Yeah, surely the quotes you’ll find below aren’t sarcastic. Not the slightest bit. They’re just as light and cheery as daffodil fluff floating in the azure summer sky, with no dual meanings, no sly remarks, and no storm clouds here.
Nuh-uh, no way. They aren’t even that funny; who cares for sarcastic quotes, anyway? Only sweet old ladies, probably. However, if you’d still like to try these no-good, dark quotes, we’ve gathered an insignificant amount of 40 sarcastic sayings for your judgment.
In all seriousness, though, sarcastic quotes are the best—they are slightly stingy and inherently clever, they can be used on almost any occasion, and if your opponent is worthy, they’ll even grant a belly-full of laughs. Some of these funny, ironic quotes originated in famous people’s heads, like Oscar Wilde and Aldous Huxley; others are of mysteriously undocumented origins.
With those ironic quotes about life, you can always claim them as your own! That is if you think the receiver will understand them fully; otherwise, all you will get is a tumbleweed slowly rolling between you two, and the resulting awkward silence will fall on your conscience.
So, cynics, rejoice! This article is dedicated to you, to the dark jokes we love dearly, and to the most useful ironic quotes to memorize! Reach all this book-worthy material in just a few scrolls directed downward, and don’t forget to vote for clever, sarcastic quotes. Also, share this wisdom with your friends by dropping them a link to this article containing the smartest quotes ever!
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"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." – Robin Williams
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." – Oscar Wilde
"If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ."
"I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you."
"I always say 'Morning' Instead of 'good morning' Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people."
"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist." – Michael Levine
Some of us are lucky, unfortunately it seems the exception not the rule
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Unfortunately there are those who are simply donors and have no business being incorrectly referred to as parents no matter the grammar. One needs to parent as a verb in order to earn the title as a noun. Hopefully for the childrens sake, the title includes an adjective such as loving.
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My mother should not have been a parent. I chose not to follow in her footsteps.
My mother should not have been a parent either. I refuse to follow in her footsteps too. Wish more people would take note of this. If your kids think this about you, it’s not a good sign. Don’t have kids if you’re not ready to give up your entire life and financials for them for at least 18 years, sorry.
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My sister should not have had kids. All three are in foster care...in three different foster homes. It's tragic.
That's really sad for the kids. Hope they can be reunited one day in a loving home.
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For some wealthy people, having a piano is a status symbol. My successful aunt had one and I don't think anyone in that house played. In fact, pretty sure no one was allowed to touch it.
Somehow I feel this quote is missing a doctor reference too... 8+ years of college does not make an intelligent doctor....
Some Dr's were the dummy of the year.
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"An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true." – Robert Oppenheimer
"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."
"Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity."
"Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege."
"I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!" – Billy Connolly
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." – Fred Allen
Why would anyone want to be famous? I'll take rich for sure. But to have no privacy and everyone looking at you and in your business? No wonder many very famous people eventually go nuts, or just lose touch with reality.
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." – Steven Wright
"Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal."
"Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’." – Robin Williams
"Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I’d punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn’t lose my job."
"My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".
"If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him." – Sir Winston Churchill
"Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense."
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." – Albert Einstein
"Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us." – Stephen Colbert
"Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often."
"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more." – Walter Matthau
i heard i another one that say the doctor gave me one month to live so i shot him in the face the jury gave me 12 problem solved
"Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams."
"So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?"
"I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it."
"When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying." – Oscar Wilde
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." – Albert Einstein
"History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." – Abba Eban
"I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?"
"Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face."
"If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel."
"My uncle's dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair." – Rodney Dangerfield
My favorite Rodney quote: My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay - you're ugly, too.
"People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world."
Note: this post originally had 184 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
Most of these are things 12 year old me would have seen on a shirt on Pinterest and thought it was the funniest thing ever.
Some of these are just cynical or trying too hard to be funny. A few are gems though
Started as sarcastic comedy and quickly devolved into dad jokes and boomer humor. Cringetopia.
anyone who says "cringetopia" should automatically get punched in the face.
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I could eat alphabet soup and s**t better lyrics. - Johnny Mercer
I'm sure the downvote trolls will have a field day with me, but I'm not going to pretend these are witty or funny. Most of them are neither.
My all time favorite toast, which I feel might fit here: Here's wishing champagne for our true friends...and true pain for our sham friends
This was posted 14 hours ago... but there are comments from a week ago....
Yeah,right. I'm sure I could make a witty comeback with these antiquated quotes. I think I'll stick with the classic " f**k you ". Thanks anyway.
Most of these are things 12 year old me would have seen on a shirt on Pinterest and thought it was the funniest thing ever.
Some of these are just cynical or trying too hard to be funny. A few are gems though
Started as sarcastic comedy and quickly devolved into dad jokes and boomer humor. Cringetopia.
anyone who says "cringetopia" should automatically get punched in the face.
Load More Replies... I could eat alphabet soup and s**t better lyrics. - Johnny Mercer
I'm sure the downvote trolls will have a field day with me, but I'm not going to pretend these are witty or funny. Most of them are neither.
My all time favorite toast, which I feel might fit here: Here's wishing champagne for our true friends...and true pain for our sham friends
This was posted 14 hours ago... but there are comments from a week ago....
Yeah,right. I'm sure I could make a witty comeback with these antiquated quotes. I think I'll stick with the classic " f**k you ". Thanks anyway.
