“[Am I The Jerk] For Showing My Husband The Text His Mom Sent Me And Causing Her To Be Disowned?”
As you probably know, Shakespeare believed that “for never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo”. Of course, the great playwright was 100% right, because it is incredibly sad when young lovers tragically pass away, unable to cope with their own families’ prejudice against each other.
But let’s imagine that everything ended differently, and Romeo and Juliet still got married? Then, it is likely that their story would have gone in a completely different way, but it could have become no less sad – after all, relatives would not have gone anywhere, Juliet would have had to face Lady Montague in everyday life, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often becomes a source for many family dramas.
For example, as it happened to user u/throwaway-text2, who about a year ago shared her own story of confrontation with her husband’s mother on the AITA Reddit community – and this take is very sad as well. As of today, the original post has received 25.5K upvotes and roughly 3.1K different comments, so let’s try to figure out this family drama together.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post didn’t get along with her mother-in-law despite multiple attempts to change her attitude
Image credits: David365 (not the actual photo)
So, the author of the original post honestly admits that she could not find any common language with her husband’s mom. Somehow, the relationship between the two women did not work out, despite the fact that the Original Poster says that she tried more than once to change her MIL’s attitude towards her. But, alas, by the time this story began, the women simply didn’t like each other.
Image credits: throwaway-text2
The author was a new mom so she refused to eat what her MIL cooked for dinner one day, but the lady took it personally
That day, it all started with the OP refusing to eat what her MIL had cooked for dinner. Not because she treated her badly, but just recently she had given birth to a baby, and new mothers can eat far from everything they want. One might ask who, if not the mother-in-law, does not know this – after all, she was also a mom herself! But it was not so.
Image credits: throwaway-text2
Apparently, for some reason, the MIL took it personally, so she could not find anything better than to write to her daughter-in-law everything that she thought about her. And these thoughts were extremely offensive and negative. The OP’s husband’s mother stated that she simply “knows and feels her passive aggressive vibe”, was offended that she considered her cooking “unhygienic”, and after that, she smoothly moved on to direct insults.
Image credits: throwaway-text2
The MIL sent several messages insulting the woman and claiming she’s a gold digger
So, according to the MIL’s words, the OP had forgotten the last time she stood in front of the mirror and combed her hair, trying to justify her condition as a new mom. The mother-in-law also stated that the woman had simply trapped her son and now wanted to use their baby as a pawn. However, as she also stated, her son still has chats with his ex every chance he gets.
Image credits: throwaway-text2
“Be mean to his mommy,” the OP’s mother-in-law continued, “and you’ll see how far that gets you.” And it all ended with the woman insulting the author’s dog in every possible way, claiming that it stinks, constantly barks and leaves hair everywhere after shedding. In other words, the mother-in-law went through literally everything so dear to the OP, and it is not surprising that the woman, being completely devastated by all this, showed her husband these messages from his mother.
Image credits: throwaway-text2
The author was extremely upset so she just showed these abusive messages to her husband
Further events unfolded instantly. The man literally went ballistic at his mom, tried to call her, but could not get through, so just went to her house. As the OP’s sisters-in-law later told her, the family confrontation turned out to be completely ugly. The son poured insults at his mother and ended up publicly disowning her.
Image credits: throwaway-text2
The man ended up disowning his mother so she fainted on the spot and was taken to the hospital
Hearing this, the MIL fainted (as the author of the post says, she was diabetic), but the son was so angry that he did not even try to help her and simply left the house. The woman was taken to the hospital, and her relatives began to blame the OP for this – they said if she had not shown these messages to her husband, nothing would have happened. Yes, and family relations also remained tense. As a result, the wife was completely upset that she was insulted and her own attempt to defend herself caused a new flurry of attacks.
Image credits: United Tires (not the actual photo)
An expert thinks that the mom just isn’t ready to “let go” of her adult son and this mainly caused the problem
“Of course, there can be practically no complaints about the wife here,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, who was asked by Bored Panda to comment on this story. “Most questions are raised by the MIL’s behavior. Such cases, however, are far from isolated – when a mother is not ready to ‘let go’ of her adult son, she tries to ‘share’ him with his wife. And this usually does not end in anything good.”
“Moreover, this is probably not the first relationship that the mother of the OP’s husband has tried to destroy – consciously or not, because the author mentioned that her husband has an ex. However, the man also, apparently, put himself in such a way that gives his mom a reason to ‘fight’ for him, to manipulate him. Be that as it may, the wife here simply tried to defend herself – but relations in the family were already quite toxic,” states Irina Matveeva.
Most of the commenters believe that the woman did the right thing to make her MIL face the consequences of her own hatefulness
Many people in the comments to the original post agree with the expert. According to the commenters, the woman did the right thing by showing the messages to her husband – after all, it was a very disturbing text. Moreover, people suspect that the mother-in-law just fainted deliberately, trying to manipulate her son – after all, as one of the commenters wrote, their son is also diabetic, but he has never fainted from being confronted.
Image credits: keith ellwood (not the actual photo)
People also assume that the mother-in-law was trying to abuse the Original Poster and get away with it, which is completely unacceptable. The woman did the right thing showing her MIL’s little hate manifesto to the husband, so his mom had to experience the consequences of her own hatefulness. She caused herself to be disowned, most of the commenters believe.
Be that as it may, many people have a lot of skeletons in their family closets, so here’s another collection of some family secrets, gloomy and not so. In the meantime, as always, we are waiting for your comments on this particular tale, so please feel free to leave them below the post.
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Share on FacebookThe dog abuse is enough for me to want to kick this woman in the nards. If she did not want the text to get back to her son she should not have sent it. The fainting thing is probably made up s**t, but could be caused by underlying conditions of diabetes. The fact the husband did what he thought was right I applaud. People like his Mom need a reality check and he gave it to her.
There would be no coming back from this if OP was me. My kids have never met their last remaining grandparent and as far as they know, he's dead. If the entire family is sticking up for that hate filled cow, they can stay with her
Someone thought they could dish out the dirt but found they couldn't handle the consequences. Whatever happens next is the MIL's own fault. the SIL response of keeping it between OP and MIL is same logic that lets an abuser continues their abuse.
SIL's sound as bad as their mother and are probably being manipulated by the matriarch of the family. I'd be very very careful if I were OP!
Load More Replies...Sorry, but anyone from the family whining on behalf of this women need to be shown this text then asked which part should be forgiven - the open admission of animal abuse or the outright hated of the man's wife? Because honestly, if my sister said that to my nephew's wife, I'd be having a hard conversation with her on WTH she's trying to achieve.
Um...WHY is her husband avoiding her??? Her MIL abused her, he stood up to his family,they are continuing to lob abuse at her, and somehow this is HER fault in some way? Absolutely not. He did the right thing by standing up for his wife, now he needs to comfort and reassure her. She shouldn't be left catching the flak for all of this on her own. He needs to make it abundantly clear to her and then and that she did nothing wrong and that if they do not stop he will sever contact with them all together.
I wonder if he is avoiding her because he IS texting his ex behind his wife's back...
Load More Replies...Why WOULDN'T she show her husband? You share what is bothering you. He didn't like it. I give props to OP's husband. He didn't try to make excuses, he didn't make OP tell him. He dealt with it the best way he saw fit. Yes it sucks to disown a family member, but his priority is now his child and the baby's mother. You know..his family that he is helping raise together.
John here seems to be spineless. If your mom, or someone really, did that to your SO, you just gonna take it like a wimp? Or if that happened to you, you wouldn’t tell your SO? Wow.
Load More Replies...It is also a red flag that her husband is avoiding her- that was the last line of her post. That doesn't bode well and might mean he's regretting what he said to his mom, in which case it should make OP reconsider her relationship with her husband. If a partner doesn't passionately, enthusiastically defend you in a situation so blatantly obvious, then you don't need that 'partner'.
There is something seriously wrong with this family. I don't see how anyone can defend the MIL's text messages to the OP and say that she shouldn't have gotten her husband involved. My entire family has diabetes and none of us have fainted while someone is yelling at us. She did that in the hope that her son would stop yelling. The fact that he is now not talking to OP is concerning. That doesn't make sense. She needs to get as far away from this family as possible.
Me thinks someone is a bit confused “using a baby like p0rn” is disturbing- I think MIL dearest must mean p4 wn . Or at least I really hope so!
I don't understand it either. BP censoring the word päwn makes it look like the word pörn, 100%. Why are they even considering it as a bad word in the first place? I just looked it up, and I can't see any evidence of it being thought of a bad word anywhere. Sure, it's unflattering to call someone a päwn, but it's hardly a bad word. Bizarre.
Load More Replies...This might get downvoted, but I have kind of a dark sense of humor so forgive me…maybe she’ll die from her injuries and then no one has to deal with her anymore. You made the right move be telling your husband. Had you been the one to confront her likely they’d get mad at you for that too.
Sounds like the rest of the family is just as dysfunctional, so I don't think it ends with the witch dying.
Load More Replies...If I found out an IL had abused my pet we could never be in the same room again! Wanna play passive aggressive Waspy games with me? I'll chew you up with words. Hurt one of my cats? You'll never again walk without a limp or have your eyes pointing the same direction.
Yeah, she abused the dog and then when it turns on her, she'll demand it be destroyed.
Load More Replies...I am curious what culture this family identifies with. Definitely nta, this mil needs to understand her words caused the divide in the family.
I am also curious. This is so over the top for any western culture that I am impressed this even made AITA column
Load More Replies...Wait, why is her husband avoiding OP? If anything, he should be sticking with her. She is a new mom. Stress is not good for her. He should be there for her. If I were OP, I would just forward the text to anyone criticizing to let them judge for themselves. Any sane person would see that it is MIL who is crazy.
Most likely, her fainting didn't have anything to do with her diabetes. It was probably from shock or she was just being dramatic.
She's VERY right for showing her husband. THAT'S how a healthy relationship works! Openness with your spouse. How he handled it from that point is on him. She should be proud her husband stood up for her and his new family... Including the dog! Sounds like his whole (former) family is toxic. It's a good thing he has a new one. MIL=Wicked Witch
I am shocked! I literally felt physically sick to my stomach reading that message from the MIL. Absolutely disgusting. If the husband forgives his mom for what she did and chooses her over his wife , she Absolutely needs needs to get a divorce. Also, the MIL definitely pretended to faint.
I think she should also show MIL's message to cops. Let's see how many time she faints.
Kudos to the husband. Toxic mother in law should have limited, supervised visitation - if any. Same goes for the rest.
I'm concerned about that last sentence. Why is her husband avoiding her? Could it be that he really is talking to his ex whenever he can? Do you suppose that's why he went off on his mother like that, not to defend his wife, but to give her hell for giving him away? I think I'd need a bit of clarification. Not that mom isn't toxic as hell and no-contact is a great thing, but I'd want a long conversation with my husband about some of the accusations. I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but he's avoiding her - why?
If I was the OP, I'd seriously look into animal cruelty charges as well. Regardless of how the MIL feels about her, there is absolutely no excuse for taking it out on the innocent dog. And she flat out admitted she did.
Àsshole, BP, àsshole. It's literally in the title. If this page is too prude to use the correct name, it shouldn't use it as source for any content. /edit: and since when is páwn a swearword? Sheesh, it's only ever getting worse. BP authors are knobs.
1) She did the right thing showing the texts to her husband. 2) He did the right thing confronting his mother and letting her have it. 3) That woman didn't faint - diabetes doesn't cause it and she's just manipulative 4) Not sure why the husband is avoiding his wife but it needs to stop 5) I'd never allow my child(ren) or pets near that psycho nor would I be in her presence again. 6) If the husband says a single word against her she should get out fast. It won't get better - I know from personal experience
Her husband needs to communicate with his wife. The MIL was wrong on all counts. I had a MIL from Hell, and it was never fun being around her. Eventually we got divorced because he ended up abusive like his mom. Thank God we had no kids.
I don't see how the people who think that OP and MI should work things out between themselves and not involve anyone else think that would work out. Clearly in the story a lot of people don't know what MI texted because that was way over the top, enough so that I really have to wonder about her mental state and whether she'd been drinking, or something. With that amount of stuff to "work out" it wasn't going to happen and the process would likely have only made OP look worse to her husband and his family. As for OP's husband avoiding her. He lost it on his mom and now he thinks she might be in the hospital because of it. He probably has a bit of thinking to do as well as winding down from the situation.
For real, for real, she probably faked it to get the family to protect her. This too shall pass
Their reasoning of she shouldn't of showed her husband the texts were beyond ABSURD .. In our society many ppl are being abused, harassed & threatened in their Lives and they are afraid to report it.. This woman showed she was NOT going to shut up & & take this abuse .. NO ONE SHOULD. And as someone else commented. Dont ever leave your child or children alone with this woman .. NEVER.. I would print that convo ..keep it .. And remind her & family members this is how she said she treated our pet imagine how she would treat our children ... I would Never have anything to do with her .. Shes a Horrible woman an Abusive woman. Whom I want Nothing to do with
Send mommy's message in full to the family and ask them what would they do with it. And go to the police station and file a complaint of animal abuse
You and hubby should move far away From this animal abusing self centered woman. Who also apparently thinks you're not good enough for her son. That her son would rather cheat on you than be with you. Good that he stood up for you. A couple is supposed to do that. Parents need to for their kids too. Move away. Make it hard for her to get near you both. Thank your man for being a knight for you.
I'd like to be the 'fly' on the wall as to which section of the text prompted him to confront his mom. Was it the poor treatment of the dog or the outing of his 'cheating' or the part about the baby being some 'game piece' to hang on to the man? So much to unpack there.
Go visit her in hospital and laugh in her face. Any time one of the in-laws tried to start something you can just stone wall them and call them all disgusting human beings for even entertaining the thought of an apology. Unfortunately this site is heavily moderated so I can't say what I would do but there would be blood and violence.
things like this make me happy i get along really well with my mother in law. honestly if my mom ever treated my husband with such disrespect id disown her. it would b hard for my husband to do this since we live in a basement apartment of my in laws house but i kno hed have words to say if this happened to me. the OP did the right thing. if she confronted the mother in law herself nothing would b solved. also i have 2 diabetics in my family my mother in law and my neice. both were put under extreme stress at one point and confronted with issues that upset them and neither fainted. the OP's mother in law either faked it or she went into shock bc she was so convinced her son would side with her. the OP's husband did the right thing honestly. they dont need the mother in laws toxic behavior anywhere near their newborn child or in their lives in general. its healthier to get rid of toxic behavior.
No, no, no.... do not apologize to that evil twisted excuse for a human. That just gives her the power and the behavior will only get worse. You did the right thing. It only feels wrong because you have heart.
Your husband is avoiding you? ok...first of all..MIL is a jerk...she sent the texts and expected you to just deal with her s****y behaviour. Second....is your husband regretting that he yelled at his mother. Also...animal abuse..s****y. Saying your husband is talking to an ex...s****y. You have a s****y mother in law..I'm sorry
Anyone ever thought that the husband and his family are just lying to gaslight his wife? All sounds like they are trying to get rid of her and with the alleged husband's reactions it feels like they are preparing a case of sole custody, explaining that the wife is crazy and keeping their grandchild from them. No way did the mil pass out from diabetes and the doctors thought it was serious enough to be admitted. Be very careful going forward. It won't be long till you realise your husband is also gas lighting you as well. Please save up some money and have an exit plan in place. Be safe
She wrote the text. The consequences of that are her responsibility. Imagine what she would have done if you had gone round and confronted her? You did the right thing. I had an abusive MIL but that's another story
If that was my mother, she'd be dead to me from now on. She'd never see me or my child at all ever. She could crawl on her hands and knees across a bed of cut glass mixed with salt and vinegar and I still wouldn't forgive her. Dam* what a c**t. And the rest of the family members that took her side could go eff themselves, I wouldn't give them the time of day ever again either.
It sounds strange, that her husband should be avoiding her, but maybe he feels ashamed of getting so violently angry at his mother. Some people like to feel, that they are kind and welbalanced and gets ashamed to find out, that this is not always the case. Hopefully we will hear an update, that he is no longer avoiding her.
Reminds me of Kathy Bates as Bobby Boucher's mom in the movie "The Waterboy"
Stay away from mil completely and don't let her near your child or pets ever. I'm glad your husband stood up to her and he saw how horrible she truly is. The others I don't think I would have any contact with them either for mil will try to get them to do her dirty work for her, the fainting is a party trick to get attention and make people feel sorry for her nothing to do with her diabetes, I know people who can faint on cue, to get attention and get out of a situation that don't like, some people are not happy unless they are causing problems for others that sadly is how they get their happiness. Stay away far away
My mother spoke, not only texted, like this every day, and another sibling as well, I didn't see my father protecting anyone but her. Maybe husband was surprised because this was thr first time he'd seen it in black and white, but that drama queen is behaving that way every day. He did the right thing but he's being manipulated with the hospital stuff. It was done to me too and I did not jump on the plane or come running. Never give in to such people.
And now the husband is avoiding the wife? Yeah, he's chatting with his ex every chance he gets. That's why he's really mad! (Seriously, he didn't just find out that his mother doesn't like his wife and has been abusing her.)
She was absolutely right to show it to her husband for several reasons; (1)as others have said each partner should handle their own (2) Her MIL is a monster [I'll bet the husband already knew that] and the OP was in a no-win situation with it. The husband definitely had the right [and I personally think the duty] to go off on his mother. The SILs are enablers of a dysfunctional mother [without the fun] because they're afraid she'll turn on them or they may have just inherited her baked in evil. What most concerns me is that the OP says her husband is avoiding her now. If he thinks he could have handled it better, that's on him, it doesn't say his wife egged him on, but he's lived with that c**p his whole life and probably unloaded a lifetime of anger. BUT he's now trying to process doing the unthinkable: going against Mommy Dearest. She probably threatened abused and manipulated her children their entire lives and now he's defied her.
OP you did right to show the text to your husband. If she truly fainted, did they check her blood sugar (to high or to low) and that's not your fault. Did they check her blood pressure and heart rate, she is receiving the consequences of her actions, so again not your fault. She created this mess. She is manipulative and toxic. Be proud of your husband for standing up for you. You won't change the SIL mind, they have been against you from the start, they are their mother's daughters. Successful, loving marriage is the best revenge. And keep the dog away from her, make other arrangements. She is abusing the dog. My husband is a diabetic and had heart issues, he doesn't faint.
Is he really sticking up for wifey??? Probably he's mad at mommy cause she ratted him out for still being with his "ex". There's a tension here that maybe mom doesn't know how to handle being put in that position. She can never be at ease with her DIL if she's got to keep a secret like that.
Wow!! Run with your family as far away as you can get ! Crazy people do crazy things. ( watch that your dog doesn’t come up poisoned or something in the yard ) This is not the end. Good for you for showing your husband, he needs to know. Remind her you have the P***y power and will move so far she won’t even know anything about her son ,she needs to stand down ! I have been through this and I’m sorry. Good luck
And I will agree with the one responder who said that when there is an issue, the person who is actually related by blood to the one who causes the issue should deal with it. Had the wife attempted to confront the MIL, those same in-laws would have been ranting that she had no right to do so.
Can i just say this hubby is a freaking keeper. He seems to be so loyal to you and the fact that he out right disowned her ,shows that maybe the wife wasn't the only shes done this to. Sounds like his whole family is toxic and hes the only good black sheep of the family
NTA. I'm going for the jugular here in saying you should have posted her entire text on social media. But I'm just venting for you. Do not look back. Your husband is obviously as serious as his Mother. You and your husband seem to be the only ones who understand that her venomous, evil and toxic behavior deserved to not only be exposed, but have the ultimate consequence.
The MIL is certainly mean and spiteful, no doubt. But I think husband's reaction was a bit harsh (I know I'll be downvoted for expressing an unpopular opinion). Being polite but firm while talking to his mom would be OK but having a meltdown with name calling and disowning is taking it a bit too far. Why have people stopped trying to keep their emotions under control? Is it a new trend or what?..
I would be filing for divorce and taking this text to a lawyer as a way to get full custody of my kid. This whole family seems to be screwed up in the head....confront the MIL privately? Ha! What would that prove?! She did right, but I get serious momma's boy vibes here, so I'm sure she'll be back in the picture soon enough, and doubling down on the abuse. In short - Run, OP, run!
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This looks like it could fit right in over on JustNoMIL. Original posters there pull out all the stops demonizing their mothers-in-law and this ticks all the boxes. Animal abuse, histrionics, attempts to drive a wedge between the daughter-in-law and her son, referring to herself as "his mommy", it's all there. And there's a child, of course there is, new mothers are never anything but unkempt martyrs. Why can she only eat certain things? Is she breastfeeding and so must avoid things like garlic? She doesn't say, yet she's right there to describe everything else in excruciating detail. Add to this DIL's claiming to have been the one making all the attempts to reconcile the situation and her husband's nuclear response to the over the top texts at a late hour, in front of the entire family - do none of these people work? - and it feels very much like a work of fiction. AITA is another hotbed of creative writing. I wouldn't believe a word without proof that you can't get.
The dog abuse is enough for me to want to kick this woman in the nards. If she did not want the text to get back to her son she should not have sent it. The fainting thing is probably made up s**t, but could be caused by underlying conditions of diabetes. The fact the husband did what he thought was right I applaud. People like his Mom need a reality check and he gave it to her.
There would be no coming back from this if OP was me. My kids have never met their last remaining grandparent and as far as they know, he's dead. If the entire family is sticking up for that hate filled cow, they can stay with her
Someone thought they could dish out the dirt but found they couldn't handle the consequences. Whatever happens next is the MIL's own fault. the SIL response of keeping it between OP and MIL is same logic that lets an abuser continues their abuse.
SIL's sound as bad as their mother and are probably being manipulated by the matriarch of the family. I'd be very very careful if I were OP!
Load More Replies...Sorry, but anyone from the family whining on behalf of this women need to be shown this text then asked which part should be forgiven - the open admission of animal abuse or the outright hated of the man's wife? Because honestly, if my sister said that to my nephew's wife, I'd be having a hard conversation with her on WTH she's trying to achieve.
Um...WHY is her husband avoiding her??? Her MIL abused her, he stood up to his family,they are continuing to lob abuse at her, and somehow this is HER fault in some way? Absolutely not. He did the right thing by standing up for his wife, now he needs to comfort and reassure her. She shouldn't be left catching the flak for all of this on her own. He needs to make it abundantly clear to her and then and that she did nothing wrong and that if they do not stop he will sever contact with them all together.
I wonder if he is avoiding her because he IS texting his ex behind his wife's back...
Load More Replies...Why WOULDN'T she show her husband? You share what is bothering you. He didn't like it. I give props to OP's husband. He didn't try to make excuses, he didn't make OP tell him. He dealt with it the best way he saw fit. Yes it sucks to disown a family member, but his priority is now his child and the baby's mother. You know..his family that he is helping raise together.
John here seems to be spineless. If your mom, or someone really, did that to your SO, you just gonna take it like a wimp? Or if that happened to you, you wouldn’t tell your SO? Wow.
Load More Replies...It is also a red flag that her husband is avoiding her- that was the last line of her post. That doesn't bode well and might mean he's regretting what he said to his mom, in which case it should make OP reconsider her relationship with her husband. If a partner doesn't passionately, enthusiastically defend you in a situation so blatantly obvious, then you don't need that 'partner'.
There is something seriously wrong with this family. I don't see how anyone can defend the MIL's text messages to the OP and say that she shouldn't have gotten her husband involved. My entire family has diabetes and none of us have fainted while someone is yelling at us. She did that in the hope that her son would stop yelling. The fact that he is now not talking to OP is concerning. That doesn't make sense. She needs to get as far away from this family as possible.
Me thinks someone is a bit confused “using a baby like p0rn” is disturbing- I think MIL dearest must mean p4 wn . Or at least I really hope so!
I don't understand it either. BP censoring the word päwn makes it look like the word pörn, 100%. Why are they even considering it as a bad word in the first place? I just looked it up, and I can't see any evidence of it being thought of a bad word anywhere. Sure, it's unflattering to call someone a päwn, but it's hardly a bad word. Bizarre.
Load More Replies...This might get downvoted, but I have kind of a dark sense of humor so forgive me…maybe she’ll die from her injuries and then no one has to deal with her anymore. You made the right move be telling your husband. Had you been the one to confront her likely they’d get mad at you for that too.
Sounds like the rest of the family is just as dysfunctional, so I don't think it ends with the witch dying.
Load More Replies...If I found out an IL had abused my pet we could never be in the same room again! Wanna play passive aggressive Waspy games with me? I'll chew you up with words. Hurt one of my cats? You'll never again walk without a limp or have your eyes pointing the same direction.
Yeah, she abused the dog and then when it turns on her, she'll demand it be destroyed.
Load More Replies...I am curious what culture this family identifies with. Definitely nta, this mil needs to understand her words caused the divide in the family.
I am also curious. This is so over the top for any western culture that I am impressed this even made AITA column
Load More Replies...Wait, why is her husband avoiding OP? If anything, he should be sticking with her. She is a new mom. Stress is not good for her. He should be there for her. If I were OP, I would just forward the text to anyone criticizing to let them judge for themselves. Any sane person would see that it is MIL who is crazy.
Most likely, her fainting didn't have anything to do with her diabetes. It was probably from shock or she was just being dramatic.
She's VERY right for showing her husband. THAT'S how a healthy relationship works! Openness with your spouse. How he handled it from that point is on him. She should be proud her husband stood up for her and his new family... Including the dog! Sounds like his whole (former) family is toxic. It's a good thing he has a new one. MIL=Wicked Witch
I am shocked! I literally felt physically sick to my stomach reading that message from the MIL. Absolutely disgusting. If the husband forgives his mom for what she did and chooses her over his wife , she Absolutely needs needs to get a divorce. Also, the MIL definitely pretended to faint.
I think she should also show MIL's message to cops. Let's see how many time she faints.
Kudos to the husband. Toxic mother in law should have limited, supervised visitation - if any. Same goes for the rest.
I'm concerned about that last sentence. Why is her husband avoiding her? Could it be that he really is talking to his ex whenever he can? Do you suppose that's why he went off on his mother like that, not to defend his wife, but to give her hell for giving him away? I think I'd need a bit of clarification. Not that mom isn't toxic as hell and no-contact is a great thing, but I'd want a long conversation with my husband about some of the accusations. I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but he's avoiding her - why?
If I was the OP, I'd seriously look into animal cruelty charges as well. Regardless of how the MIL feels about her, there is absolutely no excuse for taking it out on the innocent dog. And she flat out admitted she did.
Àsshole, BP, àsshole. It's literally in the title. If this page is too prude to use the correct name, it shouldn't use it as source for any content. /edit: and since when is páwn a swearword? Sheesh, it's only ever getting worse. BP authors are knobs.
1) She did the right thing showing the texts to her husband. 2) He did the right thing confronting his mother and letting her have it. 3) That woman didn't faint - diabetes doesn't cause it and she's just manipulative 4) Not sure why the husband is avoiding his wife but it needs to stop 5) I'd never allow my child(ren) or pets near that psycho nor would I be in her presence again. 6) If the husband says a single word against her she should get out fast. It won't get better - I know from personal experience
Her husband needs to communicate with his wife. The MIL was wrong on all counts. I had a MIL from Hell, and it was never fun being around her. Eventually we got divorced because he ended up abusive like his mom. Thank God we had no kids.
I don't see how the people who think that OP and MI should work things out between themselves and not involve anyone else think that would work out. Clearly in the story a lot of people don't know what MI texted because that was way over the top, enough so that I really have to wonder about her mental state and whether she'd been drinking, or something. With that amount of stuff to "work out" it wasn't going to happen and the process would likely have only made OP look worse to her husband and his family. As for OP's husband avoiding her. He lost it on his mom and now he thinks she might be in the hospital because of it. He probably has a bit of thinking to do as well as winding down from the situation.
For real, for real, she probably faked it to get the family to protect her. This too shall pass
Their reasoning of she shouldn't of showed her husband the texts were beyond ABSURD .. In our society many ppl are being abused, harassed & threatened in their Lives and they are afraid to report it.. This woman showed she was NOT going to shut up & & take this abuse .. NO ONE SHOULD. And as someone else commented. Dont ever leave your child or children alone with this woman .. NEVER.. I would print that convo ..keep it .. And remind her & family members this is how she said she treated our pet imagine how she would treat our children ... I would Never have anything to do with her .. Shes a Horrible woman an Abusive woman. Whom I want Nothing to do with
Send mommy's message in full to the family and ask them what would they do with it. And go to the police station and file a complaint of animal abuse
You and hubby should move far away From this animal abusing self centered woman. Who also apparently thinks you're not good enough for her son. That her son would rather cheat on you than be with you. Good that he stood up for you. A couple is supposed to do that. Parents need to for their kids too. Move away. Make it hard for her to get near you both. Thank your man for being a knight for you.
I'd like to be the 'fly' on the wall as to which section of the text prompted him to confront his mom. Was it the poor treatment of the dog or the outing of his 'cheating' or the part about the baby being some 'game piece' to hang on to the man? So much to unpack there.
Go visit her in hospital and laugh in her face. Any time one of the in-laws tried to start something you can just stone wall them and call them all disgusting human beings for even entertaining the thought of an apology. Unfortunately this site is heavily moderated so I can't say what I would do but there would be blood and violence.
things like this make me happy i get along really well with my mother in law. honestly if my mom ever treated my husband with such disrespect id disown her. it would b hard for my husband to do this since we live in a basement apartment of my in laws house but i kno hed have words to say if this happened to me. the OP did the right thing. if she confronted the mother in law herself nothing would b solved. also i have 2 diabetics in my family my mother in law and my neice. both were put under extreme stress at one point and confronted with issues that upset them and neither fainted. the OP's mother in law either faked it or she went into shock bc she was so convinced her son would side with her. the OP's husband did the right thing honestly. they dont need the mother in laws toxic behavior anywhere near their newborn child or in their lives in general. its healthier to get rid of toxic behavior.
No, no, no.... do not apologize to that evil twisted excuse for a human. That just gives her the power and the behavior will only get worse. You did the right thing. It only feels wrong because you have heart.
Your husband is avoiding you? ok...first of all..MIL is a jerk...she sent the texts and expected you to just deal with her s****y behaviour. Second....is your husband regretting that he yelled at his mother. Also...animal abuse..s****y. Saying your husband is talking to an ex...s****y. You have a s****y mother in law..I'm sorry
Anyone ever thought that the husband and his family are just lying to gaslight his wife? All sounds like they are trying to get rid of her and with the alleged husband's reactions it feels like they are preparing a case of sole custody, explaining that the wife is crazy and keeping their grandchild from them. No way did the mil pass out from diabetes and the doctors thought it was serious enough to be admitted. Be very careful going forward. It won't be long till you realise your husband is also gas lighting you as well. Please save up some money and have an exit plan in place. Be safe
She wrote the text. The consequences of that are her responsibility. Imagine what she would have done if you had gone round and confronted her? You did the right thing. I had an abusive MIL but that's another story
If that was my mother, she'd be dead to me from now on. She'd never see me or my child at all ever. She could crawl on her hands and knees across a bed of cut glass mixed with salt and vinegar and I still wouldn't forgive her. Dam* what a c**t. And the rest of the family members that took her side could go eff themselves, I wouldn't give them the time of day ever again either.
It sounds strange, that her husband should be avoiding her, but maybe he feels ashamed of getting so violently angry at his mother. Some people like to feel, that they are kind and welbalanced and gets ashamed to find out, that this is not always the case. Hopefully we will hear an update, that he is no longer avoiding her.
Reminds me of Kathy Bates as Bobby Boucher's mom in the movie "The Waterboy"
Stay away from mil completely and don't let her near your child or pets ever. I'm glad your husband stood up to her and he saw how horrible she truly is. The others I don't think I would have any contact with them either for mil will try to get them to do her dirty work for her, the fainting is a party trick to get attention and make people feel sorry for her nothing to do with her diabetes, I know people who can faint on cue, to get attention and get out of a situation that don't like, some people are not happy unless they are causing problems for others that sadly is how they get their happiness. Stay away far away
My mother spoke, not only texted, like this every day, and another sibling as well, I didn't see my father protecting anyone but her. Maybe husband was surprised because this was thr first time he'd seen it in black and white, but that drama queen is behaving that way every day. He did the right thing but he's being manipulated with the hospital stuff. It was done to me too and I did not jump on the plane or come running. Never give in to such people.
And now the husband is avoiding the wife? Yeah, he's chatting with his ex every chance he gets. That's why he's really mad! (Seriously, he didn't just find out that his mother doesn't like his wife and has been abusing her.)
She was absolutely right to show it to her husband for several reasons; (1)as others have said each partner should handle their own (2) Her MIL is a monster [I'll bet the husband already knew that] and the OP was in a no-win situation with it. The husband definitely had the right [and I personally think the duty] to go off on his mother. The SILs are enablers of a dysfunctional mother [without the fun] because they're afraid she'll turn on them or they may have just inherited her baked in evil. What most concerns me is that the OP says her husband is avoiding her now. If he thinks he could have handled it better, that's on him, it doesn't say his wife egged him on, but he's lived with that c**p his whole life and probably unloaded a lifetime of anger. BUT he's now trying to process doing the unthinkable: going against Mommy Dearest. She probably threatened abused and manipulated her children their entire lives and now he's defied her.
OP you did right to show the text to your husband. If she truly fainted, did they check her blood sugar (to high or to low) and that's not your fault. Did they check her blood pressure and heart rate, she is receiving the consequences of her actions, so again not your fault. She created this mess. She is manipulative and toxic. Be proud of your husband for standing up for you. You won't change the SIL mind, they have been against you from the start, they are their mother's daughters. Successful, loving marriage is the best revenge. And keep the dog away from her, make other arrangements. She is abusing the dog. My husband is a diabetic and had heart issues, he doesn't faint.
Is he really sticking up for wifey??? Probably he's mad at mommy cause she ratted him out for still being with his "ex". There's a tension here that maybe mom doesn't know how to handle being put in that position. She can never be at ease with her DIL if she's got to keep a secret like that.
Wow!! Run with your family as far away as you can get ! Crazy people do crazy things. ( watch that your dog doesn’t come up poisoned or something in the yard ) This is not the end. Good for you for showing your husband, he needs to know. Remind her you have the P***y power and will move so far she won’t even know anything about her son ,she needs to stand down ! I have been through this and I’m sorry. Good luck
And I will agree with the one responder who said that when there is an issue, the person who is actually related by blood to the one who causes the issue should deal with it. Had the wife attempted to confront the MIL, those same in-laws would have been ranting that she had no right to do so.
Can i just say this hubby is a freaking keeper. He seems to be so loyal to you and the fact that he out right disowned her ,shows that maybe the wife wasn't the only shes done this to. Sounds like his whole family is toxic and hes the only good black sheep of the family
NTA. I'm going for the jugular here in saying you should have posted her entire text on social media. But I'm just venting for you. Do not look back. Your husband is obviously as serious as his Mother. You and your husband seem to be the only ones who understand that her venomous, evil and toxic behavior deserved to not only be exposed, but have the ultimate consequence.
The MIL is certainly mean and spiteful, no doubt. But I think husband's reaction was a bit harsh (I know I'll be downvoted for expressing an unpopular opinion). Being polite but firm while talking to his mom would be OK but having a meltdown with name calling and disowning is taking it a bit too far. Why have people stopped trying to keep their emotions under control? Is it a new trend or what?..
I would be filing for divorce and taking this text to a lawyer as a way to get full custody of my kid. This whole family seems to be screwed up in the head....confront the MIL privately? Ha! What would that prove?! She did right, but I get serious momma's boy vibes here, so I'm sure she'll be back in the picture soon enough, and doubling down on the abuse. In short - Run, OP, run!
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This looks like it could fit right in over on JustNoMIL. Original posters there pull out all the stops demonizing their mothers-in-law and this ticks all the boxes. Animal abuse, histrionics, attempts to drive a wedge between the daughter-in-law and her son, referring to herself as "his mommy", it's all there. And there's a child, of course there is, new mothers are never anything but unkempt martyrs. Why can she only eat certain things? Is she breastfeeding and so must avoid things like garlic? She doesn't say, yet she's right there to describe everything else in excruciating detail. Add to this DIL's claiming to have been the one making all the attempts to reconcile the situation and her husband's nuclear response to the over the top texts at a late hour, in front of the entire family - do none of these people work? - and it feels very much like a work of fiction. AITA is another hotbed of creative writing. I wouldn't believe a word without proof that you can't get.
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