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Man Flips Out When Wife “Steals” From Him To Buy Him Sneakers, Gets Angrier After She Corrects Her “Mistake”
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Man Flips Out When Wife “Steals” From Him To Buy Him Sneakers, Gets Angrier After She Corrects Her “Mistake”

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There are many ways in which a couple can manage their finances. So after her husband’s latest stunt, Reddit user Campfire_byLake77 started questioning if she, or in this case, he has chosen the right one.

In a post on the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) forum, which has since received over 23,000 upvotes and 3,000 comments, the woman described a purchase she made just a couple of days ago.

She bought a pair of “insanely low” priced shoes for her spouse using his own money, but this led to a huge fight with him even accusing her of “stealing.”

Unsure of how she handled the situation, the woman told her story online and asked people to help her find a way out of the marital drama she has found herself in. Continue scrolling to read what she wrote and let us know what you think of the ordeal in the comment section below.

This woman and her husband can’t settle the argument they’re having over her buying new shoes using his money

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

So she turned to the internet to tell her story and ask people to evaluate the situation

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Image credits: Wallace Chuck (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Campfire_byLake77

Everyone unanimously said she was NTA — “not the a***ole” — and one person pointed out the “conflict” is a prime example of a common manipulation strategy

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merlinthecat1 avatar
carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not the only "mistake" she needs correcting. Her marriage is a mistake, I only hope she doesn't hire Amber Turd's Lawyer :)

helenderoo avatar
Helderder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why I would never want to be this dependent of my spouse. I want to spend the money I've earned. Ofcourse we discuss bigger expenses.

cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sense he refuses to allow her to earn her own money, despite what he said about her finding her own money to buy extra things. The way he shouted at her even after returning the shoes and telling her she has no income due to not spending how he wants her to spend, this is total financial control and abuse. No matter what she does that's independent from him he will blow up and try to control her.

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deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP made a mistake - should have returned the husband, kept the shoes. Okay, joke aside - this is a classic financial abuse situation.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Financial abuse. Women, especially women with children, should be very careful about abandoning their careers because there are guys like this in the world.

payroll avatar
Tuna Fish
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But when he was upset he went out and spent money with his friends without asking her permission. He's gaslighting you honey. Get out while you can.

nicolereid-naziel avatar
Nicole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are we sure he went out with his friends? Sounds like he might also be stepping out on his wife for getting angry about this.

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yottskry avatar
Fat Harry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus Christ, this is a toxic relationship. How can she not see this?!

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because she’s in the dead centre of it, probably. Or at least that’s a common problem.

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sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce now! You’re eligible for child support and likely alimony too.

nikkiwaters avatar
PandaPops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its both their money. Not his. How dare he act in such a way. Emotional abuse, financial abuse... and got knows what else this poor woman puts up with

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is not his money, it is their money. She is raising the kids and that is how she contributes to the house. He brings in the financial end of it but they are both contributing, she just doesn't get a pay check. I would leave him and tell him to pay child support.

blouise002 avatar
MsLou
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am really scared for this woman...genuinely hope she's ok

keitho avatar
Keith O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This poor woman is just in a losing position all around. Hopefully she has some family or close friends that can help her escape this abusive situation. This man is a POS, and now has her held financially captive.......

alex51324 avatar
Alex Boyd
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes. Reading this, I was waiting for her to explain that he controlled the finances to this degree because she is in recovery from a shopping addiction or something, and that's part of her treatment plan. Absent anything like that (which would be a huge and unlikely detail for her to have left out), his behavior is so clearly abusive that I wonder what *else* he's doing to her, that she thinks this might be OK.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

... how do people like him even find a wife? I mean ... I'm single on purpose, but I wouldn't even know what to do, would I change said purpose (anytime soon, that won't...). I have a lot of flaws, some more or less accepted, some are a big red flag to most people, some of them rightfully IMO, some unjustifiedly so ... but, the point is, I wouldn't even dare to ever pull such a mess-up on someone I at least at some point have loved enough to live with and have children with. How do you end up with such a fücked-up a**e?

eeyore163_1 avatar
Heather Menard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's a control freak that doesn't want you to have any control so you can't leave. Leave now or you will regret it for the rest of your life.

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's only a matter of time before the violence starts. She needs to get out and she needs to get out now. This man is an abuser. Right now, it's just financial and emotional abuse, but if she doesn't get out of this marriage soon, it will become physically abusive. It is not just his money, it is their money. He is too immature to be married. He got angry for her buying something and then got angry because she returned them. She can't win with this man and that is by design. It wasn't about the shoes, it was about her doing something independently. Again, she needs to get out of this marriage. Staying will only cause things to get worse.

bettywood490 avatar
rabbit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See a lawyer! You are in no position to negotiate for yourself. Your lawyer will be able to get you the financial support you will need to extricate yourself from this abuser. (I didn't see a lawyer because the emotional abuse had worn me down. All the mortgage payments i made he considered my rent to live in his house for so many years. Thank goodness I had my own job and kept my own bank account although I had been generous in paying household bills. If I had it to do over again, I would have seen a lawyer and let her do my negotiating.)

rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex husband was like this .. We had a joint account which I had access to but there was never any money in it, he used the bank card he got from his employer (mercantile bank). I never saw a pay slip, never saw how much he earned. We had our utilities turned off due to lack of payment ("his" responsibility) yet he bought box sets because it was "his" money.

jwfastback avatar
John Wilson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Couples should be a team, each doing what they can to contribute to the family. When one works and the other is a stay at home parent, that's still a team effort. This husbands attitude is absolutely unacceptable.

tammyralph2 avatar
Tammy Ralph
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that she's even asking AITA is sad, abusive people often have you doubting yourself. She really needs to leave him by any means possible and I hope the answers to her post have given her a wake up call.

praecordia avatar
Alma Muminovic
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s sad that you even need to ask that question. You need to figure out what your future is going to look like, because your husband sounds like he will never change for the better and eventually you will get sick of the abuse. Do you want to waste time until you reach that point or do you want to leave and build a better future for yourself/kids sooner rather then later?

vmuchesko avatar
Vicki Muchesko
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Buy yourself some new sneakers and start running as fast as you can!!! AH hubby is a selfish, stingy and abusive control freak!!!!!

davidbrown_12 avatar
David Brown
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one will probably read this but I hope I'm wrong. What he's doing is phycological abuse. Him keeping her under his thumb is extremely controlling and manipulative. Saying any money spent regardless of amount is stealing unless he authorizes it is a complete joke. She's expected to cook, clean, run errands, take care of the kids, and house without complaint but gets screamed at for buying him shoes and screamed at again for returning them. This is the phycological abuse. No matter how hard she tries to do what's right she'll always be wrong. Phycological abuse more times than not turns to physical abuse. Seek help and make a plan to get out before this happens. I've seen this play out before and the only good ending is to split up and get out of that situation. I've never seen a judge side with an abusive partner no matter if it's a man or woman. Good luck and take care of yourselves.

nmperalez avatar
Massmusic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take those kids and run far far away from that horrible person.

nonotalways avatar
Bryn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

red flag. red flag. It's not HIS money. It's BOTH OF YOURS. You are a family, who decided that you would stay at home while he works. He got mad that you spent the money and then mad that you returned it. There's no pleasing him.

gmz760 avatar
Luis Gomez
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm surprised that most comments from the reddit thread went straight to telling her how much of controlling abusive a*****e her husband is, but didn't come close to telling HER she needs some serious counseling. Just in the original post alone, she was already covering for him and making excuses for him. He's got her totally brainwashed to the point that she's asking complete strangers if SHE'S the a*****e for what happened. Anybody with their wits about them, especially in this day and age, wouldn't need to have that question answered by anyone else, because they'd have already called this jerk out for his behavior and probably taken the kids and gotten out of there. But I have no doubt in my mind that OP has probably already fallen "back in line" to his way of doing things, if the way she talked about him in her original post is any kind of indicator. She needs some serious no nonsense therapy and counseling to help her get her independence back.

ddw2945 avatar
cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex was kinda like this, except he went to the store with me to buy stuff. He kept complaining he was always strapped for cash. When I started working we should have been well off but he was still always broke shortly after his payday. Turns out he was spending hundreds, if not, over a grand on drugs, booze and cigarettes, and who knows what else. Nice, huh?

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alinecahill avatar
Aline Cahill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel so sorry for this woman. I'm a SAHM and everything my husband earns is OUR money, even he reminds me of that sometimes. If I'm gonna spend a bit more I always check how our finances are atm and we make the decision together. If it's a birthday present I just tell him the budget. I always have cash in the house for emergencies and he never even ask what's for if I get some more cash. We just trust each other, and that means not blindly, we share information with each other, that keeps the trust rolling...

sherrysoreo avatar
smithyjones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! I can't believe he actually "let her" post this story on Reddit. Doesn't he monitor her internet usage?

rebecca_lacourse avatar
Rebecca La Course
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She could be doing this at a public library. I spent a lot of time at public places to get away, or I told him "give you quiet time". I was stalked by him so he saw no harm with me being at a library or park or Walmart (which has computers with Internet to test). Sometimes phone stores, you can do the same. From experience.

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cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is financial abuse. He's keeping her from having her own money.

slw303 avatar
SuePrew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then he went out with his friends. Did he spend money? Can you go out with your friends?

brandyvitatoe avatar
Brandy Vitatoe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is an extremely toxic and abusive situation. I was in almost the exact same situation with my first marriage. If I bought makeup or clothing he would scream at me... Threaten me... Punch holes in walls and break or destroy whatever I had purchased. The best thing I ever did was get a job and got the hell away from him. And he was literally SHOCKED when I left. He had no idea that what he was doing was wrong.

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get the hell out of there. next will be him shoving you and the kids around. He is one big red flag.

rkoykka avatar
Robin Richard Koykka
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In our home I asked my wife to control the finances. If I'm thinking of buying something, she usually asks me two questions, "Do I really need it now, and us it on sale." Sometimes she asks other pertinent questions too, but all in all I work with her to keep our spending low. We don't fight over money ever. She would never tear into me if I made a purchasing mistake, I just return it if need be. Our tight budget has made us both cautious, but we love each other first and nurture our relationship through financial challenges. I'm sorry your husband treats you so harshly, and without love and reasonableness.

janice_parks_100 avatar
Janice Parks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I might have given him a call from the store while the shoes were in my cart if funds are that tight. Now I’m wondering how much it costs to go off with friends? Also, is he supporting anyone else outside your immediate household? Wouldn’t hurt to check and do some forensic accounting. Things may be legitimately tight financially and he may be feeling out of control. He might act like this out of fear. But if he doesn’t want to show you the statements then you’ve got a red flag trying to get your attention.

saltae950 avatar
Saltea
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really thought she messed up real bad that's why her spouse call her stealing but seeing the full story, nope she's not the a hole here. Even got weirder after he going full mode angry when she returned the shoes and get the money back. Like adele said: divorce babe, divorce

ck594 avatar
Karen Kaiser
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's mentally/emotionally abusive and controlling so you have to depend on him for everything. Problem with emotional abuse is it escalates to physical and worse.

spazz20032004 avatar
Denise Lewis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you need a divorce you are not working and taking care of your children. which saves a huge amount of money on child care he has no respect for you. when you are married it becomes both of your income. how are you stealing from? how much did his night out with his friends cost? do you ever get a break and get to go out with your friends? you need to run to the nearest divorce lawyer child support is way more costly than treating you like a grown women. maybe you should make out a pay check for what you do and collect it from him.

edward_bennett avatar
shinshige
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am SO GLAD that when I got to the comments, everyone agreed with the thoughts I had in my head.

ghuleca14 avatar
Immortal Emperor Paradox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You should upvote/downvote depending on whether the comment adds something to the topic, not depending on your alignment or agreement." This is what we should follow on this site.

emilyoxley avatar
Emily Oxley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Start charging him for sex it's Your body ,then you will have your own money..or Divorce sounds like a plan,after you save your sex money ..

ehall avatar
E Hall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF did I just read? Do you really need to ask who is the a*****e here? I can't for the life of me understand women, or men who put up with abuse like this! It's unbelievable sad, and I truly hope she gets the hell outta there.

chameriadade avatar
Sara Blu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I stopped reading after she explained their situation. No ma'am. Nope nope nope. I'm a single mom bust my butt at work. I'd rather work hard than have someone telling me what I can or can't buy. The amount of random items I've purchased and the fact that it's just my income no other help makes that okay.

jonathanwest avatar
Jonathan West
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again. Yet ANOTHER AITA post that makes literally 0 sense. This ish HAS to be fake af. Something's being left out. And every single person in the comments just accepts the story as 100%. The people on that sub reddit aren't there to help people. They're there to s**t on people. And the posters seem to be either making ish up all the time or leaving out massive aspects of the story.

ashleycampbell avatar
Ashley Campbell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's probably starting to get "overwhelmed" because he's probably entertaining a side chick and spending money on her so his money ain't stretching as far as it used to at home. She need to check those credit card receipts when he isn't around, he probably safeguards those too so she won't see. You got to be careful with men who like to control all the finances to this extent. So funny to me how he picked that argument with her about those $100 shoes, then left to hang out with his friends. He wasn't with his damn friends. and he has a stank attitude with his wife everyday because he has a side piece. Y'all think I'm lying don't you?

peterkn4 avatar
Pete from Cali. USA
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds so much worse than just control or abuse.. He's trying to dominate her and break her; probably trying to make her into some kind of slave he can beat up and have his way with whenever he wants. If this keeps up, he'll probably end up constantly cheating and blaming the wife for it too. She won't have the will to fight and will be stuck forever.

purplezebra avatar
SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What in the world? If you are home taking care of the kids then part of his income is your income since they are both your kids and you would be off working were you not at home taking care of them. Neither spouse should have total control of finances. They should be handled together and some of the income should go into each persons spending budget for extras

marissalane04 avatar
Marissa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Q: if the kids are preschool age, why aren't they in a preschool? This would allow mom to work if she wanted and then she'd have more financial control.

carrieaay avatar
Carey Ann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, HE is overreacting and is acting like an ingrate. He should have been thankful that you thought of him when they were being purchased.

kellybrooke3091 avatar
Ashley Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get therapy or a divorce or both. He's a nut burger and your kids will suffer. I understand a budget but this is control and abuse. Not the same thing.

mkmessersmith70 avatar
Mary Messersmith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your next step is to leave and get a divorce from him. He is no husband. You will find someone who will appreciate you and what you do.

compendiumyo avatar
Compendium Yo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a SAHM and OH MY GOODNESS. I hope she takes him for half + alimony and cs

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my mom's neighbours spent a year planning how to leave a similar situation. She got more money in alimony and child support and didn't have to answer to the jerk.

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houseofno avatar
Houseof No
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bail out quickly. You're already accused of stealing "his" money. What's next - stealing HIS oxygen in the home without HIS permission. Not being facetious but if he OWNS everything, what is left that's yours? Get out quickly because you are on one very slippery slope here. This is emotional and financial abuse.

rebecca_lacourse avatar
Rebecca La Course
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was in an abusive relationship and those were some of the arguments but I was the breadwinner but same type of argument and words. Yes, abuse is about control and he's controlling you and making you feel confused. That's what they do. Find a crisis center near you and you'll be surprised what else is abuse that he's doing to you. I was shocked when I went in and found out.

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leave. Leave now. Extreme behaviour like that is not going away and therapy will only work if he asks for it himself - don’t wait for that miracle to happen. Just leave.

princedibbs avatar
Israel Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely a case of overreaction and absolute sense of control ... run, don't walk ...

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was yelling the first time because she disobeyed him and wasn't under his control. He yelled the second time because he actually really wanted the shoes, and now he can't have them because his desire to be in control and use the shoes as a stick to beat her with backfired

marneederider40 avatar
Marnie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not "his money", unless she's his SLAVE. Is this in Afghanistan with a Taliban family????????????/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cynthia-vengraitis avatar
Cydney Golden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one unhealthy relationship. A SAHM is working and should have her own money, even if it comes from her partner's salary. She should have equal say in all money matters and not be treated like a servant.

dorenes121 avatar
Dorene Rowand-Schmidt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"His money?" Does he pay you for taking care of the children, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, and doing the laundry? Any of the above? He obviously agreed to you staying home to do all of that so he should pay you or back off when you buy something he hasn't agreed to. This man is extremely controlling and you need to either have a long talk with him or get out. Better yet, kick him out and make him continue to make the house payment and give you child and spousal support while you look for a job and someone to care for the children. JUST make sure you see a lawyer first and get everything in writing so he can't claim you deserted him and "stole" the children.

betsynovack avatar
Betsy Novack
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was pissed they had been resold? And that was her fault? I would not buy anything for this ungrateful SOB who thinks she is not deserving of any pay. Bill him. Itemize what day involves and price it at what he'd pay we're it done by someone who probably pays for housekeeping and childcare out of her own pocket. Pay for your own food and he can have his. He can cook it too. Otherwise he'll get billed for it. This is crazy making.

apontious2121 avatar
Amy Pontious
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know you have kids with this man, BUT YOU NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HIM before the abuse gets worse like physical!!

lularoecarlyromer avatar
Carly Romer
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please run! You probably don't think it's abuse because you don't "feel" abused. He is however controlling you in every way. He probably also has been isolating you from your friends and family. He decides where you go and with whom. He probably controls what you eat and how you dress as well. Abusers are master manipulators. You probably feel like most of these things were your idea (they werent). If you love your children get out. Working and putting them in daycare isn't abuse and doesn't make you less of a mom. You can be an amazing single parent and teach your children what a loving partnership should really be like. You aren't doing them any favors right now.

marypigott_1 avatar
Mary Pigott
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Abusers LOVE when you're financially dependent on them..so much power! Just like my marriage was..WAS. Get out!

amandagrady avatar
Amanda Grady
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Need to leave him woman. He's abusive as f***. Take your kids and run get help somewhere else. When your married it both of y'all's not just the one that works.

tamicaa avatar
tamica A
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holy flash backs!!! I was a stay at home mom on a budget as well. I went over the budget buying two shirts that were 3 dollars and a valentine car for my ex husband. He screamed how I was a low life theiving b"tch. It only got worse from there. Please please think hard on how your husband treats you.

hinck_07 avatar
Dina Hinckley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is absolute abuse. Unfortunately so many people are raised with this mindset that they see nothing wrong with it. She needs to see a counselor and a lawyer. Start making plans to leave and make sure she has someone with her when she does.

saredyim avatar
Steve Stevenson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope she follows everyone's advice and leaves this manipulative person.

kevinthefantastic avatar
Kevin The Fantastic!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dump the a hole. He does not deserve you. When my wife stopped working we discussed budgets and I was so glad she was their raising our kids and they are great people today. In case your wondering...NO it's not my money...it's ours, just like our partnership. Get a lawyer and run as fast as you can!!! Oh and to him, get a grip jerkoff!

jaylar24 avatar
Jessica B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1: being a stay at home mom IS A JOB, and a hard one at that, with a whole lot of overtime and holiday work and little vacation time in many cases 2: as I understand it, marriage means both parties need to work out how money is divided and spent TOGETHER and make sure it's fair for everyone and everyone has some autonomy. Money made by one or the other or both does not all solely belong to one person, or the power balance can get really off and become toxic. 3: he either needs to apologize and change his attitude, the finance situation, and pay for some couple's therapy real quick or he doesn't deserve her. 4:she owes no apologies.

tifsbeautyobsession87 avatar
Tiffany Schmidt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so sad and is definitely financial and emotional abuse. My husband is the breadwinner while I stay home and he leaves me in charge of the money. We obviously make the big decisions together but I do all the budgeting and bill paying and decide whats being spent on what. Relationships should be equal regardless of who the breadwinner is. I also get the feeling that he probably doesn't allow her to work or make her own money so he can have this level of control over her and keep her completely dependent on him. I wish she would leave this toxic situation but I also know that that is a lot easier said than done.

ashleycampbell avatar
Ashley Campbell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I could talk to her face to face. I don't know this woman. But I don't want her to live the rest of her life like this. He is abusive and she needs to get out. If she's still wondering if she picked the wrong one, I'M HERE TO TELL HER SHE DID.

davidforce avatar
David Force
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

35 years ago when I got married we were poor and I used to look at my wife’s grocery receipts. She bought a lot of things I would never eat and that were overpriced. I quickly realized how ridiculous I was being and how it would not be good for our marriage to argue about it so I stopped. Nobody wants to be micromanaged like a child.

camaroaustin avatar
Keisha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This guy is a POS.I wish my husband tried that. He would be learning of the afterlife first hand. She needs to take her kids and run as far and fast as possible.Then he can pay child support through the court which will tell him how much of "his" money he won't have to spend any longer.You know it's long term abuse that she is apologizing and asking the web if she's wrong.He has completely decimated her and her self esteem.How dare he accuse her of "stealing" from him.Not sure where they live but most states are 50/50 split.Then he has the audacity to not talk to her and then go out. She should have left and stayed out and left him with the kids and see how much he likes it. I can't even believe people like him even exist in 2022.

jnegraham avatar
Janet Graham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am going to agree with everyone....Get the heck out of there NOW. Take the kids and run. Don't worry about money or anything else. Pack up what you need and go to a family shelter. Forty years ago, my hubs and I made equal money and had an agreement that we would discuss any purchase over $100. Thirty years ago, we had a separate checking account that we specifically put money in for him to spend on his hobbies. Both worked very well for us. In was a partnership! Even when I was staying home with the kids, it was our money. We were always equal partners in our world. Your husband seems to be treating you like unpaid 'help'. He has no respect for you, at all. What kind of example is this providing for your children? Even if you guys just legally separate and not divorce, he will be required to pay for your expenses as well as the kids. Do not get a job until the court orders you to do so.

chrisjohnson_2 avatar
Chris Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So different lol this is a troll I think this exact story is on another thread where just the genders are flipped and guess what? Over there the husband is the ah for not having a job and stealing his wife's money. You have been played

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Possibly, but if someone is in a similar situation, this story and the comments might wake them up.

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igwe_ig avatar
Joy James
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really appreciate Dr Mira an herbalist and a spell caster for helping me get my husband back, my husband left me for another woman after I gave birth to two kids I was frustrated and didn't know what to do until I came across a testimony on how Dr Mira who helped someone get her husband back so I contacted him and today I and my lovely husband we are back again.. thank you Dr Mira for the wonderful work you did for me I will continue to shear your good work as a great and wonderful Dr.. You can also contact her email drmiram1@gmail.com or WhatsApp via +14502314925

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leaving aside the dynamics of her marriage, I wonder how she was able to return something that was on deep discount? Usually things that are on sale are non-returnable.

bjohnson_1 avatar
B Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago

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This lady can't think for herself. There's no way she'll leave him unless there's another man to "take care" of her. She needs serious help to get out of that situation

connorkristiansen avatar
Connor Kristiansen
Community Member
1 year ago

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That is the definition of theft even if it was a nice gesture she should have used her own money or not bought them. All these comments are disgusting taking sides based on emotion not on logic. Granted he could have acted a little better but there was no abuse in the story.

andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Theft is what he is doing. She as a homemaker owns half of the income if the family. Unless he us paying her for cooking, childcare, shopping, cleaning and others she is entitled to half of his money.

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Chris Hauff
Community Member
1 year ago

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If you're that poor you should have your children taken from you.

merlinthecat1 avatar
carolyngerbrands avatar
Caro Caro
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not the only "mistake" she needs correcting. Her marriage is a mistake, I only hope she doesn't hire Amber Turd's Lawyer :)

helenderoo avatar
Helderder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why I would never want to be this dependent of my spouse. I want to spend the money I've earned. Ofcourse we discuss bigger expenses.

cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I sense he refuses to allow her to earn her own money, despite what he said about her finding her own money to buy extra things. The way he shouted at her even after returning the shoes and telling her she has no income due to not spending how he wants her to spend, this is total financial control and abuse. No matter what she does that's independent from him he will blow up and try to control her.

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deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP made a mistake - should have returned the husband, kept the shoes. Okay, joke aside - this is a classic financial abuse situation.

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Financial abuse. Women, especially women with children, should be very careful about abandoning their careers because there are guys like this in the world.

payroll avatar
Tuna Fish
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But when he was upset he went out and spent money with his friends without asking her permission. He's gaslighting you honey. Get out while you can.

nicolereid-naziel avatar
Nicole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are we sure he went out with his friends? Sounds like he might also be stepping out on his wife for getting angry about this.

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yottskry avatar
Fat Harry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Jesus Christ, this is a toxic relationship. How can she not see this?!

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because she’s in the dead centre of it, probably. Or at least that’s a common problem.

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sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Divorce now! You’re eligible for child support and likely alimony too.

nikkiwaters avatar
PandaPops
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Its both their money. Not his. How dare he act in such a way. Emotional abuse, financial abuse... and got knows what else this poor woman puts up with

jamie_mayfield avatar
Ivana
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is not his money, it is their money. She is raising the kids and that is how she contributes to the house. He brings in the financial end of it but they are both contributing, she just doesn't get a pay check. I would leave him and tell him to pay child support.

blouise002 avatar
MsLou
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am really scared for this woman...genuinely hope she's ok

keitho avatar
Keith O
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This poor woman is just in a losing position all around. Hopefully she has some family or close friends that can help her escape this abusive situation. This man is a POS, and now has her held financially captive.......

alex51324 avatar
Alex Boyd
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes. Reading this, I was waiting for her to explain that he controlled the finances to this degree because she is in recovery from a shopping addiction or something, and that's part of her treatment plan. Absent anything like that (which would be a huge and unlikely detail for her to have left out), his behavior is so clearly abusive that I wonder what *else* he's doing to her, that she thinks this might be OK.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

... how do people like him even find a wife? I mean ... I'm single on purpose, but I wouldn't even know what to do, would I change said purpose (anytime soon, that won't...). I have a lot of flaws, some more or less accepted, some are a big red flag to most people, some of them rightfully IMO, some unjustifiedly so ... but, the point is, I wouldn't even dare to ever pull such a mess-up on someone I at least at some point have loved enough to live with and have children with. How do you end up with such a fücked-up a**e?

eeyore163_1 avatar
Heather Menard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's a control freak that doesn't want you to have any control so you can't leave. Leave now or you will regret it for the rest of your life.

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's only a matter of time before the violence starts. She needs to get out and she needs to get out now. This man is an abuser. Right now, it's just financial and emotional abuse, but if she doesn't get out of this marriage soon, it will become physically abusive. It is not just his money, it is their money. He is too immature to be married. He got angry for her buying something and then got angry because she returned them. She can't win with this man and that is by design. It wasn't about the shoes, it was about her doing something independently. Again, she needs to get out of this marriage. Staying will only cause things to get worse.

bettywood490 avatar
rabbit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See a lawyer! You are in no position to negotiate for yourself. Your lawyer will be able to get you the financial support you will need to extricate yourself from this abuser. (I didn't see a lawyer because the emotional abuse had worn me down. All the mortgage payments i made he considered my rent to live in his house for so many years. Thank goodness I had my own job and kept my own bank account although I had been generous in paying household bills. If I had it to do over again, I would have seen a lawyer and let her do my negotiating.)

rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex husband was like this .. We had a joint account which I had access to but there was never any money in it, he used the bank card he got from his employer (mercantile bank). I never saw a pay slip, never saw how much he earned. We had our utilities turned off due to lack of payment ("his" responsibility) yet he bought box sets because it was "his" money.

jwfastback avatar
John Wilson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Couples should be a team, each doing what they can to contribute to the family. When one works and the other is a stay at home parent, that's still a team effort. This husbands attitude is absolutely unacceptable.

tammyralph2 avatar
Tammy Ralph
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that she's even asking AITA is sad, abusive people often have you doubting yourself. She really needs to leave him by any means possible and I hope the answers to her post have given her a wake up call.

praecordia avatar
Alma Muminovic
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s sad that you even need to ask that question. You need to figure out what your future is going to look like, because your husband sounds like he will never change for the better and eventually you will get sick of the abuse. Do you want to waste time until you reach that point or do you want to leave and build a better future for yourself/kids sooner rather then later?

vmuchesko avatar
Vicki Muchesko
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Buy yourself some new sneakers and start running as fast as you can!!! AH hubby is a selfish, stingy and abusive control freak!!!!!

davidbrown_12 avatar
David Brown
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one will probably read this but I hope I'm wrong. What he's doing is phycological abuse. Him keeping her under his thumb is extremely controlling and manipulative. Saying any money spent regardless of amount is stealing unless he authorizes it is a complete joke. She's expected to cook, clean, run errands, take care of the kids, and house without complaint but gets screamed at for buying him shoes and screamed at again for returning them. This is the phycological abuse. No matter how hard she tries to do what's right she'll always be wrong. Phycological abuse more times than not turns to physical abuse. Seek help and make a plan to get out before this happens. I've seen this play out before and the only good ending is to split up and get out of that situation. I've never seen a judge side with an abusive partner no matter if it's a man or woman. Good luck and take care of yourselves.

nmperalez avatar
Massmusic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take those kids and run far far away from that horrible person.

nonotalways avatar
Bryn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

red flag. red flag. It's not HIS money. It's BOTH OF YOURS. You are a family, who decided that you would stay at home while he works. He got mad that you spent the money and then mad that you returned it. There's no pleasing him.

gmz760 avatar
Luis Gomez
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm surprised that most comments from the reddit thread went straight to telling her how much of controlling abusive a*****e her husband is, but didn't come close to telling HER she needs some serious counseling. Just in the original post alone, she was already covering for him and making excuses for him. He's got her totally brainwashed to the point that she's asking complete strangers if SHE'S the a*****e for what happened. Anybody with their wits about them, especially in this day and age, wouldn't need to have that question answered by anyone else, because they'd have already called this jerk out for his behavior and probably taken the kids and gotten out of there. But I have no doubt in my mind that OP has probably already fallen "back in line" to his way of doing things, if the way she talked about him in her original post is any kind of indicator. She needs some serious no nonsense therapy and counseling to help her get her independence back.

ddw2945 avatar
cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex was kinda like this, except he went to the store with me to buy stuff. He kept complaining he was always strapped for cash. When I started working we should have been well off but he was still always broke shortly after his payday. Turns out he was spending hundreds, if not, over a grand on drugs, booze and cigarettes, and who knows what else. Nice, huh?

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alinecahill avatar
Aline Cahill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel so sorry for this woman. I'm a SAHM and everything my husband earns is OUR money, even he reminds me of that sometimes. If I'm gonna spend a bit more I always check how our finances are atm and we make the decision together. If it's a birthday present I just tell him the budget. I always have cash in the house for emergencies and he never even ask what's for if I get some more cash. We just trust each other, and that means not blindly, we share information with each other, that keeps the trust rolling...

sherrysoreo avatar
smithyjones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! I can't believe he actually "let her" post this story on Reddit. Doesn't he monitor her internet usage?

rebecca_lacourse avatar
Rebecca La Course
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She could be doing this at a public library. I spent a lot of time at public places to get away, or I told him "give you quiet time". I was stalked by him so he saw no harm with me being at a library or park or Walmart (which has computers with Internet to test). Sometimes phone stores, you can do the same. From experience.

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cinzabeary avatar
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is financial abuse. He's keeping her from having her own money.

slw303 avatar
SuePrew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then he went out with his friends. Did he spend money? Can you go out with your friends?

brandyvitatoe avatar
Brandy Vitatoe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is an extremely toxic and abusive situation. I was in almost the exact same situation with my first marriage. If I bought makeup or clothing he would scream at me... Threaten me... Punch holes in walls and break or destroy whatever I had purchased. The best thing I ever did was get a job and got the hell away from him. And he was literally SHOCKED when I left. He had no idea that what he was doing was wrong.

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get the hell out of there. next will be him shoving you and the kids around. He is one big red flag.

rkoykka avatar
Robin Richard Koykka
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In our home I asked my wife to control the finances. If I'm thinking of buying something, she usually asks me two questions, "Do I really need it now, and us it on sale." Sometimes she asks other pertinent questions too, but all in all I work with her to keep our spending low. We don't fight over money ever. She would never tear into me if I made a purchasing mistake, I just return it if need be. Our tight budget has made us both cautious, but we love each other first and nurture our relationship through financial challenges. I'm sorry your husband treats you so harshly, and without love and reasonableness.

janice_parks_100 avatar
Janice Parks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think I might have given him a call from the store while the shoes were in my cart if funds are that tight. Now I’m wondering how much it costs to go off with friends? Also, is he supporting anyone else outside your immediate household? Wouldn’t hurt to check and do some forensic accounting. Things may be legitimately tight financially and he may be feeling out of control. He might act like this out of fear. But if he doesn’t want to show you the statements then you’ve got a red flag trying to get your attention.

saltae950 avatar
Saltea
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really thought she messed up real bad that's why her spouse call her stealing but seeing the full story, nope she's not the a hole here. Even got weirder after he going full mode angry when she returned the shoes and get the money back. Like adele said: divorce babe, divorce

ck594 avatar
Karen Kaiser
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's mentally/emotionally abusive and controlling so you have to depend on him for everything. Problem with emotional abuse is it escalates to physical and worse.

spazz20032004 avatar
Denise Lewis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you need a divorce you are not working and taking care of your children. which saves a huge amount of money on child care he has no respect for you. when you are married it becomes both of your income. how are you stealing from? how much did his night out with his friends cost? do you ever get a break and get to go out with your friends? you need to run to the nearest divorce lawyer child support is way more costly than treating you like a grown women. maybe you should make out a pay check for what you do and collect it from him.

edward_bennett avatar
shinshige
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am SO GLAD that when I got to the comments, everyone agreed with the thoughts I had in my head.

ghuleca14 avatar
Immortal Emperor Paradox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You should upvote/downvote depending on whether the comment adds something to the topic, not depending on your alignment or agreement." This is what we should follow on this site.

emilyoxley avatar
Emily Oxley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Start charging him for sex it's Your body ,then you will have your own money..or Divorce sounds like a plan,after you save your sex money ..

ehall avatar
E Hall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTF did I just read? Do you really need to ask who is the a*****e here? I can't for the life of me understand women, or men who put up with abuse like this! It's unbelievable sad, and I truly hope she gets the hell outta there.

chameriadade avatar
Sara Blu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I stopped reading after she explained their situation. No ma'am. Nope nope nope. I'm a single mom bust my butt at work. I'd rather work hard than have someone telling me what I can or can't buy. The amount of random items I've purchased and the fact that it's just my income no other help makes that okay.

jonathanwest avatar
Jonathan West
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again. Yet ANOTHER AITA post that makes literally 0 sense. This ish HAS to be fake af. Something's being left out. And every single person in the comments just accepts the story as 100%. The people on that sub reddit aren't there to help people. They're there to s**t on people. And the posters seem to be either making ish up all the time or leaving out massive aspects of the story.

ashleycampbell avatar
Ashley Campbell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's probably starting to get "overwhelmed" because he's probably entertaining a side chick and spending money on her so his money ain't stretching as far as it used to at home. She need to check those credit card receipts when he isn't around, he probably safeguards those too so she won't see. You got to be careful with men who like to control all the finances to this extent. So funny to me how he picked that argument with her about those $100 shoes, then left to hang out with his friends. He wasn't with his damn friends. and he has a stank attitude with his wife everyday because he has a side piece. Y'all think I'm lying don't you?

peterkn4 avatar
Pete from Cali. USA
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds so much worse than just control or abuse.. He's trying to dominate her and break her; probably trying to make her into some kind of slave he can beat up and have his way with whenever he wants. If this keeps up, he'll probably end up constantly cheating and blaming the wife for it too. She won't have the will to fight and will be stuck forever.

purplezebra avatar
SillyPandaBunny
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What in the world? If you are home taking care of the kids then part of his income is your income since they are both your kids and you would be off working were you not at home taking care of them. Neither spouse should have total control of finances. They should be handled together and some of the income should go into each persons spending budget for extras

marissalane04 avatar
Marissa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Q: if the kids are preschool age, why aren't they in a preschool? This would allow mom to work if she wanted and then she'd have more financial control.

carrieaay avatar
Carey Ann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No. You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, HE is overreacting and is acting like an ingrate. He should have been thankful that you thought of him when they were being purchased.

kellybrooke3091 avatar
Ashley Kelly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get therapy or a divorce or both. He's a nut burger and your kids will suffer. I understand a budget but this is control and abuse. Not the same thing.

mkmessersmith70 avatar
Mary Messersmith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your next step is to leave and get a divorce from him. He is no husband. You will find someone who will appreciate you and what you do.

compendiumyo avatar
Compendium Yo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a SAHM and OH MY GOODNESS. I hope she takes him for half + alimony and cs

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my mom's neighbours spent a year planning how to leave a similar situation. She got more money in alimony and child support and didn't have to answer to the jerk.

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houseofno avatar
Houseof No
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bail out quickly. You're already accused of stealing "his" money. What's next - stealing HIS oxygen in the home without HIS permission. Not being facetious but if he OWNS everything, what is left that's yours? Get out quickly because you are on one very slippery slope here. This is emotional and financial abuse.

rebecca_lacourse avatar
Rebecca La Course
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was in an abusive relationship and those were some of the arguments but I was the breadwinner but same type of argument and words. Yes, abuse is about control and he's controlling you and making you feel confused. That's what they do. Find a crisis center near you and you'll be surprised what else is abuse that he's doing to you. I was shocked when I went in and found out.

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leave. Leave now. Extreme behaviour like that is not going away and therapy will only work if he asks for it himself - don’t wait for that miracle to happen. Just leave.

princedibbs avatar
Israel Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely a case of overreaction and absolute sense of control ... run, don't walk ...

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was yelling the first time because she disobeyed him and wasn't under his control. He yelled the second time because he actually really wanted the shoes, and now he can't have them because his desire to be in control and use the shoes as a stick to beat her with backfired

marneederider40 avatar
Marnie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not "his money", unless she's his SLAVE. Is this in Afghanistan with a Taliban family????????????/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Cydney Golden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one unhealthy relationship. A SAHM is working and should have her own money, even if it comes from her partner's salary. She should have equal say in all money matters and not be treated like a servant.

dorenes121 avatar
Dorene Rowand-Schmidt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"His money?" Does he pay you for taking care of the children, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, and doing the laundry? Any of the above? He obviously agreed to you staying home to do all of that so he should pay you or back off when you buy something he hasn't agreed to. This man is extremely controlling and you need to either have a long talk with him or get out. Better yet, kick him out and make him continue to make the house payment and give you child and spousal support while you look for a job and someone to care for the children. JUST make sure you see a lawyer first and get everything in writing so he can't claim you deserted him and "stole" the children.

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Betsy Novack
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He was pissed they had been resold? And that was her fault? I would not buy anything for this ungrateful SOB who thinks she is not deserving of any pay. Bill him. Itemize what day involves and price it at what he'd pay we're it done by someone who probably pays for housekeeping and childcare out of her own pocket. Pay for your own food and he can have his. He can cook it too. Otherwise he'll get billed for it. This is crazy making.

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Amy Pontious
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know you have kids with this man, BUT YOU NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HIM before the abuse gets worse like physical!!

lularoecarlyromer avatar
Carly Romer
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please run! You probably don't think it's abuse because you don't "feel" abused. He is however controlling you in every way. He probably also has been isolating you from your friends and family. He decides where you go and with whom. He probably controls what you eat and how you dress as well. Abusers are master manipulators. You probably feel like most of these things were your idea (they werent). If you love your children get out. Working and putting them in daycare isn't abuse and doesn't make you less of a mom. You can be an amazing single parent and teach your children what a loving partnership should really be like. You aren't doing them any favors right now.

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Mary Pigott
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Abusers LOVE when you're financially dependent on them..so much power! Just like my marriage was..WAS. Get out!

amandagrady avatar
Amanda Grady
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Need to leave him woman. He's abusive as f***. Take your kids and run get help somewhere else. When your married it both of y'all's not just the one that works.

tamicaa avatar
tamica A
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Holy flash backs!!! I was a stay at home mom on a budget as well. I went over the budget buying two shirts that were 3 dollars and a valentine car for my ex husband. He screamed how I was a low life theiving b"tch. It only got worse from there. Please please think hard on how your husband treats you.

hinck_07 avatar
Dina Hinckley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is absolute abuse. Unfortunately so many people are raised with this mindset that they see nothing wrong with it. She needs to see a counselor and a lawyer. Start making plans to leave and make sure she has someone with her when she does.

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Steve Stevenson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope she follows everyone's advice and leaves this manipulative person.

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Kevin The Fantastic!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dump the a hole. He does not deserve you. When my wife stopped working we discussed budgets and I was so glad she was their raising our kids and they are great people today. In case your wondering...NO it's not my money...it's ours, just like our partnership. Get a lawyer and run as fast as you can!!! Oh and to him, get a grip jerkoff!

jaylar24 avatar
Jessica B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1: being a stay at home mom IS A JOB, and a hard one at that, with a whole lot of overtime and holiday work and little vacation time in many cases 2: as I understand it, marriage means both parties need to work out how money is divided and spent TOGETHER and make sure it's fair for everyone and everyone has some autonomy. Money made by one or the other or both does not all solely belong to one person, or the power balance can get really off and become toxic. 3: he either needs to apologize and change his attitude, the finance situation, and pay for some couple's therapy real quick or he doesn't deserve her. 4:she owes no apologies.

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Tiffany Schmidt
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so sad and is definitely financial and emotional abuse. My husband is the breadwinner while I stay home and he leaves me in charge of the money. We obviously make the big decisions together but I do all the budgeting and bill paying and decide whats being spent on what. Relationships should be equal regardless of who the breadwinner is. I also get the feeling that he probably doesn't allow her to work or make her own money so he can have this level of control over her and keep her completely dependent on him. I wish she would leave this toxic situation but I also know that that is a lot easier said than done.

ashleycampbell avatar
Ashley Campbell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I could talk to her face to face. I don't know this woman. But I don't want her to live the rest of her life like this. He is abusive and she needs to get out. If she's still wondering if she picked the wrong one, I'M HERE TO TELL HER SHE DID.

davidforce avatar
David Force
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

35 years ago when I got married we were poor and I used to look at my wife’s grocery receipts. She bought a lot of things I would never eat and that were overpriced. I quickly realized how ridiculous I was being and how it would not be good for our marriage to argue about it so I stopped. Nobody wants to be micromanaged like a child.

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Keisha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This guy is a POS.I wish my husband tried that. He would be learning of the afterlife first hand. She needs to take her kids and run as far and fast as possible.Then he can pay child support through the court which will tell him how much of "his" money he won't have to spend any longer.You know it's long term abuse that she is apologizing and asking the web if she's wrong.He has completely decimated her and her self esteem.How dare he accuse her of "stealing" from him.Not sure where they live but most states are 50/50 split.Then he has the audacity to not talk to her and then go out. She should have left and stayed out and left him with the kids and see how much he likes it. I can't even believe people like him even exist in 2022.

jnegraham avatar
Janet Graham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am going to agree with everyone....Get the heck out of there NOW. Take the kids and run. Don't worry about money or anything else. Pack up what you need and go to a family shelter. Forty years ago, my hubs and I made equal money and had an agreement that we would discuss any purchase over $100. Thirty years ago, we had a separate checking account that we specifically put money in for him to spend on his hobbies. Both worked very well for us. In was a partnership! Even when I was staying home with the kids, it was our money. We were always equal partners in our world. Your husband seems to be treating you like unpaid 'help'. He has no respect for you, at all. What kind of example is this providing for your children? Even if you guys just legally separate and not divorce, he will be required to pay for your expenses as well as the kids. Do not get a job until the court orders you to do so.

chrisjohnson_2 avatar
Chris Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So different lol this is a troll I think this exact story is on another thread where just the genders are flipped and guess what? Over there the husband is the ah for not having a job and stealing his wife's money. You have been played

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Possibly, but if someone is in a similar situation, this story and the comments might wake them up.

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Joy James
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really appreciate Dr Mira an herbalist and a spell caster for helping me get my husband back, my husband left me for another woman after I gave birth to two kids I was frustrated and didn't know what to do until I came across a testimony on how Dr Mira who helped someone get her husband back so I contacted him and today I and my lovely husband we are back again.. thank you Dr Mira for the wonderful work you did for me I will continue to shear your good work as a great and wonderful Dr.. You can also contact her email drmiram1@gmail.com or WhatsApp via +14502314925

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Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Leaving aside the dynamics of her marriage, I wonder how she was able to return something that was on deep discount? Usually things that are on sale are non-returnable.

bjohnson_1 avatar
B Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago

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This lady can't think for herself. There's no way she'll leave him unless there's another man to "take care" of her. She needs serious help to get out of that situation

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Connor Kristiansen
Community Member
1 year ago

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That is the definition of theft even if it was a nice gesture she should have used her own money or not bought them. All these comments are disgusting taking sides based on emotion not on logic. Granted he could have acted a little better but there was no abuse in the story.

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Ozacoter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Theft is what he is doing. She as a homemaker owns half of the income if the family. Unless he us paying her for cooking, childcare, shopping, cleaning and others she is entitled to half of his money.

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Chris Hauff
Community Member
1 year ago

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If you're that poor you should have your children taken from you.

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