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Guy Publicly Shames Wife’s Friend For Being Rude To A Waitress, Asks Online If He Went Too Far
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Guy Publicly Shames Wife’s Friend For Being Rude To A Waitress, Asks Online If He Went Too Far

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Never be mean to restaurant staff. Why would you want to in the first place? But also, keep in mind that a lot of things can happen as a result of one’s poor decisions at a culinary establishment.

Besides getting some more or less instant karma from the employees themselves in the form of snot in your soup or the like, there’s also a chance of getting a verbal uppercut from a friend who decided not to deal with your bullpies. This is the story of the latter.

One person recently asked the internet if he was wrong to publicly call out his wife’s friend who was being just plain rude to a waitress. Some in this story didn’t find it all that amusing, but the internet sure as heck had the guy’s back here.

More Info: Reddit

Never be mean to restaurant staff. Or else you may end up getting a verbal uppercut from a friend

Image credits: Ralf Steinberger

Reddit user u/ZealousPapaya came to the Am I The A-Hole community with a story of how he had enough of his wife’s friend’s arrogance and meanness towards this one waitress and called it out.

You see, there was this festival—a jubilee parade with a rodeo, downtown parties and music. For this reason, all of the bars, restaurants and other joints were naturally packed with people.

Despite all of the crowds, the Redditor, his wife and his wife’s friend, who had a history of being prone to outbursts of anger, decided to go dine.

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This Redditor shared how he called out his wife’s friend for being mean to a waitress, asking if he was wrong to do so

Image credits: u/ZealousPapaya

However, it didn’t take long for the friend to start acting out: first because nobody seated them immediately after coming in, then taking 10 minutes to get a drink order in, and then after getting their food 20 minutes after ordering, despite the spot being packed to the brim.

And this wasn’t all. Criticism kept on coming throughout the whole time they were there. When it came time to pay the bill, the original poster (OP) decided to leave a tip—one in line with the parade’s tradition of leaving a bigger tip. But the wife’s friend wasn’t happy about it.

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Image credits: u/ZealousPapaya

After a snarky “why are you tipping at all for such s@#t service?”, with the waitress standing nearby and all, OP had enough and called it out right there, right then: “[…] telling her she needs to stop acting like a child, and expecting everyone to treat her like the center of attention.”

Needless to say, she didn’t take it well, and even later that night the Redditor’s wife approached him, saying he shouldn’t have called her out publicly like he did, despite her being obnoxious.

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Image credits: u/ZealousPapaya

But the internet wasn’t having any of it. Reddit immediately ruled who was the good and the bad guy in this situation, saying that if she didn’t want to be called out publicly, she shouldn’t have criticized anyone publicly. Besides, that was just plain mean.

The post received modest attention in the form of upvotes, of which there were nearly 4,000, and almost 20 Reddit awards, with people getting engaged with the situation and commenting. The story was also covered on a number of online news sites.

AITA’s democratic powers determined that he was, in fact, not wrong in doing so as explained in the comments

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You can check out everything in the original Reddit post here, but before you go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on the situation in the comment section below!

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lunanik avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first comment in the article is spot on. If you don't want to be called out publicly, don't act like a jerk in public.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another comment mentioned that sometimes it takes a public shaming fir it to finally. sink in. Maybe we need to step up publicly calling out assholes. The key is to do it without cussing, shouting, or screaming—-but calmly, firmly, and sternly, yet in a voice loud enough to be very clearly and succinctly heard.

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valisbourne avatar
Valisbourne Spiritforge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The woman had already embarrassed herself plenty, she just didn't know it.

lillywhite120 avatar
Alexis Draskinis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

2 things here that irk me: 1: why is it ok to humiliate the server in public & not the friend? Especially since the friend cab avoid the place afterwards. Server still has to work there after that, with the other employees & customers that watched this happen... 2: if this girl had ever actually worked in food service, she would never treat another server this way. The majority of us (servers & former ones in my experience) are usually too nice & understanding over bad or semi-decent service b/c we've been there, had the bad day & still worked, been crazy busy, just not on our game that day, etc. We actually think about the many reasons it couldve ended up that way. S**t, if anything we overthink about reasons just to still feel ok with leaving a decent tip.

bcgrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The woman sounds like she needs a psych workup . Some mental illness come on in early adulthood, and this woman's recent changes in behavior and attitude sound suspicious...

cheryl-zandt avatar
Warrior Mama
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was thinking exactly the same thing - her behavior was not ok obviously, but if it's a lot different than how she used to be she should get checked out.

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emorygriffis avatar
Emory Griffis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being called out and given a dose of her own medicine was just what this hateful individual needed; hopefully, it adjusted her snide attitude and reminded her she is no better than anyone else.

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its time for your wife to find a new friend. Let's look at how toxic this person is becoming and your wife needs a wake up call to hold the person accountable to shape up or the friendship cannot continue. Husband time to have a talk with her.

franzi_nielsen avatar
Franziska
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope you're not the a**hole here, your wifes friend is. And 20 minutes really isn't a long wait, not even for a nearly empty restaurant

rkellenbecker avatar
Rebecca Davis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA. The waitress can't bring the drinks intro the bartender makes them. Taking a long time to bring them was likely not her fault. If the obnoxious patron worked in food service she should know that, but I don't believe she did because once you do, you NEVER treat food servers like that!

lcaputony avatar
Ella Blackwood
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's humiliated? Now she know's how the waitstaff feels. Maybe next time she'll think twice before acting like such a spoiled brat.

marshafredell avatar
Lovin' Life
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was a server at a greasy spoon restaurant for 22 years. The money was great; the customers for the most part were very kind and generous. I loved my job. But...... There is always those few who are so rude and unhappy in their own lives that take the enjoyment out of it. The vulgar comments, the nasty comments, the touchy feely, the gestures... at around the 21 year mark, I was fed up. I got to the point that when someone ask why it's taking so long... after repeated attempts to let them know that we're swapped and doing all we can to get their meals to them ..... I started simply replied with, " Honey, This is not a fast food restaurant but if you're in a hurry there are some one exit up " I wasnt mean about. Calm and friendly. But nothing ever changed so I knew it was time for me to go. I'd had more than my share. My last day, although very unlike me, I was just rude back. I told ine man that it wasnt his turn and then and only then would I bring his meal. Words hurt!

master_minds9 avatar
denzoren
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude you're totally NTA. She can't act like that and just expect everyone to sit back and say nothing about it. That's horrible behavior...and the waitress was right there too. She was being overworked, stressed and on to of that had to deal with being ridiculed. Your reaction was justified. I hope your wife can see the truth in that.

rpder3737 avatar
Felix Feline
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Around 99% of "AITA" questions can be answered with "NTA". You know you did right, so why the need for the validation of strangers?

ckane01 avatar
Catherine Kane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

because he's getting a different opinion from his wife. because lots of people have low self esteem and question their own acts. because a reality check can be a useful thing come on, folks. you say he did a good thing and now you're putting him down for it? sheesh

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jengemignani avatar
Jenn Ryan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In case anyone is wondering, this is why restaurants are struggling to hire people. They get paid s**t wages and get treated like this. NTA. If I was the waitress in this situation, this would have made my day. If I were the customer, I would have called the bitch out publicly also.

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You did exactly the right thing and better than I would have. I would have said to the waitress "I'm sorry that you had to deal with her. I wish I could say that this is a one time thing, but she's a real A&& and you were absolutely perfect." And then left the tip and NEVER gone out with your wife's friend along.

jo_davies2208 avatar
Jo Davies
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked in a bar to pay for my studies, and a few years ago was a manager for a very popular local bar and restaurant. I generally consider myself a good person, but I always tip generously and complement people since this. Too many think that things are like in the movies, always perfect. It is seldom the situation. And people seldom make enough money to do much more than survive.

ldmonteith avatar
Lynne Monteith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You didn't call her out half as much as you were defending the Wait Staff.

lauralou avatar
Laura Lou
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so glad OP spoke up. It's really easy for us to watch something happen and not do anything, but it takes a good person to speak up about it. I'm sure the waitress felt much better!

imbriuminarian avatar
Bunzilla
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, she had it coming. She already embarrassed the husband and wife (and waitstaff) with her snobby behaviour, and embarrassed herself as well. She absolutely needed to be called out on her horrible attitude. Hopefully she'll actually reflect and realize how nasty she was being.

janetwitts avatar
Janet Witts
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have2 grandsons that are in charge of wait staff and they expect the best service possible to be give the patron at the same time they stand up for the wait staff that are doing their best. I also would've called out the grouch.

meinespammailadresse1 avatar
A B C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say Thank You in the name of a random internet stranger to them, please. I've worked in bars for almost a decade, and (in my experience) a boss/supervisor/whateveryouwannacallit standing up for their staff and against paying customers is rare.

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vgbishop421 avatar
Diemond Star
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She got what she asked for. Especially if she worked in the food industry. She should understand that it takes time to seat and serve guests.

danfarish avatar
Dan Farish
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents were negative people who seemed to take pleasure in complaining. The 3 of us ordered a meal at a local restaurant. The first thing my father did was wolf down the free dinner rolls, call the waitress over for another basket, all before our meals were served. When done, both of my parents complained about the food, even though they ate every bit of it, which left the waitress feeling sad. I saw the look on her face, told her my meal was fantastic, and thanked her for the great service. As always, my father walked outside ahead of us in order to avoid leaving a tip, which my mother and I did. Once in the car, I told both of them that if they ever complained and acted rudely at a restaurant in my presence again, it would be the last time I would take them anywhere. It was a quiet ride home, but they did learn to keep their mouths shut the next time we visited a restaurant together.

queenmiri avatar
QueenMiri
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I would have told her to shut her mouth. She is rude, disrespectful and mean. I would have left. If don't waste my time with people like this.

lesburleson avatar
Leslie Burleson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too many people are afraid of rocking the boat . They're too uncomfortable to say something to defend somebody even thought it's the right thing to do . Life is short . There is no excuse for treating anyone badly .

nonotalways avatar
Bryn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like this is what she needed. She needed to be called out publicly. Obviously whatever else people were doing wasn't working.

rachellacow avatar
Rachel Lacow
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is how you KNOW you spend too much time listening to reddit readers on youtube - I read the whole thing and it WAS NOT MY VOICE I heard in my head but a youtuber that goes by XO. It was kind of funny! (And a little unexpected.)

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's an a*s. In a customer service setting you are paying for the experience of feeling like you're the center of attention. That's literally why you are giving them money. He just doesn't like this woman and was looking for a socially-acceptable reason to be mean to her. He's hiding behind the internet always siding with the wait staff to dress this up as something "noble" when he was just being an a*s and indulging his desire to exert himself over her.

edc_82 avatar
Lola
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you throw, you should be able to catch. The public embarrassment is all on her. I cannot stand people who act like her.

mcfly933 avatar
Kim Shannon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First thing....never, ever go out with that woman again. Sounds like she gets off on demeaning people. Secondly, she deserved every bit of embarrassment she felt at the end. That's exactly how she made the server feel, and there is absolutely no reason for that kind of behavior

ocdrobot avatar
OCDRobot
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't stand people who are rude to those serving them. She got what she deserved. I hope the waitress she was being rude to heard it. She was probably too busy, but I really hope she did.

macforme17 avatar
Lindy Mac
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This also belongs in the r/f***youKaren subreddit. The wife needs to examine her logic/ motives for staying friends with such a self-centered witch. What does this "Karen" really bring to the relationship...besides unneeded drama.

toabhishekverma avatar
Floofy Samoyed
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a child, I would never do this so personally I feel offended.

s_vitkovitsky avatar
mrsb4905 avatar
Lindsey Judd-Bruder
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God I feel this guy's pain. My ex best friend changed in the same manner. She went from my second sister, who laughed and rode bikes and watched Boy Meets World with me, to the worst helicopter parent imaginable, a woman with little patience and a vile temper who literally screamed at me, more than once over nothing, or something very minor. She would not discipline her son, and blamed everyone else for their problems. She spun every story so she (or he) was always the victim. Still, I hung on, because we were best friends, the very best of friends, for over 20 years. We grew up together, we had history, we knew stuff about the other that no one else in the world did. And I knew she had mental issues, that she could not control. So I stayed, and took her abuse, much longer than I should have. But when she put me AND my then 5 or 6 year old son in a very dangerous position, I couldn't do it anymore. I had to walk away. I still miss her, but I know I did the right thing.

mrsb4905 avatar
Lindsey Judd-Bruder
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looking back, I don't know if even half the stuff she told me was true. I could never trust her again. And our friendship could never be the same. So, even though it still makes me sad sometimes, I know I did the right thing. Anyway, the moral of my story, is that length of friendship, or even the history you share, is not a good enough reason to stay friends with someone who has become toxic. You don't have to continue to talk to someone who hurts you. Even if you're longtime friends. Even if it's your family. Maybe especially them. NOBODY has the right to hurt you, or make your life miserable. Yeah, it's hard, it hurts like hell. And you'll probably be a little lonely for a while. You might always miss them. But keeping someone like that around, for companionship, or even old times' sake, is NOT worth your mental health. The peace that leaving them behind brings to your life, though, IS worth cutting them off. It's MORE than worth it. I hope OP's wife realizes this, and sooner rather than later. It's not easy to do. But she, and he, WILL be happier in the long run. And for the record, I'm glad he shamed the friend. She needed to be taken down a peg. Although I know she won't learn anything.

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pkasprowski avatar
Patricia Kasprowski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Think he did the right thing. That person, old friend or not, would have ceased to be seen with me in public after such a display of selfish behavior. Do not need that kind per person in my life.

alisa-fender avatar
Honu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to nitpick a little bit. On the whole, I think she was incredibly rude and deserved to be called out for her terrible behavior. However, I think I would've been more specific rather than armchair psychoanalyzing her. More like "I thought her service was good, especially given how busy the restaurant is, so I am tipping. You belittling her loudly and publicly was not called for. It was incredibly rude and I am embarrassed for you." Because he resorted to his deeper personal opinion of her being childish and attention seeking (which seems likely true), that is now part of the issue. It was escalating talking about her public behavior in public to a discussion of her private character in public. I can see why he was angry and completely disgusted with her. However, going straight for a gut punch isn't usually the best way to get someone to think about their behavior. Let her try to defend that behavior. She will fail. Don't debate her psychology.

brettlayton_1 avatar
Brett Layton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I gotta wonder, just how much spit , and other nasty thigns has the friend unknowningly eaten from angering the wait staff? Because this doesnt seem like a one off activity for them.

jjdubsw avatar
jjdubs W
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My issue is not that he made a point in public, but that he did it a nearly identically rude fashion. He should not have called her names. It would have been preferable for him to say something like: I'm tipping her because I could see she was doing her best under difficult circumstances. (No need to name names for this, either.)

beata_blasiak avatar
Delgada
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, what would BoredPanda do, if not for the weekly dose of Reddit content.... :/

lynnnoyes avatar
elfin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think it was the in-public part so much as the shaming, which also hurt your wife's feelings. I think you could have described the situation assertively, perhaps explaining that she had made you uncomfortable and lessened your enjoyment of the meal. That allows you to own the situation without any name-calling.

rowan_mcdonald avatar
Rowan
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, guaranteed the friend did not get clean food or drink. If this friend has worked in the restaurant industry like she says then she would know that people like her do not eat or drink clean.

meinespammailadresse1 avatar
A B C
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know about where you live, but I've been waiting and bartending for 8-9 years, we never had (read: made) "unclean" meals or drinks in the way you indicate, no matter how sh!t the customers were. Our way of retaliation was having them wait even longer, just because. Still, there's truth in the old sayings: never bite the hand that feeds you.

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anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This trend of running to the internet for karma points masked as validation needs to stop.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, YTA, but she deserved it. Like a previous poster said, sometimes toxic people don't realize they're being toxic until they are called out on it. I did the same with a friend who was not only upset that I got married because I chose to spend more time with my husband than her, but was disgusted at the fact that I had a son because she doesn't like kids. She always played the pity party to fish for compliments. When she whined that she didn't know if she should move back home (to the state I was living in) because she didn't have any real friends, I said "enough" and told her off. I've learned to stand up to toxic people since. Sometimes they hear me, sometimes not. But I have no time to waste on them. You did the right thing.

hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, he could have handled it better. Yes she was rude.... but so was he. He could have said, "because she is dealing with difficult people", or mentioned earlier in a low voice that she was being rude, but instead he lost his temper and just insulted her.

sammyanne1_sh avatar
Helen Haley
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Granted, she should've been called out for taking it out on the waitress. But I might be able to give some insight to her overall grumpy demeanor. Small town i'm assuming, so limited dating pool, limited friend pool. Which means when everyone else was pairing up she probably didn't find a significant other. And now everyone she was ever friends with will rarely if ever call her let alone hang out. So she is frustrated that everyone who has ever called her a friend now only sees her as a way to spend time if they have absolutely nothing else to do. She was probably in a bad mood because she couldn't hang with her friend without the husband that clearly dislikes her. There's generally a reason people get that grumpy and bitter. I've seen it happen to too many relatives, and some form of this scenario is usually the reason. When you're single in a couple world you cease to matter.

karenlawyer avatar
Karen Lawyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would agree with you about the couple thing if they were in their 30s, but they're in their early 20s. I do think that you are right about there being a reason for her behavior.

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jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago

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I disagree on this one. There were plenty of options to address the friend's behavior earlier in the evening and just do it gently before things got out of hand. Sounds like the friend has some emotional issues, or maybe is just living in a highly stressed state all the time. If she had been shown some kindness and been reminded to be kinder, maybe the outcome would have been different. I think it's hypocritical to be rude and mean to someone to demonstrate that you shouldn't be rude and mean. Kind of like having the death penalty as a punishment for the wrongness of killing someone.

terileebruyere avatar
Terilee Bruyere
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She called him for tipping an overworked waitress. Sometimes people can only bite their tongues so hard before they either need to speak up for suffer damage. I'm thinking that the husband likely felt it wasn't his place to bring it up as it isn't his friend, and when the wife didn't and the abuse didn't end he finally stuck up for someone who couldn't stick up for themselves.

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yanx2024 avatar
Iʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Wife’s friend is a bitch . But the guy could’ve handled it better than this . Wife should’ve told her friend to stop being obnoxious. EHS

rowan_mcdonald avatar
Rowan
Community Member
2 years ago

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Oh please! This should be titled guy makes up story so he can be hero on internet.

miriamemendelson avatar
Mimi M
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Going off on her in public was a guaranteed no-win, whether she 'deserved it' or not.

stijn_vlas avatar
elStiJneriNO
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

That's just some typical female fragilty. You are so not the asshole

h125429 avatar
lunanik avatar
Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The first comment in the article is spot on. If you don't want to be called out publicly, don't act like a jerk in public.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another comment mentioned that sometimes it takes a public shaming fir it to finally. sink in. Maybe we need to step up publicly calling out assholes. The key is to do it without cussing, shouting, or screaming—-but calmly, firmly, and sternly, yet in a voice loud enough to be very clearly and succinctly heard.

Load More Replies...
valisbourne avatar
Valisbourne Spiritforge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The woman had already embarrassed herself plenty, she just didn't know it.

lillywhite120 avatar
Alexis Draskinis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

2 things here that irk me: 1: why is it ok to humiliate the server in public & not the friend? Especially since the friend cab avoid the place afterwards. Server still has to work there after that, with the other employees & customers that watched this happen... 2: if this girl had ever actually worked in food service, she would never treat another server this way. The majority of us (servers & former ones in my experience) are usually too nice & understanding over bad or semi-decent service b/c we've been there, had the bad day & still worked, been crazy busy, just not on our game that day, etc. We actually think about the many reasons it couldve ended up that way. S**t, if anything we overthink about reasons just to still feel ok with leaving a decent tip.

bcgrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The woman sounds like she needs a psych workup . Some mental illness come on in early adulthood, and this woman's recent changes in behavior and attitude sound suspicious...

cheryl-zandt avatar
Warrior Mama
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was thinking exactly the same thing - her behavior was not ok obviously, but if it's a lot different than how she used to be she should get checked out.

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emorygriffis avatar
Emory Griffis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being called out and given a dose of her own medicine was just what this hateful individual needed; hopefully, it adjusted her snide attitude and reminded her she is no better than anyone else.

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its time for your wife to find a new friend. Let's look at how toxic this person is becoming and your wife needs a wake up call to hold the person accountable to shape up or the friendship cannot continue. Husband time to have a talk with her.

franzi_nielsen avatar
Franziska
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope you're not the a**hole here, your wifes friend is. And 20 minutes really isn't a long wait, not even for a nearly empty restaurant

rkellenbecker avatar
Rebecca Davis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA. The waitress can't bring the drinks intro the bartender makes them. Taking a long time to bring them was likely not her fault. If the obnoxious patron worked in food service she should know that, but I don't believe she did because once you do, you NEVER treat food servers like that!

lcaputony avatar
Ella Blackwood
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's humiliated? Now she know's how the waitstaff feels. Maybe next time she'll think twice before acting like such a spoiled brat.

marshafredell avatar
Lovin' Life
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was a server at a greasy spoon restaurant for 22 years. The money was great; the customers for the most part were very kind and generous. I loved my job. But...... There is always those few who are so rude and unhappy in their own lives that take the enjoyment out of it. The vulgar comments, the nasty comments, the touchy feely, the gestures... at around the 21 year mark, I was fed up. I got to the point that when someone ask why it's taking so long... after repeated attempts to let them know that we're swapped and doing all we can to get their meals to them ..... I started simply replied with, " Honey, This is not a fast food restaurant but if you're in a hurry there are some one exit up " I wasnt mean about. Calm and friendly. But nothing ever changed so I knew it was time for me to go. I'd had more than my share. My last day, although very unlike me, I was just rude back. I told ine man that it wasnt his turn and then and only then would I bring his meal. Words hurt!

master_minds9 avatar
denzoren
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude you're totally NTA. She can't act like that and just expect everyone to sit back and say nothing about it. That's horrible behavior...and the waitress was right there too. She was being overworked, stressed and on to of that had to deal with being ridiculed. Your reaction was justified. I hope your wife can see the truth in that.

rpder3737 avatar
Felix Feline
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Around 99% of "AITA" questions can be answered with "NTA". You know you did right, so why the need for the validation of strangers?

ckane01 avatar
Catherine Kane
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

because he's getting a different opinion from his wife. because lots of people have low self esteem and question their own acts. because a reality check can be a useful thing come on, folks. you say he did a good thing and now you're putting him down for it? sheesh

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jengemignani avatar
Jenn Ryan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In case anyone is wondering, this is why restaurants are struggling to hire people. They get paid s**t wages and get treated like this. NTA. If I was the waitress in this situation, this would have made my day. If I were the customer, I would have called the bitch out publicly also.

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You did exactly the right thing and better than I would have. I would have said to the waitress "I'm sorry that you had to deal with her. I wish I could say that this is a one time thing, but she's a real A&& and you were absolutely perfect." And then left the tip and NEVER gone out with your wife's friend along.

jo_davies2208 avatar
Jo Davies
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked in a bar to pay for my studies, and a few years ago was a manager for a very popular local bar and restaurant. I generally consider myself a good person, but I always tip generously and complement people since this. Too many think that things are like in the movies, always perfect. It is seldom the situation. And people seldom make enough money to do much more than survive.

ldmonteith avatar
Lynne Monteith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You didn't call her out half as much as you were defending the Wait Staff.

lauralou avatar
Laura Lou
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so glad OP spoke up. It's really easy for us to watch something happen and not do anything, but it takes a good person to speak up about it. I'm sure the waitress felt much better!

imbriuminarian avatar
Bunzilla
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, she had it coming. She already embarrassed the husband and wife (and waitstaff) with her snobby behaviour, and embarrassed herself as well. She absolutely needed to be called out on her horrible attitude. Hopefully she'll actually reflect and realize how nasty she was being.

janetwitts avatar
Janet Witts
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have2 grandsons that are in charge of wait staff and they expect the best service possible to be give the patron at the same time they stand up for the wait staff that are doing their best. I also would've called out the grouch.

meinespammailadresse1 avatar
A B C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Say Thank You in the name of a random internet stranger to them, please. I've worked in bars for almost a decade, and (in my experience) a boss/supervisor/whateveryouwannacallit standing up for their staff and against paying customers is rare.

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vgbishop421 avatar
Diemond Star
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She got what she asked for. Especially if she worked in the food industry. She should understand that it takes time to seat and serve guests.

danfarish avatar
Dan Farish
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents were negative people who seemed to take pleasure in complaining. The 3 of us ordered a meal at a local restaurant. The first thing my father did was wolf down the free dinner rolls, call the waitress over for another basket, all before our meals were served. When done, both of my parents complained about the food, even though they ate every bit of it, which left the waitress feeling sad. I saw the look on her face, told her my meal was fantastic, and thanked her for the great service. As always, my father walked outside ahead of us in order to avoid leaving a tip, which my mother and I did. Once in the car, I told both of them that if they ever complained and acted rudely at a restaurant in my presence again, it would be the last time I would take them anywhere. It was a quiet ride home, but they did learn to keep their mouths shut the next time we visited a restaurant together.

queenmiri avatar
QueenMiri
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I would have told her to shut her mouth. She is rude, disrespectful and mean. I would have left. If don't waste my time with people like this.

lesburleson avatar
Leslie Burleson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too many people are afraid of rocking the boat . They're too uncomfortable to say something to defend somebody even thought it's the right thing to do . Life is short . There is no excuse for treating anyone badly .

nonotalways avatar
Bryn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like this is what she needed. She needed to be called out publicly. Obviously whatever else people were doing wasn't working.

rachellacow avatar
Rachel Lacow
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is how you KNOW you spend too much time listening to reddit readers on youtube - I read the whole thing and it WAS NOT MY VOICE I heard in my head but a youtuber that goes by XO. It was kind of funny! (And a little unexpected.)

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's an a*s. In a customer service setting you are paying for the experience of feeling like you're the center of attention. That's literally why you are giving them money. He just doesn't like this woman and was looking for a socially-acceptable reason to be mean to her. He's hiding behind the internet always siding with the wait staff to dress this up as something "noble" when he was just being an a*s and indulging his desire to exert himself over her.

edc_82 avatar
Lola
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you throw, you should be able to catch. The public embarrassment is all on her. I cannot stand people who act like her.

mcfly933 avatar
Kim Shannon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First thing....never, ever go out with that woman again. Sounds like she gets off on demeaning people. Secondly, she deserved every bit of embarrassment she felt at the end. That's exactly how she made the server feel, and there is absolutely no reason for that kind of behavior

ocdrobot avatar
OCDRobot
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't stand people who are rude to those serving them. She got what she deserved. I hope the waitress she was being rude to heard it. She was probably too busy, but I really hope she did.

macforme17 avatar
Lindy Mac
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This also belongs in the r/f***youKaren subreddit. The wife needs to examine her logic/ motives for staying friends with such a self-centered witch. What does this "Karen" really bring to the relationship...besides unneeded drama.

toabhishekverma avatar
Floofy Samoyed
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a child, I would never do this so personally I feel offended.

s_vitkovitsky avatar
mrsb4905 avatar
Lindsey Judd-Bruder
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God I feel this guy's pain. My ex best friend changed in the same manner. She went from my second sister, who laughed and rode bikes and watched Boy Meets World with me, to the worst helicopter parent imaginable, a woman with little patience and a vile temper who literally screamed at me, more than once over nothing, or something very minor. She would not discipline her son, and blamed everyone else for their problems. She spun every story so she (or he) was always the victim. Still, I hung on, because we were best friends, the very best of friends, for over 20 years. We grew up together, we had history, we knew stuff about the other that no one else in the world did. And I knew she had mental issues, that she could not control. So I stayed, and took her abuse, much longer than I should have. But when she put me AND my then 5 or 6 year old son in a very dangerous position, I couldn't do it anymore. I had to walk away. I still miss her, but I know I did the right thing.

mrsb4905 avatar
Lindsey Judd-Bruder
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looking back, I don't know if even half the stuff she told me was true. I could never trust her again. And our friendship could never be the same. So, even though it still makes me sad sometimes, I know I did the right thing. Anyway, the moral of my story, is that length of friendship, or even the history you share, is not a good enough reason to stay friends with someone who has become toxic. You don't have to continue to talk to someone who hurts you. Even if you're longtime friends. Even if it's your family. Maybe especially them. NOBODY has the right to hurt you, or make your life miserable. Yeah, it's hard, it hurts like hell. And you'll probably be a little lonely for a while. You might always miss them. But keeping someone like that around, for companionship, or even old times' sake, is NOT worth your mental health. The peace that leaving them behind brings to your life, though, IS worth cutting them off. It's MORE than worth it. I hope OP's wife realizes this, and sooner rather than later. It's not easy to do. But she, and he, WILL be happier in the long run. And for the record, I'm glad he shamed the friend. She needed to be taken down a peg. Although I know she won't learn anything.

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pkasprowski avatar
Patricia Kasprowski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Think he did the right thing. That person, old friend or not, would have ceased to be seen with me in public after such a display of selfish behavior. Do not need that kind per person in my life.

alisa-fender avatar
Honu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to nitpick a little bit. On the whole, I think she was incredibly rude and deserved to be called out for her terrible behavior. However, I think I would've been more specific rather than armchair psychoanalyzing her. More like "I thought her service was good, especially given how busy the restaurant is, so I am tipping. You belittling her loudly and publicly was not called for. It was incredibly rude and I am embarrassed for you." Because he resorted to his deeper personal opinion of her being childish and attention seeking (which seems likely true), that is now part of the issue. It was escalating talking about her public behavior in public to a discussion of her private character in public. I can see why he was angry and completely disgusted with her. However, going straight for a gut punch isn't usually the best way to get someone to think about their behavior. Let her try to defend that behavior. She will fail. Don't debate her psychology.

brettlayton_1 avatar
Brett Layton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I gotta wonder, just how much spit , and other nasty thigns has the friend unknowningly eaten from angering the wait staff? Because this doesnt seem like a one off activity for them.

jjdubsw avatar
jjdubs W
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My issue is not that he made a point in public, but that he did it a nearly identically rude fashion. He should not have called her names. It would have been preferable for him to say something like: I'm tipping her because I could see she was doing her best under difficult circumstances. (No need to name names for this, either.)

beata_blasiak avatar
Delgada
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, what would BoredPanda do, if not for the weekly dose of Reddit content.... :/

lynnnoyes avatar
elfin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think it was the in-public part so much as the shaming, which also hurt your wife's feelings. I think you could have described the situation assertively, perhaps explaining that she had made you uncomfortable and lessened your enjoyment of the meal. That allows you to own the situation without any name-calling.

rowan_mcdonald avatar
Rowan
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

benicia_99 avatar
Azure Adams
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, guaranteed the friend did not get clean food or drink. If this friend has worked in the restaurant industry like she says then she would know that people like her do not eat or drink clean.

meinespammailadresse1 avatar
A B C
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know about where you live, but I've been waiting and bartending for 8-9 years, we never had (read: made) "unclean" meals or drinks in the way you indicate, no matter how sh!t the customers were. Our way of retaliation was having them wait even longer, just because. Still, there's truth in the old sayings: never bite the hand that feeds you.

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anneking68 avatar
StrawberryParfait
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This trend of running to the internet for karma points masked as validation needs to stop.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, YTA, but she deserved it. Like a previous poster said, sometimes toxic people don't realize they're being toxic until they are called out on it. I did the same with a friend who was not only upset that I got married because I chose to spend more time with my husband than her, but was disgusted at the fact that I had a son because she doesn't like kids. She always played the pity party to fish for compliments. When she whined that she didn't know if she should move back home (to the state I was living in) because she didn't have any real friends, I said "enough" and told her off. I've learned to stand up to toxic people since. Sometimes they hear me, sometimes not. But I have no time to waste on them. You did the right thing.

hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, he could have handled it better. Yes she was rude.... but so was he. He could have said, "because she is dealing with difficult people", or mentioned earlier in a low voice that she was being rude, but instead he lost his temper and just insulted her.

sammyanne1_sh avatar
Helen Haley
Community Member
2 years ago

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Granted, she should've been called out for taking it out on the waitress. But I might be able to give some insight to her overall grumpy demeanor. Small town i'm assuming, so limited dating pool, limited friend pool. Which means when everyone else was pairing up she probably didn't find a significant other. And now everyone she was ever friends with will rarely if ever call her let alone hang out. So she is frustrated that everyone who has ever called her a friend now only sees her as a way to spend time if they have absolutely nothing else to do. She was probably in a bad mood because she couldn't hang with her friend without the husband that clearly dislikes her. There's generally a reason people get that grumpy and bitter. I've seen it happen to too many relatives, and some form of this scenario is usually the reason. When you're single in a couple world you cease to matter.

karenlawyer avatar
Karen Lawyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would agree with you about the couple thing if they were in their 30s, but they're in their early 20s. I do think that you are right about there being a reason for her behavior.

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jmchoto avatar
Jo Choto
Community Member
2 years ago

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I disagree on this one. There were plenty of options to address the friend's behavior earlier in the evening and just do it gently before things got out of hand. Sounds like the friend has some emotional issues, or maybe is just living in a highly stressed state all the time. If she had been shown some kindness and been reminded to be kinder, maybe the outcome would have been different. I think it's hypocritical to be rude and mean to someone to demonstrate that you shouldn't be rude and mean. Kind of like having the death penalty as a punishment for the wrongness of killing someone.

terileebruyere avatar
Terilee Bruyere
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She called him for tipping an overworked waitress. Sometimes people can only bite their tongues so hard before they either need to speak up for suffer damage. I'm thinking that the husband likely felt it wasn't his place to bring it up as it isn't his friend, and when the wife didn't and the abuse didn't end he finally stuck up for someone who couldn't stick up for themselves.

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yanx2024 avatar
Iʕ •ᴥ•ʔ
Community Member
2 years ago

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Wife’s friend is a bitch . But the guy could’ve handled it better than this . Wife should’ve told her friend to stop being obnoxious. EHS

rowan_mcdonald avatar
Rowan
Community Member
2 years ago

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Oh please! This should be titled guy makes up story so he can be hero on internet.

miriamemendelson avatar
Mimi M
Community Member
2 years ago

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Two wrongs don't make a right. Going off on her in public was a guaranteed no-win, whether she 'deserved it' or not.

stijn_vlas avatar
elStiJneriNO
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

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That's just some typical female fragilty. You are so not the asshole

h125429 avatar
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