“Susan Said She Hopes I Get Hit By A Car?”: Discussion Ensues After Woman Shares How Being The Only Single Childless Person At Work Is Wild
In the old days, there was a tradition in many countries, and even an official rule, that after reaching a certain age, people who did not start a family or have children were subject to a special tax or paid fines. Today, our society has come very far from such views, and sometimes family people envy their single friends.
Of course, we in no way want to say that family and children are bad. On the contrary, it’s amazing, but let’s admit to ourselves – can any mother or father say they’ve never dreamed for a moment of returning to their childless days for at least a couple of hours? They definitely have.
Just recently, blogger McErin wrote a tweet that literally confirms what we have already said. The woman is the only one in her office who is not married and has no children, and when colleagues discussed a bunch of family matters over the past weekend, she simply told them that she went to the farmers market… and that’s it. As the original poster wrote, after her words, three of her coworkers gasped and one even cried…
The tweet almost immediately went viral, with 212.5K likes and 10.1K retweets so far. And, well, almost a thousand people decided to share similar stories from their own experience.
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The Original Poster told her colleagues how easy it is to spend the weekend being childless, which caused a dramatic reaction
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Scientists say that there are three major benefits of being childless
In her article “Advantages and Disadvantages of Being Childfree” on the Psychology Today website, Ph.D. Ellen Walker lists three major benefits of being childless. First, you have time for self-care and for other relationships. Second, you can dedicate your time to your career or to other interests that will help the world as a whole.
Finally, the world will be less crowded and resources less depleted. However, this position also has it’s own disadvantages – it’s just that at certain moments, the benefits are more noticeable.
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The OP states that her initial tweet is nothing more than an attempt to perceive the situation with humor
By the way, the Original Poster herself noted that her initial tweet should be taken as nothing more than an attempt to perceive the situation with humor. The fact is that, as is often the case on the internet, a heated argument broke out in the comments between staunch childfree people and adherents of traditional family values.
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In fact, each position in this discussion is worth respect – as long as it is spoken politely
In fact, the most important thing here is to have respect for those who one position or another, and try not to judge people simply because their lifestyle or beliefs do not match yours. As one of the author’s comments wrote, “I like that I have a family, but I totally respect those who do not want to have children.”
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The childfree position is sometimes still heavily criticized by relatives and friends
Leslie-Ashburn Nardo, a psychology professor at Indiana University, co-wrote an academic study on this very topic. “Relative to targets who had chosen to have two children, voluntarily childfree women and men were penalized by perceivers,” says professor Nardo.
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“Specifically, they were perceived as leading less fulfilling lives than do people who had chosen to have children,” notes Nardo. “Moreover, their decision to forgo parenthood, arguably individuals’ most personal choice, evoked moral outrage – anger, disgust, and disapproval.” Actually, it is believed that parents’ attempts to self-realize through their own children harm not only the kids, but also the parents themselves.
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By the way, sometimes it happens that people who decide not to have children become active pet lovers, and even replace parenthood with them. Sometimes this leads to funny situations – for example, as with this dog mom, the heroine of this post on Bored Panda. And we, as usual, highly appreciate your comments and our own stories on this topic.
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Share on FacebookAre these the same one that expect child free people at work to cancel their own vacations and think they are entitled to our vacation days before us? Simply put: Your inability to operate birth control is not every else’s problem.
I don't get it. Why can't the parents go to the Farmer's Market or have a slow weekend? I have two kids and we do that kind of stuff with them all the time 🤷♀️
My daughters and I love going to the Farmer’s Market. I think some people have an oddly skewed view of what raising kids is actually like. I’ve never had any issues taking my kids anywhere, and the 14 year-old is even on the autism spectrum.
Load More Replies...I don’t understand why people are talking about the childless as inferior. I tried for 15 years and I wasn’t able to have children. It was very painful and I’m really sick of having to explain to people why we don’t have children. It’s cruel in reality! And please don’t respond with how we should do foster care or adoption. I grew up in foster care. We know our options and we are taking the appropriate steps.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. Me and my partner agreed pretty much on day 1 neither of us wanted kids and we’ve been immensely lucky our family haven’t tried to force the issue. That being said within our wider community we’ve definitely noticed we’re regarded as “odd” and myself (male) even potentially slightly sinister for not having kids. After all if a guy doesn’t want kids there must be something questionable about him (implying some form of sexual deviancy etc) - certainly according to one woman decided never to speak to again…
Load More Replies...Everyone has different lives, different levels of energy, different ideas of what's enjoyable. Doesn't matter if you have kids or not. No one's life is better than everyone else just because they have or don't have kids. Besides, kids grow up. By the times they're old enough to have some skills in the kitchen to feed themselves and go off with their friends parents can take a lot of rest time. The only time I cried at work thinking about being a parent was guilt for being at work and not spending time with my daughter, and taking her to the events I would see other parents taking their kids to on my break time. Perhaps the parents the OP mentioned were upset in a similar way. Then again, it appears to be a tweet trying to be funny.
But also, people are in different stages of life. Many childless people complaining about parents will some day have their own small children. Or they are people with grown children who no longer have sympathy for parents.
Load More Replies...I understand it can be stressful with kids (have 3), especially when they are younger... and totally understand the envy from time to time (even though I would never blame someone else for my feelings). Come on! People that choose to be childfree deserve the benefits from their choice. That's nothing to be angry about. Just try to be happy for them! Just like parents can enjoy the highlights of parenthood (hopefully their choice) that childfree people can't. There are pro's and con's with everything.
All my time is used to make sure a kid doesn't have to suffer me as their father. Like, that's 100% of my time. How many people spend literally 100% of their time parenting their kids? Joking, of course, aside from that no kid should have me as their father.
Load More Replies...A coworker CRIED when she said she went to the farmer's market? Seriously???
Me: I slept until 11, then laid in bed on my phone for another hour. Later I will order Thai food and sit on the couch watching British mysteries.
Oh that sounds like my perfect weekend. But with spareribs instead of Thai. Or some good Italian risotto.
Load More Replies...I've never experienced anything like this in the workplace. Where the heck does this woman live, anyway?
Yeah I was childless until my 30's, maybe this happened but it wasn't a big deal? I don't remember any resentment toward people with kids. And I worked with almost all women.
Load More Replies...At my last workplace I was like this. Only person who according to others "had no family". Meant I spent weekends doing what I wanted to or not doing anything at all. But worst part was that I was asked to take over others' leftover work, fill in for others, overtime(no pay),come on days off if needed. And the number of times I have heard oh you don't have expenses,it's just you! is surreal. I still get that from my friends (most of them married with kids)that I don't have any issues in my life. And I am usually good with kids which according to them is because I don't have any(true ?)
Had a similar conversation at work about not only no kids (not a choice, BTW, just what happened) but no TV either. They said, what on earth do you do when you get home? I said, we make dinner, eat, talk, go for a walk or bike ride. Literally watched them silently review their life choices.
I've been lucky that, as a childless man, my co-workers with kids have never felt entitled about me giving them priority over everything. Though, since I do have the flexibility and essentially no family to be obligated to, I do try to be considerate and defer to them, in general. It's just the people that feel special for having a kid, oblivious and inconsiderate to everyone else, and/or entitled to everyone else catering to their every need and want.
I have a dog. I work two weeks on, two weeks off. So do my crew mates. What they do on their free time is none of my business. But those two weeks are very long days. So if I want to spend my free time doing nothing and you complain about it, you can spend a week doing my job. My sister hates me for having a job that allows me to vanish for half a month. You choose to have kids, I choose to be child free.
Parents who rail against the lazy, decadent, care-free people who chose to be child-free are eaten up with envy. They dare not express such, and on top of having to homeschool (!), and no time, money, sleep, or freedom - they are beside themselves, inside....Well, (chuckle) - you WANTED to be a parent like you see them having fun on the teevee. Enjoy! (I had one, and I enjoyed my SAHM life, it was a breeze compared to today.)
I dunno. I was bored and lonely a lot when I was childless. I had my kid very late in life, and the delights of being childfree do tend to pall after a while. There are only so many drunken parties one can go to before they all blend together in one awkward ball of yuck, and only so many lonely outings where you watch families doing their thing and feel like you're missing out. I'd rather hang out with my kid and have fun with her. And yes, I homeschool her, and have done so for 2 years now. I love the homeschooling.
Load More Replies...If I were the only person at my work place to not have kids, the odds are that I would also be the only one to have either childhood brain cancer or epilepsy. Both are more than enough for me, physically, emotionally(regarding my prescription), and financially.
There are advantages and disadvantages to both: having and not having children. I am alos childless and was sad about it for a long time. Eventually, I settled in this kind of life, realized a lot of the sadess is society telling me I should be sad and accepted that i am just really happy with my life. Yes, I misssed out on a lot of love and fun, but I also missed out on a LOT of agony. Overall, it balances itself out.
We were unable to have kids, but have both chosen to have kids in our life through teaching. I have had people say things, assume things, and do things to me that were absolutely unconscionable because of this. It becomes a topic of discussion when people discover that we have no children. To expect me to "have an excuse" for this "condition" is rude in the extreme. When I was accused of "the murder of my unborn children", I was devastated. But there it is. I prefer not to discuss my medical history or my reasoning with anyone. Whether a person has children or does not have children does not make them normal or abnormal. We really are all just people with our own life, our own values, our own beliefs. If you have children, love them. Deserve them. If you don't have children, enjoy the family you build with friends, partners, associates. Neither of these life choices make you "more than", or "less than."
I remember many years ago when I had a full time + job, a husband that was out of town more than in, and two kids under 3, there was a similar discussion at lunch. The young single girl had a fun date one night and just relaxed the rest of the weekend. I just laughed and asked her if she wanted to switch weekends next week. We all giggled, she offered to babysit so we could go on a date, and moved on. Down the road a few years, my kids are young teenagers, doing their own laundry, helping with housework, taking turns cooking dinner. My weekends were pretty relaxed, we did what we wanted. Sometimes as a couple, sometimes as a family. That same girl was now married with a couple little kids and wanted to trade me weekends. Resulted in an interesting discussion about the cycle of life. And I offered to babysit so she could have a date night.
But even when the kids were small I made a point to do a load of laundry out two every day and keep on top of the housework so we could do family things on the weekend when we were all together. And as they got older they had a limit on extracurricular activities or lessons, usually one at a time, rarely two, so we weren’t in the car all the time. They’re well rounded adults that have college degrees and hobbies they enjoy raising their kids the same way.
Load More Replies...I seem to have a different reading of this than most people. Coworkers seemed to react like people do at an indulgent dessert. Like it's a treat they desire to have. It's not about the farmers market, perse, it's about the lack of demands on OP's time. And to claim that people shouldn't have had children if they desire to have a break from the demands of said children is ridiculous.
Someone CRIED because you went to the farmer's market? I don't get it. I can't believe an adult cried because someone went to the farmer's market.
It's probably the fact that she hasn't been shopping without a kid for a while. I have been the primary caregiver for 13 years for my kids, I rarely get a moment to myself unless I am working. My husband just took the kids on a camping trip for 7 days. It has been so long since I have been free to do anything I want. I love my kids and would choose to have them no matter what. But loosing yourself in your kids happen and you crave for even a quick shopping trip without kids. Crying was a bit dramatic though.
Load More Replies...Are these the same one that expect child free people at work to cancel their own vacations and think they are entitled to our vacation days before us? Simply put: Your inability to operate birth control is not every else’s problem.
I don't get it. Why can't the parents go to the Farmer's Market or have a slow weekend? I have two kids and we do that kind of stuff with them all the time 🤷♀️
My daughters and I love going to the Farmer’s Market. I think some people have an oddly skewed view of what raising kids is actually like. I’ve never had any issues taking my kids anywhere, and the 14 year-old is even on the autism spectrum.
Load More Replies...I don’t understand why people are talking about the childless as inferior. I tried for 15 years and I wasn’t able to have children. It was very painful and I’m really sick of having to explain to people why we don’t have children. It’s cruel in reality! And please don’t respond with how we should do foster care or adoption. I grew up in foster care. We know our options and we are taking the appropriate steps.
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. Me and my partner agreed pretty much on day 1 neither of us wanted kids and we’ve been immensely lucky our family haven’t tried to force the issue. That being said within our wider community we’ve definitely noticed we’re regarded as “odd” and myself (male) even potentially slightly sinister for not having kids. After all if a guy doesn’t want kids there must be something questionable about him (implying some form of sexual deviancy etc) - certainly according to one woman decided never to speak to again…
Load More Replies...Everyone has different lives, different levels of energy, different ideas of what's enjoyable. Doesn't matter if you have kids or not. No one's life is better than everyone else just because they have or don't have kids. Besides, kids grow up. By the times they're old enough to have some skills in the kitchen to feed themselves and go off with their friends parents can take a lot of rest time. The only time I cried at work thinking about being a parent was guilt for being at work and not spending time with my daughter, and taking her to the events I would see other parents taking their kids to on my break time. Perhaps the parents the OP mentioned were upset in a similar way. Then again, it appears to be a tweet trying to be funny.
But also, people are in different stages of life. Many childless people complaining about parents will some day have their own small children. Or they are people with grown children who no longer have sympathy for parents.
Load More Replies...I understand it can be stressful with kids (have 3), especially when they are younger... and totally understand the envy from time to time (even though I would never blame someone else for my feelings). Come on! People that choose to be childfree deserve the benefits from their choice. That's nothing to be angry about. Just try to be happy for them! Just like parents can enjoy the highlights of parenthood (hopefully their choice) that childfree people can't. There are pro's and con's with everything.
All my time is used to make sure a kid doesn't have to suffer me as their father. Like, that's 100% of my time. How many people spend literally 100% of their time parenting their kids? Joking, of course, aside from that no kid should have me as their father.
Load More Replies...A coworker CRIED when she said she went to the farmer's market? Seriously???
Me: I slept until 11, then laid in bed on my phone for another hour. Later I will order Thai food and sit on the couch watching British mysteries.
Oh that sounds like my perfect weekend. But with spareribs instead of Thai. Or some good Italian risotto.
Load More Replies...I've never experienced anything like this in the workplace. Where the heck does this woman live, anyway?
Yeah I was childless until my 30's, maybe this happened but it wasn't a big deal? I don't remember any resentment toward people with kids. And I worked with almost all women.
Load More Replies...At my last workplace I was like this. Only person who according to others "had no family". Meant I spent weekends doing what I wanted to or not doing anything at all. But worst part was that I was asked to take over others' leftover work, fill in for others, overtime(no pay),come on days off if needed. And the number of times I have heard oh you don't have expenses,it's just you! is surreal. I still get that from my friends (most of them married with kids)that I don't have any issues in my life. And I am usually good with kids which according to them is because I don't have any(true ?)
Had a similar conversation at work about not only no kids (not a choice, BTW, just what happened) but no TV either. They said, what on earth do you do when you get home? I said, we make dinner, eat, talk, go for a walk or bike ride. Literally watched them silently review their life choices.
I've been lucky that, as a childless man, my co-workers with kids have never felt entitled about me giving them priority over everything. Though, since I do have the flexibility and essentially no family to be obligated to, I do try to be considerate and defer to them, in general. It's just the people that feel special for having a kid, oblivious and inconsiderate to everyone else, and/or entitled to everyone else catering to their every need and want.
I have a dog. I work two weeks on, two weeks off. So do my crew mates. What they do on their free time is none of my business. But those two weeks are very long days. So if I want to spend my free time doing nothing and you complain about it, you can spend a week doing my job. My sister hates me for having a job that allows me to vanish for half a month. You choose to have kids, I choose to be child free.
Parents who rail against the lazy, decadent, care-free people who chose to be child-free are eaten up with envy. They dare not express such, and on top of having to homeschool (!), and no time, money, sleep, or freedom - they are beside themselves, inside....Well, (chuckle) - you WANTED to be a parent like you see them having fun on the teevee. Enjoy! (I had one, and I enjoyed my SAHM life, it was a breeze compared to today.)
I dunno. I was bored and lonely a lot when I was childless. I had my kid very late in life, and the delights of being childfree do tend to pall after a while. There are only so many drunken parties one can go to before they all blend together in one awkward ball of yuck, and only so many lonely outings where you watch families doing their thing and feel like you're missing out. I'd rather hang out with my kid and have fun with her. And yes, I homeschool her, and have done so for 2 years now. I love the homeschooling.
Load More Replies...If I were the only person at my work place to not have kids, the odds are that I would also be the only one to have either childhood brain cancer or epilepsy. Both are more than enough for me, physically, emotionally(regarding my prescription), and financially.
There are advantages and disadvantages to both: having and not having children. I am alos childless and was sad about it for a long time. Eventually, I settled in this kind of life, realized a lot of the sadess is society telling me I should be sad and accepted that i am just really happy with my life. Yes, I misssed out on a lot of love and fun, but I also missed out on a LOT of agony. Overall, it balances itself out.
We were unable to have kids, but have both chosen to have kids in our life through teaching. I have had people say things, assume things, and do things to me that were absolutely unconscionable because of this. It becomes a topic of discussion when people discover that we have no children. To expect me to "have an excuse" for this "condition" is rude in the extreme. When I was accused of "the murder of my unborn children", I was devastated. But there it is. I prefer not to discuss my medical history or my reasoning with anyone. Whether a person has children or does not have children does not make them normal or abnormal. We really are all just people with our own life, our own values, our own beliefs. If you have children, love them. Deserve them. If you don't have children, enjoy the family you build with friends, partners, associates. Neither of these life choices make you "more than", or "less than."
I remember many years ago when I had a full time + job, a husband that was out of town more than in, and two kids under 3, there was a similar discussion at lunch. The young single girl had a fun date one night and just relaxed the rest of the weekend. I just laughed and asked her if she wanted to switch weekends next week. We all giggled, she offered to babysit so we could go on a date, and moved on. Down the road a few years, my kids are young teenagers, doing their own laundry, helping with housework, taking turns cooking dinner. My weekends were pretty relaxed, we did what we wanted. Sometimes as a couple, sometimes as a family. That same girl was now married with a couple little kids and wanted to trade me weekends. Resulted in an interesting discussion about the cycle of life. And I offered to babysit so she could have a date night.
But even when the kids were small I made a point to do a load of laundry out two every day and keep on top of the housework so we could do family things on the weekend when we were all together. And as they got older they had a limit on extracurricular activities or lessons, usually one at a time, rarely two, so we weren’t in the car all the time. They’re well rounded adults that have college degrees and hobbies they enjoy raising their kids the same way.
Load More Replies...I seem to have a different reading of this than most people. Coworkers seemed to react like people do at an indulgent dessert. Like it's a treat they desire to have. It's not about the farmers market, perse, it's about the lack of demands on OP's time. And to claim that people shouldn't have had children if they desire to have a break from the demands of said children is ridiculous.
Someone CRIED because you went to the farmer's market? I don't get it. I can't believe an adult cried because someone went to the farmer's market.
It's probably the fact that she hasn't been shopping without a kid for a while. I have been the primary caregiver for 13 years for my kids, I rarely get a moment to myself unless I am working. My husband just took the kids on a camping trip for 7 days. It has been so long since I have been free to do anything I want. I love my kids and would choose to have them no matter what. But loosing yourself in your kids happen and you crave for even a quick shopping trip without kids. Crying was a bit dramatic though.
Load More Replies...
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