This Barber Shop Opens Its Doors To Abusive Men Where They Can Share Their Past Trauma So It Doesn’t Affect Their Relationships
If you’ve been unfortunate enough to experience physical, emotional or sexual abuse or any other kind of traumatic experience – you know how hard it is to overcome these experiences. They tend to live inside of you, eating up your self-esteem day by day. However, as these days, mental illnesses and hardships get more and more attention, it becomes easier for those who are wounded to open up about their hardships. Nevertheless, many stereotypes still prevail, especially when it comes to men’s mental health.
More info: She Is Not Your Rehab | Facebook | Instagram
Matt Brown is a barber whose mission is to help men heal from their past traumas
Image credits: sheisnotyourrehab
Matt Brown is a barber in Christchurch City, New Zealand – but he does way more than just cutting hair. He set up his own barbershop in a shed in his backyard, but fast-forward today – the barbershop has become a whole movement, helping men in pain, to heal.
He set up a barbershop in his backyard shed
Image credits: sheisnotyourrehab
Matt started barbering more than a decade ago. While barbering in Auckland, New Zealand, he realized something – men who come into a barbershop come for more than just a haircut. “Men were coming in and not you know, wanting more than just the haircut, they wanted a conversation. And not many places, spaces, allow men to really open up quite like the barber chair,” Matt told the media. So when he set up his own business, he knew that’s what exactly he needed to do.
But it grew into a big movement called ‘She Is Not Your Rehab’
Image credits: sheisnotyourrehab
Matt’s business, My Father’s Barbers, evolved into a safe space where men can open up the issues that they have without the fear of judgment. “A lot of my friends were joining gangs, were addicted to sex and drugs, you name it, some committed suicide, some are going into prison. And I just wanted to create a space where men could come and talk,” the barber opened up to the media.
The movement is empowering men to address their past traumas through honest conversations
Image credits: sheisnotyourrehab
He says that men talk about various things, including sport, TV and how their weekends went. But it doesn’t stop there – they open up about their struggles and fears and emotional traumas.
Instead of projecting them into their relationships
Image credits: sheisnotyourrehab
“I’ve had grown men cry; I’ve sat with some of the staunchest, most successful, ruthless men in my city in my chair crying together. This is not a very popular business plan, step one get a barbershop, step two cry with your clients!”
Matt himself has faced some serious and painful struggles while growing up
Image credits: myfathersbarber
He told the media that he grew up in a very abusive household. “When I look back at that, I think it’s so sad no-one in our world stepped in or said anything for Mum, because Mum would go to church like that; pregnant, bruised face, but no-one said or did anything.” Luckily, the young man moved out of his home when he was only 15 and, as he says, he got “proper help.”
He says that his main inspiration was his wife
Image credits: sheisnotyourrehab
“The real change came when I met my wife, who was my best friend, and when you have a strong woman that can, you know, challenge the status quo and still love you and see behind the masks that I would wear and love me still, that brought a lot of change,” Matt shared.
Matt is hoping that the movement will help to create violence-free communities
Image credits: sheisnotyourrehab
He wants men to take their own responsibility for their own healing instead of projecting their traumas into their relationships. “If men take responsibility for their own healing, that will heal the whole family and if women take responsibility for their own healing and do not rescue men, that will heal the whole family because our kids are watching.”
Matt has also given a TED talk, which you can watch below
Image credits: TedX Talks
Here’s what people have been saying online
47Kviews
Share on FacebookThose who are abusive, and those who are abused both need help. This is a fantastic, platonic resource, exactly as it should be. I'm so glad.
And, often, abuse breeds abuse so the victims become abusers themselves. This is such a great way to try to break that cycle.
Load More Replies...I'm really happy to see this. We have a huge domestic violence problem here in nz, I'm so glad these guys are straight up turning it around and airing the issue. That's half the battle is it's so hidden away
I think that men's mental health gets swept under the rug a lot as there is still the idea of men having to be more tough. It IS partially in their nature to be slightly less feeling due to evolutionary biology, but not nearly as much as people make it seem. The difference between male and female in that is so little and insignificant, that the people who bring it up are complete idiots. Also, level of sensitivity depends on the guy. It's really nice to see that men are being encouraged to accept what happened to them and move on
Love love LOVE this idea!!! This is such an important part of the women's right movement: Giving men the room to heal, to express their emotions to not always be the strong provider who gets applauded for being tough. Despite the vast amount of backlash, stories like this make me feel we really have moved forward a bit towards more humane societies and less toxic gender-stereotyping.
Being forced to make light conversation with my barber as they cut my hair is my idea of hell. My regular has accepted this and we conduct the whole affair in stony silence, as god intended....Good on him for doing something worthwhile though.
That's a fair and open-minded comment. I have a similar attitude with Facebook. Some people get comfort and support from discussing personal problems on Facebook, while I prefer to discuss them in private conversations with a select few. To each their own.
Load More Replies...This is beautiful. I hope more and more spaces like this appear and grow.
AWESOME. There are tons of women's centres and groups for this kind of thing, but it's a real necessity for men. Great stuff, love it.
Wow!.....As a whole man who has endured a entire lifetime of abusive men, from age 6 to present age of 60, I can tell you that is should be a beginning for the entire world! After years and years of surviving torment, confusion, anger, rage, trauma, re-traumatizing, inevitable self-abuse, total devastation and destruction...there is still hope in my heart, spirit and soul to somehow help find ways to encourage the healthy healing processes for those who've also been previously silenced by another's suffering. To be a victim, survivor and feel as if I'm just another link in such an epically painful deterioration of the good woman I am, is exactly -why- we need such empathetic mindfulness, intelligent caution, armed with knowledge and brave wisdom to see us all as the same people who inhabit the same space. Know that if we're worthy of respect, show respect with your mind's eyes open. I appreciate what this article is truly saying and whatever enlightenment it may bring for any and all.
GREAT WORK!!!! So encouraging to hear about! Praying for you and the men who are healing!
One thing that struck me - "She is not your rehab" seems exclusive to men who are in a relationship with a woman. I'm sure it's not meant to be exclusionary, but it sounds like it is.
Why take issue with that word? Statistics show that the greatest percentage of spouse or SO abuse is male against female, so this covers a great majority of those who are affected. Is there another word that is not gender specific which gets across the point without being wordy? I can't think of one.
Load More Replies..."This Barber Shop Opens Its Doors To Abusive Men As A Place For Healing" who the hell edits the titles? :D
I'm not sure it isn't for abusers. "She is not your rehab" is not explained, but could it mean "taking it out on her is not the answer"? So maybe they are abusive because of the abuse in their earlier lives that they need to talk about and deal with. The "She is not your rehab" maybe means "come to the barber instead and talk about it".
Load More Replies...I wish there was a place like this here. There's really no place for abused men here in America.
Should have known it involved some mythical deity and a lot of touching.....
Being emotionally open might be out of your comfort zone or you might not feel the need to express sadness or insecurities, which is okay. However, I don't see the point in shaming others for dealing with personal problems openly. Whatever annoyance it causes you, it can help some people and it doesn't hurt others.
Load More Replies...Those who are abusive, and those who are abused both need help. This is a fantastic, platonic resource, exactly as it should be. I'm so glad.
And, often, abuse breeds abuse so the victims become abusers themselves. This is such a great way to try to break that cycle.
Load More Replies...I'm really happy to see this. We have a huge domestic violence problem here in nz, I'm so glad these guys are straight up turning it around and airing the issue. That's half the battle is it's so hidden away
I think that men's mental health gets swept under the rug a lot as there is still the idea of men having to be more tough. It IS partially in their nature to be slightly less feeling due to evolutionary biology, but not nearly as much as people make it seem. The difference between male and female in that is so little and insignificant, that the people who bring it up are complete idiots. Also, level of sensitivity depends on the guy. It's really nice to see that men are being encouraged to accept what happened to them and move on
Love love LOVE this idea!!! This is such an important part of the women's right movement: Giving men the room to heal, to express their emotions to not always be the strong provider who gets applauded for being tough. Despite the vast amount of backlash, stories like this make me feel we really have moved forward a bit towards more humane societies and less toxic gender-stereotyping.
Being forced to make light conversation with my barber as they cut my hair is my idea of hell. My regular has accepted this and we conduct the whole affair in stony silence, as god intended....Good on him for doing something worthwhile though.
That's a fair and open-minded comment. I have a similar attitude with Facebook. Some people get comfort and support from discussing personal problems on Facebook, while I prefer to discuss them in private conversations with a select few. To each their own.
Load More Replies...This is beautiful. I hope more and more spaces like this appear and grow.
AWESOME. There are tons of women's centres and groups for this kind of thing, but it's a real necessity for men. Great stuff, love it.
Wow!.....As a whole man who has endured a entire lifetime of abusive men, from age 6 to present age of 60, I can tell you that is should be a beginning for the entire world! After years and years of surviving torment, confusion, anger, rage, trauma, re-traumatizing, inevitable self-abuse, total devastation and destruction...there is still hope in my heart, spirit and soul to somehow help find ways to encourage the healthy healing processes for those who've also been previously silenced by another's suffering. To be a victim, survivor and feel as if I'm just another link in such an epically painful deterioration of the good woman I am, is exactly -why- we need such empathetic mindfulness, intelligent caution, armed with knowledge and brave wisdom to see us all as the same people who inhabit the same space. Know that if we're worthy of respect, show respect with your mind's eyes open. I appreciate what this article is truly saying and whatever enlightenment it may bring for any and all.
GREAT WORK!!!! So encouraging to hear about! Praying for you and the men who are healing!
One thing that struck me - "She is not your rehab" seems exclusive to men who are in a relationship with a woman. I'm sure it's not meant to be exclusionary, but it sounds like it is.
Why take issue with that word? Statistics show that the greatest percentage of spouse or SO abuse is male against female, so this covers a great majority of those who are affected. Is there another word that is not gender specific which gets across the point without being wordy? I can't think of one.
Load More Replies..."This Barber Shop Opens Its Doors To Abusive Men As A Place For Healing" who the hell edits the titles? :D
I'm not sure it isn't for abusers. "She is not your rehab" is not explained, but could it mean "taking it out on her is not the answer"? So maybe they are abusive because of the abuse in their earlier lives that they need to talk about and deal with. The "She is not your rehab" maybe means "come to the barber instead and talk about it".
Load More Replies...I wish there was a place like this here. There's really no place for abused men here in America.
Should have known it involved some mythical deity and a lot of touching.....
Being emotionally open might be out of your comfort zone or you might not feel the need to express sadness or insecurities, which is okay. However, I don't see the point in shaming others for dealing with personal problems openly. Whatever annoyance it causes you, it can help some people and it doesn't hurt others.
Load More Replies...
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