Women Are Sharing Their Assault Stories And It’s Shocking How Common It Is (20 Tweets)
With the rise of the #metoo movement in recent years and a string of high-profile cases, it appears that we as a society are finally getting to grips with an insidious yet heartbreakingly common issue – invasive, aggressive and unwanted sexual predator advances.
Previously, people who experienced this scary and dehumanizing behavior have been implicitly encouraged to either ignore it or simply accept sexual assaults as ‘normal’ – our collective refusal to face up to the problem has been the main cause of this. Lame excuses like ‘boys will be boys,’ or ‘it’s just because he likes you,’ leave many victims feeling like everything was somehow their own fault, so they instead have to suffer in silence along with feelings of guilt and shame.
Women (and also some men) are staying silent no longer.
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After Twitter user KenidraRWoods asked women to speak up, the responses came in heartbreakingly large numbers.
According to a study by RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), an American is sexually assaulted, groped, catcalled or harassed every 92 seconds – sexual abuse and its normalization is a problem that is deeply rooted in our culture.
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Many men joined in the conversation, shocked by the everyday experiences that women are faced with and vowing to help address the issue through understanding, education and the willingness to confront inappropriate sexual behavior when they see it.
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What do you think? Are initiatives like #metoo helping to confront the issue of sexual violence? What else can we do to turn around casual and corrosive attitudes towards it? Let us know your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
I've never commented before even though i read bored panda every day, but this post bothers me so much i had to. I was sexually abused by my father for years and even after a restraining order and helping get my baby sister from his custody i fell for his apologies only to be raped again in my 20s by him. I still struggle trying to get angry at him. I make excuses for him that he's mentally ill because you have you be to rape a child right? I told my mother the first time it happened and she made him APOLOGIZE!!! but continued to let hom have primary custody of her 2 daughters. If after all that and most days i still feel guilty... As in maybe im remembering it wrong, maybe i did make it too easy... The fact i even ask myself those questions means society is perhaps giving me the wrong message about victims. I just had a child, a boy. I plan to raise him to treat women right, always ask is this ok? And to trust his gut if he feels unsafe. Thanks pandas for reading this.
You saying “maybe I did make it easy”, breaks my heart and is all down to the victim blaming society puts on us. The ONLY person to blame is the perpetrator. For years I kept blaming myself for always going to my neighbours house even when it was going on. It has taken YEARS of therapy and help from my hubby to understand things better. I was a child, and he took advantage. I hope you can heal from this and congratulations on your little boy. All the best to you and your future.
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Saddest to me was "at least I wasn't raped". I was. Also, some years later, groped at work, subjected to profane commentary on/about body parts, told to let male co-workers do XYZ to "keep the peace" *by a female boss*. ... We have to teach our kids (of both sexes!) to be and do better...
The largeness of what fits under the 'at least I wasn't raped...' blanket... ~~~ So much damage and pain is caused by people who are in positions where they are supposed to help protect and heal insisting on specific qualifiers before they consider it 'real assault'. When they insist that if xyz didn't happen, or, conversely did happen, or the victim was wearing/ doing/ said xyz... well, it wasn't 'legitimate rape', or 'actual assault', or 'real abuse'. As if there's some universal checklist that abusers and rapists use where it only counts if every box is ticked.
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I think it's also about "forgetting", that we just don't remember every time. ----------- Only when the metoo debate started I remembered my teacher looking at my breast and making a few comments. Made me wear different clothes on the day's I had his classes. ---------- Last week there were three men in the supermarket, where on of them started talking to me. Wanted to know my name, where I'm from, wanted to walk me to my car - even though I had told him, that I'm not interessted and in a hurry. ----------- And I'm not that good looking, I'm quite overweight. Sometimes I think of these comments as "ohh, she's probably really good looking to attract so much attention". But then I try to remind myself, that it's not about beeing good looking.
Nope, it's not about your looks. It's about their rage and need to punish and control. Doesn't matter if the offender is male/female or the victim is male/female. One wants to take power and get their jollies by hurting the other. And this is why I hate being a human instead of, say, a tree...
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i've been a d-cup since 12. i had a college kid try and pull me up to his hotel room while on vacation with my family because i smiled at him when he smiled at me at the pool. i was 12. he said i was lying because 12 year olds don't have my chest. if my older male cousin had not come over to stop him and alerted my uncle, i shudder to think what would have happened. that was just the beginning of the end of my childhood. i was never allowed to be a kid again, just a sex object.
My best friend's mom didn't want her to play with me anymore because I had developed and she was sure I was going to "get into trouble" because of it. She treated me as if I had willed my boobs to grow.
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I work in a shop where you can make football/basketball/tennis etc bets. (sorry don´t know the english word for this kind of work) And I have only male customers. And I like my work I really do but I have this one customer who comes every day, and everytime he makes this stupid comments like : Uff whoa look at your body....you are sooo sexy!! How is this possible you don´t have a boyfriend? How can you live without sex? Do you watch porn? Are you a virgin? .....and his comments make me so uncomfortable. I told him 100 times to stop that I don´t like the way he talks to me. I told my boss too (woman) and she laughs about it. She said : Ahh don´t listen, he´s stupid. Or : thats just likes he is. But I don´t think thats "OK" asking me questions like do I watch porn???? Or how can I survive without a boyfriend because that means I don´t have sex? Thats none of your buisness! I shared this story months ago on bored panda. But I wanted to tell this again. this happens every day. Sad....
If it’s an option, simply stop interacting with him. No eye contact, no responses to anything he says—treat him like a ghost. If that’s not possible, complete your interaction in a way that does this as much as possible. Never, ever smile at him and make no eye contact beyond what is absolutely necessary.
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Between the ages of 11-13 I was sexually abused by a close neighbour. When I eventually told my mum we went to the police and made a report. Nothing else was done because times and dates weren’t remembered. It also came to light that his niece had also made a report against him for sexual abuse. He never went to court or charged with anything, only reports on his record. My mum and Aunty were also abused by one of their close neighbours. My Aunty was effected by it so badly that she committed suicide and my mum still suffers the effects even after 40 odd years.
That is so tragic! Every actual man should be aware that there are some vile, rabid animals with no manhood among his gender who harm females, and actual men should be proactively supportive of females. Because an actual man would have the intellect and manhood to comprehend that females need to be protected from the unhinged animals of their male gender. That police officer must have been a sex offender himself for not putting that sick perpetrator in prison for what he had done. Not a shred of manhood in that deranged officer.
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Almost every woman/girl I've had a relationship with has had at least one story of being harassed or sexually assaulted. I'm more surprised when I meet a woman who hasn't experienced something like this, and I suspect they most likely eventually will. It's disgusting and sad.
They have, they just didn't weren't raised to recognize it as such.
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I was trafficked at 15.5 years old. No one looked for me . When I got away got back home and tried to tell people I was attacked at school , at home all anywhere I went was called prostitute, dirty whore was hit . Dated men who abused me , used drugs to numb myself ended up being a.junky loser because I no longer cared or wanted to live. Many years later I found my way, the right way it took me so long I lost my entire life to it all. I struggle day to day with loving myself enough to make it another day. I am sober now for years. I'm just now living a normal life .. I'll be forty soon. And have layered disease with no cure and no access to medicine. I have few years left. At times I feel robbed
I am so sorry. You did not deserve that. I wish you healing.
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Um, screw the slag who tried to invalidate your experiences bc you weren't raped so you shouldn't b***h about it. The #metoo moments in your life were valid and you had to deal with them on a personal level. I'm glad you got to speak up, these things that happened to you should be said and not minimized bc it wasn't as bad as rape. Being groped, mocked, and pressured to do something you didn't want to do are all things that shouldn't happen to anybody but they happened to you bc you're female and that's the whole point of the #metoo movement!
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It's weird because these have happened to me but I didn't realize how pervasive the culture is until the last few years now that people are talking about it. I quit one of my first jobs as a teenager because a couple of the men were constantly sexually harassing me. I didn't know how to cope. I've been followed and harassed often, especially when younger. I was catcalled a few weeks ago an I'm in my 50's (I'm small and he was far away, probably couldn't see the wrinkles). I thought all this was my fault. Makes me ill.
As a human and a respectful male, this post is sad to read. It makes me angry when people share their hurt and anguish and idiots down vote them. It's sad that some women can't make eye contact when they walk bye, they just look at their feet. Is this years of fearing male attention? A few weeks ago, i drove along a dark country road, i see a woman walking alone in the dark, i can't stop to ask if she wants a lift, because it would scare her, so i drive by without slowing. As a man you can't even stop to help a lost child, Maybe this is different in your country?
I live in American and where I'm from (at least the women that I talk to) live in fear of this. I will not take a walk late at night, not for fear of getting robbed, but fear of getting raped. And yes, if I male says hi to me, I will not speak, because I am fearful of what may happen to me if I "entertain" him with a smile or the time of day. I would rather pretend you don't exist and keep on walking no matter how attractive you are. If I guy offers me a ride, I'm running. I carry multiple weapons on me and I think about an escape plan every time I am by myself. It makes me uncomfortable in my skin.
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One of the additional reasons I think this goes under reported and allowed to propagate is that there is a mentally that: "You will only get harassed if you're conventially cute, pretty or beautiful" - I was abused/attacked by at least half of my past relationships... and the response was pretty much a resounding "You HAVE a boyfriend, why are you complaining?"... or... when a family-friend would 'tickle' me in VERY inappropriate places as a child, my parents would say "He's being FRIENDLY. You're ugly, so maybe you should appreciate the attention" - or they straight up don't believe you because they don't think anyone would go NEAR a potato like me. That's just as much of an issue. Drill it in. It's not about attraction. It's about POWER and DOMINANCE.
"You HAVE a boyfriend, why are you complaining?" Did these sort of comments come from just your family or everyone you know?
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For f***s sake people focus on the point of the post: raising awareness for how common sexual harassment, groping, etc is for women and educating possible perpetrators of it so it f****n stops! Too much of this "well what about thiiiisss????" Go make a post about that if you want JFC
I was first harassed at 14 - a man filmed up my skirt. It flipped a switch in my mind and after that everything seemed a little less sunshine and rainbows, and more hostile and frankly disgusting. Now an event like that is always in the back of my mind when I go out. Is this common? Did anyone else have a 'switch' event?
I'm 50 and I was verbally harassed by a stranger just last week. That c**p has been going on since I was 8 (and I'd rather not think about all the rest). At least the last time a strange man outright tried to grab me was 10 years ago; some guy on a train who was on a power trip, I guess. I was standing and holding a pole when he abruptly grabbed my arm, said he wanted to get to know me and what was my name. When I jerked my arm from his grasp and said I wasn't interested, he swore at me a blue streak, and I had to get off the train at the next stop (of course it wasn't my stop). No one else in the car said a word. I'm grateful that he didn't hit me, or follow me, or worse—and ISN'T THAT MESSED UP!!?!?
Aaaand, of COURSE, there are lots of comments from offenden men. -_- Honestly,, will there ever be a time when men will not automatically think, that absolutely everything circles around them? Many men see women as objects and treat them as such. Not all men, certainly not the men in my family and vicinity, but the number is still legion. And they do it ALL THE TIME! So, of course, we end up with every woman under sexual assault at some time or other and many men not actively assaulting. Yet, still, this post is about the WOMEN. Not the men. Just stop making everything about you!
There is some serious incel retaliatory aggression happening in these comments! News flash: sexual aggression happens, from cat calling to rape and everything in between, whether it is violent enough to leave "evidence" or not. Rapists absolutely can - and do - lie on the stand in courts of law all the time. This is a post about awareness and community - for women who may have no other platform on which to be heard as well as for men and women who want to learn/lend support and encouragement. If you do not find yourself in any of those categories, I hate to break it to you, this is not for you. The cowardice of bashing and downvoting women and men sharing relatable, supportive and positive comments is contemptable and only serves to reinforce the point being made. Not ALL men take sexual liberties, just as not ALL men are creepy misogynists, but they are certainly out there and sadly in here as well! Thank you to the pandas who have the grace and courage to engage in a thoughtful and respectful way. To the rest of you sad individuals, maybe you should be taking notes and leave the downvoting alone.
I also once worked with a man who would comment on my work attire, saying I looked nice in my pants or whatever. Being young and naive I just brushed it off as compliments but now realize it was really sexual harassment, and reality wish I would've reported him.
I find it weird that men find it hard to believe that basically every woman has experienced harassment and most have experienced a certain level of assault. I dated a kind and respectful man who seemed to have trouble understanding how I could have been assaulted because I am "smart and strong willed and tall".
Two weeks ago I looked through this post and thought, "Gosh, this is just nasty! Though I am glad it's never happened to me before." and then the other weekend some friends and I were on a walk, just the three of us, and this guy did that... I don't know if you could call it catcalling, but that whistle thing that some people do when they find another attractive? I don't know what to call it but he rolled down his car window and did that at us. We are all 15, and it was the weirdest, most awkward thing.
I've been sexually abused several times, and now flinch any time somebody touches me. Even when family members say I'm attractive, all I feel like is some public property there for anyone to use. It's like I have no feelings and it's almost impossible to cry anymore. A song I discovered that really got to me is called "How to never stop being sad" and I cried for hours after hearing that. I have bad depression and worse anxiety, and seeing a therapist didnt help. My therapist quit her job two months after meeting me. Am I just a burden? Should I just kill myself? I just don't know what to do. I'm not financially stable, and I don't know my options. I called 18002738255, which is a suicide hotline. I hung up after about five seconds of sobbing while being on hold. It made me feel not even worth the time of a human being, so they made a robot for it.
That’s horrible. Just know us pandas love you and want you to feel happy and safe. Don’t give up on yourself. You are not a burden and you deserve a good life. (Also, try listening to the song “Angels and Airwaves” by Angel Haze. It saved my best friends life)
Load More Replies... 12 year old trans boy here. when I was 3 and closeted, my biological father would repeatedly rape me. this carried on until I was 5 years old and told my babysitter. he never served a day in prison,nor had to have parole. all I got was an "apology" that meant nothing. then when I was 11 and still in the closet,my stepparent groped me after making me smoke pot. I was completely out of it and still,at damn near 13, struggle with PTSD every day. eveny my best friend has a story. when she was 4, a man almost kidnapped her. the s**t women go through is shocking.
My husband was a very strong, powerful man (and also very kind). He got a type of cancer that ate away at his bones until they were so fragile, they would break spontaneously. It was the first time in his life he had ever been weak. If he wanted to go out for a walk or anything, he would have to think about his safety. He said, what would I do if someone just decided to attack me? It would mean his life. He said he had realized this is what it must be like to be a woman, to always have to be thinking about your safety and your surroundings and who is around you and what they might be capable of. He was really sad to realize how we live with that our whole lives.
Details are kind of hazy. I was 5 or 6 when I first got molested or whatever it’s called today(won’t go near a waterbed for the life of me). 13 when a co-renter was stealing my panties and saw him in the first time.. 13 when I ran away and end up in group home where I was actually sexually assaulted for the first time(BJ) 19 when I was actually raped woke up to a friend “finishing in me” when I was asleep. We were drinking but I made it clear very early on that that was a no go and my best friend was in the room when it happened. We were all asleep except him. Even when I woke up I just yelled at him. I was like wtf. I got a date rape drug when I was 25, thankfully made it unscathed other than extreme sickness for two days after. That is not including the many time people have said stupid cat calling stuff that I’ve ignored. The best out look I have on this is already mine were not brutal, I’ve made it pretty mentally intact.
Only thoughts are 1. I’ve made it mentally intact for the most part 2. I am ultrasensitive to children and making sure nothing ever happens to them it actually kind of sad because I kind of just wish I could be ignorant to the fact to pedofillia existence. What’s even sadder is my mate is a male and he too had something in his childhood which should not happen. It’s even harder on guys because it is not expected to happen while women it is a normal statistic.
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My Mother was raped over and over starting at 2 by her Grandfather. I have been raped more than once, when I was in high school. My disabled sister has been raped. I had a job where my boss sexually harassed me. It led to a severe drug problem because there was nothing I could do. I told my therapist about those, the first person I ever told. As I cried, he told me I was overreacting
It's the same when men tell you to smile, walking by saying "hey sweetie, show me a smile!". That makes me want to smile less. I had a man harassing me with his car window down the other day, trying to get me to talk to him. I ignored him and faced forward. When the light changed for me to walk in the cross walk, he stepped on the gas and cut me off in the walkway, laughing like he had won.
It's not just women who this is happening too. I'm 13 year old boy and a person at school grabbed me in a certain spot. They were kicked out of the school though.
The main things we MUST do is teach our children (1) to tell when it happens right away and (2) that they are not at fault in any way, that the shame belongs to the assailant. Hopefully we'll raise a generation of adults who understand this. Unfortunately this doesn't work so well if your molester is also your parent or guardian.
*raises hand* f**k these guys. ladies, i know a place where you can take great self defense classes. if the men assault us, we rabbit-punch them where it hurts. no more "nice girls". we. are. badass. women. treat us like we can punch your balls out. because we can. and if necessary...we absolutely will.
My experiences weren't much, but I was 12 and 14 when they happened. The first one, I was catcalled by 4 men in their 20´s three years ago. I was out for a walk and a red pickup truck pulled up next to me. They whistled, called out, and waved me over. I ran as fast as I could. Roughly 30 mins later I had continued my walk, and the same truck was driving a short distance behind me. They whistled, and then drove off laughing. I can still hear that laugh. The second time was with my first boyfriend. I was on my period and needed to get to my backpack to get a pad. He blocked me from getting to it, kicking it away or holding me back, until I kissed him. It was humiliating, and a week later, I heard that he was planning on having sex with me (I was and still am a virgin) and I broke up with him on the spot.
I can't believe we live in a world where we have to be thankful for ONLY being catcalled, because atleast they didn't rape me.
I was the baseball manager when I was a sophomore in high school and even on long trips I never took a nap because I didn't know what would happen if I was asleep. I have had delivery customers be overly friendly with me and sometimes I just wanted to run as fast as possible. I had a guy cyberstalk me when I was in college. I stopped online dating because all they wanted was sex.
a boy at school body shamed me bc he thot he was funny and i threatened to slap him silly
am I the only one who hasn't had any of this stuff happen to me? or am I just oblivious?
👋 A bunch of this I've never talked about with anyone besides "it's happened". I'm a transwoman and the first time was when an older female family member forced me to listen to them have phone sex when I was in the 2nd grade. That person later forced me to touch them when I was in the 4th grade. Got a toon of harrassment through out school for being seen as "gay" which included a lot of rape threats. Was assaulted after a friends birthday party and when he shoved his hand inside my pants and found I didn't have a vagina he tried to kill me. Been catcalled, groped, propositioned, harassed, and threatened with rape more time than I can count and now struggle with depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I love that "Me Too" is bringing sexual violence to the light and forcing us to confront what's actually happening. But as someone who has been victimized by a woman I've really frustrated by focus on male perpetrators and cis-female survivors. As a trans person I feel like I'm being ignored....
I first experienced this when I was about 12. No, I wasn't mature looking for my age, quite the opposite - I was a skinny flat chested kid who actually looked 12, maybe even younger. Now it's a relief to be over 60 and not have to put up with this any more.
I was sexually abused by ny cousin from 11to 15. I didnt tell anyone for years until i told one person and they said its prolly your clothes. And at 15 i had tochave an abortion bc my body couldnt handle a child. At twenty i was raped and beaten and had to have an abortion (sorry for this)
Never apologize for your personal experiences. They are yours. You survived them, and have the strength to talk about them in a public forum. This isn't politics, this is real life for a lot of us. You have NOTHING to apologize for!
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Besides catcalls, I remember a few incidents. The most recent one being a friend of mine, who knew I wasn't interested in him, groping my bottom more than once when we went to a festival together. I also remember something that happened to my friend and I when we were about 18. It was late afternoon but it was dark already, we were in a fairly crowded area, waiting at the bus stop. This old man stopped his bicycle right in front of us, I did the front of his coat, and started jerking off in full view. It was repulsive to say the least.
This stuff has happened to me many times whether I'm at school, on public transport or just walking down the street in my neighborhood. I am only 15. I am sick and tired of being afraid to walk out of my house and be seen in public without a guy friend next to me. I have to be extremely vigilant and careful at all times. There is nowhere outside of my house I can let my guard down.
As a young woman, who grew up in environment where it's common and normal to touch ladies, I mean unwanted touch...I have to say that not every man is a sexual predator. I'd say every third is idiot who thinks that catcalling is funny & every women all around is dying to be touched by him. Like half of men seem to think that "no" means "try again". I have to little daughters. My intention is to provide them with training in martial arts. Just for sure.
I know. It just takes one though to ruin your life.
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I feel this, it has happened to me by a boy I had a crush on. He didn't like me but took advantage of my crush. Needless to say, clothing stayed on, but it was still very inappropriate.
I assumed it was normal not to be. I never have been. Granted, I was extremely sheltered growing up and not allowed to be alone with any man. Including my own father and grandfather. Now I have s**t social skills and know my experience isn't normal. I know women who have been, even both of my sisters, but I can't relate and my sisters have never really talked about it with me because I didn't understand what it was like. I tried to understand, but I couldn't.
any time i read things like this, i both feel extremely sorry for those who have gone thru this, and i also question if this has happened to me, and i either don't remember or didn't realize at the time...i hope all y'all who have had to go through this are doing well. :']
Yes, a group of women can be an absolute nightmare to deal with. As a man, I've been groped more times than I can count, and not just a grab of the buttocks. The sort of things that would be considered, if it were done to a woman, full-on sexual assault!
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sexual harassment can happen to people of all genders and can also be initiated by people of any gender, just a little reminder :)
Yes it can. But these forums are important for women as well. I think we need them for men too though.
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Why do women go to authority figures like hr or college administrators...but not the police... This is a criminal matter...ladies if this is honestly happening then get the police involved
Why would we go straight to the police, when we know how badly the police have treated us, our friends, and our loved ones under similar circumstances? Abuse or rape trials are pure hell for the victim, not to mention the further abuse we stand to suffer from the abuser's supporters - who may well be members of our own family, or people who we thought were friends. When you've been spat on and threatened for reporting, had your family, friends and colleagues turn on you, had your property vandalised- just for reporting a horrible crime against you, then you learn that reporting to the police isn't as easy as all that. Then more than 90% of the time the offender either isn't charged or gets off scot free.
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Yes, that happens. And yes, it is suppressed. And yes, I believe we need to address it but you have to realize that these forums for women are important too.
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That’s not true. A dictionary does exist, and it defines both terms just fine. For decades, psychologists have acknowledged that harassment can vary in nature (physical, sexual, emotional, verbal harassment, or harassing people by staring at them— they are all various ways to harass and assault others). If you don’t like that, that’s your personal issue, but since actual experts in psychology do recognize the various types, then you should respect that. Only a lazy person would try to say something is ‘nothing’ because he wouldn’t want to bother to understand the fact that harassment and assault can and do vary in nature.
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How about instead of focusing on the sex or race of the victim we don't have victims anymore because behavior like this stops?!?
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My problem with commenters like you is that you assume that the articles are blaming all men, when in reality no such thing is said. There's no need to get so defensive if you haven't done anything wrong.
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Being assaulted starts the same way. We don't want to hear it.
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The culture that accepts groping and catcalls and treating women as though they were sub human or 'other' is where rapes happen. Plus you're severely under estimating the psychological effect of groping and catcalls.
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Oh no. It happens to everyone. Less, maybe, but some say you’re too fit no one will want you just be grateful
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Legal definition of assault in many jurisdictions does not require physical contact, and the legal definition of *battery* is when physical contact is involved. And that "accidental brush of shoulders" is sometimes a prelude to worse, so, yes, *people* feel freaked out by those things. Male or female. Peace.
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yeah, honey, we are not talking about 'he stared for too long'. We are talking about things like 'he pushed his hand into a 7 year old underwear' or 'he squished my a*s on the public transit' or 'he pushed a girl into a closet, put his hand on her mouth and raped her'. You haven't heard about these things until recently because people like you claim that victims are 'narcissistic bitches blowing s**t way out of line'. The police would not even try to investigate rape claims, people call victims names and some things (like rape by a husband) are not even considered a crime. Your ignorance is not a proof that something is not happening.
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saying something negative and being raped are very different things...
Load More Replies... I've never commented before even though i read bored panda every day, but this post bothers me so much i had to. I was sexually abused by my father for years and even after a restraining order and helping get my baby sister from his custody i fell for his apologies only to be raped again in my 20s by him. I still struggle trying to get angry at him. I make excuses for him that he's mentally ill because you have you be to rape a child right? I told my mother the first time it happened and she made him APOLOGIZE!!! but continued to let hom have primary custody of her 2 daughters. If after all that and most days i still feel guilty... As in maybe im remembering it wrong, maybe i did make it too easy... The fact i even ask myself those questions means society is perhaps giving me the wrong message about victims. I just had a child, a boy. I plan to raise him to treat women right, always ask is this ok? And to trust his gut if he feels unsafe. Thanks pandas for reading this.
You saying “maybe I did make it easy”, breaks my heart and is all down to the victim blaming society puts on us. The ONLY person to blame is the perpetrator. For years I kept blaming myself for always going to my neighbours house even when it was going on. It has taken YEARS of therapy and help from my hubby to understand things better. I was a child, and he took advantage. I hope you can heal from this and congratulations on your little boy. All the best to you and your future.
Load More Replies... Saddest to me was "at least I wasn't raped". I was. Also, some years later, groped at work, subjected to profane commentary on/about body parts, told to let male co-workers do XYZ to "keep the peace" *by a female boss*. ... We have to teach our kids (of both sexes!) to be and do better...
The largeness of what fits under the 'at least I wasn't raped...' blanket... ~~~ So much damage and pain is caused by people who are in positions where they are supposed to help protect and heal insisting on specific qualifiers before they consider it 'real assault'. When they insist that if xyz didn't happen, or, conversely did happen, or the victim was wearing/ doing/ said xyz... well, it wasn't 'legitimate rape', or 'actual assault', or 'real abuse'. As if there's some universal checklist that abusers and rapists use where it only counts if every box is ticked.
Load More Replies... I think it's also about "forgetting", that we just don't remember every time. ----------- Only when the metoo debate started I remembered my teacher looking at my breast and making a few comments. Made me wear different clothes on the day's I had his classes. ---------- Last week there were three men in the supermarket, where on of them started talking to me. Wanted to know my name, where I'm from, wanted to walk me to my car - even though I had told him, that I'm not interessted and in a hurry. ----------- And I'm not that good looking, I'm quite overweight. Sometimes I think of these comments as "ohh, she's probably really good looking to attract so much attention". But then I try to remind myself, that it's not about beeing good looking.
Nope, it's not about your looks. It's about their rage and need to punish and control. Doesn't matter if the offender is male/female or the victim is male/female. One wants to take power and get their jollies by hurting the other. And this is why I hate being a human instead of, say, a tree...
Load More Replies... i've been a d-cup since 12. i had a college kid try and pull me up to his hotel room while on vacation with my family because i smiled at him when he smiled at me at the pool. i was 12. he said i was lying because 12 year olds don't have my chest. if my older male cousin had not come over to stop him and alerted my uncle, i shudder to think what would have happened. that was just the beginning of the end of my childhood. i was never allowed to be a kid again, just a sex object.
My best friend's mom didn't want her to play with me anymore because I had developed and she was sure I was going to "get into trouble" because of it. She treated me as if I had willed my boobs to grow.
Load More Replies... I work in a shop where you can make football/basketball/tennis etc bets. (sorry don´t know the english word for this kind of work) And I have only male customers. And I like my work I really do but I have this one customer who comes every day, and everytime he makes this stupid comments like : Uff whoa look at your body....you are sooo sexy!! How is this possible you don´t have a boyfriend? How can you live without sex? Do you watch porn? Are you a virgin? .....and his comments make me so uncomfortable. I told him 100 times to stop that I don´t like the way he talks to me. I told my boss too (woman) and she laughs about it. She said : Ahh don´t listen, he´s stupid. Or : thats just likes he is. But I don´t think thats "OK" asking me questions like do I watch porn???? Or how can I survive without a boyfriend because that means I don´t have sex? Thats none of your buisness! I shared this story months ago on bored panda. But I wanted to tell this again. this happens every day. Sad....
If it’s an option, simply stop interacting with him. No eye contact, no responses to anything he says—treat him like a ghost. If that’s not possible, complete your interaction in a way that does this as much as possible. Never, ever smile at him and make no eye contact beyond what is absolutely necessary.
Load More Replies... Between the ages of 11-13 I was sexually abused by a close neighbour. When I eventually told my mum we went to the police and made a report. Nothing else was done because times and dates weren’t remembered. It also came to light that his niece had also made a report against him for sexual abuse. He never went to court or charged with anything, only reports on his record. My mum and Aunty were also abused by one of their close neighbours. My Aunty was effected by it so badly that she committed suicide and my mum still suffers the effects even after 40 odd years.
That is so tragic! Every actual man should be aware that there are some vile, rabid animals with no manhood among his gender who harm females, and actual men should be proactively supportive of females. Because an actual man would have the intellect and manhood to comprehend that females need to be protected from the unhinged animals of their male gender. That police officer must have been a sex offender himself for not putting that sick perpetrator in prison for what he had done. Not a shred of manhood in that deranged officer.
Load More Replies... Almost every woman/girl I've had a relationship with has had at least one story of being harassed or sexually assaulted. I'm more surprised when I meet a woman who hasn't experienced something like this, and I suspect they most likely eventually will. It's disgusting and sad.
They have, they just didn't weren't raised to recognize it as such.
Load More Replies... I was trafficked at 15.5 years old. No one looked for me . When I got away got back home and tried to tell people I was attacked at school , at home all anywhere I went was called prostitute, dirty whore was hit . Dated men who abused me , used drugs to numb myself ended up being a.junky loser because I no longer cared or wanted to live. Many years later I found my way, the right way it took me so long I lost my entire life to it all. I struggle day to day with loving myself enough to make it another day. I am sober now for years. I'm just now living a normal life .. I'll be forty soon. And have layered disease with no cure and no access to medicine. I have few years left. At times I feel robbed
I am so sorry. You did not deserve that. I wish you healing.
Load More Replies... Um, screw the slag who tried to invalidate your experiences bc you weren't raped so you shouldn't b***h about it. The #metoo moments in your life were valid and you had to deal with them on a personal level. I'm glad you got to speak up, these things that happened to you should be said and not minimized bc it wasn't as bad as rape. Being groped, mocked, and pressured to do something you didn't want to do are all things that shouldn't happen to anybody but they happened to you bc you're female and that's the whole point of the #metoo movement!
Load More Replies... It's weird because these have happened to me but I didn't realize how pervasive the culture is until the last few years now that people are talking about it. I quit one of my first jobs as a teenager because a couple of the men were constantly sexually harassing me. I didn't know how to cope. I've been followed and harassed often, especially when younger. I was catcalled a few weeks ago an I'm in my 50's (I'm small and he was far away, probably couldn't see the wrinkles). I thought all this was my fault. Makes me ill.
As a human and a respectful male, this post is sad to read. It makes me angry when people share their hurt and anguish and idiots down vote them. It's sad that some women can't make eye contact when they walk bye, they just look at their feet. Is this years of fearing male attention? A few weeks ago, i drove along a dark country road, i see a woman walking alone in the dark, i can't stop to ask if she wants a lift, because it would scare her, so i drive by without slowing. As a man you can't even stop to help a lost child, Maybe this is different in your country?
I live in American and where I'm from (at least the women that I talk to) live in fear of this. I will not take a walk late at night, not for fear of getting robbed, but fear of getting raped. And yes, if I male says hi to me, I will not speak, because I am fearful of what may happen to me if I "entertain" him with a smile or the time of day. I would rather pretend you don't exist and keep on walking no matter how attractive you are. If I guy offers me a ride, I'm running. I carry multiple weapons on me and I think about an escape plan every time I am by myself. It makes me uncomfortable in my skin.
Load More Replies... One of the additional reasons I think this goes under reported and allowed to propagate is that there is a mentally that: "You will only get harassed if you're conventially cute, pretty or beautiful" - I was abused/attacked by at least half of my past relationships... and the response was pretty much a resounding "You HAVE a boyfriend, why are you complaining?"... or... when a family-friend would 'tickle' me in VERY inappropriate places as a child, my parents would say "He's being FRIENDLY. You're ugly, so maybe you should appreciate the attention" - or they straight up don't believe you because they don't think anyone would go NEAR a potato like me. That's just as much of an issue. Drill it in. It's not about attraction. It's about POWER and DOMINANCE.
"You HAVE a boyfriend, why are you complaining?" Did these sort of comments come from just your family or everyone you know?
Load More Replies... For f***s sake people focus on the point of the post: raising awareness for how common sexual harassment, groping, etc is for women and educating possible perpetrators of it so it f****n stops! Too much of this "well what about thiiiisss????" Go make a post about that if you want JFC
I was first harassed at 14 - a man filmed up my skirt. It flipped a switch in my mind and after that everything seemed a little less sunshine and rainbows, and more hostile and frankly disgusting. Now an event like that is always in the back of my mind when I go out. Is this common? Did anyone else have a 'switch' event?
I'm 50 and I was verbally harassed by a stranger just last week. That c**p has been going on since I was 8 (and I'd rather not think about all the rest). At least the last time a strange man outright tried to grab me was 10 years ago; some guy on a train who was on a power trip, I guess. I was standing and holding a pole when he abruptly grabbed my arm, said he wanted to get to know me and what was my name. When I jerked my arm from his grasp and said I wasn't interested, he swore at me a blue streak, and I had to get off the train at the next stop (of course it wasn't my stop). No one else in the car said a word. I'm grateful that he didn't hit me, or follow me, or worse—and ISN'T THAT MESSED UP!!?!?
Aaaand, of COURSE, there are lots of comments from offenden men. -_- Honestly,, will there ever be a time when men will not automatically think, that absolutely everything circles around them? Many men see women as objects and treat them as such. Not all men, certainly not the men in my family and vicinity, but the number is still legion. And they do it ALL THE TIME! So, of course, we end up with every woman under sexual assault at some time or other and many men not actively assaulting. Yet, still, this post is about the WOMEN. Not the men. Just stop making everything about you!
There is some serious incel retaliatory aggression happening in these comments! News flash: sexual aggression happens, from cat calling to rape and everything in between, whether it is violent enough to leave "evidence" or not. Rapists absolutely can - and do - lie on the stand in courts of law all the time. This is a post about awareness and community - for women who may have no other platform on which to be heard as well as for men and women who want to learn/lend support and encouragement. If you do not find yourself in any of those categories, I hate to break it to you, this is not for you. The cowardice of bashing and downvoting women and men sharing relatable, supportive and positive comments is contemptable and only serves to reinforce the point being made. Not ALL men take sexual liberties, just as not ALL men are creepy misogynists, but they are certainly out there and sadly in here as well! Thank you to the pandas who have the grace and courage to engage in a thoughtful and respectful way. To the rest of you sad individuals, maybe you should be taking notes and leave the downvoting alone.
I also once worked with a man who would comment on my work attire, saying I looked nice in my pants or whatever. Being young and naive I just brushed it off as compliments but now realize it was really sexual harassment, and reality wish I would've reported him.
I find it weird that men find it hard to believe that basically every woman has experienced harassment and most have experienced a certain level of assault. I dated a kind and respectful man who seemed to have trouble understanding how I could have been assaulted because I am "smart and strong willed and tall".
Two weeks ago I looked through this post and thought, "Gosh, this is just nasty! Though I am glad it's never happened to me before." and then the other weekend some friends and I were on a walk, just the three of us, and this guy did that... I don't know if you could call it catcalling, but that whistle thing that some people do when they find another attractive? I don't know what to call it but he rolled down his car window and did that at us. We are all 15, and it was the weirdest, most awkward thing.
I've been sexually abused several times, and now flinch any time somebody touches me. Even when family members say I'm attractive, all I feel like is some public property there for anyone to use. It's like I have no feelings and it's almost impossible to cry anymore. A song I discovered that really got to me is called "How to never stop being sad" and I cried for hours after hearing that. I have bad depression and worse anxiety, and seeing a therapist didnt help. My therapist quit her job two months after meeting me. Am I just a burden? Should I just kill myself? I just don't know what to do. I'm not financially stable, and I don't know my options. I called 18002738255, which is a suicide hotline. I hung up after about five seconds of sobbing while being on hold. It made me feel not even worth the time of a human being, so they made a robot for it.
That’s horrible. Just know us pandas love you and want you to feel happy and safe. Don’t give up on yourself. You are not a burden and you deserve a good life. (Also, try listening to the song “Angels and Airwaves” by Angel Haze. It saved my best friends life)
Load More Replies... 12 year old trans boy here. when I was 3 and closeted, my biological father would repeatedly rape me. this carried on until I was 5 years old and told my babysitter. he never served a day in prison,nor had to have parole. all I got was an "apology" that meant nothing. then when I was 11 and still in the closet,my stepparent groped me after making me smoke pot. I was completely out of it and still,at damn near 13, struggle with PTSD every day. eveny my best friend has a story. when she was 4, a man almost kidnapped her. the s**t women go through is shocking.
My husband was a very strong, powerful man (and also very kind). He got a type of cancer that ate away at his bones until they were so fragile, they would break spontaneously. It was the first time in his life he had ever been weak. If he wanted to go out for a walk or anything, he would have to think about his safety. He said, what would I do if someone just decided to attack me? It would mean his life. He said he had realized this is what it must be like to be a woman, to always have to be thinking about your safety and your surroundings and who is around you and what they might be capable of. He was really sad to realize how we live with that our whole lives.
Details are kind of hazy. I was 5 or 6 when I first got molested or whatever it’s called today(won’t go near a waterbed for the life of me). 13 when a co-renter was stealing my panties and saw him in the first time.. 13 when I ran away and end up in group home where I was actually sexually assaulted for the first time(BJ) 19 when I was actually raped woke up to a friend “finishing in me” when I was asleep. We were drinking but I made it clear very early on that that was a no go and my best friend was in the room when it happened. We were all asleep except him. Even when I woke up I just yelled at him. I was like wtf. I got a date rape drug when I was 25, thankfully made it unscathed other than extreme sickness for two days after. That is not including the many time people have said stupid cat calling stuff that I’ve ignored. The best out look I have on this is already mine were not brutal, I’ve made it pretty mentally intact.
Only thoughts are 1. I’ve made it mentally intact for the most part 2. I am ultrasensitive to children and making sure nothing ever happens to them it actually kind of sad because I kind of just wish I could be ignorant to the fact to pedofillia existence. What’s even sadder is my mate is a male and he too had something in his childhood which should not happen. It’s even harder on guys because it is not expected to happen while women it is a normal statistic.
Load More Replies... My Mother was raped over and over starting at 2 by her Grandfather. I have been raped more than once, when I was in high school. My disabled sister has been raped. I had a job where my boss sexually harassed me. It led to a severe drug problem because there was nothing I could do. I told my therapist about those, the first person I ever told. As I cried, he told me I was overreacting
It's the same when men tell you to smile, walking by saying "hey sweetie, show me a smile!". That makes me want to smile less. I had a man harassing me with his car window down the other day, trying to get me to talk to him. I ignored him and faced forward. When the light changed for me to walk in the cross walk, he stepped on the gas and cut me off in the walkway, laughing like he had won.
It's not just women who this is happening too. I'm 13 year old boy and a person at school grabbed me in a certain spot. They were kicked out of the school though.
The main things we MUST do is teach our children (1) to tell when it happens right away and (2) that they are not at fault in any way, that the shame belongs to the assailant. Hopefully we'll raise a generation of adults who understand this. Unfortunately this doesn't work so well if your molester is also your parent or guardian.
*raises hand* f**k these guys. ladies, i know a place where you can take great self defense classes. if the men assault us, we rabbit-punch them where it hurts. no more "nice girls". we. are. badass. women. treat us like we can punch your balls out. because we can. and if necessary...we absolutely will.
My experiences weren't much, but I was 12 and 14 when they happened. The first one, I was catcalled by 4 men in their 20´s three years ago. I was out for a walk and a red pickup truck pulled up next to me. They whistled, called out, and waved me over. I ran as fast as I could. Roughly 30 mins later I had continued my walk, and the same truck was driving a short distance behind me. They whistled, and then drove off laughing. I can still hear that laugh. The second time was with my first boyfriend. I was on my period and needed to get to my backpack to get a pad. He blocked me from getting to it, kicking it away or holding me back, until I kissed him. It was humiliating, and a week later, I heard that he was planning on having sex with me (I was and still am a virgin) and I broke up with him on the spot.
I can't believe we live in a world where we have to be thankful for ONLY being catcalled, because atleast they didn't rape me.
I was the baseball manager when I was a sophomore in high school and even on long trips I never took a nap because I didn't know what would happen if I was asleep. I have had delivery customers be overly friendly with me and sometimes I just wanted to run as fast as possible. I had a guy cyberstalk me when I was in college. I stopped online dating because all they wanted was sex.
a boy at school body shamed me bc he thot he was funny and i threatened to slap him silly
am I the only one who hasn't had any of this stuff happen to me? or am I just oblivious?
👋 A bunch of this I've never talked about with anyone besides "it's happened". I'm a transwoman and the first time was when an older female family member forced me to listen to them have phone sex when I was in the 2nd grade. That person later forced me to touch them when I was in the 4th grade. Got a toon of harrassment through out school for being seen as "gay" which included a lot of rape threats. Was assaulted after a friends birthday party and when he shoved his hand inside my pants and found I didn't have a vagina he tried to kill me. Been catcalled, groped, propositioned, harassed, and threatened with rape more time than I can count and now struggle with depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I love that "Me Too" is bringing sexual violence to the light and forcing us to confront what's actually happening. But as someone who has been victimized by a woman I've really frustrated by focus on male perpetrators and cis-female survivors. As a trans person I feel like I'm being ignored....
I first experienced this when I was about 12. No, I wasn't mature looking for my age, quite the opposite - I was a skinny flat chested kid who actually looked 12, maybe even younger. Now it's a relief to be over 60 and not have to put up with this any more.
I was sexually abused by ny cousin from 11to 15. I didnt tell anyone for years until i told one person and they said its prolly your clothes. And at 15 i had tochave an abortion bc my body couldnt handle a child. At twenty i was raped and beaten and had to have an abortion (sorry for this)
Never apologize for your personal experiences. They are yours. You survived them, and have the strength to talk about them in a public forum. This isn't politics, this is real life for a lot of us. You have NOTHING to apologize for!
Load More Replies... Besides catcalls, I remember a few incidents. The most recent one being a friend of mine, who knew I wasn't interested in him, groping my bottom more than once when we went to a festival together. I also remember something that happened to my friend and I when we were about 18. It was late afternoon but it was dark already, we were in a fairly crowded area, waiting at the bus stop. This old man stopped his bicycle right in front of us, I did the front of his coat, and started jerking off in full view. It was repulsive to say the least.
This stuff has happened to me many times whether I'm at school, on public transport or just walking down the street in my neighborhood. I am only 15. I am sick and tired of being afraid to walk out of my house and be seen in public without a guy friend next to me. I have to be extremely vigilant and careful at all times. There is nowhere outside of my house I can let my guard down.
As a young woman, who grew up in environment where it's common and normal to touch ladies, I mean unwanted touch...I have to say that not every man is a sexual predator. I'd say every third is idiot who thinks that catcalling is funny & every women all around is dying to be touched by him. Like half of men seem to think that "no" means "try again". I have to little daughters. My intention is to provide them with training in martial arts. Just for sure.
I know. It just takes one though to ruin your life.
Load More Replies... I feel this, it has happened to me by a boy I had a crush on. He didn't like me but took advantage of my crush. Needless to say, clothing stayed on, but it was still very inappropriate.
I assumed it was normal not to be. I never have been. Granted, I was extremely sheltered growing up and not allowed to be alone with any man. Including my own father and grandfather. Now I have s**t social skills and know my experience isn't normal. I know women who have been, even both of my sisters, but I can't relate and my sisters have never really talked about it with me because I didn't understand what it was like. I tried to understand, but I couldn't.
any time i read things like this, i both feel extremely sorry for those who have gone thru this, and i also question if this has happened to me, and i either don't remember or didn't realize at the time...i hope all y'all who have had to go through this are doing well. :']
Yes, a group of women can be an absolute nightmare to deal with. As a man, I've been groped more times than I can count, and not just a grab of the buttocks. The sort of things that would be considered, if it were done to a woman, full-on sexual assault!
Load More Replies... sexual harassment can happen to people of all genders and can also be initiated by people of any gender, just a little reminder :)
Yes it can. But these forums are important for women as well. I think we need them for men too though.
Load More Replies... Why do women go to authority figures like hr or college administrators...but not the police... This is a criminal matter...ladies if this is honestly happening then get the police involved
Why would we go straight to the police, when we know how badly the police have treated us, our friends, and our loved ones under similar circumstances? Abuse or rape trials are pure hell for the victim, not to mention the further abuse we stand to suffer from the abuser's supporters - who may well be members of our own family, or people who we thought were friends. When you've been spat on and threatened for reporting, had your family, friends and colleagues turn on you, had your property vandalised- just for reporting a horrible crime against you, then you learn that reporting to the police isn't as easy as all that. Then more than 90% of the time the offender either isn't charged or gets off scot free.
Load More Replies... Yes, that happens. And yes, it is suppressed. And yes, I believe we need to address it but you have to realize that these forums for women are important too.
Load More Replies... That’s not true. A dictionary does exist, and it defines both terms just fine. For decades, psychologists have acknowledged that harassment can vary in nature (physical, sexual, emotional, verbal harassment, or harassing people by staring at them— they are all various ways to harass and assault others). If you don’t like that, that’s your personal issue, but since actual experts in psychology do recognize the various types, then you should respect that. Only a lazy person would try to say something is ‘nothing’ because he wouldn’t want to bother to understand the fact that harassment and assault can and do vary in nature.
Load More Replies... How about instead of focusing on the sex or race of the victim we don't have victims anymore because behavior like this stops?!?
Load More Replies... My problem with commenters like you is that you assume that the articles are blaming all men, when in reality no such thing is said. There's no need to get so defensive if you haven't done anything wrong.
Load More Replies... Being assaulted starts the same way. We don't want to hear it.
Load More Replies... The culture that accepts groping and catcalls and treating women as though they were sub human or 'other' is where rapes happen. Plus you're severely under estimating the psychological effect of groping and catcalls.
Load More Replies... Oh no. It happens to everyone. Less, maybe, but some say you’re too fit no one will want you just be grateful
Load More Replies... Legal definition of assault in many jurisdictions does not require physical contact, and the legal definition of *battery* is when physical contact is involved. And that "accidental brush of shoulders" is sometimes a prelude to worse, so, yes, *people* feel freaked out by those things. Male or female. Peace.
Load More Replies... yeah, honey, we are not talking about 'he stared for too long'. We are talking about things like 'he pushed his hand into a 7 year old underwear' or 'he squished my a*s on the public transit' or 'he pushed a girl into a closet, put his hand on her mouth and raped her'. You haven't heard about these things until recently because people like you claim that victims are 'narcissistic bitches blowing s**t way out of line'. The police would not even try to investigate rape claims, people call victims names and some things (like rape by a husband) are not even considered a crime. Your ignorance is not a proof that something is not happening.
Load More Replies... saying something negative and being raped are very different things...
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