ADVERTISEMENT

It's not unusual to have a more or less complicated relationship with your parents. After all, they're human just like you, navigating the same complex feelings and emotions. However, there's a line between familial disagreement and toxic behavior. And Reddit user snoofle-science wanted to find it.

So they made a post on the platform, asking its users to share what signs have they noticed indicate that their moms and dads were lousy caregivers. From not being able to show affection to desperate attention cravings, here are some of the most popular problems that people attribute to their upbringing.

#1

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You feel intimidated by everyone around you, you feel like you're never good enough for anyone, no matter how much they tell you that you don't need to try so hard, and you generally have low self-worth.

Edit: Wow. I don't know whether to feel encouraged that so many people know where I’m coming from with this, or heartbroken about it. Either way, thank you, everyone.

mR-gray42 , Anubhav Saxena Report

#2

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents A second chance to do it better when you have kids. Every time I got angry or upset with my own children, I would take a breath and think about what my mom would do—and then do the exact opposite. Lots of laughter and forgiveness in our house and zero violence. My mantra has always been “there is value in a bad example.”

Slow-Distribution119 , Ilya Pavlov Report

Add photo comments
POST
bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well done!!!! I admire and respect your courage and sanity.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#3

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Doing everything yourself, not asking for help, because you knew no help was coming.

nch1307 , frank mckenna Report

Add photo comments
POST
bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Was shocked reading a re-imagined story about Cinderella " other kids knew they could ask any adult for help - and get it, not Rella ". My sister and I were both kind of Cinderella.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#4

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Never believing a compliment. Always being anxious that people are mad at you/ignoring you if they're being quiet/not responding. Not being able to deal with confrontation/conflict in a constructive/healthy way.

Basically you get shitty people skills and emotional damage.

nisharfa , Joice Kelly Report

Add photo comments
POST
rylosalex avatar
Rylosalex
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same here. Whenever someone told me that I did a good job on something I would instantly think "Did I really do a good job? or is she/he just feeling sorry for me?"

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#5

Over-explain the tiniest issues because of a compulsive need to justify every thought, action or inaction

darermave Report

#6

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You can't identify your own emotions immediately, or sometimes at all, but can identify others without them having to say a word. Don't know how to react to things in the moment, and are extremely mature for your age. Mature kids often aren't a result of great parenting.

Louminous19 , Arwan Sutanto Report

Add photo comments
POST
lulugrepe avatar
a fruity dream of delusion
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i cannot say enough how true this is. i’ve wondered why i am always so uncomfortable if i am unable to read someone, and this really explains it.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#7

I had to sneak out of the house through my bedroom window to go to school and take my finals because my mom locked my room from the outside. This was punishment because I wouldn’t do the dishes because I was cramming for my exams. To top it off after she locked me in my room she went to the breaker and turned off the lights to my bedroom so I wouldn’t have any lighting to study and I had to spend the whole night studying with a flashlight.

I aced all my exams. And instead of my mother being proud of me she locked me up in my room for a week for sneaking out.

I ended up going to college and grad school in STEM and made something of myself. And now she brags to people that I am successful because of her. When she says that I tell her and everyone “absolutely not! I’m successful DESPITE her”.

Witty_Goose_7724 Report

Add photo comments
POST
evachainz99 avatar
weewoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh i am so happy for this person. they managd to get good grades with bad parents? now thats a great achievment

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#8

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents The panicked rush to jump and start “doing something” when you hear someone come in the house. Lest you be subjected to a barrage of insults and commands.

sadhandjobs , Volha Flaxeco Report

Add photo comments
POST
kristisavagecook avatar
Kristi Savage Cook
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG this! Heaven forbid I'd be resting while nobody was home to see or comment....

View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#9

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Why is nobody mentioning the silent foot steps?

When you grow up with parents that will yell at you for existing you develop the ability to hide your presence as much as possible and always try to keep your noise and visibility to a minimum.

xaxiwan102 , Jake Hills Report

Add photo comments
POST
evachainz99 avatar
weewoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and you also leanr whos steps are whos when they are walking up and down the stairs.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#10

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Emotional numbness especially in the face of bad things. Once you've seen enough shit certain things just don't faze you anymore

UnhappyField102 , - - Report

Add photo comments
POST
maebright6917 avatar
SparkleFarts
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And not knowing how to comfort someone. Like I know I should feel something, but I just don't.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#11

Okay lets do it -

self doubt, self esteem issues and overall not feeling good enough or feeling like you have an intense obligation or expectation to fulfil to keep your parents happy.

The inability to know what you want or not knowing how to say no when someone asks something of you in fear they will react poorly.

Inability to be assertive and telling people what you are/aren't ok with.

Not having high values of yourself and putting everyone else before you.

Feeling guilt the minute you 'let someone down.'

TRIGGER WORDS - example 'I'm disappointed'

Having a habit of toxic and repetitive relationships with friends and partners. Also switching around friend groups often or having little to none.

Feeling emotionally inept or being extremely emotional and feeling like you cannot express it.

Difficulty with maintaining life skills, self care, hygiene, finances ect

feeling like a child stuck in an adults body

anon Report

ADVERTISEMENT
#12

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You apologize for everything you do, good or bad.

JBLBEBthree , Arif Riyanto Report

#13

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Paranoia when people are just being nice. Like why are you being friendly? What do I have that you want from me?

chilifavela , Fernando @cferdophotography Report

#14

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Being a people-pleaser to the point of it being detrimental to yourself

Wips_and_Chains , Ryoji Iwata Report

#15

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents being really good at hiding things (physical or mental). being able to sneak something to my room, being able to look like i haven't cried even though i was five minutes ago.

soggy-sleeves , bady abbas Report

#16

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Being afraid that you'll continue the cycle and treat your kids terribly

EnialisHolimion , Kelli McClintock Report

Add photo comments
POST
lulugrepe avatar
a fruity dream of delusion
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i don’t want kids. mostly because i know there is no way i would be able to handle them.

alanavoeks_1 avatar
Alana Voeks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. Family history of physical and mental illnesses and the fact that I got majority of everything, and then some, I would need someone who's genetically perfect to offset it and let them be anywhere near normal. But then, I'm more shattered than I can ever be repaired from. It's not fair to children or myself to have them, so why should I?

Load More Replies...
jillmarshall avatar
Jill Marshall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never wanted children for this exact reason. I ended up having two daughters who are amazing people.

davidforce avatar
David Force
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you for breaking the cycle. Something your own girls won’t have to worry about.

Load More Replies...
vonkrawall avatar
von Krawall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am lucky to have been able to break the cycle. Found a nice nerdy man (opposite of my dad). Had kids 10 years later. Now 20 years in everything is good. I am not perfect but my kids are loved and all my energy goes inti treating them well and make sure they are happy and become good grownups. Still love my husband. And still have almost no contact with my dad. He is not allowed to see and mess-up my kids.

kb0569 avatar
Karl Baxter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That was one of the reasons we didn’t have kids. I knew I’d just repeat mistakes.

michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm the reverse. One reason I decided not to have children was that I knew I could never be anywhere near as good a parent to my child as my mother and father were to me.

Load More Replies...
bobbygoodson avatar
Bobby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I question everything I do with my kids. I had a drunk, hyper critical father and a mother who saw all of this and felt like she couldn't be authority in any way because dad was too hard. Am I being too easy? Too lax? I don't know. It made me give my kids a "no anger" card that they can pull out whenever they think a punishment for something they did wrong was too harsh. They show me that card and we drop it. I walk away and really debate with myself if I'm being constructive or reactionary. Then we come back together and I let them explain why they think the punishment doesn't match the crime, so to speak.

jochrisco avatar
Jo Chrisco
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I swore that my kids would enjoy their childhood. My oldest son was supported and not made to feel like an unpaid employee.

alexia_1 avatar
Alexia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of the reasons I didn't want a family and kids for years.

cherylschaeffer avatar
Cheryl Schaeffer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had irrational moments with my kids where I saw both my parents in me. In retrospect, I know I hurt my kids in some ways my parents hurt me.

tedrifenburg avatar
Ted Rifenburg
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

sadly i always said i would never be my parents, my mother was a crack addict and my father a drunk, when he wasnt in jail he was teaching me to party, im 35 now got two kids that dont know me, im a recovering heroin addict and regretting my past so much it haunts my dreams. i try not to put blame on my parents but i grew up in a trap house and that was normal to me, if there wasnt chaos around me at all times i felt alone. it took hitting rock bottom so hard i begged god to take me out of this world i dont think i would have ever got clean. three years and i still struggle everyday. but missing out on my kids is something that eats at me every day. we dont get to pick what cards we are dealt, but some of us get a bust hand.

festersixonesixonethree avatar
Fester Sixonesixonethree
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't have kids because I didn't want to continue the cycle inadvertently. Better no children at all for me.

clairebauling avatar
Crouching hippo hidden panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God this one hit a nerve. I’m single parenting atm and feeling like I’m not hitting the mark every minute of the day. The stress of it is exhausting, and putting my every interaction with them under a microscope is depressing. Urgh,

johndoe_56 avatar
John Doe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was too f'd up to have kids. Nobody could stand being around me that long.

smi avatar
S Mi
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I said this on another post. If you do have children get support. See if your community has early childhood home visitation (much of North America does and a many other countries as well). Being aware of what you *don't* want to do is a massive step in the right direction. Support can help people get the rest of the way

sonja-szabrotska avatar
Sonja
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please, tell me more. I don't think we have this in our country. Our social workers are under-paid and overworked, because there are just few of them.

Load More Replies...
dpapandrea3 avatar
Danielle Papandrea
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it's hard but you can break the cycle. this usually means cutting ties with the people in your family. but it's possible!

ozzier3d avatar
Ozzie Ogawa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, i always wanted kids but i don't think i will have kids (either biological or adopted) i can fully fix myself psychologically.

vickicunningham avatar
Vicki Cunningham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grew up in the 50s and 60s when it was almost expected that you spank your kids. Mom went way overboard, but it was the terrible things she would say to us, or give us the silent treatment because we didn't clean our room. She did that once to my 6 year old daughter while babysitting. My daughter told me about it on the way home. I never had my mom babysit again.

mct959 avatar
Mary Topper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was pregnant I spent a lot of time in a panic that I would have a little girl - the fear of not being able to protect her from the world in general because I just didn't know how... that it just wasn't possible to protect girls from anything.

lhmcd1 avatar
Louisa Spoke
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never had kids because of my childhood. I don’t know how to parent. I want not well enough to have them.

bhollyhock avatar
Bonny Saxon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cried when I discovered I was pregnant. I just knew I would screw that poor child up. But luckily I had a decent partner that made up for my deficits.

brightbunny avatar
Nicki
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My kids are 14f and 17m. I am very proud of myself because I really feel that I have broken the cycle of abuse that ruined my childhood. My daughter said to me the other day that some of her friends complain about their parents. I told her she is free to vent to her friends about us anytime, and she looked puzzled and asked, "Why would I do that? You guys are awesome!" That made my heart happy! I am not perfect, but at least I know that doing my best is working out okay 😊

kknorthcutt avatar
Kristi Northcutt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not to pay myself on the back too much, because part of me thinks my kids would have turned out to be wonderful people no matter who raised them, but I must have done something right? My kids are great people. All my friends with kids are jealous of what nice people my kids are, especially to me.

drewjones avatar
DREW JONES
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I chose never to have kids--during puberty!--and never have. Vasectomy at age 29. No regret at age 69.

tesshelms avatar
Tess Helms
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my fear with my daughter I was forced to raise my 4 siblings til I was 12 and had to go through counseling to stop me from parenting my peers when I was placed at a ranch

jsalg0328 avatar
Javier
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never wanted any because It wouldn't have been fair to them.....

lauratravis avatar
Laura Travis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother,; Myself and my sibs were subjected to the terrible wrath of our father who was raging alcoholic. I vowed that I would NEVER treat my husband and children that way. So far, so good! My hubby and I both come from similar backgrounds. We've been together for 40 years. Our children are wonderful adults and great parents. I hope, with all my heart that we have broken the cycle of emotional, psychological and physical abuse.

awesomeness-keele avatar
Janessa Hart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m studying what healthy parenting is like so I can break the cycle, and no matter how much research I do, I’m terrified that I’ll still be another link in an awful chain.

ashley_jernigan avatar
Ashley Jernigan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have kids and I treat the the opposite of how I was treated, but unfortunately you find a partner that treats you like a child and is abusive.

robertblackwell avatar
Robert B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup, I failed at breaking damn near every other cycle but my kids get treated like people.

patriciaturner avatar
Patricia Turner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I took my narcissistic alcoholic mother as an example and did exactly the opposite with my daughter. She is a successful adult on a great career path and we talk at least once a week. I don’t remember my mother ever saying that she loved me, my daughter and I end every conversation with “love you” and do mean it.

lukim3200 avatar
Sparkle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually, for me it was the exact opposite. I always wanted kids to be able to prove that I can and will (and I have) rise above it. My kids are my world. However, I understand that kids are not for everyone, and I respect and admire those who acknowledge that before they start having them.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#17

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You are in your 40s and still crave attention and validation from anyone at all because you were ignored all the time.

JBLBEBthree , Alex Blăjan Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

::raises hand:: I'm 40 right now and I still have "the class clown" personality because at least if people are laughing at me, they're paying attention to me, right? Right?!

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#18

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents When i tell stories of my childhood that i think are funny but my friends stare in horror

probablykelz , Daiga Ellaby Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Haha, omg guys, so once when I was 6, my dad was about to leave on a business trip and my mom grabbed me, pressed the revolver she'd gotten from my grandpa into my throat under my chin, and told my dad that if he left on one more business trip, she'd kill us kids and then herself! Isn't that hilarious?" (that is a true story from my childhood, sadly)

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#19

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Being surprised people will apologize and want to talk out and deal with an issue instead of screaming and pretending everything is fine and never mentioning why there was a fight or argument at all.

ToastedMaple , kevin laminto Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was always terrified of my mother as a young child, because one moment she would be screaming at me, beating me, and throwing me across the room, and then 5 minutes later she'd come into the room smiling with a plate of cookies she'd just baked all "Do you want a cookie, Cryssie?" I was off-balance all the time because I had NO idea what I'd done to make her angry, nor why she suddenly wasn't angry AT ALL any more, and I was terrified that I'd do whatever I'd done to p**s her off again and she'd go nuclear again in the next 30 seconds. I had no idea that that wasn't normal.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#20

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents When you really don’t remember any good times you spent with them.

AverageLegoGameFan , Juliane Liebermann Report

Add photo comments
POST
lisahewes avatar
Lisa H
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There were some good times in my childhood, but I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop because it always, always did. Every day, good or bad, would end with my dad being in a bad mood for some stupid reason.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#21

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Not reacting appropriately to ordinary situations. Usually an overreaction to a normal situation or underreacting to very messed up situations.

ESQBOJaguar , Justin Snyder Photo Report

Add photo comments
POST
alexia_1 avatar
Alexia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah. This is when survival instincts kick in, based on previous experience with your parents. I overreacted so many times in normal situations, because I felt in danger - and obviously this affected my relationships.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#22

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents My dad was yelling at me once and I couldn't take it so I made a snappy comment back. Instinctively I threw my hands up to block the blow I knew was coming. But then they both tried to convince me that my dad has never hit me before and why would I act like that.....so physically abusive and mentally abusive with gas lighting

DV_Police10 , Caleb Woods Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My older sister gets pissed when I talk about how abusive my mother was towards me. She'll say "Mom never HIT you!" Uh, mom used to cut me with the kitchen knives, not just hit me/throw me across the room. But my sister is my parents' biological child, and I'm adopted. My sister is just like my mother and is/was "the perfect child", so she was never yelled at or hit while we were growing up.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#23

Can’t explain myself without crying

iiJojo Report

Add photo comments
POST
goobernmooch avatar
Brazen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Frustration tears, angry tears, sad tears, and tears from laughing too hard...basically all the crying. I'd give anything for this to not be a knee jerk reaction from my body.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#24

Someone raises their voice- doesn't even have to be in anger; they could just have a deep voice but suddenly its *loud* - and your first reaction is to either shrink in on yourself or focus on anything but their face and wait for your throat to stop feeling so tight or for your eyes to stop watering.

Coffee_Addict019 Report

Add photo comments
POST
lulugrepe avatar
a fruity dream of delusion
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this!!! i have never been able to describe the feeling i get when someone becomes loud- it has always terrified me.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#25

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents When, as an adult, you witness an example of good parenting - and experience a sense of shock, and get dizzy.

Journeyman-Joe , Sarah Medina Report

Add photo comments
POST
bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS. Spent a weekend at a friend's home. Was shocked how nice her parents were. Was shocked how she could joke *with* them.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#26

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You remember being severely neglected yet you were told “you are spoiled.”

Embarrassed-Swan3568 , Kelly Sikkema Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm apparently "spoiled" because I was adopted! My biological mother was an unmarried alcoholic/drug addict who already had two other children (from unknown fathers) and she didn't even have working utilities in her trailer. I was told from a very early age (5ish or so) that I needed to be grateful because I had been taken away from such a HORRIBLE situation and brought to have a "normal" life. Apparently that = me being spoiled.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#27

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Unable to form or desire romantic attachments and not to forget the numerous mental illnesses you have no control over because your parent doesn’t believe in poor mental health so allowed you to go undiagnosed your whole life :)

ooopsadestructy , Dương Hữu Report

Add photo comments
POST
cosgrove-alex avatar
alex cosgrove
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mine treated me like I was slow. My twin was very book smart. Took a therapist when I was 16 to test my math skills (first diagnosis) and at 23 I got the full testing to find out, nope not slow.. lots of mental disabilities.. I cried hysterically because I finally had a name to the learning disabilities that plagued my life. Best day of my life.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#28

Not being able to recognize affection or how to show it healthily.

TwoLaysea Report

#29

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents A fantastic sense of humor

bombaderogato , Priscilla Du Preez Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Making jokes hides the pain! If you can make others laugh, even if they're laughing AT you, then you are a-o-kay. I'm a master "class clown"/comedian and most of my jokes are self-deprecating.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#30

- Thinking you do everything wrong, even small daily tasks, and at a certain moment you hear other people compliment you about doing it well or asking why I am a perfectionist.

- Always apologizing for everything, multiple times

- When people say something, you suspect that they mean something else, something you did wrong, buy they won't tell you until they get so mad they burst.

- Extremely nauseous feelings when someone gets irritated or angry

Ananoriel Report

Add photo comments
POST
kristisavagecook avatar
Kristi Savage Cook
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've tried to explain to my husband what it's like to ALWAYS feel that things are my fault. If anyone is ever unhappy in my circle, it's my fault and it's my responsibility to fix what's wrong. I think it It must be amazing not to feel this way.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#31

I can never open up to them. No matter how big or small my problems are, because they'll just tell me I'm being dramatic.

notcindymae Report

Add photo comments
POST
maebright6917 avatar
SparkleFarts
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. There have been a lot of days lately when I really needed to "talk to my mom" but that's just not an option

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#32

You don't talk to them anymore or want them in your life otherwise as an adult (e.g., not inviting them to your wedding, or want them around any potential children you may have).

Cuish Report

Add photo comments
POST
bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cutting off all contact was one of the sanest things I have ever done for myself. And telling social services that my nephews must a NEVER be left alone with either grandparent was also. edit:Life is a bit complicated for them.

View more commentsArrow down menu
See Also on Bored Panda
#33

Lot of anger problems

Samuelwankenobi_ Report

#34

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents They don’t want you to have any better of a life than they did

tunaball25 , Luemen Rutkowski Report

Add photo comments
POST
hatredpony avatar
Hatred Pony
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much this. I had several opportunities as a teen that were never even discussed but shot down immediately. A trip to Greece for $400 with my class (better believe I would try to scrape that money together for my kids), an invitation to study abroad and the big one, admittance into art school my junior year of highschool. My mom never wanted me to succeed or have anything better than she ever had and she pulled opportunities out from under me any chance she had. I even won "sweetheart" at a Valentine's dance at church as a kid, I was so thrilled then because I never won a thing. In the car on the way home she told me about a lady who said I was very rude to her when she said I looked pretty. I couldn't then recall anything close to this situation , she called me a liar and made me feel awful. It wasn't until much later in life that I realized she was the liar.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#35

My mother treats me like her personal therapist and I'm only 17. She asks me where she went wrong in raising my brother and I and I don't want to tell her because I'm scared of her when she yells.

Extension_Payment525 Report

#36

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Apologizing constantly

Stopsign09 , Jack Lucas Smith Report

#37

Even at 31 feeling like if I get close to anyone they'll find a way to take advantage of me

NoticeWhenUAreHappy Report

#38

You're raised by people who can barely function, people who are basically at subsistence level. So you have no tools to be successful in the real world. There's no support other than vague crappy advice to just keep plugging along. You know that everything you get in life can disappear in a moment, and no one will be there to provide for you. Worse, your parents are expecting that you'll somehow magically provide for them in their old age. They send you out into the world with worse-than-s**t life skills, and they expect you to support them.

paxinfernum Report

Add photo comments
POST
tmarofvulcan avatar
T'Mar of Vulcan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When your valid feelings are dismissed with the words, "You've got to be better than that."

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#39

Feeling weird when people tell you that they love you, recieving hugs, feeling weirded out when you have to give hugs, and my personal favorite, being at the end of the favorite's list

jaynvius Report

Add photo comments
POST
lulugrepe avatar
a fruity dream of delusion
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i like hugs. but one of my friends constantly calls me her favorite, and is very affectionate, and i get very confused. like, why me??

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#40

Not knowing a lot of things that are "common sense" and not realizing til you're an adult yourself

maggyta10 Report

Add photo comments
POST
bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes as a student nurse there were some really basic things I didn't know. Like where adults use talc powder. *arm pits and groin.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#41

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents If you're the eldest, an extreme urge to help and "save" your younger siblings, even to the detriment of your own mental health.

monster3381 , Juliane Liebermann Report

Add photo comments
POST
bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm the youngest and I constantly tried to save my older sister. From her drug addictions, from the poverty, from her abusive husband.....and so on. It was *all* my fault.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#42

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents When you are telling a story which you think is a funny story from your childhood, only for someone to turn around and tell you "That's not normal".

​

If you've grown up in a very dysfunctional household, then not only is your norm set at a very messed up bar, but things that would be horrifying to others might be funny to you because of where your norm was set at. Examples of this can include "funny stories" that actually featured a lot of violent or neglect.

Creative_Recover , https://unsplash.com/photos/VTE4SN2I9s0 Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. I've told my friends "funny stories" of times when my mom cut me with kitchen knives, or times when she'd hit me only below the neck so that "no one would see the bruises", or how funny it was that when I was small and light, she'd throw me across the room and into the walls. My friends would be all O_O; and then hug me.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
See Also on Bored Panda
#43

Parents that lean more on you in rough times when it should be 100% the other way around

WeLoveYouJoshua Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was 18 and planning to move out, when my dad had an accident that resulted in a catastrophic brain injury. He had such extensive brain damage that he was bedridden, could not speak/communicate or understand, had to wear diapers, and had to have a feeding tube installed. My mother refused to hire professional caregivers for him, so I was his primary caregiver for the next 21 years (he died last year). I never moved out. My dad was a wonderful person and a great father, so I willingly cared for him because I loved him, but it was pretty awful that my mother assumed that well OF COURSE I'd stay living at home and take care of him so that she could go to the casinos/on vacation whenever she wanted.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#44

You can’t stick to your boundaries

Jaded_Research_2099 Report

#45

Self-harm such as cutting

SuvenPan Report

Add photo comments
POST
bronmargaret avatar
Magpie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And taking far too many pills and alcohol just to stop thinking about it all.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#46

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Uncomfortably into Disney stuff well into old age. I've noticed that a lot of hardcore Disney fans AS ADULTS (I'm talking people who buy the plates, cups, figures, cookie jars, plush characters, etc) often have had bad parents or experiences as a kid. They probably are trying to hold on to some child like feeling that's still in them. Idk.

There's nothing wrong with being into Disney, but, at a certain point, I have to question what exactly went down in your household as a kid.

josiahcruz__ , PAN XIAOZHEN Report

Add photo comments
POST
cali-tabby-katz avatar
Lakota Wolf
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not into Disney specifically, but I'm 40 and I still buy stuffed animals for myself quite often.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#47

Always screaming. Always angry. Never showed any physical affection. Completely out of tune with their children's lives.

dryintentions Report

Add photo comments
POST
alanavoeks_1 avatar
Alana Voeks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Heyyyyyy. This is me 100%. Also never giving any life lessons, like don't lose your virginity to someone who shows you romantic affection for the first time! (Or ever teaching me about sex. Still yet to be taught, they still think I'm a virgin.)

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#48

I knew how to open a beer and pour it with minimal foam for my mom while she was driving.

RedFlare15 Report

#49

You call them for advice and they give you literally the worst advice ever. So you have been doing the opposite haha

youareverygood8 Report

Add photo comments
POST
ronaldcookson avatar
Ronald Cookson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hearing the phrase " when life hands you lemons,make lemonade" is the most repeated and worthless platitude I've ever heard.makes me want to choke the ever loving s**t out of the person who says it.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#50

They told me the wrong date was my birthday. Didnt find out until my sixteenth birthday going for my drivers licence. Couldnt be bothered with getting it right, real nice of them.

Argybargyass Report

Add photo comments
POST
alanavoeks_1 avatar
Alana Voeks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mine is just always forgotten. 10/23. Not hard to remember, yet no one ever can. It's literally 0123 with the 0 and 1 flipped. It's not that hard. And I've never been anywhere even out of the city for my birthday because "education" was so "important" here. But since my brother's birthday was during the summer, we've celebrated his every time we went on vacation.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

Note: this post originally had 56 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.