It takes guts to admit your mistakes. But it’s one of the most important steps in personal growth. Which means that Bridgette Anne Armstrong is on the right track. One and a half years ago, Brigette became a mother and as her child, Riley, was growing up, she realized how wrong she was to judge stay-at-home parents.
The Minnesota woman turned to Facebook to share what she learned, and her sincere words instantly struck a chord with everyone online. As of this article, the emotional post has accumulated over 31K reactions and 85K shares, and it perfectly describes the everyday struggles of a parent.
More info: Facebook
Image credits: Bridgette Anne
Image credits: Bridgette Anne
Image credits: Bridgette Anne
Bridgette believes that people are so judgemental when it comes to stay-at-home parents because it has no monetary value. “Therefore, people don’t see it as ‘work,'” she told Bored Panda. “There is such a stigma surrounding it, you know, that we just sit at home all day and put our kids in front of the TV and play around on our phones and that it’s not really hard work, but I don’t think people realize the isolation and loneliness that can come when the only human interaction you have is with a child for the majority of your time. It’s emotionally draining at times.”
However, the mom has found a way to win over these feelings. When she reaches a low point in her day, in this ‘stay-at-home-mom phase,’ Bridgette likes to tell herself that it’s temporary. “This is just a phase and it won’t last forever and surprisingly enough, I know there will come a time when I’ll miss this.” Kate Swenson would definitely agree!
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this experience, it’s that I am definitely not alone in feeling this way, however, I have come to see most people stay silent about these feelings in fear of what others will say,” Bridgette added. “I’m hoping this will start a conversation about the stigma that surrounds stay-at-home parents and just maybe allow others who do feel like this to feel like it’s OK to talk about it.”
Here’s how people responded to Bridgette’s honest post
Oh FFS, nowhere, and I mean nowhere at all is the message being sent that being a mom is easy. Why does everyone strive to be a victim these days?
My thoughts exactly. I'm so sick of parenthood martyrdom on social media. Sure, raising kids isn't the easiest thing in the world, it never has been. But if you expect someone to pat you on your back each time you change a diaper, maybe having children isn't for you.
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At an early age, I decided I never wanted to have children. I never regretted this decision. It is absolutely insane that people with children will read this article, agree with it, and then look down on childless adults.
Ive never thought so in fact i think less people should have kids.
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I will probably get downvoted and that is fine but I don't understand why these women act like they are the first women to be a stay at home mom. It happened for many years before these women came along. What I don't understand even more is why they are not getting help from their husbands. Unless these husbands are super busy, they should be helping with their children. If these women are struggling this much, they need to get some psychological help and stop going to social media to talk about it. My mom was a working mom and she was going to school to get her teacher's certification and while she was busy my dad took care of the household and the children. I don't remember my mom ever complaining about how doing all of this was so terrible or that she never had a moment to herself.
if they say they are getting help from others, they can't get the martyr points
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I dont understand these people. "No one helps" - unless you're a single parent which adds another layer of difficulty, shouldn't you talk about this with your companion?! It always sounds like these moms are by themselves, I wonder what kind of relationship/partners they have if they cant even find time to go to the bathrooms..
Well maybe he works a lot of OT to pay the bills? I constantly have my kids barging into the bathroom while im in there and they are nearly 6 and 4 now lol You kinda get used to it
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I know SAHM's. This level of depression is not normal. You need professional help dear.
I'm a stay at home dad. Never once have a screamed into a towel while hiding in the bathroom from my kids. We all have our own struggles, but I'm betting here's expend beyond parenthood.
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Same for people that say they now have no money, didn't realize how expensive a child would be.
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I think the problem with being a SAHM is that your job runs 24/7. If you have a job, your working day only lasts so many hours. But if you're a SAHM, you are at the will of your children at all times. That being said, I don't think many people are under the impression that being a mom is easy. She is definitely victimizing herself.
Women used to have more kids and run homes and even farms with far fewer labor-saving devices. The American approach to entertaining children is more extreme than many cultures. It should be possible take everything down a notch and add back some breathing space. NOT saying it's easy; it's not, but the ridiculous expectations are part of the problem.
Who are these people who 'look down on xyz'? Apparently they are everywhere, assaulting these victimised creatures at every turn. Or maybe not. Perhaps one or two, do. And lots of people are actually supportive and understanding. And the rest is your projection and shame you feel about yourself. I'm sure it's hard. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Children are hard. Childlessness is hard. Being single is hard. Well done for arriving at the conclusion that life isn't a fairytale. And be glad for the good bits.
Probably their spouses, which is why they are having such a hard time in the first place.
Load More Replies... Give me a break - I wonder how many pictures she took before she had the perfect one to post on social media. This is part of a new attention seeking trend by mothers . Whine and cry about how hard motherhood is and get all the attention you want - its like they had no idea that it might be difficult. Then some will even have more kids - more opportunities for attention I guess
Are you a stay at home mum? Do u even have kids. You’re so bitter!
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This sounds like a description of depression not motherhood. Motherhood is tough, but this is not description of being mother at all. My gradnmother had toddler and a baby (baby was my dad) at the begining of WW2 and she literally run with both children in her arms, almost been shot twice and survived with both children (had 3 more later). I am single mom for 12 years now, and I am working most of the time and I am also mom. being stay at home mom is not easy, being someone who work all day is absolutely not easy, or being working mom. Life is easy only in faked for social media "lives" and for really rich people (and maybe not even them). All this complaning is about something litterally all of us are doing our entire lives. And people without children have their challenges too, so do working moms. IT's not just you. Everyone has challenges.
Wow, Parenting, that thing human beings have been doing for since there was human beings. Poor baby, did someone make you reproduce?
Not everyone thinks that. When my daughter was about 6 months old, I had broken my hand and stayed home for 3 months with her. It didn't take long to discover that we need to get out of the house and interact with other adults without having to be tuned into your baby. Without a doubt, I loved it and ended up raising her after the end of the relationship, but I certainly had an understanding and appreciation of the difficulties involved. I was actually looking forward to getting back to my less difficult job.
I don't know what to think about post like that. It varies from mum to mum. I'm already 4 years at home, I have two children ( 4y and 3y) and I am pregnant again. Suicidal, right? :D and I am not really the kind of mother, that really enjoys being home, cooking, house keeping..... Oh some days I hate every corner here, and honestly? I am looking forward to get back to work :D It is definitely the hardest work I've ever done, but at the same time, most meaningful (well truth is I have to remind myself of that fact almost every day :D) I found a lot of new friends around my place (another mums at home and I sorted out the ones, that only talk about children and believe it or not, there are mothers that want to talk about arts, world, politics, minds) luckily never felt alone. Sure, I felt exhausted, ugly, hopeless :D parenting isn't easy. But hey, look at the spoiled world. Some one has to bring up some good people that will recycle, live cruelty free lives and be the change here :D :D
I'm a stay at home mother of 4 and I can tell you right now that it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's hard, yes. No one said it would be easy. NO ONE. But it's sooooo rewarding. I get to take care of my kids, my wonderful, beautiful, funny, perfect kids. And that's al I need. Stop complaining. For my oldest I had to work from when he was 1-3 and it was SOOOOOO hard not seeing him. I would take being "alone" (but not really) over not being able to see my kids the whole day any time.
Everyone I've ever talked to about kids says how hard it is, does everybody just think they'll get lucky and give birth to the only child ever that doesn't need help for everything?
Hang in there, it does get better. Someday, you'll look back on these times and wonder how you made it though. And, believe it or not, you'll miss it a little bit, too. - Stay at home dad for the first 3 years
Until they get one then realize they went out of their way to inflict misery upon themselves.
Load More Replies... She's arguing with her former self and making out it's what 'everyone' thought. Now she's screeching into an online klaxon for fake Internet points and self congratulation. She has said nothing profound nor universally true.
A bit of karma for her isn't it? You were a nasty judgmental cow and you got bit in the a*s, quite fitting. Just about everyone knows motherhood is tough work and lonely at times. Im thinking she posted online to get some attention. Girl you better buck up and get some coping skills. Take your kids out to parks, do painting with them, cuddle up and watch a movie together with some popcorn and juice. Go to tot romps, swimming with them at a public pool, whatever kids love it all. You need to change the way you think, and focus on having some fun with them instead of crying into a towel all the time.
I was SAHM about 1 year with my first child. And if you don't do an effort to meet other adults, yes, you can be a bit lonely. But honestly she's got one child. If she thinks that's hard work, try working AND having children, that's much harder. You have the exact same amount of house chores and homework and following children to soccer practice. She needs to grow up or seek help for depression.
It's only in the modern times this "Stay at home mom" term invented.. Women already doing all sort of work since ancient times, raising kids, cooking, cleaning, working in fields, feed farm animals etc.. As the technology minimized the time needed for most of the housework, women had more time in their hands but as most of the people around the world now live in cities and women became more educated they started to work in timed jobs like men .. The problem is unlike cooking, cleaning raising child still needs too much time because we want to raise a clever child, we can't do like our grand parents, they didn't spend this much time with kids because most didn't have that time.. Our dads were raised in streets, learned life slowly through environment but the streets aren't safe anymore, TV/Internet, apps there are many dangers while raising child so a parent should spend much time with his/her kids than before.. We have 3 kids, it was hard for my wife too, I tried my best to help her..
*Borat's voice* - In my country we send these woman 5 times a week to plough the fields all day, then mine the coal in the weekend. It makes them very happy, High Five!
oh boo f*****g hoo. Why should anyone feel sorry for you because you decided to have a kid and you realize, holy f*****g s**t, it's not easy? get over yourself and stop being a whiney little b***h.
Did someone put a gun to her head and force her to reproduce? I am not trying to be a c---, but seriously, lady. you are a parent, you are not working in a sweatshop for 20 hours a day making $1.25. Bless, lady - get daycare and go the f to work.
I raised 6 kids and did daycare as well. I've also worked at home in other ways, too - writing, editing, etc. Yes there were hard times, but mainly that was due to external circumstances. The one thing that really irked me (and still does) is that people assume that, since you're a stay at home mom, you have no schedule and unlimited free time to do errands, jobs, tasks or just be there for a long chat at their whim. I can understand when the doorbell rings and my hands are full of dough; but on the other hand, don't call me 2 weeks after I've had a baby to pick up your dry cleaning for you. Most people get it after a while, but there are always a few ...
No one's making anyone do it, so I dunno. Yeah it's a hard, boring and lonely job but surely we ALL know that now. It's optional too.
Another scenario: you wake up a couple of kids at a crack of dawn, prepare some snacks for them, while preparing to go to work, that is over an hour away. Drive kids to school and daycare, situated at opposite ends of town. Get to work. Work 8 hours - fast-paced job, as mortgage is not going to pay itself. Drive home, fighting rush hour traffic. Get home, greet kids, whip up dinner, rush to an activity. Get back. Clean up, throw in a load of laundry. Check calendar, make sure that all kids' appointments are well-marked, and you arranged ahead of time with your work to be able to accommodate them. And this way, for years and years. But hell, this is the life we choose having kids.
I had all these feelings for last six years. Since January I'm back to work. Only I wish now is I could go back to be stay at home mom, because I have still the same feelings but combined with work duties and stress.
I can see this describing one day but if she feels this way everyday she or one of her kids need professional help. I also think if she feels everyone judges stay at homes and doesn't appreciate them, that's another sign. I didn't get how you could be busy all day doing this, but after I stopped working after my kids were tweens/teens I realized how full the day could get- and they weren't babies anymore either!
So go to work. Obviously you are not built for stay at home, so don't. Do you honestly think destroying your mental health is somehow going to create a well-adjusted human being.
those F*cking instagram mom and publicity who present the stay at home mom Always good dressed, fresh makup, clean house, doing yoga, etc... f**k all that. it's the Reason they are so many fuckup depress mom at home who try to live by this FAKE standart. my wife stay at home and sometimie when i get home she just go to bed because she's tired. i took the house in charge during that time, because even if i'm tired she's too and need that break every now and then. because i know she'd do the same for me if i ask her.
Who is attacking SAHM so much? This woman needs professional help. Where is her husband? Is he a roommate that just comes and goes to work and back and not help her even with the small stuff? I mean, women have been staying at home raising the kids since the dawn of time. This isnt a new concept. I mean, we can all give her sympathy and empathy but at the end of the day, take control of your life. Seek help. Engage with your husband into helping. Join groups online and see how they deal with these issues. Find people in similar boats. Not sure what else I can say. I feel sorry for her.
I think some of these comments are overreacting. I have been a stay at home parent; and it IS HARD. Yes, there are people who think it is easy (believe me) and it is not. This lady is clearly stressed and is just voicing her opinion and just letting her feelings out. I can't fault her for that.
She has 1 child so NO it isn't hard. Boring and lonely yes. But not hard. She writes she can't go to the bathroom? Bollocks.
Load More Replies... Wow all of the comments are so bitter! And mostly from people who are NOT stay at home mums. Don’t judge a person if you’ve never walked in their shoes. Being a SAHM is hard and I’ve encountered people who don’t think it is, so it’s hard to be understood sometimes. Have some compassion jeez
To throw shade - it doesn't look like her partner would be a dynamite conversationalist.
I think this lady is feeling overwhelmed... Its hard being a parent period( working or not) if you are worth anything. Being a s****y parent isnt as hard.
Oh FFS, nowhere, and I mean nowhere at all is the message being sent that being a mom is easy. Why does everyone strive to be a victim these days?
My thoughts exactly. I'm so sick of parenthood martyrdom on social media. Sure, raising kids isn't the easiest thing in the world, it never has been. But if you expect someone to pat you on your back each time you change a diaper, maybe having children isn't for you.
Load More Replies... At an early age, I decided I never wanted to have children. I never regretted this decision. It is absolutely insane that people with children will read this article, agree with it, and then look down on childless adults.
Ive never thought so in fact i think less people should have kids.
Load More Replies... I will probably get downvoted and that is fine but I don't understand why these women act like they are the first women to be a stay at home mom. It happened for many years before these women came along. What I don't understand even more is why they are not getting help from their husbands. Unless these husbands are super busy, they should be helping with their children. If these women are struggling this much, they need to get some psychological help and stop going to social media to talk about it. My mom was a working mom and she was going to school to get her teacher's certification and while she was busy my dad took care of the household and the children. I don't remember my mom ever complaining about how doing all of this was so terrible or that she never had a moment to herself.
if they say they are getting help from others, they can't get the martyr points
Load More Replies... I dont understand these people. "No one helps" - unless you're a single parent which adds another layer of difficulty, shouldn't you talk about this with your companion?! It always sounds like these moms are by themselves, I wonder what kind of relationship/partners they have if they cant even find time to go to the bathrooms..
Well maybe he works a lot of OT to pay the bills? I constantly have my kids barging into the bathroom while im in there and they are nearly 6 and 4 now lol You kinda get used to it
Load More Replies... I know SAHM's. This level of depression is not normal. You need professional help dear.
I'm a stay at home dad. Never once have a screamed into a towel while hiding in the bathroom from my kids. We all have our own struggles, but I'm betting here's expend beyond parenthood.
Load More Replies... Same for people that say they now have no money, didn't realize how expensive a child would be.
Load More Replies... I think the problem with being a SAHM is that your job runs 24/7. If you have a job, your working day only lasts so many hours. But if you're a SAHM, you are at the will of your children at all times. That being said, I don't think many people are under the impression that being a mom is easy. She is definitely victimizing herself.
Women used to have more kids and run homes and even farms with far fewer labor-saving devices. The American approach to entertaining children is more extreme than many cultures. It should be possible take everything down a notch and add back some breathing space. NOT saying it's easy; it's not, but the ridiculous expectations are part of the problem.
Who are these people who 'look down on xyz'? Apparently they are everywhere, assaulting these victimised creatures at every turn. Or maybe not. Perhaps one or two, do. And lots of people are actually supportive and understanding. And the rest is your projection and shame you feel about yourself. I'm sure it's hard. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Children are hard. Childlessness is hard. Being single is hard. Well done for arriving at the conclusion that life isn't a fairytale. And be glad for the good bits.
Probably their spouses, which is why they are having such a hard time in the first place.
Load More Replies... Give me a break - I wonder how many pictures she took before she had the perfect one to post on social media. This is part of a new attention seeking trend by mothers . Whine and cry about how hard motherhood is and get all the attention you want - its like they had no idea that it might be difficult. Then some will even have more kids - more opportunities for attention I guess
Are you a stay at home mum? Do u even have kids. You’re so bitter!
Load More Replies... This sounds like a description of depression not motherhood. Motherhood is tough, but this is not description of being mother at all. My gradnmother had toddler and a baby (baby was my dad) at the begining of WW2 and she literally run with both children in her arms, almost been shot twice and survived with both children (had 3 more later). I am single mom for 12 years now, and I am working most of the time and I am also mom. being stay at home mom is not easy, being someone who work all day is absolutely not easy, or being working mom. Life is easy only in faked for social media "lives" and for really rich people (and maybe not even them). All this complaning is about something litterally all of us are doing our entire lives. And people without children have their challenges too, so do working moms. IT's not just you. Everyone has challenges.
Wow, Parenting, that thing human beings have been doing for since there was human beings. Poor baby, did someone make you reproduce?
Not everyone thinks that. When my daughter was about 6 months old, I had broken my hand and stayed home for 3 months with her. It didn't take long to discover that we need to get out of the house and interact with other adults without having to be tuned into your baby. Without a doubt, I loved it and ended up raising her after the end of the relationship, but I certainly had an understanding and appreciation of the difficulties involved. I was actually looking forward to getting back to my less difficult job.
I don't know what to think about post like that. It varies from mum to mum. I'm already 4 years at home, I have two children ( 4y and 3y) and I am pregnant again. Suicidal, right? :D and I am not really the kind of mother, that really enjoys being home, cooking, house keeping..... Oh some days I hate every corner here, and honestly? I am looking forward to get back to work :D It is definitely the hardest work I've ever done, but at the same time, most meaningful (well truth is I have to remind myself of that fact almost every day :D) I found a lot of new friends around my place (another mums at home and I sorted out the ones, that only talk about children and believe it or not, there are mothers that want to talk about arts, world, politics, minds) luckily never felt alone. Sure, I felt exhausted, ugly, hopeless :D parenting isn't easy. But hey, look at the spoiled world. Some one has to bring up some good people that will recycle, live cruelty free lives and be the change here :D :D
I'm a stay at home mother of 4 and I can tell you right now that it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's hard, yes. No one said it would be easy. NO ONE. But it's sooooo rewarding. I get to take care of my kids, my wonderful, beautiful, funny, perfect kids. And that's al I need. Stop complaining. For my oldest I had to work from when he was 1-3 and it was SOOOOOO hard not seeing him. I would take being "alone" (but not really) over not being able to see my kids the whole day any time.
Everyone I've ever talked to about kids says how hard it is, does everybody just think they'll get lucky and give birth to the only child ever that doesn't need help for everything?
Hang in there, it does get better. Someday, you'll look back on these times and wonder how you made it though. And, believe it or not, you'll miss it a little bit, too. - Stay at home dad for the first 3 years
Until they get one then realize they went out of their way to inflict misery upon themselves.
Load More Replies... She's arguing with her former self and making out it's what 'everyone' thought. Now she's screeching into an online klaxon for fake Internet points and self congratulation. She has said nothing profound nor universally true.
A bit of karma for her isn't it? You were a nasty judgmental cow and you got bit in the a*s, quite fitting. Just about everyone knows motherhood is tough work and lonely at times. Im thinking she posted online to get some attention. Girl you better buck up and get some coping skills. Take your kids out to parks, do painting with them, cuddle up and watch a movie together with some popcorn and juice. Go to tot romps, swimming with them at a public pool, whatever kids love it all. You need to change the way you think, and focus on having some fun with them instead of crying into a towel all the time.
I was SAHM about 1 year with my first child. And if you don't do an effort to meet other adults, yes, you can be a bit lonely. But honestly she's got one child. If she thinks that's hard work, try working AND having children, that's much harder. You have the exact same amount of house chores and homework and following children to soccer practice. She needs to grow up or seek help for depression.
It's only in the modern times this "Stay at home mom" term invented.. Women already doing all sort of work since ancient times, raising kids, cooking, cleaning, working in fields, feed farm animals etc.. As the technology minimized the time needed for most of the housework, women had more time in their hands but as most of the people around the world now live in cities and women became more educated they started to work in timed jobs like men .. The problem is unlike cooking, cleaning raising child still needs too much time because we want to raise a clever child, we can't do like our grand parents, they didn't spend this much time with kids because most didn't have that time.. Our dads were raised in streets, learned life slowly through environment but the streets aren't safe anymore, TV/Internet, apps there are many dangers while raising child so a parent should spend much time with his/her kids than before.. We have 3 kids, it was hard for my wife too, I tried my best to help her..
*Borat's voice* - In my country we send these woman 5 times a week to plough the fields all day, then mine the coal in the weekend. It makes them very happy, High Five!
oh boo f*****g hoo. Why should anyone feel sorry for you because you decided to have a kid and you realize, holy f*****g s**t, it's not easy? get over yourself and stop being a whiney little b***h.
Did someone put a gun to her head and force her to reproduce? I am not trying to be a c---, but seriously, lady. you are a parent, you are not working in a sweatshop for 20 hours a day making $1.25. Bless, lady - get daycare and go the f to work.
I raised 6 kids and did daycare as well. I've also worked at home in other ways, too - writing, editing, etc. Yes there were hard times, but mainly that was due to external circumstances. The one thing that really irked me (and still does) is that people assume that, since you're a stay at home mom, you have no schedule and unlimited free time to do errands, jobs, tasks or just be there for a long chat at their whim. I can understand when the doorbell rings and my hands are full of dough; but on the other hand, don't call me 2 weeks after I've had a baby to pick up your dry cleaning for you. Most people get it after a while, but there are always a few ...
No one's making anyone do it, so I dunno. Yeah it's a hard, boring and lonely job but surely we ALL know that now. It's optional too.
Another scenario: you wake up a couple of kids at a crack of dawn, prepare some snacks for them, while preparing to go to work, that is over an hour away. Drive kids to school and daycare, situated at opposite ends of town. Get to work. Work 8 hours - fast-paced job, as mortgage is not going to pay itself. Drive home, fighting rush hour traffic. Get home, greet kids, whip up dinner, rush to an activity. Get back. Clean up, throw in a load of laundry. Check calendar, make sure that all kids' appointments are well-marked, and you arranged ahead of time with your work to be able to accommodate them. And this way, for years and years. But hell, this is the life we choose having kids.
I had all these feelings for last six years. Since January I'm back to work. Only I wish now is I could go back to be stay at home mom, because I have still the same feelings but combined with work duties and stress.
I can see this describing one day but if she feels this way everyday she or one of her kids need professional help. I also think if she feels everyone judges stay at homes and doesn't appreciate them, that's another sign. I didn't get how you could be busy all day doing this, but after I stopped working after my kids were tweens/teens I realized how full the day could get- and they weren't babies anymore either!
So go to work. Obviously you are not built for stay at home, so don't. Do you honestly think destroying your mental health is somehow going to create a well-adjusted human being.
those F*cking instagram mom and publicity who present the stay at home mom Always good dressed, fresh makup, clean house, doing yoga, etc... f**k all that. it's the Reason they are so many fuckup depress mom at home who try to live by this FAKE standart. my wife stay at home and sometimie when i get home she just go to bed because she's tired. i took the house in charge during that time, because even if i'm tired she's too and need that break every now and then. because i know she'd do the same for me if i ask her.
Who is attacking SAHM so much? This woman needs professional help. Where is her husband? Is he a roommate that just comes and goes to work and back and not help her even with the small stuff? I mean, women have been staying at home raising the kids since the dawn of time. This isnt a new concept. I mean, we can all give her sympathy and empathy but at the end of the day, take control of your life. Seek help. Engage with your husband into helping. Join groups online and see how they deal with these issues. Find people in similar boats. Not sure what else I can say. I feel sorry for her.
I think some of these comments are overreacting. I have been a stay at home parent; and it IS HARD. Yes, there are people who think it is easy (believe me) and it is not. This lady is clearly stressed and is just voicing her opinion and just letting her feelings out. I can't fault her for that.
She has 1 child so NO it isn't hard. Boring and lonely yes. But not hard. She writes she can't go to the bathroom? Bollocks.
Load More Replies... Wow all of the comments are so bitter! And mostly from people who are NOT stay at home mums. Don’t judge a person if you’ve never walked in their shoes. Being a SAHM is hard and I’ve encountered people who don’t think it is, so it’s hard to be understood sometimes. Have some compassion jeez
To throw shade - it doesn't look like her partner would be a dynamite conversationalist.
I think this lady is feeling overwhelmed... Its hard being a parent period( working or not) if you are worth anything. Being a s****y parent isnt as hard.
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