“AITA For Screaming At My Husband And Forcing My Son To Pay For His Boyfriend’s Medical Bills Out Of His College Fund?”
One of the greatest painters once said, “Learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist” – the thing is, nobody likes abiding to rules, and that’s a well-known fact.
It doesn’t matter if it’s your beloved mother telling you to finish all your food before heading off to play with your best mates or the strict boss that asks you to run yet another seemingly unnecessary errand that he could’ve handled himself – chances are, you’re overstepping your ego just to keep all the parties satisfied.
But why is that? Maybe it’s a constant thirst for freedom or a simple hatred towards compliance – whatever it is, there’re a couple of exceptions:
We all know that following the rules and doing the right thing aren’t necessarily the same things, but when you’re a teenager whose raging hormones are constantly provoking you to engage in a risk-taking activity, you’re bound to learn your lesson sooner or later.
More info: Reddit
Many teens want more freedom than they can actually handle, meaning that they can be quite impulsive
Image source: Craig Howell (not the actual photo)
“AITA for screaming at my husband and forcing my son to pay for his boyfriend’s medical bills out of his college fund?” – this mother turned to one of Reddit’s favorite communities wondering whether she’s a jerk for making her son sponsor his boyfriend’s medical expenses following a motorcycle crash. The post has managed to receive nearly 15K upvotes and 2.5K comments discussing the situation.
Woman forces son to pay for his boyfriend’s medical bills after they got into a motorcycle accident
Image source: Low_Ice8875
The woman began her post by revealing that her husband sneakily got their oldest son a motorcycle for his 16th birthday. It turned out to be a last-minute gift that she knew nothing about, so since she couldn’t really do anything, the mother decided to lay out a couple of strict rules: the teen was told to drive within a speed limit and only while accompanied by his father, and he was banned from having passengers.
Husband goes behind wife’s back and gifts their son a motorcycle for his 16th birthday
The woman set some strict rules – however, not long after, she received a call from the hospital saying that there was a crash
Image source: Low_Ice8875
The author and her spouse are currently separated, and the man is staying in a nearby apartment until they figure out their relationship, so the 16-year-old consequently goes from house to house every single week.
Recently, when “Bryan” was staying with his dad, the OP got a call from the hospital saying that he and his boyfriend had been in a motorcycle accident.
Naturally, the mother rushed to the hospital, where she found her son with a gash on his forehead, some cuts, bruises, and a concussion. She wondered what happened, yet he wouldn’t look at her before finally giving in and admitting that they wrecked his motorcycle when he was street racing some guy while taking “Clark” home.
Turns out that the couple decided to race some guy, which left them with injuries
Image source: Low_Ice8875
The author was furious; she asked the teen to explain why he was out there riding on his own, let alone with a passenger. The 16-year-old was full of emotions, he apologized and said that he just wanted to know if “Clark” was doing alright.
When the woman went to check up on her son’s boyfriend, she was told that he had broken a few ribs, his leg, and two of his fingers – however, she did say that she would cover his medical expenses, which managed to calm his folks down a little.
Later on, the OP’s husband showed up. The woman didn’t waste a second and went off on him right in the middle of the hospital for being an irresponsible parent, claiming that this was the reason why they were separated.
The OP told her son that he would be responsible for sponsoring his partner’s medical expenses
Image source: Low_Ice8875
Image source: Dennis van Zuijlekom (not the actual photo)
When she went back to speak to her son, she told him that he’d be paying for his boyfriend’s medical bills out of his college fund and his savings. The decision sparked some outrage, resulting in her husband and his family calling her a jerk for taking college away from “Bryan” because of a mistake.
What do you think about it? Was it a fair decision or would you have handled things differently?
Fellow Reddit users shared their thoughts on this approach
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NTA, this is a mom taking responsibility of her son and handling a situation she wasn't onboard with in the first place and not directly involved with. Someone has to be the responsible parent. Another thing, college funds are luxuries, privileges. Not every kid has a family that has the means to set one up. There's always other ways to pay for college. Go abroad to a cheaper college somewhere else in the world, work, grants, scholarships. I don't recommend student loans but it is an option if all else fails. College isn't even the be all, end all thing to do anymore. There are apprenticeship programs, too. Some careers don't require anything but proven skills and introductory experience through High School.
Sell the bike. The college fund probably won't cover the medical bills, anyway.
Bikes may not be in a condition to net enough money to cover the medical bills
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Terrible situation all around. I'd rather see Dad pay Clark's hospital bills, not the kid. The kid is 16 and his frontal lobe is still growing in, but Dad should have known better. I suspect the son learned his lesson as soon as he realized his boyfriend was really hurt. This is the kind of thing that tends to happen in my home country, unfortunately, because college and healthcare costs are both sky-high.
Wrong. let's stop this "kids will be kids" ignorant mindset. The mother laid down rules for a reason, and even with the mistake, it's never too young to learn how to grow tf up. He thought he was old enough to street race and have passengers, he's old enough to take the financial responsibility.
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They should sue the father AND son. He's 16 so even in a state that only allows 5 years to collect a judgement, he'll be an adult soon and they can garnish his paychecks, property, bank accounts (college fund in his name?).
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since these people are currently separated and the dad thought his son was capable of being responsible then i would say that dad needs to pay the expense. he is the one that got the bike; got the license without mom's knowledge, and his son is a minor which makes a parent responsible. but, i would have the son make payments to reimburse the cost of the medical.
16 is old enough to drive, it's old enough to be responsible for anything that happens when you drive. No break for stupid 16 or 17 year olds...they are old enough to know better.
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Not only is she NTA here, but the kid's dad is a real piece of s**t. Motorcycles are inherently dangerous, and there is no way a 16 year old should be riding one. She stated time and again that she did not want her son on one, and the dad goes behind her back and buys him one anyway?
I honestly would sell the bike either way. He's clearly not remotely responsible enough for it. Motorcycles are so dangerous, it doesn't even have to be a mistake you make, just someone taking your right of way ... or just a screw lying on the road as was the case with a friend of mine that can kill you.
Making a 16 year old pay someone's medical bills is a bit much. 16 is too young to be crushed by debt. The father should be paying the medical bills, the bike should be sold (assuming it's not totalled) and that money can go towards the bills too. The 16 year old should lose the bike, permanently, and should not be allowed to drive a car until he's 18. He is clearly not to be trusted to operate a vehicle safely and responsibly, and doesn't follow the rules. Mom is NTA here. Dad's a AH. The kid is also an AH, because trying to street-race someone, especially with a passenger, is definately criminally irresponsible.
Read it again, he's not being crushed by debt. It's going to be taken out of his college fund, a luxury not every one has. You don't have to go to college to get a good job. BTW plumber make more than teachers and don't go to college. You could be an electrician with a vocational program, which also make more than college careers a lot of time. Or he can just go to a two year and work his way
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Okidoki - divorce, get custody, change your medical insurance, stand your ground on the payment, get I-just-want-the-fun-part-of-parenthood-ex-husband AND your son to pay and add surplus to the little idiots college fund, sell the bike and add THAT to the fund: when the dumbàss is eighteen (or possibly 20, depending on how quickly he learns to calculate risk and consequence) he can use that money to buy a bike THEN. Ok, perhaps a little extreme to make the kid pay the entire medical bill but no, absolutely NTA in my humble opinion. Although your husband is the biggest àsshole for getting your son into this situation. As mentioned before, teenagers are dumber than shìt, teenage is a time of believing you’re invincible and immortal. Your husband should have known better in so many ways about so many things. Too bad the OP will never read this, but what the heck.
He broke the rules .... The husband had absolutely no right not to communicate the "surprise" gift. He could have been killed which there goes college or he could have killed his boyfriend as so again there goes college. I'm agree with the mom and as far as taken college away, if he still wants to go there is nothing stopping him from that, other than himself. He may have to work a couple of jobs but singles parents mange 2 job and college. Welcome to the real world. Here is the even bigger question what if he had injured or worse killed someone that wasn't on the bike?
NTA. Major takeaway: Your HUSBAND TAUGHT YOUR SON TO IGNORE YOUR RULES. He TAUGHT your son that it was ok and cool to hide the purchase of the motorcycle knowing you didn't want your son to have one. He TAUGHT your son it was ok and cool to hide getting the license. He TAUGHT your son he could ignore you. No wonder he broke all the so-called rules you tried to set and copied his dad's stupid, cruel, disrespectful behavior. DAD needs to do whatever is necessary to make this right for son's bf and also needs to grow tf up and teach his son to respect OP. Doubt that will ever happen, ditch this giant a*s loser and get full custody when THE JUDGE explains to your children that they are not safe in their dad's custody. Physically or mentally as his influence clearly causes stupidity. And yes, make the son pay $$$ as well so it will have a big impact on that frontal lobe as it continues to form.
You win! Best response and insight. This is how misogyny happens; boys learn it from disrespectful fathers.
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MOM, "STAND your GROUND." YOU would be considered IRRESPONSIBLE IF you made the rules and NOW choose to break them simply because pressure is being placed on YOU by a man that didn't even have the Sense, Respect, or LOVE for YOU or his SON to consult with YOU before making such an important decision. WOW!! That speaks volumes about HIM. Don't YOU think so?? God only knows what story he's telling others behind your back. Forget them, too God forbid, l'd rather use the "college fund" to pay medical bills for the bf instead of a funeral service for my Son and his bf. College fund or not. Your Son and his bf are still here to attend college and safely enjoy life. Sell the motorcycle and pray that your son will NOW listen and follow the rules. A speedy recovery to everyone. 🙏
The one saying she should get Clark's parents to sue the husband. Legally, she doesn't even have to do that. She could sue him herself, letting the court know it's only so she can give the money to Clark's parents for the medical bills, and that she's hoping to teach her husband a lesson that he needs to be the one to pay for his actions. Pretty sure she'd win.
OP, NTA you are justified in your reaction. You seem to be the only parent here with any sense. Self the bike, make your husband and in laws pony up the money along with your brat son MUST pay from his college fund. Since he was disobedient he NEEDS to learn consequences of his rebellious actions. I hope you SEE what your husband is, a spineless coward, who blames you and denigrates you to his family. You are sensible an deserve better.
I wouldn't get involved at all and put all the pressure and responsibility on the father and kid. She didn't buy the bike for him, he did. The father can pay the boyfriends medical bills. If he can't, then tough. She should just tell the boys parents to communicate with the father only and sue him directly if he won't help out.
Her son is a minor and likely has no money or property of his own so if Clark's parents sue, they will name her as well as his father (they should include the son in the lawsuit as well). I'm guessing she's trying to settle this before she has a judgement against her on her credit for the next decade and her wages garnished/liens on her property/bank accounts frozen.
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The recklessness of what he did was what did it for me. He endangered himself, others on the road, and a minor. If he'd just broken the rules about not driving alone, I'd argue he's a licensed driver. But this kid f*****g street raced. His boyfriend's family does not deserve to pay the bills, and the natural consequence is for him to pay for his own mistakes. Due to how risky and dangerous his judgement call was, I would take away the motorcycle, and not give him a car any time soon either. He is not mature enough to drive safely. He can pay for the medical bills with the sale of the bike. Dad is an idiot for getting cheapest liability insurance, too. One criticism of mom is focusing on yelling at him for his mistake instead of showing concern for the well-being of him and his bf. Both parents need to grow up more.
Kid should be responsible to pay it. If the insurance doesn't cover it guess who is getting sued. You got it. Kid and his parents. Kid is old enough to be a father and charged as an adult, if he's old enough to drive anything but a lawnmower he is old enough to be responsible for his own stupid actions. Traffic court doesn't care about being 16 and stupid, commit the violation you are getting held responsible for it. He's better off in a trade school than college anyway...
Yup, the best answer here is sell the bike to cover the bills. Whatever is left comes out of his college fund, or daddy pays.
The husband was a moron and deserves to be dragged to the cleaners. NTA.
ESH. You didn’t want to be the bad guy? You’re not your kids friend. You’re a parent. You make the rules. I’d rather my kid be mad at me than being scraped up off the pavement like a pancake. You’re irresponsible son could have killed someone and should have not been driving a motorcycle. Put your big girl panties on and stop being afraid to be an actual mom.
I'm on the fence about this. Upon reading the title/lead in for the article, I was like "who the hell does this chick think she is trying to dip into a kid's college fund??" But I'm glad I read the story for context. I also thought the issue was he couldn't handle having another passenger on the back, as his mother feared when she ser the rules, but the REAL issue is he was DUMB enough to have a passenger on the back, AND street race??? on a BIKE?? IMO only cars should be used for "racing"! especially at that age! it's never too young for a little brat to grow up, so I'd say him paying for the medical bills out the college fund should suffice, but I feel bad he may not go to college later on lol. The mother has to think about that too. When the time for college comes and he doesn't have enough money, he will have to stay home and go to community College. She better choose wisely. I'm just wondering if those kids are still boyfriends tbh. Awkward!
NTA MAMA!!! NTA MAMA!!! NTA MAMA!!! It's a miracle their injuries weren't worse ESPECIALLY since they FLIPPED. THE. BIKE! Even with helmets and other protective gear on the fact that neither one broke their necks or backs is a very close brush with Life/Death that they escaped from by the grace of the skin on their teeth. This very reason is why new bikers are taught how lay down a bike with a passenger in tow and why they are never allowed to ride alone that young in biker families/MCs because the odds of them being in a fatal accident are higher because they are still learning how to control the machine underneath them while simultaneously learning to compensate for more traditional drivers on the road!
I'm not going to comment on the hospital bills, because that part of the issue seems to be grounded in the American health system, which is a hot mess.
I'm also not going to comment on the pros and cons of motorcycle ownership, because that is another divisive topic, and I'm also clearly biased in that regard.
What I AM going to comment on is the motorcycle picture featured somewhere in the thread (the pic which I have reposted).
That's the BMW K75, probably one of the most reliable and well-behaved motorcycles I have ever ridden. I was given one when a club member of mine emigrated and could not justify shipping his bike with him. Such a pleasure to ride. While it did not break any macho records involving torque or top speed, it handled like being on rails, and was, as a triple, extremly fuel efficient.
It was actually the bike which turned me from Japanese in general to BMW, after 40 years of riding. So, kudos to the K75.
Feel free to ignore this post :-) 2-43-63066...5c0fa3.jpg 
Sell the bike, definitely. Tell husband he can pay instead of using college funds, because he started all of this with no rules. Tell your son you could be donating his organs right now, if it had been worse. 16 year olds don't get mortality, but they will understand deprivation of things they want. Get rid of that bike, I hope it's totaled.
Who the hell buys their 16-y-o a motorcycle? I've known a lot of physicians and other medical professionals that call them "donor cycles" because of the number of resulting brain-death injuries. In many states, you can't even get a motorcycle license until after 18. Unfortunately, the mother probably can't sell the bike because it's probably registered under her husband's name since the child is a minor. This is a classic--and rather disgusting--example of trying to buy a child's favor during a separation.
My father, who had been riding motorcycles since he was 14, got into a bad accident in his 40s that eventually cost him a third of his leg. It was just a crazy, random accident. If an experienced rider can end up with years of medical problems from an accident in a parking lot, imagine how much worse a kid with no experience street racing could have been.
It's nice to live in a country, where the whole thing can't happen, because: 1. you are not allowed to drive a motorcycle until the age of 17. 2. You can't drive a fast motorcycle until you have your license for 5 years. 3. Insurance would cover the costs (as long as the insurance doesn't know about the racing part and even then the costs wouldn't exceed 10.000€.) 4. College fund? What's that?
4. It's probably a 529 account, it's what us amaericans use if we are in a good position financially to start saving for a kids college. If your poor you'll get grants up to a certain point, but not usually enough to finish 4 years of college. Of your middle class you need to pay for everything, but there's not enough money without a savings. If your parents are rich they'll just pay for 4 years
Load More Replies... NTA but you are surrounded by them! Do you know what I call people who own street bikes? Organ donors. That a father would buy one for a 16 year old is appalling!.(And then buy the cheapest insurance? His stupidity boggles the mind.) There is a very real possibility that your son will turn out just like him if he isnt taught some hard lessons fast. You are absolutely doing the right thing. And your husband.and his parents can help make up the college fund as best as they can if they are suddenly worried about your son's future. Because they werent when they bought him a MC. BTW 'b***h is code for a woman being a mature responsible adult who picks up the pieces when men insist on behaving like children. Wear that label proudly.
First glad they are both ok. Your husband and son should both cough up the money to cover the bills. Of course you are the bad guy because you make sense. They snuck around and didn't follow rules that were agreed upon, so it's only right that they take full responsibility for what happened. In laws need to cough up more than their two cents since they are so worried about something that doesn't involve them.
Actions...consequences. Your only mistake was going off in public, especially in a hospital. At least what you and your husband do about the marriage should be clear now. His reckless disregard for your feelings on giving son a motorcycle indicate his disrespect and deception. Yes, your son and husband should pay for whatever the insurance doesn't cover, son's half coming out of college fund. His behavior could have gotten people killed. Yes, he's 16, but that's old enough to understand rules; now he knows why they're put in place.
The kid will still go to college. A college fund is a flexible thing, dad can just funnel more money from his motorcycle fund into the college fund. Either way, it's Dad's fault he got a bike, so it's on Dad to pay these bills cuz I-told-you-so. The kid will go to college regardless because college loans exist, and not having money won't stop a kid from getting an education, not in America.
What hasn't been mentioned is what equipment he had. He should never have had a pillion, and both should have had full protective wear. We ride regularly in the UK, and wear helmet, protective clothing and gloves. Also, what cc was the bike? It's very strictly limited here for engine size for learners and younger people.
I think there is room for more than one lesson here. Don't take it from his college fund per se. Have him take it out like you would an emergency loan from a 401k or other retirement account. If I was suddenly responsible for medical bills I didn't have savings for that's how I would have to deal with it
I can understand how the dad may have been thinking, "We're separated now so she can't tell me what to do in my own house or with my own son." Of course, that's unbelievably childish and reckless of him. It's even worse that the dad took the kid for his license without either one of them telling the mother. Coparenting should be a "two yesses, one no" arrangement and the dad didn't hold up his end of the bargain. The boy is definitely at fault as well, but adolescents don't have the same impulse control as adults because their brains are still forming. The bulk of the responsibility lies with the father. The dad created the problem so it's his responsibility to fix it by paying the medical bills. The son should repay a portion of that from his college savings or through getting a job. Then he can take out college loans like the majority of students do.
She is, without a doubt, a very very good mom. The kid does not realised how lucky he is in all meanings of the word.
NTA. Good for you for setting ground rules. Sorry your husband is as immature as his son. Make son sell the motorcycle and make his Dad pay half for buying it for him in the first place, behind your back. No wonder you’re headed toward a divorce. Your son was lucky he didn’t die. My stepson ignored the rule about always wearing a helmet when he rode his motorcycle and he was killed by a drunk driver due to head trauma. Good for you for actually being a responsible parent.
Eh my entire college was funded on student loans. It's not the end of the world not having a college fund
I worked full time, went to college full time and managed the household during that time. This boy's college fund can take the hit. If he needs to postpone college for a year and work to pay off HIS RESPONSIBILITY FOR BREAKING THE RULES, then maybe he will learn the reality of consequences. Shelter a child from consequences and you set them up for the constant failure of irresponsibility. This lady is a NTA and a great parent. Do your son a favor and stick to your guns. It may even save his life someday.
Street racing WITH a passenger. Geez that's like 0 F@#ks given. He needs to learn about consequences. That boy is going to live with the effects of his injuries for the rest of his life.... And why oh why do in laws always have something to say.? Not their business and you're NTA!
Be careful of what you ask for. You have a tomorrow. My BF just lost nephew in a motorcycle accident. Nothing was amiss - truly an accident & so very very sad. One thought I have is what would have been said had he survived. Kudos to your son for concern of friends wellness FIRST. He got the really important message first - before you. You promised..So, you work insurances first (bike & homeowners). You can be sued btw so figure out cap amount agreeable to friends parents & doc w/ lawyer. Sell/total the bike. Start separate account on/for friends (submitted) hospital bills with bike-insurance then tally the difference up to agreed amount. Family meeting -Tell the husband & son the running balance & total & options to work to pay (match sons 'work' dollar for dollar by you & your husband), then use the savings, in-laws gift? & college fund. Count your blessings & forgive... everyone including you. Can't change the past & emotions surface & things are said when shocked by unexpected.
I’m confused. The boyfriend has responsibility in this. He has insurance and that should cover hospital bills. The dad and the son shouid pay the deductible. That can be out of pocket for dad with son paying him back. If that means selling motorcycle so be it. If the in laws are so offended have them pay the bill. I’m really confused as to why bf isn’t having medical insurance pay. I mean it’s literally why we have insurance.
Let dad pay half and the kid work and earn money to pay the other half
Even if you're 100% right, screaming at embarrassed people makes you an a*****e.
From the title it sounded kinda bad, but with actual context it's def NTA.
Good job, OP. Let him learn his lesson and be responsible for what he's done. Obviously your husband is a deadbeat, and so are his parents (they raised him that way). NTA
NTA. I'd tell my husband either the motorcycle is sold to pay toward medical bills or he pays out of his college fund. However, the boyfriend knew what he was doing and should be responsible for half.
Losing one's temper in such a situation is usually covering for the fear one has just experienced. But, as the adult, a calm voice would be best when once again sitting the son down and explaining how once knowing son is alright, it's now time for son to face the consequences of his actions for not keeping his part of the agreement. Give him a choice - sell the bike or use the $ in college fund to pay for friend's medical expenses.(he'll opt to sell the bike) Hopefully once son sees the bill he will realize the seriousness of his actions & that how much worse the accident could have been. If I was the parent I would also take him to the Rehab floor of the hospital to see the patients there. (He doesn't need to know their medical conditions but just the visual will have a shock affect.)
Needs to be serious consequences. Make him get a job to pay off medical bills. But I wouldn't take away college opportunity for him . He needs to have real world consequences but I wouldn't take away his educational.opportunities.
People go to college all the time without college funds. Paying for this mistake from his college fund won’t stop him from going, it just means he has to go into debt to do it. Maybe he should have listened to his mother.
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I feel love ke she should add that he can work to put money back into the account. Kids are dumb, I don't think making a college education in today's economy less attainable is best for her kid, and having him work to put the money back would have a more immediate impact. She could make different chores have a specific value or something.
Personally, if I were OP I'd sell the motorcycle *before* going into my son's college fund. If selling the motorcycle doesn't cover the medical bills, then take what's necessary out of the fund to cover the rest. Or, just have Son get a job to cover what selling the motorcycle didn't.
Sounds totally fair to me. The kid was a damn fool and he'll be paying for it now. He won't pull s**t like that again. Good mummying, I say.
I hope son learns something. But HB is definitely not. He is the AH here
There's paying all costs of a hospital stay and aftercare with doctors including possibly expensive drugs and physical therapy and then there's paying what the insurance does not cover. That the friend's parents weren't screaming bloody murder seems to indicate they have health coverage for their son. They were not afraid of getting stuck for $50,000 or more because of course many who say they will pay never do, unfortunately. The parents got lucky here if they only have to pay a small part of total. I hope everyone learned something.
I may be wrong but I feel like since she said she would pay it, she should pay it. I'm not saying her son shouldn't be punished but I don't think it's right to say you'll do something then p**n it off on another. Yes, her son was stupid and he's old enough to know better. However, she said she would take care of the hospital bill. Therefore, she should take care of it. Besides, who is to say her son will follow through. He might, if he really cares about his boyfriend. However, if I truly care about someone, I'm not going to drive recklessly knowing they could be hurt as a result. I would be the same way when I was sixteen.
Anyways I don't know if I would have attack the college fund but I do know I would make him work and pay for it as well as my husband. I would not paid at all for this. Sorry then I would filled for full custody over my kids. Dad is tryin to be his son's friend and not a dad.
People talking about 16 is a kid well these kids need to be happy they live in the US in so many other countries they would be seen as an adult.
I would say moms just as worthless as dad is, probably more so since she's taking her anger at dad out on her kid. From the sounds of things the two "adults" are playing tug of war and the kid is the rope. Use the insurance money from the accident to pay medical bills, mom and dad can pay the rest out of pocket. Have the kid get a job and work off the rest of the debt, YOU are the parents, YOU gave a 16yr boy a motorcycle. Teenagers, especially teenage boys, absolutely do stupid stuff on a daily basis and poor parenting is no reason to mess up this kids entire life. The parents are learning just as valuable of a lesson as the kid is.
The son would get kicked out of college since it happened when he was a freshman in college so using his college fund is appropriate also he's lucky to be alive to go to college and yes the in-laws and father should shut up and cover it if they don't like it. Actually the father is lucky not to get sued for it. So yeah not the whole and the father is an idiot and obviously irresponsible and doesn't have his priorities straight. Yes college is important but he risked his life and his friends life and his ability to go to college so its a mute point or whatever it's called. The kids in Oregon would've been thrown in adult jail with person to person crime aka a manditory minimum sentence felony for assault with a dangerous or deadly weapon for racing and with a passenger makes it an aggravated felony so upward departure sentence ..begining sentences at .70-90months up to 120month(10years) no college/ university would accept him.
She's not the a*****e, but I do find the 'only drive with your dad' a weird rule. The whole point of getting the motorcycle at that age is the freedom (and responsibility) that comes with riding alone. Clearly the child wasn't ready to handle that and so he shouldn't have gotten one yet
I love this sentence right in the beginning, you’re overstepping your ego just to keep all the parties satisfied.
Yes, yes, yes, and no. OP appears to be way too emotional based on her comments. She became angry and told him he would pay for medial expenses for bf. Unclear: did she tell Clark's parents she (since she appears to still be married, she means husband and wife) would pay ALL Clark's bills, or what is remaining after Clark's insurance paid. His BF is in hospital and your son is asking about him. Yes - she is TA. Tkae one issue at a time!!! Her reasoning in post is unclear about separation. States that because son is in hospital and husband's behavior is the reason the couple is separated. She should have put foot down and said NO to motorcycle instead of waiting for an accident to say na, na, na, na. na, na I Told You So. She TA. Take away money Bryan appeared to save for college. Take away his willingness possibly to go to college. Forget student loans. Think of the male psyche. She TA. She agreed to pay for Clark's bills. She NTA. However, she needs to learn to take a deep breath
Find it hard to believe the insurance doesn't cover it. And taking it from the college fund puts the kid's future at risk. Does she really want to ruin her kid's life for good? Dad should pay.
Why wouldn't the insurance pay regardless of being 'cheap' or not?! Not understanding THAT. THEN, why wouldn't the BIKE be sold for the remainder/ his own d@mn good?!!!?! Finally, Dad SHOULD be shouldering punitive damages/WHATEV bc he 100% SHOULD be hit where it hurts after this LONG LINE of unfortunate incidents that are ALL HIS FAULT. Parents of bf should DEF sue him for said punitive funds!!! Perhaps send ALL THREE to a driving school or donate to MADD or someth (not suggesting this was alc related) addtly, the three of them could do some sort of volunteer/adopt a highway kind of work AS WELL, this could've ended SO badly (MUCH worse than it did) and they ALSO put innocent bystanders at risk of becoming collateral damage. SHAME!!!
People are saying the KID deserves consequences...but what about the dad???? He wouldn't even BE in this situation if the dad didn't get him the bike BEHIND THE MOMS BACK. And now the kid is gonna have his future screwed over, because of something his dad literally let him do. And don't you all act so innocent, I bet you all did horrible things as teens, so knock it off with the "he's old enough".
Eta. The dad bc, he let his son do something so stupid and without your permission. You, bc you verbally berated him in public (I beat this was a common thing in your marriage) and are taken the medical expense out on your sons future. I don't agree with "let kids be kids" (creates a mindset that consequences don't affect them) but this really was your son being a stupid stupid teenager. The consequence is him being in the hospital, his friend is hurt, and he's lost his bike and is in trouble.
It sounds like he learned a couple of lessons. 1. Don't do dumb s**t on a motorcycle 2. If you ignore #1 you're very likely to hurt or kill someone (maybe yourself maybe someone you care about) 3. If you ignore #1 and #2 happens you're gonna have to pay for it. All in all this is the best possible outcome given the level of dumbassery shown here.
In merica, you can't get a motorcycle license till your 18. At least in Ohio where I'm at
What in the world was a 16 year old doing with a boyfriend at that age this kid is setting himself for a life of fecal incontinence and life of regret that crash is a lesson for him he is lucky he didn't break his neck and become paralysed and if I was his mom I would take him abroad probably India for medical treatment since it's cheap and they get the job done instead of wasting money on hospitals that would charge you thousands of dollars for just pinky bandage as for the college but i suppose this is how life in America is
YTA. What about Clark's responsibility in this? Is he a little angel? Did someone make him get on that bike? Did he ask his parents if it was alright to ride on a motorcycle? I have raised 3 boys and would have never allowed them to have a motorcycle at that age. If their dad would have bought them one, I would have gotten rid of it. If we were separated, I would never have accepted it and "laid down strick rules". She said she didn't want to look like the bad guy since he already had gotten the bike, but NOW she wants to ask if she is the AH? Did she really think kids will always follow the rules, I mean she said she has 2 more. The boy should have been punished in some way along with losing the bike. However, I say the bf parents need to own up and pay their own son's medical bills because he was not innocent in this. Bf parents should be punishing him as well. So, no she should not be taking it out of his college fund and she needs to own up to her mistakes as well.
Clark wasn't at fault in this case. Yes, he was stupid enough to get on the bike with his boyfriend, but at 15, he should've called his parents for a ride or asked his teammates for a ride. The only mistake the mom had was yelling at her husband in public. She was a responsible and reasonable adult. College funds are flexible and a privilege for some people. The dad should, for the most part, be paying the medical bills since it was him who bought his son the bike in the first place. Without the mom's rules, her son would've most likely been killed either by his own dumb*ss actions, his father's, or the other person who challenged the kid in the first place. It's also become normal for someone to feel this way, thinking they will be an AH, when being in this kind of toxic relationship. I was in a similar situation, with the parents being separated and on the verge of a divorce. It was the dad's fault, the kid needs to take responsibility for his actions, and the mom was protecting her
Load More Replies... Definitely TA. She says she'll pay and then hands the bill to her kid? Mother reacted emotionally without thinking and now has to deal with the situation. Next time stfu and settle it in court if they have a problem with it. Actually, from the very beginning, she should have spoken to the father and insist that he gets enough insurance if he insists on giving him the bike. This is what responsible adults do. Then again, it's easy to say this when my insurance will cover what my universal health care won't. Let me have it with the downvotes!
in all honesty, SHES THE A*****E! As one mention you don't take the college away from the kid. Boys don't mature as quickly as females. She was old enough to reproduce with an irresponsible male, she's getting her dog sleeping with fleas saying. It's something said about the parents anyway with calling the kid the oldest, when they have another son in College, and letting the middle son be with his "boyfriend" but that is for another post. Insurance covers so much, the kid is a minor and will have his insurance also cover the treatment. He ain't as innocent either as he agreed to ride, race, and be stupid at that age. All the way around her and her husband need to sit down talk about the issue, way to pay what is not covered, & how to parent the two kids left to raise of theirs. Stop arguing about adult stuff with children and be parents instead of using the kid as a p**n to relay messages.
Um, what part of NO do boys have trouble understanding? It's a plain and simple instruction and girls shouldn't be held more responsible just because they mature faster. No means no.
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The discussion should have been had behind closed doors firstly i dont know the background but it sucks they went behind your back from your post you seem somewhat difficult to reason with you think your husband wouldve gotten the bike thinking his son couldve been killed , those were his sons actions not his bikes can be safe if ridden properly he didnt do that and thats why he got into an accident i think this was more a chance his dad gave him to be responsible and he blew it big time , is she ahole a little is this a wake up call for the husband for sure whos too blame the son is he put his bfs life in danger being stupid bikes dont kill people the people on them do if he likes riding hes going to ride again get him lessons and as for your marriage well theres so many levels too a break up and thats something they will need to discuss calmly if they want to figure it out not everything has too be about vengence and tit for tat because at the end of the day its the family that pays
Wonder if she ever stopped to think that her own prejudices against motorcycles, and wanting to try and control things without giving any consideration to the child amd fathers feelings can be partly to blame for this? Im sure I'll get ripped apart in reply to this but hear me out, personally I, along with quite a few other kids I grew up with, had dirt bikes and such from the age of 5, and were taught proper safety and riding techniques, sure we did some stupid stuff, thats what kids do, except the ones with helicopter parents who raise anxiety laden kids by making them fear the world from projecting their anxieties on them. Yeah the kid did a stupid thing and should be subject to consequences, but whats the reason OP didn't want the kid to have a motorcycle? Because of her fears, all that does is make that kid go out when hes an adult and out of the control of his parents, if they don't continue to micromanage his life, and get a bike having far less experience and do stupid stuff!
One thing I learn about these AIMTA post is that usually (not always) the posts getting downvoted are the ones that are most rational.
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PTA, partially TA. It sounds like she made the unilateral decision that her son would pay (and how) without consulting both her son and her husband. I'm not saying the decision is right or wrong but how she went about it was.
It was her son and husband's fault, why shouldn't they pay for it?
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Clark wasn't the one driving. It was his boyfriend that was, and he also chose to be dangerous and race with a passenger. This is definitely on the son and to some degree the dad.
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Mum just wants revenge. I bet she's a harridan control freak. She can pay if you like or his parents can sue but you don't pay the bills of a your kids "flings". Cow.
Hold up. Clark is also responsible for his actions, getting on as a passenger. Claiming he is a kid and doesn't know better, same goes for the son/driver. Both need to pay for their own expenses.
So, assume you get in a bus. The driver is suicidal and drives the bus into a tree. You get hurt. Based on your logic, you are also are responsible. I doubt Clark told the driver to race
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Okay, firsth of all the kid did learn a lesson and grew and learned responsibility in the fact that both him and his bf almost DIED. Them almost dying isn't enough lesson for you people? His life should have been put first and not at any point did the mom actually say that she was concerned for her son or the bf, the first thing that was mentioned towards their condition was medical costs on both ends. How is she being anymore responsible than the husband? Besides if she was against the bike then she could've sold it after it was bought or she could've told the husband to give the kid driving lessons. She was ignorant to the safer paths and the husband was ignorant towards responsibility. Who tf makes a kid pay off the medical bill for 2 people after getting in a crash and almost losing the lives of both people. Image how terrifying that was. Christ, you boomers are insane
Definitely the a*****e. If I was with someone like OP, I would leave them
Actions have consequences. And frankly it's better than being sued to cover the cost. Because I can guarantee you Clark's parents aren't going to pay for the stupidity of the other kid.
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NTA, this is a mom taking responsibility of her son and handling a situation she wasn't onboard with in the first place and not directly involved with. Someone has to be the responsible parent. Another thing, college funds are luxuries, privileges. Not every kid has a family that has the means to set one up. There's always other ways to pay for college. Go abroad to a cheaper college somewhere else in the world, work, grants, scholarships. I don't recommend student loans but it is an option if all else fails. College isn't even the be all, end all thing to do anymore. There are apprenticeship programs, too. Some careers don't require anything but proven skills and introductory experience through High School.
Sell the bike. The college fund probably won't cover the medical bills, anyway.
Bikes may not be in a condition to net enough money to cover the medical bills
Load More Replies... Terrible situation all around. I'd rather see Dad pay Clark's hospital bills, not the kid. The kid is 16 and his frontal lobe is still growing in, but Dad should have known better. I suspect the son learned his lesson as soon as he realized his boyfriend was really hurt. This is the kind of thing that tends to happen in my home country, unfortunately, because college and healthcare costs are both sky-high.
Wrong. let's stop this "kids will be kids" ignorant mindset. The mother laid down rules for a reason, and even with the mistake, it's never too young to learn how to grow tf up. He thought he was old enough to street race and have passengers, he's old enough to take the financial responsibility.
Load More Replies... They should sue the father AND son. He's 16 so even in a state that only allows 5 years to collect a judgement, he'll be an adult soon and they can garnish his paychecks, property, bank accounts (college fund in his name?).
Load More Replies... since these people are currently separated and the dad thought his son was capable of being responsible then i would say that dad needs to pay the expense. he is the one that got the bike; got the license without mom's knowledge, and his son is a minor which makes a parent responsible. but, i would have the son make payments to reimburse the cost of the medical.
16 is old enough to drive, it's old enough to be responsible for anything that happens when you drive. No break for stupid 16 or 17 year olds...they are old enough to know better.
Load More Replies... Not only is she NTA here, but the kid's dad is a real piece of s**t. Motorcycles are inherently dangerous, and there is no way a 16 year old should be riding one. She stated time and again that she did not want her son on one, and the dad goes behind her back and buys him one anyway?
I honestly would sell the bike either way. He's clearly not remotely responsible enough for it. Motorcycles are so dangerous, it doesn't even have to be a mistake you make, just someone taking your right of way ... or just a screw lying on the road as was the case with a friend of mine that can kill you.
Making a 16 year old pay someone's medical bills is a bit much. 16 is too young to be crushed by debt. The father should be paying the medical bills, the bike should be sold (assuming it's not totalled) and that money can go towards the bills too. The 16 year old should lose the bike, permanently, and should not be allowed to drive a car until he's 18. He is clearly not to be trusted to operate a vehicle safely and responsibly, and doesn't follow the rules. Mom is NTA here. Dad's a AH. The kid is also an AH, because trying to street-race someone, especially with a passenger, is definately criminally irresponsible.
Read it again, he's not being crushed by debt. It's going to be taken out of his college fund, a luxury not every one has. You don't have to go to college to get a good job. BTW plumber make more than teachers and don't go to college. You could be an electrician with a vocational program, which also make more than college careers a lot of time. Or he can just go to a two year and work his way
Load More Replies... Okidoki - divorce, get custody, change your medical insurance, stand your ground on the payment, get I-just-want-the-fun-part-of-parenthood-ex-husband AND your son to pay and add surplus to the little idiots college fund, sell the bike and add THAT to the fund: when the dumbàss is eighteen (or possibly 20, depending on how quickly he learns to calculate risk and consequence) he can use that money to buy a bike THEN. Ok, perhaps a little extreme to make the kid pay the entire medical bill but no, absolutely NTA in my humble opinion. Although your husband is the biggest àsshole for getting your son into this situation. As mentioned before, teenagers are dumber than shìt, teenage is a time of believing you’re invincible and immortal. Your husband should have known better in so many ways about so many things. Too bad the OP will never read this, but what the heck.
He broke the rules .... The husband had absolutely no right not to communicate the "surprise" gift. He could have been killed which there goes college or he could have killed his boyfriend as so again there goes college. I'm agree with the mom and as far as taken college away, if he still wants to go there is nothing stopping him from that, other than himself. He may have to work a couple of jobs but singles parents mange 2 job and college. Welcome to the real world. Here is the even bigger question what if he had injured or worse killed someone that wasn't on the bike?
NTA. Major takeaway: Your HUSBAND TAUGHT YOUR SON TO IGNORE YOUR RULES. He TAUGHT your son that it was ok and cool to hide the purchase of the motorcycle knowing you didn't want your son to have one. He TAUGHT your son it was ok and cool to hide getting the license. He TAUGHT your son he could ignore you. No wonder he broke all the so-called rules you tried to set and copied his dad's stupid, cruel, disrespectful behavior. DAD needs to do whatever is necessary to make this right for son's bf and also needs to grow tf up and teach his son to respect OP. Doubt that will ever happen, ditch this giant a*s loser and get full custody when THE JUDGE explains to your children that they are not safe in their dad's custody. Physically or mentally as his influence clearly causes stupidity. And yes, make the son pay $$$ as well so it will have a big impact on that frontal lobe as it continues to form.
You win! Best response and insight. This is how misogyny happens; boys learn it from disrespectful fathers.
Load More Replies... MOM, "STAND your GROUND." YOU would be considered IRRESPONSIBLE IF you made the rules and NOW choose to break them simply because pressure is being placed on YOU by a man that didn't even have the Sense, Respect, or LOVE for YOU or his SON to consult with YOU before making such an important decision. WOW!! That speaks volumes about HIM. Don't YOU think so?? God only knows what story he's telling others behind your back. Forget them, too God forbid, l'd rather use the "college fund" to pay medical bills for the bf instead of a funeral service for my Son and his bf. College fund or not. Your Son and his bf are still here to attend college and safely enjoy life. Sell the motorcycle and pray that your son will NOW listen and follow the rules. A speedy recovery to everyone. 🙏
The one saying she should get Clark's parents to sue the husband. Legally, she doesn't even have to do that. She could sue him herself, letting the court know it's only so she can give the money to Clark's parents for the medical bills, and that she's hoping to teach her husband a lesson that he needs to be the one to pay for his actions. Pretty sure she'd win.
OP, NTA you are justified in your reaction. You seem to be the only parent here with any sense. Self the bike, make your husband and in laws pony up the money along with your brat son MUST pay from his college fund. Since he was disobedient he NEEDS to learn consequences of his rebellious actions. I hope you SEE what your husband is, a spineless coward, who blames you and denigrates you to his family. You are sensible an deserve better.
I wouldn't get involved at all and put all the pressure and responsibility on the father and kid. She didn't buy the bike for him, he did. The father can pay the boyfriends medical bills. If he can't, then tough. She should just tell the boys parents to communicate with the father only and sue him directly if he won't help out.
Her son is a minor and likely has no money or property of his own so if Clark's parents sue, they will name her as well as his father (they should include the son in the lawsuit as well). I'm guessing she's trying to settle this before she has a judgement against her on her credit for the next decade and her wages garnished/liens on her property/bank accounts frozen.
Load More Replies... The recklessness of what he did was what did it for me. He endangered himself, others on the road, and a minor. If he'd just broken the rules about not driving alone, I'd argue he's a licensed driver. But this kid f*****g street raced. His boyfriend's family does not deserve to pay the bills, and the natural consequence is for him to pay for his own mistakes. Due to how risky and dangerous his judgement call was, I would take away the motorcycle, and not give him a car any time soon either. He is not mature enough to drive safely. He can pay for the medical bills with the sale of the bike. Dad is an idiot for getting cheapest liability insurance, too. One criticism of mom is focusing on yelling at him for his mistake instead of showing concern for the well-being of him and his bf. Both parents need to grow up more.
Kid should be responsible to pay it. If the insurance doesn't cover it guess who is getting sued. You got it. Kid and his parents. Kid is old enough to be a father and charged as an adult, if he's old enough to drive anything but a lawnmower he is old enough to be responsible for his own stupid actions. Traffic court doesn't care about being 16 and stupid, commit the violation you are getting held responsible for it. He's better off in a trade school than college anyway...
Yup, the best answer here is sell the bike to cover the bills. Whatever is left comes out of his college fund, or daddy pays.
The husband was a moron and deserves to be dragged to the cleaners. NTA.
ESH. You didn’t want to be the bad guy? You’re not your kids friend. You’re a parent. You make the rules. I’d rather my kid be mad at me than being scraped up off the pavement like a pancake. You’re irresponsible son could have killed someone and should have not been driving a motorcycle. Put your big girl panties on and stop being afraid to be an actual mom.
I'm on the fence about this. Upon reading the title/lead in for the article, I was like "who the hell does this chick think she is trying to dip into a kid's college fund??" But I'm glad I read the story for context. I also thought the issue was he couldn't handle having another passenger on the back, as his mother feared when she ser the rules, but the REAL issue is he was DUMB enough to have a passenger on the back, AND street race??? on a BIKE?? IMO only cars should be used for "racing"! especially at that age! it's never too young for a little brat to grow up, so I'd say him paying for the medical bills out the college fund should suffice, but I feel bad he may not go to college later on lol. The mother has to think about that too. When the time for college comes and he doesn't have enough money, he will have to stay home and go to community College. She better choose wisely. I'm just wondering if those kids are still boyfriends tbh. Awkward!
NTA MAMA!!! NTA MAMA!!! NTA MAMA!!! It's a miracle their injuries weren't worse ESPECIALLY since they FLIPPED. THE. BIKE! Even with helmets and other protective gear on the fact that neither one broke their necks or backs is a very close brush with Life/Death that they escaped from by the grace of the skin on their teeth. This very reason is why new bikers are taught how lay down a bike with a passenger in tow and why they are never allowed to ride alone that young in biker families/MCs because the odds of them being in a fatal accident are higher because they are still learning how to control the machine underneath them while simultaneously learning to compensate for more traditional drivers on the road!
I'm not going to comment on the hospital bills, because that part of the issue seems to be grounded in the American health system, which is a hot mess.
I'm also not going to comment on the pros and cons of motorcycle ownership, because that is another divisive topic, and I'm also clearly biased in that regard.
What I AM going to comment on is the motorcycle picture featured somewhere in the thread (the pic which I have reposted).
That's the BMW K75, probably one of the most reliable and well-behaved motorcycles I have ever ridden. I was given one when a club member of mine emigrated and could not justify shipping his bike with him. Such a pleasure to ride. While it did not break any macho records involving torque or top speed, it handled like being on rails, and was, as a triple, extremly fuel efficient.
It was actually the bike which turned me from Japanese in general to BMW, after 40 years of riding. So, kudos to the K75.
Feel free to ignore this post :-) 2-43-63066...5c0fa3.jpg
Sell the bike, definitely. Tell husband he can pay instead of using college funds, because he started all of this with no rules. Tell your son you could be donating his organs right now, if it had been worse. 16 year olds don't get mortality, but they will understand deprivation of things they want. Get rid of that bike, I hope it's totaled.
Who the hell buys their 16-y-o a motorcycle? I've known a lot of physicians and other medical professionals that call them "donor cycles" because of the number of resulting brain-death injuries. In many states, you can't even get a motorcycle license until after 18. Unfortunately, the mother probably can't sell the bike because it's probably registered under her husband's name since the child is a minor. This is a classic--and rather disgusting--example of trying to buy a child's favor during a separation.
My father, who had been riding motorcycles since he was 14, got into a bad accident in his 40s that eventually cost him a third of his leg. It was just a crazy, random accident. If an experienced rider can end up with years of medical problems from an accident in a parking lot, imagine how much worse a kid with no experience street racing could have been.
It's nice to live in a country, where the whole thing can't happen, because: 1. you are not allowed to drive a motorcycle until the age of 17. 2. You can't drive a fast motorcycle until you have your license for 5 years. 3. Insurance would cover the costs (as long as the insurance doesn't know about the racing part and even then the costs wouldn't exceed 10.000€.) 4. College fund? What's that?
4. It's probably a 529 account, it's what us amaericans use if we are in a good position financially to start saving for a kids college. If your poor you'll get grants up to a certain point, but not usually enough to finish 4 years of college. Of your middle class you need to pay for everything, but there's not enough money without a savings. If your parents are rich they'll just pay for 4 years
Load More Replies... NTA but you are surrounded by them! Do you know what I call people who own street bikes? Organ donors. That a father would buy one for a 16 year old is appalling!.(And then buy the cheapest insurance? His stupidity boggles the mind.) There is a very real possibility that your son will turn out just like him if he isnt taught some hard lessons fast. You are absolutely doing the right thing. And your husband.and his parents can help make up the college fund as best as they can if they are suddenly worried about your son's future. Because they werent when they bought him a MC. BTW 'b***h is code for a woman being a mature responsible adult who picks up the pieces when men insist on behaving like children. Wear that label proudly.
First glad they are both ok. Your husband and son should both cough up the money to cover the bills. Of course you are the bad guy because you make sense. They snuck around and didn't follow rules that were agreed upon, so it's only right that they take full responsibility for what happened. In laws need to cough up more than their two cents since they are so worried about something that doesn't involve them.
Actions...consequences. Your only mistake was going off in public, especially in a hospital. At least what you and your husband do about the marriage should be clear now. His reckless disregard for your feelings on giving son a motorcycle indicate his disrespect and deception. Yes, your son and husband should pay for whatever the insurance doesn't cover, son's half coming out of college fund. His behavior could have gotten people killed. Yes, he's 16, but that's old enough to understand rules; now he knows why they're put in place.
The kid will still go to college. A college fund is a flexible thing, dad can just funnel more money from his motorcycle fund into the college fund. Either way, it's Dad's fault he got a bike, so it's on Dad to pay these bills cuz I-told-you-so. The kid will go to college regardless because college loans exist, and not having money won't stop a kid from getting an education, not in America.
What hasn't been mentioned is what equipment he had. He should never have had a pillion, and both should have had full protective wear. We ride regularly in the UK, and wear helmet, protective clothing and gloves. Also, what cc was the bike? It's very strictly limited here for engine size for learners and younger people.
I think there is room for more than one lesson here. Don't take it from his college fund per se. Have him take it out like you would an emergency loan from a 401k or other retirement account. If I was suddenly responsible for medical bills I didn't have savings for that's how I would have to deal with it
I can understand how the dad may have been thinking, "We're separated now so she can't tell me what to do in my own house or with my own son." Of course, that's unbelievably childish and reckless of him. It's even worse that the dad took the kid for his license without either one of them telling the mother. Coparenting should be a "two yesses, one no" arrangement and the dad didn't hold up his end of the bargain. The boy is definitely at fault as well, but adolescents don't have the same impulse control as adults because their brains are still forming. The bulk of the responsibility lies with the father. The dad created the problem so it's his responsibility to fix it by paying the medical bills. The son should repay a portion of that from his college savings or through getting a job. Then he can take out college loans like the majority of students do.
She is, without a doubt, a very very good mom. The kid does not realised how lucky he is in all meanings of the word.
NTA. Good for you for setting ground rules. Sorry your husband is as immature as his son. Make son sell the motorcycle and make his Dad pay half for buying it for him in the first place, behind your back. No wonder you’re headed toward a divorce. Your son was lucky he didn’t die. My stepson ignored the rule about always wearing a helmet when he rode his motorcycle and he was killed by a drunk driver due to head trauma. Good for you for actually being a responsible parent.
Eh my entire college was funded on student loans. It's not the end of the world not having a college fund
I worked full time, went to college full time and managed the household during that time. This boy's college fund can take the hit. If he needs to postpone college for a year and work to pay off HIS RESPONSIBILITY FOR BREAKING THE RULES, then maybe he will learn the reality of consequences. Shelter a child from consequences and you set them up for the constant failure of irresponsibility. This lady is a NTA and a great parent. Do your son a favor and stick to your guns. It may even save his life someday.
Street racing WITH a passenger. Geez that's like 0 F@#ks given. He needs to learn about consequences. That boy is going to live with the effects of his injuries for the rest of his life.... And why oh why do in laws always have something to say.? Not their business and you're NTA!
Be careful of what you ask for. You have a tomorrow. My BF just lost nephew in a motorcycle accident. Nothing was amiss - truly an accident & so very very sad. One thought I have is what would have been said had he survived. Kudos to your son for concern of friends wellness FIRST. He got the really important message first - before you. You promised..So, you work insurances first (bike & homeowners). You can be sued btw so figure out cap amount agreeable to friends parents & doc w/ lawyer. Sell/total the bike. Start separate account on/for friends (submitted) hospital bills with bike-insurance then tally the difference up to agreed amount. Family meeting -Tell the husband & son the running balance & total & options to work to pay (match sons 'work' dollar for dollar by you & your husband), then use the savings, in-laws gift? & college fund. Count your blessings & forgive... everyone including you. Can't change the past & emotions surface & things are said when shocked by unexpected.
I’m confused. The boyfriend has responsibility in this. He has insurance and that should cover hospital bills. The dad and the son shouid pay the deductible. That can be out of pocket for dad with son paying him back. If that means selling motorcycle so be it. If the in laws are so offended have them pay the bill. I’m really confused as to why bf isn’t having medical insurance pay. I mean it’s literally why we have insurance.
Let dad pay half and the kid work and earn money to pay the other half
Even if you're 100% right, screaming at embarrassed people makes you an a*****e.
From the title it sounded kinda bad, but with actual context it's def NTA.
Good job, OP. Let him learn his lesson and be responsible for what he's done. Obviously your husband is a deadbeat, and so are his parents (they raised him that way). NTA
NTA. I'd tell my husband either the motorcycle is sold to pay toward medical bills or he pays out of his college fund. However, the boyfriend knew what he was doing and should be responsible for half.
Losing one's temper in such a situation is usually covering for the fear one has just experienced. But, as the adult, a calm voice would be best when once again sitting the son down and explaining how once knowing son is alright, it's now time for son to face the consequences of his actions for not keeping his part of the agreement. Give him a choice - sell the bike or use the $ in college fund to pay for friend's medical expenses.(he'll opt to sell the bike) Hopefully once son sees the bill he will realize the seriousness of his actions & that how much worse the accident could have been. If I was the parent I would also take him to the Rehab floor of the hospital to see the patients there. (He doesn't need to know their medical conditions but just the visual will have a shock affect.)
Needs to be serious consequences. Make him get a job to pay off medical bills. But I wouldn't take away college opportunity for him . He needs to have real world consequences but I wouldn't take away his educational.opportunities.
People go to college all the time without college funds. Paying for this mistake from his college fund won’t stop him from going, it just means he has to go into debt to do it. Maybe he should have listened to his mother.
Load More Replies... I feel love ke she should add that he can work to put money back into the account. Kids are dumb, I don't think making a college education in today's economy less attainable is best for her kid, and having him work to put the money back would have a more immediate impact. She could make different chores have a specific value or something.
Personally, if I were OP I'd sell the motorcycle *before* going into my son's college fund. If selling the motorcycle doesn't cover the medical bills, then take what's necessary out of the fund to cover the rest. Or, just have Son get a job to cover what selling the motorcycle didn't.
Sounds totally fair to me. The kid was a damn fool and he'll be paying for it now. He won't pull s**t like that again. Good mummying, I say.
I hope son learns something. But HB is definitely not. He is the AH here
There's paying all costs of a hospital stay and aftercare with doctors including possibly expensive drugs and physical therapy and then there's paying what the insurance does not cover. That the friend's parents weren't screaming bloody murder seems to indicate they have health coverage for their son. They were not afraid of getting stuck for $50,000 or more because of course many who say they will pay never do, unfortunately. The parents got lucky here if they only have to pay a small part of total. I hope everyone learned something.
I may be wrong but I feel like since she said she would pay it, she should pay it. I'm not saying her son shouldn't be punished but I don't think it's right to say you'll do something then p**n it off on another. Yes, her son was stupid and he's old enough to know better. However, she said she would take care of the hospital bill. Therefore, she should take care of it. Besides, who is to say her son will follow through. He might, if he really cares about his boyfriend. However, if I truly care about someone, I'm not going to drive recklessly knowing they could be hurt as a result. I would be the same way when I was sixteen.
Anyways I don't know if I would have attack the college fund but I do know I would make him work and pay for it as well as my husband. I would not paid at all for this. Sorry then I would filled for full custody over my kids. Dad is tryin to be his son's friend and not a dad.
People talking about 16 is a kid well these kids need to be happy they live in the US in so many other countries they would be seen as an adult.
I would say moms just as worthless as dad is, probably more so since she's taking her anger at dad out on her kid. From the sounds of things the two "adults" are playing tug of war and the kid is the rope. Use the insurance money from the accident to pay medical bills, mom and dad can pay the rest out of pocket. Have the kid get a job and work off the rest of the debt, YOU are the parents, YOU gave a 16yr boy a motorcycle. Teenagers, especially teenage boys, absolutely do stupid stuff on a daily basis and poor parenting is no reason to mess up this kids entire life. The parents are learning just as valuable of a lesson as the kid is.
The son would get kicked out of college since it happened when he was a freshman in college so using his college fund is appropriate also he's lucky to be alive to go to college and yes the in-laws and father should shut up and cover it if they don't like it. Actually the father is lucky not to get sued for it. So yeah not the whole and the father is an idiot and obviously irresponsible and doesn't have his priorities straight. Yes college is important but he risked his life and his friends life and his ability to go to college so its a mute point or whatever it's called. The kids in Oregon would've been thrown in adult jail with person to person crime aka a manditory minimum sentence felony for assault with a dangerous or deadly weapon for racing and with a passenger makes it an aggravated felony so upward departure sentence ..begining sentences at .70-90months up to 120month(10years) no college/ university would accept him.
She's not the a*****e, but I do find the 'only drive with your dad' a weird rule. The whole point of getting the motorcycle at that age is the freedom (and responsibility) that comes with riding alone. Clearly the child wasn't ready to handle that and so he shouldn't have gotten one yet
I love this sentence right in the beginning, you’re overstepping your ego just to keep all the parties satisfied.
Yes, yes, yes, and no. OP appears to be way too emotional based on her comments. She became angry and told him he would pay for medial expenses for bf. Unclear: did she tell Clark's parents she (since she appears to still be married, she means husband and wife) would pay ALL Clark's bills, or what is remaining after Clark's insurance paid. His BF is in hospital and your son is asking about him. Yes - she is TA. Tkae one issue at a time!!! Her reasoning in post is unclear about separation. States that because son is in hospital and husband's behavior is the reason the couple is separated. She should have put foot down and said NO to motorcycle instead of waiting for an accident to say na, na, na, na. na, na I Told You So. She TA. Take away money Bryan appeared to save for college. Take away his willingness possibly to go to college. Forget student loans. Think of the male psyche. She TA. She agreed to pay for Clark's bills. She NTA. However, she needs to learn to take a deep breath
Find it hard to believe the insurance doesn't cover it. And taking it from the college fund puts the kid's future at risk. Does she really want to ruin her kid's life for good? Dad should pay.
Why wouldn't the insurance pay regardless of being 'cheap' or not?! Not understanding THAT. THEN, why wouldn't the BIKE be sold for the remainder/ his own d@mn good?!!!?! Finally, Dad SHOULD be shouldering punitive damages/WHATEV bc he 100% SHOULD be hit where it hurts after this LONG LINE of unfortunate incidents that are ALL HIS FAULT. Parents of bf should DEF sue him for said punitive funds!!! Perhaps send ALL THREE to a driving school or donate to MADD or someth (not suggesting this was alc related) addtly, the three of them could do some sort of volunteer/adopt a highway kind of work AS WELL, this could've ended SO badly (MUCH worse than it did) and they ALSO put innocent bystanders at risk of becoming collateral damage. SHAME!!!
People are saying the KID deserves consequences...but what about the dad???? He wouldn't even BE in this situation if the dad didn't get him the bike BEHIND THE MOMS BACK. And now the kid is gonna have his future screwed over, because of something his dad literally let him do. And don't you all act so innocent, I bet you all did horrible things as teens, so knock it off with the "he's old enough".
Eta. The dad bc, he let his son do something so stupid and without your permission. You, bc you verbally berated him in public (I beat this was a common thing in your marriage) and are taken the medical expense out on your sons future. I don't agree with "let kids be kids" (creates a mindset that consequences don't affect them) but this really was your son being a stupid stupid teenager. The consequence is him being in the hospital, his friend is hurt, and he's lost his bike and is in trouble.
It sounds like he learned a couple of lessons. 1. Don't do dumb s**t on a motorcycle 2. If you ignore #1 you're very likely to hurt or kill someone (maybe yourself maybe someone you care about) 3. If you ignore #1 and #2 happens you're gonna have to pay for it. All in all this is the best possible outcome given the level of dumbassery shown here.
In merica, you can't get a motorcycle license till your 18. At least in Ohio where I'm at
What in the world was a 16 year old doing with a boyfriend at that age this kid is setting himself for a life of fecal incontinence and life of regret that crash is a lesson for him he is lucky he didn't break his neck and become paralysed and if I was his mom I would take him abroad probably India for medical treatment since it's cheap and they get the job done instead of wasting money on hospitals that would charge you thousands of dollars for just pinky bandage as for the college but i suppose this is how life in America is
YTA. What about Clark's responsibility in this? Is he a little angel? Did someone make him get on that bike? Did he ask his parents if it was alright to ride on a motorcycle? I have raised 3 boys and would have never allowed them to have a motorcycle at that age. If their dad would have bought them one, I would have gotten rid of it. If we were separated, I would never have accepted it and "laid down strick rules". She said she didn't want to look like the bad guy since he already had gotten the bike, but NOW she wants to ask if she is the AH? Did she really think kids will always follow the rules, I mean she said she has 2 more. The boy should have been punished in some way along with losing the bike. However, I say the bf parents need to own up and pay their own son's medical bills because he was not innocent in this. Bf parents should be punishing him as well. So, no she should not be taking it out of his college fund and she needs to own up to her mistakes as well.
Clark wasn't at fault in this case. Yes, he was stupid enough to get on the bike with his boyfriend, but at 15, he should've called his parents for a ride or asked his teammates for a ride. The only mistake the mom had was yelling at her husband in public. She was a responsible and reasonable adult. College funds are flexible and a privilege for some people. The dad should, for the most part, be paying the medical bills since it was him who bought his son the bike in the first place. Without the mom's rules, her son would've most likely been killed either by his own dumb*ss actions, his father's, or the other person who challenged the kid in the first place. It's also become normal for someone to feel this way, thinking they will be an AH, when being in this kind of toxic relationship. I was in a similar situation, with the parents being separated and on the verge of a divorce. It was the dad's fault, the kid needs to take responsibility for his actions, and the mom was protecting her
Load More Replies... Definitely TA. She says she'll pay and then hands the bill to her kid? Mother reacted emotionally without thinking and now has to deal with the situation. Next time stfu and settle it in court if they have a problem with it. Actually, from the very beginning, she should have spoken to the father and insist that he gets enough insurance if he insists on giving him the bike. This is what responsible adults do. Then again, it's easy to say this when my insurance will cover what my universal health care won't. Let me have it with the downvotes!
in all honesty, SHES THE A*****E! As one mention you don't take the college away from the kid. Boys don't mature as quickly as females. She was old enough to reproduce with an irresponsible male, she's getting her dog sleeping with fleas saying. It's something said about the parents anyway with calling the kid the oldest, when they have another son in College, and letting the middle son be with his "boyfriend" but that is for another post. Insurance covers so much, the kid is a minor and will have his insurance also cover the treatment. He ain't as innocent either as he agreed to ride, race, and be stupid at that age. All the way around her and her husband need to sit down talk about the issue, way to pay what is not covered, & how to parent the two kids left to raise of theirs. Stop arguing about adult stuff with children and be parents instead of using the kid as a p**n to relay messages.
Um, what part of NO do boys have trouble understanding? It's a plain and simple instruction and girls shouldn't be held more responsible just because they mature faster. No means no.
Load More Replies... The discussion should have been had behind closed doors firstly i dont know the background but it sucks they went behind your back from your post you seem somewhat difficult to reason with you think your husband wouldve gotten the bike thinking his son couldve been killed , those were his sons actions not his bikes can be safe if ridden properly he didnt do that and thats why he got into an accident i think this was more a chance his dad gave him to be responsible and he blew it big time , is she ahole a little is this a wake up call for the husband for sure whos too blame the son is he put his bfs life in danger being stupid bikes dont kill people the people on them do if he likes riding hes going to ride again get him lessons and as for your marriage well theres so many levels too a break up and thats something they will need to discuss calmly if they want to figure it out not everything has too be about vengence and tit for tat because at the end of the day its the family that pays
Wonder if she ever stopped to think that her own prejudices against motorcycles, and wanting to try and control things without giving any consideration to the child amd fathers feelings can be partly to blame for this? Im sure I'll get ripped apart in reply to this but hear me out, personally I, along with quite a few other kids I grew up with, had dirt bikes and such from the age of 5, and were taught proper safety and riding techniques, sure we did some stupid stuff, thats what kids do, except the ones with helicopter parents who raise anxiety laden kids by making them fear the world from projecting their anxieties on them. Yeah the kid did a stupid thing and should be subject to consequences, but whats the reason OP didn't want the kid to have a motorcycle? Because of her fears, all that does is make that kid go out when hes an adult and out of the control of his parents, if they don't continue to micromanage his life, and get a bike having far less experience and do stupid stuff!
One thing I learn about these AIMTA post is that usually (not always) the posts getting downvoted are the ones that are most rational.
Load More Replies... PTA, partially TA. It sounds like she made the unilateral decision that her son would pay (and how) without consulting both her son and her husband. I'm not saying the decision is right or wrong but how she went about it was.
It was her son and husband's fault, why shouldn't they pay for it?
Load More Replies... Clark wasn't the one driving. It was his boyfriend that was, and he also chose to be dangerous and race with a passenger. This is definitely on the son and to some degree the dad.
Load More Replies... Mum just wants revenge. I bet she's a harridan control freak. She can pay if you like or his parents can sue but you don't pay the bills of a your kids "flings". Cow.
Hold up. Clark is also responsible for his actions, getting on as a passenger. Claiming he is a kid and doesn't know better, same goes for the son/driver. Both need to pay for their own expenses.
So, assume you get in a bus. The driver is suicidal and drives the bus into a tree. You get hurt. Based on your logic, you are also are responsible. I doubt Clark told the driver to race
Load More Replies... Okay, firsth of all the kid did learn a lesson and grew and learned responsibility in the fact that both him and his bf almost DIED. Them almost dying isn't enough lesson for you people? His life should have been put first and not at any point did the mom actually say that she was concerned for her son or the bf, the first thing that was mentioned towards their condition was medical costs on both ends. How is she being anymore responsible than the husband? Besides if she was against the bike then she could've sold it after it was bought or she could've told the husband to give the kid driving lessons. She was ignorant to the safer paths and the husband was ignorant towards responsibility. Who tf makes a kid pay off the medical bill for 2 people after getting in a crash and almost losing the lives of both people. Image how terrifying that was. Christ, you boomers are insane
Definitely the a*****e. If I was with someone like OP, I would leave them
Actions have consequences. And frankly it's better than being sued to cover the cost. Because I can guarantee you Clark's parents aren't going to pay for the stupidity of the other kid.
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