Girlfriend’s Rude Italian-American Family Make Fun Of Her Boyfriend, Are Surprised When He Roasts Them With Fluent Italian
Meeting your partner’s family for the first time doesn’t always go as planned. Even if things have been smooth between you and your other half, the worry of whether you’ll leave a good impression is off the charts. You feel anxious about saying the wrong thing, wearing the proper outfit, and navigating the rough waters of small talk. On top of that, you’re also nervous about how your prospective future family will make you feel.
“Recently, I started dating a girl. She’s great and I love her so much,” one Redditor shared in a story on the AITA subreddit. He knew meeting her parents and other family members was an important milestone that might take their relationship to the next level. But even with the best preparation, hiccups were unavoidable.
He found out that the male side of their Italian-American family is very into being macho and “testing” any guy who steps foot in their house. Suddenly, they felt the need to poke fun at his looks and career choices, and you can almost feel the tension in the room rising. So the user finally snapped and started clapping back in Italian. What followed was a very uncomfortable situation that led to some seriously bruised egos. Read on for the whole story, decide for yourself whether the man went a bit overboard, and weigh in on the situation in the comments!
Recently, a man shared how meeting his girlfriend’s Italian-American family that takes pride in their heritage went sour
Image credits: Askar Abayev (not the actual photo)
After “embarrassing” them by speaking Italian, he asked the internet to evaluate the situation
Image credits: Ashkan Forouzani (not the actual photo)
Later on, the user clarified a few details
When the topic turns to meeting your partner’s family for the first time, everyone has at least a few tips and tricks to share in a bid to calm you before this nerve-wracking occasion. After all, first impressions do matter, but so does being respectful to another human being. Thankfully, the author of this story can now feel at ease as the vast majority of Redditors took his side and applauded him for turning the tables on the macho men who tried to embarrass him.
However, the topic of the post sparks further discussion. Why do these family dinners often turn into the least enjoyable relationship milestones? And how to best survive these occasions without them putting a damper on our confidence? To learn what an expert had to say about this situation, we reached out to relationship coach Marta, the founder of MyCoachMarta.
“The first time you meet your partner’s family can feel like an audition,” she told Bored Panda. “As tribal creatures, we hope to be accepted by our ‘new tribe’, and typically, we have already encountered various family dynamics, such as controlling parents, those who believe no one is ever good enough for their kids, even groups who are outright judgmental. We hope for the best while preparing for the worst.”
According to research by Princeton psychologists Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov, a tenth of a second is all it takes for people to form an impression of a stranger from their face. So no wonder we put so much pressure on ourselves when venturing into unfamiliar waters to meet people who may become a part of our family. As Marta explained, this occasion often makes us anxious because it is undeniably a significant relational milestone.
“We want to, of course, get on with our in-laws, and simultaneously we’re discovering the dynamics our partner grew up with. There’s no escaping the fact that those dynamics affect how they show up in relationships. As much as we want to be welcomed and accepted by the family, we are also observing and using our filters to determine whether this tribe is similar to our own; and if there’s anything they passed on to our partner we don’t quite like.”
“First impressions matter,” Marta continued. “But nobody will be completely themselves in stressful circumstances, so I wouldn’t place too much importance on them. The way the relationship with the partner’s family evolves over time matters more than how it begins.”
The relationship coach shared that if you want things to go smoothly, a bit of research can go a long way. “Prior to meeting the family, speak with your partner and learn as much as you can about the individual members. You’ll be aware of what to anticipate, what to compliment them on, what they will or won’t appreciate, and what to watch out for, or not take personally. Be polite and complimentary but don’t over-perform,” she advised.
But just as in the scenario the user found himself in, some circumstances are unpredictable. Unnecessary drama and arguments can become a part of your relationship with your potential family, so it’s important to know how to find healthy solutions to the issues that arise. Marta explained that “handling conflict is a crucial interpersonal ability, so if arguments do occur, it’s a chance to showcase your relational skills.”
“If you can considerably and politely handle a dinner quibble, you’ll likely do well with disagreements in your marital home. That’s reassuring for the family and your partner,” she said. “If someone is being impolite or unpleasant, do uphold your boundaries. Communicating boundaries shows emotional maturity and spine, something the family likely wants their offspring’s partner to have.”
“Remember that your partner already chose you and what’s most important is that the relationship between the two of you is happy and healthy. Prioritize getting to know the family and developing a relationship over time rather than trying to perform on the day,” the relationship coach concluded.
After reading the story, here’s how the AITA community reacted to the family drama
My parents are Italian and I speak it very well but I don't call myself Italian because I'm English, Italians laugh at the Americans who call themselves Italians.
Please try to understand that Americans are sufficiently intelligent to know that technically they are Americans and not Irish, Italians, or Greeks. We call ourselves those labels as a fun social exercise of sorts pointing out our unique contribution to the big melting pot that is America. People that grow up in Italian homes in America, for example, have a good insight into the heart and soul of true Italians from Italy. So, please calm down. We are just having fun with it.
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Italian here. I think that the whole concept of "being macho, bold, outspoken, telling it like it is, etc" is still present in our culture, but much less than what you'd expect. It's movies that perpetrate this stereotype. Yes, It's common, within your circle of friend, to mock your fellas but 1- it's never so harsh to the point of becoming bullying and 2- it's never a one way street, it's always reciprocal. That being said, I've always found a little cringy how some Italian-Americans are so unapologetically proud of their heritage. I'm like ok, calm your tits out, Italian people are not like that. Being fanatically patriotic is rare and considered weird (a little fascist, to be honest). It might be rooted to our history of division, Italy is a relatively young Country. I guess we are more fond and proud of our city or region. It's called "campanilismo" , thinking your city is better than everyone else, like Milan is so much better than Rome, or "I'm proud to be Sicilian" and such.
Anyone who uses the "oh it's the italian in me", or the "I'm just a typical firey red-head" and other similar excuses, is doing just that. Looking for ways to excuse their poor behaviour.
Load More Replies... This isn't the Italian coming through, it's the New Jersey coming through. Poor babies can dish it but they can't take it
No, it's just mean people, period. I was born and lived in NJ until I married and moved away - but I would have rather stayed. People are always "shocked" I hail from there, as if Jersey folks are all mean. They're not, as a whole.
Load More Replies... We had a huge Italian and Greek immigration influx in my country in the 50s and 60s and it completely changed the food and coffee culture, which was a great thing. But the original immigrants great and great-great grandchildren still identify as Greek and Italian first, and Australian second. Similar to this story. In world sporting events where the two countries are playing each other, they’ll barrack for their ancestors team for example. And like this story, very few of them speak their ancestors language. I don’t judge, but it does make me curious as to the reasons why. A lot of them have never even visited Italy or Greece, as there are no longer living relatives there.
I remember this when I still lived in Aussie. The Dutch for example would have clubs specially for the Dutch with their food, blablabla. I found it a bit silly and my parents (Dutch) avoided these clubs. I understood a bit of Dutch, the usual "go to bed", "quiet", "come herrrrrrrre" and other things but could hardly speak the lingo.
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Sounds to me like the girlfriend found herself quite a catch - he's smart, he keeps his cool when provoked, and he's hilarious!
Ah, the smell of fragile toxic masculinity melting away...I love it. NTA of course.
I will probably never understand why some US Americans are so vehement about their "heritage", when they are just the great great whatever of someone from xyz. I'm sorry, but no, you are not Italian or whatever. You were born in the US, you speak only American English. You are US American! Nothing more. You've got xyz ancestors. That's it. Hell. I was BORN in Poland and DO SPEAK Polish. I spent every summer there up until I was 17. But I've lived in Germany since I was 3. I went to School here, I married a German, I speak, think and dream in German. My customs and mannerisms are German. My worldview is German. For my part I AM a German, not a Pole. For me it's laughable that people who have never been to a specific country, who don't really know anything about that country and don't even speak the language claim they are from there. They would be a laughing stock if they ever went there and behaved like that
Sheesh. Really, kind of harsh. It's very interesting to learn about your heritage, where your ancestors came from. It's also very significant for people who immigrated to the US to have their children carry on their ancestral traditions. My husband's parents are Greek. They were not born in Greece, but their parents were and they love their heritage; they cook Greek food, sing Greek songs at holidays, we danced Greek dances at our wedding. America is a melting pot. Immigrants, from many countries came over for a "better life" and they brought their traditions. Of course they did. They were then passed down to the next generations. American's (aside from Native American's) relatives all came from somewhere else. I'm from New Jersey, so I'm 100% ugh on these "Italian" families. I've been to Italy a couple times. But please don’t look down on others who are keeping up w familial traditions.
Load More Replies... When someone says they tell it like it is, you can be sure that if you do the same to them they will take the greatest offence!
Third and fourth generation immigrants use their Italian heritage as a lifestyle opposed to a culture. It’s just some elitist bull c**p.
If you have ancestors who lived in Italy, THEY are Italian. If you were born in the USA, you're American. All the fake Italian-American and Irish-American c**p is ridiculous. Most of them haven't even been to the country they're claiming to be part of, can't speak the language, and know nothing about the culture of the place. It's a pet peeve of mine.
Saying that you are of Italian/Irish/whatever heritage is saying that you are a cobbler because your great-grandfather was a cobbler.
These guys sound like they've watched too many mafia films or Jersey Shore episodes. This was satisfying to read.
i married into an italian family that had great pride in their heritage. grandpa was from italy while grandma, fil, mil were italian americans. i, on the other hand, had a few strikes against me from the start: not italian, older than my hubby, divorced w/a child and...jewish. thankfully, mil was so warm & inviting so fil just followed suit. ended up loving them very much as well as grandpa and grandma. but, there were times when my hubby drove me nuts with his 'if it's not italian it's c**p' attitude. i grew to love the culture even though i didn't fit in as an independent outspoken woman. other than myself there was only one other non italian in the family, an aunt who was polish.
Or rather there was only one Italian in the family. The rest were of Italian heritage 😉
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Lol they're not Italians. And boyfriend's response was epic. Pretty sure assholes didn't expect something like that.
In the US, some take an inordinate amount of pride in their ethnic background—to the point that it becomes their identity—even though they literally have no connection to that culture (don't speak the language, have never been to the country). While there's absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating your ethnic background, it shouldn't be used as an excuse for poor behavior.
It's easier piggybacking on some ancestor who's been dead a hundred years than making a personality of your own, and if that ancestry comes with stereotypes that excuse bad behavior (and they all do--being a jerk knows no borders) then so much the better.
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So the men in her family are loud, tell it like it is… dish it out but can’t take it snowflakes? Lol
I'm half Italian but I don't really have a strong connection to my italian heritage (My Mum and Dad got divorced and I haven't seen him since I'm five, have only been to Italy twice in my whole life). I speak a little Italian, since I studied it in school for three years, but with little motivation, so by far not fluent. I only ever use my heritage when someone tries to tell me how to eat my food. Yes, I know that spaghetti and meatballs or pizza hawaii cause controversy, but ~I~ like it, so don't try to tell me what I'm allowed to eat. I don't interfere with your food choices, so leave mine alone. Also, I share some of my character traits (talkative, headstrong, emotional, sometimes a bit snappy) that people tend to attribute to my Italian heritage with my mum... Who's not Italian. So stop putting labels on people or use your heritage as an excuse for your behaviour - being rude/macho is not because of your genes, it's because of how YOU in this very moment choose to behave.
Never understood the desire to grasp at being something you aren’t, nor the bizarre patriotic fervour that the U.S. embraces. I’m proud of my family and who we are but it’s not defined by where our forefathers (and mothers) came from. If you are born in a country and hold a passport or are documented as being from there then that (with a few exceptions, military children, children whose parents were or are abroad with work etc) is where you are from, you are American with Italian, Irish, German whatever roots. You don’t magically gain dual nationality. Be proud of your nation and what you bring to it but drop the whole split nationality thing eh? PS the ‘we are xyz because of our history’ is b******t, it’s an excuse for poor behaviour.
NO! NO! NO! You are NTA. If being of Italian stock is truly important, they would learn the language. If only to show they are not DUMB Americans. The rest of the world sees the people.of the USA as dumb because "we" expect the world to learn English, while we don't need to learn a second language. If the men in this family are truly macho, then they need to learn how to read, write, and speak Italian. Real macho men are afraid of nothing.
I started reading your post with an Italian accent :)
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HA ha....Well I doubt if this family can walk the walk when they cannot even talk the talk!
My dad was not a stupid person, but you could be forgiven for thinking he was. He always thought of himself as Italian because he had one grandmother who immigrated from Sicily. Meanwhile he had English, German and Swedish heritage that he didn't give a c**p about. For a while he was obsessed with Paris and took several trips to France. I asked him why he didn't go to Italy and he said, "I grew up in Brooklyn, I've seen Italy." (One of his stupider comments.) Then he took a DNA test and boy, was he mad when he came up 0% Italian! I told him, "You were never Italian, you were Sicilian! And barely that." He did come up as partly Iberian, which makes some sense; almost every country in the Mediterranean had a piece of Sicily at one time or another. I always call myself American because there are few other places where you can end up English/German/Swedish/Dutch/Scotch -Irish/Sicilian/Ashkenazi Jewish, and I haven't had an ancestor come here since the 1890s. What else would I be?
Shout Out To The Grandfather A Real Italian he knows what's up. Tell The Girlfriend I'm Sorry For Being Honest. Get The Grandfather A Nice Photo from Italy As a Special Gift Just A Suggestion.
I bet grandpa is stoked he can finally talk to someone in Italian instead of conversing in English with his shithead progeny.
Don't blame your ancestry for your a-holery. There, that's the headline.
you did not disrespect in any way, the grandfather made that very clear, I'm from a latin heritage as well and understand what those guys were talking about but the grandfather settled it. They had no resewn to come at you like that and all you simply did was school them and let them know where you were coming from...kudos to you my fellow panda kudos...
Hey, these guys can't help what their cultural heritage is. OP clearly stated they were from New Jersey.
Ah yes, the good old "i tell it like i see it". What that actually means us youre an a*****e and dont give a f**k about anyone else. Having a mouth brain filter us not a bad thing, knowing when to shut up is one if the most underrated and important skills in human society. You can just tell everyone exactly what you think, but then dont be surprised when everyone treats you like an idiot because its obvious you have no social intelligence and are basically showing all your cards, stupidly thinking that somehow youre too good to lose even then. And well, thats what happened here, they got eloquently exposed as morons.
I wouldnt' give them a hard time about not speaking the language. Likely their parents were prejudiced against if they spoke it in public as children, so didn't teach their own kids. It's not as easy to learn languages as an adult, especially without living in the country, as OP had the privilege to do. Perhaps he could offer to teach them, in a nice, not "look how smart I am" way. Build a bridge, not a wall.
When someone starts by giving you a hard time because “we’re Italian” but they don’t speak the language, they’ve shown that they care more about the theoretical latitude being a certain nationality gives vs truly valuing that heritage. A bridge needs to be built from both sides in order to meet in the middle.
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Why do Americans work so hard saying about how proud they are to be American and then pretend to be a different nationality based on relatives from the distant past and a heritage they have never actually known? If they trace their lineage back further enough then everybody evolved from Africa, but they don't say that.
Call 'em "pazzo" every time they bring it up, and in three weeks, you'll all be best friends.
I am a first generation Sicilian American. I am fiercely proud of both of my homelands and heritages. I think people are leaving out an important factor; that the family is / resides in NJ. It is well known that NY / NJ residents have an edge to them. What can be construed as joking to one can be interpreted as an insult to others. In today's world it was likely in poor taste that the family bantered about leading to laughter at the boyfriend's expense. There is typically an unwritten period of testing and prodding that may ensue during initial meetings. Simply to see how one would react and, to a lessor extent, establishing a foundation for a social pecking order. As is the case in many cultures, the wisdom of the elders was correct.
(2) I speak English, Sicilian dialect and Spanish fluently. And to a lessor extent, proper Italian. I have been to Sicily, greater Italy, NY, and NJ plethora of times each. I have relatives in all those locations. Many ppl do not understand that there is a marked difference between most of mainland Italians and Sicilians, Neapolitans, Sardinians etc in the south of Italy. Sicilians and Neapolitans in particular are given a black eye by mob activities. This is foolish and stereotypical. It is like saying all Americans are robbers because of Bonnie & Clyde or old time western train / bank robbers. Northern Italians look down on southerners & are often arrogant about their culture. Sicilians are largely cordial & down to earth.
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I liked the part where they tried putting him down for being in IT. Lots of IT people I worked with were far from being nerds. One guy had a Bronze Star from Vietnam. Lots of ex-military in IT. People gotta remember that IT geeks run the world.
Most people who call themselves Italian are far removed from the country and native Italians. From what I saw decades ago people attempted to keep up the language.
Sounds like a movie situation. LOL. Thumbs up to the grandfather. At the next dinner dont loose your cool and use your income or education to put folks in their place. Be Polite and use sense.
Over the long term, LW will benefit from standing up for himself with these guys.
"We tell it like it is!" is the way jerks justify being assholes but are too scared to actually admit it.
Lacrosse is like Jai-alai only slightly less deadly. Much more macho than football. Football is just sweaty a*s grabbing among closet cases. As for that family, anyone who has more finesse than a family of asses is not an a*s. They needed to be shown. (PS--what if I am talking about a*s as in donkey? Pretty stupid to censor that, robot. PPS--Wow, not censored. Pretty smart, robot.)
A hallmark of Americans (and I am American) is that we cling to our ancestry very tightly. You ask and American "what are you?" and you will get "Well, I'm 55% Scottish, 20% Irish, 10% Italian, 5% German, 5% Taiwanese, 3% Greek, 2% Nigerian." We will celebrate every one of those cultures in equal measure.
This story is missing the details that would make it great: what did he say in Italian that grandpa found so funny? Was it actually funny or was he just amused that this boy spoke Italian and they couldn't?
My parents are Italian and I speak it very well but I don't call myself Italian because I'm English, Italians laugh at the Americans who call themselves Italians.
Please try to understand that Americans are sufficiently intelligent to know that technically they are Americans and not Irish, Italians, or Greeks. We call ourselves those labels as a fun social exercise of sorts pointing out our unique contribution to the big melting pot that is America. People that grow up in Italian homes in America, for example, have a good insight into the heart and soul of true Italians from Italy. So, please calm down. We are just having fun with it.
Load More Replies... Italian here. I think that the whole concept of "being macho, bold, outspoken, telling it like it is, etc" is still present in our culture, but much less than what you'd expect. It's movies that perpetrate this stereotype. Yes, It's common, within your circle of friend, to mock your fellas but 1- it's never so harsh to the point of becoming bullying and 2- it's never a one way street, it's always reciprocal. That being said, I've always found a little cringy how some Italian-Americans are so unapologetically proud of their heritage. I'm like ok, calm your tits out, Italian people are not like that. Being fanatically patriotic is rare and considered weird (a little fascist, to be honest). It might be rooted to our history of division, Italy is a relatively young Country. I guess we are more fond and proud of our city or region. It's called "campanilismo" , thinking your city is better than everyone else, like Milan is so much better than Rome, or "I'm proud to be Sicilian" and such.
Anyone who uses the "oh it's the italian in me", or the "I'm just a typical firey red-head" and other similar excuses, is doing just that. Looking for ways to excuse their poor behaviour.
Load More Replies... This isn't the Italian coming through, it's the New Jersey coming through. Poor babies can dish it but they can't take it
No, it's just mean people, period. I was born and lived in NJ until I married and moved away - but I would have rather stayed. People are always "shocked" I hail from there, as if Jersey folks are all mean. They're not, as a whole.
Load More Replies... We had a huge Italian and Greek immigration influx in my country in the 50s and 60s and it completely changed the food and coffee culture, which was a great thing. But the original immigrants great and great-great grandchildren still identify as Greek and Italian first, and Australian second. Similar to this story. In world sporting events where the two countries are playing each other, they’ll barrack for their ancestors team for example. And like this story, very few of them speak their ancestors language. I don’t judge, but it does make me curious as to the reasons why. A lot of them have never even visited Italy or Greece, as there are no longer living relatives there.
I remember this when I still lived in Aussie. The Dutch for example would have clubs specially for the Dutch with their food, blablabla. I found it a bit silly and my parents (Dutch) avoided these clubs. I understood a bit of Dutch, the usual "go to bed", "quiet", "come herrrrrrrre" and other things but could hardly speak the lingo.
Load More Replies... Sounds to me like the girlfriend found herself quite a catch - he's smart, he keeps his cool when provoked, and he's hilarious!
Ah, the smell of fragile toxic masculinity melting away...I love it. NTA of course.
I will probably never understand why some US Americans are so vehement about their "heritage", when they are just the great great whatever of someone from xyz. I'm sorry, but no, you are not Italian or whatever. You were born in the US, you speak only American English. You are US American! Nothing more. You've got xyz ancestors. That's it. Hell. I was BORN in Poland and DO SPEAK Polish. I spent every summer there up until I was 17. But I've lived in Germany since I was 3. I went to School here, I married a German, I speak, think and dream in German. My customs and mannerisms are German. My worldview is German. For my part I AM a German, not a Pole. For me it's laughable that people who have never been to a specific country, who don't really know anything about that country and don't even speak the language claim they are from there. They would be a laughing stock if they ever went there and behaved like that
Sheesh. Really, kind of harsh. It's very interesting to learn about your heritage, where your ancestors came from. It's also very significant for people who immigrated to the US to have their children carry on their ancestral traditions. My husband's parents are Greek. They were not born in Greece, but their parents were and they love their heritage; they cook Greek food, sing Greek songs at holidays, we danced Greek dances at our wedding. America is a melting pot. Immigrants, from many countries came over for a "better life" and they brought their traditions. Of course they did. They were then passed down to the next generations. American's (aside from Native American's) relatives all came from somewhere else. I'm from New Jersey, so I'm 100% ugh on these "Italian" families. I've been to Italy a couple times. But please don’t look down on others who are keeping up w familial traditions.
Load More Replies... When someone says they tell it like it is, you can be sure that if you do the same to them they will take the greatest offence!
Third and fourth generation immigrants use their Italian heritage as a lifestyle opposed to a culture. It’s just some elitist bull c**p.
If you have ancestors who lived in Italy, THEY are Italian. If you were born in the USA, you're American. All the fake Italian-American and Irish-American c**p is ridiculous. Most of them haven't even been to the country they're claiming to be part of, can't speak the language, and know nothing about the culture of the place. It's a pet peeve of mine.
Saying that you are of Italian/Irish/whatever heritage is saying that you are a cobbler because your great-grandfather was a cobbler.
These guys sound like they've watched too many mafia films or Jersey Shore episodes. This was satisfying to read.
i married into an italian family that had great pride in their heritage. grandpa was from italy while grandma, fil, mil were italian americans. i, on the other hand, had a few strikes against me from the start: not italian, older than my hubby, divorced w/a child and...jewish. thankfully, mil was so warm & inviting so fil just followed suit. ended up loving them very much as well as grandpa and grandma. but, there were times when my hubby drove me nuts with his 'if it's not italian it's c**p' attitude. i grew to love the culture even though i didn't fit in as an independent outspoken woman. other than myself there was only one other non italian in the family, an aunt who was polish.
Or rather there was only one Italian in the family. The rest were of Italian heritage 😉
Load More Replies... Lol they're not Italians. And boyfriend's response was epic. Pretty sure assholes didn't expect something like that.
In the US, some take an inordinate amount of pride in their ethnic background—to the point that it becomes their identity—even though they literally have no connection to that culture (don't speak the language, have never been to the country). While there's absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating your ethnic background, it shouldn't be used as an excuse for poor behavior.
It's easier piggybacking on some ancestor who's been dead a hundred years than making a personality of your own, and if that ancestry comes with stereotypes that excuse bad behavior (and they all do--being a jerk knows no borders) then so much the better.
Load More Replies... So the men in her family are loud, tell it like it is… dish it out but can’t take it snowflakes? Lol
I'm half Italian but I don't really have a strong connection to my italian heritage (My Mum and Dad got divorced and I haven't seen him since I'm five, have only been to Italy twice in my whole life). I speak a little Italian, since I studied it in school for three years, but with little motivation, so by far not fluent. I only ever use my heritage when someone tries to tell me how to eat my food. Yes, I know that spaghetti and meatballs or pizza hawaii cause controversy, but ~I~ like it, so don't try to tell me what I'm allowed to eat. I don't interfere with your food choices, so leave mine alone. Also, I share some of my character traits (talkative, headstrong, emotional, sometimes a bit snappy) that people tend to attribute to my Italian heritage with my mum... Who's not Italian. So stop putting labels on people or use your heritage as an excuse for your behaviour - being rude/macho is not because of your genes, it's because of how YOU in this very moment choose to behave.
Never understood the desire to grasp at being something you aren’t, nor the bizarre patriotic fervour that the U.S. embraces. I’m proud of my family and who we are but it’s not defined by where our forefathers (and mothers) came from. If you are born in a country and hold a passport or are documented as being from there then that (with a few exceptions, military children, children whose parents were or are abroad with work etc) is where you are from, you are American with Italian, Irish, German whatever roots. You don’t magically gain dual nationality. Be proud of your nation and what you bring to it but drop the whole split nationality thing eh? PS the ‘we are xyz because of our history’ is b******t, it’s an excuse for poor behaviour.
NO! NO! NO! You are NTA. If being of Italian stock is truly important, they would learn the language. If only to show they are not DUMB Americans. The rest of the world sees the people.of the USA as dumb because "we" expect the world to learn English, while we don't need to learn a second language. If the men in this family are truly macho, then they need to learn how to read, write, and speak Italian. Real macho men are afraid of nothing.
I started reading your post with an Italian accent :)
Load More Replies... HA ha....Well I doubt if this family can walk the walk when they cannot even talk the talk!
My dad was not a stupid person, but you could be forgiven for thinking he was. He always thought of himself as Italian because he had one grandmother who immigrated from Sicily. Meanwhile he had English, German and Swedish heritage that he didn't give a c**p about. For a while he was obsessed with Paris and took several trips to France. I asked him why he didn't go to Italy and he said, "I grew up in Brooklyn, I've seen Italy." (One of his stupider comments.) Then he took a DNA test and boy, was he mad when he came up 0% Italian! I told him, "You were never Italian, you were Sicilian! And barely that." He did come up as partly Iberian, which makes some sense; almost every country in the Mediterranean had a piece of Sicily at one time or another. I always call myself American because there are few other places where you can end up English/German/Swedish/Dutch/Scotch -Irish/Sicilian/Ashkenazi Jewish, and I haven't had an ancestor come here since the 1890s. What else would I be?
Shout Out To The Grandfather A Real Italian he knows what's up. Tell The Girlfriend I'm Sorry For Being Honest. Get The Grandfather A Nice Photo from Italy As a Special Gift Just A Suggestion.
I bet grandpa is stoked he can finally talk to someone in Italian instead of conversing in English with his shithead progeny.
Don't blame your ancestry for your a-holery. There, that's the headline.
you did not disrespect in any way, the grandfather made that very clear, I'm from a latin heritage as well and understand what those guys were talking about but the grandfather settled it. They had no resewn to come at you like that and all you simply did was school them and let them know where you were coming from...kudos to you my fellow panda kudos...
Hey, these guys can't help what their cultural heritage is. OP clearly stated they were from New Jersey.
Ah yes, the good old "i tell it like i see it". What that actually means us youre an a*****e and dont give a f**k about anyone else. Having a mouth brain filter us not a bad thing, knowing when to shut up is one if the most underrated and important skills in human society. You can just tell everyone exactly what you think, but then dont be surprised when everyone treats you like an idiot because its obvious you have no social intelligence and are basically showing all your cards, stupidly thinking that somehow youre too good to lose even then. And well, thats what happened here, they got eloquently exposed as morons.
I wouldnt' give them a hard time about not speaking the language. Likely their parents were prejudiced against if they spoke it in public as children, so didn't teach their own kids. It's not as easy to learn languages as an adult, especially without living in the country, as OP had the privilege to do. Perhaps he could offer to teach them, in a nice, not "look how smart I am" way. Build a bridge, not a wall.
When someone starts by giving you a hard time because “we’re Italian” but they don’t speak the language, they’ve shown that they care more about the theoretical latitude being a certain nationality gives vs truly valuing that heritage. A bridge needs to be built from both sides in order to meet in the middle.
Load More Replies... Why do Americans work so hard saying about how proud they are to be American and then pretend to be a different nationality based on relatives from the distant past and a heritage they have never actually known? If they trace their lineage back further enough then everybody evolved from Africa, but they don't say that.
Call 'em "pazzo" every time they bring it up, and in three weeks, you'll all be best friends.
I am a first generation Sicilian American. I am fiercely proud of both of my homelands and heritages. I think people are leaving out an important factor; that the family is / resides in NJ. It is well known that NY / NJ residents have an edge to them. What can be construed as joking to one can be interpreted as an insult to others. In today's world it was likely in poor taste that the family bantered about leading to laughter at the boyfriend's expense. There is typically an unwritten period of testing and prodding that may ensue during initial meetings. Simply to see how one would react and, to a lessor extent, establishing a foundation for a social pecking order. As is the case in many cultures, the wisdom of the elders was correct.
(2) I speak English, Sicilian dialect and Spanish fluently. And to a lessor extent, proper Italian. I have been to Sicily, greater Italy, NY, and NJ plethora of times each. I have relatives in all those locations. Many ppl do not understand that there is a marked difference between most of mainland Italians and Sicilians, Neapolitans, Sardinians etc in the south of Italy. Sicilians and Neapolitans in particular are given a black eye by mob activities. This is foolish and stereotypical. It is like saying all Americans are robbers because of Bonnie & Clyde or old time western train / bank robbers. Northern Italians look down on southerners & are often arrogant about their culture. Sicilians are largely cordial & down to earth.
Load More Replies... I liked the part where they tried putting him down for being in IT. Lots of IT people I worked with were far from being nerds. One guy had a Bronze Star from Vietnam. Lots of ex-military in IT. People gotta remember that IT geeks run the world.
Most people who call themselves Italian are far removed from the country and native Italians. From what I saw decades ago people attempted to keep up the language.
Sounds like a movie situation. LOL. Thumbs up to the grandfather. At the next dinner dont loose your cool and use your income or education to put folks in their place. Be Polite and use sense.
Over the long term, LW will benefit from standing up for himself with these guys.
"We tell it like it is!" is the way jerks justify being assholes but are too scared to actually admit it.
Lacrosse is like Jai-alai only slightly less deadly. Much more macho than football. Football is just sweaty a*s grabbing among closet cases. As for that family, anyone who has more finesse than a family of asses is not an a*s. They needed to be shown. (PS--what if I am talking about a*s as in donkey? Pretty stupid to censor that, robot. PPS--Wow, not censored. Pretty smart, robot.)
A hallmark of Americans (and I am American) is that we cling to our ancestry very tightly. You ask and American "what are you?" and you will get "Well, I'm 55% Scottish, 20% Irish, 10% Italian, 5% German, 5% Taiwanese, 3% Greek, 2% Nigerian." We will celebrate every one of those cultures in equal measure.
This story is missing the details that would make it great: what did he say in Italian that grandpa found so funny? Was it actually funny or was he just amused that this boy spoke Italian and they couldn't?
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