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Yeah, surely the quotes you’ll find below aren’t sarcastic. Not the slightest bit. They’re just as light and cheery as daffodil fluff floating in the azure summer sky, with no dual meanings, no sly remarks, and no storm clouds here. 

Nuh-uh, no way. They aren’t even that funny; who cares for sarcastic quotes, anyway? Only sweet old ladies, probably. However, if you’d still like to try these no-good, dark quotes, we’ve gathered an insignificant amount of 40 sarcastic sayings for your judgment. 

In all seriousness, though, sarcastic quotes are the bestthey are slightly stingy and inherently clever, they can be used on almost any occasion, and if your opponent is worthy, they’ll even grant a belly-full of laughs. Some of these funny, ironic quotes originated in famous people’s heads, like Oscar Wilde and Aldous Huxley; others are of mysteriously undocumented origins. 

With those ironic quotes about life, you can always claim them as your own! That is if you think the receiver will understand them fully; otherwise, all you will get is a tumbleweed slowly rolling between you two, and the resulting awkward silence will fall on your conscience.

So, cynics, rejoice! This article is dedicated to you, to the dark jokes we love dearly, and to the most useful ironic quotes to memorize! Reach all this book-worthy material in just a few scrolls directed downward, and don’t forget to vote for clever, sarcastic quotes. Also, share this wisdom with your friends by dropping them a link to this article containing the smartest quotes ever!

#1

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." – Robin Williams

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#2

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." – Oscar Wilde

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#3

"If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ."

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#5

"I always say 'Morning' Instead of 'good morning' Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people."

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#6

"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist." – Michael Levine

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#7

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true." – Robert Oppenheimer

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libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I kinda like this world. But then again I compare it to life for humans before technology and plumbing especially so I think we have got it pretty damn good.

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#8

"If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito."

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#9

"Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity."

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#10

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege."

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to use this one ... A neat little parcel of insult, sarcasm and truth :D

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#11

"I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew."

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#12

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!" – Billy Connolly

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#13

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "You know what I like about people? Their dogs."

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Vicky Z
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of the kid that asked: dad can i pet that dog? You have to ask his owner! But i don't want to talk to people! I only like dogs

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#14

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." – Fred Allen

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Kookamunga
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would anyone want to be famous? I'll take rich for sure. But to have no privacy and everyone looking at you and in your business? No wonder many very famous people eventually go nuts, or just lose touch with reality.

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#15

"An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough."

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Daria B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would you throw away a precious apple? ♡ *me eats*

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#16

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." – Steven Wright

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Buren
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Similar to my favourite Mark Twain: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. I believe Lincoln said something similar.

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#17

"Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal."

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#18

"Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’." – Robin Williams

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#19

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "Don’t mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I’d punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn’t lose my job."

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#20

"My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters... But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly "we need to talk".

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#22

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him." – Sir Winston Churchill

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#23

"Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense."

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#24

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." – Albert Einstein

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#25

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us." – Stephen Colbert

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#26

"Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often."

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#27

"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more." – Walter Matthau

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Henry Russell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i heard i another one that say the doctor gave me one month to live so i shot him in the face the jury gave me 12 problem solved

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#28

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams."

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#29

"So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?"

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#30

"I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it."

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#31

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work."

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#32

"I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying." – Oscar Wilde

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#33

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." – Albert Einstein

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#34

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." – Abba Eban

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#35

"I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?"

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#36

"Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face."

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#37

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel."

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Vicky Z
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Happens also when single with a cat and the cat is sitting on the remote

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#39

"My uncle's dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair." – Rodney Dangerfield

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Kookamunga
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My favorite Rodney quote: My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay - you're ugly, too.

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#40

40 Sarcastic Quotes To Make Sure You Have A Witty Comeback "People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world."

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