Mom Shares Her Method Of Taking Her Kid Out Of An Uncomfortable Situation As Discreetly As Possible, And Many Find It Helpful
It’s a difficult business being a parent. Ask any mom or dad to one of these munchkins, and they’ll tell you about the zillion things they worry about daily. Whether it’s their health, happiness, or safety, many fears only get worse as the kids grow older. But instead of freaking out and feeling anxious about how to protect the little ones from potential dangers, some families come up with code words that give children a way out of scary situations.
But as one story on the ‘Made Me Smile’ subreddit proves, a simple emoji can suffice. Two days ago, Redditor Limitless_yt89 shared a screenshot where a mom reveals a secret code for “I want to come home, but I want it to be your fault.” Whenever she receives a random emoji from her teen son, a siren immediately goes off in her head, letting her know the little one is in trouble.
The mother knew she has to get in the car and be on her way to get him, no questions asked and no explanation needed. The story immediately resonated with other community members who wasted no time chiming in with their experiences and applause. Scroll down to find out how the whole story unfolded, and if you have any go-to emojis and phrases your kids can use to discreetly ask for help, we’d love to hear all about them below in the comments.
A mom shared a story about how her teen son uses a secret emoji code to let her know he needs help to get out of an uncomfortable situation
Image credits: Azureon2 (not the actual photo)
After reading the story, hundreds of Redditors came forward to applaud the idea, as well as chime in with their own similar experiences. On top of that, the original author of this story, user jtboe79, came across this screenshot as well and decided to clarify a few details in the comments. When one person asked what the man did to make her kid uncomfortable, the woman wrote, “He said the grandpa sat them all down and told them he loved them. Then he was hugging all of them and kissing the tops of their heads. He was talking about how he wouldn’t always be here and he just wanted them to know he was proud of them and how much he loves them all.”
The teen pointed out the grandpa wasn’t acting in a “creepy” way, and if it was his grandparents who would do this, it would have been completely fine. “But it felt wrong for someone he doesn’t know that well and he just wanted out,” she added. The next day the teen revealed he overreacted a bit, but the woman reassured her son he has every right to leave a friend’s house whenever something feels wrong.
After reading the post, Redditors applauded the teen’s move and chimed in with their own experiences
This story inspired many parents to have conversations with their kids about a go-to emoji, code, word, or phrase to help them feel safer in their everyday lives. In fact, it looks like this idea to help children safely identify who actually came there to pick them up and who is only bluffing has been around for quite some time. Moreover, this notion also helps to find a way out of problems they find themselves in because of peer pressure or other conflicts.
Bert Fulks, a writer and a father of three, came up with an “x plan” his family uses so that the children could signal they’re in need of being picked up. In a blog post, he explained that this simple yet effective tool is a lifeline his kids can use at any time. The idea came to Fulks after asking one question to a group of young people: “How many of you have found yourself in situations where things started happening that you weren’t comfortable with, but you stuck around, mainly because you felt like you didn’t have a way out?” As it turns out, every single one of them raised their hands.
“Let’s say that my youngest, Danny, gets dropped off at a party. If anything about the situation makes him uncomfortable, all he has to do is text the letter “X” to any of us (his mother, me, his older brother or sister),” Fulks wrote. Then, that family member will call Danny’s phone and create a plot for him to remove himself from the discomfiting situation. However, the writer explained that there’s one more aspect to consider. “Once he’s been extracted from the trenches, Danny knows that he can tell us as much or as little as he wants … but it’s completely up to him.”
Building trust and being open and honest with each other helps the parent-kid relationship flourish and creates ease in knowing that whenever your child gets into trouble, they won’t hesitate to ask for help. Do you agree with these suggestions, dear readers? Are there any helpful family words or safety methods you’ve heard of? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter, so be sure to share them with us in the comments.
And here are some reactions to the story from parents and grown-up kids
I would venture a guess that the grandpa may have had dementia or something similar. If you’ve not been around people with it, it may be a bit uncomfortable for some and you may not quite know how to process what’s going on. Also a secret code with your kids is an amazing idea!!
Could be dementia, but could be a lot of other things, or other things combined with dementia. We have a grandfatherly person up the street that I would not let my kids hang around. And, I will say they did not want to be around him.
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Backpacking on "WTF Grandpa?" he could've been telling war stories... thinking teen boys would be interested in the grizzly details. Hearing about the 30th child he [unalived] and then having to spend the night in the same house would be just a lil freaky.
I agree. However, if Grandpa was paying proper attention to his audience, he might have noticed some of the boys looking a little peaked and uncomfortable and stopped telling the gory details. If I was that kid, I would be pretty queasy long before the 30th child who was [unalived]. Boo on the Grandpa for thinking talking about [unaliving] children to children, particularly before bed, was a good idea. Boo to the friend's parents for not stopping the gory stories (accidental rhyme)
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If anyone was wondering about the grandpa: original poster u/jtboe79 said “I replied higher up, but I’ll reply to you too. He said the grandpa sat them all down and told them he loved them. Then he was hugging all of them and kissing the tops of their heads. He was talking about how he wouldn’t always be here and he just wanted them to know he was proud of them and how much he loves them all. He said it wasn’t in a “creepy” way, it wouldn’t have bothered him if one of his own grandparents had done exactly the same, but it felt wrong for someone he doesn’t know that well and he just wanted out.”
Thanks for the clarification. I can see how some kids would not feel comfortable with a friends parent or grandparent being so physically affectionate and saying how much he or she loves them (meaning non-relatives). Depending on the nature of the relationship (in a non-creepy way, of course) friends can have a surrogate grandchild bond with each others' grandparents and it's lovely. Not a universal experience and needs to be treated accordingly.
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In a similar vein, in my house, we have a safe word that sounds like a food dish. We use it in many ways. When play gets too rough saying "no" or "stop" can sound too playful, but if you're serious about wanting to stop, you say the safe word and everybody separates. It absolutely cannot be abused as a way to get an upper hand - it means it's over. Additionally, if anybody is in trouble and can't talk, we can ask if somebody is picking up the stuff for that meal or if we're going to have it on a particular day to express that something is wrong. It's not something we actually eat, so there's no confusion.
When my children were small, I would sing them the "home song". It was a song we made up in order for them to remember their names, address, telephone number, and parents' names, as singing helps create neuro-pathways in the developing minds of children. So even though they were 2 years old, they could sing the song without fail. We also had a code word that if anyone wanted to pick them up to "take them home" - and if they did not know this word, as ours was a word in another language - they knew to go to someone they trusted or to scream "fire". People don't respond well to "help", but will to someone shouting "fire". I raised my children in the '90's, but I hope that along with today's technological advancements and integration into modern society, this tip of mine would prove helpful to those who are raising the next generation of wonderful children.
I do something similar with my 23 old daughter, if she is in a situation she feels uncomfortable with I.e bad date, she will go to a bathroom, text me and then I will call her when she leaves the bathroom with a "family emergency".
When my kids started driving I told them, "If you get in an accident, what is most important to me is that you are OK. I won't get mad, and we can talk about what happened, but the first thing I'm going to ask is if you're OK."
We still do this. My son is 20. He just sends me an "X" and that's my cue to call and make him come home. It's gotten him out of some uncomfortable situations. We also agreed that I will never question him about WHY he wanted to leave. This went a long way to continue solidifying the trust in our relationship and knowing that I always have his back.
I do the same with my kids, I remember how awkward it was trying to get out of situations I just didn't feel comfortable saying I didn't want to be part of so it's much easier to make it my fault my kids need to get home than it is for them to speak up - they're never in trouble for it, it's never a big deal and I'm always grateful they can tell me when they don't feel right
My daughter and I used similar tactics for each other. She knew I'd pick her or her brother up ANY time, ANYwhere. After I divorced and was dating, if the date was going south, I'd discretely text her - GMOH(getmeouttahere). Then she'd call me with some made up emergency and I'd leave my date immediately.
Me and my mom decided on a simple “X”. I’ve never had to use it, thank god, but I could think of some times when before I got a phone it would’ve been helpful
I plan on making something like this with my friends bc as someone else commented, there are 2 types of parents "I'm in deep sh*t, parents will freak out" and "I'm in deep sh*t, better call them" and my parents are more of the first one most times. I know tho that all of my friends are the second and all of them are quite protective of me and vice versa. Also most of us know either how to fight/defend ourselves/others or have a small weapon like a pocket knife
This is an ever so slightly more elaborate version of the single X text. Great idea.
Long ago I knew a mother who passed on her mother's trick to her teenage daughters. When presented with a tricky peer pressure situation - e.g. friends want her to go on a risky weekend trip she doesn't actually want to do, but doesn't want to chicken out on, she phones her mother, and asks "mother, may I.....etc." Since she is "mom" all the rest of the time, it's the cue for mother to refuse permission.
We didn't have cell phones when I was a kid but my mom and I would come up with a password everyday. If anyone other than family (that I liked) showed up to pick me up from school, they needed to know the secret nickname my mom called me and the password. I'll never have kids but I definitely agree that it's important for them to have a way to communicate without spelling it out when they need help.
I didn't have a "secret code" with my parents, but if I ever didn't want to do something I could tell the person mom said no (even while on the phone after she actually said yes) and I'd be out of it. She was the one that taught me to do it too. We're both have asd and are introverts so we often need a reason to say no without hurting feelings.
We do the same with our daughter. I can't say she tells us every little thing but she tells us all of the stuff that matters because we have always had her back.
Read it all the way through. Grandpa said he was proud of and loved them all, then kissed the tops of their heads. So nothing too creepy, but a little weird.
My kids would use me to turn down invites, complete with me yelling "no you can't go!" And them going "aw gee my Mom won't let me" and thanking me later.
I told my kids to use me as an excuse if they ever needed to. Even with their dad. They didn't want to go somewhere with him when it wasn't his day, I'd say, go if you want to and tell him I said no if you don't. They had plans sometime and they wanted to chill sometimes.
I would venture a guess that the grandpa may have had dementia or something similar. If you’ve not been around people with it, it may be a bit uncomfortable for some and you may not quite know how to process what’s going on. Also a secret code with your kids is an amazing idea!!
Could be dementia, but could be a lot of other things, or other things combined with dementia. We have a grandfatherly person up the street that I would not let my kids hang around. And, I will say they did not want to be around him.
Load More Replies... Backpacking on "WTF Grandpa?" he could've been telling war stories... thinking teen boys would be interested in the grizzly details. Hearing about the 30th child he [unalived] and then having to spend the night in the same house would be just a lil freaky.
I agree. However, if Grandpa was paying proper attention to his audience, he might have noticed some of the boys looking a little peaked and uncomfortable and stopped telling the gory details. If I was that kid, I would be pretty queasy long before the 30th child who was [unalived]. Boo on the Grandpa for thinking talking about [unaliving] children to children, particularly before bed, was a good idea. Boo to the friend's parents for not stopping the gory stories (accidental rhyme)
Load More Replies... If anyone was wondering about the grandpa: original poster u/jtboe79 said “I replied higher up, but I’ll reply to you too. He said the grandpa sat them all down and told them he loved them. Then he was hugging all of them and kissing the tops of their heads. He was talking about how he wouldn’t always be here and he just wanted them to know he was proud of them and how much he loves them all. He said it wasn’t in a “creepy” way, it wouldn’t have bothered him if one of his own grandparents had done exactly the same, but it felt wrong for someone he doesn’t know that well and he just wanted out.”
Thanks for the clarification. I can see how some kids would not feel comfortable with a friends parent or grandparent being so physically affectionate and saying how much he or she loves them (meaning non-relatives). Depending on the nature of the relationship (in a non-creepy way, of course) friends can have a surrogate grandchild bond with each others' grandparents and it's lovely. Not a universal experience and needs to be treated accordingly.
Load More Replies... In a similar vein, in my house, we have a safe word that sounds like a food dish. We use it in many ways. When play gets too rough saying "no" or "stop" can sound too playful, but if you're serious about wanting to stop, you say the safe word and everybody separates. It absolutely cannot be abused as a way to get an upper hand - it means it's over. Additionally, if anybody is in trouble and can't talk, we can ask if somebody is picking up the stuff for that meal or if we're going to have it on a particular day to express that something is wrong. It's not something we actually eat, so there's no confusion.
When my children were small, I would sing them the "home song". It was a song we made up in order for them to remember their names, address, telephone number, and parents' names, as singing helps create neuro-pathways in the developing minds of children. So even though they were 2 years old, they could sing the song without fail. We also had a code word that if anyone wanted to pick them up to "take them home" - and if they did not know this word, as ours was a word in another language - they knew to go to someone they trusted or to scream "fire". People don't respond well to "help", but will to someone shouting "fire". I raised my children in the '90's, but I hope that along with today's technological advancements and integration into modern society, this tip of mine would prove helpful to those who are raising the next generation of wonderful children.
I do something similar with my 23 old daughter, if she is in a situation she feels uncomfortable with I.e bad date, she will go to a bathroom, text me and then I will call her when she leaves the bathroom with a "family emergency".
When my kids started driving I told them, "If you get in an accident, what is most important to me is that you are OK. I won't get mad, and we can talk about what happened, but the first thing I'm going to ask is if you're OK."
We still do this. My son is 20. He just sends me an "X" and that's my cue to call and make him come home. It's gotten him out of some uncomfortable situations. We also agreed that I will never question him about WHY he wanted to leave. This went a long way to continue solidifying the trust in our relationship and knowing that I always have his back.
I do the same with my kids, I remember how awkward it was trying to get out of situations I just didn't feel comfortable saying I didn't want to be part of so it's much easier to make it my fault my kids need to get home than it is for them to speak up - they're never in trouble for it, it's never a big deal and I'm always grateful they can tell me when they don't feel right
My daughter and I used similar tactics for each other. She knew I'd pick her or her brother up ANY time, ANYwhere. After I divorced and was dating, if the date was going south, I'd discretely text her - GMOH(getmeouttahere). Then she'd call me with some made up emergency and I'd leave my date immediately.
Me and my mom decided on a simple “X”. I’ve never had to use it, thank god, but I could think of some times when before I got a phone it would’ve been helpful
I plan on making something like this with my friends bc as someone else commented, there are 2 types of parents "I'm in deep sh*t, parents will freak out" and "I'm in deep sh*t, better call them" and my parents are more of the first one most times. I know tho that all of my friends are the second and all of them are quite protective of me and vice versa. Also most of us know either how to fight/defend ourselves/others or have a small weapon like a pocket knife
This is an ever so slightly more elaborate version of the single X text. Great idea.
Long ago I knew a mother who passed on her mother's trick to her teenage daughters. When presented with a tricky peer pressure situation - e.g. friends want her to go on a risky weekend trip she doesn't actually want to do, but doesn't want to chicken out on, she phones her mother, and asks "mother, may I.....etc." Since she is "mom" all the rest of the time, it's the cue for mother to refuse permission.
We didn't have cell phones when I was a kid but my mom and I would come up with a password everyday. If anyone other than family (that I liked) showed up to pick me up from school, they needed to know the secret nickname my mom called me and the password. I'll never have kids but I definitely agree that it's important for them to have a way to communicate without spelling it out when they need help.
I didn't have a "secret code" with my parents, but if I ever didn't want to do something I could tell the person mom said no (even while on the phone after she actually said yes) and I'd be out of it. She was the one that taught me to do it too. We're both have asd and are introverts so we often need a reason to say no without hurting feelings.
We do the same with our daughter. I can't say she tells us every little thing but she tells us all of the stuff that matters because we have always had her back.
Read it all the way through. Grandpa said he was proud of and loved them all, then kissed the tops of their heads. So nothing too creepy, but a little weird.
My kids would use me to turn down invites, complete with me yelling "no you can't go!" And them going "aw gee my Mom won't let me" and thanking me later.
I told my kids to use me as an excuse if they ever needed to. Even with their dad. They didn't want to go somewhere with him when it wasn't his day, I'd say, go if you want to and tell him I said no if you don't. They had plans sometime and they wanted to chill sometimes.
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