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30 People Share “Social Customs” That Are Outdated, Toxic And Should Be Retired
In some areas, the world can change very fast but in others, it can lag behind. It sounds cliché, I know, but it's true.
Whether we're talking about the Western World or any other place, each society has its own problems and shortcomings. Discussing these delicate subjects isn't easy, either. Emotions can heat up such arguments very fast.
But it looks like Twitter user @ewgraiam found a way to get people together for a civilized chat: they asked nicely and offered a microphone. Turns out, it was all they needed to talk in peace about all the cultural things that could be changed to make the world a better place.
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According to one study, published in Nature Human Behaviour, people tend to copy other people's choices, even when they know that those people did not make their choices freely, and when the decision does not reflect their own actual preferences. That's how powerful social norms can be.
Imagine you have witnessed a man rob a bank but then he gives the stolen money to an orphanage. Do you call the police or leave the robber be, so the orphanage can keep the money?
Researchers posed this moral dilemma to 150 participants recruited online in their first experiment. But before people made their choice, the researchers also presented information about how similar participants in a previous experiment had imagined acting during this scenario.
Tipping is Ok as long as it represents your appreciation for how will the server did. It should not be your mandatory contribution to the income of a worker because their boss can't be arsed to pay them a decent wage.
"Half of our participants were told that most other people had imagined reporting the robber. The remaining half were told that most other people had imagined not calling the police," Campbell Pryor and Piers Howe, the co-authors of the study, said.
"Crucially, however, we made it clear to our participants that these norms did not reflect people's preferences. Instead, the norm was said to have occurred due to some faulty code in the experiment that randomly allocated the previous participants to imagining reporting or not reporting the robber."
However, the participants followed the social norms of the previous people, even though they knew they were entirely arbitrary and did not reflect anyone's actual choices.
I remember as a child my mother whipping me until I was covered in big red welts all over my arms and legs because she was told by a neighbour that I was in a house that was being built with some other kids and we made a big mess. I screamed at that it wasn't me and that I was at another friend's house all afternoon but she wouldn't listen. After she had finished with me I ran out to my friends house and asked her mother to tell my mother that I was with them. She did. She explained that the girl the neighbour saw was the back of another girl who had the same hair as me long and brown and was around the same age. All my mother said was "oh, well that's alright then". She never apologised or said anything else. I was in real pain for days afterwards. But she really didn't care. day
"A series of subsequent experiments, involving 631 new participants recruited online, showed that this result was robust. It held over different participants and different moral dilemmas. It was not caused by our participants not understanding that the norm was entirely arbitrary," the researchers explained.
Whether or not this is a good thing largely depends on the situation. For instance, social norms are being used to encourage pro-social behavior and have been successfully used to promote healthy eating, increase attendance at doctor appointments, reduce tax evasion, increase towel reuse at hotels, decrease long-term energy use, and increase organ donor registrations.
Boys will be boys is meant to be a light-hearted acceptance of boys immediately getting mud all over their new trousers, and stuff like that. Anyone who uses it to excuse boys inappropriate behaviour is an idiot.
The customer is rarely right and is usually an idiot. I told all my staff the moment I became manager "you are not paid to take abuse, refer them to me and i'll kick them out, i'm a salaried manager and I'M paid to deal with that nonsense, not you".
I had a teacher that wouldn't give breaks many years ago, I begged to be excused but was refused, accidentally threw up at her desk when I couldn't hold it in anymore, got detention for that.
I have read and heard of too many incidences where a student has urinated or leaked menstrual blood because a teacher wouldn't let them go to the loo. Just not on.
Yep, me.. in first grade. (peed in my chair, not the other!) She wasn't being mean, I was just shy and she had said "no interruptions unless it's an emergency". I didn't know that having to go to the bathroom was called an "emergency". Silly me!!
Load More Replies...When my little brother was about 7 he asked to go to the restroom several times and the teacher refused. Eventually he just stood up, unzipped his pants and pissed all over the floor. When the principal called my parents my mom just said “what was he supposed to do?” No answer.
My daughter starting peeing her pants again in 2nd grade thanks to her art teacher.
So sorry to hear that. Some so-called teachers should not be around children in any capacity.
Load More Replies...I'm in 8th grade rn. We have a teacher who gives us two bathroom passes every quarter. Each quarter is two months long. I have already used one if my passes because I forgot something in my backpack. Guess I just can't have to pee 🤷
I'm in 8th grade too and that's just f****d up... Especially for people like my school who like to take a shitload of exams and I have this exam anxiety sort of thing. I need some alone time to cool down. If I start panicking infront of my class, they all just rush to me and just you know stand there, it increases my anxiety, so yeah, this should officially be banned. Like what if we are on our period?
Load More Replies...honestly if I was busting I wouldn't be able to focus on the entire lesson, so why can't I spend 5 mins to go to the toilet
Because 5 minutes is all the time you have to get from a class,to your locker (if your lucky) and to the next class. Might be able to make if you just gotta piss, if you gotta crap, just give up.
Load More Replies...Always taught my kids to just walk out if a teacher said no.... I would deal with any crap after that. Never had a problem
I went to an all girls catholic high school in the '80s. One day I asked the teacher if I could go to the ladies room, and she said no. I said please, I have really bad allergies right now and I need to be excused. She said no, here's a box of tissues right here on my desk! I said I'm sorry, my mother taught me that it's impolite to blow your nose in front of people, and walked out. When I returned tom my classroom the teacher was in the middle of crying and complaining to the whole class about how kids are so disrespectful these days.
Load More Replies...In which country? If a Dutch teacher would do that they wouldn't be in class anymore. They would be doing some administrative job until the judge gave the OK to fire them.
I find this weird... unless it is a exam situation where only one could leave the room at a time I never had this issue.
As a former teacher and current healthcare provider I totally agree.
I had teachers who wouldn't let me go even after a doctors not explaining that I had medical problems so I'd need to go to the loo regularly
I've never encountered this as a student, but it doesn't surprise me. I just can't envision myself, even as a child, quietly wetting myself and enduring that humiliation because of a teacher's idiotic need for control.
I had a teacher like that in high school. Sitting at my desk I realized (quite suddenly) that I had "started". I just got up and walked out. I'm 15 f*cking years old, I don't need your permission to go to the restroom to attend to my personal female issues. Yeah, got called into the principal's office (a man). When I said the word "period" I was instantly dismissed. We all pretty much know when we need to use the restroom from the time we're potty trained, and unless you're going (to try) to physically restrain me, I will go whenever the hell I need to.
Sorry, not sorry. I told my kids to ask politely, but to quietly leave if they needed to and were denied.
Medic driver told me he doesn't do restroom stops on our four hour trip to the hospital. I replied "oh, that's okay, I'll just pee here in the seat".
Not being able to go to bathroom didn’t end well for Tycho Brahe…
Just cruel to the kid who needs to go and cruelto the teacher if it's just a ruse!
My first teaching experience, there wasn't a chair for teacher in ANY CLASSROOM. I taught 7 lectures in an 8 lectures shift without sitting, be it on my periods, hundry, or pregnant. The principal would punish if she sees or gets report of any teacher sitting in class Ps: that rule changed after 4 months I joined, i brought it up in a board room meeting with higher management, the staff thanks me till date, it was 6 years ago. The principal still hates my name. Won't hire anyone named Sidra
You can thank every student who abuses bathroom breaks. Spending 40 of 47 minutes in bathroom every day is skipping class not taking care of business.
It depends on the age level and maturity of the kid. As someone who taught for 26 years, 20 of those in middle school, some kids want to get out of class EVERY SINGLE DAY, and sometimes they ditch. Or they text, and meet to fight in bathrooms, or vape, or smoke weed. Really, really depends on the kid, who they know, and what they're doing.
If you’re a female or have a menstruation period and they say no. Raise you hand and just say, “I can’t ‘hold’ it. I’m pretty sure I just started my period.” Or something along those lines. Since this isn’t a topic openly discussed (sadly) they’ll be stunned and let you go.
What's wrong with k-12 teachers? Are they stupid? When I was in college if you had to go, you just get up and go.
Having to eliminate body waste is an essential human function. It is a form of torture to deny someone the ability to do go to the bathroom. Additionally, lack of elimination can make you sick—-from developing a UTI to bladder damage.
If I ever have a kid I'm going to teach them the teacher is just a teacher, NOT God. Politely mind the teacher, but if she says/does something you know is wrong, get the F up and walk out of her classroom. I'LL deal with her.
Not sure who downvoted your comment, you're completely right.
Load More Replies...My chemistry teacher. Even though chemistry is my fav subject, I don't like it when she does this. Before an exam, I have this panic attack, and I usually drink water or take deep breaths, even go to the washroom to just wash my hands or do something to feel better, but no, she wouldn't allow me to do so, guess who passed out in class. Good thing we don't have detention in india
I actually had teachers willing to give restrooms breaks. What they hated was the principal that roamed the hallways and yelled at students and teachers if they didn't have a hall pass.
Teacher here. If a student asks to go to the toilet I simply ask if they can wait. If they can't...I let them go....if they can..... they wait. Simple. Lessons are only an hour.... it's hardly torture!
You don't get to make the situation uncomfortable for them to ask them infront of the entire class "Can you wait". If they say they need to go, then they need to go. If they could wait then they wouldn't ask to go in the first place. Simple.
Load More Replies...I had one it was the end of the day. I was raising my hand to go but they were talking to another teacher. Needless to say I peed my pants on the way home from school
So you didn’t go after you were out of teachers class, but it’s still teachers fault?
Load More Replies...I must disagree with this. Where I live its up to the teacher to let someone go to the toilet. This stupid authority is teaching you to be ashamed of your bodily functions. When I got to higher educations teachers stopped caring about this and it was much easier to just be in school
How long are classes? It's not like they go on for hours and hours. I don't see why students shouldn't use the bathroom between classes in break time which is what breaks are for. I get that there may be exceptions to the rule, particularly for girls, but it can be disruptive if people keep walking out of the class. I'm not sure about this one.
The only rule we had in elementary, middle and high school as far as i can remember: you don't have to ask, just go as long as just one person a time is out of the classroom. Only if we took a test we weren't allowed to leave. Nobody found it distracting. In my opinion it is more distracting if someone interrupts class by asking to go to the toilet.
Load More Replies...If it's Gods will for kids to suffer and die of starvation, cancer etc then God is a f*****g Sadist. I HATE it when people say s**t like that, heard it many times after an ectopic pregnancy.
studied psychology & behavioral science in college so learned many 'disciplines' in those fields. while i am not a fan of freud, one thing he did write that i totally agree with is this: "the greatest injustice we do to our children is not to teach them the power of sex". just because a parent(s) are uncomfortable talking about sex doesn't mean that their children don't need to know about it at a fairly early age. this would not only protect them but also make them understand that they need to respect their body as well as others and to prepare them to be responsible when it comes to sex. stop teaching people to be ashamed of the what is a biological act and calling it something dirty.
I actually like the idea of school uniforms. All schools in Australia have their own uniforms and we almost never hear about the incidences mentioned above. We mainly hear about private schools and the fact many of them require girls to wear skirts, NO pants. That should definitely change.
I have always taught my children to respect their elders, BUT I have also taught my children that just because they are an elder doesn't make them right. You can disagree with them but be respectful in your manner and words and if they get upset, scream at you or say derogatory things you are well within your rights to walk away.
My husband's former boss would not hire anyone with facial tattoos or piercings (hair he didn't care about so much.) His reasoning was that some of his senior citizen customers might feel uncomfortable around them. I could see that...but at the same time...just because they got those done doesn't make them bad people or workers. I can understand it being unnerving.
Netherlands: "Working 38 hours per week is too stressful and leaves us with almost no free time. We're switching to 30 hours per week."
My mother once chewed out my oldest brother for not giving our Grandmother a hug and kiss. She was dying from a rare blood cancer and was down to 90 lbs. It's scary for a 9 year old to see that and no one ever sat down with him to explain what was going on with her. He reluctantly gave her a hug and kiss and ran out of the room. It made my Grandmother cry. I don't think he ever got over the guilt of how she cried. I told him several times that it was not his fault.
Actually...most of the commercials I see have people sacked out and sleeping.
I was super impressed by my husband's aunt when her teenage son discussed politics with her. She disagreed with him, but ever so respectfully. She calmly and firmly gave her rebuttals. My parents would have pretty much told me to shut up and that I don't know what I'm talking about.
And who decided that hugging another man is considered cheating on your boyfriend. I hug my friends because I care about them...not because I want to sleep with them.
There's a flip side to this, where you end up with 27 year olds still living at home with mommy doing their laundry, not because rent is too expensive, but because their parents have enabled them to feel like they are their little angel forever. At 18 you should be able to *want* to move out without feeling like you *need* to move out, and know you are able to function in society while knowing you have support for the things you don't know yet.
maybe they are old and don't know what they are talking about but you can still be respectful in your manner and words and you have every right to walk away as well. I just get angry when I see someone screaming in the face of an elderly person. Also they grew up in a different time, many say things that they don't understand could be considered rude or racist. I had a conversation with a much older man and he called a certain Asian group a term I considered derogatory. I stopped him and said that word isn't acceptable anymore and you should not use that, please use this instead. He stopped and said well that's what we called them and I said I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate being called that and if you want to continue this conversation you can't use that word again. He kept talking and then stopped and said what word am I supposed to use again? He tried! If he had said the inappropriate word again I would've just walked away.
Note: this post originally had 46 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
Load More Replies...This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
Load More Replies...Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
Load More Replies...Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
Load More Replies...This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
Load More Replies...Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
Load More Replies...