Stepmom Refuses To Attend Stepdaughter’s Birthday After Getting Caught Trying To Sabotage The Cake
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Olivia
Happy birthday to you!
Now blow out the candles, and make a wish! Then we can eat that delicious cake!
Perhaps it’s just because I have a massive sweet tooth, but I strongly believe that cake is one of the best parts of birthdays. Of course you can eat cake any day of the year, but your birthday is one day where you should definitely be able to choose your favorite flavor and splurge on the most delicious cake you can possibly find. Chocolate, vanilla, carrot, strawberry, red velvet, salted caramel, whatever you like! A scrumptious birthday cake is the perfect way to celebrate one more year around the sun.
However, for one husband and father, birthday cake recently caused quite a bit of drama within his household. Below, you’ll find the story that Reddit user Am535799 shared on the “Am I the Jerk?” subreddit earlier this week, wondering if he went too far in ensuring his daughter was given the perfect birthday cake for her. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments, and feel free to share your personal stories if birthday cake has ever been a sensitive topic for you too. Then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda story where cake was at the center of drama, look no further than right here.
After ensuring his daughter would have her favorite flavor of birthday cake on her special day, this father found himself in a heated argument with his wife
Image credits: Dark Dwarf (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Am535799
I know what you are probably thinking: this is such a ridiculous thing to be fighting over. And you would be right! It sounds like the mother in this situation is acting less mature than a 13-year-old would. I would also guess that her 16-year-old daughter would not be devastated by skipping a piece of birthday cake; she is nearly an adult and is capable of serving herself another treat instead. Plus, the mom could have always bought a separate, small vanilla cake to satisfy her own daughter without taking anything away from the actual birthday girl. But some people just don’t understand that the world does not revolve around them, and that we can’t always get what we want.
Any time there are kids from both parents in a blended family, there is a risk that each stepparent will favor their own children. It is only natural to have a stronger bond with your own child, but stepparents have to remember that blatant favoritism can have negative effects on their children. Well, the mother in this story is actually aware of that fact because she used the risk of showing favoritism to support her point as to why the cake should be vanilla.
But a birthday is one of the only times when it is fair to accommodate one girl over the other. When it’s Britney’s birthday, I’m sure there will be no question about what flavor of cake they will have. But if even on Olivia’s birthday she was overlooked and did not get to have the cake that she likes because her stepmother was more concerned about Britney, that could be incredibly hurtful. It would tell her that her parents don’t care about her preferences enough or know her well enough to make her day as special as possible.
According to psychologist Ilan Shrira, “Disfavored children experience worse outcomes across the board: more depression, greater aggressiveness, lower self-esteem, and poorer academic performance. These repercussions are far more extreme than any benefits the favored children get out of it (negative things just have a stronger impact on people than positive things). And it’s not all rosy for the favored children either — their siblings often come to resent them, poisoning those relationships.”
“Many of these consequences persist long after children have grown up and moved out of the house,” Shrira explains on Psychology Today. “People don’t soon forget that they were disfavored by their parents, and many people report that being disfavored as a child continues to affect their self-esteem and their relationships in adulthood.”
There are plenty of bakeries, grocery stores and shops where cakes can be purchased. If it was really such a big deal, this mother could have taken initiative and purchased a small vanilla cake, and this whole issue would have been avoided. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below: how would you have reacted if you were being told not to get your daughter’s favorite flavor of cake for her birthday? And remember, you can’t always have your cake and eat it too!
Readers have overwhelmingly sided with the father, assuring him that if anyone was in the wrong, it was his wife
"Currently, I'm married to my wife..." in the first paragraph pretty much tells us the state of their marriage, the rest only confirms.
What is wrong with that woman? Olivia should get her flavour cake on her birthday, and Britney should get her favourite flavour on her birthday. I bet the wife would freak out if the husband bulled the same stunt on Britney's birthday
She didn't want the attention off her and her daughter
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It's my sons 17th birthday today - he only likes chocolate cake, won't touch any other kind, so he always gets a chocolate cake on his birthday - always - when it's my other kids birthdays they can get whatever cake they choose and I'll either get/make a small cake or cupcakes that he also likes so he's not left out - after all each of them will eat the chocolate ones as ŵell as the one they've picked. It's not a big deal, and the kids don't give a c**p either way as they know their birthday is about them - it's their one day a year to be entirely about them. This isn't about compromise, it's about her priorities being her own daughter and not his - definitely would've spat the dummy if roles were reversed
I'm one of those weird people that doesn't like chocolate cake. I don't complain if I'm at a party and there's only chocolate cake. It's not my birthday, it's not about it. My spouse LOVES chocolate cake, so I bake chocolate cakes for him on his birthday. I've put a lot of effort into finding really good cake and frosting recipes so that I can make the best chocolate cake possible for his birthday. And I'll share the day with him by having a very small piece of it, even though I don't like chocolate cake. If I put enough ice cream with it then I barely notice the cake. But the point is that it's HIS birthday, and he should have a cake that he really enjoys.
I think her husband should order a chocolate cake for Brittany. "Hey, we should make Olivia happier too, right? Just like you ordered a vanilla cake for Olivia." But I suppose that would be too petty of me....
Britney is going to have a hard time when she is forced to realize the world does not revolve around her
I mean it doesn't even look like Britney was all too bothered from the story, it's her mom that's the issue.
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This woman: the birthday is not an excuse for favoritism Also this woman: buys the cake specifically to accommodate to the wishes of ONE guest(who is also happens to be her daughter) If one guest can't eat the cake for whatever reason, the right way to compromise would be to buy a separate cupcake/slice of cake for her in addition to the main cake for the birthday girl and other guests. If a few guests have a problem with a choco cake, you can consider buying two cakes, for example.
OMG this just made my blood boil. "use this opportunity to make everyone else happy" EVIL STEPMOM MEANT 'tell her that everyone has the right cr@p on her.'
It wouldn't been so bad if she got the small piece vanilla but she made the big piece of the cake vanilla. It's not her daughter's birthday. I hate ppl who thinks the world revolves around them and their kids. I guess she's one of those women who think a man should treat the new wife kids better than their kids from previous relationships. I have a sister-in-law that thinks that. My nephew hates going to see his dad. My brothers wife treats him like c**p. We had to confront him with everything his son told us she does when his dad's at work. I lost it on her.
Did the confrontation work? If it made someone see the light and exposed her for what she really was, it was worth it.
Load More Replies... Birthdays are the one day of the year that is yours. Favorite games, restaurant, food, and cake. If their birthday had been the same day then each would get their favorite cake. OP NTA, your daughter deserves her chocolate cake on her birthday. Wife's daughter deserves vanilla on her birthday. Have a variety of cupcakes available for those that prefer a different flavor. You say your daughter is an introvert, has that increased since you've been with the selfish step mother and her daughter? You might offer counseling to your daughter for evaluation of home situation when you aren't there. If there is emotional abuse when you aren't there, Time to leave her behind, take your daughter and move on.
Exactly. Throughout this article I became more and more concerned for his daughter. If the stepmother is this dismissive of her stepdaughter's feelings, and is that blatant of projecting her shortcomings onto her husband, I really fear for the emotional health of his daughter. If anything happens to his daughter, I fear that this woman would have no qualms about abandoning her without anything. (If nothing else, I hope this dad at least set up support, or some type of trust fund, in case something happens to him).
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Doing something behind your back is just evil controlling act of dominance. "I'm going to get my way, period". Start planning a separation and divorce now. What happens when it comes time to pay for college?
I love how dad stood up for his daughter. The 16 year old is old enough to suck it up and not expect a birthday to be about her. My birthday just past and my daughter and her fiance got me my favorite flavor of cake. It was just for me I didn't have to share but I did. My mom brought yellow and chocolate cupcakes in the shape of my age for everyone else to have a flavor they like. My son will be 2 in December and I am ordering a marble cake making a vanilla cake a chocolate cake and a strawberry cake. Just so we can see if he likes a flavor better than another. For future and I can cover all kids who's going to be there. Did the same with my daughter. She likes white Almond. But prefers home bake cakes more. I can't stand a selfish woman.
This is not about a cake. It never was. It is about control and keeping her daughter in the spot light and by extension herself. I don't ever advocate for divorce,but in this case I am. She's nasty to your daughter when you're not around. Her daughter too. Get out now. For your sanity and your daughters future.
There are several shared birthdays in my family. If the two birthday people disagree on cake flavor, there are two cakes. No question. You get the flavor of cake you want for your birthday. Non-birthday people can either have a piece of cake or not. (Unless you want an ice cream cake in November, but the Dairy Queen isn't open in winter).
Its pretty clear that the wife has been pulling s**t like this on his daughter for quite some time and has been getting away with it. That's why she changed the cake and thought she could get away with it. This guy needs to have a chat with his daughter (poor kid is only 13 so really has no tools or life skills to deal with this woman) to find out what else is going on. Sorry but he needs to put his child first.
NTA. Wife knows birthday girl hates vanilla, but bought vanilla cake because her daughter likes vanilla??? Why should the cake favour the not birthday girl over the birthday girl?? This is so wrong, it's blatant favoritism towards wife's daughter over husband's daughter. Wife didn't even get neutral flavor as she suggested. I agree with those commenters who think this wife is doing more stuff like this behind husband's back. He needs to take his daughter out alone for a special treat and ask her if there have been any issues with wife and daughter. Check that they don't take his daughter's things for stepdaughter, give stepdaughter more chores, etc. the good news is stepdaughter is 16, she will be an adult in 2 years and can go off to college or move out and start working.
First off dad is NTA, his WIFE IS!! SECONDLY, it's not about the cake! It's about making certain that Olivia knows she's second best with her own dad, and wifey runs EVERYONE in the household!! AND that dad has NO SAY in how his daughter is allowed to FEEL. BEAUCOUP KUDOS for taking the cake back. It was OLIVIA'S special day, and NOT BRITNEY'S. But that, after the desired cake was bought, and the celebration began, WHAT MENTALLY SOUND PURPOSE IS BEING SERVED TO NOT JOIN IN THE CELEBRATION AND TO STILL BE RUINING DAD AND OLIVIA'S HAPPINESS ABOUT IT?? WIFEY needs intense therapy and it wouldn't hurt QUEEN BRAT BRITNEY to go as well. In fact to put each on the right family-member track, the WHOLE family should go once ATLEAST to share their perceptions and feelings about what was done to Olivia and her dad by two NARCISSISTS who "love" dad and Olivia. This marriage is extremely Unhealthy. Rather than push Olivia to suicide, maybe best to divorce.
Are those divorce bells I hear? I'm sensing some serious Cinderella and the Evil Stepmother vibes here....she's the one teaching her daughter to be a brat and teaching her that she's better than everyone else. Sorry, not sorry - life comes with disappointment, and a 16-year-old definitely needs to learn that before she's out on her own.
Your last sentence says it all. Things don't always go the way you want. She'll need to learn to roll with it.
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I understand that you want to teach children how to compromise, but you also have to teach them that they deserve something they want to. Birthdays have been used for this for alot of years. Olivia's birthday is not about moms daughter she needs to get over it. Husband is not tah. Step mom is. For gosh sake quit giving more ammo to people to say a stepmom can never love a stepchild like there own.
I side with the birthday girl on this one. In my family the birthday person chooses what flavor of cake they want, If they even want cake at all. (Sometimes we choose cheesecake or pie instead.) It's all up to whomever's birthday it is.
We did the same thing. When we were kids, we had cake. As we got older, my mother would make my brother his favorite b-day apple pie. She made cheesecake for mine.
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When I was younger, I wanted fresh fruit for my birthday instead of cake. My mother said that this was not fair to my guests and bought a cake and then insisted that I have some. I was not a happy birthday girl. You have one day a year to be selfish. Let the girl have her chocolate.
Dude. I literally went through this (the kids side). I HATE coconut but my sister loves it, so she had a coconut chocolate cake for her birthday. I think I had some ice cream or something. Not a big deal. It's her birthday and its not a big deal anyways
NTA. The man is completely correct in his argument. The "wife" seems pretty entitled herself. Everyone should have something special to them on their birthday. Now, it is apparent why Olivia is an introvert, with having to deal with an entitled step mom, step sister, and parents arguing over simple things. Poor baby! She can't even have a birthday without all the drama!
How narcissistic can you be?? Olivia deserves to have what cake SHE would like on her birthday. He needs a divorce ASAP. Some people man I swear
For godssake, it's HER birthday. Britney gets a vanilla cake for hers - how is that even a debate???? These AITA posts are always doing my head in. What is WRONG with people?
To see what other peoples' opinions are. If you don't like the AITA posts, then why even read them?
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Yeah, doesn't she know it's alllll about strawberry? 😆
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I loved strawberry cake (not filling) and chocolate and vanilla. My sister only like German chocolate w orange. We are 13 months apart so I'm in March and she is in April for birthdays. Sometimes my mom would forget and mix her cake up with mine. I wouldn't eat it. I'd blow the candles out and let the other kids eat it. She asked why and said it was (sisters) her fav not mine. My sister is still very hard headed an even though my mom said from now on she would only make vanilla she still made her that choco orange thing the next month. This was til we were about 10. I still can't deal with that Combo. And hate jelly fillings. Honestly I prefer plain no icing on a cake.
OP is definitely NTAH, but why are some folks on here assuming that Britney had anything to do with the cake being changed.
SOUNDS LIKE STEP MOM IS SELF CENTERED ITS IS NOT HER DAUGHTERS BDAY ITS NONE OF HER FN BUSINESD
There is so much wrong with what this woman did that I don't even know where to begin. Suffice it to say Dad was totally in the right. If the op wants to stay married to this woman a solution to a future situation like this would be to buy a second cake. What I'm worried about is how the 13 year old is being treated by this woman in everyday life because she is clearly not cared about by the step "mom". I hope dad is as vigilant the other 364 days of the year!
My brother and his wife have birthdays 5 days apart. He likes yellow cake/chocolate frosting and she likes chocolate cake/chocolate frosting. How do we remedy this? I make a sheet cake and pour both flavors at the same time. They each get their favorite and in the middle is Marble cake. Sometimes they have Marble cake because they both like it. They like it so much that was their wedding cake flavor and it went over with everyone, not a crumb left. It is time to grow up people, life is not going to give a person everything their own way. There are so many “adults” out there who never learned to share. They are the ones who if they couldn’t be in charge of the game, they picked up their toys and went home. Sounds like something lacking in their upbringing, we had to learn to get along, our parents insisted we did.
Blended families can be difficult if one or both parents play favorites. Olivia should have the cake flavor she loves. That's what birthdays are all about. On Britany's birthday, she should get the cake that she loves. Wife's sneaky, underhanded move is disturbing. Wife is just teaching Britany that she can always get what she wants, regardless of other people's feelings. Going to grow to be an entitled brat, if she isn't already. I bet the cake issue is just the tip of the iceberg in this family. It goes far deeper. I'll bet the wife has been pulling this sh*t with many other issues as well, that the husband doesn't even know about. Husband needs to give this marriage some serious thought.
I hope you are currently seeking a divorce. This b***h doesn't give a damn about your daughter and thinks the world should revolve around the little twat that came out of her. RRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! She has made it obvious that your daughter does not matter. And and you can't stay with a woman who does not care at all about your daughter.
"Let's pick a neutral flavor" doesn't mean ONLY get what YOUR child prefers. Especially since it's not even her birthday to begin with. I'm in agreement that birthday girl shouldn't have to even compromise--it's HER day. But for stepmom to go out of her way and straight up swap the flavor of someone else's cake for the sake of appeasing her own kid's sweet tooth is petty. If she ACTUALLY wanted to pick a neutral flavor, she would've picked literally anything else that was neither of the girls' favorites. Hell, at least then the girls could compromise in hating the cake together 😆
I just can't with people now adays. How are you married and haven't worked this kind of stuff out yet? Hubs and I are raising our kids together. We don't use "his kid" "her kid" "Step" verbiage, they are ALL OUR KIDS. WE raise them. TOGETHER. Every kid gets what THEY want on THEIR birthday. Hell my hubs LOVES cheese cake. (like maybe even an unhealthy obsession) I on the other hand do not care for it. I don't NOT like it, I just don't care for it. Guess what he gets EVERY birthday. Cheescake and I graciously eat it because HE loves it. On of our sons likes chocolate, one daughter likes vanilla etc, no one bitches and complains. It's not that hard.
First of all, I don't understand people who hate vanilla or chocolate. Other than that I would tell dad to leave that manipulative toxic woman that's projecting her nasty onto him.
... Continued...& IN MY OPINION & EXPERIENCE... My guess is that there have been plenty of indicators--interactions, behavioral indicators (withdrawal, depression, anxiety, crying, flinching, grades dropping) that you ignored/minimized for this"woman". Ask Olivia's ACTUAL Mother, ask her friend's parents ask Olivia--bug don't assume she will trust you enough to confide in you after you married a "woman" who would do this to her (the Birthday cake switch is, itself, a nasty, $#!tty, emotionally abusive move, however, I suspect it indicates a FAR more SERIOUS & on-going issue). I would be surprised if Olivia TRUSTS *YOU*.I also suspect that you have ignored indicators of abuse/neglect because your "wife" was, in REALITY, more important to you. Please think about the case of poor, 11 yo Gannon Stauch. Q
In my opinion & experience: As a Mother, former (disfavored) child, & former CPS worker with WAY too much experience with child abuse, I am here to say that this was a really, really nasty thing for yr "wife" to do. And, if this is what that step-monster is doing IN FRONT of you, I have no doubt that she is outright (more) abusive to Olivia when you are not watching. I would be very willing to bet that Britanny follows suit. I would guess that Olivia is too terrified to tell you, not trusting you t ok believe her, or help. I imagine your "wife" has, as perpetrators tend to do, convinced her that there is no help for her, no place to turn. My strong suggestions--get Olivia in TRULY trauma-informed, trauma-centered therapy, DO NOT LEAVE HER ALONE WITH, NOR IN THE "CARE OF" YOUR "WIFE" *EVER AGAIN*, NOR BRITTANY, & quietly prepare for divorce. Document this, & the other signs of/outright abuse that you have not tuned into/ignored so far... continued in next comment...
I have three siblings, we have different cake preferences. I dislike whip cream frosting, they love it. I would never be upset they got the cake they wanted on their birthday lmfao its their birthday, you know, the day to celebrate them?
I think we all should be questioning why the wife didn't just buy a separate cake then??or cupcakes??? It really is not that serious to ruin the cake Olivia would have liked. Nobody gives an eff what Britney "won't like" on OLIVIA's birthday, ESPECIALLY since if the roles were reversed, you better believed that wife WOULD NOT be sticking with chocolate just because Olivia doesn't like vanilla! That wife is very selfish and arrogant!!!
First, I'd be interested to know if he is Olivia's custodial parent. That might be a source of jealousy for stepmom. Then, I wonder what Britney's thoughts are on the whole thing. She may be embarrassed by her mother's behavior. He did the right thing. When it's Britney's birthday, she can choose the kind of cake she wants.
This is not about a birthday cake. The cake is a symptom of a much bigger problem. Big problems usually pop up in small ways
Teach the girls both to compromise. My birthday, we get my flavor. When Brittany has her birthday, yall get vanilla cake. Plain and simple.
Creative problem solving, get a small 2tier cake. One tier chocolate, one vanilla. You separate them before cutting anyway. What is the downside, extra cake? Is that a downside? The cake is such an easy fix if anyone was thinking about the FAMILY. I get putting your kid first, it is instinct as a parent. But blended families mean you have to focus on ALL the kids and treat them equally. The husband's only problem is not finding a better cake solution. The wife is super messed up, literally changing the order behind her SO's back to something *her* daughter would very much enjoy but her step daughter would not. "Here are some chocolate bits from your birthday cake. We're having slices of cake. Too bad you don't like vanilla." What a POS. OP never mentioned how well the girls get along. I imagine not extremely well since they are opposites but are they hostile to each other? How they treat one another can exponentially worsen the cake situation.
My Dad and I had the best relationship while I was growing up. When I was 15, my Dad remarried. My Dad's wife is like this. Now, my Dad has to sneak in phone conversations with me during his work day, because his wife doesn't like him talking to me, because I don't like her. I'm 33. This has been going on since I moved out at 16. That's 17 years. I don't know about my Dad, but I wish we could have a better relationship than what quick 5-10 minute phone calls here and there allow. He hasn't seen his grandchildren in 5 years.
I'm so sorry this all happened to you. The wife sounds like a miserable human being. It was bad enough for you, but now your kids are deprived a grandparent as well. I hope your heart can mend and you can eventually have a better relationship with your dad.
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100% back this Dad for standing up for his daughter. If the tables were turned, she would have reacted the same (if not worse). When you marry a man who already has a child, LOVE her as your own........ Don't put your petty jealousy of their mothers, on their innocent heads......#GROWUP
And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high 🙄 seriously so many people that get divorced in the first place end up getting divorced again. They're self centered in the fact that one or both of them only care about their own kid and never the step kid which leads to arguments and eventually getting divorced again.
There's a lot more going on here than the flavour of a birthday cake! Might be time to see a marriage counsellor.
Last time I checked, it was whatever the person whose birthday it was, and what kind of cake they wanted, and they got their wish, that's if they wanted a cake. You did better than I would've done, because your wife would've been wearing it if it was me, and then I'd call the bakery, and go get my daughter her cake. If she felt so strongly about her daughter, and that was going to be her hill to die on, then why didn't she ask you to pick up some vanilla cupcakes, or a small vanilla cake instead of acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum? She's show great disdain for your daughter, and I applaud you for being able to keep your head while she kept saying such derogatory things about your daughter, because I know that I wouldn't of. Also, not participating at your daughter's birthday, because she was throwing a fit, was totally uncalled for. How did you stop yourself from telling her that since she doesn't want to act like part of the family, then she can pack her things and leave?
If my wife pulled that her and her daughter's a*s would leave skid marks on the street as I kicked him out the door , no excuse
The OP's wife views her daughter as an extension of herself. She is trying to control her husband and his daughter by manipulating her appliance, her own daughter. This isn't about cake. It is about a domineering narcissist who will spoil the younger girl's happiness whenever she can, because that means the older girl wins in her sick reckoning of heuristic calculus.
Get divorce! Leave that b*tch for u and ur daughter's sake. She'll be a nightmare fo ur daughter if u don't leave her a.s.a.p
The wife is a total c**t..... bro take you and your daughter far away from that b***h things are bound to get worse she's gonna ruin you and your daughters relationship 😒.... grow a pair dude tell her off and split now
I have a niece who loves chocolate cake her birthday is a week after mines. We are close so I always gets her cakes. On her birthday dinner I orders a small chocolate on chocolate cake. Not everyone likes chocolate so I get yellow cupcakes. For her parties I orders a full sheet cake half chocolate half yellow. It works out great.
Seriously this man needed to go on social media for validation that he was right and his soon to be ex was incredibly selfish and wrong? THAT is what is wrong with people.
WOW. What a b*tch. The birthday person ALWAYS gets the cake of their choice! I'm not a big chocolate cake fan, so on my birthday we always get a white cake with either lemon or raspberry filling, which one of my sisters hate. Tough sh*t for you, don't eat it.
I thought everyone knew cake day rules. Everyone gets one cake day per year. The person who's cake day it is gets to choose the flavor of cake ( or substitute cake for any desired dessert). The person who's cake day it is gets to choose the first piece (even if its cut out of the middle like a savage) and everyone who's cake day it isn't shuts the hell up about all cake based decisions.
Red flags! Red flags everywhere! I would talk to Olivia if I were OP.... There may be more. I talk about experience here. What you see as slight favoritism can hide a whole world of hell behind your back! My former stepmother was like that. In front of my dad, she was just sliiiiightly borderline but when we were alone? Ho gods... Let's just summarize with : I tried to kill myself when I was 14....
We kinda have this problem in my family except it's not a "problem". My daughter has 4 children two of whom hate chocolate and two of whom love it. The birthday child ALWAYS gets to choose the cake flavor, the other two get a cupcake of their choice. No candles, etc on the cupcakes, they are just put on the plates of those children with their ice cream. Ta da, not drama, no fights and everyone is happy.
Pretty sure growing up, my grandparents taught me that when it's your birthday; it's your day. It's that simple. A person doesn't have to cater to anyone else on their birthday, it's their special day after all. Everyone else can just get over it.
By this logic, would they get a chocolate cake on Britney’s birthday? Because: compromise? If not, you’re admitting that Olivia doesn’t matter, you’re on some Cinderella thing and step mom is being emotionally abusive to a kid in favor of another. About cake.
What a B. I'd strongly be considering divorce and looking into counseling if I wanted to stay in the relationship. No one will treat my kids that way and make them feel unwanted and unwelcome in their own home
I guess the honeymoon is over. True behaviors are surfacing. It's unfortunate that a grown woman is having tantrums and feeling so insecure.i hope your daughter enjoyed her birthday.
NTA. And if she still insist that she is right, the OP can order a chocolate cake for britney birthday so that both parents won't show favoritism and the children won't be entitled. There. Problem solved.
Now days one of my favorite cake's is a German chocolate cake, but I didn't like them as a little kid and my older brother who was 12 years older than me loved it, so my mom told me it was his birthday and I had to deal with it, just don't eat the frosting.. grocery stores sell cake by the slice 🍰 so you can get a slice of white cake , which is exactly what it is, it's not vanilla, it's made with sweetened white cake flour.
No there are vanilla cakes made with large amounts of vanilla - they arent generally white, more of a medium beige (easy to see the difference between that and a white cake like you are taking about, a lemon cake, and a vanilla cake). There is also a HUGE difference in flavor between a white cake and a vanilla cake. If OP says that Britney prefers vanilla then that is most likely the truth - you just look petty trying to "correct" him.
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I have three kids with different personalities and different tastes. They get to choose what they want on their birthday. It’s not favoritism. It’s your birthday, you get to pick. But I also will have cupcakes in chocolate or vanilla too so others can pick those. And I don’t do a huge birthday cake. Just a small one specially made for the birthday kid.
Me and my niece Jaz is very close her birthday is a week after mines sorry to say she's my favorite. We celebrates all month long together. She likes chocolate I love vanilla, or white Almond. I always order her her favorite cake it's chocolateholic cake. Chocolate cream inside the cake. I order it for my birthday for her and my cake. I have other nieces and nephews who doesn't like chocolate neither so I always try to compromise since I am the one who buys her cake every year. It's something I love to do her mom my SIL hates cake. But I always makes sure she she gets what she wants plus with a cupcake just for her. We have a big family with a lot of different taste buds. My mom is the youngest out of 19 kids. So we always order the birthday person's favorite flavor and cake as the main cake. And we might do another plain looking cake or cup cakes for anyone else that doesn't eat the flavor the birthday girl or boy likes. My daughter dont like bakery cakes she likes home made cakes. So
I makes her 2-3 cakes and order 1 cake from the bakery for everyone else. If anyone wants the homemade cakes they have to asked my daughter for a piece. It's her day
Load More Replies... My little sister loves chocolate I love vanilla. My mom would order us our favorite flavor for our birthday. I wouldn't eat the chocolate cake because I didn't like no kind of chocolate even chocolate candy. My brother loved that I gave him all my chocolate candy during the holiday reason why he has super bad teeth at the age of 42. Than during my sister's 11 birthday my mom found out that she can order a whole sheet cake and make it half and half. I told my mom don't worry about it its my sister's day not mines. I know yall love to eat cake for days. I am fine my sister said well can we at least get you a cupcake. Well sure no problem. As we got older we started to like other flavors. White Almond and all. Than I realized why I didn't like chocolate cake it was basically because the baked chocolate cakes always tasted dry. One day my mom wanted a chocolate cake made so I made it the way I wanted to and it was so moiste that I even ate it. My mom stopped buying chocolate cake from the
Bakery. I started making chocolate with strawberries blueberries o my goodness people loved them. Nobody ordered chocolate cake in my family from the bakery after that I was in charge of making them. My sister loves it and that fact I gave her favorite flavor a chance made her even happier. But we never try to make anyone's birthday about ourselves and what we don't or do want.
Load More Replies... The fact that she made the biggest part of the cake her daughter's favorite flavor says a whole lot. Was she going to order her daughter's birthday cake bigger part chocolate and small part vanilla? Nope so why is it that her daughter gets what she wants on his daughter's birthday. A birthday is celebrating the day one came into the world and showing them how glad you are they are here. It's letting them know they are loved and cared about. We do not make it about someone else. Her daughter is basically being told she is the only person that matters.
You aren't the a*****e Also, my parents never let me choose my birthday cake flavor and the one they always choose is bad tasting I hope no one else has to go through this.
NTA dude! Wife is crazy and spoiled. The only reason I could see avoiding someone's favorite flavor on their birthday cake would be if there's a guest coming with a life threatening allergy. Even then, you could get that person a safe cupcake on the side or something if necessary. I would never ask my kids to compromise on their birthday cake- it's one of the few days you get to feel super special!
You need a fast sloppy divorce to save your little girl dude.. you know that lady is screwing with her daily.....maybe that's why she's shy
Sooo, she's worried you're disrespecting her daughter...while she disrespects yours. Divorce her selfish a*s!
The OP is nta what he did was fair for the Birthday Girl. Now, his wife is another question. She's showing favoritism towards her own daughter. She's making it seem like her husband is unreasonable and it's not the case. She's defensive because he didn't agree with her and she knows she's in the wrong.
Your poor 13 year old is introverted because of her 'evil stepmother', haven't you seen all the movies, read all the books? She's pchycologically torturing the poor girl when you're not looking. She's also practicing black magic on you to blind you to it. She's also poisoning you slowly. Take your daughter and run, very very far.
Um yeah, just save yourself years of grief and divorce the wife already. No. YNTA. She was. The birthday kid absolutely gets to pick their favorite flavor of birthday cake. A compromise would have been a sheet cake where half was chocolate/chocolate and the other half was yellow cake with vanilla frosting. I did that for my kid's birthday parties because she had a bestie who wasn't fond of chocolate. So the kids at her party had a choice and she got chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.
When are these entitled Karen moms gonna learn? It’s not EVERYBODY else’s responsibility to change what they’re doing/eating/charging for a service just for you. If you feel like others should be going out of their way constantly to accommodate your preferences, that’s a you problem.
Compromise would have been, it's Olivia's birthday the main birthday cake is chocolate and either a smaller side cake or cupcakes in vanilla for any who don't care for chocolate. Then to do the opposite for the other girls birthday. My brother does a family reunion type thing at his house every yr. My birthday just happens to fall within a day or two or sometimes the same day. My mom always buys me a cake. She gets a sheet cake and does it half vanilla and half chocolate. This works for us as only me and my brother prefer the vanilla over the chocolate but I'm an adult I learned compromise a long time ago.
Does anyone realize that you can order half and half cake? Or two cakes. Or even muffins? Order vanilla muffins on the side. It didn't have to be this hard.
Does anyone realize that you CAN order a half and half cake so there's both flavors and then you just eat the one that's your favorite? Or get two cakes. Or muffins which is basically cake and get the arranged like a design with both flavors of muffins. This didn't have to be that hard. Just leave the original cake and order vanilla muffins on the side.
Whose birthday was this? Was it not Olivia’s? So why would this woman want to please both girls when it’s obviously not Britney’s birthday. Is she also going to please both girls on Britney’s birthday? She has a soul of confusion. She should learn to treat Olivia as her own daughter. When she agreed to get married to this man, she signed up to be hooked to him and his! You can’t stay in a marriage if you can’t accept your spouse’s children! Immaturity is at play! Get some counselling.
Sorry for your loss in advance losing a wife thru divorce is hell, but good news is you're going to be newly single soon and you and your daughter can have your cake and eat it too
I hate chocolate cake, you think I gave a c**p what kind of cake they served my brothers on THEIR birthdays? Hell, I even made one of my little brothers a chocolate Minecraft cake once.
Why not have a cake that is half chocolate and half vanilla on both girls birthdays. Everyone wins then and there's no favoritism. It's not like either girl is going to eat the whole cake themselves
But why not attend the birthday party? What did Olivia do? That poor 13 year old girl is probably so confused? And why didn't the older sibling to say ma I really don't care what kind of cake she has for her birthday are you really raising a child to be just as self-centered and inconsiderate? This whole story is so sad but it's incredible to see that the dad stood up for his daughter this is a good human I don't know how he could look past something like this and stay because she doesn't have inaccurate understanding of what defines a family 👎 I really hope he leaves man for his daughter's sake
Good on you for sticking up for your daughter. Your kid she come first especially on their birthday. Don't back down get rid of the wife if she feels that way about your daughter.
When you guys got married it became your children not his and hers. Showing favoritism is a good way of having the girls resent each other. So maybe try to see the bigger picture and include your other daughters feelings. Especially when the relationship is fairly new. How it affects everyone in the long run is what really counts. Your narrow perspective has created this chaos. Many bakeries make half and half flavors you choose.
She could've gotten half vanilla half chocolate ffs. Smh he ain't the ahole she is
NTA, but both of you are both wrong & wright! I can sort of understand both sides I have a variety of food allergies & issue due to medical issues, my highest allergy is to coffee (I can have a reaction to even small trace amounts) My reaction is usually more gastric than anaphylactic so while extremely painful it is more personal & not so obvious. So my sister and her boys thought it was funny to always order a tiramisu cake for their birthday so I would be left out! On my birthday my favorite chocolate pick would be refused because it was too sweet for her husband! Never mind the multitude of issues we had to get through to resolve this issue that went on for years! My sister finally agreed to my compromise of getting me a slice of cake of my choosing (cupcake or cookie would also do) that fit within my dietary needs. It took years for me to get my sister to understand that what they found so funny was actually about poisoning me & against the law so she would stop inciting the boys!
Yeah but your case sounds like it's more dietary/medical, whereas in this case it's the stepmother's preference for what her daughter might like over not even remotely considering her stepdaughter on her own birthday--likes and preferences (a bit like wants vs. needs). I am glad to hear that your family has come to understand your medical plight, though.
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I watched this kind of stuff go down between my little sister, my ex step mum, her daughter and my dad. Without doubt, there's jealousy from the stepmom towards his relationship with his daughter. Run!!!!
Honestly this seems like a childish problem that could have been avoided if you had just told her you would get vanilla cupcakes for your stepdaughter. However, from the way your wive handled the situation with changing the cake order and the way she talk to you there might be a bigger problem. You could consider watching the difference in how she treats your kid and hers. You might discover the bigger issue.
NTA how would your wife have reacted if it was her daughters birthday and you insisted on a chocolate cake since that's since your daughter hates vanilla. She would have lost her s**t and still called you selfish. Get out while you still can, she is a toxic liar.
We don't do Birthday cakes anymore. A variety pack of cupcakes is great and more sanitary anyway. We have passed on eating any cake other than cupcakes for as long as we can remember.
YNTA FOR ORDERING YOUR DAUGHTER HER FAVORITE FLAVOR CAKE FOR HER BIRTHDAY. YOUR WIFE SEEMS A BIT CONTROLLING AND ENTITLED AND SNEAKY BY CALLING THE BAKERY A FEW DAYS AGO AND CHANGING THE CHOCOLATE CAKE THAT YOU ORDERED FOR YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY TO A VANILLA CAKE FOR HER DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY. SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST ORDERED A VANILLA CAKE FOR HER DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY INSTEAD. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE. I THINK THAT THEIR BIRTHDAYS SHOULD BE CELEBRATED ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS SEPARATELY.
But it wasn't "her daughter's" birthday. It didn't seem from the OP that they were trying have a combined celebration.
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It seems like you 2 have issues. It is an easy solution. A birthday isn't only about 1 special person, it is about everyone celebrating someone they love together. As an adult, at my birthday parties, I make sure that everyone is happy, including me. When your wife told you that her daughter hates chocolate cake, you should have said "no problem, I got this" and then bought a 2nd cake that would make everyone happy. Sucks to not be able to participate in a celebration because there is nothing for you to eat. Imo.
No a birthday IS ONLY about one person and only the birthday person has to like the food. If you cant suck it up and eat something that is not your favorite (discounting actual allergies or medical intolerances) for someone you care about then you are a selfish jerk. Even as a small child I knew to just eat what was served at someone else's birthday without complaint regardless of whether I peraonally liked it or not. OP's wife is teaching her daughter to be a selfish jerk by trying to make other's cater to her regardless of the situation.
Load More Replies... "Currently, I'm married to my wife..." in the first paragraph pretty much tells us the state of their marriage, the rest only confirms.
What is wrong with that woman? Olivia should get her flavour cake on her birthday, and Britney should get her favourite flavour on her birthday. I bet the wife would freak out if the husband bulled the same stunt on Britney's birthday
She didn't want the attention off her and her daughter
Load More Replies... It's my sons 17th birthday today - he only likes chocolate cake, won't touch any other kind, so he always gets a chocolate cake on his birthday - always - when it's my other kids birthdays they can get whatever cake they choose and I'll either get/make a small cake or cupcakes that he also likes so he's not left out - after all each of them will eat the chocolate ones as ŵell as the one they've picked. It's not a big deal, and the kids don't give a c**p either way as they know their birthday is about them - it's their one day a year to be entirely about them. This isn't about compromise, it's about her priorities being her own daughter and not his - definitely would've spat the dummy if roles were reversed
I'm one of those weird people that doesn't like chocolate cake. I don't complain if I'm at a party and there's only chocolate cake. It's not my birthday, it's not about it. My spouse LOVES chocolate cake, so I bake chocolate cakes for him on his birthday. I've put a lot of effort into finding really good cake and frosting recipes so that I can make the best chocolate cake possible for his birthday. And I'll share the day with him by having a very small piece of it, even though I don't like chocolate cake. If I put enough ice cream with it then I barely notice the cake. But the point is that it's HIS birthday, and he should have a cake that he really enjoys.
I think her husband should order a chocolate cake for Brittany. "Hey, we should make Olivia happier too, right? Just like you ordered a vanilla cake for Olivia." But I suppose that would be too petty of me....
Britney is going to have a hard time when she is forced to realize the world does not revolve around her
I mean it doesn't even look like Britney was all too bothered from the story, it's her mom that's the issue.
Load More Replies... This woman: the birthday is not an excuse for favoritism Also this woman: buys the cake specifically to accommodate to the wishes of ONE guest(who is also happens to be her daughter) If one guest can't eat the cake for whatever reason, the right way to compromise would be to buy a separate cupcake/slice of cake for her in addition to the main cake for the birthday girl and other guests. If a few guests have a problem with a choco cake, you can consider buying two cakes, for example.
OMG this just made my blood boil. "use this opportunity to make everyone else happy" EVIL STEPMOM MEANT 'tell her that everyone has the right cr@p on her.'
It wouldn't been so bad if she got the small piece vanilla but she made the big piece of the cake vanilla. It's not her daughter's birthday. I hate ppl who thinks the world revolves around them and their kids. I guess she's one of those women who think a man should treat the new wife kids better than their kids from previous relationships. I have a sister-in-law that thinks that. My nephew hates going to see his dad. My brothers wife treats him like c**p. We had to confront him with everything his son told us she does when his dad's at work. I lost it on her.
Did the confrontation work? If it made someone see the light and exposed her for what she really was, it was worth it.
Load More Replies... Birthdays are the one day of the year that is yours. Favorite games, restaurant, food, and cake. If their birthday had been the same day then each would get their favorite cake. OP NTA, your daughter deserves her chocolate cake on her birthday. Wife's daughter deserves vanilla on her birthday. Have a variety of cupcakes available for those that prefer a different flavor. You say your daughter is an introvert, has that increased since you've been with the selfish step mother and her daughter? You might offer counseling to your daughter for evaluation of home situation when you aren't there. If there is emotional abuse when you aren't there, Time to leave her behind, take your daughter and move on.
Exactly. Throughout this article I became more and more concerned for his daughter. If the stepmother is this dismissive of her stepdaughter's feelings, and is that blatant of projecting her shortcomings onto her husband, I really fear for the emotional health of his daughter. If anything happens to his daughter, I fear that this woman would have no qualms about abandoning her without anything. (If nothing else, I hope this dad at least set up support, or some type of trust fund, in case something happens to him).
Load More Replies... Doing something behind your back is just evil controlling act of dominance. "I'm going to get my way, period". Start planning a separation and divorce now. What happens when it comes time to pay for college?
I love how dad stood up for his daughter. The 16 year old is old enough to suck it up and not expect a birthday to be about her. My birthday just past and my daughter and her fiance got me my favorite flavor of cake. It was just for me I didn't have to share but I did. My mom brought yellow and chocolate cupcakes in the shape of my age for everyone else to have a flavor they like. My son will be 2 in December and I am ordering a marble cake making a vanilla cake a chocolate cake and a strawberry cake. Just so we can see if he likes a flavor better than another. For future and I can cover all kids who's going to be there. Did the same with my daughter. She likes white Almond. But prefers home bake cakes more. I can't stand a selfish woman.
This is not about a cake. It never was. It is about control and keeping her daughter in the spot light and by extension herself. I don't ever advocate for divorce,but in this case I am. She's nasty to your daughter when you're not around. Her daughter too. Get out now. For your sanity and your daughters future.
There are several shared birthdays in my family. If the two birthday people disagree on cake flavor, there are two cakes. No question. You get the flavor of cake you want for your birthday. Non-birthday people can either have a piece of cake or not. (Unless you want an ice cream cake in November, but the Dairy Queen isn't open in winter).
Its pretty clear that the wife has been pulling s**t like this on his daughter for quite some time and has been getting away with it. That's why she changed the cake and thought she could get away with it. This guy needs to have a chat with his daughter (poor kid is only 13 so really has no tools or life skills to deal with this woman) to find out what else is going on. Sorry but he needs to put his child first.
NTA. Wife knows birthday girl hates vanilla, but bought vanilla cake because her daughter likes vanilla??? Why should the cake favour the not birthday girl over the birthday girl?? This is so wrong, it's blatant favoritism towards wife's daughter over husband's daughter. Wife didn't even get neutral flavor as she suggested. I agree with those commenters who think this wife is doing more stuff like this behind husband's back. He needs to take his daughter out alone for a special treat and ask her if there have been any issues with wife and daughter. Check that they don't take his daughter's things for stepdaughter, give stepdaughter more chores, etc. the good news is stepdaughter is 16, she will be an adult in 2 years and can go off to college or move out and start working.
First off dad is NTA, his WIFE IS!! SECONDLY, it's not about the cake! It's about making certain that Olivia knows she's second best with her own dad, and wifey runs EVERYONE in the household!! AND that dad has NO SAY in how his daughter is allowed to FEEL. BEAUCOUP KUDOS for taking the cake back. It was OLIVIA'S special day, and NOT BRITNEY'S. But that, after the desired cake was bought, and the celebration began, WHAT MENTALLY SOUND PURPOSE IS BEING SERVED TO NOT JOIN IN THE CELEBRATION AND TO STILL BE RUINING DAD AND OLIVIA'S HAPPINESS ABOUT IT?? WIFEY needs intense therapy and it wouldn't hurt QUEEN BRAT BRITNEY to go as well. In fact to put each on the right family-member track, the WHOLE family should go once ATLEAST to share their perceptions and feelings about what was done to Olivia and her dad by two NARCISSISTS who "love" dad and Olivia. This marriage is extremely Unhealthy. Rather than push Olivia to suicide, maybe best to divorce.
Are those divorce bells I hear? I'm sensing some serious Cinderella and the Evil Stepmother vibes here....she's the one teaching her daughter to be a brat and teaching her that she's better than everyone else. Sorry, not sorry - life comes with disappointment, and a 16-year-old definitely needs to learn that before she's out on her own.
Your last sentence says it all. Things don't always go the way you want. She'll need to learn to roll with it.
Load More Replies... I understand that you want to teach children how to compromise, but you also have to teach them that they deserve something they want to. Birthdays have been used for this for alot of years. Olivia's birthday is not about moms daughter she needs to get over it. Husband is not tah. Step mom is. For gosh sake quit giving more ammo to people to say a stepmom can never love a stepchild like there own.
I side with the birthday girl on this one. In my family the birthday person chooses what flavor of cake they want, If they even want cake at all. (Sometimes we choose cheesecake or pie instead.) It's all up to whomever's birthday it is.
We did the same thing. When we were kids, we had cake. As we got older, my mother would make my brother his favorite b-day apple pie. She made cheesecake for mine.
Load More Replies... When I was younger, I wanted fresh fruit for my birthday instead of cake. My mother said that this was not fair to my guests and bought a cake and then insisted that I have some. I was not a happy birthday girl. You have one day a year to be selfish. Let the girl have her chocolate.
Dude. I literally went through this (the kids side). I HATE coconut but my sister loves it, so she had a coconut chocolate cake for her birthday. I think I had some ice cream or something. Not a big deal. It's her birthday and its not a big deal anyways
NTA. The man is completely correct in his argument. The "wife" seems pretty entitled herself. Everyone should have something special to them on their birthday. Now, it is apparent why Olivia is an introvert, with having to deal with an entitled step mom, step sister, and parents arguing over simple things. Poor baby! She can't even have a birthday without all the drama!
How narcissistic can you be?? Olivia deserves to have what cake SHE would like on her birthday. He needs a divorce ASAP. Some people man I swear
For godssake, it's HER birthday. Britney gets a vanilla cake for hers - how is that even a debate???? These AITA posts are always doing my head in. What is WRONG with people?
To see what other peoples' opinions are. If you don't like the AITA posts, then why even read them?
Load More Replies... Yeah, doesn't she know it's alllll about strawberry? 😆
Load More Replies... I loved strawberry cake (not filling) and chocolate and vanilla. My sister only like German chocolate w orange. We are 13 months apart so I'm in March and she is in April for birthdays. Sometimes my mom would forget and mix her cake up with mine. I wouldn't eat it. I'd blow the candles out and let the other kids eat it. She asked why and said it was (sisters) her fav not mine. My sister is still very hard headed an even though my mom said from now on she would only make vanilla she still made her that choco orange thing the next month. This was til we were about 10. I still can't deal with that Combo. And hate jelly fillings. Honestly I prefer plain no icing on a cake.
OP is definitely NTAH, but why are some folks on here assuming that Britney had anything to do with the cake being changed.
SOUNDS LIKE STEP MOM IS SELF CENTERED ITS IS NOT HER DAUGHTERS BDAY ITS NONE OF HER FN BUSINESD
There is so much wrong with what this woman did that I don't even know where to begin. Suffice it to say Dad was totally in the right. If the op wants to stay married to this woman a solution to a future situation like this would be to buy a second cake. What I'm worried about is how the 13 year old is being treated by this woman in everyday life because she is clearly not cared about by the step "mom". I hope dad is as vigilant the other 364 days of the year!
My brother and his wife have birthdays 5 days apart. He likes yellow cake/chocolate frosting and she likes chocolate cake/chocolate frosting. How do we remedy this? I make a sheet cake and pour both flavors at the same time. They each get their favorite and in the middle is Marble cake. Sometimes they have Marble cake because they both like it. They like it so much that was their wedding cake flavor and it went over with everyone, not a crumb left. It is time to grow up people, life is not going to give a person everything their own way. There are so many “adults” out there who never learned to share. They are the ones who if they couldn’t be in charge of the game, they picked up their toys and went home. Sounds like something lacking in their upbringing, we had to learn to get along, our parents insisted we did.
Blended families can be difficult if one or both parents play favorites. Olivia should have the cake flavor she loves. That's what birthdays are all about. On Britany's birthday, she should get the cake that she loves. Wife's sneaky, underhanded move is disturbing. Wife is just teaching Britany that she can always get what she wants, regardless of other people's feelings. Going to grow to be an entitled brat, if she isn't already. I bet the cake issue is just the tip of the iceberg in this family. It goes far deeper. I'll bet the wife has been pulling this sh*t with many other issues as well, that the husband doesn't even know about. Husband needs to give this marriage some serious thought.
I hope you are currently seeking a divorce. This b***h doesn't give a damn about your daughter and thinks the world should revolve around the little twat that came out of her. RRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! She has made it obvious that your daughter does not matter. And and you can't stay with a woman who does not care at all about your daughter.
"Let's pick a neutral flavor" doesn't mean ONLY get what YOUR child prefers. Especially since it's not even her birthday to begin with. I'm in agreement that birthday girl shouldn't have to even compromise--it's HER day. But for stepmom to go out of her way and straight up swap the flavor of someone else's cake for the sake of appeasing her own kid's sweet tooth is petty. If she ACTUALLY wanted to pick a neutral flavor, she would've picked literally anything else that was neither of the girls' favorites. Hell, at least then the girls could compromise in hating the cake together 😆
I just can't with people now adays. How are you married and haven't worked this kind of stuff out yet? Hubs and I are raising our kids together. We don't use "his kid" "her kid" "Step" verbiage, they are ALL OUR KIDS. WE raise them. TOGETHER. Every kid gets what THEY want on THEIR birthday. Hell my hubs LOVES cheese cake. (like maybe even an unhealthy obsession) I on the other hand do not care for it. I don't NOT like it, I just don't care for it. Guess what he gets EVERY birthday. Cheescake and I graciously eat it because HE loves it. On of our sons likes chocolate, one daughter likes vanilla etc, no one bitches and complains. It's not that hard.
First of all, I don't understand people who hate vanilla or chocolate. Other than that I would tell dad to leave that manipulative toxic woman that's projecting her nasty onto him.
... Continued...& IN MY OPINION & EXPERIENCE... My guess is that there have been plenty of indicators--interactions, behavioral indicators (withdrawal, depression, anxiety, crying, flinching, grades dropping) that you ignored/minimized for this"woman". Ask Olivia's ACTUAL Mother, ask her friend's parents ask Olivia--bug don't assume she will trust you enough to confide in you after you married a "woman" who would do this to her (the Birthday cake switch is, itself, a nasty, $#!tty, emotionally abusive move, however, I suspect it indicates a FAR more SERIOUS & on-going issue). I would be surprised if Olivia TRUSTS *YOU*.I also suspect that you have ignored indicators of abuse/neglect because your "wife" was, in REALITY, more important to you. Please think about the case of poor, 11 yo Gannon Stauch. Q
In my opinion & experience: As a Mother, former (disfavored) child, & former CPS worker with WAY too much experience with child abuse, I am here to say that this was a really, really nasty thing for yr "wife" to do. And, if this is what that step-monster is doing IN FRONT of you, I have no doubt that she is outright (more) abusive to Olivia when you are not watching. I would be very willing to bet that Britanny follows suit. I would guess that Olivia is too terrified to tell you, not trusting you t ok believe her, or help. I imagine your "wife" has, as perpetrators tend to do, convinced her that there is no help for her, no place to turn. My strong suggestions--get Olivia in TRULY trauma-informed, trauma-centered therapy, DO NOT LEAVE HER ALONE WITH, NOR IN THE "CARE OF" YOUR "WIFE" *EVER AGAIN*, NOR BRITTANY, & quietly prepare for divorce. Document this, & the other signs of/outright abuse that you have not tuned into/ignored so far... continued in next comment...
I have three siblings, we have different cake preferences. I dislike whip cream frosting, they love it. I would never be upset they got the cake they wanted on their birthday lmfao its their birthday, you know, the day to celebrate them?
I think we all should be questioning why the wife didn't just buy a separate cake then??or cupcakes??? It really is not that serious to ruin the cake Olivia would have liked. Nobody gives an eff what Britney "won't like" on OLIVIA's birthday, ESPECIALLY since if the roles were reversed, you better believed that wife WOULD NOT be sticking with chocolate just because Olivia doesn't like vanilla! That wife is very selfish and arrogant!!!
First, I'd be interested to know if he is Olivia's custodial parent. That might be a source of jealousy for stepmom. Then, I wonder what Britney's thoughts are on the whole thing. She may be embarrassed by her mother's behavior. He did the right thing. When it's Britney's birthday, she can choose the kind of cake she wants.
This is not about a birthday cake. The cake is a symptom of a much bigger problem. Big problems usually pop up in small ways
Teach the girls both to compromise. My birthday, we get my flavor. When Brittany has her birthday, yall get vanilla cake. Plain and simple.
Creative problem solving, get a small 2tier cake. One tier chocolate, one vanilla. You separate them before cutting anyway. What is the downside, extra cake? Is that a downside? The cake is such an easy fix if anyone was thinking about the FAMILY. I get putting your kid first, it is instinct as a parent. But blended families mean you have to focus on ALL the kids and treat them equally. The husband's only problem is not finding a better cake solution. The wife is super messed up, literally changing the order behind her SO's back to something *her* daughter would very much enjoy but her step daughter would not. "Here are some chocolate bits from your birthday cake. We're having slices of cake. Too bad you don't like vanilla." What a POS. OP never mentioned how well the girls get along. I imagine not extremely well since they are opposites but are they hostile to each other? How they treat one another can exponentially worsen the cake situation.
My Dad and I had the best relationship while I was growing up. When I was 15, my Dad remarried. My Dad's wife is like this. Now, my Dad has to sneak in phone conversations with me during his work day, because his wife doesn't like him talking to me, because I don't like her. I'm 33. This has been going on since I moved out at 16. That's 17 years. I don't know about my Dad, but I wish we could have a better relationship than what quick 5-10 minute phone calls here and there allow. He hasn't seen his grandchildren in 5 years.
I'm so sorry this all happened to you. The wife sounds like a miserable human being. It was bad enough for you, but now your kids are deprived a grandparent as well. I hope your heart can mend and you can eventually have a better relationship with your dad.
Load More Replies... 100% back this Dad for standing up for his daughter. If the tables were turned, she would have reacted the same (if not worse). When you marry a man who already has a child, LOVE her as your own........ Don't put your petty jealousy of their mothers, on their innocent heads......#GROWUP
And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high 🙄 seriously so many people that get divorced in the first place end up getting divorced again. They're self centered in the fact that one or both of them only care about their own kid and never the step kid which leads to arguments and eventually getting divorced again.
There's a lot more going on here than the flavour of a birthday cake! Might be time to see a marriage counsellor.
Last time I checked, it was whatever the person whose birthday it was, and what kind of cake they wanted, and they got their wish, that's if they wanted a cake. You did better than I would've done, because your wife would've been wearing it if it was me, and then I'd call the bakery, and go get my daughter her cake. If she felt so strongly about her daughter, and that was going to be her hill to die on, then why didn't she ask you to pick up some vanilla cupcakes, or a small vanilla cake instead of acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum? She's show great disdain for your daughter, and I applaud you for being able to keep your head while she kept saying such derogatory things about your daughter, because I know that I wouldn't of. Also, not participating at your daughter's birthday, because she was throwing a fit, was totally uncalled for. How did you stop yourself from telling her that since she doesn't want to act like part of the family, then she can pack her things and leave?
If my wife pulled that her and her daughter's a*s would leave skid marks on the street as I kicked him out the door , no excuse
The OP's wife views her daughter as an extension of herself. She is trying to control her husband and his daughter by manipulating her appliance, her own daughter. This isn't about cake. It is about a domineering narcissist who will spoil the younger girl's happiness whenever she can, because that means the older girl wins in her sick reckoning of heuristic calculus.
Get divorce! Leave that b*tch for u and ur daughter's sake. She'll be a nightmare fo ur daughter if u don't leave her a.s.a.p
The wife is a total c**t..... bro take you and your daughter far away from that b***h things are bound to get worse she's gonna ruin you and your daughters relationship 😒.... grow a pair dude tell her off and split now
I have a niece who loves chocolate cake her birthday is a week after mines. We are close so I always gets her cakes. On her birthday dinner I orders a small chocolate on chocolate cake. Not everyone likes chocolate so I get yellow cupcakes. For her parties I orders a full sheet cake half chocolate half yellow. It works out great.
Seriously this man needed to go on social media for validation that he was right and his soon to be ex was incredibly selfish and wrong? THAT is what is wrong with people.
WOW. What a b*tch. The birthday person ALWAYS gets the cake of their choice! I'm not a big chocolate cake fan, so on my birthday we always get a white cake with either lemon or raspberry filling, which one of my sisters hate. Tough sh*t for you, don't eat it.
I thought everyone knew cake day rules. Everyone gets one cake day per year. The person who's cake day it is gets to choose the flavor of cake ( or substitute cake for any desired dessert). The person who's cake day it is gets to choose the first piece (even if its cut out of the middle like a savage) and everyone who's cake day it isn't shuts the hell up about all cake based decisions.
Red flags! Red flags everywhere! I would talk to Olivia if I were OP.... There may be more. I talk about experience here. What you see as slight favoritism can hide a whole world of hell behind your back! My former stepmother was like that. In front of my dad, she was just sliiiiightly borderline but when we were alone? Ho gods... Let's just summarize with : I tried to kill myself when I was 14....
We kinda have this problem in my family except it's not a "problem". My daughter has 4 children two of whom hate chocolate and two of whom love it. The birthday child ALWAYS gets to choose the cake flavor, the other two get a cupcake of their choice. No candles, etc on the cupcakes, they are just put on the plates of those children with their ice cream. Ta da, not drama, no fights and everyone is happy.
Pretty sure growing up, my grandparents taught me that when it's your birthday; it's your day. It's that simple. A person doesn't have to cater to anyone else on their birthday, it's their special day after all. Everyone else can just get over it.
By this logic, would they get a chocolate cake on Britney’s birthday? Because: compromise? If not, you’re admitting that Olivia doesn’t matter, you’re on some Cinderella thing and step mom is being emotionally abusive to a kid in favor of another. About cake.
What a B. I'd strongly be considering divorce and looking into counseling if I wanted to stay in the relationship. No one will treat my kids that way and make them feel unwanted and unwelcome in their own home
I guess the honeymoon is over. True behaviors are surfacing. It's unfortunate that a grown woman is having tantrums and feeling so insecure.i hope your daughter enjoyed her birthday.
NTA. And if she still insist that she is right, the OP can order a chocolate cake for britney birthday so that both parents won't show favoritism and the children won't be entitled. There. Problem solved.
Now days one of my favorite cake's is a German chocolate cake, but I didn't like them as a little kid and my older brother who was 12 years older than me loved it, so my mom told me it was his birthday and I had to deal with it, just don't eat the frosting.. grocery stores sell cake by the slice 🍰 so you can get a slice of white cake , which is exactly what it is, it's not vanilla, it's made with sweetened white cake flour.
No there are vanilla cakes made with large amounts of vanilla - they arent generally white, more of a medium beige (easy to see the difference between that and a white cake like you are taking about, a lemon cake, and a vanilla cake). There is also a HUGE difference in flavor between a white cake and a vanilla cake. If OP says that Britney prefers vanilla then that is most likely the truth - you just look petty trying to "correct" him.
Load More Replies... I have three kids with different personalities and different tastes. They get to choose what they want on their birthday. It’s not favoritism. It’s your birthday, you get to pick. But I also will have cupcakes in chocolate or vanilla too so others can pick those. And I don’t do a huge birthday cake. Just a small one specially made for the birthday kid.
Me and my niece Jaz is very close her birthday is a week after mines sorry to say she's my favorite. We celebrates all month long together. She likes chocolate I love vanilla, or white Almond. I always order her her favorite cake it's chocolateholic cake. Chocolate cream inside the cake. I order it for my birthday for her and my cake. I have other nieces and nephews who doesn't like chocolate neither so I always try to compromise since I am the one who buys her cake every year. It's something I love to do her mom my SIL hates cake. But I always makes sure she she gets what she wants plus with a cupcake just for her. We have a big family with a lot of different taste buds. My mom is the youngest out of 19 kids. So we always order the birthday person's favorite flavor and cake as the main cake. And we might do another plain looking cake or cup cakes for anyone else that doesn't eat the flavor the birthday girl or boy likes. My daughter dont like bakery cakes she likes home made cakes. So
I makes her 2-3 cakes and order 1 cake from the bakery for everyone else. If anyone wants the homemade cakes they have to asked my daughter for a piece. It's her day
Load More Replies... My little sister loves chocolate I love vanilla. My mom would order us our favorite flavor for our birthday. I wouldn't eat the chocolate cake because I didn't like no kind of chocolate even chocolate candy. My brother loved that I gave him all my chocolate candy during the holiday reason why he has super bad teeth at the age of 42. Than during my sister's 11 birthday my mom found out that she can order a whole sheet cake and make it half and half. I told my mom don't worry about it its my sister's day not mines. I know yall love to eat cake for days. I am fine my sister said well can we at least get you a cupcake. Well sure no problem. As we got older we started to like other flavors. White Almond and all. Than I realized why I didn't like chocolate cake it was basically because the baked chocolate cakes always tasted dry. One day my mom wanted a chocolate cake made so I made it the way I wanted to and it was so moiste that I even ate it. My mom stopped buying chocolate cake from the
Bakery. I started making chocolate with strawberries blueberries o my goodness people loved them. Nobody ordered chocolate cake in my family from the bakery after that I was in charge of making them. My sister loves it and that fact I gave her favorite flavor a chance made her even happier. But we never try to make anyone's birthday about ourselves and what we don't or do want.
Load More Replies... The fact that she made the biggest part of the cake her daughter's favorite flavor says a whole lot. Was she going to order her daughter's birthday cake bigger part chocolate and small part vanilla? Nope so why is it that her daughter gets what she wants on his daughter's birthday. A birthday is celebrating the day one came into the world and showing them how glad you are they are here. It's letting them know they are loved and cared about. We do not make it about someone else. Her daughter is basically being told she is the only person that matters.
You aren't the a*****e Also, my parents never let me choose my birthday cake flavor and the one they always choose is bad tasting I hope no one else has to go through this.
NTA dude! Wife is crazy and spoiled. The only reason I could see avoiding someone's favorite flavor on their birthday cake would be if there's a guest coming with a life threatening allergy. Even then, you could get that person a safe cupcake on the side or something if necessary. I would never ask my kids to compromise on their birthday cake- it's one of the few days you get to feel super special!
You need a fast sloppy divorce to save your little girl dude.. you know that lady is screwing with her daily.....maybe that's why she's shy
Sooo, she's worried you're disrespecting her daughter...while she disrespects yours. Divorce her selfish a*s!
The OP is nta what he did was fair for the Birthday Girl. Now, his wife is another question. She's showing favoritism towards her own daughter. She's making it seem like her husband is unreasonable and it's not the case. She's defensive because he didn't agree with her and she knows she's in the wrong.
Your poor 13 year old is introverted because of her 'evil stepmother', haven't you seen all the movies, read all the books? She's pchycologically torturing the poor girl when you're not looking. She's also practicing black magic on you to blind you to it. She's also poisoning you slowly. Take your daughter and run, very very far.
Um yeah, just save yourself years of grief and divorce the wife already. No. YNTA. She was. The birthday kid absolutely gets to pick their favorite flavor of birthday cake. A compromise would have been a sheet cake where half was chocolate/chocolate and the other half was yellow cake with vanilla frosting. I did that for my kid's birthday parties because she had a bestie who wasn't fond of chocolate. So the kids at her party had a choice and she got chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.
When are these entitled Karen moms gonna learn? It’s not EVERYBODY else’s responsibility to change what they’re doing/eating/charging for a service just for you. If you feel like others should be going out of their way constantly to accommodate your preferences, that’s a you problem.
Compromise would have been, it's Olivia's birthday the main birthday cake is chocolate and either a smaller side cake or cupcakes in vanilla for any who don't care for chocolate. Then to do the opposite for the other girls birthday. My brother does a family reunion type thing at his house every yr. My birthday just happens to fall within a day or two or sometimes the same day. My mom always buys me a cake. She gets a sheet cake and does it half vanilla and half chocolate. This works for us as only me and my brother prefer the vanilla over the chocolate but I'm an adult I learned compromise a long time ago.
Does anyone realize that you can order half and half cake? Or two cakes. Or even muffins? Order vanilla muffins on the side. It didn't have to be this hard.
Does anyone realize that you CAN order a half and half cake so there's both flavors and then you just eat the one that's your favorite? Or get two cakes. Or muffins which is basically cake and get the arranged like a design with both flavors of muffins. This didn't have to be that hard. Just leave the original cake and order vanilla muffins on the side.
Whose birthday was this? Was it not Olivia’s? So why would this woman want to please both girls when it’s obviously not Britney’s birthday. Is she also going to please both girls on Britney’s birthday? She has a soul of confusion. She should learn to treat Olivia as her own daughter. When she agreed to get married to this man, she signed up to be hooked to him and his! You can’t stay in a marriage if you can’t accept your spouse’s children! Immaturity is at play! Get some counselling.
Sorry for your loss in advance losing a wife thru divorce is hell, but good news is you're going to be newly single soon and you and your daughter can have your cake and eat it too
I hate chocolate cake, you think I gave a c**p what kind of cake they served my brothers on THEIR birthdays? Hell, I even made one of my little brothers a chocolate Minecraft cake once.
Why not have a cake that is half chocolate and half vanilla on both girls birthdays. Everyone wins then and there's no favoritism. It's not like either girl is going to eat the whole cake themselves
But why not attend the birthday party? What did Olivia do? That poor 13 year old girl is probably so confused? And why didn't the older sibling to say ma I really don't care what kind of cake she has for her birthday are you really raising a child to be just as self-centered and inconsiderate? This whole story is so sad but it's incredible to see that the dad stood up for his daughter this is a good human I don't know how he could look past something like this and stay because she doesn't have inaccurate understanding of what defines a family 👎 I really hope he leaves man for his daughter's sake
Good on you for sticking up for your daughter. Your kid she come first especially on their birthday. Don't back down get rid of the wife if she feels that way about your daughter.
When you guys got married it became your children not his and hers. Showing favoritism is a good way of having the girls resent each other. So maybe try to see the bigger picture and include your other daughters feelings. Especially when the relationship is fairly new. How it affects everyone in the long run is what really counts. Your narrow perspective has created this chaos. Many bakeries make half and half flavors you choose.
She could've gotten half vanilla half chocolate ffs. Smh he ain't the ahole she is
NTA, but both of you are both wrong & wright! I can sort of understand both sides I have a variety of food allergies & issue due to medical issues, my highest allergy is to coffee (I can have a reaction to even small trace amounts) My reaction is usually more gastric than anaphylactic so while extremely painful it is more personal & not so obvious. So my sister and her boys thought it was funny to always order a tiramisu cake for their birthday so I would be left out! On my birthday my favorite chocolate pick would be refused because it was too sweet for her husband! Never mind the multitude of issues we had to get through to resolve this issue that went on for years! My sister finally agreed to my compromise of getting me a slice of cake of my choosing (cupcake or cookie would also do) that fit within my dietary needs. It took years for me to get my sister to understand that what they found so funny was actually about poisoning me & against the law so she would stop inciting the boys!
Yeah but your case sounds like it's more dietary/medical, whereas in this case it's the stepmother's preference for what her daughter might like over not even remotely considering her stepdaughter on her own birthday--likes and preferences (a bit like wants vs. needs). I am glad to hear that your family has come to understand your medical plight, though.
Load More Replies... I watched this kind of stuff go down between my little sister, my ex step mum, her daughter and my dad. Without doubt, there's jealousy from the stepmom towards his relationship with his daughter. Run!!!!
Honestly this seems like a childish problem that could have been avoided if you had just told her you would get vanilla cupcakes for your stepdaughter. However, from the way your wive handled the situation with changing the cake order and the way she talk to you there might be a bigger problem. You could consider watching the difference in how she treats your kid and hers. You might discover the bigger issue.
NTA how would your wife have reacted if it was her daughters birthday and you insisted on a chocolate cake since that's since your daughter hates vanilla. She would have lost her s**t and still called you selfish. Get out while you still can, she is a toxic liar.
We don't do Birthday cakes anymore. A variety pack of cupcakes is great and more sanitary anyway. We have passed on eating any cake other than cupcakes for as long as we can remember.
YNTA FOR ORDERING YOUR DAUGHTER HER FAVORITE FLAVOR CAKE FOR HER BIRTHDAY. YOUR WIFE SEEMS A BIT CONTROLLING AND ENTITLED AND SNEAKY BY CALLING THE BAKERY A FEW DAYS AGO AND CHANGING THE CHOCOLATE CAKE THAT YOU ORDERED FOR YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY TO A VANILLA CAKE FOR HER DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY. SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST ORDERED A VANILLA CAKE FOR HER DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY INSTEAD. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE. I THINK THAT THEIR BIRTHDAYS SHOULD BE CELEBRATED ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS SEPARATELY.
But it wasn't "her daughter's" birthday. It didn't seem from the OP that they were trying have a combined celebration.
Load More Replies... It seems like you 2 have issues. It is an easy solution. A birthday isn't only about 1 special person, it is about everyone celebrating someone they love together. As an adult, at my birthday parties, I make sure that everyone is happy, including me. When your wife told you that her daughter hates chocolate cake, you should have said "no problem, I got this" and then bought a 2nd cake that would make everyone happy. Sucks to not be able to participate in a celebration because there is nothing for you to eat. Imo.
No a birthday IS ONLY about one person and only the birthday person has to like the food. If you cant suck it up and eat something that is not your favorite (discounting actual allergies or medical intolerances) for someone you care about then you are a selfish jerk. Even as a small child I knew to just eat what was served at someone else's birthday without complaint regardless of whether I peraonally liked it or not. OP's wife is teaching her daughter to be a selfish jerk by trying to make other's cater to her regardless of the situation.
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