Catholic Woman Doesn’t Want Her Sister To Bring Her Girlfriend To Her Wedding, Starts A Family Conflict
You should be allowed to be your authentic self and your family members should support you no matter what. At least that’s the idea. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. Redditor ThrowawayNZ2000, who is bisexual, shared how she refused to attend her sister’s wedding because her family didn’t want her bringing her girlfriend to the ceremony.
The couple has been dating for a year now, but her family thought that the wedding wasn’t the place to “make a statement.” The bride’s family is catholic, as is the groom’s. And while the bride’s family all know about the redditor having a gf, they’re less than enthused and don’t want to have to explain things to the groom and his family members.
So ThrowawayNZ2000 was forced to pick between her partner and her family, a choice that nobody should have to make. Alas! Have a read through the full story below and scroll down for Bored Panda’s interview with a pair of wedding experts who explained what to do when you and your guests’ world views don’t align.
A woman shared how she was forced to choose between her partner and her religious family when it came to her sister’s wedding in Hawaii
Image credits: Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowawayNZ2000
According to redditor ThrowawayNZ2000, her family members weren’t willing to compromise. So she decided to stand up for her partner because she realized that she would deeply regret not doing so lately. Though, to be fair, she also pointed out that she was very sad that she couldn’t take part in her sister’s wedding either.
Family drama ensued after she made her final decision and her sister ended up being very upset that she wouldn’t have a bridesmaid at her intimate, family-only Hawaii wedding.
Meanwhile, Bored Panda spoke to Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society about similar situations. They explained that couples should be aware that they’ll never create the ‘perfect’ guestlist and should be more diplomatic and lenient if not everyone sees the world as they do.
The most important part is celebrating love with the people you care about (and the people that they care about), not fighting over who’s right and wrong.
“You’re never going to know everything about everyone you invite and you’re never going to have all your values align 100% with everyone you care about,” Anna and Sarah told Bored panda.
“Unless it’s a massive dealbreaker, try to remember that it’s just one day of your life, and having someone there who you don’t even really have to engage with is sometimes the kinder action than alienating someone for having a different view to yours,” they suggested that kindness and diplomacy tend to be better in the long run than alienation and drama. And sometimes… it’s best to set aside your own views and desire to be in the right for the sake of a smooth wedding with a variety of guests. We’re all human, after all.
Reddit overwhelmingly declared that the woman was right to refuse to attend the wedding. Here’s what some of them said
Life is simple: If the person that I love is not welcome than I'm not welcome. I have no desire to be with people who really don't want me there. I'll gladly choose the companionship of my love over that of some entitled prejudiced bigots who made themselves obsolete in my world.
I don't get why plus one has to mean "person of the opposite gender who is romantically involved". When I got married, my mum's cousin had just recently gotten divorced, but didn't want to sit by herself, nor mess with our seating numbers, so asked if she could bring her best friend as a plus one. She's straight (and even if she wasn't it wouldn't have been an issue - there were at least 2 other LGBTQ+ couples in attendance) and just wanted someone there she knew she could talk to. I went to another wedding where a guest's plus one was his elderly mother as he was her carer and thought it would be a nice day out for her (he, as far as I am aware, has never had a serious romantic partner of either gender - I do not know if this is by preference). Plus one literally means just that - the named invited guest Plus One other unnamed guest. It should be nobody's business who the named guest chooses to bring.
I've gone as a best friend's plus one to a destination wedding in Florida. We made a road trip out of it. It was great
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You’re a couple, should be treated like a couple. Sounds like your family are the a-holes, not you. Families who can’t accept LGBQTI couples should get their heads out of the sand 🤬
Honestly, she can't tell her future in-laws that she has a bi sister by next spring? That's the big problem, the fact that the bride apparently intends to lie about her sister to in her in-laws indefinitely.
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The bride got mad that she wouldn't have a bridesmaid...she didn't get upset that her only sister would not be there.
While yes the bride and groom have the right to decide who is attending their wedding it is also the guest/bridal parties right to decline. But this is an awful situation and no matter what, the ramifications for this family are going to be brutal. It's all very sad.
I agree the wedding isn't the time for his family to find out. They need to find out now. Then they either have months to get over it, or the sister has dodged a bullet
So what happens when, after the vows are said, and his family finds out that she's Bi? Will they be horrified, treat the sister differently, get the sister to shun her own family? Not a healthy way to start off a marriage with a major lie like this one. If his parents can't get over the fact that she's Bi, maybe it's the groom that should be ashamed of his family and not the other way around.
I totally agree this is the sister's problem not hers. This is not the poster making drama. If people want to cause a drama because they don't accept same sex relationships then that too, is their problem. She isn't the drama queen here. I would avoid any situation that would make me or someone I loved uncomfortable. So I would politely decline and let her explain why you are not there. Perhaps when they all grow up a bit, she can re-establish that relationship with them, but whilst they project their issues onto the poster. she should not get involved and be the bigger person by stepping back and leaving them to it.
And just so you understand where I'm coming from, in my early 20's I met a lovely man from Bangladesh. He was black, foreign and Muslim, big no no for particular people in my family. And you better believe I was an "ar$&hole" and picked who I invited much to others annoyance. As I said adults get to make their own decisions but adults need to accept the consequences of their actions.
I was raised Catholic, and I left the Church when I realized its principles were vastly different to the ones I developed as I grew up emotionally and psychologically. No one should ever, EVER use religion as an excuse for homophobia, racism, or anything else. As one of the commenters above said, Jesus doesn't like haters.
She is your family, she should NEVER have made that stipulation. If others can't handle it, that is their problem NOT her's or your's. Don't go. It is that simple and you are NOT an AH, you are an individual with a "significant person" in your life. They are not wanted, then obviously, YOUR choices are being disregarded. Thus YOU are being disregarded. I would like to remind you: Family are people you wouldn't have in your home if you weren't related to them.
Things like this are easy for me. Don’t want the person I love at your wedding? I’m not coming. Bye. Don’t want them at your wedding because your a bigot? I’m not even coming to your house anymore. Good riddance!
It is not my job to lie to you so you can avoid the discomfort of your bigotry. Grow up.
I’m catholic, my family is pretty religious, but none of us have a problem with LGBTQ (except for my mom’s aunt, but I won’t get into that). Being catholic isn’t any excuse for hateful behavior.
Your sister treat your girlfriend like some dirty secret - That's big NO.
it's not a statement if you bring someone you love, it's a statement if you don't. As then you are unwelcome and unsafe and it shows you who people really are.
I can see the bride not wanting drama to start between gay sister and homophobic inlaws at her wedding. Coming out to the homophobes at the wedding is probrably a bad idea, but surely there's time for a 'meet the inlaws' gathering before hand? Maybe the inlaws will demonstrate good manners and keep their homophobia to themselves?
I‘d rather have gay couples at my wedding than „very catholic“ people.
Very simple solution. If the bride is sincere in saying that the problem lies with the in-law family. Then simply announce to said in-law family that the sister of the bride is homosexual and will be bringing her girlfriend to the wedding. That way they can disgest that info and come to terms with it before the day and thus no "statement" gets made on the day. If they can't disgest it and come to terms with it then they (the in-laws) are welcome to not be present on the day.
Christianity should not be an excuse for homophobia! Jesus Himself said that along with 'love the Lord your God' that the most important of the Ten Commandments is 'love your neighbor as yourself'. He doesn't say HOW to love anyone, just that you need to love them. As for the homophobic passages in the Bible (even ignoring the fact that they were added in and changed in translation) , they were written by humans, with human prejudices. The Ten Commandments were written by God and therefore override any conflicting passages.
Pope Francis’ reported comments to a gay man that “God made you like this” have been embraced by the LGBT community as another sign of Francis’ desire to make gay people feel welcomed and loved in the Catholic Church. Homosexual people have the right to be in a family. They are children of God,” Francis said. “You can’t kick someone out of a family, nor make their life miserable for this. What we have to have is a civil union law; that way they are legally covered.” Pope Paul, and he's Catholic too!
I think of Dan Reynolds when I read this. He is the lead singer of Imagine Dragons and he’s also a Mormon. His wife invited two of her very good friends who happen to be gay to the wedding and they refused to go because the Mormon church refuses to recognize or embrace homosexuality. Dan actually went to the moon with regard to this he did a concert and it was right in the face of the Mormon church and they actually changed their policy because of him.
As you said; it's not about making a statement or trying to create drama. She is your partner and that needs to be respected regardless of their religious beliefs. If the can't ask Christian, even if they have to fake it, they are not Christian. Sad situation but, I wouldn't go either under those circumstances.
Definitely not the arsehole. If they're extending invites to significant others then your lady should be invited too. The ball is in her court now, it's your sister decision to accept that or not but don't allow her to play the victim here. I cannot imagine growing up in a family like that and being expected to take their views seriously.
The family need to get their priorities straight, it's 2021, gay & bi relationships are pretty much widely accepted in the West, they "accept" the relationship but don't really as it's like a dirty secret they don't want others in the wider circle to know about, the only people causing the issue is the family, they are creating the problem instead of keeping their outdated prejudices to themselves & hypocrisy "thou shall not judge" the daughter isn't going to make you gay or infect you with a gay/bi disease, she just wants to attend her sisters wedding with her partner who happens to be a woman. They are more concerned what others think than what truly matters.
If they don't accept who you are, don't go. It's not about drama - your family should support you, invite both of you and just act as normal as possible (as normal as it is) ... I mean you won't do any adultery just to piss them off, and shouldn't, but you have no reason to hide anything, to be ashamed, and the Drama already has been created by your family - and the groom could briefly brief his parents to, one time and for the sake of him and his spouse, accept that people they aren't gonna see everyday, or interact with all that much, for that matter, afterwards anyway, just accept it as it is and mind their own stuff instead of yours. Otherwise - don't go. You're who you are, no one deserves you if they don't accept you for who you are ... you should neither change nor do a job of acting there, but just, without drama and exaggeration, be yourself and offer them that accepting you might get them a daughter who otherwise is already half the way out of the door.
Catholic woman here, albeit no girlfriend... So, if I were your girlfriend I would offer to stay at home. I would offer that of my own accord in order to avoid said drama, because drama IS coming! Now, let's put aside that the relationship with your family seems problematic anyway, what you have to ask yourself is what hurts you more in the end? Not being accepted for who you are (and that includes bringing your present girlfriend) OR the fact that your parents and sister will probably be mad at you? Based thereon you make your decision.
Agreed. Everyone is not going to accept you and it's okay to be angry about that, but in this case, its a wedding and its about the couple getting married and they just want to get through the day in peace.
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By Authentic Self, you mean being homophobic. If you're judging a person based on their sexuality then you cannot expect to be exempt from being judged yourself on the grounds of your homophobia.
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Whh it is ok for the hetero couples to assist but not for her and her girlfriend? Dont be such a jerk
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Life is simple: If the person that I love is not welcome than I'm not welcome. I have no desire to be with people who really don't want me there. I'll gladly choose the companionship of my love over that of some entitled prejudiced bigots who made themselves obsolete in my world.
I don't get why plus one has to mean "person of the opposite gender who is romantically involved". When I got married, my mum's cousin had just recently gotten divorced, but didn't want to sit by herself, nor mess with our seating numbers, so asked if she could bring her best friend as a plus one. She's straight (and even if she wasn't it wouldn't have been an issue - there were at least 2 other LGBTQ+ couples in attendance) and just wanted someone there she knew she could talk to. I went to another wedding where a guest's plus one was his elderly mother as he was her carer and thought it would be a nice day out for her (he, as far as I am aware, has never had a serious romantic partner of either gender - I do not know if this is by preference). Plus one literally means just that - the named invited guest Plus One other unnamed guest. It should be nobody's business who the named guest chooses to bring.
I've gone as a best friend's plus one to a destination wedding in Florida. We made a road trip out of it. It was great
Load More Replies... You’re a couple, should be treated like a couple. Sounds like your family are the a-holes, not you. Families who can’t accept LGBQTI couples should get their heads out of the sand 🤬
Honestly, she can't tell her future in-laws that she has a bi sister by next spring? That's the big problem, the fact that the bride apparently intends to lie about her sister to in her in-laws indefinitely.
Load More Replies... The bride got mad that she wouldn't have a bridesmaid...she didn't get upset that her only sister would not be there.
While yes the bride and groom have the right to decide who is attending their wedding it is also the guest/bridal parties right to decline. But this is an awful situation and no matter what, the ramifications for this family are going to be brutal. It's all very sad.
I agree the wedding isn't the time for his family to find out. They need to find out now. Then they either have months to get over it, or the sister has dodged a bullet
So what happens when, after the vows are said, and his family finds out that she's Bi? Will they be horrified, treat the sister differently, get the sister to shun her own family? Not a healthy way to start off a marriage with a major lie like this one. If his parents can't get over the fact that she's Bi, maybe it's the groom that should be ashamed of his family and not the other way around.
I totally agree this is the sister's problem not hers. This is not the poster making drama. If people want to cause a drama because they don't accept same sex relationships then that too, is their problem. She isn't the drama queen here. I would avoid any situation that would make me or someone I loved uncomfortable. So I would politely decline and let her explain why you are not there. Perhaps when they all grow up a bit, she can re-establish that relationship with them, but whilst they project their issues onto the poster. she should not get involved and be the bigger person by stepping back and leaving them to it.
And just so you understand where I'm coming from, in my early 20's I met a lovely man from Bangladesh. He was black, foreign and Muslim, big no no for particular people in my family. And you better believe I was an "ar$&hole" and picked who I invited much to others annoyance. As I said adults get to make their own decisions but adults need to accept the consequences of their actions.
I was raised Catholic, and I left the Church when I realized its principles were vastly different to the ones I developed as I grew up emotionally and psychologically. No one should ever, EVER use religion as an excuse for homophobia, racism, or anything else. As one of the commenters above said, Jesus doesn't like haters.
She is your family, she should NEVER have made that stipulation. If others can't handle it, that is their problem NOT her's or your's. Don't go. It is that simple and you are NOT an AH, you are an individual with a "significant person" in your life. They are not wanted, then obviously, YOUR choices are being disregarded. Thus YOU are being disregarded. I would like to remind you: Family are people you wouldn't have in your home if you weren't related to them.
Things like this are easy for me. Don’t want the person I love at your wedding? I’m not coming. Bye. Don’t want them at your wedding because your a bigot? I’m not even coming to your house anymore. Good riddance!
It is not my job to lie to you so you can avoid the discomfort of your bigotry. Grow up.
I’m catholic, my family is pretty religious, but none of us have a problem with LGBTQ (except for my mom’s aunt, but I won’t get into that). Being catholic isn’t any excuse for hateful behavior.
Your sister treat your girlfriend like some dirty secret - That's big NO.
it's not a statement if you bring someone you love, it's a statement if you don't. As then you are unwelcome and unsafe and it shows you who people really are.
I can see the bride not wanting drama to start between gay sister and homophobic inlaws at her wedding. Coming out to the homophobes at the wedding is probrably a bad idea, but surely there's time for a 'meet the inlaws' gathering before hand? Maybe the inlaws will demonstrate good manners and keep their homophobia to themselves?
I‘d rather have gay couples at my wedding than „very catholic“ people.
Very simple solution. If the bride is sincere in saying that the problem lies with the in-law family. Then simply announce to said in-law family that the sister of the bride is homosexual and will be bringing her girlfriend to the wedding. That way they can disgest that info and come to terms with it before the day and thus no "statement" gets made on the day. If they can't disgest it and come to terms with it then they (the in-laws) are welcome to not be present on the day.
Christianity should not be an excuse for homophobia! Jesus Himself said that along with 'love the Lord your God' that the most important of the Ten Commandments is 'love your neighbor as yourself'. He doesn't say HOW to love anyone, just that you need to love them. As for the homophobic passages in the Bible (even ignoring the fact that they were added in and changed in translation) , they were written by humans, with human prejudices. The Ten Commandments were written by God and therefore override any conflicting passages.
Pope Francis’ reported comments to a gay man that “God made you like this” have been embraced by the LGBT community as another sign of Francis’ desire to make gay people feel welcomed and loved in the Catholic Church. Homosexual people have the right to be in a family. They are children of God,” Francis said. “You can’t kick someone out of a family, nor make their life miserable for this. What we have to have is a civil union law; that way they are legally covered.” Pope Paul, and he's Catholic too!
I think of Dan Reynolds when I read this. He is the lead singer of Imagine Dragons and he’s also a Mormon. His wife invited two of her very good friends who happen to be gay to the wedding and they refused to go because the Mormon church refuses to recognize or embrace homosexuality. Dan actually went to the moon with regard to this he did a concert and it was right in the face of the Mormon church and they actually changed their policy because of him.
As you said; it's not about making a statement or trying to create drama. She is your partner and that needs to be respected regardless of their religious beliefs. If the can't ask Christian, even if they have to fake it, they are not Christian. Sad situation but, I wouldn't go either under those circumstances.
Definitely not the arsehole. If they're extending invites to significant others then your lady should be invited too. The ball is in her court now, it's your sister decision to accept that or not but don't allow her to play the victim here. I cannot imagine growing up in a family like that and being expected to take their views seriously.
The family need to get their priorities straight, it's 2021, gay & bi relationships are pretty much widely accepted in the West, they "accept" the relationship but don't really as it's like a dirty secret they don't want others in the wider circle to know about, the only people causing the issue is the family, they are creating the problem instead of keeping their outdated prejudices to themselves & hypocrisy "thou shall not judge" the daughter isn't going to make you gay or infect you with a gay/bi disease, she just wants to attend her sisters wedding with her partner who happens to be a woman. They are more concerned what others think than what truly matters.
If they don't accept who you are, don't go. It's not about drama - your family should support you, invite both of you and just act as normal as possible (as normal as it is) ... I mean you won't do any adultery just to piss them off, and shouldn't, but you have no reason to hide anything, to be ashamed, and the Drama already has been created by your family - and the groom could briefly brief his parents to, one time and for the sake of him and his spouse, accept that people they aren't gonna see everyday, or interact with all that much, for that matter, afterwards anyway, just accept it as it is and mind their own stuff instead of yours. Otherwise - don't go. You're who you are, no one deserves you if they don't accept you for who you are ... you should neither change nor do a job of acting there, but just, without drama and exaggeration, be yourself and offer them that accepting you might get them a daughter who otherwise is already half the way out of the door.
Catholic woman here, albeit no girlfriend... So, if I were your girlfriend I would offer to stay at home. I would offer that of my own accord in order to avoid said drama, because drama IS coming! Now, let's put aside that the relationship with your family seems problematic anyway, what you have to ask yourself is what hurts you more in the end? Not being accepted for who you are (and that includes bringing your present girlfriend) OR the fact that your parents and sister will probably be mad at you? Based thereon you make your decision.
Agreed. Everyone is not going to accept you and it's okay to be angry about that, but in this case, its a wedding and its about the couple getting married and they just want to get through the day in peace.
Load More Replies... By Authentic Self, you mean being homophobic. If you're judging a person based on their sexuality then you cannot expect to be exempt from being judged yourself on the grounds of your homophobia.
Load More Replies... Whh it is ok for the hetero couples to assist but not for her and her girlfriend? Dont be such a jerk
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