29 Experiences Of Being In A Relationship With A Big Age Gap, Shared In This Online Group
Relationships are not easy, duh! However, have you ever wondered what it’s like for age-gap couples? Different priorities, social stigma and judgment, perhaps limited shared interests – things can get rather complicated, but let’s find out what it’s really like!
“Couples with a large age difference: how is it different and what kinds of issues do you face?” – this person took to one of Reddit’s communities, inviting its members to share what it’s like dating someone outside their age range.
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I dated a 34 year old at 17. I regretted it. In hindsight, he was too immature to get someone his age.
Whoops. I started to write about how I dated my hot 36 year old divorcé neighbor when I was 16 and it was technically legal in my State, but then I realized that, yeah, I was molested.
Im 47. My last girlfriend was 19. We faced endless judgement about our age difference. Typically, I was seen as a near predator, she was perceived as either a gold digger or a victim. Her family couldn't accept it, we broke up despite loving each other.
My new girlfriend is (a young looking) 61. Everyone sees it as perfectly fine, good for her. I'm seen as a more mature man for dating her. Funny how the perspectives shift.
In both cases, it was her personality that attracted me despite the age difference.
Judgy people can kiss my middle-aged a*s.
Well, there's less of an age difference between 47 and 61 than 47 and 19, and the older woman has more experience, so she's less likely to fall for a predator, so that's probably why people don't mind your new relationship as much.
My grandma married a man who was 25 years her senior. They had 3 daughters and stayed together until his death in '96. She never remarried.
Papaw came home from WW2 and married Mamaw within a year. He was 30 and she was 16.
I (female) am 40 and my wife is 29. The main difference is that I am very jaded and cynical and she’s more like a wide-eyed excitable puppy. It’s a nice contrast though, brings me out of my existential funk.
40/29 is fine. The "rule" is half your age plus seven years or you're a creep.
Mom and Dad. Mom was 26 when she met him. He was 65.
People thought my dad was a predator and that my mom was a gold digger. But that was not what I saw at home. My parents loved each other pretty much.
I have an older brother on my dad's side, who is in his 60s. He did not have a hard time accepting us but his wife did, because my dad would help them financially. When my dad got married to my mom, she said that it was a mistake because he wouldn't give them any more money because he would spend it on us...
My friend’s mom was 28 when she married a man who was 82. They didn’t think they would be able to get pregnant but evidentially they could. Husband died 4 years later at 86, leaving her a single mom. Besides that, they had huge issues on both sides. The dad’s other children (in their 50s!) claimed new wife just wanted his money. The mom’s family believed that this man was a cult-leader type and was luring her into an unhealthy relationship.
All in all, a bad idea.
im pretty fine with most age gaps, but COME ON! 82 and 28??? that's just gross (in my opinion)-a 54 year age gap?!
My friend is 27 and her boyfriend is 50+. She has a difficult time connecting to his daughter, who is 24, because they are so close in age. This is because she is almost like a step mom but the age of a friend.
I'm 34 and my SO is 23.
Started dating almost 2 years. First it started as a "we like each other, but..". Honestly, the first month I was quite reluctant because of the age gap. But we had, and are still having, really fun despite the age difference
Started looking different at her after one month. I went on a holiday visiting my brother who lived abroad. He was a landlord at a house and rented out rooms to interns. Lots of girls/people over there were also around her age and I noticed she was much more mature and fun to be with!
After 4 months we went official and it's still going good. Sometimes I see my own behavior when I was at her age. If I can relate to my own experience I know how to act. And sometimes we just have to be patient at each other. We both know there can be different perspectives. But there is nothing we can't handle!
She often ask me for help and advice. For me she calms me down. I completely trust her and if I start to stress out, she is there for me. I lost a lot of my patience after I became ill last year. Because of a chronic illness, I went from energetic to chronic tired. I became more forgetful and changed a lot. Yet there she is! Helping me and calming me down when I become emotional or start stressing out!
I believe and feel happy about the fact that most of our priorities are on the same level. There aren't much differences in things we like, prefer and how we like to spend time with each other!
What also helped me a little bit was the age difference between my parents. Which was more then 12 years.
The biggest issue IMO?
I am far more realistic. According to her sometimes pessimistic.
We look different at money, cleaning and dependency. Sometimes I like to be on my own and if something needs to be done I barely ask for her help. Although that sounds more like a characteristic then something that has to do with an age gap
God I love her!
I dated a lot of older men from age 17 onwards. Weirdly, a lot of them were actually too immature for me. When a 35-y.o. dates a 18-y.o. it's highly likely the younger one will develop more and more whereas the older one is stuck in the same place forever.
If they always ONLY date younger girls, it's a red flag in my experience. Those are the men that can't get a woman their own age, mostly incompetent losers.
However I've recently dated a wonderful man. He hasn't dated much younger before. He's 31, I'm 20. Worked perfectly, we were on the exact same line in a lot of things.
Only thing is he wants kids - within now and 5 years. I don't want kids. For at least another 10 years. So we had to unfortunatly stop dating. Guess issues like that are most common.
Yup, the more difference in ages the more likely there will be important differences in life plans.
I'm 29, my Husband is 50. We don't have any issues. We have a 4.5 year old Son. Life is good. Edit to add, we've been together 6 years.
Listen, you can’t choose who you fall in love with, or special order love to suit all your criteria. It. Just. Happens. And it might happen with someone who may have some of your preferences, but not all. But when they’re the perfect person for you, your preferences change to exactly everything they are.
When I was 30, I started dating a woman that was 46. She was super hot, and very immature. [Making love] was great, but I felt like the adult all the time. I was constantly telling her not to do stupid things (like a parent). She would close the bars with her 19 year old daughter, and constantly wind up in bad situations. Idk, it was hell.
My husband is 10 years older than me, but because I tend to be more mature for my age and him less so, it feels like we meet in the middle and the age difference really isn't a factor. We do worry a bit more about the prospect of having kids as he doesn't want to be 60 when our kids graduate high school like his father was, but that's about it. We've also gotten some funny responses to people finding out about our age difference- I'll never forget the story about a woman commenting to my husband that I was a "child bride, like back in the war" when she found out I was 18 when we got hitched.
Yeah, my mom was 19 when she started dating my dad, who was 29 at the time. I graduated high school when he was about 60, too! It was always awkward growing up when people would assume he was my grandpa. I'm in college now, and he has a decent amount of health problems, so I'm always worried about how much time I'll have left with him. :(
13-year difference, he's older. We started dating when I was 29 and he was 42. Been together 9 years, married for 5, one kid. Honestly, it's not really about the numbers but about having compatible levels of utter immaturity (we suit each other well on that regard).
However, one thing that's been coming up lately is he's planning for a hopefully early retirement at 57, and even if I end up being able to retire early as well, 19 years is a lot further away than 6...
I dated a 30 y/o at 19. Not much was different. His friends picked on him for dating a college girl, but also gave him major props. It was a little harder to get his female friends to like me, mostly because the guys called them "old and weathered" when I was around (much to my dismay).
My friends thought it was weird at first. They had a hard time understanding why I didn't want to date boys our age that didn't have stable jobs or income, still smoked pot all afternoon, and were terrible in bed. I didn't understand why they liked spending time with people like that.
All in all, I love dating older guys. Not "old" but late 20's/early 30's. They're more cultured- down to go to the ballet, try weird ethnic food, share a nice bottle of whiskey by a fire, etc. than someone still in college. Plus they're typically much better in bed as they gain experience. The only weird part was helping my boyfriend with his resume. I was proofreading it and realized he graduated high school the same year I was in third grade. That was odd. Also some TV/music references he made I knew of but wasn't alive for, which was also a little weird.
I started dating my boyfriend when he was 28 and I was 20. The first few years were a struggle because we were at different points in our lives. I wanted to party a lot more than he did. We split for a few months, but came to the realization that we did want to make it work and be together. (It's honestly disgusting how perfect we are for each other despite the age difference.) We've been together for almost seven years and everything's great now. I feel like he's made me mature quite a bit faster than I would have dating someone my own age, and I've made him a more relaxed and go with the flow type of person. We had a lot of fights in the beginning, but those fights have made both of us better communicators. I'm grateful for the fights and that we were able to get through them because they helped to build the strong relationship we have now. An eight year difference now (me 26f and him 34m) isn't too much of a big deal, but being 20 and 28 had it's rough spots in terms of him having more life experience and me wanting to learn and figure things out for myself.
My husband is 18 years older than me and it's worked fine for us. I've always been rather mature for my age and people near my own age have always seemed childish to me. Many of my close friends are older than my husband is.
The only issues really are that some people may judge but I really don't care if they do. More of an issue is that he may pass away some time before I do which is a thought which lurks in the back of my mind. Of course that can happen whatever age you or your partner are.
My, 47/F & my SO, 62/M have been together for 9 years. Neither of us were looking for a relationship when we met. I had just divorced husband #2 & had no interest in finding #3, & he had been single for 14 years, after ending a 23 year marriage to his high school sweetheart. The more we got to know each other, the more we realized we *fit* really well together. My parents, siblings & my kids absolutely love him, & from the moment they met him, he was "family". His family hasn't been as accepting. His 3 daughters are all less than 10 years younger than me, & can't accept that I'm closer to their age than I am to his. They always point out how weird it is that my *youngest* son graduated high school the same year as his *oldest* grandkid. It hurts to not be accepted into their family when mine was so accepting, but in the end, we love each other & we make each other happy. And because it's *our* relationship, that's what counts.
Most of my past relationships have been with older men, with the biggest age difference being about 8 years.
I was drawn to the maturity of them, and (inb4 daddy issues) having an older male figure in my life, which made me feel protected & secure.
However, with that said maturity, I found that I sometimes had a hard time connecting & relating with them, and often found that they were very quick to move the relationship along (i.e. talking about marriage and kids) when I wasn't at that stage yet.
I'm now dating someone closer to my age which I think is more suited to me.
My husband and I are 8 years apart... does that count? I have never noticed any problems from it. I have had to teach him how to use an iPhone/computer etc but that's cause he's from a third world country and grew up without them, not because of his age.
Also an 8, nearly 9 year age gap. I was 27f and he was 19m when we met. Four children and three grandchildren later, we're still together (42 years).
I met my man when I was 34 and he was 19. We've been together just over seven years. Before him I had one boyfriend who was 8 years younger than me, and everyone else bar one was much older than me (up to 30 years older than me). My current man is much better than the others, but that's because of the person he is, and not his age. We both "get" each other, in that we both need a lot of time apart as we're both antisocial, and we are comfortable being apart from each other. I don't think this is anything to do with age.
Im 25 my husband is 44 we never notice the age gap it's irrelevant
Hey, this applies to me!
My boyfriend is 17 years older than me. Our relationship is really great, honestly, we’re very compatible. I don’t know it’s because I’m very wise beyond my years, or there’s something severely wrong with him. Or we are just compatible people.
The main issue *I* have is due to the fact that I’m currently in school (I’m a returning student), and I’m currently not working, and I feel like a real piece of s**t about it. I hate that he has to take care of all of our money, and sometimes I think he’d be better of going to find somebody who already has a degree and a decent job and he wouldn’t have to worry about that.
But I know he loves me, and he’s so encouraging and motivating when it comes to school, and I do my best to make his life good. My plan is to finish school (eventually) and once I start work he can... do whatever he wants. Keep working, go back to school to pursue his masters (something he’s always wanted but never had a chance to do.)
I was nineteen and she was twenty seven. We dated for a year, not very long, and broke up amicably. The breakup wasn't over the age gap.
It wasn't really weird except when I met her mom. I was still in college and her mom was thinking of grandkids.
We hadn't know each other's ages until after a couple of dates. We met in school; she thought I was older and I thought she was younger.
30 year age gap. We (M53/F23) have been together over 3 years.
We don't really have any issues and it's not really that different from anyone else's relationship except that we do give each other space/ time to do 'our own thing'.
My husband is 23 years older than I. I had 3 young sons from my first marriage (to someone my own age), and he seduced me by treating my kids so well. We have been married for 22 years now and still going strong.
I’m 34 and she’s 21, things are going far better than anything I’ve ever had before her.
I'm 21, boyfriend is 31. Started dating almost two years ago (I had just turned 20). It's a much healthier relationship than my previous one, which was with a guy 9 months older than me. I was a little put off by the age gap at first, but my parents saw no issue with it, and all in all our life stages aren't too much different as I'm a university student (undergraduate) and he's a PhD. Our maturity levels seem to match mostly (I've had several people say I'm mature for my age, I mostly agree but saying that seems to be an oxymoron....). Overall, we're both very happy :)
Got 14 year age gap it’s not a problem he’s older we are best friends I don’t like guys my age he treats me like a queen . Life is what you make it it’s not what others think . Live and let live . Enjoy your life , relationship can go wrong at any age or gap do just go with flow
My parents are 17 years apart. She married him when she was 35 and my dad was 52. She had been married prior to a high school sweetheart but divorced shortly after me. What I can say is that age isn't a barrier to love necessarily, but family, friends, society can be judgmental sometimes in hilarious ways. They love each other dearly but my dad has now reached old age and now roles are changing from them being lovers and best friends to being caretaker and dependent. The age difference isn't necessarily the reason for this, as many, even young people find themselves in this flip role situation. The age difference does seam to take away some of the sympathy that people might otherwise have as it seams that this would be a natural expectation. Now on to the hilarious thing I mentioned. They have a friend that is my dad's age who married to a woman my mother's age. Whenever we went out, staff at restaurants often made comments assuming they were each with each other's like age spouses.
Last night, I got asked, for the second time during our hanging out, if I was the performer's wife or girlfriend.
He's a silver fox sort, and I'm 49 and still dress like a hippie.
Now, if I was dating some dude 16 years younger than me, comments would abound.
My mom dated a man 16 years younger than she was, a few years ago.
I asked fir advice and what to expect with such a gap.
She said she got mom/son a couple times. But they just blew it off.
It depends on what you consider "large", but I was 23 and my partner was 18 when we started dating. When we first met, it had never even crossed my mind that I would date someone more than one year older or younger than me, so I didn't even think of her in a romantic way at first. But as I started to get to her know her, it was clear that we were basically the same person. So it started slowly, but gradually.
I was *extremely* self-conscious about it and seriously considered ending it for the age gap. Would people think I was abusive or just using her [to make love]? But then I sat down and thought about it. If she were a few years older but everything else was the same, would I have any problem with it? Not at all. Will anyone blink an eye once we're both 5 years older? Nope. And what was wrong with an age gap anyway? She had no problem with it. Her family had no problem with it. Her friends had no problem with it. My friends had no problem with it. Society at large was pretty indifferent to either of our lives regardless. I quickly realized the only person who had a problem with it was *me*.
The best piece of advice I got about it was that it's only weird if you make it weird. When people would make the inevitable comments, at first I would get defensive or try to explain. "Wait, she's in her first year of college?" "Yeah, we met when I was [wherever]." There's nothing at all wrong with that.
Two years strong, and she rocks my world.
Good luck!
I'm 21, met someone online, have talked about dating but want to meet him first (long distance) before making it official. He's 33.
I think we'll work tho. I've never liked partying or any of that, and he on the other hand doesn't want to stay home every day. I think we'll find a good balance somewhere in between and do things we both enjoy. I've never wanted kids of my own but don't mind them, he already has two from previous marriage, and they are around on weekends. Perfect if you ask me!
I think our biggest challenge is gonna be the distance until I'm ready to move to another country.
I've come to realize while reading this post that the age difference feels less concerning when the person is 29+ when starting the relationship with someone older. It feels like a huge red flag when the younger person is in their teens and twenties.
That's because it's not about the numbers per se but about "how much of a child is this person still?" At early 20's, to what extent do you really know what you're doing? I mean, that kinda goes at any age, but the difference is that you THINK you know what you're all about when you're early 20's, while in reality you don't. The older one has likely been there as well, so they should know what it's like to be that age. Idk it just doesn't sit right with me.
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I started reading this list but had to stop after a few entries. So many toxic comments! Jesus Christ, as long as both sides are adults and the relationship is consensual just let people live their lives! Nobody tels *you* to get older/younger partner, so chill and respect other people's choices.
Agreed, I feel like this has only recently become this big issues and more times than not I think people just need to but out of other people's lives. I really feel like we are moving backwards as a society.
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Almost every one of these, the man is older. I married a woman 5 1/2 years older than me. She looks fantastic for her age, but she is very self conscious about it. Oh well. Men die younger anyway, so we are synched up I guess.
5.5 years isn't a large age gap, though, once both people reach legal adulthood.
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I've come to realize while reading this post that the age difference feels less concerning when the person is 29+ when starting the relationship with someone older. It feels like a huge red flag when the younger person is in their teens and twenties.
That's because it's not about the numbers per se but about "how much of a child is this person still?" At early 20's, to what extent do you really know what you're doing? I mean, that kinda goes at any age, but the difference is that you THINK you know what you're all about when you're early 20's, while in reality you don't. The older one has likely been there as well, so they should know what it's like to be that age. Idk it just doesn't sit right with me.
Load More Replies... I started reading this list but had to stop after a few entries. So many toxic comments! Jesus Christ, as long as both sides are adults and the relationship is consensual just let people live their lives! Nobody tels *you* to get older/younger partner, so chill and respect other people's choices.
Agreed, I feel like this has only recently become this big issues and more times than not I think people just need to but out of other people's lives. I really feel like we are moving backwards as a society.
Load More Replies... Almost every one of these, the man is older. I married a woman 5 1/2 years older than me. She looks fantastic for her age, but she is very self conscious about it. Oh well. Men die younger anyway, so we are synched up I guess.
5.5 years isn't a large age gap, though, once both people reach legal adulthood.
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