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30 People Share “Social Customs” That Are Outdated, Toxic And Should Be Retired
In some areas, the world can change very fast but in others, it can lag behind. It sounds cliché, I know, but it's true.
Whether we're talking about the Western World or any other place, each society has its own problems and shortcomings. Discussing these delicate subjects isn't easy, either. Emotions can heat up such arguments very fast.
But it looks like Twitter user @ewgraiam found a way to get people together for a civilized chat: they asked nicely and offered a microphone. Turns out, it was all they needed to talk in peace about all the cultural things that could be changed to make the world a better place.
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According to one study, published in Nature Human Behaviour, people tend to copy other people's choices, even when they know that those people did not make their choices freely, and when the decision does not reflect their own actual preferences. That's how powerful social norms can be.
Imagine you have witnessed a man rob a bank but then he gives the stolen money to an orphanage. Do you call the police or leave the robber be, so the orphanage can keep the money?
Researchers posed this moral dilemma to 150 participants recruited online in their first experiment. But before people made their choice, the researchers also presented information about how similar participants in a previous experiment had imagined acting during this scenario.
Tipping is Ok as long as it represents your appreciation for how will the server did. It should not be your mandatory contribution to the income of a worker because their boss can't be arsed to pay them a decent wage.
"Half of our participants were told that most other people had imagined reporting the robber. The remaining half were told that most other people had imagined not calling the police," Campbell Pryor and Piers Howe, the co-authors of the study, said.
"Crucially, however, we made it clear to our participants that these norms did not reflect people's preferences. Instead, the norm was said to have occurred due to some faulty code in the experiment that randomly allocated the previous participants to imagining reporting or not reporting the robber."
However, the participants followed the social norms of the previous people, even though they knew they were entirely arbitrary and did not reflect anyone's actual choices.
I remember as a child my mother whipping me until I was covered in big red welts all over my arms and legs because she was told by a neighbour that I was in a house that was being built with some other kids and we made a big mess. I screamed at that it wasn't me and that I was at another friend's house all afternoon but she wouldn't listen. After she had finished with me I ran out to my friends house and asked her mother to tell my mother that I was with them. She did. She explained that the girl the neighbour saw was the back of another girl who had the same hair as me long and brown and was around the same age. All my mother said was "oh, well that's alright then". She never apologised or said anything else. I was in real pain for days afterwards. But she really didn't care. day
"A series of subsequent experiments, involving 631 new participants recruited online, showed that this result was robust. It held over different participants and different moral dilemmas. It was not caused by our participants not understanding that the norm was entirely arbitrary," the researchers explained.
Whether or not this is a good thing largely depends on the situation. For instance, social norms are being used to encourage pro-social behavior and have been successfully used to promote healthy eating, increase attendance at doctor appointments, reduce tax evasion, increase towel reuse at hotels, decrease long-term energy use, and increase organ donor registrations.
Boys will be boys is meant to be a light-hearted acceptance of boys immediately getting mud all over their new trousers, and stuff like that. Anyone who uses it to excuse boys inappropriate behaviour is an idiot.
The customer is rarely right and is usually an idiot. I told all my staff the moment I became manager "you are not paid to take abuse, refer them to me and i'll kick them out, i'm a salaried manager and I'M paid to deal with that nonsense, not you".
If it's Gods will for kids to suffer and die of starvation, cancer etc then God is a f*****g Sadist. I HATE it when people say s**t like that, heard it many times after an ectopic pregnancy.
studied psychology & behavioral science in college so learned many 'disciplines' in those fields. while i am not a fan of freud, one thing he did write that i totally agree with is this: "the greatest injustice we do to our children is not to teach them the power of sex". just because a parent(s) are uncomfortable talking about sex doesn't mean that their children don't need to know about it at a fairly early age. this would not only protect them but also make them understand that they need to respect their body as well as others and to prepare them to be responsible when it comes to sex. stop teaching people to be ashamed of the what is a biological act and calling it something dirty.
I actually like the idea of school uniforms. All schools in Australia have their own uniforms and we almost never hear about the incidences mentioned above. We mainly hear about private schools and the fact many of them require girls to wear skirts, NO pants. That should definitely change.
I have always taught my children to respect their elders, BUT I have also taught my children that just because they are an elder doesn't make them right. You can disagree with them but be respectful in your manner and words and if they get upset, scream at you or say derogatory things you are well within your rights to walk away.
My husband's former boss would not hire anyone with facial tattoos or piercings (hair he didn't care about so much.) His reasoning was that some of his senior citizen customers might feel uncomfortable around them. I could see that...but at the same time...just because they got those done doesn't make them bad people or workers. I can understand it being unnerving.
Netherlands: "Working 38 hours per week is too stressful and leaves us with almost no free time. We're switching to 30 hours per week."
My mother once chewed out my oldest brother for not giving our Grandmother a hug and kiss. She was dying from a rare blood cancer and was down to 90 lbs. It's scary for a 9 year old to see that and no one ever sat down with him to explain what was going on with her. He reluctantly gave her a hug and kiss and ran out of the room. It made my Grandmother cry. I don't think he ever got over the guilt of how she cried. I told him several times that it was not his fault.
Actually...most of the commercials I see have people sacked out and sleeping.
I was super impressed by my husband's aunt when her teenage son discussed politics with her. She disagreed with him, but ever so respectfully. She calmly and firmly gave her rebuttals. My parents would have pretty much told me to shut up and that I don't know what I'm talking about.
And who decided that hugging another man is considered cheating on your boyfriend. I hug my friends because I care about them...not because I want to sleep with them.
My husband was forced to eat foods he didn't like, I wasn't. One of us is an extremely picky eater and it isn't me. Our kids are never forced to eat stuff they don't like.
Me too. I was forced to eat boiled-to-death cabbage when I was a kid and I'm only just coming round to eating other veg now as a result (aged 44). I still won't touch cabbage though.
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I'm on the fence here. A couple of scenarios pop into my head. If the kid has never tried it I'm making them do it. If I'm dirt broke, the meal I put on the table is all I can afford and the best I can provide, I'm making them eat it. My general rule is you have to try it, you don't have to like it, but give everything I put in front of you an honest chance and I'll get you someting different if you truly don't like it
My wife learned a great lesson early in our children’s lives. “Do you want a lot of green beans, or just a little?”
My brother-in-law is a lawyer and he found himself negotiating with his four-year-old son: "If I eat my peas, can I stay up late?" I don't know how they settled that one, but darn the opposing team was tough!
Load More Replies... Orr forcing them to clean their plate. Way to train them to eat all of their food, even if it's oversized portions, and paving the way for obesity.
I have a thing for this. My mom used to tell me 'the menu is here, order what you want to eat, but eat what you will order. Be careful of what you're ordering since wasting food isn't right, so, feel free to eat what you want, but eat what your stomach can contain and finish what you order'
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This is turning food into a control issue. They don't eat, that's it. You make an issue of it, and boom, it's not about food, it is about the kid controlling you. And then you are on the way to bulimia, anorexia and a whole host of problems wherein food is the solution, but it is ALWAYS about control. I had a friend at college, who was from Nigeria, she said "you know, we don't have a problem with food consumption. Children will eat anything, because they either eat or they starve. You people don't really understand what the problem is."
Agreed. My house it was 'eat or starve, your choice'. So we ate what was on the plate and didn't complain.
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Encouraging kids to try things rather than forcing them. I didn't get a choice of what I had for dinner based on what I liked - I got what my parents were having as there was nothing else - but if I really didn't like something my Mum wouldn't make me eat it and usually wouldn't cook it again. I was at least encouraged to try different things and not be pampered too - such as little Johnny will only eat chicken nuggets and nothing else.
If taste is the issue, I can see asking them to try a tiny bite of something they’ve never had before. You have to try something before you decide you don’t like it. Your kid might try that little bit and decide they like it after all. But if it’s a different issue, such as smell, source (if you have a budding vegan on your hands), presentation, preparation, texture, or an allergy, etc, then no, don’t force the issue. And this is coming from someone who was told she had to clean her plate because of all the starving children in (at that time) China, even if she couldn’t abide the taste or smell, or texture of what was being served. I hated it, and swore that once I was grown up and had my own home, I would never eat any food I hated, and not force others to do the same, including any children I might have. And I don’t force anyone to eat anything they object to.
My parents had a rule that we had to try everything on our plate. Didn't have to finish it, just had to taste it. I'm very thankful of this.
I'm sorry but my nephew, whom I have with me a lot, doesn't like anything that is not sweet or fried and salty. So yes, I force the veggies and protein because his food choices are utter garbage. His good health in the long run is more important than childhood preferences.
How hard do you have to force? Isn't this an issue to raise with his Mum or is that delicate?
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I disagree. I was picky as a kid just because I wanted attention. All of my favorite foods are foods I never would have tried if my parents didn't make me try them. Literally every single one is one I used to hate. Also, making kids sit at the table until everyone is done should be treated as family time. Not a punishment. That's how it was for my family. We waited for everyone to get done before dessert and then we could go when we were done with dessert. Children don't know what's good for them nor do they know what they like. You have to introduce them to new things for them to figure out what they don't and do like. I'm so grateful that my dad made me try new s**t. I would hate to be a picky person for no reason as an adult. I think it should just be the parents choice what they do and how they raise their kids but labeling this as like ... something that needs to stop when it can actually help children not be picky seems kinda crazy.
Or....don't feed your kids snacks and junk in between main meals. I was allowed a bowl of cereal for breakfast, sandwich and apple for lunch, then a dinner plate. I was so hungry I would eat anything shoved in front of me and wouldn't complain, i'd even ask for more veggies once i'd cleared my plate. Also no dessert unless you cleared your plate, that guaranteed clean plates in my house.
Studies have shown that forcing a child to eat something they don't like is not necessary, even for nutritional concerns. A child's tastes change, so keep offering the undesirable food, just don't stress over their refusal to eat it.
There is a difference though between letting your child eat chicken nuggets and hotdogs for every meal because they claim to be "picky" and insisting your child try at least 2-3 bites of something new. Kids tastes are different than adults but they shouldn't be allowed to eat crap.
Hey! Let's give them ice cream and jelly beans all the time, because that's what they want to eat!
Kids do not know what they like till they eat it. And they need to eat a balanced diet. Or do you let your kid survive on Oreos and Skittles?
on the other side parents should assure that their children eat properly (veggies and so on)
However, as always the opposite can be true... to a point. I had a relative (my age) that grew up only eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! Until they were about 14 then they never ate any vegetables just meat... still don't at 50ish years old. Parents gave in because they'd throw a tantrum. It was ridiculous. My parents had the "try a bite and then if you still don't like it, fine."
I agree and disagree with this. Parents need to be more thoughtful about what they're feeding the kids. But you can't make a special meal for the kid every night just because they won't eat the things you're feeding them. That's teaching them that they get their way at all times. It's a bad precedent. I think just making sure the food you're feeding them is something they enjoy is more important and that everybody else enjoys it too
Too broad of a statement to agree or disagree with. Healthy alternatives that they like = good. Letting them eat whatever they want = unhealthy. You going to let them eat candy for every meal?
My rule was three bites, chewed and swallowed. If my daughter still didn't like it, we'd wait and try that food in a year. Our palettes grow and change. Often, young children dislike bitter tastes that adults enjoy.
Yep. That's the main reason I struggled with an eating disorder since I was 11. Don't do it to your kids, unless you like them half-dead from starvation.
I spent many evenings sitting at the table with a cold plate of food until bedtime. While I was told to clean my plate before I could leave the table, I was never forced to eat anything. But I did have to sit at the table all night. Lol
OMG - my Dad when I was like 5. He cooked steak and it was blood rare. I almost puked after the first bite. Then I tried the asparagus - same response. He made me sit there until I finished my dinner. I fell asleep at the table, and after hours of pleading, my Mom was finally allowed to put me in bed. To be fair: my Dad was a serious alcoholic back then, but was sober the last 32 years of his life - the final 18 months of which the hubs & I got to spend with him. He was the Administrative Director of a men's rehab facility and extremely well regarded in the community. (He wasn't always a prick, is my point).
My parents paid good money for that and you're going to eat it! Then I would deliberately be sick just to annoy them. Guess what!? Allergic to shellfish, peanuts, and a few other things!
Getting kids to try new foods by giving them a tiny piece as many times as they want, instead of a whole portion, then yelling that they've wasted it when they don't eat it all.
My Mom and Dad had the "Taste and see if you like it rule". If I tasted it and truly hated it (I'm talkin' to you liver and lima beans) I didn't have to eat it. Luckily, I like almost everything, just ask my scale, but I will also try new things and give them a chance, even escargo.
We always had to eat what we were served and our mother decided on the portion size. You not only had to try but you had to eat as much as she considered the correct quantity for your meal. And you had to stay put at the table until you cleaned the plate. I would have been perfectly fine to sometimes just eat the potatoes - absolutely no need to prepare anything else for me or maybe even eat nothing at all at that meal - but no, I had to also eat the meat and a large scoop of for example cooked red cabbage although my mother new perfectly well that I did not like it. I am now in my forties and still get sick when I smell cooked red cabbage. I promised myself to never eat anything I do not like as soon as I am an adult and I would not recommend trying to force anything on me! I am aware that this is a first world problem but since I am in no danger of starving anytime soon I enjoy the luxury of being able to be a picky eater.
one of the greatest christmas' of my life was when i was finally old enough to refuse the sprouts! i always got forced to eat 3 of them. they literally made me gag, and once throw up my food, i found them so disgusting and hard to swallow. now i can refuse them, it's amazing :D best part of growing up, i swear.
it's teaching your kids to get use to healthy foods for their benefit. Otherwise they'll turn into the typical OBESE American around. It's like that stupid Craft macaroni commercial when the black kid is running from their mother and disrespectfully saying no to eating their dinner. The the stupid parent GIVES in and gives them what they want. Oh yeah that's really being a parent
I always insisted my kids try at least one bite of different foods, otherwise how would they know what they really like or don't like? My kids like spicy foods and sushi, but I don't. Variety builds character.
Parents need to alter the recipes to appeal to young taste buds. I had a daycare and had no trouble when it came to the kiddies eating meals, where the parents did.
I see this one differently though. I grew up poor, so whatever mom made we had to eat - there was no alternative meal. They made me sit there and eat so I didn't go hungry.
That's understandable. I'm not poor, but I don't like wasting food. Hubby makes crap, he eats it.
Load More Replies... Ummm look I'm way past the age that it stopped being cute or quirky or whatever. I'm the pickiest eater or anyone I've ever met. I don't eat fruit, I only eat 3 vegetables and none of them are the healthy ones. I'm like, really bad. I wish I wasn't this way, but I am and it is what it is. I don't like the textures of most things. Are other people even able to eat s**t that disgusts them? I don't know. I'm just saying that it sucks to be like this as an adult. I don't know if forcing me to more when I was younger would have helped... But my parents never tried any other ways to do anything about it, and here I am.
Yes we should start wasting perfectly good food because our kids only want to eat chips and mac and cheeze all the time. Meanwhile got people all over the world starving.
I know this sounds sick. I've been told that by more than a few Pandas. But you have to consider that my dad grew up in the depression when food was in short supply in his family and so you were expected to clean your plate and not waste precious food. If there was something on my dinner plate that I just couldn't get down, he'd make me sit at the table until I ate it. He never seemed to get the message that he was on the losing end of it. I am STUBBORN. I would sit there for an entire evening not eating it, until my mom told him that I had to go to bed for school the next day. I went to bed (I win!). Now, I couldn't care less about eating. It's just something that's necessary to keep me alive so I do it. I'd be happy if there was a pill you could take in the morning that is your entire nutritional needs for the day.
Growing up, we were told we had to try at least one bite, especially liver. Now I love it to death and get it every chance I get.
I had just 1 bite and puked. Same hatred of it now '- the look of it - the taste of it - the smell of it! Even in a steak and kidney (yummy) pie, I can't bear it. Sale for trie!
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We try to stick with this mentality but my little girl will not eat anything that has fiber in it thus cause issues with her digestive system.
My Ma learned her lesson after my brother started vomiting when he should eat beans. She would have never cooked something special for my brothers and me if we didn't like something. We would have to wait until she finished her meal and then she would make me a butterbrot/sandwich.
We all have personal tastes. I know as an adult I would hate to be forced to eat something I don't like, so why should a child. It's different if you know the child does like it and they are just being difficult.
There's a flip side to this, where you end up with 27 year olds still living at home with mommy doing their laundry, not because rent is too expensive, but because their parents have enabled them to feel like they are their little angel forever. At 18 you should be able to *want* to move out without feeling like you *need* to move out, and know you are able to function in society while knowing you have support for the things you don't know yet.
maybe they are old and don't know what they are talking about but you can still be respectful in your manner and words and you have every right to walk away as well. I just get angry when I see someone screaming in the face of an elderly person. Also they grew up in a different time, many say things that they don't understand could be considered rude or racist. I had a conversation with a much older man and he called a certain Asian group a term I considered derogatory. I stopped him and said that word isn't acceptable anymore and you should not use that, please use this instead. He stopped and said well that's what we called them and I said I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate being called that and if you want to continue this conversation you can't use that word again. He kept talking and then stopped and said what word am I supposed to use again? He tried! If he had said the inappropriate word again I would've just walked away.
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Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
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This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
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Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
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Women should be able to be calmly straightforward about things without being labeled a bitch. We shouldn't have to go into sweetie pie mode to make a request or point out something that is wrong.
Wow, BP didn’t censor a cuss word!
Load More Replies... This happened today where I work: my boss (a man) was about to take my new coworker (a girl) to a meeting with clients at their place, and told her to be prepared to be harassed by the the guys that work there, but not to take it seriously. I can't believe I heard that... W T F???
I know that lots of countries have some of these issues but it does feel like this should really be called 30 outdated American customs. I don't think that that most of these problems exist in a lot of countries.
Having babies until you get the sex you want. Know people who had 11 kids to get their son, parentifed the older girls, so they could keep cranking out babies, then they wonder why their daughters don't talk to them. Well duh. None of them had penises so you decided none of them were good enough for you. Why the f**k should they talk to you? Acknowledge you?
There are some fabulous suggestions here. Question is, how the heck do we make them happen?
I disagree with the tipping one, Giving a waiter/waitress a few dollars is not the end of the world. If you can afford to eat out in the first place then you can afford to tip at least a few bucks.
These are social attitudes, more than customs. A social custom is something like men insisting on opening doors for women because they are women or women assuming that men will pay for a date.
My parents have never forced me to eat what I didn't want. They were forced to and vowed when they had kids they never would.
When someone has a legitimate problem, either emotionally or physically, and rather than wanting to discuss it, the person they tell starts talking about the bible.
Marriage as a sign of love. Love/trust/dedication does not require a legally binding contract, the only purpose of which is the threat/deterrent of divorce. Love (plus all the good stuff like trust) exists emotionally between people. Marriage only ever existed as a method of control and oppression. Now people somehow try and romanticise it.
Plus guaranteeing support. Check out the wedding vows. For peope with faith, the holding of the wedding is what counts, it means they are swearing before God and that is very important to them.
Load More Replies... Or finding it hard to show common courtesy/basic decency.
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