfect Response For MIL After She Calls Her Stepson’s Eyeshadow Ridiculous, Drama Ensues
I remember when I first started wearing makeup. I was about 13 years old, and after much begging, my mother agreed to buy me a tube of clear mascara and some pink lip gloss. The mascara did absolutely nothing, and the lip gloss only lasted an hour or two until I used the water fountain at school. But the important thing was that I felt super cool.
It is completely natural for teenagers to start experimenting with makeup and wanting to wear it to school or out in social settings, but apparently, not all parents and grandparents feel the same way. One woman recently shared on the “Am I The [Jerk]?” subreddit that her mother-in-law was less than amused when she allowed her stepson to wear eyeshadow to school.
Below, you can find the full story that the mother posted to ask readers if she had been in the wrong. Feel free to share your own thoughts on the family drama in the comments, and then, if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article highlighting how makeup can be for anyone and everyone, check out this story next!
After allowing her stepson to wear eyeshadow to school, this mom found herself in hot water with her mother-in-law
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
The mom later explained her reasoning and shared additional details on the situation
Credits: awayitthrows_1234
She also responded to several comments from readers
Wearing makeup certainly isn’t for everyone. I have never had a natural talent for it, and due to a lack of caring and impatience for the process, I end up wearing it about once a year. But we all have the right to decide for ourselves whether we want to become the next Michelle Phan or wear a natural face for the rest of our days. If you enjoy the artistic expression of experimenting with various eyeshadows, using blush, contouring, or applying a fun lipstick, then more power to you. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s business.
In this particular situation, it seems that the grandmother might have been upset about Eli wearing makeup simply because he’s a boy. But the fact is that plenty of boys and men are interested in makeup. And similar to how we should never place arbitrary limitations on what sports girls can play, we shouldn’t stop boys from expressing their artistic sides either. Gender norms are harmful and outdated, and let’s be honest, Eli is probably much better at doing makeup than plenty of women out there (including myself!).
Thankfully for boys everywhere, the stigma around being interested in makeup is slowly diminishing over time. According to a 2019 survey from Morning Consult, 33% of men between the ages of 18-29 said that they would consider wearing makeup. In fact, many men have already begun experimenting with cosmetics or regularly using them, as the male grooming market is expected to be worth $110 billion by 2030.
“The rise in men using make-up is growing at an incredible rate, as well as the number of people talking about the space,” says Danny Gray, Founder of UK-based men’s make-up brand, War Paint. “I would say that this is not a trend but rather a movement that will keep progressing. The next stage is to continue to normalize men in the make-up space to the point where the everyday man can feel comfortable and confident incorporating it into their everyday routines.”
While there are often generational differences when it comes to what is considered fashionable and trendy, there is absolutely no reason for a grandmother to try to dictate how her teenage grandson dresses or how he chooses to express himself. Wearing makeup is harmless, and if it makes Eli feel more confident, who is Grace to try and stop him? We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below. How would you have responded to this mother-in-law’s comments? And if you have ever had to defend your child’s choices to a parent-in-law, feel free to share your personal stories with your fellow pandas as well.
Many people have applauded the mother, reassuring her that she navigated the situation beautifully
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Share on FacebookWhen I was a little boy (late 80s to be fair so be kind lol) I loved to dress up. Particularly I liked Shiny things. My mom said it was like living with a crow. And I adored my baby doll until I was like 5. It wasn't uncommon for me to be decked out in costume jewelry with a doll while grocery shopping. Mom said you do you. Grandpa wasnt as cool with it. You're gonna make him gay, don't you want him to grow up manly, everyone can see him, we're going somewhere all my friends will be etc. I'm not gay, cuz that's not how that works. I'm a construction foreman. His friends mostly didn't pay attention to 5 year old me. But my mothers support is something that I've never doubted about any of the ridiculous twists and turns I've taken over the years. Support your kids and they will love you and trust you and still call you at 36 and say mom I'm sad because you won't judge. This woman 100 percent did the right thing.
I grew up in the 80s/90s as well! I was the opposite - a girl who did not like any girl stuff and loved boy stuff. I had a pet iguana, I caught lizards and insects in the backyard, I was fascinated by cars/mechanics and planes, I played in the dirt, I HATED dolls, dresses, and frills. My grandma and mom were worried (my mom wanted me to be an actress/model, so I'd get beaten for getting dirty) but my dad supported me and took me to air shows and taught me how to fix cars. I wanted to become a mechanic, but he told me he didn't want me to become a "grease monkey". I'm kind of sad I didn't pursue it as a career anyway! I loved my father (he died last year) but I don't have a positive relationship with my mother. She's the same toxic narcissist at 79 that she always was.
Load More Replies...The mother is great. What a loving person and the MIL can go F herself. That's all I'm saying.
I have a Nephew like Eli, his name is Sam. Sam knows there are ten million ways to be a boy and I swear the kid is going to try them all. I got into a huge fight with my red neck brother (not Sam's Dad, Sam's Dad is one of my favorite people on earth) over Sam wearing nail polish. Sam hears this fight going on and says to redneck uncle "hey, it's Chanel!" and he walked out the door. Redneck's slack jaw dropped to the floor.
"Aren't you going to say how..."? NO. If YOU feel it needs to be said YOU say it. YOU are free to ruin whatever goodwill the child has towards you & you opinions/mental capacities.
I'd ask 'Grace' one question~~"WHY do you want him to wash his make up off?" Is she afraid 'of him' or *for him*? The former, then kick the hairy b***h's a*s to the curb. The latter~~you get to explain the NO ONE is safe in this world, and that she needs to tell her grandson that she fears for his safety. HOWEVER, she does NOT get to manipulate him to get her way! The more that people are educated, the less fear there is and subsequently, the fewer attacks on people who aren't *the norm*.
I'm at a loss as to how people are expected to "keep the peace" or "take the high road" when dealing with rude family members, ESPECIALLY when they're a guest in your home. This woman was way more polite than I would have been. I say this, after having an extremely rude mother in law living with us for almost 4 years. I have no more f***s left to give.
You as his mother, maybe not the one that pushed him out but the one there you are amazing! MIL has no right to JUDGE a child and I love you talked about colour's that work together over shaming him. MIL needs to mind her own business.
Your MIL is not concerned at all about the child - only about appearances. If a guy who wears makeup is a perverted unnatural freak, he's still a perverted unnatural freak if he takes it off.
Every kid cycles through a lot of different styles until they find the one they like the best, is most comfortable for them, and they feel best represents THEM, regardless of what the knuckledraggers like the MIL here think. I’m 62, and remember going through hippie to preppie to disco to punk styles when I was younger. Once I found my own individual style, the one that fit me and my personality, and was the most comfortable to ME, I fully embraced it. I’ve kept it too, with periodic updates to keep it looking current (what I mean is, for example if your best hairstyle is a bob, you can update it to keep it from looking like the same eighties bob you’ve always had—-it’s still your signature bob hairstyle, just refreshed).
Load More Replies...This is a picture of my completely heterosexual, motorcycle driving, leather jacket wearing, machinist & now 28 year old son from high school. Parents worry too much. Jack-bride...16-png.jpg
I love this story. Honestly, as young people, we try on many identities on our way towards finding ourselves a bit more (lifelong process really). Some will be short lived, others last a few years and others become part of our identity. Who are we to limit what we are allowed to try based solely on a person's assigned gender and our current sociological expectations around that gender? 200 years ago pink and makeup would be seen as masculine. Nothing is inherently masculine or feminine, we just make it that way.
Our kid is four years old and has already gone through a black phase, and orange phase, a blue phase and now only wants to wear pink. Lol. Please send help when they hit puberty!
Load More Replies...OP your husband needs to support you or else the MIL needs to go, because otherwise they will both drive you nuts after the baby's born!
I think humor would go such a long way in a lot of situations. Laughing off comments or just saying something like, "Well, Gramma aren't you behind the times! " Or "Gramma you know that things are a bit different these days!" Not every single little thing needs confrontation or angst or even the internets opinion. Laughter is a great unifier.
Say what now? Shouldn’t a grandmother know how horrifically rude it is to pìss all over someone else’s fashion choice? In THEIR home, no less! Does she do that to other people I wonder; “Thank you for letting me stay here, Margaret, but you won’t be wearing that dress in my presence, thank you.” No. The world doesn’t work that way, Grandma Karen, getting old is no excuse for being unbelievably rude.
If I were the husband I'd be setting up boundaries between my wife and son.
Might be worth pointing out to the MIL that she's damaging her relationship with Eli with those comments. With the parents as well, but honestly the parents are more likely to let it go than a kid who is finding himself and doesn't feel loved by his Grandma for who he is.
I know it's not the point, but I personally don't like the way pink eye shadow looks. I think the green probably looked cool. I'm not a fashionista so I woulda just asked Eli if they liked the way the green was looking and if they said yes, then I would be like, cool.
Depends on the green and pink shades. OP said it was forest green eyeshadow and delicate pink, so a more delicate green would’ve worked better if he really wanted to go with green. I think one of the commenters’ suggestion of taking him the Ulta or some other reputable makeup seller to have his colors done, and teach him what type of makeup is best for his skin type (like using comedogenic brands if his skin tends to break out easily), as well as proper application and removal, to preserve his complexion, especially during his teens. His stepmom and the makeup pros can also show him how his makeup can age with him. I mention this from experience. I tended to wear less and less makeup as I got older, as foundation just sinks into wrinkles and makes them look worse. I’m 62 now, and usually wear no makeup. If I’m going out to work or an event, I will wear just a light, natural looking application, enough to cover dark circles and even out my skin tone.
Load More Replies...The only real reason someone should be made to take off makeup is if it’s going to give someone an allergic reaction. OP is awesome!!
If that was my son I'd just be awfully worried that he'd get bullied though. But these days kids like that can be the popular ones, too so more power to him. It's not like he's hurting anyone.
Depends on how backward the area they live in is. In more enlightened areas of the country these days, most kids won’t bully classmates at all anymore, and definitely not for something like this. To them, it would be NBD, as it should be. Gender roles are a social construct, which I am happy to see evolving from the rigid and patently unfair rules they had when I was growing up (I’m 62, only one year younger than MIL, and hate that she swallowed those “norms”, hook, line, and sinker, because I rejected them). It is amazing just how much more welcoming children and teenagers are than a lot of their parents or grandparents—-some are wonderful like the OP, but others are horrible like OP’s MIL. Kids will always parrot what they see, hear, and experience at home, so it all depends on how intolerant their parents are, and how successfully they’ve brainwashed their kids into being just as horrible as they are. I always hope for those kids to have an epiphany, change their ways, and reject their parents’ brainwashing.
Load More Replies...You must be the knuckledragger MIL in this article. Go unload your b******t where it belongs. In the toilet. Then f**k off back under your rock, and stay there this time.
Load More Replies...When I was a little boy (late 80s to be fair so be kind lol) I loved to dress up. Particularly I liked Shiny things. My mom said it was like living with a crow. And I adored my baby doll until I was like 5. It wasn't uncommon for me to be decked out in costume jewelry with a doll while grocery shopping. Mom said you do you. Grandpa wasnt as cool with it. You're gonna make him gay, don't you want him to grow up manly, everyone can see him, we're going somewhere all my friends will be etc. I'm not gay, cuz that's not how that works. I'm a construction foreman. His friends mostly didn't pay attention to 5 year old me. But my mothers support is something that I've never doubted about any of the ridiculous twists and turns I've taken over the years. Support your kids and they will love you and trust you and still call you at 36 and say mom I'm sad because you won't judge. This woman 100 percent did the right thing.
I grew up in the 80s/90s as well! I was the opposite - a girl who did not like any girl stuff and loved boy stuff. I had a pet iguana, I caught lizards and insects in the backyard, I was fascinated by cars/mechanics and planes, I played in the dirt, I HATED dolls, dresses, and frills. My grandma and mom were worried (my mom wanted me to be an actress/model, so I'd get beaten for getting dirty) but my dad supported me and took me to air shows and taught me how to fix cars. I wanted to become a mechanic, but he told me he didn't want me to become a "grease monkey". I'm kind of sad I didn't pursue it as a career anyway! I loved my father (he died last year) but I don't have a positive relationship with my mother. She's the same toxic narcissist at 79 that she always was.
Load More Replies...The mother is great. What a loving person and the MIL can go F herself. That's all I'm saying.
I have a Nephew like Eli, his name is Sam. Sam knows there are ten million ways to be a boy and I swear the kid is going to try them all. I got into a huge fight with my red neck brother (not Sam's Dad, Sam's Dad is one of my favorite people on earth) over Sam wearing nail polish. Sam hears this fight going on and says to redneck uncle "hey, it's Chanel!" and he walked out the door. Redneck's slack jaw dropped to the floor.
"Aren't you going to say how..."? NO. If YOU feel it needs to be said YOU say it. YOU are free to ruin whatever goodwill the child has towards you & you opinions/mental capacities.
I'd ask 'Grace' one question~~"WHY do you want him to wash his make up off?" Is she afraid 'of him' or *for him*? The former, then kick the hairy b***h's a*s to the curb. The latter~~you get to explain the NO ONE is safe in this world, and that she needs to tell her grandson that she fears for his safety. HOWEVER, she does NOT get to manipulate him to get her way! The more that people are educated, the less fear there is and subsequently, the fewer attacks on people who aren't *the norm*.
I'm at a loss as to how people are expected to "keep the peace" or "take the high road" when dealing with rude family members, ESPECIALLY when they're a guest in your home. This woman was way more polite than I would have been. I say this, after having an extremely rude mother in law living with us for almost 4 years. I have no more f***s left to give.
You as his mother, maybe not the one that pushed him out but the one there you are amazing! MIL has no right to JUDGE a child and I love you talked about colour's that work together over shaming him. MIL needs to mind her own business.
Your MIL is not concerned at all about the child - only about appearances. If a guy who wears makeup is a perverted unnatural freak, he's still a perverted unnatural freak if he takes it off.
Every kid cycles through a lot of different styles until they find the one they like the best, is most comfortable for them, and they feel best represents THEM, regardless of what the knuckledraggers like the MIL here think. I’m 62, and remember going through hippie to preppie to disco to punk styles when I was younger. Once I found my own individual style, the one that fit me and my personality, and was the most comfortable to ME, I fully embraced it. I’ve kept it too, with periodic updates to keep it looking current (what I mean is, for example if your best hairstyle is a bob, you can update it to keep it from looking like the same eighties bob you’ve always had—-it’s still your signature bob hairstyle, just refreshed).
Load More Replies...This is a picture of my completely heterosexual, motorcycle driving, leather jacket wearing, machinist & now 28 year old son from high school. Parents worry too much. Jack-bride...16-png.jpg
I love this story. Honestly, as young people, we try on many identities on our way towards finding ourselves a bit more (lifelong process really). Some will be short lived, others last a few years and others become part of our identity. Who are we to limit what we are allowed to try based solely on a person's assigned gender and our current sociological expectations around that gender? 200 years ago pink and makeup would be seen as masculine. Nothing is inherently masculine or feminine, we just make it that way.
Our kid is four years old and has already gone through a black phase, and orange phase, a blue phase and now only wants to wear pink. Lol. Please send help when they hit puberty!
Load More Replies...OP your husband needs to support you or else the MIL needs to go, because otherwise they will both drive you nuts after the baby's born!
I think humor would go such a long way in a lot of situations. Laughing off comments or just saying something like, "Well, Gramma aren't you behind the times! " Or "Gramma you know that things are a bit different these days!" Not every single little thing needs confrontation or angst or even the internets opinion. Laughter is a great unifier.
Say what now? Shouldn’t a grandmother know how horrifically rude it is to pìss all over someone else’s fashion choice? In THEIR home, no less! Does she do that to other people I wonder; “Thank you for letting me stay here, Margaret, but you won’t be wearing that dress in my presence, thank you.” No. The world doesn’t work that way, Grandma Karen, getting old is no excuse for being unbelievably rude.
If I were the husband I'd be setting up boundaries between my wife and son.
Might be worth pointing out to the MIL that she's damaging her relationship with Eli with those comments. With the parents as well, but honestly the parents are more likely to let it go than a kid who is finding himself and doesn't feel loved by his Grandma for who he is.
I know it's not the point, but I personally don't like the way pink eye shadow looks. I think the green probably looked cool. I'm not a fashionista so I woulda just asked Eli if they liked the way the green was looking and if they said yes, then I would be like, cool.
Depends on the green and pink shades. OP said it was forest green eyeshadow and delicate pink, so a more delicate green would’ve worked better if he really wanted to go with green. I think one of the commenters’ suggestion of taking him the Ulta or some other reputable makeup seller to have his colors done, and teach him what type of makeup is best for his skin type (like using comedogenic brands if his skin tends to break out easily), as well as proper application and removal, to preserve his complexion, especially during his teens. His stepmom and the makeup pros can also show him how his makeup can age with him. I mention this from experience. I tended to wear less and less makeup as I got older, as foundation just sinks into wrinkles and makes them look worse. I’m 62 now, and usually wear no makeup. If I’m going out to work or an event, I will wear just a light, natural looking application, enough to cover dark circles and even out my skin tone.
Load More Replies...The only real reason someone should be made to take off makeup is if it’s going to give someone an allergic reaction. OP is awesome!!
If that was my son I'd just be awfully worried that he'd get bullied though. But these days kids like that can be the popular ones, too so more power to him. It's not like he's hurting anyone.
Depends on how backward the area they live in is. In more enlightened areas of the country these days, most kids won’t bully classmates at all anymore, and definitely not for something like this. To them, it would be NBD, as it should be. Gender roles are a social construct, which I am happy to see evolving from the rigid and patently unfair rules they had when I was growing up (I’m 62, only one year younger than MIL, and hate that she swallowed those “norms”, hook, line, and sinker, because I rejected them). It is amazing just how much more welcoming children and teenagers are than a lot of their parents or grandparents—-some are wonderful like the OP, but others are horrible like OP’s MIL. Kids will always parrot what they see, hear, and experience at home, so it all depends on how intolerant their parents are, and how successfully they’ve brainwashed their kids into being just as horrible as they are. I always hope for those kids to have an epiphany, change their ways, and reject their parents’ brainwashing.
Load More Replies...You must be the knuckledragger MIL in this article. Go unload your b******t where it belongs. In the toilet. Then f**k off back under your rock, and stay there this time.
Load More Replies...
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