120Kviews
30 People Share “Social Customs” That Are Outdated, Toxic And Should Be Retired
In some areas, the world can change very fast but in others, it can lag behind. It sounds cliché, I know, but it's true.
Whether we're talking about the Western World or any other place, each society has its own problems and shortcomings. Discussing these delicate subjects isn't easy, either. Emotions can heat up such arguments very fast.
But it looks like Twitter user @ewgraiam found a way to get people together for a civilized chat: they asked nicely and offered a microphone. Turns out, it was all they needed to talk in peace about all the cultural things that could be changed to make the world a better place.
This post may include affiliate links.
According to one study, published in Nature Human Behaviour, people tend to copy other people's choices, even when they know that those people did not make their choices freely, and when the decision does not reflect their own actual preferences. That's how powerful social norms can be.
Imagine you have witnessed a man rob a bank but then he gives the stolen money to an orphanage. Do you call the police or leave the robber be, so the orphanage can keep the money?
Researchers posed this moral dilemma to 150 participants recruited online in their first experiment. But before people made their choice, the researchers also presented information about how similar participants in a previous experiment had imagined acting during this scenario.
Tipping is Ok as long as it represents your appreciation for how will the server did. It should not be your mandatory contribution to the income of a worker because their boss can't be arsed to pay them a decent wage.
"Half of our participants were told that most other people had imagined reporting the robber. The remaining half were told that most other people had imagined not calling the police," Campbell Pryor and Piers Howe, the co-authors of the study, said.
"Crucially, however, we made it clear to our participants that these norms did not reflect people's preferences. Instead, the norm was said to have occurred due to some faulty code in the experiment that randomly allocated the previous participants to imagining reporting or not reporting the robber."
However, the participants followed the social norms of the previous people, even though they knew they were entirely arbitrary and did not reflect anyone's actual choices.
I remember as a child my mother whipping me until I was covered in big red welts all over my arms and legs because she was told by a neighbour that I was in a house that was being built with some other kids and we made a big mess. I screamed at that it wasn't me and that I was at another friend's house all afternoon but she wouldn't listen. After she had finished with me I ran out to my friends house and asked her mother to tell my mother that I was with them. She did. She explained that the girl the neighbour saw was the back of another girl who had the same hair as me long and brown and was around the same age. All my mother said was "oh, well that's alright then". She never apologised or said anything else. I was in real pain for days afterwards. But she really didn't care. day
"A series of subsequent experiments, involving 631 new participants recruited online, showed that this result was robust. It held over different participants and different moral dilemmas. It was not caused by our participants not understanding that the norm was entirely arbitrary," the researchers explained.
Whether or not this is a good thing largely depends on the situation. For instance, social norms are being used to encourage pro-social behavior and have been successfully used to promote healthy eating, increase attendance at doctor appointments, reduce tax evasion, increase towel reuse at hotels, decrease long-term energy use, and increase organ donor registrations.
Boys will be boys is meant to be a light-hearted acceptance of boys immediately getting mud all over their new trousers, and stuff like that. Anyone who uses it to excuse boys inappropriate behaviour is an idiot.
The customer is rarely right and is usually an idiot. I told all my staff the moment I became manager "you are not paid to take abuse, refer them to me and i'll kick them out, i'm a salaried manager and I'M paid to deal with that nonsense, not you".
If it's Gods will for kids to suffer and die of starvation, cancer etc then God is a f*****g Sadist. I HATE it when people say s**t like that, heard it many times after an ectopic pregnancy.
studied psychology & behavioral science in college so learned many 'disciplines' in those fields. while i am not a fan of freud, one thing he did write that i totally agree with is this: "the greatest injustice we do to our children is not to teach them the power of sex". just because a parent(s) are uncomfortable talking about sex doesn't mean that their children don't need to know about it at a fairly early age. this would not only protect them but also make them understand that they need to respect their body as well as others and to prepare them to be responsible when it comes to sex. stop teaching people to be ashamed of the what is a biological act and calling it something dirty.
I actually like the idea of school uniforms. All schools in Australia have their own uniforms and we almost never hear about the incidences mentioned above. We mainly hear about private schools and the fact many of them require girls to wear skirts, NO pants. That should definitely change.
I have always taught my children to respect their elders, BUT I have also taught my children that just because they are an elder doesn't make them right. You can disagree with them but be respectful in your manner and words and if they get upset, scream at you or say derogatory things you are well within your rights to walk away.
My husband's former boss would not hire anyone with facial tattoos or piercings (hair he didn't care about so much.) His reasoning was that some of his senior citizen customers might feel uncomfortable around them. I could see that...but at the same time...just because they got those done doesn't make them bad people or workers. I can understand it being unnerving.
Netherlands: "Working 38 hours per week is too stressful and leaves us with almost no free time. We're switching to 30 hours per week."
My mother once chewed out my oldest brother for not giving our Grandmother a hug and kiss. She was dying from a rare blood cancer and was down to 90 lbs. It's scary for a 9 year old to see that and no one ever sat down with him to explain what was going on with her. He reluctantly gave her a hug and kiss and ran out of the room. It made my Grandmother cry. I don't think he ever got over the guilt of how she cried. I told him several times that it was not his fault.
Actually...most of the commercials I see have people sacked out and sleeping.
I was super impressed by my husband's aunt when her teenage son discussed politics with her. She disagreed with him, but ever so respectfully. She calmly and firmly gave her rebuttals. My parents would have pretty much told me to shut up and that I don't know what I'm talking about.
And who decided that hugging another man is considered cheating on your boyfriend. I hug my friends because I care about them...not because I want to sleep with them.
There's a flip side to this, where you end up with 27 year olds still living at home with mommy doing their laundry, not because rent is too expensive, but because their parents have enabled them to feel like they are their little angel forever. At 18 you should be able to *want* to move out without feeling like you *need* to move out, and know you are able to function in society while knowing you have support for the things you don't know yet.
Why is that a problem? Why do people have to move out? Honestly THIS is another mentality to discard. Many cultures have family living in the same out for generations.
Load More Replies...
Our oldest has "boomeranged" three times, and we were happy to help; each was part of a life-change for her as she moved onward and upward ie returning from year overseas teaching, switching uni's from masters to PhD, birth of our grandson. She was very capable of taking care of herself, but we offered to make the change process easier.
I was lucky. I moved to another city as soon as I hit 16. My parents have always supported me and been there for me whenever I needed them. I agree with the sentiment here - why have kids if you're desperate to get rid of them at the first opportunity? Family should come first.
Agreed. Legally you're an adult in Scotland at 16. 2weeks before my 16th birthday my family told me to get out, didn't care where I went, just that they didn't want to care for me anymore. 15yrs old and standing on the street with all your belongings in 2 black bags....so many people shouldn't be allowed to be parents.
It does, but not every kid. In my country, this doesn't happen, but I have a lot of online friends who are genuinely nice humans and we have their parents just be like, "yes you are 18, we ain't even helping you anymore, go figure. We won't provide a dollar to you, and your stuff is waiting outside" type attitude, what I'm tryna say is, not every kid deserves this, and not every kid is nice either, it depends
Load More Replies... 
Haha they don't want to be accountable anymore but they want to be intrusive. "You're still my daughter" yeah surw
Basing independence solely on someone's age is too arbitrary. As long as they are pulling their own weight by doing chores, paying towards rent, maintaining orderliness/cleanliness, this shouldn't be an issue.
Being a parent never ends. Me financially supporting you might, though. My son just turned 41 and he's still my blue eyed baby boy. But money - oh, hell no. I'm getting old - you should be sending ME money!
If you think being a parent is just financially supporting your kid, you are very wrong. One can still be a parent and not pay their kid's rent or phone bill if the kid is old enough to do it on their own. I moved out of my parents' place when I was 18 and never regretted it. I'd like my kid also to move out when she goes to college - I think it is a healthy part of growing up and learning to be on your own. Parents will not be around forever - kids need to learn how to live without relying on their folk.
My husband's mom has definitely said on more than one occasion "not my problem, I was done when you turned 18." I couldn't imagine ever turning my kids away. One of my kids is about to turn 18 and he knows he always has a home with me if his plans don't work out.
I don't think this happens much here in Germany, it is not unusual to stay home until you have finished university. Why should you pay for an expensive flat if you have a room at home?
Most people in the world still live in generational homes. The American, gotta leave at 18 is strange. You basically throw away everything your parents and grandparents worked for and start over. Then throw your parents in an old folks home and sell their property to pay for it.
I think this is more of a legal thing, because responsibility ends at 18. But I don't know anyone who actually waited until then unless they hated each other. Staying until the kid is capable of full independence seems to be the norm. Where I live 16 is the minimum age for full employment hours so lots of people do it then. Others wait until they can afford it after high school or college.
I dunno. I'm counting down the days I still have left to make my kids able to be independent human beings. You don't expect kids to be dependent on you for life, right? There's a goal of independence to work towards. Not saying I won't support them over 18, just that I get how people talk about making sure they can support themselves by then.
Grandchildren born in 1997, 1998 and 2001 living at home with mom and dad. Everybody works. Everybody also cooks, washes dishes, does laundry, buys groceries, the boys do not pay rent but they do contribute to other costs i.e. internet, electricity, food, and their own phones. It works.
In Europe children live with their parents until they are about 24/25. They are not forced out of the home at 18..
Everyone needs to leave the nest at some point. Most kids look forward to their independence.
I know a family with 3 "kids" still living at home. All work part time, laze around watching TV and eating all afternoon and evening and do nothing around the house. They even pay a guy to mow the lawns. They are aged male 44, female 42 and femake 38! They all complain they have no money.
Ditto but I blame the parents for putting up with it. Know lots of families with kids at home who work but spend their money on ake up instead of fabric conditioner.
Load More Replies...
At 18, you dang well better be not needing your parents to support you in any way financially.
Here your parents have to pay for your living costs till mid-twenties if you do not have worked/had job training (university or 2-3 years tradeschool/on job training)
you have to put a limit, at some point your life will be in your hand. and for a parent day a child becomes and adult is a source of pride. if you did your homework the kid should be able to fly...is just a necessity to put a time limit
Yes but what is so magically about 18 years? It is not linked to some sort of magic so everybody reach the goal post at precisely that day the turn 18. Like with all other kind of development it is a gradual process that someone will complete a little faster and someone will take a little longer to complete. It feels rather mechanistic to link it to a specific age, and use an egg timer to decide when to cut the support.
Load More Replies...
maybe they are old and don't know what they are talking about but you can still be respectful in your manner and words and you have every right to walk away as well. I just get angry when I see someone screaming in the face of an elderly person. Also they grew up in a different time, many say things that they don't understand could be considered rude or racist. I had a conversation with a much older man and he called a certain Asian group a term I considered derogatory. I stopped him and said that word isn't acceptable anymore and you should not use that, please use this instead. He stopped and said well that's what we called them and I said I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate being called that and if you want to continue this conversation you can't use that word again. He kept talking and then stopped and said what word am I supposed to use again? He tried! If he had said the inappropriate word again I would've just walked away.
Note: this post originally had 46 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
Load More Replies...
This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
Load More Replies...
Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
Load More Replies... Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
Load More Replies... This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
Load More Replies... Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
Load More Replies...