A long and winding road (The Beatles, anyone? No? Oh, well), new and exciting places, shoddy roadstop food, your Honda Odyssey coughing out its last will to go, dubious leg space, and the sun glaring straight into your eyes no matter the direction of your motion - what could be more exciting than a road trip! No, yeah, of course, it is fun and thrilling, but at times the road seems almost never-ending, and time passes as slow as molasses, but there’s an age-old trick to make any trip better, and it is by sharing some silly jokes with your compadres. Or with yourself, if you’re driving alone. An even better cure would be to giggle at theme-appropriate quips, and this is our cue to deliver the best and the funniest road trip jokes that we could find.
What should you expect from these road jokes, you ask? For starters, some very cute puns that’ll revive your numb behind from sitting for the last six hours or so. Then, there are certainly some very lame jokes about the food you’re about to imbibe on your next stop. Something as familiar as re-refried fried beans served with second-hand disposable utensils, but very satisfying nonetheless. And surely, some travel jokes about funny mishaps on the road, suspicious hitchhikers, and cars dying down in the middle of nowhere. So, no matter what situation you are in at the given time, you will definitely find a relatable joke to elevate you out of your misery.
Although it might seem to you that you have all the time in the world on your journey to read this intro, why not entertain yourself that much more by skipping to the funny road trip jokes themselves? As per usual, you’ll find our selection of the very best jokes just a bit further down. And even though it might be hard to press that upvote button while driving on an uneven road, we know you can do it for the sake of giving your vote for the cheesy jokes of your liking!
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"The worst part of stopping during a road trip is knowing all the idiots you've passed are once again getting ahead of you."
"The first 30 minutes of any road trip is spent mentally cataloging everything you forgot to pack."
"Hour 10 in the car: 7yo is singing "I Believe I Can Fly" only replacing "fly" with poop. At the top of his lungs, of course. Kill me plz."
There’s nothing better than sleeping through a road trip. Even though they keep repeating “Keep your eyes on the road”.
"The best way to travel with kids is not to."
"Starting an 11 hour road trip. Already have eaten 1/2 of my snacks."
Read somewhere "You should pack for road trip snacks like you just gave a 9yo $100.00." Which is what I did over memorial day weekend.
"Any vacation with kids is basically just a cross country tour of various gas station bathrooms."
A vacation with kids probably isn't. After 3-4 vacations with the kids, I finally realized that going back home is the vacation. I clean and do more dishes, organize nearly non-stop, fend off migraines the kids have given me. Vacations are SO MUCH more exhausting...(clicking my heels together--"there's no place like home, there's no place like home".)
"If you’re not consistently driving 7-9mph above the speed limit, are you REALLY living your most efficient life??"
“I get emotionally attached to the cars ahead of me on long road trips.”
They become old friends. You're sad to see them put on their blinker as they get on the exit ramp. Misty eyed, you hold up your hand; farewell freeway friend...
"Traveling with kids: For people who want to travel, but don't want to be happy."
"When I see someone driving the same car I'm driving, I always peer in to make sure it's not me from another dimension."
Isn't it a phenomena that you never saw anyone with the same car you're driving now? However, now that you have bought it, cars like yours are everywhere?
Road trip rules:
1) I control the radio while I'm driving.
2) I control the radio while you're driving.
"An hour after our last stop I decide to look back and see if we have all the kids."
"I refuse to take my dog on road trips anymore. He can be such a bark seat driver."
“The best part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination … it’s fast food along the way…”
No, no, no. Truck stop diners named "EATS", where the food is good and greasy.
"They say you shouldn't drive distracted... That's why I make my kids run alongside the car."
"Spends 5 hours packing & loading the car for family road trip. Child forgets to wear shoes."
"Parenting tip: Rent a limo for road trips, so when your kids start to drive you nuts, you can just roll up the back seat divider."
“It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.”
Not me thinking back to when I spent 72 dollars as a kid at Walmart and dollar tree.
"I didn’t realize how bad of a driver I was until my navigation system told me: “In 400 feet, do a slight right, stop, and let me out.”"
I once had my Google Navigator yell at me ! ( my wife and I swear she did ) we still laugh about it....
"Nobody's more mad with power than whoever's controlling the radio on a road trip."
"After 18 years together, my husband still thinks it's hilarious to point out the window and yell, "Hay!" when we drive past a field. And after 18 years together, I still continue to look. I don't know which part annoys me more."
My friend and I were coming back to my place after a short trip up north for the day. He touched my leg to try to scare me or something. I saw it coming so I knew what he was going to do before it happened, and at the same time we were about to pass a farmer with a few bails of hay in the box of his truck, so just after he touched me I was like "hey!" and then I pointed out the window a few seconds later. He was stunned that I scared him first and then a few seconds later he made the connection. He face-palmed for like 10 minutes while I cracked up the rest of the drive to my place.
"We did it. We are here. We survived an eighteen-hour roadtrip with four kids age 10 and under. GIVE ME ALL THE WINE."
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
RV.
RV who?
RV there yet.
"Saw 8 vasectomy billboards on my 4 hour road trip through Florida yesterday. It's like Florida knows what has to be done to Florida."
A penguin was taking a summer road trip in the American Southwest when his car broke down and he got a tow to the nearest shop. The mechanic told him it would take an hour to check his car, so the penguin waddled across the street to an ice cream shop and ordered a vanilla cone, which he made a huge mess of, because flippers. After an hour had passed he waddled back to the auto shop. Mechanic said "Welp, looks like you blew a seal", the penguin said "No that's just ice cream."
"I heard Hotel California for the 6th time on the radio during my cross country road trip.
You can change the station any time you like, but the song never leaves."
"You're not truly a parent until you've yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again."
Me: Let's buy snacks for the road! Buys $20 worth & finishes them before crossing city limits.
"The fact that rear windows don't roll down completely makes a difference when your child is trying to barf out the window."
Does anyone know why they don't go down all the way? (Genuinely wondering)
When traveling on a road trip, where do bees stop to use the bathroom?
The BP station.
"When can we stop and eat?" Me, 10 minutes into an eight-hour road trip."
"No one is full of more false hope than a parent organizing car ride activities before a long road trip."
"Going on a road trip is basically the art of finding a place to buy coffee followed by finding a place to pee in a loop forever."
Best road trip ever: wife fell asleep n I drove 355 miles in five hours flat.
"Just brushed my teeth in Walmart..."
At least you had a place to brush them at all! Brushing your teeth without water sucks!
"Headed out on a road trip with my husband so if I’m never heard from again he probably got us lost because he “doesn’t need directions.”"
"The most shameful thing a dad can do is be the one who has to pee on a road trip."
"My wife's is clearing out her car for a road trip. She just came in with so much stuff I asked if she was shopping."
"On a road trip passing a billboard that says live girls dancing daily. My daughter’s voice from the backseat, “Wow, that’s a lot of recitals.”"
We passed a strip club called The Pink Pony and daughter whines “can we go pet the pony?” And I had no idea what to say or do.
Me: Crap, I think that was our exit, did anybody see the sign?
Them: Sorry I missed it.
Ace of Base: I saw the sign!
"Most mom thing I've ever said to my kids, "Stop(squabbling). You're distracting me from concentrating on the pain in my foot.""
“Dude, that’s why I love road trips. It’s like doing something, but without doing anything!” - John Green
"An easy way to add 45 minutes to a road trip is to let your kids pick out a snack when you stop for gas."
"If pop culture’s taught me one thing it’s that a road trip is meaningless unless someone brings along an urn filled with ashes."
"I'm taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip.
We've already had 2 major tantrums.
We haven't even left yet.
Avenge my death."
WHYYYYY?!?! Road trips are not “adult friendly” when kids are involved.
"I peed on a bush in Texas during a road trip
Now the secret service is looking for me."
"I recently drove through the town of Covert, New York on a road trip.
I didn't notice."
"I think I'm getting a legit arm workout from gripping the wheel so hard when I pass semi's."
"Every limb on my body has fallen asleep trying to find a comfortable sleeping position on this bus."
"It's not a family vacation until someone threatens to throw a prized possession from a moving vehicle."
"We've reached the portion of roadtrip-with-children where I'm hiding in a Walmart bathroom for some peace and quiet."
"I'm on a road trip with two kids. They are simultaneously asleep. This is the greatest day of my (parenting) life."
"Traveling by road w/ a 7 m.o. and a 2 y.o. isn’t all bad. I plan to do a car trip w/ them again, preferably after they graduate from college."
Ugh….nope. #612,786 reason I don’t want, or will conceive, children. I’d legitimately prefer to be single for the rest of my life. No judgment…I just, umm, nope.
“People having babies and getting married… and I’m like: where am I road tripping to next?”
“Taking a road trip gives the family the opportunity to bond when visiting new places together, while annoying each other.” - Tom Lichtenheld
“I love taking road trips. I get into this Zen rhythm, and I tend to lose track of time; throw the sense of time to the wind.” - Miriam Toews
"A harmonica is a perfect thing to send with your kid if they are going on a long road trip with your spouse."
What did the boulder say to the other boulder?
"I rock. You Rock. We Rock."
Disclaimer: This joke was made during a 6 hour road trip with the family. My only scenery was rocks.
"I so want to sing and dance along with my music but I don't think everyone in my van would appreciate it."
"I just had to use a snapchat geo filter to figure out what state I was in."
I haven't a clue how to use a snapchat geo filter. I just read all the big signs I pass.
"Let's get married and have kids so instead of exotic vacations we can go to that same beach in Florida every year."
"We have reached the "HE'S TOUCHING ME" phase of our road trip. This is also referred to as the 7th circle of parenting hell."
“All of us know someone who is either traveling or planning a road trip, is talking about a road trip, or posts quotes regarding road trips.” - Crestless Wave
"We are planning a road trip through Canada. My wife is concerned that our old camper van may break down. I told her not to worry. After all, we have Triple Eh."
"When we'd go on a road trip, my dad would see a sign that said "The best burgers" and be like, oh we have to stop there, they have the best!"
Friend: We should go on a road trip.
Me: Absolutely. Let's do it.
Friend: You could bring your kids.
Me: I'm busy that weekend.
"Road trip mixtape. Girl from Ipanema and Waze on same phone: “That when she passes, each one she passes goes TURN RIGHT IN 100 FEET!"
"Road trip through the mountains reminds me how lovely thWHAT THE HECK IS 2G SIGNAL???!!! HOWISTHATEVENATHINGANYMOREWTF."
Were you aware of the cross-country road trip taken by the depressed man?
He’s weeping the nation.
“A couple of things are required for road trips: diet that is well balanced with caffeine, salt and sugar and a superb collection of tunes—oh, and directions.” - Jenn McKinlay
Me, to my kids: Fast food is disgusting and unhealthy. We don’t eat that junk.
Me, to my kids, five hours into a road trip: YOU’D BETTER EAT THOSE MCNUGGETS BEFORE I COME BACK THERE AND PUKE THEM INTO YOUR MOUTHS LIKE A MAMA BIRD!
"Driving down the interstate and dad says, "Oh I just pulled the key out by accident.""
This happened to my dad but it was the entire steering column including the steering wheel
"I was on a road trip, and I saw roadkill on the side of the road.
I got super freaked out when it screamed for help."
IMPRESSION OF A ROAD TRIP:
min 7 - "WE ARE ALL BESHST FRANDZZZ."
min 52 - "I wonder if I could roll out of a moving car."
min 111 - "Who killed JFK."
Road trip hour 12 ½:
Husband singing along to the radio: "This is what it sounds like when dogs cry."
Man, George Micheal is great."
Me: "We should get a divorce."
"Dads on a road trip have to pee sometimes too we just know if we can outlast one of you we can blame you for stopping."
On a road trip, I remember passing a sign that said ‘Rest Stop 1 Mile’.
I thought to myself, “Wow, that’s really big.”
"Thanks, OCD... I clean the windshield every time we stop for gas and then every bug and their mother dies on it right after."
"Road trips are my favorite until your legs go numb and feel like the fuzzy tv channel when you finally move them."
A husband and wife went on a road trip.
As they drove along in their car, they saw some wild pigs in some plains.
The wife jokingly asked her husband, "Are those relatives of yours?"
To which the husband replies, "Yup! Those are my in-laws!"
“It’s road trip time! It’s all about the adventure! In fact, we don’t even have somewhere to go.” - John Green
“Every day you can write. When you embark on a road trip, you are making a story.” - Steve Rushin
"I get too attached to the car driving in front of me that it breaks my heart when I see them take an exit earlier than mine."
7yo: Mom? Lots of other drivers show their middle finger to us when we drive.
Me: Shhh, honey. I'm on Twitter.
My German buddy and I went on a road trip, and when I dropped my hot dog out the window, he swung the car around to go back and get it… It was then when things started to go sour on the trip.
I was on a road trip with my wife, who insisted on staring at large map, and barking out directions...
So I took it off her, and scrunched it up into a little ball.
She was not impressed to say the least, and whined "how are we going to find our way now" as she un-crumpled the paper, "we're lost now".
I said "well you're not going to get anywhere with that latitude."
"Every single time I go to take a drink there is a bump in the road and coke gets all over me..."
A wife and husband are going on a road trip.
After a few hours, the wife decides they she is tired.
Wife: Y'know honey, I think I might take a nap.
The husband gives her a nod, and after putting her chair into a comfortable position for sleeping, she dozes off.
A while later, she wakes up, and notices that they are completely off road and in some place she doesn't recognize.
Wife: Where the hell are we!
Husband: I don't know, I just woke up Too.
A few of my friends took a road trip from Iowa to California.
Things were great as they drove through Nebraska. But driving through Wyoming was a disaster! First, one of them got sick and they had to pull over. Then they got to the Great Continental Divide and it was all downhill from there.
"For a long road trip, we love old school games like I Spy, 20 Questions & (my fav) The Quiet Game hehehe."
This man is on a long road trip and has a roll of tarmac in his arm while walking into a bar.
He orders two beers, “One for me and one for the road”.
What did the Lettuce Father say to his Lettuce Family when they started on their road trip?
"Lettuce travel!"
Have you heard about the time Nirvana took a road trip?
All I know about it is that Kurt called shotgun.
Go on a road trip they said😑 It will be fun they said 😡 What could possibly go wrong they said 🤬
Go on a road trip they said😑 It will be fun they said 😡 What could possibly go wrong they said 🤬
