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30 People Share “Social Customs” That Are Outdated, Toxic And Should Be Retired
In some areas, the world can change very fast but in others, it can lag behind. It sounds cliché, I know, but it's true.
Whether we're talking about the Western World or any other place, each society has its own problems and shortcomings. Discussing these delicate subjects isn't easy, either. Emotions can heat up such arguments very fast.
But it looks like Twitter user @ewgraiam found a way to get people together for a civilized chat: they asked nicely and offered a microphone. Turns out, it was all they needed to talk in peace about all the cultural things that could be changed to make the world a better place.
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According to one study, published in Nature Human Behaviour, people tend to copy other people's choices, even when they know that those people did not make their choices freely, and when the decision does not reflect their own actual preferences. That's how powerful social norms can be.
Imagine you have witnessed a man rob a bank but then he gives the stolen money to an orphanage. Do you call the police or leave the robber be, so the orphanage can keep the money?
Researchers posed this moral dilemma to 150 participants recruited online in their first experiment. But before people made their choice, the researchers also presented information about how similar participants in a previous experiment had imagined acting during this scenario.
Tipping is Ok as long as it represents your appreciation for how will the server did. It should not be your mandatory contribution to the income of a worker because their boss can't be arsed to pay them a decent wage.
"Half of our participants were told that most other people had imagined reporting the robber. The remaining half were told that most other people had imagined not calling the police," Campbell Pryor and Piers Howe, the co-authors of the study, said.
"Crucially, however, we made it clear to our participants that these norms did not reflect people's preferences. Instead, the norm was said to have occurred due to some faulty code in the experiment that randomly allocated the previous participants to imagining reporting or not reporting the robber."
However, the participants followed the social norms of the previous people, even though they knew they were entirely arbitrary and did not reflect anyone's actual choices.
I remember as a child my mother whipping me until I was covered in big red welts all over my arms and legs because she was told by a neighbour that I was in a house that was being built with some other kids and we made a big mess. I screamed at that it wasn't me and that I was at another friend's house all afternoon but she wouldn't listen. After she had finished with me I ran out to my friends house and asked her mother to tell my mother that I was with them. She did. She explained that the girl the neighbour saw was the back of another girl who had the same hair as me long and brown and was around the same age. All my mother said was "oh, well that's alright then". She never apologised or said anything else. I was in real pain for days afterwards. But she really didn't care. day
"A series of subsequent experiments, involving 631 new participants recruited online, showed that this result was robust. It held over different participants and different moral dilemmas. It was not caused by our participants not understanding that the norm was entirely arbitrary," the researchers explained.
Whether or not this is a good thing largely depends on the situation. For instance, social norms are being used to encourage pro-social behavior and have been successfully used to promote healthy eating, increase attendance at doctor appointments, reduce tax evasion, increase towel reuse at hotels, decrease long-term energy use, and increase organ donor registrations.
Boys will be boys is meant to be a light-hearted acceptance of boys immediately getting mud all over their new trousers, and stuff like that. Anyone who uses it to excuse boys inappropriate behaviour is an idiot.
The customer is rarely right and is usually an idiot. I told all my staff the moment I became manager "you are not paid to take abuse, refer them to me and i'll kick them out, i'm a salaried manager and I'M paid to deal with that nonsense, not you".
If it's Gods will for kids to suffer and die of starvation, cancer etc then God is a f*****g Sadist. I HATE it when people say s**t like that, heard it many times after an ectopic pregnancy.
studied psychology & behavioral science in college so learned many 'disciplines' in those fields. while i am not a fan of freud, one thing he did write that i totally agree with is this: "the greatest injustice we do to our children is not to teach them the power of sex". just because a parent(s) are uncomfortable talking about sex doesn't mean that their children don't need to know about it at a fairly early age. this would not only protect them but also make them understand that they need to respect their body as well as others and to prepare them to be responsible when it comes to sex. stop teaching people to be ashamed of the what is a biological act and calling it something dirty.
I actually like the idea of school uniforms. All schools in Australia have their own uniforms and we almost never hear about the incidences mentioned above. We mainly hear about private schools and the fact many of them require girls to wear skirts, NO pants. That should definitely change.
I have always taught my children to respect their elders, BUT I have also taught my children that just because they are an elder doesn't make them right. You can disagree with them but be respectful in your manner and words and if they get upset, scream at you or say derogatory things you are well within your rights to walk away.
My husband's former boss would not hire anyone with facial tattoos or piercings (hair he didn't care about so much.) His reasoning was that some of his senior citizen customers might feel uncomfortable around them. I could see that...but at the same time...just because they got those done doesn't make them bad people or workers. I can understand it being unnerving.
Some of his senior customers might also be uncomfortable with black people. Doesn't mean they shouldn't hire black people.
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Perception matters in the corporate world. And actions have consequences. Pretty simple concepts here.
It's that perception that is being questioned in this post. Does having blue and pink stripes in your hair make you a less capable data entry monkey? No - so why should corporate HQ care, especially when it's not even a customer facing role?
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There's 2 sides to this coin: if you want people to respect your opinion (to have/not have colored hair, piercings and tattoos) then you have to respect others' opinions regarding those things. And don't say "Oh, I would NEVER...!" - Most will pass judgement on other choices one might make like personal hygiene and choice of clothing. Go ahead, get your forehead inked and dye your hair whatever color you like. Don't blame others if a company decides that look doesn't match the type of person they're looking to hire - just like you have your freedom, so do they.
Especially if hair or tattoos happen to be their career. In those cases, they are walking billboards for their businesses, and if they look good they’ll profit. In other lines of work, as long as the tats aren’t offensive (foul language or imagery such as swastikas), and the hair is clean, there should be no issue. Basic hygiene should be a given. However, job performance should be the main factor. If Sasquatch is a genius at whatever my company does, all I would ask is that he take a daily shower, and make good use of soap, shampoo, and conditioner. I would also defend him and his abilities to the moon and back if anyone complained about his appearance.
Many years ago in my town, this 16-year-old kid decided to express himself by dying his hair blue. He got told at his job to never come back. Because hair color affects how you do your job right?
No, but it does show your ability to think about consequences before you make decisions
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As a professional event tech featuring several ear rings, visible tattoos, long hair undercut hairstyle and a full beard in a professional event&conferenc location i can tell you: It's changing. At least, in Germany it is.
If someone was hiring for looks and grooming, they could miss out on a lot of talent.
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I worked as a teachers assistant for 11 years with many facial piercings. 2 neck tattoos. Several other visible tattoos. My ear lobes stretched past 1-1/2". A split tongue. A variety of hair colors. My boss told me she didn't care how I looked as long as I did my job well. The parents didn't care either. It depends more how well you do your job.
"Your qualifications and skills are exactly what we need...but that freckle on your chin is scaring us"
I'm sorry but if I am having surgery I certainly don't want my surgeon looking freaky with piercings all over and tattoo face. Also if my hairdresser doesn't care what they look like why would they care about my appearance. You are the representation of your job and it does play a part in a person's choices. I don't care how you live your life but also remember it is my choice who I trust doing business with.
Is this a question for us or are you the one with the problem? If someone is a professional, I honestly don't care what they look like. I'm not paying them for their appearance, but what they can do for me.
I'm a fat old lady. In my 60's I decided to get a tattoo. I'm 78 now. I have 6.
in one workplace, we were not allowed unnatural hair colours. One gal had just done her hair with a frosted pink and she was sent home til it was changed. Facial piercings were definitely a no no, and when a male employee was told to take out an earring, he complained about how it was unfair that girls could wear them but not men, so it became a new rule that no one could. My hair was long enough that it covered my ears and no one every bothered me about that, but yea...now that I am out of there, my hair has been all sorts of fun colours and I even got a wrist tat!
i wouldnt hire anyone with visible tattoos. they look dirty
Seems some stores have a problem with my lack of piercings and tattoos..Oh, and my age. I'm too old and not decorated enough to sell legal weed...
Back in the 60s when both males and females were letting their hair grow longer, many places wouldn't hire them especially the males. Females were fired when their pregnancies started to show. Oh and earrings on men. Lots of other crap! Nothing much has changed, especially the perception of "if I don't like it, it must be wrong and I can't allow it around me."
I'm glad that my boss hired me even with my tats and piercings and ever changing hair. I don't think the external is really a factor on how you perform at your job.
I'm 15 years into a professional career, complete with tattoos, and even a nose piercing for a while. It has NEVER held me back. I wouldn't work for a firm that did not allow them. And I have the option to refuse on those grounds because there is plenty of work in my field out there.
Exactly. It has nothing to do with their abilities and qualifications etc.
I'd question it if their tattoo said "f- the police" and was misspelled prominently on their forehead as this suggests a lack of judgment. But bright pink hair, multiple piercings that in no way affect their ability to interact with clients? Add colour and interest to the world - bring it on!
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When I turn 18 I want to get a matching tattoo with my mom and my dad is like no one will ever hire you because thats super unprofessional and you will regret it for the rest of your life like what? People wont hire me because I love my mom? Its not like I want a giant skull and crossbones on my forehead
because? I've been working from home being totally professional and doing an excellent job while wearing shorts and a t-shirt and messed up hair. your appearance doesn't actually affect your ability.
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Netherlands: "Working 38 hours per week is too stressful and leaves us with almost no free time. We're switching to 30 hours per week."
My mother once chewed out my oldest brother for not giving our Grandmother a hug and kiss. She was dying from a rare blood cancer and was down to 90 lbs. It's scary for a 9 year old to see that and no one ever sat down with him to explain what was going on with her. He reluctantly gave her a hug and kiss and ran out of the room. It made my Grandmother cry. I don't think he ever got over the guilt of how she cried. I told him several times that it was not his fault.
Actually...most of the commercials I see have people sacked out and sleeping.
I was super impressed by my husband's aunt when her teenage son discussed politics with her. She disagreed with him, but ever so respectfully. She calmly and firmly gave her rebuttals. My parents would have pretty much told me to shut up and that I don't know what I'm talking about.
And who decided that hugging another man is considered cheating on your boyfriend. I hug my friends because I care about them...not because I want to sleep with them.
There's a flip side to this, where you end up with 27 year olds still living at home with mommy doing their laundry, not because rent is too expensive, but because their parents have enabled them to feel like they are their little angel forever. At 18 you should be able to *want* to move out without feeling like you *need* to move out, and know you are able to function in society while knowing you have support for the things you don't know yet.
maybe they are old and don't know what they are talking about but you can still be respectful in your manner and words and you have every right to walk away as well. I just get angry when I see someone screaming in the face of an elderly person. Also they grew up in a different time, many say things that they don't understand could be considered rude or racist. I had a conversation with a much older man and he called a certain Asian group a term I considered derogatory. I stopped him and said that word isn't acceptable anymore and you should not use that, please use this instead. He stopped and said well that's what we called them and I said I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate being called that and if you want to continue this conversation you can't use that word again. He kept talking and then stopped and said what word am I supposed to use again? He tried! If he had said the inappropriate word again I would've just walked away.
Note: this post originally had 46 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
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This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
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Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
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Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
Load More Replies... This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
Load More Replies... Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
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