Woman Finds Out Her Fiance’s Mom Snoops Around Her Stuff, So She Leaves Hilariously Embarrassing Notes Around The House
Nobody likes others snooping around their stuff, especially if it’s your mother in law. As for most of us, if getting along wasn’t hard enough already, this could put a whole new level of pressure on the relationship.
Recently one woman took it to r/AITA to ask for some advice regarding the situation at her house. It turns out that when her fiance’s mom comes over, “she’s kind of a snoop,” and added that although he was used to that, for her “it’s so uncomfortable because she’s just going through my shit.” And I can feel for her. But the tension reached boiling point after the MIL found the author’s “little ‘affirmation’ post it note” to boost her confidence and dared to make “a comment about my ego…”
So the author rolled up her sleeves and made a plan to hide embarrassing notes all around her house for her nosy MIL to feast on. The result was somewhat hilarious but her fiance is saying she’s making “stuff hard for him.” Read the full story below and share your thoughts on this whole family drama in the comments!
After getting fed up with her fiance’s mom snooping through her personal stuff and finding an “embarrassing note,” this woman pulled a hilarious ‘prank’ on her
Image credits: foam (not the actual photo)
The survey showed that MILs saw their relationships with DILs as much more positive and a third said they were close
From different parenting philosophies to interfering with the lives of their kids, there can be numerous reasons for tension between women and their MILs. Not always, but most likely, women are the ones who play the central roles in family dynamics, especially the ones that involve emotional work, while their husbands are left slightly behind. So having so much responsibility and pressure to do everything right may in fact make finding common ground between MILs and DILs even more challenging.
Geoffrey Greif, the co-author of “In-law Relationships: Mothers, Daughters, Fathers, and Sons,” looked into responses from more than 1,500 people and found that 15% of MILs and DILs had a really troubled relationship. More than half felt good about their bond, and the rest were neutral. Interestingly, Greif’s surveys have shown that mothers-in-law saw their relationships with their daughters-in-law as much more positive. For example, 33% of mothers-in-law strongly agreed the two were close, compared to just 18% for the younger women.
Moreover, 42% of mothers-in-law said that they admired their daughter-in-law, but only 23% of the younger women felt the same way about their husband’s mother. 37% of surveyed mothers-in-law enjoyed spending time together, compared with just 22% of younger women.
Finding common ground with your MIL takes work, but it’s best for everyone
On the other hand, it’s never too late to try to find common ground and take steps into a healthy relationship with your mother-in-law. Although, it will take some hard work and patience. Jane Parker, a strategic intervention advanced relationship coach who coaches clients to have successful, fulfilling and healthy relationships, told Bored Panda where to start. “Find out what is important to your mother-in-law. What are her values? What are her fears? Knowing these things creates an opportunity for connection,” she explained.
Jane continued: “maybe you share the same values or fears or maybe you can reassure her fears and show her you understand. If she has certain values, can you match them, or are you breaking them in some way? Make time for her, show interest in spending time with her.”
After all, you have something in common, you both love her son/daughter. “Show her that you value her opinion and that she matters to you both. Ask her for advice from time to time, help her to feel significant and included in your lives,” Jane concluded.
People showed their support to the author and this is what they commented
NTA and to be honest, after reading it all + updates I'd reconsider this guy moving in. He let his mom go through his stuff because she "helped with laundry and dishes"? How much of laundry and dishes did this dude have in his solo place, that he needed help?!? To me it sounds more like he's not at all independent adult but very much still a momma's boy, and she still takes care of him and his chores. Not only his mom won't stop, he won't be of any help at home either. Just drop his a**, with his mom and her big nose.
That caught my eye also. Fully expecting another topic about this relationship in a couple years about this guy not doing any chores or cleaning up after himself. It seems like OP is moving in with the MIL to co-parent the boy.
Load More Replies...
this is the moment you define how she will treat you and your house for years to come. This is also the easiest time to set boundaries, as it's the start. Much harder down the line.
Seen this on another Bored Panda where the wife's Mom had no boundaries with the daughter, the hubby sent a VERY racy text about what he's wanting to do with his wife to the wife's phone, heard the 'ping' and his MIL then whispering to her about that content of that message. The wife/daughter shut down the big snoop with "what we do is between two consenting adults" That is what an independent Adult does to shut down a person who oversteps private matters.
Load More Replies...
I'd dump him. She asked multiple times to talk to his mother, and he's constantly downplaying the problem instead of addressing it. It's clear to me that neither the son nor the mother has any respect for her. God, I hate people who don't respect other people's boundaries and privacy.
1. Can she go over to his mom’s house and snoop? How would his mother feel about that? 2. Is he looking for a second mother or a real wife/partner?
Get an inflatable sex doll, slap a strap on to it and put a picture of his mother's face on it. Hide it in the closet and wait for the fun to ensue. If she asks, tell her it's his.
That's already in the post, "buy a strapon and a note that says MOMMY". Which I don't get, "DADDY" seems far more upsetting (esp if his, but either case).
Load More Replies... Run! This boy has his mommy as a maid and allows her to go through not only his stuff but yours and does not think it is bad at all. He has severe mommy issues and will expect her to run your lives. He will also expect you to step in as the maid when his mommy doesn't clean up for him.
Seriously still considering being with this man??? Maybe get another therapist, or life coach to help you see this is not acceptable mother son relationship, and you will be playing mommy to the man you sleep with and expected to entertain the mothers every attitude. Where do people meet these guys? I would leave both of them on street. My own mother wouldn't go near my stuff when visiting, she makes sure to ask before tidying my place as we both have our own ways. Same goes when I visit her, I ask her if she needs help, never ever snoop around in anyone's business. Damn I have been living with the same man from the third date we met, and he still hasn't gone through my stuff, going strong since 2009 😱 I would recommend the man and mil to see a therapist, it is not normal, acceptable, or even legal to go through other people stuff. Have you considered being single? You bought a house, you seem to o be successful, do not move anyone in who brings package in the form of mommy.
The actions of the mother in law sound like a massive invasion of privacy, all the more so given it was a shared household in only the most limited context. The OPs actions were nothing more than a polite hint and I think some very pointed and direct words would have still easily been proportionate. I think the same could be said of the husband - in disputes surrounding boundaries, particularly in his own home, he needs to take sides with his wife or at least act as an intermediary. If I was in the OPs shoes, I'd be having some choice words with both.
I knew I had a winner when my husband (then-boyfriend) defended me to his mom when she was screaming mean things in my face for NO reason. Things have gotten better with his family (this was 5 years ago) but he STILL comes to my defense if it’s needed.
Dude. If your SO won't set boundaries with their family and it's making you uncomfortable and they're doing things that violate your privacy, trust and comfort you need to either leave them or set the boundary yourself, sternly. Except usually when you do it yourself because your SO won't, they turn on you... so it usually never works out how you want. What I'm saying is that if they won't even set the simplest of boundaries then they're not going to set ones on important s**t later on... so you're just prolonging your own happiness n finding someone who actually does respect you, care about you and wants to make you happy. Move on. Don't waste your time.
Run, girl, run fast and far. And to alll the women with sons: Stop treating them like princes with special needs! Get your own life and let your kids life theirs.
You're such a confident person. I love it. Sound like you can do better than this useless mummy's boy tho. Get rid of him and his snooping mum or you'll be dealing with him siding with mummy on every bloody thing that happens from now on. You sound great; find someone who appreciates that. And quite simple, understandable boundaries.
Tell her. Do not negotiate - you tell her the snoopery is over, end of. There is nothing to discuss or to adjust or to, in any way or any other way, give in to on your part. That is totally on her - is she willing to be welcome around your house, both of yours, she has to not snoop around ever again. I always wonder how people even can do this without being totally ashamed of themselves even without getting caught. Also, include more upsetting things in case it doesn't work, like reminders to buy cocaine, as otherwise, can't bear boyfriend or so ...
The notes should say: "You're a pathetic busybody" "You have no respect for others privacy" "This is why people don't like you" Etc
I second that and agree with you 100%! Karma will get that horrible woman and her idiot son real soon!
Load More Replies...
What is it about mothers being so nosey? My mother is like that too. The whole protective thing is bullshit. I'm quite protective of my kids but I can't imagine going through their s**t, or even wanting to, when they're adults.
She snoops when he is there? He should stop her. She there when neither of you are there? Why? Did you give it to her? Did he? Take it away from her or change the locks. The notes are funny but mommy didn't the message. If your bf can't convince her to stop snooping, you do it by ditching him because she will always be snooping in your s**t.
Take away her key. Sorry, forgot to say it was about "her" key that she shouldn't have
Load More Replies...
NTA. BF and his mom are. It's ultimatum time. Tell him either he tells his mom to stay out of everything or you are going to reconsider your relationship. This is YOUR house, NOT his and if he acts this way now it will only get worse if you get married.
I had the MIL from hell and she made me and my kids miserable. I am so glad I divorced him. She was the ultimate "W" itch.
Oh, HELL NO. That sh*t would never fly in my house. Speak to her yourself & tell her she needs to respect, not just you but your home. If Al can't stand up to his "Mommy" now, you are in for a very unhappy future.
I could so totally do that exact thing after some wine with friends. NTA!
1) I bet he is the only child. 2) break up with him 3) if don't want to break up, bring someone home to snoop through the little bits of stuff he brought in. Make him try his medicine.
I wouldn't even let my MIL help us move. If this ever happened to me, I would be furious. It isn't even that I have something to hide, it's a huge invasion of privacy and the fact that his Mom brought these things up to him speaks volumes. She isn't snooping to get to know the OP, more than likely she's looking for things so her son will break things off and/or move out. My husband avoided all confrontation with his Mom and it led to a lot of harder things in my personal relationship with his Mom. I would say she definitely needs to have a difficult conversation with her boyfriend, and if nothing changes then I would go back to living alone.
Red Flag #1-Mom snoops through your house. The vast majority of people don't like anyone snooping through their stuff. Even spouses. Your boyfriends mom not even on the list. Red Flag #2 -The fact that defends mom on this. Red Flag #3-Her snooping and his attitude means that HE will be going through your stuff in no time. Red Flag #4- This dude can't clean or his laundry?!? WTF is up with that. Red Flag #5-You. You know he can't take care of himself, contribute to cleaning, has an intrusive mom, and will likely go through your stuff in the future. And you want to live this guy? In 2 years I'll be reading about your bad breakup on BP under the title "Stories of Self-Inflicted Misery"
NTA. How old is this guy? 17? It sounds like you're marrying a toddler who won't stand up to the mother who refuses to cut the apron strings. You shouldn't be moving in with or dating this guy, he's not old enough. Send him to Italy to live with the rest of the "mammoni".
I love the idea of putting increasing sizes of butt plugs in there. It'd be tempting to make a BDSM room or a satanic room. Little boy needs to set Mom straight or she's always going to be snooping into your relationship. It's not you making things difficult for him, it's his mother. Cut him loose unless he can start setting boundaries with his Mom. I can't imagine being snooped on like that!
Maybe he thinks it's okay because it's his mom. She isn't your mom. He needs to choose to support your (and his) privacy or he needs to move out. I'd never put up with that. I am a mother in law and would never, ever, do that. My boys would be horrified if I did.
Of course she is an AH the technically correct type of AH which is the best type to be. How would he have felt if she printed out urologist note discussing invited due to his narrow urethra or a fake medical test that says ED and the possibility that he is not "entertained" by women. In all honesty I think she should go that route and see what happens
Ruuuuun... this man's umbilical cord obviously hasn't been cut yet. Time to yeet him and his disrespecting mommy the hell out of there.
Dated for four years.it took that long for him to move in. There's a red flag already
When you go over to her house snoop go through her store stuff go in her drawers she won't understand it until she feels it herself when she asked to say I'm just tidying
What is it with all of these women married to mommas boys with snooping MILs...I'm not going to NTA this one YTA for not taking real control of the situation and set some ground rules with a consequence of not being able to visit if she can respect their home. If her fiancé has a problem with it tell him that he can live with his mother then. And when are we going to finally see one of the stories where the girl leaves a real surprise like mouse traps so MIL gets her finger snapped if she snoops. I'd be so single if dudes mother came around and started screaming cause she was snooping through my night stand and got "caught" 😈
Not the A$$! Red flag for sure that he defends her snooping and literally invading your privacy. I would be even more ( but thats me!) a giant dildo and in a box , and a sweet, loving note to your fiancé in a much more hidden spot. The note should read, my love, i decided it wasn't weird that you want this and for me to use it on you! I think its fine that we broaden our areas of love and sex with each other! I hope you love your gift!! And if she snooped in this very private place and found it, lifted the lid, and then spoke with her son? Well, id have a very important talk with him and be firm. If he cant put your privacy And relationship first, then you need to reevaluate the relationship. Sure you want to have a good relationship with your future MIL, but, snooping in to your private things and business is literally NONE OF HER BUSINESS! And let him know from now on it will not be acceptable, and for the record, it never has been.
NTA, but what are you doing while she's nosing around? Sitting on the couch watching TV? Get up and catch her going thru your stuff then tell her off - and not nicely.
What comes to my mind is that MIL gotta have to "cut the umbilical cord". If my MIL would be doing that, I would have been crazy. And like others have said already, I would have going creative and leave stuff and at some point I would ask her "what the actually heck she's doing?"
I thought her fiancées name was AI as in Ai as in robot. But like seriously NTA he seems like a complete mamas boy and that s**t bout nervous energy yup sure she can go through his private stuff then NOT YOURS he is not going to set boundaries with his mother then don't let him move in don't marry him don't let his mother near your house. just don't tell him that once he sets boundaries then she can come back
As a mother, it just boggles my mind that any parent (and adult child) would think it was okay to snoop thru their belongings, much less belongings of the girlfriend/boyfriend. I would not have left notes, I would have told her outright that it was not okay, and to not do it again. As for the boyfriend, he probably should still be living at home with mom.
end this now. He's choosing FOO over FOC and that a is a sign he is not ready for a committed relationship when mommy trumps GF or wife. End this and tell him why too. He needs to learn and grow up.
NTA and to be honest, after reading it all + updates I'd reconsider this guy moving in. He let his mom go through his stuff because she "helped with laundry and dishes"? How much of laundry and dishes did this dude have in his solo place, that he needed help?!? To me it sounds more like he's not at all independent adult but very much still a momma's boy, and she still takes care of him and his chores. Not only his mom won't stop, he won't be of any help at home either. Just drop his a**, with his mom and her big nose.
That caught my eye also. Fully expecting another topic about this relationship in a couple years about this guy not doing any chores or cleaning up after himself. It seems like OP is moving in with the MIL to co-parent the boy.
Load More Replies... this is the moment you define how she will treat you and your house for years to come. This is also the easiest time to set boundaries, as it's the start. Much harder down the line.
Seen this on another Bored Panda where the wife's Mom had no boundaries with the daughter, the hubby sent a VERY racy text about what he's wanting to do with his wife to the wife's phone, heard the 'ping' and his MIL then whispering to her about that content of that message. The wife/daughter shut down the big snoop with "what we do is between two consenting adults" That is what an independent Adult does to shut down a person who oversteps private matters.
Load More Replies... I'd dump him. She asked multiple times to talk to his mother, and he's constantly downplaying the problem instead of addressing it. It's clear to me that neither the son nor the mother has any respect for her. God, I hate people who don't respect other people's boundaries and privacy.
1. Can she go over to his mom’s house and snoop? How would his mother feel about that? 2. Is he looking for a second mother or a real wife/partner?
Get an inflatable sex doll, slap a strap on to it and put a picture of his mother's face on it. Hide it in the closet and wait for the fun to ensue. If she asks, tell her it's his.
That's already in the post, "buy a strapon and a note that says MOMMY". Which I don't get, "DADDY" seems far more upsetting (esp if his, but either case).
Load More Replies... Run! This boy has his mommy as a maid and allows her to go through not only his stuff but yours and does not think it is bad at all. He has severe mommy issues and will expect her to run your lives. He will also expect you to step in as the maid when his mommy doesn't clean up for him.
Seriously still considering being with this man??? Maybe get another therapist, or life coach to help you see this is not acceptable mother son relationship, and you will be playing mommy to the man you sleep with and expected to entertain the mothers every attitude. Where do people meet these guys? I would leave both of them on street. My own mother wouldn't go near my stuff when visiting, she makes sure to ask before tidying my place as we both have our own ways. Same goes when I visit her, I ask her if she needs help, never ever snoop around in anyone's business. Damn I have been living with the same man from the third date we met, and he still hasn't gone through my stuff, going strong since 2009 😱 I would recommend the man and mil to see a therapist, it is not normal, acceptable, or even legal to go through other people stuff. Have you considered being single? You bought a house, you seem to o be successful, do not move anyone in who brings package in the form of mommy.
The actions of the mother in law sound like a massive invasion of privacy, all the more so given it was a shared household in only the most limited context. The OPs actions were nothing more than a polite hint and I think some very pointed and direct words would have still easily been proportionate. I think the same could be said of the husband - in disputes surrounding boundaries, particularly in his own home, he needs to take sides with his wife or at least act as an intermediary. If I was in the OPs shoes, I'd be having some choice words with both.
I knew I had a winner when my husband (then-boyfriend) defended me to his mom when she was screaming mean things in my face for NO reason. Things have gotten better with his family (this was 5 years ago) but he STILL comes to my defense if it’s needed.
Dude. If your SO won't set boundaries with their family and it's making you uncomfortable and they're doing things that violate your privacy, trust and comfort you need to either leave them or set the boundary yourself, sternly. Except usually when you do it yourself because your SO won't, they turn on you... so it usually never works out how you want. What I'm saying is that if they won't even set the simplest of boundaries then they're not going to set ones on important s**t later on... so you're just prolonging your own happiness n finding someone who actually does respect you, care about you and wants to make you happy. Move on. Don't waste your time.
Run, girl, run fast and far. And to alll the women with sons: Stop treating them like princes with special needs! Get your own life and let your kids life theirs.
You're such a confident person. I love it. Sound like you can do better than this useless mummy's boy tho. Get rid of him and his snooping mum or you'll be dealing with him siding with mummy on every bloody thing that happens from now on. You sound great; find someone who appreciates that. And quite simple, understandable boundaries.
Tell her. Do not negotiate - you tell her the snoopery is over, end of. There is nothing to discuss or to adjust or to, in any way or any other way, give in to on your part. That is totally on her - is she willing to be welcome around your house, both of yours, she has to not snoop around ever again. I always wonder how people even can do this without being totally ashamed of themselves even without getting caught. Also, include more upsetting things in case it doesn't work, like reminders to buy cocaine, as otherwise, can't bear boyfriend or so ...
The notes should say: "You're a pathetic busybody" "You have no respect for others privacy" "This is why people don't like you" Etc
I second that and agree with you 100%! Karma will get that horrible woman and her idiot son real soon!
Load More Replies... What is it about mothers being so nosey? My mother is like that too. The whole protective thing is bullshit. I'm quite protective of my kids but I can't imagine going through their s**t, or even wanting to, when they're adults.
She snoops when he is there? He should stop her. She there when neither of you are there? Why? Did you give it to her? Did he? Take it away from her or change the locks. The notes are funny but mommy didn't the message. If your bf can't convince her to stop snooping, you do it by ditching him because she will always be snooping in your s**t.
Take away her key. Sorry, forgot to say it was about "her" key that she shouldn't have
Load More Replies... NTA. BF and his mom are. It's ultimatum time. Tell him either he tells his mom to stay out of everything or you are going to reconsider your relationship. This is YOUR house, NOT his and if he acts this way now it will only get worse if you get married.
I had the MIL from hell and she made me and my kids miserable. I am so glad I divorced him. She was the ultimate "W" itch.
Oh, HELL NO. That sh*t would never fly in my house. Speak to her yourself & tell her she needs to respect, not just you but your home. If Al can't stand up to his "Mommy" now, you are in for a very unhappy future.
I could so totally do that exact thing after some wine with friends. NTA!
1) I bet he is the only child. 2) break up with him 3) if don't want to break up, bring someone home to snoop through the little bits of stuff he brought in. Make him try his medicine.
I wouldn't even let my MIL help us move. If this ever happened to me, I would be furious. It isn't even that I have something to hide, it's a huge invasion of privacy and the fact that his Mom brought these things up to him speaks volumes. She isn't snooping to get to know the OP, more than likely she's looking for things so her son will break things off and/or move out. My husband avoided all confrontation with his Mom and it led to a lot of harder things in my personal relationship with his Mom. I would say she definitely needs to have a difficult conversation with her boyfriend, and if nothing changes then I would go back to living alone.
Red Flag #1-Mom snoops through your house. The vast majority of people don't like anyone snooping through their stuff. Even spouses. Your boyfriends mom not even on the list. Red Flag #2 -The fact that defends mom on this. Red Flag #3-Her snooping and his attitude means that HE will be going through your stuff in no time. Red Flag #4- This dude can't clean or his laundry?!? WTF is up with that. Red Flag #5-You. You know he can't take care of himself, contribute to cleaning, has an intrusive mom, and will likely go through your stuff in the future. And you want to live this guy? In 2 years I'll be reading about your bad breakup on BP under the title "Stories of Self-Inflicted Misery"
NTA. How old is this guy? 17? It sounds like you're marrying a toddler who won't stand up to the mother who refuses to cut the apron strings. You shouldn't be moving in with or dating this guy, he's not old enough. Send him to Italy to live with the rest of the "mammoni".
I love the idea of putting increasing sizes of butt plugs in there. It'd be tempting to make a BDSM room or a satanic room. Little boy needs to set Mom straight or she's always going to be snooping into your relationship. It's not you making things difficult for him, it's his mother. Cut him loose unless he can start setting boundaries with his Mom. I can't imagine being snooped on like that!
Maybe he thinks it's okay because it's his mom. She isn't your mom. He needs to choose to support your (and his) privacy or he needs to move out. I'd never put up with that. I am a mother in law and would never, ever, do that. My boys would be horrified if I did.
Of course she is an AH the technically correct type of AH which is the best type to be. How would he have felt if she printed out urologist note discussing invited due to his narrow urethra or a fake medical test that says ED and the possibility that he is not "entertained" by women. In all honesty I think she should go that route and see what happens
Ruuuuun... this man's umbilical cord obviously hasn't been cut yet. Time to yeet him and his disrespecting mommy the hell out of there.
Dated for four years.it took that long for him to move in. There's a red flag already
When you go over to her house snoop go through her store stuff go in her drawers she won't understand it until she feels it herself when she asked to say I'm just tidying
What is it with all of these women married to mommas boys with snooping MILs...I'm not going to NTA this one YTA for not taking real control of the situation and set some ground rules with a consequence of not being able to visit if she can respect their home. If her fiancé has a problem with it tell him that he can live with his mother then. And when are we going to finally see one of the stories where the girl leaves a real surprise like mouse traps so MIL gets her finger snapped if she snoops. I'd be so single if dudes mother came around and started screaming cause she was snooping through my night stand and got "caught" 😈
Not the A$$! Red flag for sure that he defends her snooping and literally invading your privacy. I would be even more ( but thats me!) a giant dildo and in a box , and a sweet, loving note to your fiancé in a much more hidden spot. The note should read, my love, i decided it wasn't weird that you want this and for me to use it on you! I think its fine that we broaden our areas of love and sex with each other! I hope you love your gift!! And if she snooped in this very private place and found it, lifted the lid, and then spoke with her son? Well, id have a very important talk with him and be firm. If he cant put your privacy And relationship first, then you need to reevaluate the relationship. Sure you want to have a good relationship with your future MIL, but, snooping in to your private things and business is literally NONE OF HER BUSINESS! And let him know from now on it will not be acceptable, and for the record, it never has been.
NTA, but what are you doing while she's nosing around? Sitting on the couch watching TV? Get up and catch her going thru your stuff then tell her off - and not nicely.
What comes to my mind is that MIL gotta have to "cut the umbilical cord". If my MIL would be doing that, I would have been crazy. And like others have said already, I would have going creative and leave stuff and at some point I would ask her "what the actually heck she's doing?"
I thought her fiancées name was AI as in Ai as in robot. But like seriously NTA he seems like a complete mamas boy and that s**t bout nervous energy yup sure she can go through his private stuff then NOT YOURS he is not going to set boundaries with his mother then don't let him move in don't marry him don't let his mother near your house. just don't tell him that once he sets boundaries then she can come back
As a mother, it just boggles my mind that any parent (and adult child) would think it was okay to snoop thru their belongings, much less belongings of the girlfriend/boyfriend. I would not have left notes, I would have told her outright that it was not okay, and to not do it again. As for the boyfriend, he probably should still be living at home with mom.
end this now. He's choosing FOO over FOC and that a is a sign he is not ready for a committed relationship when mommy trumps GF or wife. End this and tell him why too. He needs to learn and grow up.
158
77