This Guy Buys His Son A New Car, Threatens To Report It Stolen After Finding Out His Son’s Step-Father Took It
Relationships between spouses after divorce often lead to various not-so-lovely stories, which sometimes turn out to be even less lovely if children were involved. This applies, for example, to the relationship between fathers and stepfathers.
And when almost adult children become parties to a protracted conflict, it can be very difficult to understand who is right and who is not. For example, as it was in the situation that ensued with this Redditor, whose recent post received more than 11K upvotes and almost 2K various comments.
More info: Reddit
Image source: David Villarreal Fernández (not the actual photo)
The original poster shared custody of his 16 Y.O. son Andy with his ex-wife Eliza
So, the original poster shares custody of his 16-year-old son Andy with his ex-wife Eliza. In the new family, Eliza has many children – three with her new husband Scott, and three more from Scott’s former marriage.
At the same time, the OP lives alone, makes good money working in a family company, while Eliza and Scott do not earn a lot. Moreover, the OP has repeatedly wondered how they manage to feed such a large family.
Image source: dontdrivethecar
The father helped Andy to get a driver license and then bought him a new car
The OP and Eliza ended up in court over whether Andy should attend private school. The father won the case, but in addition to paying for classes, he was also instructed to provide transportation to school and back. As a result, OP helped Andy to get a driver license and then bought him a car – a 2021 Mazda SUV. According to his own words, he is aware that teenagers do not need new cars, but he chose this one for safety reasons, mainly.
Eliza and Scott called OP a “pretentious p***k”, but the car was bought with his money and is in his name until Andy turns 18. Moreover, the mother and stepfather did not pay a dime for the car as the father pays for the upkeep of the car and insurance, while the son pays for gas.
Image source: dontdrivethecar
Andy told his dad he was being punished and his step-dad took the car to drive to his work
And so, one fine day during spring break, Andy called his father and asked him to bring the model paints he had left at his house. The OP was surprised that the son himself wouldn’t come to pick it up, so Andy replied that he was being punished and had to stay at home.
The OP went to his ex-wife’s house and was surprised to notice that his son’s car was not there. It turned out that Scott took the car and drove to his work. The OP insisted that only Andy should drive the car. Eliza told him that their own car had just broken down and they would no longer take this Mazda.
Image source: dontdrivethecar
The next day the OP found out that Scott had taken the car once more
The next day, father deliberately drove past Eliza’s house and saw the car was gone again. He called Andy and found out that his stepfather had taken the car once more. Then the OP called Eliza and said that if her husband did not bring the car back immediately, he would call the police and report the theft.
Image source: dontdrivethecar
Even Andy said his father had gone too far
Eliza threw a tantrum, but Scott immediately rushed in – although he blamed the OP for missing work and losing money because of him. Finally, the OP told them that if he ever discovered that Scott took the Mazda again, he would immediately call the cops without any warning. This time even Andy said his father had gone too far – but he felt within his rights.
Image source: artistmac (not the actual photo)
People in the comments basically supported the OP
At the same time, the commenters basically supported the OP, arguing that since he bought a car for his son, then only Andy has the right to drive it, and if the son was being punished (by the way, as the OP noted, he was punished for refusing to do his chores, and not as his stepfather wanted to drive a new car), they should have let the car sit there and wait for its owner.
Some people thought that Eliza and her husband simply decided to take advantage of the situation
According to some people in the comments, Eliza and her husband simply decided to take advantage of the situation, and they were just being rude and disrespectful. The most important thing is actually that Andy feels good. By the way, the OP admitted that his son loves both his mom and dad, and he does not feel any discomfort about them living separately.
The situation, however, still looks rather ambiguous, so we will be grateful for your opinions and comments. Perhaps some of you have found yourselves in a similar situation, so please write in any case, it would be really interesting.
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Sounds like Scott isn't insured to drive the car. If he damages it, go to Judge Judy. I'll watch it!
Right. If the father needs transportation that bad, then have his step son drive him to work and let the stepfather pay for the gas. When, the step father is done with work then have his step son return and pick him up. This should facilitate the step father to hurriedly get his own car repaired and solve the problem with the step son being taken advantage of since he is being provided a roof over his head, which I seriously think his OP should fix. Why burden his ex wife with seven children, if she can barely afford them? His only son by her is the one who is suffering. He should apply for sole custody and the step father could call if he needs a ride to work, or get a bike or catch the bus.
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I'm surprised the OP didn't bring up the matter of insurance. His policy will state who is and is not allowed to drive the car, and if it's driven by someone not on that list and they have an accident...
And if they look up the liscence plat theyll see that it is in OP's name until OP's son is of age
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There's a huge lack of respect and responsibility here...Honestly I would report the car stolen next time he takes it. What they aren't seeing are the legalities of the situation...the car is registered under the father and he pays insurance for the son to drive it. If Scott gets into an accident, dad is screwed...not only could insurance deny the claim but if someone is injured and sues dad would be on the hook. Also looking at how immature Scott and Eliza are acting they could rack up thousands in parking and other fines that could cause dads license to get suspended or his property levied and he would have to spend more to fix it. The only way to get them to stop taking the car without taking it away is to have them suffer the consequence. The son cannot give permission for them to borrow something he doesn't own so they can't use that angle. They can't retaliate since your visitation/custody is properly sorted with the courts and if they try they will lose theirs.
Well a police officer would still peg step dad for uninsured driving if he was to wreck it. That wouldnt have anything to do with dad. If I wreck my neighbors car I dont give their license to the cops I give mine in an accident. And if I'm not insured on their insurance I'm getting either cited or arrested for driving with out insurance and also In getting my license suspended for driving a car I'm not insured on. That's how the law works. The only one who can be sued is the one who wrecked it. But tickets are different those coinside with your license plate.
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Dad should put a tracker on the car and let StepDad know it has a tracker and that if he takes it again he calls the cops. Dad should also be keep the spare set of keys and if he sees the car at StepDads work he could repo it and let the thief figure out his own way home. Pretty sure that would solve the problem. I also applaud the Dad for buying a safe practical car instead of a sports car which the son probably would have preferred.
I think the tracker is a good idea. He could have his son tell him anytime mom or step-dad take the car, but that puts the kid in a difficult situation and should be avoided. I'm sure they don't tell him he's a pretentious pr!ck when they receive his child support pymts. This is his only child and he can afford things like this. Does it suck for the other kids? Sure, but their dad should look for a better job or training/education to get one so he can fix his cars and possibly buy cars for his kids. That said, I'd be very cognizant that the other kids don't get things his does and avoid sending unnecessary expensive things to his mom's. Car, phone, laptop & gaming system are fine but other things can stay at his house. Kids don't always understand why a half-sibling gets expensive/nice things often. Mom/step-dad suck here, but this is a great time to teach his son that not everyone is as fortunate as he is and not flaunt his things (I know this wasn't mentioned)
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They're very lucky he gave them a warning before calling the cops. I would've called the cops immediately if my ex-wife's husband drove a car I gave my son.
Right and that would for sure be a GTA charge lol thats real prision time haha
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I don't believe scott and eliza should be able to punish using things they didnt provide. You can't take away something you did not give. Not doing chores should mean not allowed to hang out with friends for a day or two, not taking away car keys of a car that doesn't belong to you in the first place. Dad sure as hell could take the keys away- the car is in his name. Scott shouldn't be able to.
With the sole exception of his phone (or laptop IF needed for school), each parent should be able to take away anything for punishment regardless of who purchased it, PROVIDED that the punishment fits the crime. If he is doing things that are really bad (drugs, destruction of property, sneaking out, bad treatment of others, etc), then losing his car except to go back & forth to school is reasonable. Changing the punishment for minor infractions from reasonable to ridiculous is not ok. In a shared custody situation, both parents need to support each other in areas of discipline as much as possible & rational. The message gets mixed otherwise; mom bans him from driving for a week for a valid punishment, dad tells him he can drive anyway, kid gets the message that his behavior was acceptable & mom's a b!tch. But parents need to communicate amicably before the punishment is handed down. I feel like this dad would enforce a driving ban if it fit the crime & his ex wasn't a jerk to begin
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My parents bought me a car. I was the only person outside of them who was allowed to drive it. They payed for the gas, insurance, and any repairs needed. Scott is jealous of the relationship that OP has with Andy and is also jealous of how much money OP makes. It doesn't matter that Scott's car was not working that still didn't give him the right to drive Andy's car. Scott and Eliza are acting immaturely and I think that threatening to call the cops was the right thing to do. If they are having this much trouble with money, they shouldn't have so many children. Scott is only punishing Andy so he can drive the car. Scott also needs to stay out of any conflicts between OP and Eliza.
I agree that Scott is probably jealous of Andy's car, and Andy's father's ability to buy it, and pay for private school, and other nice things that Scott probably can't afford for his own children; not OP's problem; I also agree that Scott needs to leave the parenting of Andy mostly up to Elisa and OP. Something that is glaring in this story, to me, is the hypocrisy of Eliza and Scott; their thinly veiled excuse for such a long punishment is bunk; they lengthened Andy's grounding time only so Scott could use the car; they are preaching how Andy was punished for not doing what he was supposed to do( his chores)yet Scott takes and uses Andy's car, after being told not to, and then after getting caught, he did it again! How hypocritical! These two are complete hypocrites! They are setting a terrible example for all of the children, and sending very mixed messages about right and wrong! I don't blame OP for threatening to call the police! In case of an accident, he could lose everything!
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The vehicle part is simple. It is in the father's name, the son is on the father's policy, the vehicle is garaged at another residence, the step father/ex wife are NOT on the policy and do not have to be. They are not even 'deferred', and given the relationship, absolutely not authorized to operate that vehicle. So basically they are playing roulette, and if the step father has an accident, it isn't just the father here... the insurance company would ask the father if he let him drive, he'd clearly say: "no", and hte insurance company would go after the already struggling step-father for damages/reimbursement. The father might sue to get back the deductible I believe. As an aside, it also seems a safe bet they are using any child support for the oldest to supplement their life/current kids. Which means they will likely be NASTY when that check stops coming at 18yo...
Brilliant comment. You exposed those commenters who felt that the OP/father was wrong.
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If Scott isn't on the insurance he is driving uninsured, and this is illegal (at least in UK) If he has an accident, it won't be covered. Scott is an a*****e. It's not his car. Period. If he wants/needs to get to work, the appropriate thing to do is to say "Stepson, I need you to drop me at work, because my car is in the shop." That would be reasonable.
Tell your ex that since they used the car for 3 days they need to pay this months insurance. If they can't afford that, we'll too bad, you stole a car and this is the option with the least amount of consequences for them. I'm sure they will use the car again, should your son have a sick day, why not use the nice car? I would just wait for the next time and report the car stolen. I do understand that this also makes your son uncomfortable, no child likes to tell in their other parent, and you have no telling if he is getting punished for telling on them. I would say that it is disrespectful of them to use the car when they know that only you and your son are to use it.
TBH, the second time I found out stepdad used the car, even though I had just spoken to him and mom about it, I would’ve called the cops and had him arrested for stealing the cat at work, in front of his boss and coworkers. That might make the penny drop in mom’s and stepdad’s understanding of the reason why 👏They👏 Can👏👏 NOT👏👏 Use👏 Andy’s👏 Car.
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Its YOUR car you payed for it but you gave it to Andy for only HIM to use honestly if this keeps on going just take the car back or better yet let Scott keep using it but once it gets damaged sue him for taking YOUR car that will teach him.
"Take the car back." Which would not only punish Andy, but also OP, as OP would have to provide transportation for Andy to and from school. Why would you advocate punishing the innocent for the crimes of the guilty?
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Your insurance doesn't cover Scott? Then, if he has an accident, you're responsible. Cover your a*s, report it stolen, and let them deal with the fall out. You ain't Scott's daddy.
No if scott has an accident the person in trouble would be Scott. Not the cars owner. Yea OP would need to buy a new car but any damage Scott would 1 be arrested in the US for driving uninsured plus suspended license also sued for any and all damage. He doesnt get to hand over Ops Id when he wrecks its still scotts name that the cops will get at the scene of the accident. It wouldnt in any way fall back on someone WHO WASNT DRIVING
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This is simple, on the weeks that Andy stays with Mom, the car stays at home. Mom can now do all of the driving back and forth to school, etc.
But I think I read that that was the responsibility of the father in wanting private school - he was also responsible for transportation.
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The father didn't go overboard. How else does one deal with unreasonable adults (ex and stepfather)... who themselves have gone overboard. They're just pissed because they can't drive the car... and Andy just wants to keep the peace in his extended family.
in the state I live in, there is a misdemeanor lesser charge that could be pursued... it is called "unauthorized use"... you don't have to charge with felony theft...
Same in the UK, its called TWOC, taking without owners consent. The difference between that and theft is that TWOC doesn't imply the taker had any intention to permanently deny the owner his ownership of the vehicle. In the UK its usually local kids stealing cars for a joy ride, not adults stealing from their teenage kids!
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If Scott gets into a wreck, Scott's screwed without the lube.
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Yeah, not a good situation at all. I think OP is in the right in this situation and it's unfortunate that Andy is in the middle. At this point, I would tell ex and spouse if they want to take over the insurance, maintenance, payments (if there are any), then they can use the car. Alternatively, take back the car until Andy is old enough to take over the payments, and find another way to school in the meantime.
Andy should live with dad full time, and only make short supervised visits to mom and step-siblings, while stepdad is out of the picture. Once Andy is 18, there’s nothing dad can do besides advise him not to give in to his mom’s manipulation and stepdad’s threats—because you f*****g well know stepdad is at least acting threatening toward Andy, if not actually making verbal threats then acting on them (all of which is abuse, and a damn good reason to terminate visitation), to intimidate him into giving in.
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Im totally on OP side. My only reservation: if he makes a lot of money, what on the world did he do to lose custody of all 3 of the shared kids? The legal system today is pretty biased towards the money maker I feel like, unless they did something messed up and lost the rights. Maybe he just wanted all the kids to be together and gave in to Mom. OR maybe we are missing a reason why ex and step dad should be... not excused... but maybe expected to do every little thing that may annoy OP. That said, he is definitely within his rights and even the bit where his son said he was going too far: that is just a 16 year old not understanding how screwed they would be if insurance found out.
No op didn't lose custody of three kids he shares custody of Andy. First three kids are Scott's. The second three were born of Scott and Eliza. Those 6 aren't OPs. Op has 1 mentioned kid
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You ANTA! Scott and Eliza definitely are! So you're a pretentious pr*ck for BUYING the car, but they don't mind USING it? What HYPOCRITES! If Scott gets in a wreck, he won't pay the damages. If he hurts a person, they'll sue YOU and your insurance company, not Scott. I'm sure Andy feels caught in the middle, but that's his MOTHER'S fault. She should tell her hubby to leave her kid alone. Tell Andy to hide his keys, and mail Scott a bus schedule!
If Scott gets into a wreck and totals the car, the insurance company will come after Scott. If Scott injures someone in the wreck, the injured's insurance company and the injured person will come after Scott. If the police get involved, the police will ARREST Scott. The OP's license won't be the one handed over at the time of the wreck. It's Scott's. OP would have 100% rights to sue Scott and it would be a mercy if he didn't.
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6 kids..7 including the 16yr old...then neither have a car that work or a way to get it fixed??? How are the kids taken care of if they cant afford to maintain a vehicle?? Being in trouble and not being able to use the car freely is one thing, but that doesn't give the step dad to take it...and like a few said about insurance..how you fixing a 2021 vehicle if you cant maintain your own?? Make sure you know the person you have kids with...before you have the kids
That would be: Child Support from OP is spent on other things...I am just amazed she and the other guy acutally married, forgoing the alimony from OP.
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As Mike Baxter Of Last Man Standing would say "your beach, your ocean". AKA Your car, your rules. If they really had car trouble, they should have called & asked if they could use the car.
Or ask the son to take him and/or pick him up, if he's unable to find other means.
Load More Replies... Instead of getting into a urinating contest with your ex, take the car back and return to the previous mode of picking him up to take him to school. It will definitely take up more of your time, but it'll be time spent with your son - you never get that back - and it'll deprive your ex and her current husband of the car without giving them anything to gripe at you about. Andy deserves a chance to have some input in whatever decision Dad makes.
Should’ve bought Andy a car with keypad locks that have changeable codes (do they make cars with ignition codes that would deter thieves? If they do, add that), then make sure Andy understands he should either never tell his mom and stepdad the code, or tell them the code then quickly change it while they’re walking to the car. Andy gets the keep his wheels, and mom and stepdad are foiled in every attempt to use it themselves. The simplest solution is for Andy to live with his dad and only visit mom and step-siblings for an hour or two at a time—-and park down the street. In that case, a nice LOUD car alarm, maybe even one that immediately calls the police, would be a good idea.
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These parents, step-father Scott and mother, Eliza, are a couple of hypocrites! They punish Andy for not doing his chores in a timely fashion, yet they ignore the OP when he forbids them to use the car he purchased solely for Andy to use! What kind of hypocritical parenting plan is this?! The OP has every right to threaten to call the police if Scott takes the car again. I do believe Scott probably does envy OP for having a better paying job, and is able to provide better for his ONLY child, as he does not have six of them, as Scott does, and with seemingly a lower paying job; I think Scott probably envies OP very much, but that's his problem, not Andy's and not OP's. But, it takes some nerve to punish Andy for not doing the right thing, and then turn around and use his punishment as their opportunity to do the wrong thing, by taking Andy's car, after being forbidden to do so! Some great parenting there! I think Andy would be better off living with his father, but no one asked me!NTA!
So I think that maybe it’s time for the son to move in with his dad. He can see his mom whenever he wants. Or as others posted a code/fingerprint to start the car.
I forgot the kid is of age to choose the parent he wants to live with.
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If the car and it's particulars are in your name, with you and your son ONLY are listed as drivers, then no one else should be driving the car. If they have an accident and are not on your insurance who's going to pay? Besides, if one wants to get into semantics, he did 'steal' the car... I mean, he took it without yours or your son's permission. Just saying...
I would say since they arent insured on the car theres no way in hell they should be driving it. They wont be able to replace it if step dad totals it out. That's not a cheap car he just wanted to look cool driving your sons car. Id be pissed. NOT THE ASAHOLE AT ALL STEP DAD IS
While punishing a wayward teenager is the story of life-- 3 days for chores?-- wierd and harsh.Aswell being stuck between warring parents is hard aswell.. Your car, your money your rules!!-- for sure NTA!!!!-- if ex and family wanna use..pay for the privilege. Btw..I would have sent a police officer round with a warning the 2nd time-- you have the patience of a saint!!-- Hang in there and updates please!!!
The car Belongs to op and I'd Anything were to happen to the car while his Step-dad is Driving Who's Responsible for damage? If it were vice versa how would the two feel I bet They wouldn't be ro happy about Dad Driving a Car that Atep Dad is Paying for.
The OP did the right thing. Scott created that problem taking car. The next big problem is animosity between the parents and not enough adult interaction and communication, like a lot of divorces. The parents need to do the right thing and sit down and work through their issues with each other for sake of all kids involved. Teach their kids how to act like grown-ups instead of (seemingly) back stabbing a**holes.
The step father could have asked for a ride to work and be picked from work not take the car which isn't his .
The owner of a car is liable for any damages and especially when damages may exceed the amounts covered by insurance. Any accident claims against your insurance will result in the policy owner being penalized with higher premiums, deductibles and could cause you to lose insurance coverage totally. In this situation, where the mother and step-father due to economic limitations are virtually judgement proof, any injuried parties would go after the car’s owner. If the mom and step-father want the son to drive the step-father to snd from work, the OP wouldn’t have much to complain about. But he has every right to be furious if the mom or step-father assume it’s okay for one of them to drive the car. The child is a minor. Minors can’t give permission or sign contracts. Asking the son doesn’t cover the situation and THEY are putting the son in the middle not the OP. Mom needs to grow up and accept she is the position she’s in because of her choices.
They have no business using that car period. Fix your own money issues. That man has every right to buy his kid things.
OMG it's this really even a question??? You buy a car for your SON, not your ex and her new spouse. And he's the only one on the insurance and the car is in your name legally no one else can drive it. Why is this even a question? NTA
It's a question because two adults, the mother and the step father, decided to act like petulant children and ignore the facts you stated, and drive the car, even though they were told not to; that they were forbidden from driving the car, but did it anyway. Twice; causing the father, the actual owner of the car, to question if calling the police to report it stolen was too drastic of a step to take. His son doesn't want him to call the police, and he is asking for an opinion from us as to whether this is too drastic of a step, and if he's TA if he does so. I think he's justified, in asking, and in reporting the car stolen.
Load More Replies... NTA.....We had the same rules...... We bought the cars. Pd insurance and NO ONE was allowed but then to drive. ... Luckily for us tho the other parents abided....I came with 2 he came with 2......told them me thing.....cars in our names cops will be called if someone other than them drive.
Does the US have an equivalent of what we in the UK call TWOC, or taking without consent. It's not the same as theft of a motor vehicle (which means you intend to permanently deny someone of ownership), but means you intend to use the vehicle as a conveyance without the owners permission.
Yes, I agree the car should only be driven by Andy or the op step dad over stepped his boundaries.im sure he could get a ride with other work friends.
I think OP would have to keep the car at HIS house and in days mom has the Andy, OP can come pick him up and take him to school. Problem solves, malicious compliance style. After all, if the car somehow gets damaged while on mom's property, it sounds like OP would sue them and I would not want to be responsible for it.
The moral of most of these stories is “be careful who you sleep with”. Not that you shouldn’t have “it” but double bag it if you’re not ready to be chained to this person for 18 years. But for this story - your insurance, your car.
Don't "double bag" it. That is how my sister and many of her friends became teen moms. Fun fact: latex on latex breaks. But yeah, definitely be careful who you sleep with and marry.
Load More Replies... So why did Scott get custody of his three kids? He figure child support costs higher than having custody of kids and not have a set amount? Does he pay alimony? Didn't either one see the rising costs not 1 but 3 more kids cost? If the two have no drives me vehicle, how do they go grocery shopping, dr appts, weekends? What about 6 cars & college? Mom has not paid for anything much for her own son. This is a hot mess. How much taxi service is Alex providing for the whole kit and kaboodle here? Step Dad should grow up and get his priorities straight. And so should mom.
NTA at all. They are with their entitled behavior. I wonder if he even bothered to put gas in the car when he stole it? You really should pursue sole custody because your son should not be exposed to that kind of entitlement behavior.
NTA, it's your car until your son is 18. Your name, your insurance. He had no business driving the car. You will never be able to reason with these people so you will have to always be one step ahead of the situation.
This so dumb he needs to take the kid and go the step dad gives no f***s he's going to keep taking the car.
Most PD units, in the U.S., have an event "unauthorized use" ... in this case better ...than stolen ... worth a thought.
NTA. OP is the insured driver. If Scott damages the car, it's on dad's insurance! My mother always told us no one was to drive our cars because they weren't covered. These are grown adults that know how insurance works and know they were wrong. I'd have had the car picked up until he was ungrounded. That is BS!
If Scott wrecks the car, Scott's screwed. It becomes the dad's problem if dad allowed Scott to drive it but did not put him on the insurance. This is not the case. Scott would be screwed and would have to kiss up to OP to avoid being sued by OP.
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Ok ..... this is not your 16yr old son's problem in the least. His other home is chaotic and he is not in a position to mediate the use of his car. Make arrangements so the car is not housed at his mom's house. Inconvenient? Yes. But also relieves Scott of the temptation to borrow the car in the first place, keeps everyone in their lane and if punishment is used ultimately to free up access to the car, then that's no longer a tool. Bottom line is you adults don't have a great relationship so why complicate things?
We let my son borrow one of our cars while he was living at his dad's house. A couple weeks went by and we got a letter in the mail with a speeding ticket with a picture of my ex husband driving the car. I was pissed! Needless to say I made my son return the car and I filled out the speeding ticket with all of my ex husband's information on it and that he was driving the car and mailed it back .
As a rule, if the owner of the car gives a third party permission to drive it they are covered by the owner's insurance. In this case Scott hasn't been given permission and, if the Step-father gets into an accident, unless the father is willing to lie about it, guess who is going to be liable for all damages awarded by the courts (which includes damage to the car and, more importantly, third party claims which can easily amount to hundreds of thousands of dollars).
Yes! This! And the minute they find out the dad has a few bucks, and they will, they will go after him! I have a friend to whom this happened; cost him $100,000. " Whiplash".
Load More Replies... There are features that can be added to a car that allow only certain people to drive it. It can be dealership added. Perhaps a code which only the son would be allowed to have. There are computer programs that can lock a car from starting. Perhaps that needs to be installed. It could be controlled by the parent who bought the car. Get tech involved or get a restraining order against the stepfather which would keep him from using this car. He could be fined or jailed for failure to follow that court order.
Just sharing - I was in ICU when my parents "bought" me.a car - "bought" is code for I was responsible for the payments, but it was in my mom's name. This was done because I had an older car and needed reliable transportation to and from dialysis once I left the hospital. They did this with my reluctant permission, they chose the make, model, color, etc. - it was not something I would chose for myself. Keeping in mind that even though I made all payments, was never late, etc., my mom used to threaten to take it away from me or call the cops and sayI stole it. Technically she could, but morally that would be so wrong.
Have Andy call dad immediately if mom or step use the car. If OP finds out Andy is letting them use it, it gets taken away and mom or step can pick him up and take him home if he wants to visit. Thats what every other parent does. Carpool to school.
The step dad had no right to take that car. Its not the owner's problem that his car broke down. I would of been pist and reported the car stolen if it wasn't brought back. There were rules set in place that that both set of parents were aware of.
I’m curious if you were on better terms with your ex-wife & her husband would there have been a problem with SF borrowing your son’s car to drive to work? I’m not choosing sides, I’m just wondering if it would’ve been a problem if the circumstances were different? Also, we don’t have much background to go on - do either one of them have bad driving records & etc? And I believe It would’ve been much more respectful of the SF to ASK your son and/or you for permission to drive the car. Maybe that would’ve made things a lot better, given the circumstances I would assume everyone involved agrees the man needed a way to work until they could fix their car.
NTA! its not only wrong for Scott and your ex to use your son's car but if they caused an accident you would be the one getting sued. Since your name is on the car and not theirs and they're not on the insurance yours insurance so they wouldn't pay out. There are so many things you could be charged with if that ever happens.
If Scott or the ex got into a wreck, Scott or the ex would be eating every bit of the costs from lawsuits. OP wouldn't be touched.
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I live in the U.S. an in my state only the names of persons on the insurance card is allowed to drive the vehicle. Anyone else driving the vehicle, and got pulled over would not just get a ticket; they would go to jail under failure to provide proof of financial responsibility. An the police could also seize the vehicle under the zero tolerance act; with it being a new vehicle thats probably a 100% certainty. Because then the vehicle would go to auction; an the money would go to the police department for whatever war they're waging against said substances/item/criminal society at the time.
Let me know when you start paying for somebody else' mode of transportation and everything that goes along with it what exactly is too far ... somebody is enabling his step-father ...
Scott might have avoided a whole lot of trouble if he had simply asked Andy to drive him to work. But it seems pretty obvious that Scott didn't want that.
Would make a lot of sense to ask politely if the young man would d drive stepdad back and forth to work, at dads permission, and at step dad's gas cost. And if it's over a week, they chip in on insurance. Insurance for a kid is not cheap. That would be my solution. But I bet anything step dad had no ability to ask nicely.
What doesn't make sense to me is why the OP is allowing a family with 6 other kids to keep his child? Why doesn't he apply for sole custody? Why doesn't he get his son out of that mess?
Somewhere OP said his son likes to visit his mother.
Load More Replies... If you wreck someone else's car then your car insurance covers you. Insurance actually follows the drivers.
Try researching your state. People borrow cars all the time. That's why you can rent a car and sign that your own car has insurance but you aren't driving it.
Load More Replies... You can take keys if you don;t know where they are. The son needs to hide his key. If asked for them, say "I am not allowed. Please contact my father if you want to argue."
Hard for a kid to stand up like that when isolated in the mother's home
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If he has funds, I'd say purchase a 'boot'. Dad locks it up at the house when 'Andy' is being disciplined, then unlocks it when 'Andy' is off restrictions. That way Dad maintains a better control of his car.
And these people are considered adults? It's simple. Keep the kid outta the war. And consult the mom about the kind of car, maybe, b/c there's no way a brand-new SUV to the kid wasn't a little bit about being a pretentious pr*ck ---- the giveaway is the "and frankly I could afford it" combined with "I don't know how they make it with such a large family". IMHO. Hate away.
OP has 1 child, who is enrolled at a vastly superior private school, and most likely go on to college. Successful planing by OP/father. I question your logic, as it seems very shallow. You boldly suggested OP "consult" with the mother. That follows the same failed path, in small that the Democrats espouse. That the "Rich" shall be sacrificed to sustain the "Poor". But the parasite leaders are exempt. Your logic train jumped the tracks. It is OK however, the cars were ALL empty, and the locomotive was broken at the start. In Nature the fewer off spring allows greater resources for success. 1 child versus 6 children. So Andy has a channel to swim into Life's ocean. The 6 not as much. The HATE demonstrated here, is yours alone Leo.
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I am surprised everyone seems to think the dad is fully in the right. No, stepdad shouldn't have taken the car - but it is such a jerk move to buy his son such an expensive car when he knows his ex-wife's family is struggling for money. No 16 year old needs a car like that, even if the circumstances were different.
🤔And that's OP's problem, how? His money, his choice in spending it on his kid. He bought the car for a reason, enough said. As for his ex's new family, pretty sure they were struggling at just 3 kids before the 3 new additions. Long story short, not his circus not his monkeys. He's only responsible for the one he helped create.🤷♀️
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NTA, you bought the car the stepdad had no business taking it, especially without asking first. But you get a huge eyeroll for buying a 16years old a new (!) SUV (!). That is not only overkill but a slap in the face of his other family. You should have talked about this and found a compromise, that is how co-parenting works.
Why are so many people making a big deal about Andy's dad's generosity being a slap in the face to Andy's mom's other family? I honestly don't understand. Neither Andy nor his dad should have to lower their lifestyle because his mother/ ex-wife now has six kids! That's her choice, and it's kind of ridiculous to me that Andy's dad should buy the kind of car his mother can afford! It's an SUV, not a convertible sports car! He bought his son the best safe car he can afford; good for him!
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Funny every talks about insurance that siphons our money as we cry about gas prices as 99% of the time most of us dint even need to use the insurance... And ignores the pettiness and fact that if we were all like that dad the world be a real crappy place to live as people control what other people do with things that are thiers to loan out or even just trash and set fire to if they wanted or a parent thats actually there uses for something but no forget that they help your child and cause problems. Says alot about some people when they cause more problems than they solve.
What are you trying to actually say? Not following you.
Load More Replies... OP should take the car away during the time his son is at his moms house, then return it to his son once the visit is over. Broke a*s losers are always trying to get something for free rather than earn it.
Honestly the police would not do anything. This is a civil matter, not a criminal case. But it is extremely rude to use the car without permission.
Actually they would. The step father is not listed as the owner of the vehicle.
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The article said he took it without permission. The son told his dad the step dad didn't ask and took the keys.
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That's still not his responsibility and it's stated what the car is for. It's only for the son. If they didn't share a son and she was in the same situation, then what? You can't use people's things that do not belong to you - and especially act entitled when called out on it. If the step dad gets in an accident, guess which selfish prick has to pay for it? Surely step dad can't afford it or he wouldn't be driving the car in the first place. If finances are a problem, they need to look into that themselves. They chose to have all those children and that's just what comes with the territory.
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Might as well just offer Scott a pension so his income is equal to the op's. Giving in like that will only embolden them.
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Sounds like Scott isn't insured to drive the car. If he damages it, go to Judge Judy. I'll watch it!
Right. If the father needs transportation that bad, then have his step son drive him to work and let the stepfather pay for the gas. When, the step father is done with work then have his step son return and pick him up. This should facilitate the step father to hurriedly get his own car repaired and solve the problem with the step son being taken advantage of since he is being provided a roof over his head, which I seriously think his OP should fix. Why burden his ex wife with seven children, if she can barely afford them? His only son by her is the one who is suffering. He should apply for sole custody and the step father could call if he needs a ride to work, or get a bike or catch the bus.
Load More Replies... I'm surprised the OP didn't bring up the matter of insurance. His policy will state who is and is not allowed to drive the car, and if it's driven by someone not on that list and they have an accident...
And if they look up the liscence plat theyll see that it is in OP's name until OP's son is of age
Load More Replies... There's a huge lack of respect and responsibility here...Honestly I would report the car stolen next time he takes it. What they aren't seeing are the legalities of the situation...the car is registered under the father and he pays insurance for the son to drive it. If Scott gets into an accident, dad is screwed...not only could insurance deny the claim but if someone is injured and sues dad would be on the hook. Also looking at how immature Scott and Eliza are acting they could rack up thousands in parking and other fines that could cause dads license to get suspended or his property levied and he would have to spend more to fix it. The only way to get them to stop taking the car without taking it away is to have them suffer the consequence. The son cannot give permission for them to borrow something he doesn't own so they can't use that angle. They can't retaliate since your visitation/custody is properly sorted with the courts and if they try they will lose theirs.
Well a police officer would still peg step dad for uninsured driving if he was to wreck it. That wouldnt have anything to do with dad. If I wreck my neighbors car I dont give their license to the cops I give mine in an accident. And if I'm not insured on their insurance I'm getting either cited or arrested for driving with out insurance and also In getting my license suspended for driving a car I'm not insured on. That's how the law works. The only one who can be sued is the one who wrecked it. But tickets are different those coinside with your license plate.
Load More Replies... Dad should put a tracker on the car and let StepDad know it has a tracker and that if he takes it again he calls the cops. Dad should also be keep the spare set of keys and if he sees the car at StepDads work he could repo it and let the thief figure out his own way home. Pretty sure that would solve the problem. I also applaud the Dad for buying a safe practical car instead of a sports car which the son probably would have preferred.
I think the tracker is a good idea. He could have his son tell him anytime mom or step-dad take the car, but that puts the kid in a difficult situation and should be avoided. I'm sure they don't tell him he's a pretentious pr!ck when they receive his child support pymts. This is his only child and he can afford things like this. Does it suck for the other kids? Sure, but their dad should look for a better job or training/education to get one so he can fix his cars and possibly buy cars for his kids. That said, I'd be very cognizant that the other kids don't get things his does and avoid sending unnecessary expensive things to his mom's. Car, phone, laptop & gaming system are fine but other things can stay at his house. Kids don't always understand why a half-sibling gets expensive/nice things often. Mom/step-dad suck here, but this is a great time to teach his son that not everyone is as fortunate as he is and not flaunt his things (I know this wasn't mentioned)
Load More Replies... They're very lucky he gave them a warning before calling the cops. I would've called the cops immediately if my ex-wife's husband drove a car I gave my son.
Right and that would for sure be a GTA charge lol thats real prision time haha
Load More Replies... I don't believe scott and eliza should be able to punish using things they didnt provide. You can't take away something you did not give. Not doing chores should mean not allowed to hang out with friends for a day or two, not taking away car keys of a car that doesn't belong to you in the first place. Dad sure as hell could take the keys away- the car is in his name. Scott shouldn't be able to.
With the sole exception of his phone (or laptop IF needed for school), each parent should be able to take away anything for punishment regardless of who purchased it, PROVIDED that the punishment fits the crime. If he is doing things that are really bad (drugs, destruction of property, sneaking out, bad treatment of others, etc), then losing his car except to go back & forth to school is reasonable. Changing the punishment for minor infractions from reasonable to ridiculous is not ok. In a shared custody situation, both parents need to support each other in areas of discipline as much as possible & rational. The message gets mixed otherwise; mom bans him from driving for a week for a valid punishment, dad tells him he can drive anyway, kid gets the message that his behavior was acceptable & mom's a b!tch. But parents need to communicate amicably before the punishment is handed down. I feel like this dad would enforce a driving ban if it fit the crime & his ex wasn't a jerk to begin
Load More Replies... My parents bought me a car. I was the only person outside of them who was allowed to drive it. They payed for the gas, insurance, and any repairs needed. Scott is jealous of the relationship that OP has with Andy and is also jealous of how much money OP makes. It doesn't matter that Scott's car was not working that still didn't give him the right to drive Andy's car. Scott and Eliza are acting immaturely and I think that threatening to call the cops was the right thing to do. If they are having this much trouble with money, they shouldn't have so many children. Scott is only punishing Andy so he can drive the car. Scott also needs to stay out of any conflicts between OP and Eliza.
I agree that Scott is probably jealous of Andy's car, and Andy's father's ability to buy it, and pay for private school, and other nice things that Scott probably can't afford for his own children; not OP's problem; I also agree that Scott needs to leave the parenting of Andy mostly up to Elisa and OP. Something that is glaring in this story, to me, is the hypocrisy of Eliza and Scott; their thinly veiled excuse for such a long punishment is bunk; they lengthened Andy's grounding time only so Scott could use the car; they are preaching how Andy was punished for not doing what he was supposed to do( his chores)yet Scott takes and uses Andy's car, after being told not to, and then after getting caught, he did it again! How hypocritical! These two are complete hypocrites! They are setting a terrible example for all of the children, and sending very mixed messages about right and wrong! I don't blame OP for threatening to call the police! In case of an accident, he could lose everything!
Load More Replies... The vehicle part is simple. It is in the father's name, the son is on the father's policy, the vehicle is garaged at another residence, the step father/ex wife are NOT on the policy and do not have to be. They are not even 'deferred', and given the relationship, absolutely not authorized to operate that vehicle. So basically they are playing roulette, and if the step father has an accident, it isn't just the father here... the insurance company would ask the father if he let him drive, he'd clearly say: "no", and hte insurance company would go after the already struggling step-father for damages/reimbursement. The father might sue to get back the deductible I believe. As an aside, it also seems a safe bet they are using any child support for the oldest to supplement their life/current kids. Which means they will likely be NASTY when that check stops coming at 18yo...
Brilliant comment. You exposed those commenters who felt that the OP/father was wrong.
Load More Replies... If Scott isn't on the insurance he is driving uninsured, and this is illegal (at least in UK) If he has an accident, it won't be covered. Scott is an a*****e. It's not his car. Period. If he wants/needs to get to work, the appropriate thing to do is to say "Stepson, I need you to drop me at work, because my car is in the shop." That would be reasonable.
Tell your ex that since they used the car for 3 days they need to pay this months insurance. If they can't afford that, we'll too bad, you stole a car and this is the option with the least amount of consequences for them. I'm sure they will use the car again, should your son have a sick day, why not use the nice car? I would just wait for the next time and report the car stolen. I do understand that this also makes your son uncomfortable, no child likes to tell in their other parent, and you have no telling if he is getting punished for telling on them. I would say that it is disrespectful of them to use the car when they know that only you and your son are to use it.
TBH, the second time I found out stepdad used the car, even though I had just spoken to him and mom about it, I would’ve called the cops and had him arrested for stealing the cat at work, in front of his boss and coworkers. That might make the penny drop in mom’s and stepdad’s understanding of the reason why 👏They👏 Can👏👏 NOT👏👏 Use👏 Andy’s👏 Car.
Load More Replies... Its YOUR car you payed for it but you gave it to Andy for only HIM to use honestly if this keeps on going just take the car back or better yet let Scott keep using it but once it gets damaged sue him for taking YOUR car that will teach him.
"Take the car back." Which would not only punish Andy, but also OP, as OP would have to provide transportation for Andy to and from school. Why would you advocate punishing the innocent for the crimes of the guilty?
Load More Replies... Your insurance doesn't cover Scott? Then, if he has an accident, you're responsible. Cover your a*s, report it stolen, and let them deal with the fall out. You ain't Scott's daddy.
No if scott has an accident the person in trouble would be Scott. Not the cars owner. Yea OP would need to buy a new car but any damage Scott would 1 be arrested in the US for driving uninsured plus suspended license also sued for any and all damage. He doesnt get to hand over Ops Id when he wrecks its still scotts name that the cops will get at the scene of the accident. It wouldnt in any way fall back on someone WHO WASNT DRIVING
Load More Replies... This is simple, on the weeks that Andy stays with Mom, the car stays at home. Mom can now do all of the driving back and forth to school, etc.
But I think I read that that was the responsibility of the father in wanting private school - he was also responsible for transportation.
Load More Replies... The father didn't go overboard. How else does one deal with unreasonable adults (ex and stepfather)... who themselves have gone overboard. They're just pissed because they can't drive the car... and Andy just wants to keep the peace in his extended family.
in the state I live in, there is a misdemeanor lesser charge that could be pursued... it is called "unauthorized use"... you don't have to charge with felony theft...
Same in the UK, its called TWOC, taking without owners consent. The difference between that and theft is that TWOC doesn't imply the taker had any intention to permanently deny the owner his ownership of the vehicle. In the UK its usually local kids stealing cars for a joy ride, not adults stealing from their teenage kids!
Load More Replies... If Scott gets into a wreck, Scott's screwed without the lube.
Load More Replies... Yeah, not a good situation at all. I think OP is in the right in this situation and it's unfortunate that Andy is in the middle. At this point, I would tell ex and spouse if they want to take over the insurance, maintenance, payments (if there are any), then they can use the car. Alternatively, take back the car until Andy is old enough to take over the payments, and find another way to school in the meantime.
Andy should live with dad full time, and only make short supervised visits to mom and step-siblings, while stepdad is out of the picture. Once Andy is 18, there’s nothing dad can do besides advise him not to give in to his mom’s manipulation and stepdad’s threats—because you f*****g well know stepdad is at least acting threatening toward Andy, if not actually making verbal threats then acting on them (all of which is abuse, and a damn good reason to terminate visitation), to intimidate him into giving in.
Load More Replies... Im totally on OP side. My only reservation: if he makes a lot of money, what on the world did he do to lose custody of all 3 of the shared kids? The legal system today is pretty biased towards the money maker I feel like, unless they did something messed up and lost the rights. Maybe he just wanted all the kids to be together and gave in to Mom. OR maybe we are missing a reason why ex and step dad should be... not excused... but maybe expected to do every little thing that may annoy OP. That said, he is definitely within his rights and even the bit where his son said he was going too far: that is just a 16 year old not understanding how screwed they would be if insurance found out.
No op didn't lose custody of three kids he shares custody of Andy. First three kids are Scott's. The second three were born of Scott and Eliza. Those 6 aren't OPs. Op has 1 mentioned kid
Load More Replies... You ANTA! Scott and Eliza definitely are! So you're a pretentious pr*ck for BUYING the car, but they don't mind USING it? What HYPOCRITES! If Scott gets in a wreck, he won't pay the damages. If he hurts a person, they'll sue YOU and your insurance company, not Scott. I'm sure Andy feels caught in the middle, but that's his MOTHER'S fault. She should tell her hubby to leave her kid alone. Tell Andy to hide his keys, and mail Scott a bus schedule!
If Scott gets into a wreck and totals the car, the insurance company will come after Scott. If Scott injures someone in the wreck, the injured's insurance company and the injured person will come after Scott. If the police get involved, the police will ARREST Scott. The OP's license won't be the one handed over at the time of the wreck. It's Scott's. OP would have 100% rights to sue Scott and it would be a mercy if he didn't.
Load More Replies... 6 kids..7 including the 16yr old...then neither have a car that work or a way to get it fixed??? How are the kids taken care of if they cant afford to maintain a vehicle?? Being in trouble and not being able to use the car freely is one thing, but that doesn't give the step dad to take it...and like a few said about insurance..how you fixing a 2021 vehicle if you cant maintain your own?? Make sure you know the person you have kids with...before you have the kids
That would be: Child Support from OP is spent on other things...I am just amazed she and the other guy acutally married, forgoing the alimony from OP.
Load More Replies... As Mike Baxter Of Last Man Standing would say "your beach, your ocean". AKA Your car, your rules. If they really had car trouble, they should have called & asked if they could use the car.
Or ask the son to take him and/or pick him up, if he's unable to find other means.
Load More Replies... Instead of getting into a urinating contest with your ex, take the car back and return to the previous mode of picking him up to take him to school. It will definitely take up more of your time, but it'll be time spent with your son - you never get that back - and it'll deprive your ex and her current husband of the car without giving them anything to gripe at you about. Andy deserves a chance to have some input in whatever decision Dad makes.
Should’ve bought Andy a car with keypad locks that have changeable codes (do they make cars with ignition codes that would deter thieves? If they do, add that), then make sure Andy understands he should either never tell his mom and stepdad the code, or tell them the code then quickly change it while they’re walking to the car. Andy gets the keep his wheels, and mom and stepdad are foiled in every attempt to use it themselves. The simplest solution is for Andy to live with his dad and only visit mom and step-siblings for an hour or two at a time—-and park down the street. In that case, a nice LOUD car alarm, maybe even one that immediately calls the police, would be a good idea.
Load More Replies... These parents, step-father Scott and mother, Eliza, are a couple of hypocrites! They punish Andy for not doing his chores in a timely fashion, yet they ignore the OP when he forbids them to use the car he purchased solely for Andy to use! What kind of hypocritical parenting plan is this?! The OP has every right to threaten to call the police if Scott takes the car again. I do believe Scott probably does envy OP for having a better paying job, and is able to provide better for his ONLY child, as he does not have six of them, as Scott does, and with seemingly a lower paying job; I think Scott probably envies OP very much, but that's his problem, not Andy's and not OP's. But, it takes some nerve to punish Andy for not doing the right thing, and then turn around and use his punishment as their opportunity to do the wrong thing, by taking Andy's car, after being forbidden to do so! Some great parenting there! I think Andy would be better off living with his father, but no one asked me!NTA!
So I think that maybe it’s time for the son to move in with his dad. He can see his mom whenever he wants. Or as others posted a code/fingerprint to start the car.
I forgot the kid is of age to choose the parent he wants to live with.
Load More Replies... If the car and it's particulars are in your name, with you and your son ONLY are listed as drivers, then no one else should be driving the car. If they have an accident and are not on your insurance who's going to pay? Besides, if one wants to get into semantics, he did 'steal' the car... I mean, he took it without yours or your son's permission. Just saying...
I would say since they arent insured on the car theres no way in hell they should be driving it. They wont be able to replace it if step dad totals it out. That's not a cheap car he just wanted to look cool driving your sons car. Id be pissed. NOT THE ASAHOLE AT ALL STEP DAD IS
While punishing a wayward teenager is the story of life-- 3 days for chores?-- wierd and harsh.Aswell being stuck between warring parents is hard aswell.. Your car, your money your rules!!-- for sure NTA!!!!-- if ex and family wanna use..pay for the privilege. Btw..I would have sent a police officer round with a warning the 2nd time-- you have the patience of a saint!!-- Hang in there and updates please!!!
The car Belongs to op and I'd Anything were to happen to the car while his Step-dad is Driving Who's Responsible for damage? If it were vice versa how would the two feel I bet They wouldn't be ro happy about Dad Driving a Car that Atep Dad is Paying for.
The OP did the right thing. Scott created that problem taking car. The next big problem is animosity between the parents and not enough adult interaction and communication, like a lot of divorces. The parents need to do the right thing and sit down and work through their issues with each other for sake of all kids involved. Teach their kids how to act like grown-ups instead of (seemingly) back stabbing a**holes.
The step father could have asked for a ride to work and be picked from work not take the car which isn't his .
The owner of a car is liable for any damages and especially when damages may exceed the amounts covered by insurance. Any accident claims against your insurance will result in the policy owner being penalized with higher premiums, deductibles and could cause you to lose insurance coverage totally. In this situation, where the mother and step-father due to economic limitations are virtually judgement proof, any injuried parties would go after the car’s owner. If the mom and step-father want the son to drive the step-father to snd from work, the OP wouldn’t have much to complain about. But he has every right to be furious if the mom or step-father assume it’s okay for one of them to drive the car. The child is a minor. Minors can’t give permission or sign contracts. Asking the son doesn’t cover the situation and THEY are putting the son in the middle not the OP. Mom needs to grow up and accept she is the position she’s in because of her choices.
They have no business using that car period. Fix your own money issues. That man has every right to buy his kid things.
OMG it's this really even a question??? You buy a car for your SON, not your ex and her new spouse. And he's the only one on the insurance and the car is in your name legally no one else can drive it. Why is this even a question? NTA
It's a question because two adults, the mother and the step father, decided to act like petulant children and ignore the facts you stated, and drive the car, even though they were told not to; that they were forbidden from driving the car, but did it anyway. Twice; causing the father, the actual owner of the car, to question if calling the police to report it stolen was too drastic of a step to take. His son doesn't want him to call the police, and he is asking for an opinion from us as to whether this is too drastic of a step, and if he's TA if he does so. I think he's justified, in asking, and in reporting the car stolen.
Load More Replies... NTA.....We had the same rules...... We bought the cars. Pd insurance and NO ONE was allowed but then to drive. ... Luckily for us tho the other parents abided....I came with 2 he came with 2......told them me thing.....cars in our names cops will be called if someone other than them drive.
Does the US have an equivalent of what we in the UK call TWOC, or taking without consent. It's not the same as theft of a motor vehicle (which means you intend to permanently deny someone of ownership), but means you intend to use the vehicle as a conveyance without the owners permission.
Yes, I agree the car should only be driven by Andy or the op step dad over stepped his boundaries.im sure he could get a ride with other work friends.
I think OP would have to keep the car at HIS house and in days mom has the Andy, OP can come pick him up and take him to school. Problem solves, malicious compliance style. After all, if the car somehow gets damaged while on mom's property, it sounds like OP would sue them and I would not want to be responsible for it.
The moral of most of these stories is “be careful who you sleep with”. Not that you shouldn’t have “it” but double bag it if you’re not ready to be chained to this person for 18 years. But for this story - your insurance, your car.
Don't "double bag" it. That is how my sister and many of her friends became teen moms. Fun fact: latex on latex breaks. But yeah, definitely be careful who you sleep with and marry.
Load More Replies... So why did Scott get custody of his three kids? He figure child support costs higher than having custody of kids and not have a set amount? Does he pay alimony? Didn't either one see the rising costs not 1 but 3 more kids cost? If the two have no drives me vehicle, how do they go grocery shopping, dr appts, weekends? What about 6 cars & college? Mom has not paid for anything much for her own son. This is a hot mess. How much taxi service is Alex providing for the whole kit and kaboodle here? Step Dad should grow up and get his priorities straight. And so should mom.
NTA at all. They are with their entitled behavior. I wonder if he even bothered to put gas in the car when he stole it? You really should pursue sole custody because your son should not be exposed to that kind of entitlement behavior.
NTA, it's your car until your son is 18. Your name, your insurance. He had no business driving the car. You will never be able to reason with these people so you will have to always be one step ahead of the situation.
This so dumb he needs to take the kid and go the step dad gives no f***s he's going to keep taking the car.
Most PD units, in the U.S., have an event "unauthorized use" ... in this case better ...than stolen ... worth a thought.
NTA. OP is the insured driver. If Scott damages the car, it's on dad's insurance! My mother always told us no one was to drive our cars because they weren't covered. These are grown adults that know how insurance works and know they were wrong. I'd have had the car picked up until he was ungrounded. That is BS!
If Scott wrecks the car, Scott's screwed. It becomes the dad's problem if dad allowed Scott to drive it but did not put him on the insurance. This is not the case. Scott would be screwed and would have to kiss up to OP to avoid being sued by OP.
Load More Replies... Ok ..... this is not your 16yr old son's problem in the least. His other home is chaotic and he is not in a position to mediate the use of his car. Make arrangements so the car is not housed at his mom's house. Inconvenient? Yes. But also relieves Scott of the temptation to borrow the car in the first place, keeps everyone in their lane and if punishment is used ultimately to free up access to the car, then that's no longer a tool. Bottom line is you adults don't have a great relationship so why complicate things?
We let my son borrow one of our cars while he was living at his dad's house. A couple weeks went by and we got a letter in the mail with a speeding ticket with a picture of my ex husband driving the car. I was pissed! Needless to say I made my son return the car and I filled out the speeding ticket with all of my ex husband's information on it and that he was driving the car and mailed it back .
As a rule, if the owner of the car gives a third party permission to drive it they are covered by the owner's insurance. In this case Scott hasn't been given permission and, if the Step-father gets into an accident, unless the father is willing to lie about it, guess who is going to be liable for all damages awarded by the courts (which includes damage to the car and, more importantly, third party claims which can easily amount to hundreds of thousands of dollars).
Yes! This! And the minute they find out the dad has a few bucks, and they will, they will go after him! I have a friend to whom this happened; cost him $100,000. " Whiplash".
Load More Replies... There are features that can be added to a car that allow only certain people to drive it. It can be dealership added. Perhaps a code which only the son would be allowed to have. There are computer programs that can lock a car from starting. Perhaps that needs to be installed. It could be controlled by the parent who bought the car. Get tech involved or get a restraining order against the stepfather which would keep him from using this car. He could be fined or jailed for failure to follow that court order.
Just sharing - I was in ICU when my parents "bought" me.a car - "bought" is code for I was responsible for the payments, but it was in my mom's name. This was done because I had an older car and needed reliable transportation to and from dialysis once I left the hospital. They did this with my reluctant permission, they chose the make, model, color, etc. - it was not something I would chose for myself. Keeping in mind that even though I made all payments, was never late, etc., my mom used to threaten to take it away from me or call the cops and sayI stole it. Technically she could, but morally that would be so wrong.
Have Andy call dad immediately if mom or step use the car. If OP finds out Andy is letting them use it, it gets taken away and mom or step can pick him up and take him home if he wants to visit. Thats what every other parent does. Carpool to school.
The step dad had no right to take that car. Its not the owner's problem that his car broke down. I would of been pist and reported the car stolen if it wasn't brought back. There were rules set in place that that both set of parents were aware of.
I’m curious if you were on better terms with your ex-wife & her husband would there have been a problem with SF borrowing your son’s car to drive to work? I’m not choosing sides, I’m just wondering if it would’ve been a problem if the circumstances were different? Also, we don’t have much background to go on - do either one of them have bad driving records & etc? And I believe It would’ve been much more respectful of the SF to ASK your son and/or you for permission to drive the car. Maybe that would’ve made things a lot better, given the circumstances I would assume everyone involved agrees the man needed a way to work until they could fix their car.
NTA! its not only wrong for Scott and your ex to use your son's car but if they caused an accident you would be the one getting sued. Since your name is on the car and not theirs and they're not on the insurance yours insurance so they wouldn't pay out. There are so many things you could be charged with if that ever happens.
If Scott or the ex got into a wreck, Scott or the ex would be eating every bit of the costs from lawsuits. OP wouldn't be touched.
Load More Replies... I live in the U.S. an in my state only the names of persons on the insurance card is allowed to drive the vehicle. Anyone else driving the vehicle, and got pulled over would not just get a ticket; they would go to jail under failure to provide proof of financial responsibility. An the police could also seize the vehicle under the zero tolerance act; with it being a new vehicle thats probably a 100% certainty. Because then the vehicle would go to auction; an the money would go to the police department for whatever war they're waging against said substances/item/criminal society at the time.
Let me know when you start paying for somebody else' mode of transportation and everything that goes along with it what exactly is too far ... somebody is enabling his step-father ...
Scott might have avoided a whole lot of trouble if he had simply asked Andy to drive him to work. But it seems pretty obvious that Scott didn't want that.
Would make a lot of sense to ask politely if the young man would d drive stepdad back and forth to work, at dads permission, and at step dad's gas cost. And if it's over a week, they chip in on insurance. Insurance for a kid is not cheap. That would be my solution. But I bet anything step dad had no ability to ask nicely.
What doesn't make sense to me is why the OP is allowing a family with 6 other kids to keep his child? Why doesn't he apply for sole custody? Why doesn't he get his son out of that mess?
Somewhere OP said his son likes to visit his mother.
Load More Replies... If you wreck someone else's car then your car insurance covers you. Insurance actually follows the drivers.
Try researching your state. People borrow cars all the time. That's why you can rent a car and sign that your own car has insurance but you aren't driving it.
Load More Replies... You can take keys if you don;t know where they are. The son needs to hide his key. If asked for them, say "I am not allowed. Please contact my father if you want to argue."
Hard for a kid to stand up like that when isolated in the mother's home
Load More Replies... If he has funds, I'd say purchase a 'boot'. Dad locks it up at the house when 'Andy' is being disciplined, then unlocks it when 'Andy' is off restrictions. That way Dad maintains a better control of his car.
And these people are considered adults? It's simple. Keep the kid outta the war. And consult the mom about the kind of car, maybe, b/c there's no way a brand-new SUV to the kid wasn't a little bit about being a pretentious pr*ck ---- the giveaway is the "and frankly I could afford it" combined with "I don't know how they make it with such a large family". IMHO. Hate away.
OP has 1 child, who is enrolled at a vastly superior private school, and most likely go on to college. Successful planing by OP/father. I question your logic, as it seems very shallow. You boldly suggested OP "consult" with the mother. That follows the same failed path, in small that the Democrats espouse. That the "Rich" shall be sacrificed to sustain the "Poor". But the parasite leaders are exempt. Your logic train jumped the tracks. It is OK however, the cars were ALL empty, and the locomotive was broken at the start. In Nature the fewer off spring allows greater resources for success. 1 child versus 6 children. So Andy has a channel to swim into Life's ocean. The 6 not as much. The HATE demonstrated here, is yours alone Leo.
Load More Replies... I am surprised everyone seems to think the dad is fully in the right. No, stepdad shouldn't have taken the car - but it is such a jerk move to buy his son such an expensive car when he knows his ex-wife's family is struggling for money. No 16 year old needs a car like that, even if the circumstances were different.
🤔And that's OP's problem, how? His money, his choice in spending it on his kid. He bought the car for a reason, enough said. As for his ex's new family, pretty sure they were struggling at just 3 kids before the 3 new additions. Long story short, not his circus not his monkeys. He's only responsible for the one he helped create.🤷♀️
Load More Replies... NTA, you bought the car the stepdad had no business taking it, especially without asking first. But you get a huge eyeroll for buying a 16years old a new (!) SUV (!). That is not only overkill but a slap in the face of his other family. You should have talked about this and found a compromise, that is how co-parenting works.
Why are so many people making a big deal about Andy's dad's generosity being a slap in the face to Andy's mom's other family? I honestly don't understand. Neither Andy nor his dad should have to lower their lifestyle because his mother/ ex-wife now has six kids! That's her choice, and it's kind of ridiculous to me that Andy's dad should buy the kind of car his mother can afford! It's an SUV, not a convertible sports car! He bought his son the best safe car he can afford; good for him!
Load More Replies... Funny every talks about insurance that siphons our money as we cry about gas prices as 99% of the time most of us dint even need to use the insurance... And ignores the pettiness and fact that if we were all like that dad the world be a real crappy place to live as people control what other people do with things that are thiers to loan out or even just trash and set fire to if they wanted or a parent thats actually there uses for something but no forget that they help your child and cause problems. Says alot about some people when they cause more problems than they solve.
What are you trying to actually say? Not following you.
Load More Replies... OP should take the car away during the time his son is at his moms house, then return it to his son once the visit is over. Broke a*s losers are always trying to get something for free rather than earn it.
Honestly the police would not do anything. This is a civil matter, not a criminal case. But it is extremely rude to use the car without permission.
Actually they would. The step father is not listed as the owner of the vehicle.
Load More Replies... The article said he took it without permission. The son told his dad the step dad didn't ask and took the keys.
Load More Replies... That's still not his responsibility and it's stated what the car is for. It's only for the son. If they didn't share a son and she was in the same situation, then what? You can't use people's things that do not belong to you - and especially act entitled when called out on it. If the step dad gets in an accident, guess which selfish prick has to pay for it? Surely step dad can't afford it or he wouldn't be driving the car in the first place. If finances are a problem, they need to look into that themselves. They chose to have all those children and that's just what comes with the territory.
Load More Replies... Might as well just offer Scott a pension so his income is equal to the op's. Giving in like that will only embolden them.
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