Woman Gets Disinvited From A Wedding So She Takes Back Her Wedding Dress That She Promised To Lend To The Bride, The Bride Makes A Scene
Recently, a woman has taken an incident she had with a bride to Reddit to get some advice on the incident that happened. “My sister in law liked my wedding dress a lot and she asked to wear it for her wedding,” the author, who said they were close ‘like sisters,’ recounted. So the author happily lent her the dress, but soon regretted her decision.
It turns out that after fighting with her parents who were paying for it all, the bride decided not to invite the author’s wife for ‘obvious reasons.’ “I said I won’t come unless my wife comes.” The tension between the two kept escalating and resulted in the bride uninviting her beloved SIL, and her SIL taking back the dress.
Now, with the bride furious at not getting the dress, the author wants to know if it was the right thing to do.
The bride got furious after the author asked for her dress that the bride had borrowed back
Image credits: Anthony Espinosa (not the actual photo)
It turns out, the bride decided to uninvite the author because she “didn’t want any drama” on her big day, but the situation is much more complex than that
Image credits: ____notworthit35
And this is what people commented about this whole situation
The moment she dismissed OPs feelings about her parents homophobia as "drama" she lost any shot at the high ground.
SIL is in a pretty bad position. Her parents are footing the bill, BUT in exchange for that, they also control the wedding. Perhaps she and her fiance could drop the idea of a big wedding and make only a small celebration they can afford (but with close family THEY get to choose to attend)?
Agreed. But what disqualifies her (& the brother!) is to sneakily send out single invitation after agreeing with her parents, and no heads-up visit or personal call beforehand.
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Why do you plan a costly wedding if you have no money? Why do you feel that someone cannot bring their spouse if everyone else can? Why do you let anyone interfere with your wedding, even if they pay for it? And: what kind of people would interfere with a wedding even if they paid for it? And then all of this is based on the antics of homophobic pricks. While the SIL may have vile parents, she is not the victim here for she choses money over values.
The bride is still free to get married at the courthouse, and have her sisters-in-law as the witnesses.
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I found my first wedding dress (a very very nice satin gown that most people would have thought I spent a thousand for,) at an outlet for $26, I kid you not. It cost me more to alter it! That was in 1989. This summer I married again. My husband picked out a beautiful dress, it was a beautiful lace short gown, appropriate for a 2nd wedding. It was on clearance because change of season at Nordstrom's Outlet for $22. Everyone loved the dress. SIL needs to stand up for the other SIL or buying her own dress. She can't wear the dress if she doesn't honor the union it represented the first time it was worn.
Load More Replies... I'm concerned about this brother... it's his wedding too, and he allowed his fiancee to exclude his family. Personally I couldn't marry anyone who won't treat my family with respect. And if I were the uninvited sister, I'd have to really rethink my relationship with the sister-in-law, because she chose funding for a big wedding from a bigot over family.
Every wedding that I am invited to and my spouse is not is a wedding I will not attend. If I know two people are married I would not even think about inviting one but not the other. The real kicker here is only finding out about the situation once the invitations arrive. Talk about the situation before you sent out invites. That way maybe a different solution can be found. At the very least your friend doesn't have to phone you about the invitation only being for one and you than have to explain everything. Long story short: talk to your friends and invite couples together!
If you can't afford your wedding you're not ready to get married. This exactly what over involved parents hope for, by paying they "pull the strings"
that is a werid argument. If you can't afford a big wedding, you will just have to have a small and simple one. You can still get married.
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The bride need to get a grip on her life. It's her wedding not her parents. If they are causing this much drama before the wedding, imagine what it will be like afterwards. NTA
There's an easy fix: SIL has the possibility to call the wedding off and arrange for another wedding ceremony and party that is within her budget. The brother should also tell his family in law that there isn't going to be a wedding if his sister is not allowed to come and bring her wife with her. If anyone takes offense by their presence they are very free to stay TF away or better yet cut all ties and never show their faces again, ever.
Exactly, brother needs some backbone and stand up to everyone involved for his family. If he doesn't take a stand now, they'll all know that they can push him around and get their way, whenever they want.
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This is one of the problems that come up with ridiculously extravagant weddings: whoever foots the bill feels entitled to pull all the strings. Clearly, having an expensive wedding is more important to this bride than honoring her best friend's feelings and dignity.
Where's your brothers balls? He needs to stand up to the soon to be wife and say. Hey that's my sister and her wife. So that are family and coming to my wedding because she is blood and family. Which come before some bigoted assholes that can't sit in the same room with two people that love each other.
Bride is a shallow freeloader. I would move the hell along from that relationship.
I think it sounds more like she's the victim of lifelong Narcissistic Parental Abuse and needs the love & help of a patient man to help her escape... and that his family is caught in the crossfire.
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If you and your groom can't afford the $200 for a wedding dress, maybe you should wait a bit before getting married. You know, prepare for married life and all. You should have money stashed away already, not to mention enough for the wedding. If you plan to pay more than $200 for the dress, your morals in in the tubes.
parents should lay off, I get the idea that the SIL doesn't have anything against the author's wife, but the parents are such control freaks who won't let it be their daughter's day
A very clear boundary if you ask me: the dress is her personal property, it was lent as a personal gesture, not sold, no legal contract, right? Therefore it was her right to take back the dress. The bride's parents set their boundary on the wedding dress provision. The bride should have remembered the old adage, "Don't s**t where you eat".
People shouldn't be denied privilages and invitations because of these "reasons". NTA.
Had a similar situation threatened at my wedding. Mom and Dad divorced, and Mom stated that she refused to come if I invited my Dad and his GF (although the GF was not what Mom was opposed to). I thought it over, stressed about it a few moments, and then simply replied, "I'm so sorry you feel that way. We will miss you at the wedding." Not only did she attend, she felt the need to not only match, but exceed the $$ amount my Dad was contributing.
If she can't make a wedding happen like an adult, she shouldn't be having one. Don't let her and her family go around bullying people (they clearly enjoy bullying their own daughter) and excluding people. If this girl were a proper adult she would tell her parents it's HER wedding, and she'll have it EXACTLY how she likes with WHOM she wants there, even if she has to get married at a f***ing gas station. Why do people have no balls when it comes to dealing with their own family? Leave the situation as is, your dress in your closet and her wedding day free in your calendar. You and your wife do your thing and screw them all.
Stupid SIL I would have told parents I'd foot the bill for my future SIL and her wife and that way I could have worn the dress. You were very right to get your dress bk, she should have fought harder for you. What would happen in the future, your kids not allowed to their kids parties etc etc #pathetic
Okay this may sound totally archaic bad. Look if you don't want to be controlled over anything then you need to take charge. It's your wedding and your parents are paying? Why? That is no way to start a life. The "investment" into your life just opened the door to a ton of meddling in the future.
Here is an idea, turn it into a tie-dye dress with rainbow colors. Then give it to her, preferably sent to the parent's address. Inner Monologue: I hate weddings and funerals. Uninviting me is the best gift I can get. But, if I get my ass off the couch to attend your expensive, corny, poorly planned and incredibly boring wedding, I expect to inflict the same level of torture on my spouse. I also expect the family to treat both of us as human beings.
Well, dear, maybe you and your sister-in-law are not as sisterly as you have assumed.
Parent are paying, Parent are choosing guest list Parent will have to pay for the dress..
NTA - you aren't a doormat. Not everyone has to like you, not everyone has to be supportive of your marriage. But people who claim to be friends don't get to give in to homophobes and discriminate against you, and then still expect you to do them a favour. Why are brother and SIL not standing up to the parents, and saying "this couple is part of our family, and they are invited, and we expect you to be civil"?
How do people decide to get married when they have no money? Keep your dress. She doesn't deserve it.
The same way that they decide to have kids when they have no money... they fall in love and stuff happens 😉😏
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I would've altered the dress with VERY bright and VISIBLE rainbow ... and let the bride borrow it ;)
GOOD FOR HER!!! Just because she married the Woman of her Dreams. Good for her to take back her dress and ruin that woman's wedding. For who are we to judge? And that is EXACTLY what those people were doing. "Judging"
I see both sides. It's the brides family who are assholes. Obviously bride doesn't have an issue with OP since they are close. I can see why bride just wants things to go smoothly and not have big drama on the day. OP and family are putting bride in the middle and that's not really fair. But I can see why OP is hurt and not wanting to lend dress to a wedding she can't even attend. Groom and his family need to step up and advocate for OP and her wife. Nobody seems to be winning in this situation except brides horrible family.
The way I see it is if the sister in law's wife is not good enough to be there then neither is her wedding dress. The wife not being present doesn't suddenly make the OP straight or something, so to ask her not to bring her is nonsense. The bride's parents are moronic judgmental hypocrites. It's OK for their daughter to get married in a dress that was worn in a lesbian wedding, but it's not OK for one of the two individuals that got married in said wedding to be at this wedding.
If this was me, I'd be looking to my brother. Does he even realize that this is indicative of his future? Do her parents realize this? Why are they allowing their child/sister to be discriminated against? This person is going to be a member of their family and she's going to be brining the drama of her own family to them. Nope. Not if it were happening to me. I wouldn't put up with that BS.
NTA but I feel sorry for the SIL. I have an overbearing mother, I know what it's like to feel like you can't make any decision by yourself. And especially as the parents are paying for the wedding, there's really nothing else SIL could have done.
The best thing is to not let parents pay for weddings. You pay, you control. If you can't afford a big wedding then accept you have to go small. The marriage matters way more than the wedding and if people can't see that then they have their priorities skewed.
Load More Replies... Idk I kind of feel like SIL is caught in the middle here, as it wasn't her choice to not invite OP's wife but her parents'. On the other hand, I agree with Franc Esca below - if you let your parents pay for your wedding, then that's how they get to pull the strings on your marriage. If I were OP, I would've taken back the dress as well, I think.
Whoops accidentally pressed enter lol. Anyways I'm a kid rn and my parents have said they'll pay for my college in the future. But I'm secretly gay and they're homophobic. So if I came out, they probably wouldn't pay for my college. If I waited until after they payed and I got my degree to come out, would that be an AH move?
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I can sympathise with SIL - she is stuck between her parents (the financers) and OP but as someone else said, actions have consequences. A wedding can still proceed without a dress anyway.
The SIL is between a rock and hard place. But I can also understand the position of the author. I guess, it'll be a really simple wedding dress from ight in the box or similar. The real assholes are the family in the background.
I'd love to have a job making up these hypothetical situations, it's pure clickbait. Can't wait to see what tomorrow's moral dilemma will be.
You can. Just head over to r/AITA and post away. Whether it's true or not, it's fun to think about and can be helpful for empathy-building.
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I'd say YTA. If it was the SIL paying for the wedding and making this decosion it would be NTA, but she has no say in it so op is just being unreasonable.
ESA. Parents obviously. Sister in law for not fighting harder for the OP and her wife and still expecting to use the dress and by extension supporting obvious bigotry. Brother for staying conspicuously absent. OP for not being the bigger person. She is the least AH of them all, but it sounds like the bride is more weak willed than a "bad person" especially given the rest of their relationship. Even if it is justified, it is still kind of verdictive.
How much of a "bigger person" do you expect OP to be? Does she need to divorce her wife too, just so that she won't offend the homophobes? Either she's family or she's not. If she's family, she gets invited to the wedding with her spouse and she lends the SIL her wedding dress. If she's not family, she doesn't attend the wedding, and she does not lend the SIL the wedding dress. You don't get to spit in someone's face and then expect them to help you.
Load More Replies... Everything about this sounds so AITA. Yes they're assholes, but they're not as vindictive as the OP. The dress came with conditions? You all suck.
Are you serious? Don't let her EGO hurt her sister in law? You think her taking her dress back and not putting up with her SIL's silent approval of homophobia is about her EGO???🤦🏾♀️
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SIL is a grownup. If she's not a grownup, she's too young to get married. If she is a grownup, she needs to own her choices.
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The moment she dismissed OPs feelings about her parents homophobia as "drama" she lost any shot at the high ground.
SIL is in a pretty bad position. Her parents are footing the bill, BUT in exchange for that, they also control the wedding. Perhaps she and her fiance could drop the idea of a big wedding and make only a small celebration they can afford (but with close family THEY get to choose to attend)?
Agreed. But what disqualifies her (& the brother!) is to sneakily send out single invitation after agreeing with her parents, and no heads-up visit or personal call beforehand.
Load More Replies... Why do you plan a costly wedding if you have no money? Why do you feel that someone cannot bring their spouse if everyone else can? Why do you let anyone interfere with your wedding, even if they pay for it? And: what kind of people would interfere with a wedding even if they paid for it? And then all of this is based on the antics of homophobic pricks. While the SIL may have vile parents, she is not the victim here for she choses money over values.
The bride is still free to get married at the courthouse, and have her sisters-in-law as the witnesses.
Load More Replies... I found my first wedding dress (a very very nice satin gown that most people would have thought I spent a thousand for,) at an outlet for $26, I kid you not. It cost me more to alter it! That was in 1989. This summer I married again. My husband picked out a beautiful dress, it was a beautiful lace short gown, appropriate for a 2nd wedding. It was on clearance because change of season at Nordstrom's Outlet for $22. Everyone loved the dress. SIL needs to stand up for the other SIL or buying her own dress. She can't wear the dress if she doesn't honor the union it represented the first time it was worn.
Load More Replies... I'm concerned about this brother... it's his wedding too, and he allowed his fiancee to exclude his family. Personally I couldn't marry anyone who won't treat my family with respect. And if I were the uninvited sister, I'd have to really rethink my relationship with the sister-in-law, because she chose funding for a big wedding from a bigot over family.
Every wedding that I am invited to and my spouse is not is a wedding I will not attend. If I know two people are married I would not even think about inviting one but not the other. The real kicker here is only finding out about the situation once the invitations arrive. Talk about the situation before you sent out invites. That way maybe a different solution can be found. At the very least your friend doesn't have to phone you about the invitation only being for one and you than have to explain everything. Long story short: talk to your friends and invite couples together!
If you can't afford your wedding you're not ready to get married. This exactly what over involved parents hope for, by paying they "pull the strings"
that is a werid argument. If you can't afford a big wedding, you will just have to have a small and simple one. You can still get married.
Load More Replies... The bride need to get a grip on her life. It's her wedding not her parents. If they are causing this much drama before the wedding, imagine what it will be like afterwards. NTA
There's an easy fix: SIL has the possibility to call the wedding off and arrange for another wedding ceremony and party that is within her budget. The brother should also tell his family in law that there isn't going to be a wedding if his sister is not allowed to come and bring her wife with her. If anyone takes offense by their presence they are very free to stay TF away or better yet cut all ties and never show their faces again, ever.
Exactly, brother needs some backbone and stand up to everyone involved for his family. If he doesn't take a stand now, they'll all know that they can push him around and get their way, whenever they want.
Load More Replies... This is one of the problems that come up with ridiculously extravagant weddings: whoever foots the bill feels entitled to pull all the strings. Clearly, having an expensive wedding is more important to this bride than honoring her best friend's feelings and dignity.
Where's your brothers balls? He needs to stand up to the soon to be wife and say. Hey that's my sister and her wife. So that are family and coming to my wedding because she is blood and family. Which come before some bigoted assholes that can't sit in the same room with two people that love each other.
Bride is a shallow freeloader. I would move the hell along from that relationship.
I think it sounds more like she's the victim of lifelong Narcissistic Parental Abuse and needs the love & help of a patient man to help her escape... and that his family is caught in the crossfire.
Load More Replies... If you and your groom can't afford the $200 for a wedding dress, maybe you should wait a bit before getting married. You know, prepare for married life and all. You should have money stashed away already, not to mention enough for the wedding. If you plan to pay more than $200 for the dress, your morals in in the tubes.
parents should lay off, I get the idea that the SIL doesn't have anything against the author's wife, but the parents are such control freaks who won't let it be their daughter's day
A very clear boundary if you ask me: the dress is her personal property, it was lent as a personal gesture, not sold, no legal contract, right? Therefore it was her right to take back the dress. The bride's parents set their boundary on the wedding dress provision. The bride should have remembered the old adage, "Don't s**t where you eat".
People shouldn't be denied privilages and invitations because of these "reasons". NTA.
Had a similar situation threatened at my wedding. Mom and Dad divorced, and Mom stated that she refused to come if I invited my Dad and his GF (although the GF was not what Mom was opposed to). I thought it over, stressed about it a few moments, and then simply replied, "I'm so sorry you feel that way. We will miss you at the wedding." Not only did she attend, she felt the need to not only match, but exceed the $$ amount my Dad was contributing.
If she can't make a wedding happen like an adult, she shouldn't be having one. Don't let her and her family go around bullying people (they clearly enjoy bullying their own daughter) and excluding people. If this girl were a proper adult she would tell her parents it's HER wedding, and she'll have it EXACTLY how she likes with WHOM she wants there, even if she has to get married at a f***ing gas station. Why do people have no balls when it comes to dealing with their own family? Leave the situation as is, your dress in your closet and her wedding day free in your calendar. You and your wife do your thing and screw them all.
Stupid SIL I would have told parents I'd foot the bill for my future SIL and her wife and that way I could have worn the dress. You were very right to get your dress bk, she should have fought harder for you. What would happen in the future, your kids not allowed to their kids parties etc etc #pathetic
Okay this may sound totally archaic bad. Look if you don't want to be controlled over anything then you need to take charge. It's your wedding and your parents are paying? Why? That is no way to start a life. The "investment" into your life just opened the door to a ton of meddling in the future.
Here is an idea, turn it into a tie-dye dress with rainbow colors. Then give it to her, preferably sent to the parent's address. Inner Monologue: I hate weddings and funerals. Uninviting me is the best gift I can get. But, if I get my ass off the couch to attend your expensive, corny, poorly planned and incredibly boring wedding, I expect to inflict the same level of torture on my spouse. I also expect the family to treat both of us as human beings.
Well, dear, maybe you and your sister-in-law are not as sisterly as you have assumed.
Parent are paying, Parent are choosing guest list Parent will have to pay for the dress..
NTA - you aren't a doormat. Not everyone has to like you, not everyone has to be supportive of your marriage. But people who claim to be friends don't get to give in to homophobes and discriminate against you, and then still expect you to do them a favour. Why are brother and SIL not standing up to the parents, and saying "this couple is part of our family, and they are invited, and we expect you to be civil"?
How do people decide to get married when they have no money? Keep your dress. She doesn't deserve it.
The same way that they decide to have kids when they have no money... they fall in love and stuff happens 😉😏
Load More Replies... I would've altered the dress with VERY bright and VISIBLE rainbow ... and let the bride borrow it ;)
GOOD FOR HER!!! Just because she married the Woman of her Dreams. Good for her to take back her dress and ruin that woman's wedding. For who are we to judge? And that is EXACTLY what those people were doing. "Judging"
I see both sides. It's the brides family who are assholes. Obviously bride doesn't have an issue with OP since they are close. I can see why bride just wants things to go smoothly and not have big drama on the day. OP and family are putting bride in the middle and that's not really fair. But I can see why OP is hurt and not wanting to lend dress to a wedding she can't even attend. Groom and his family need to step up and advocate for OP and her wife. Nobody seems to be winning in this situation except brides horrible family.
The way I see it is if the sister in law's wife is not good enough to be there then neither is her wedding dress. The wife not being present doesn't suddenly make the OP straight or something, so to ask her not to bring her is nonsense. The bride's parents are moronic judgmental hypocrites. It's OK for their daughter to get married in a dress that was worn in a lesbian wedding, but it's not OK for one of the two individuals that got married in said wedding to be at this wedding.
If this was me, I'd be looking to my brother. Does he even realize that this is indicative of his future? Do her parents realize this? Why are they allowing their child/sister to be discriminated against? This person is going to be a member of their family and she's going to be brining the drama of her own family to them. Nope. Not if it were happening to me. I wouldn't put up with that BS.
NTA but I feel sorry for the SIL. I have an overbearing mother, I know what it's like to feel like you can't make any decision by yourself. And especially as the parents are paying for the wedding, there's really nothing else SIL could have done.
The best thing is to not let parents pay for weddings. You pay, you control. If you can't afford a big wedding then accept you have to go small. The marriage matters way more than the wedding and if people can't see that then they have their priorities skewed.
Load More Replies... Idk I kind of feel like SIL is caught in the middle here, as it wasn't her choice to not invite OP's wife but her parents'. On the other hand, I agree with Franc Esca below - if you let your parents pay for your wedding, then that's how they get to pull the strings on your marriage. If I were OP, I would've taken back the dress as well, I think.
Whoops accidentally pressed enter lol. Anyways I'm a kid rn and my parents have said they'll pay for my college in the future. But I'm secretly gay and they're homophobic. So if I came out, they probably wouldn't pay for my college. If I waited until after they payed and I got my degree to come out, would that be an AH move?
Load More Replies... I can sympathise with SIL - she is stuck between her parents (the financers) and OP but as someone else said, actions have consequences. A wedding can still proceed without a dress anyway.
The SIL is between a rock and hard place. But I can also understand the position of the author. I guess, it'll be a really simple wedding dress from ight in the box or similar. The real assholes are the family in the background.
I'd love to have a job making up these hypothetical situations, it's pure clickbait. Can't wait to see what tomorrow's moral dilemma will be.
You can. Just head over to r/AITA and post away. Whether it's true or not, it's fun to think about and can be helpful for empathy-building.
Load More Replies... I'd say YTA. If it was the SIL paying for the wedding and making this decosion it would be NTA, but she has no say in it so op is just being unreasonable.
ESA. Parents obviously. Sister in law for not fighting harder for the OP and her wife and still expecting to use the dress and by extension supporting obvious bigotry. Brother for staying conspicuously absent. OP for not being the bigger person. She is the least AH of them all, but it sounds like the bride is more weak willed than a "bad person" especially given the rest of their relationship. Even if it is justified, it is still kind of verdictive.
How much of a "bigger person" do you expect OP to be? Does she need to divorce her wife too, just so that she won't offend the homophobes? Either she's family or she's not. If she's family, she gets invited to the wedding with her spouse and she lends the SIL her wedding dress. If she's not family, she doesn't attend the wedding, and she does not lend the SIL the wedding dress. You don't get to spit in someone's face and then expect them to help you.
Load More Replies... Everything about this sounds so AITA. Yes they're assholes, but they're not as vindictive as the OP. The dress came with conditions? You all suck.
Are you serious? Don't let her EGO hurt her sister in law? You think her taking her dress back and not putting up with her SIL's silent approval of homophobia is about her EGO???🤦🏾♀️
Load More Replies... SIL is a grownup. If she's not a grownup, she's too young to get married. If she is a grownup, she needs to own her choices.
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