Woman Tired Of Seeing These Relationship Behaviors Stated As ‘Red Flags’ Explains How They’re Actually ‘Green Flags’
Sometimes, you just don’t know whether or not you and the person you’re dating are a good match. Trying to figure it out, we turn to our friends and tell them about what we’ve learned about our romantic interest so far. They give us advice, we question it, and turn to the Internet, hoping we’ll stumble upon an article that will give us all the answers.
However, throughout this search, we often focus on signs we feel are worrying; problematic behaviors, and tendencies that could hurt us down the line. Red flags. But TikTok user Kayla Nichole thinks they can be misleading. So in order to broaden our perspective, Kayla has released a few videos, explaining how these red flags can actually be green. Of course, every situation is different but it can be so useful to challenge your thinking and try to look at things from another point of view.
A 2018 study found that 7 in 10 Americans (69 percent) form a first impression of somebody before they even speak. It takes them only 27 seconds, according to the research.
But dating coach Hayley Quinn thinks it often pays to be slow to judge the person you’re seeing. “The people who are the best match for you may also positively surprise you,” Quinn told Bored Panda. “So be open-minded about what your type is and be forgiving of small faux pas’ at the start of dating. If someone is 5 minutes late for your first date, it may not mean they don’t respect you! Keep your expectations realistic, and don’t expect someone to live up to a standard that you can’t maintain for yourself.”
Generally, we shouldn’t be looking for red flags going into a relationship too. It’s like asking for it to go wrong. “If you’ve been hurt in the past it can be easy to start living with a sixth sense of danger, however, relationships often do require a leap of faith,” Hayley Quinn explained.
Philosopher Slavoj Žižek would probably agree. He believes that when people fall in love, it is a violent experience. A state of emergency. Žižek points out that when you allow yourself to fall in love with someone, your life becomes largely dependant on that person. And the fear that they will mess it up can really frighten us. That’s precisely the reason, he argues, why the English and the French have this expression: to fall in love. You can’t fully commit to someone without letting go of control.
In one of his talks, the philosopher remembered a flight he was on where he was reading an airline journal and came across a text by some company, claiming that it will “enable you to find yourself in love without the fall.” But that’s like having a beer without alcohol, Žižek said. Like drinking coffee without caffeine. It’s not what it’s supposed to be.
“Remind yourself there’s a big difference between giving a reasonable degree of trust because you’re optimistic about your relationship, to being caught blindsided by someone’s behavior,” Quinn highlighted.
“When we’re first getting to know someone this can be particularly tricky, simply because we don’t know someone all that well, it leaves a lot of room to misinterpret their behaviors. Often the best policy is not to overthink about what their reasons are and just to identify whether you feel comfortable in the relationship or not.”
@kayla.mcculWhat do you think? #healthyrelationshiptips #healthyrelationships2021 #adviceforlife #datingadvice101 #adviceforrelationships #advicefordating #dating♬ State Lines – Novo Amor
Since Kayla’s video blew up, she released a follow-up the next day
Quinn, who has given an amazing TED talk on love, sex, and dating, said that a lot of green flags aren’t immediately obvious. “As annoying as it is, it actually takes time to get to know someone new! Firstly, look out for consistency: you don’t want someone who you have a stellar date with one minute and who goes cold the next, lookout for people who keep making an effort for you over a period of time,” the dating coach advised.
“Secondly, look at your communication, does it feel easy? A simple characteristic of a relationship that’s off to a good start is that things will just flow. Finally, what’s your gut saying? You should never have to try to convince yourself to like someone, nor should you expect fireworks every date, check-in with yourself to see if you feel comfortable around them.”
As with many things in life, take your time, trust your gut, and things will fall into place sooner or later.
@kayla.mcculReply to @kayla.mccul what’s one I missed? ##healthyrelationshiptips ##healthyrelationships2021 ##adviceforlife ##datingadvice101 ##adviceforrelationships♬ original sound – Kayla Nichole
Here’s what people said after watching the TikToks
I mean not really if someone wants a good and strong relationship then looking for red flags can determine if they are in one or not.
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This advice seems obvious to me now, but in my first ever relationship, I got so jealous when my gf wanted to hang out her friends without me. I just couldn't understand it; I felt like she was rejecting me. That was a long time ago, and I learnt that it is healthy (even necessary) to see friends without your partner.
Good thing you learnt, but don't tackle yourself too much for your past. That kind of jealousy is not necessarily controlling, it could be part of the general feeling of being left out of the group. Passion and attraction is not all a romantic relationship is about, there's the social component to it too. Your partner is your friend, part of your crew, it's kind of natural to feel displeasure for not being invited to hanging out together. Again, it's healthy to hang out separately, I'm just saying all this to help alleviate self-guilt, not just for you, but for anyone reading this, who have come up to the same realisation. That's all. We grow, we learn.
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It can be a red flag when you're taking advice from a random Tik tok kid. When did everyone become an expert? There are reasons my girls can't use tiktok. one of them is they shouldn't be getting advice from other kids about relationships and safety. Also, weird and dangerous "hacks" that I keep seeing.
Yeah, and none of this advice is new, or it's advice that mom and dad have been offering but it's been ignored.
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These make sense. I dated someone who would assume the worse if I didn't text back within like a minute. SMH. You're allowed to be your own person while in a relationship. Don't make it all about the other person or the relationship.
Cell phones have destroyed everything. From the brain to your life. Complete idiots.
These are things people consider red flags??? Someone who expects me to text back immediately is a red flag, someone who doesn’t let me spend time with my friends or alone is a red flag .. like immediate turn off I’m gone
If he doesn't have an apatite for sex, it does not automatically mean that he his getting it somewhere else.
You need to be an INDIVIDUAL WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP, not subsumed by the other person's needs/wants/attitudes. Frankly, as my mother has said, if you want to be with someone just like you, grab a tube of lube, stand in front of a mirror and f**k yourself. Be a bit different. Hubby and I still surprise each other after 30 years and it's all good b/c.... who wants to be some sort of weird symbiotic parasitic thing? Yech.
If someone demands I text them back right away, THAT is a red flag - how controlling is that?!
"Red Flags" are signs of aggression, controlling behavior or any other lack of self control. When I receive a text my phone beeps once and that's it, so if I don't hear it or think to check it can be hours. OR my phone is simply off because I"M HAVING A LIFE. My ex was insecure like this. I bought a new book I wanted to read, which he interpreted as "I don't want to spend time with you" I explained repeatedly that it had NOTHING to do with him and that I wanted to READ MY NEW BOOK. He pouted like a little bitch for days.
I don't reply to anyone so it would the norm for not replying to anyone I'm dating
Can't get to the message when I have to wade through garbage usage and punctuation.
If these things feels wrong to you like to person isn't that into you or feels like they are playing games.... then yes they are red flags. And answer a text is not being on social media. And nobody won't answer by a work break or after work. Unless they care more about whatever they are doing than you. Sometimes it hard to trust you guy because your heart doesn't want to believe what your brain tells you. Trust your brain.
She didn't say unplugging from social media, she said unplugging from technology. I unplug from my phone by turning it off for several hours and putting it away or I just put it away. I don't always want to be glued to my phone.
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A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called DR Owo that he is 100% capable to bring ex back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after 2years. He left me and the kids that he is missing me and the family you can reach this great spell caster on his email; drowoherbs@gmail.com download-1...d00041.jpg 
I mean not really if someone wants a good and strong relationship then looking for red flags can determine if they are in one or not.
Load More Replies... This advice seems obvious to me now, but in my first ever relationship, I got so jealous when my gf wanted to hang out her friends without me. I just couldn't understand it; I felt like she was rejecting me. That was a long time ago, and I learnt that it is healthy (even necessary) to see friends without your partner.
Good thing you learnt, but don't tackle yourself too much for your past. That kind of jealousy is not necessarily controlling, it could be part of the general feeling of being left out of the group. Passion and attraction is not all a romantic relationship is about, there's the social component to it too. Your partner is your friend, part of your crew, it's kind of natural to feel displeasure for not being invited to hanging out together. Again, it's healthy to hang out separately, I'm just saying all this to help alleviate self-guilt, not just for you, but for anyone reading this, who have come up to the same realisation. That's all. We grow, we learn.
Load More Replies... It can be a red flag when you're taking advice from a random Tik tok kid. When did everyone become an expert? There are reasons my girls can't use tiktok. one of them is they shouldn't be getting advice from other kids about relationships and safety. Also, weird and dangerous "hacks" that I keep seeing.
Yeah, and none of this advice is new, or it's advice that mom and dad have been offering but it's been ignored.
Load More Replies... These make sense. I dated someone who would assume the worse if I didn't text back within like a minute. SMH. You're allowed to be your own person while in a relationship. Don't make it all about the other person or the relationship.
Cell phones have destroyed everything. From the brain to your life. Complete idiots.
These are things people consider red flags??? Someone who expects me to text back immediately is a red flag, someone who doesn’t let me spend time with my friends or alone is a red flag .. like immediate turn off I’m gone
If he doesn't have an apatite for sex, it does not automatically mean that he his getting it somewhere else.
You need to be an INDIVIDUAL WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP, not subsumed by the other person's needs/wants/attitudes. Frankly, as my mother has said, if you want to be with someone just like you, grab a tube of lube, stand in front of a mirror and f**k yourself. Be a bit different. Hubby and I still surprise each other after 30 years and it's all good b/c.... who wants to be some sort of weird symbiotic parasitic thing? Yech.
If someone demands I text them back right away, THAT is a red flag - how controlling is that?!
"Red Flags" are signs of aggression, controlling behavior or any other lack of self control. When I receive a text my phone beeps once and that's it, so if I don't hear it or think to check it can be hours. OR my phone is simply off because I"M HAVING A LIFE. My ex was insecure like this. I bought a new book I wanted to read, which he interpreted as "I don't want to spend time with you" I explained repeatedly that it had NOTHING to do with him and that I wanted to READ MY NEW BOOK. He pouted like a little bitch for days.
I don't reply to anyone so it would the norm for not replying to anyone I'm dating
Can't get to the message when I have to wade through garbage usage and punctuation.
If these things feels wrong to you like to person isn't that into you or feels like they are playing games.... then yes they are red flags. And answer a text is not being on social media. And nobody won't answer by a work break or after work. Unless they care more about whatever they are doing than you. Sometimes it hard to trust you guy because your heart doesn't want to believe what your brain tells you. Trust your brain.
She didn't say unplugging from social media, she said unplugging from technology. I unplug from my phone by turning it off for several hours and putting it away or I just put it away. I don't always want to be glued to my phone.
Load More Replies... A friend of mine told me he saw some testimonies of a spell caster called DR Owo that he is 100% capable to bring ex back lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, she consulted the great spell caster on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after 2 days my husband called me for the very first time after 2years. He left me and the kids that he is missing me and the family you can reach this great spell caster on his email; drowoherbs@gmail.com download-1...d00041.jpg
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