Man Wants To Participate In Secret Santa But Doesn’t Want To Receive A Gift, Irks The Organizer

Christmastime is approaching, and so is the Secret Santa draw for many office employees. Some people can’t wait to get into the giving mood; others, not so much. According to one 2021 survey, 79% of Americans dread taking part in their workplace Secret Santa exchange.

One employee wasn’t a fan either, and he came up with a solution: he would buy a gift for someone but didn’t want to be in the recipient pool. However, the coworker organizing the event disagreed and refused to bend the rules. Read on to find out how the office solved this Secret Santa drama.

Two coworkers clashed over one’s participation in the office Secret Santa gift exchange

Man wearing Santa hat looking frustrated, representing secret Santa organizer enforcing gift participation rules.

Image credits: NaturesCharm/Envato (not the actual photo)

He didn’t want to receive a gift himself, but his colleague then banned him from the exchange altogether

Text excerpt about hosting a Secret Santa at work and managing participant sign-ups for the gift exchange.

Text excerpt discussing a coworker causing difficulty at a Secret Santa organizer’s event for gift participation.

Text excerpt about Secret Santa participation rules, explaining gift exchange requirement for coworkers.

Text excerpt about a Secret Santa organizer refusing coworker participation if they don’t want to receive a gift.

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Text of a coworker suggesting allowing Trey to give a Secret Santa gift randomly so he won’t have to receive one.

Man explaining Secret Santa organizer rules to coworker in an office setting during a discussion about gift participation.

Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection/Freepik (not the actual photo)

Text message expressing frustration about a Secret Santa organizer refusing coworker participation without gift acceptance.

Alt text: Person discussing Secret Santa organizer rules about participation and gift exchange fairness in a workplace setting

Image credits: Puzzled_Good_1378

Many workers hate Secret Santa and would like to see it banned

Image credits: cookie_studio/Freepik (not the actual photo)

As a person who loves giving and receiving gifts, my first thought would be: “Who wouldn’t want to get something?” However, when it comes to workplace gift exchanges, many workers are getting fed up.

Some have similar reasoning to what “Trey” does in this story: minimalism is a popular philosophy at the moment, and people want less clutter in their homes. But others don’t like how they or their office gifts are often perceived. In fact, many modern employees dislike Secret Santa because it might make them look ungenerous.

In 2019, 17% of Millennial workers said they had been called stingy in relation to their gift. Because of this shaming, many think that the Secret Santa tradition should be abolished altogether. 20% of employees would prefer if gift exchanges at work weren’t a thing, and 35% would like it if their workplace banned Secret Santa.

Why don’t people like Secret Santa? Well, most either don’t know what to gift or think that the exchanged gifts are a waste of space and a waste of money. In the same 2021 study we cited earlier, people’s attitudes toward Secret Santa gifts were clear: 79% of the respondents said they never know what to get the exchange-ee.

What’s more, 87% re-gift the same thing they got at last year’s Secret Santa. The least appreciated gifts among the respondents were bars of soap, knockoff Chia Pets, and random vegetables.

Some people also hate Secret Santa because of the money aspect. On average, a Secret Santa spends $85 on their gift. A portion of Millennial people in the workforce (26%) have even admitted that they had to dip into their savings to afford their exchange gift.

Participation in Secret Santa is an employee’s choice and should be respected

Image credits: freepic.diller/Freepik (not the actual photo)

There’s nothing inherently wrong with not wanting to participate in your office’s Secret Santa exchange. As the expert from Cube HR explains, if an employee doesn’t want to participate in an office gift exchange, there’s nothing an employer can do about it.

However, they do advise having a conversation with that employee and asking them what the bigger issue at hand is. Their reasoning might be more serious than just a simple “I don’t like it.” Perhaps they’re experiencing financial hardship. Others might want to skip the exchange because of cultural or religious reasons.

In more serious cases, an employee might be experiencing bullying from colleagues. The gift might perpetuate that bullying, causing them even more discomfort. “Ultimately, it’s the employee’s choice, and if they decide they don’t want to participate, then that should be respected,” Cube HR’s specialist reiterates.

And some workplaces and people might have learned that lesson. Even in 2022, a consumer survey showed that people are prioritizing gifts for their loved ones. Presents for coworkers and Secret Santa parties were probably less popular than ever, with 49% of Americans planning to skip Secret Santa at their job completely, while only 22% did so in 2023.

Commenters suggested “Trey” ask for donations to a good cause instead of an unwanted gift

Conversation about secret Santa organizer enforcing participation rules if coworker declines receiving a gift.

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Screenshot of an online discussion about a Secret Santa organizer and coworker gift participation rules.

Comment thread discussing Secret Santa organizer refusing coworker participation if he won’t accept gifts, suggesting charity donation instead.

Reddit user discussing rules and spirit of giving in Secret Santa organizer not allowing coworker participation without gift receipt.

Text discussing Secret Santa organizer rules about coworker gift participation and challenges with gift exchanges.

Text discussing Secret Santa organizer rules about coworker participation and gift exchange preferences in a workplace chat.

Text discussing a coworker's dislike of receiving gifts in a Secret Santa event organized by the team.

Comment discussing Secret Santa organizer's refusal to let coworker join if he doesn't want to receive a gift.

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Some people understood where “Trey” was coming from, while others thought both colleagues were just overcomplicating the whole thing

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a donation idea for a shared kitchen related to a Secret Santa organizer issue at work.

Reddit post describing a Secret Santa event with toy gift matching and a Christmas toy drive at work.

Alt text: Online comment discussing challenges of organizing Secret Santa at work and manager’s role in gift participation rules.

Comment about Secret Santa organizer being controlling, refusing coworker’s participation without gift acceptance in online discussion.

Comment on a forum, black text on white background, discussing difficulties with a Secret Santa organizer's rule for coworker participation.

Comment discussing coworker’s choice to give gifts but not receive in Secret Santa organizer rules.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing problem-solving skills related to Secret Santa organizer rules for gift participation.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a Secret Santa organizer’s rules on gift participation for coworkers.

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Comment on Secret Santa organizer’s rule about coworker only joining if open to receiving a gift or charity donation option.

Reddit comment about Secret Santa organizer refusing coworker’s participation if they don’t want to receive a gift.

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Comment discussing secret Santa organizer excluding coworker from participating if he doesn’t want to receive a gift.

Comment text on a white background discussing Secret Santa organizer rules about participation and gift receipt.

Comment expressing relief about never having a job with a Secret Santa organizer or coworker gift exchange.

Comment suggesting charity donation as a gift to solve Secret Santa organizer’s participation and budget concerns.

Reddit user suggests alternative gift ideas for Secret Santa when a coworker doesn’t want to receive a gift or participate.

Some even blamed the author for being too controlling: “Let it go”

Screenshot of an online comment discussing a Secret Santa organizer’s rules about coworker participation and gift receiving.

Secret Santa organizer enforcing participation rules for coworkers who don’t want to receive gifts in office exchange.

Comment discussing secret Santa organizer rules and options if a coworker refuses to receive a gift in a workplace setting.

Screenshot of an online forum discussing Secret Santa organizer rules on coworker participation and gift receiving preferences.

Reddit comment advising on managing Secret Santa organizer refusal to let coworker join without gift acceptance.

Comment suggesting an alternative for Secret Santa organizer to avoid forcing a coworker who doesn’t want to receive a gift.

Comment about Secret Santa organizer not allowing coworker to participate unless receiving a gift, shared on a forum.

Comment discussing Secret Santa organizer refusing coworker participation if unwilling to receive a gift, suggesting flexible alternatives.

In the end, “Trey” was allowed to participate: “I have asked him to handle the logistics of his gift”

Text update about a Secret Santa organizer resolving issues and allowing a coworker to participate in gift logistics.

Text showing a discussion about Secret Santa organizer rules, emphasizing participation and gift exchange requirements.

Text response about the Secret Santa organizer refusing coworker participation if they don’t want to receive a gift.

Hand holding pink gift box with yellow ribbon near laptop and Christmas decorations for Secret Santa organizer event.

Image credits: MorphoBio/Envato (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt showing a Secret Santa organizer explaining reluctance to set up the event amid coworker pressure and work issues.

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Text about company shutting down on December 31st and valuing friendships and work relationships. Secret Santa organizer policy.

Text message about bonding experience and final gathering, related to secret Santa organizer and coworker gift participation.

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