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Sorry, parents, but your sons and daughters have secrets. Whether they don't want to upset you or are sick and tired of the "same old lecture," they keep some things to themselves. It's normal. And it doesn't mean they hate you or anything. Plus, there's a good chance that eventually they will open up to you. Probably. If you're treating them right.

Because as Reddit user 1quid_nurgget found out when they asked, "What is the biggest secret you've kept from your parents?", children often get back at their moms and dads by simply keeping their lives away from them. Yes, there were a few innocent answers, but they were mostly exceptions. Continue scrolling and take a look for yourself.

#1

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents I told them that I was doing a extra on site learning course for uni in which I would be away for 31 days interstate. My husband sorted out the kids so he was fine.

I actually went to a residential rehab and got clean and sober. Didn’t tell them until I was released. They literally had no idea.

millypilly83 , Priscilla Du Preez Report

If you also are carrying big secrets with you, be careful. They hurt. Turns out, secrecy is associated with lower well-being, worse health, and less satisfying relationships. Researchers have been linking secrecy to increased anxiety, depression, symptoms of poor health, and even the more rapid progression of disease. The explanation for this is kinda intuitive: hiding secrets is hard work. You have to be careful with what you say and if people ask you about something related to the secret, you must not let it slip through. This requires evasion and/or deception, which can be really exhausting.

#2

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents I make more money than I let on. My parents have and will always be the "I take care of you all your life, time for you to pay it back" type of parent. Except there is no end to this "debt". So I hide money from them so they can't take advantage of me

Nagaisbae , Goumbik Report

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New research, however, suggests that the harm of secrets comes not from keeping it, but from having to live with it.

To better understand the harms of secrecy, scientists set out to understand what secrets people keep in the first place. They found that 97 percent of people have at least one secret at any given moment, and people have, on average, 13 secrets. A survey of more than 5,000 participants revealed that common secrets include preferences, desires, issues surrounding relationships and sex, cheating, infidelity and violations of others' trust.

The paper states that when a person confides a secret to a third party, it does not reduce how often they have to conceal the secret from others who are still kept in the dark. Rather, it reduces how often their mind ponders about the secret in irrelevant moments.

#3

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents That my sister is gay. She openly admits it to everyone, except for my family. She opened up to me, eventually but both my parents and older brother don't know about it. Since then we've become a lot closer than when we were kids.

vkuma , Kylli Kittus Report

Revealing a secret can feel cathartic and relieving. But mere catharsis may not be enough. When confiding a secret, the conversation that follows is what's really helpful. People report that when they share a secret with another person, they often receive emotional support, useful guidance, and helpful advice. These forms of support make them feel more confident and capable in coping with carrying the secret. So it's important to talk about what you're hiding. Even with the Internet. Anonymously. A single conversation can lead to a healthier mind.

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#4

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents My mom always wondered why i didn't have friends in high school and it is because we were broke and I knew she was struggling so i refused anytime people wanted to do things so I wouldn't ask for money then in my last year of high school I worked full time so I had no time to make friends

winenotbecauseofrum , Antor Paul Report

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Roman Hans
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This could be me talking. Another anecdote: in high school, one class had a three-day field trip to Mexico. I remember the first restaurant stop we had where the teacher said of course we’d have to pay for all of our food. I had maybe $2 in my pocket.

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#5

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents That I’m not going to finish my degree and I’ve paid off my student loans. My degree was pointless and I don’t do well in school due to my ADHD. My dad constantly asks when I’m going to finish and stop bartending...I just say soon. I hate disappointing them because my Dad gets very proud of my sister and I with our accomplishments...but truth be told, I’m quite content with the 60k I make bartending. My degree would've only pulled 35k starting.

absurdapple , thom masat Report

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Leo Domitrix
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Time to say, "Dad, I found my niche in bartending, and it means I have more money and less debt. That's a good thing." We're not all meant for college-degree-career-things.

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#6

I am transgender. I haven't told literally anyone I know. I live in the bible belt in the south, and my grandfather is the pastor and owner of a fairly large church. I don't have any plans on telling anyone or transitioning until I move from the town I'm living in right now.

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#7

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents My location for the past 25 years.

Metatron_Fallen , Thanos Pal Report

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are people in my family who haven't seen me in person for nearly 30 years, and I'm keeping it that way. Don't judge til you know why we hide. In my case, for my safety.

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#8

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents I met the guy my mom told me was my real father. We did a DNA test and there is a 0% chance. He even took me on a white water rafting trip with his wife and son. I’ve never told her.

the_nightcourt Report

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Lousha
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never liked the phrase "real parent" in this context. To my mind your REAL mother/father is the one who stuck with you and raised you and cleaned your bum when you were a baby. Biological parent is the one who contributed to your conception, but if that's all they did that doesn't make them an actual parent.

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#9

That I was molested as a kid and suicidal for years afterwards. They knew I had a nervous breakdown Freshman year of High School and was suicidal at 15, they didn't know I'd been messed up since I was 10.

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#10

They had no idea I left my job with the cable company to sell cars / write up oil changes for almost a year. I was emotionally burnt out from the bulls**t and couldn't take it anymore so I tried switching careers. Didn't really pan out, but it did get me away from that toxic s**thole of a company and allowed me to figure out what I actually wanted to do and go from there.

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#11

My parents are very staunch Muslims. They raised me strictly in Islam and they figure that I’m a good Muslim like the rest of my siblings. I love my parents and they are good people, but I don’t have the heart to tell them that I’ve never really believed in religion and it only got worse when I got older and went to college. I don’t know how to keep this façade any longer because whenever I’m home I have to act as Muslim as possible, and I know if I would want them in my life I would have to follow Islamic traditions that just aren’t for me.

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#12

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents When I was 12 I saw emails on my mom's iPod touch. The emails were very suggestive and were between my mother and another man. I never told my dad that I saw those emails. I wish I did, because it turned out that she was cheating on him.

This is the first time I've mentioned it to anyone. It feels good to get it off my chest.

stitchessnitches , StockSnap Report

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Megan Grey
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s really hard, but please know that it wasn’t your job or responsibility to tell her.

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#13

I want to be a dental surgeon, but my parents want me to go to school for a crackpot antivaxx "holistic" naturopathic doctor because they don't trust modern medicine. I'm afraid that if I tell them, They well refuse to pay for my college/dental school expenses, or worse, disowned.

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#14

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents They have a grandchild.

FBI_Agent_69 , Guillaume de Germain Report

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Leo Domitrix
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my dad were alive? I'd never even tell him if I had a pet snake.

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#15

They don't know how depressed I actually am.

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#16

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents My parents divorced when I was eight. My dad left, and I never saw much of him. Among other issues, he came out to my brother and I before they divorced. I never told my mother that he was gay. My father passed in 2011, my mother in 2017. I think she had an idea, but we never discussed it. He was born in 1945, before such a thing was accepted, and attempted at 'passing.'

Merkle85 , Ben White Report

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Iulia stratulat
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why wouldn’t you tell? I can imagine that this would be a release of pressure on the parent that got dumped if they knew that it wasn’t their fault and it was just biology.

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#17

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents That I'm a lesbian. And that that "friend" who I don't invite home anymore is actually my ex...

Somenerdyfag , Priscilla Du Preez Report

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Holly D
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its sad that people have to hide things like this from family or anybody

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#19

i just pay escorts to show as my 'girlfriend' so they would stop telling their friends to hook me up with their daughters.
every gathering they would show up meet everyone and always have to leave early.
i pay by hour.

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nanashi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

as an ace, I feel this. they don't WANT to understand why I would never date, so I had to go all the way to pretend and lie just to make them feel better.

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#20

This isn't too bad, but I never really want to have kids. Maybe one day that might change, but I haven't told my parents as they both seem so happy to think that one day they'll be grandparents and that I'll be a mother and we'll all be happy and - Mum? I already have enough stress.

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Lousha
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who did tell them about a million times for years: all you get for sharing is constant talks about how you'll change your mind eventually or you'll regret it bitterly when it's gonna be too late to have a kid.

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Nhaundar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its bullshit. Do what youre like to do. You can be happy without children. I dont want kids since Iam 13 iam 30 now and it still hasnt changed. I count the days when no doctor tells me iam to young to get my tubes tied. -_-

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. My mom said, "I don't need to be a grandma, do what you need to do," and taht was *before* we realized I couldn't hve kids anyway!

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Hannah Alexandra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is me. I turned 36 last week and it's been on my mind a lot lately. x

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Joanne Haywood
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since I was very young I have said that I will not have children. I simply do not want one of any and at very nearly 60 ... I think I’ve won in this argument.

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Kathrine Rux
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

im not having bio kids but there's a slim chance i might adopt in the future but im just happy my sisters having a kid so im not pressured to have one lmao

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Katerina Huskova
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your life, your choice. I have two kids. I love them to the Moon and back. But parenting is f*cking hard.

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Mimi777
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Totally understand! It’s not for everyone don’t let anyone try to pressure you into it. It’s your life. And it’s annoying when people say “oh you’ll change your mind one day!”

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Erin Shaw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Me too. I'm 37. They have one grandchild from my sister that they absolutely adore. But I see how my mom looks at me when I hold my cousins babies or friends babies. I do love those kiddos with all I have, but I'm quite content being Auntie. I love my auntie role, and honestly, just the thought of having kids exhaust me.

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Clever Dog
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

live your life for you. I am 43 and my wife and I dont want kids and now I have made that a certainty (snip) its nobodies business but ours.

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JensenDK
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my daughter says that she doesn't want kids, my first feeling is: 'did I do so bad as a mother, that you don't want anyone to live through that???' Then I remember that not everything is about me... Being a mum is everything to me. But as long as she discovers what is her 'everything', I'm happy.

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Gerry Higgins
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're not required to have curtain-climbers. Live YOUR life for you, not others.

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Ace Cole
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a woman doesn't require you to have a child. It's ridiculous that women are shamed for not having children or not wanting children.

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*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've told my parents about this and told them that I hate children/little kids/babies since I popped out the womb, but my dad, this bitch, still has the AUDACITY to say "well, I don't have to worry. You'll find the right person." BITCH??

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WiggleCat
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Been telling my all my relatives everytime they talk about this, that I don't want to date/marry/have children EVER. Like hell no , not even over my dead body. I've been saying this since I was 14 . I am 23 now. Still can't stand most children . Still don't want to ever have one myself. I'd rather swim with the worlds hungriest piranhas.

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Jo Choto
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The default setting should be that we don't have kids. I think we should have a really good reason to actually have kids. My mother is disappointed that she probably won't be a great-grandparent. I probably won't be a grandparent. I really don't care. It is more important to me that my child be happy and live their best life, not that I get something out of it.

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Jo PP87
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm afraid you'll just have to dodge these questions for a few years. Don't bring it up, they will start asking when you're the right age/steady relationship etc etc... Then I'm afraid you've just gotta ride it out till you're 36 lol

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jevais
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's your life not theirs. You must not feel bad because of what they think is"right". Do what you feel is best for you. Don't listen what others want or think you should do. Having children is a very personal matter and is nobody's business.

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Phillip Bainter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad told both my sister and that if we ever had children don't expect them to baby sit. We could not watch TV shows that had children in them.

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MarcAngelina Alcober
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3 years ago

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lara
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3 years ago

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Then don't have kids. People who don't want kids should not have them. Children are not a duty or a "have to" or a requirement. It takes a lot of love and dedication to life to have kids. There will be a time, though, when you realize you are totally alone and it will be too late, but you are right not to subject a child to your attitude.

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Remi Flynne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having children is no guarantee you won't be alone. Not all children love their parents (so many reasons for THAT!). They may move abroad and not be around and they may even (sorry) die. A fear of being alone would be a shitty reason to have a child anyway.

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#21

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents That I thought I have mental problems but I keep pushing it down and trying to fix it myself, because I think that people will think its for the attention and it makes me question myself but I try to be normal.

Roket200678 , Soon Report

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Martha Meyer
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just go see a therapist. That's a neutral person, who won't think it's attention seeking.

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#22

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents My mom has made derogatory comments about lesbian/bi women. I think that if I came out as bi she'd make it seem like she'd accept it, but deep down she wouldn't really. I don't think I'll ever be coming out fully.

MuchoMarsupial , Priscilla Du Preez Report

#23

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents I recorded Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz over my sister's high school graduation video.

It's been about 18 years, but I still feel bad.

sheldonowns , InspiredImages Report

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#24

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents I’ve read or written fan fiction since I was 16 years old. I have no idea what they thought I was laughing at on my laptop for the last ten years but I’m glad they didn’t know the truth. Some of it is preeeeetty explicit.

something-sensible , You X Ventures Report

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JuJu
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only my partner knows and a close friend. And I know people who have read my stuff.

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#25

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents I was a high functioning depressed alcoholic for my whole college life.

TimDuncanCanDunk , Matthias Ripp Report

#26

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents When I was at Walmart with my mom, and I stole 2 of those big cartons full of Pokemon Cards. Took the cards and stuffed them in my backpocket. I planned the whole robbery a week before. I was the best robber at 9.

j-benz , Kichigai Mentat Report

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I'm lay sheep in China
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once me,my mum and Grandma was in a shop and they're selecting Jewelry for themselves while I was holding a Headpiece. It was quite expensive and that exactly moment Electricity goes off. We're wait for few minutes before Electricity came after shopping on the way to our house my mommy Was mad at me for returning that Headpiece to Shop staff anyway Guys don't let your kids teach to steal anything ;)

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#27

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents I actually DID know why my laptop wasn't working. I spilt a fair bit of Jack Daniel's on it.

dramaticeffect_ , Justin Baeder Report

#28

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents My mum doesn't know I've been arrested twice, one time with my dad.

BarryShitpeas22 , Elvert Barnes Report

#29

30 Huge Secrets Grown-Up Kids Are Keeping From Their Parents I have an eating disorder. I’ve had one since I was 11, and I even went to the hospital for it. They still don’t know.

Vale_M10 , melohel Report

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Jo Morris
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you were 11 (a child) your parents/family don't know why you went to hospital?

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#30

I know that my mom’s cheating on my dad. He doesn’t know it’s happening (to my knowledge) and she doesn’t know that I know.

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