Woman Won’t Give Her Boyfriend The Code To Her Gem-Filled Safe, Asks If She’s In The Wrong Here After He Gets Mad
Trust is crucial in building a healthy and successful relationship. After all, it goes hand in hand with honesty, open communication, respect, and other essential parts of creating a meaningful bond between partners. But in some cases, having confidence in your soulmate can seem challenging. Especially when you spot potential red flags that indicate they may not be as trustworthy as you initially believed.
This seems to be precisely where Redditor safegfthrowaway found herself in. A few days ago, this 32-year-old woman reached out to the “Am I The A-Hole” community to ask for perspective after her boyfriend put her in a rather uncomfortable situation. Being a gemologist, she has acquired quite the collection of precious metals and stones that she stores under lock and key — in a safe only she knows the code for.
Immediately after moving in with her, the man started insisting on access to the safe. “Not to put anything in it, but he says because we are living together now, I should trust him and give him the code,” the user recounted. Naturally, this raised some questions for the woman who felt the tension rising in their partnership. Read on for the full story below and weigh in on the incident in the comments.
This gemologist recently shared how her boyfriend demanded access to her safe filled with precious stones worth 6 figures he apparently has “no interest in”
Image credits: Mark Somma (not the actual photo)
Feeling some tension building up in the relationship, she asked the internet for perspective
Image credits: Abbat (not the actual photo)
Later on, the woman clarified a few details and added more updates to the story
To learn more about trust between partners and how to decipher our other half’s questionable actions, we got in touch with Sundy Gilchrist, a relationship coach and founder of Sublime Relationships. According to her, having faith in one another is essential for intimacy and growth within the relationship. But apparently, there are two levels of trust we should bear in mind.
“One is trusting yourself, which is the primary trust requirement in relationships, and trusting your partner being the other,” she told Bored Panda. When it comes to having confidence in yourself, it means you should have enough capacity and believe that you can handle whatever comes your way with dignity and care.
“For it’s true that disappointments and mistakes inevitably come in relationships, and knowing that you can handle these well allows for each person in the relationship to be open, trusting and exploring within the parameters agreed by both,” Gilchrist said, adding that when we have faith in ourselves, trusting our partners becomes far easier.
But some people reveal their true colors only later in the relationship. When the mask finally comes off, we witness their concerning behavior patterns and glaring red flags we may have overlooked or even ignored at first. Unfortunately, it can be shocking to find that the person you love and spent years creating a bond with was just a story. Just as the woman described in her post on the AITA subreddit, a sudden change in our partner’s wishes and demands makes us suspicious, unsure of what to think of their actions.
So while the user’s boyfriend accused her of mistrusting him, it turned out that he was the one causing unnecessary tension in the relationship. According to the relationship coach, once our trust has been broken, it’s easy to feel hurt and then reactive. She pointed out that talking about what the other has done can be hard if we don’t have our own trust and self-awareness in place. “Dealing with the feelings that come up is the first thing to do, and then that leaves us in a better place to have a conversation about what we didn’t like and want instead, once our initial hurt has been felt and dealt with.”
“At some point early in the relationship, it would be wise to choose to talk around what trust actually means for you and the other person, and what you each want to trust in each other,” Gilchrist stressed the importance of having these discussions to manage your own expectations.
“Someone who doesn’t trust easily may ask for proof of trustworthiness, maybe asking us to do something that makes us feel uncomfortable,” she continued. “Like only wearing things that they feel comfortable with us wearing, as an example, or only going out when with them.” This is a sign of a controlling partner, whose behaviors flow from their own insecurities, and could lead to jealousy and possessiveness. If sitting down and having a calm respectful conversation is not an option, Gilchrist suggested getting support in the form of therapy if you feel your partner’s controlling behaviors affect your wellbeing in a negative way.
Redditors unanimously deemed the user had every right to get suspicious, here’s what they had to say
I'll be TA all day!....My property, not yours....get over it! Don't let people make you feel bad for not letting them have access to all (or any) of your stuff. If they are there for YOU then he shouldn't be digging for access to a safe that isn't his.
For the most part, it's much easier to see the answer when you're not part of the equation.
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I think there is something else going on here too. He is a renter. She owns her house. He moved in with her. He wants to get married. It all may sound normal for a relationship to develop but put the brakes on a minute. I was single a while back with a house almost paid for and all my bills paid off. There is such a thing as predatory men. It is something women need to be aware of and have their guard up against. Usually very smooth and say what you want to hear while they move in, press marriage then take you for everything you've got. Followed by skipping town. Waving red flag from the get go. Be careful what you divulge to prospective partners. Especially when they ask the worth of your possessions. Background check. See what turns up.
This is a huge red flag, and you should think seriously about ending the relationship. If he doesn't respect your boundaries now, he never will.
I've been married for 49 years. Our marriage works because we respect one another's space. This guy doesn't respect you and most likely, since is beyond his formative years, won't change. He needs to shove off. If he wants a safe, he should buy one of his very own. Never ever apologize for standing up for your own stuff and your own mind.
I've been married for 39 years. I've never gone through his wallet and I don't open his personal mail. He's never gone in my purse. I just know this. He's never opened my personal mail. We have a safe, we both have the combination
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That’s a weird thing to ask for especially if he has no business going in it. He want’s to steal your jewels and run off to mexico. He will be set for life. That’s what Im getting from his persistency. Trust is earned not demanded.
Yeah, no, I know the combo to the large gun/document/money safe we have, and the only other person who knows it is my father--and he forgets the code all of the time. My sister isn't allowed to know the code, not because we don't trust her, but because she shouldn't have access to the money and goods therein without our knowing. And if she asked for the pin, I would immediately be suspicious.
NTA!!! If you have friends and family you trust, here's a suggestion. Take this guy on a long weekend getaway. While you two are gone, have your trusted friends/family pack out all his stuff. Move it to a storage unit. And have them change your house locks. Say we need to stop by [insert name]'s house to pick up the mail as an excuse to get your new keys and the storage locker key. Meanwhile all your friends and family can be gathering at your place (but waiting in their cars) as your backup. When you get home, allow him to open the door. He's key doesn't work...SURPRISE...you don't live here anymore. Tell him your stuff is at [insert storage company name] here's the key to the unit. Your friends and family walk up and say welcome home to you and march you now ex-boyfriend off your property. My favorite gem is the Alexandrite ;)
Would you give him your bank account numbers? WouId you feel bad about not doing so? Of course not. I wouldn't necessarily even give a HUSBAND a code to the safe. Every time he asks I would take him over to the safe and open it (without him seeing the code obviously) and be like 'so what did you want to see in here? And when he looks inside, be like, 'what else did you need?' Then any time he mentions it just tell him any time he wants to look inside he can just ask you. And if that isn't enough, flat out tell him with no uncertainty that you do not give that code to anyone and you aren't sure why he needs to have it. Insisting on getting it tells you that he wants in there for some reason... like he wants a plan in case you break up to go in and empty it out.
Being an a**e hole is the least of this woman's problems. Worse case scenario this guy is trying to rob her best case he's controlling and has issues with boundaries, he's manipulating her either way and it's best she does not stick around to get attached to this guy. Change the code to the other safe and kick him out.
Well, this would be the huge red flag that had me packing up his c**p and sending him on his way. My fiancés daughter, while visiting us for a few days, asked her dad for the key to my jewelry armoire. She got mad when he unceremoniously told her that he didn’t have it, and even if he did the answer would be no. My jewelry is personal to me. I’ve very rarely loaned it. Mostly as the “something borrowed” for weddings of people I love dearly.
WHY did she even ASK something so ridiculous? Unless she's, oh, about 5, she should know how out of bounds asking for a key to someone else's property would be. Asking a third party (who handled it just right, IMO) is even worse than asking the actual owner of said property.
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Con or control. The only two reasons I can see for him to demand the code, neither of them is good. And I'm saying this as a woman that shares all passwords and codes with my husband. This kind of sharing is not something you start doing when you move in together, it takes time to learn what you are comfortable sharing with your partner, or not.
Definitely NTA. After being in an abusive marriage, and then in a 6 year relationship with a narcissist, I don't think I will ever be able to trust anyone enough to share everything. I'm in a good relationship with an amazing man now we've been together for just over 2 years we don't live together and that suits us both but we do live in the same building. We are both each other's medical proxy, we have a codes for each other's phones for emergency contacts. We don't share bank accounts, we don't share bank account details. Sometimes he asks me to buy something online for him and then sends me the money, sometimes he's given me his bank card to buy things for him when he's not able to get out. I always return with receipts to make sure that everything is kept above board. Neither of us can ever trust anyone 100-percent and we're ok with that. I grew up in a house of red flags and I knew nothing about boundaries; it's taken me a long time to get to where I am now.
If my wife had a safe full of valuable gemstones that I had no reason to have access to, I would specifically *not* want to have the combination to the safe. If I don't know the combination, there's no chance I'll lose it. I don't even know the combination to my wife's jewelry box where most of the jewelry came from me in the first place, since there's no reason I'd need to look inside (except for that one time I wanted to get her ring size, I had to wait until she was in the shower and I took a ring to photograph it)
NTA. There's no more reason to share a safe code than your banking passwords. It's hard to tell from outside the situation, this could be a sign that he's manipulative or controlling, or it could just be insecurity about moving in. If this is typical behaviour, end it, but if it's out-of-character and he'll have a reasonable discussion after the initial freak out, there may be hope for the relationship. It may just be a symbol he's built up in his mind. My partner owns the house we live in, but I'm not on the deed He inherited money for the down payment and had other savings, and I don't have either of those things, so he purchased the house. I would have preferred a joint purchase, but in time I realised it wasn't a deal-breaker, and it doesn't mean we don't have a solid relationship, but it took a while to separate the symbol from the reality and to talk through and negotiate our relationship boundaries and goals. But if you can't have a calm respectful discussion, gtfo.
Red flags with flashing lights and very loud sirens. I'd discard the whole would-be thief, myself.
It’s very suspicious that he asked for the code. Red flag! If I were you, I would get a safe deposit box for the most valuable and have a secret safe installed somewhere in the house. You can’t know everyone he may have told. The existing entire safe may disappear one day. Going forward, don’t talk about your collection. But if you must, downplay the value and don’t talk about where it’s kept.
Red flag! You do not have to share everything with your SO. if they don't like it, they can p**s off. This guy has some control issues.
Take the jems out replace them with fakes. Give him the code too see what he does.
LOL! Wouldn't he be surprised if he took the fakes and tried to p**n or sell them? Especially if he sold them to some unsavory character who finds out they're fake and then goes after him for revenge. A bigger laugh would be if he left the country with them and THEN found out they were fake. ;o)
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He just hates that you’re the only one that knows the code and won’t tell him. You’re keeping something from him and he can’t take it. Red flag. You’re allowed to keep certain things to yourself even in a relationship.
He’s trying to steal it! She should think about adding a secret camera to be extra sure he does not find another way into the safe!
A hidden camera would expose him if he tried to figure out the combination. Imagine her watching the recording of him trying different combinations over and over.
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No, no, no, no, a THOUSAND times no. I wouldn't trust ANYONE with the code to my personal safe if it had like my birth certificate in it, let ALONE gems. And he has no right to ask, wtf. Nobody asks for a safe code if they're not interested in the contents.
I like to share as much as i can with a partner but passwords, safecodes and such stuff are a big no for me. Maybe if i'm married one time but even then it's a no. I was thinking if he could feel cut out but no he is a grown up man and must be able to accept your boundaries. You tried to let him take part and his interest was if they are value. So for me it's just a big red flag waved by a narcissist that is screaming "BUT IIIII WAANTH IT" Please dump him.
"My boyfriend wants to stab me to death and rape my eye sockets. AITA for saying 'No' to that????"
HA! Been with my guy for 11 years! We have separate bank accounts (and a joint one for mortgage etc..) Neither of us has ever asked the other for access to the others account. Bills have been split equitably and as long as they get paid, our money is ours to do what we will with. We got married this past October, not a thing has changed. That story is sooooo full of red flags its kinda scary!
Asking to see them, and then the only question he asks is if they're valuable? Um - Scarlet flag flapping here right next to the skull and crossbones flag. He wants to sell those gems for cash.
Absolutely DO NOT let him in on your gems! I'll make a long story short. My husband stared an affair after we were married for 18 years. He started a plan to leave me. He goes to the bank and took ALL of our money. He moved to Florida and paid cash for him a house and left me holding the mortgage. He left me penniless. Covid killed him in 21. Karma is a b***h and I got to see it come around. Now I am having to sue his family for all of our collective things, house, vehicles and money because Florida doesn't recognize North Carolina's divorce decree where everything we acquired was to be divided.
This one's a bit tricky. First off he doesn't need to know the code...for any reason and also why would even ask. Asking alone seems like such a red flag. If he wants to see them just ask if she can show them to him. I wonder if she is this way with her car keys or debit card pin ( i doubt it)? Trust is earned, not given. ALWAYS be suspicious of people that expect large amounts of trust quickly.
NTA. Even if you were married it's still none of his business or concern. It is not a trust issue, that's a lie. His making such a big deal of it has me suspecting he plans to steal from her.
I would not trust someone who felt you HAVE to give him the code to something that is obviously very important to you. He is either looking to have an advantage or profit from you. Trust also comes from accepting YOUR boundaries so if his intentions are pure he will accept that the safe is off limits to him. If he can't accept that, then I would be wondering what else he can't accept.
Not quite the same, but in the same ballpark: this reminds me of the time I needed to dig out my discharge papers for something medical-related and I very clearly and politely requested to my now-ex boyfriend to please not read my discharge papers as I had them set aside for when I needed them. He told me he wouldn't, that he respects my boundaries and agreed to not read them until I was ready to let him (which was my intention, I was okay with him reading them, but only on my terms). Well, I come home from work the following day and he told me he read them. I was pissed. He was apologetic, but also defensive, like "we've been together for x years, you should be able to trust me with them." I got pretty upset at him for that, especially since I said I would let him read them, but not until I was ready because there is some personal information in there. I still don't understand why he couldn't wait.
Remove the collection to somewhere else on the qt and make sure you have a written account of the BF's behaviour and insistence regarding the safe code in that new place with the gems collection. Then 'give in' and give him the code. If he honestly feels no need or desire to be in there then it will never be an issue. If he wants in there for reasons you'll know b/c he'll call you on it. I'd even speak to a solicitor about your BF's demands honestly
I wouldn't give him the code at all. Then she'd have to hire someone to change the lock with a new code because he'd have the code - even if she tossed his a**e out. Too much time, trouble and expense to do that. She should just refuse. He's got no business going into HER safe.
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If he has no interest in it why does he need a code I would move everything out of the safe and find a new place to store it at a bank and not take risk of him sitting there tinkering with the safe while you were not at home
........"hey, i just sold one"...................give code this will follow
The second he asked for the code would have been the deal breaker for me
If he has no interest in the gems, and just wants the code as a matter of trust, give him an incorrect code. When he says hey, why doesn't the code work, ask why the hell he wants in there! But yeah, red flag.
NTA. However I do think that someone, like a lawyer, should have access to the code in case of emergency (eg within OP's Will or Power of Attorney paperwork). If it truly is worth 6 figures and she ever dies or is incapacitated it will need to be accessed
Wow, so sorry this happened to you.. I know where you are coming from. Makes it really hard to trust people!! Now, I'm married to a wonderful man!!!
I wouldn’t even give a s**t. Who are these guys? My wife doesn’t care 2 f***s about the gun safe combination.
Take the jems out replace them with fakes give him the code. See what he does
I'll be TA all day!....My property, not yours....get over it! Don't let people make you feel bad for not letting them have access to all (or any) of your stuff. If they are there for YOU then he shouldn't be digging for access to a safe that isn't his.
For the most part, it's much easier to see the answer when you're not part of the equation.
Load More Replies... I think there is something else going on here too. He is a renter. She owns her house. He moved in with her. He wants to get married. It all may sound normal for a relationship to develop but put the brakes on a minute. I was single a while back with a house almost paid for and all my bills paid off. There is such a thing as predatory men. It is something women need to be aware of and have their guard up against. Usually very smooth and say what you want to hear while they move in, press marriage then take you for everything you've got. Followed by skipping town. Waving red flag from the get go. Be careful what you divulge to prospective partners. Especially when they ask the worth of your possessions. Background check. See what turns up.
This is a huge red flag, and you should think seriously about ending the relationship. If he doesn't respect your boundaries now, he never will.
I've been married for 49 years. Our marriage works because we respect one another's space. This guy doesn't respect you and most likely, since is beyond his formative years, won't change. He needs to shove off. If he wants a safe, he should buy one of his very own. Never ever apologize for standing up for your own stuff and your own mind.
I've been married for 39 years. I've never gone through his wallet and I don't open his personal mail. He's never gone in my purse. I just know this. He's never opened my personal mail. We have a safe, we both have the combination
Load More Replies... That’s a weird thing to ask for especially if he has no business going in it. He want’s to steal your jewels and run off to mexico. He will be set for life. That’s what Im getting from his persistency. Trust is earned not demanded.
Yeah, no, I know the combo to the large gun/document/money safe we have, and the only other person who knows it is my father--and he forgets the code all of the time. My sister isn't allowed to know the code, not because we don't trust her, but because she shouldn't have access to the money and goods therein without our knowing. And if she asked for the pin, I would immediately be suspicious.
NTA!!! If you have friends and family you trust, here's a suggestion. Take this guy on a long weekend getaway. While you two are gone, have your trusted friends/family pack out all his stuff. Move it to a storage unit. And have them change your house locks. Say we need to stop by [insert name]'s house to pick up the mail as an excuse to get your new keys and the storage locker key. Meanwhile all your friends and family can be gathering at your place (but waiting in their cars) as your backup. When you get home, allow him to open the door. He's key doesn't work...SURPRISE...you don't live here anymore. Tell him your stuff is at [insert storage company name] here's the key to the unit. Your friends and family walk up and say welcome home to you and march you now ex-boyfriend off your property. My favorite gem is the Alexandrite ;)
Would you give him your bank account numbers? WouId you feel bad about not doing so? Of course not. I wouldn't necessarily even give a HUSBAND a code to the safe. Every time he asks I would take him over to the safe and open it (without him seeing the code obviously) and be like 'so what did you want to see in here? And when he looks inside, be like, 'what else did you need?' Then any time he mentions it just tell him any time he wants to look inside he can just ask you. And if that isn't enough, flat out tell him with no uncertainty that you do not give that code to anyone and you aren't sure why he needs to have it. Insisting on getting it tells you that he wants in there for some reason... like he wants a plan in case you break up to go in and empty it out.
Being an a**e hole is the least of this woman's problems. Worse case scenario this guy is trying to rob her best case he's controlling and has issues with boundaries, he's manipulating her either way and it's best she does not stick around to get attached to this guy. Change the code to the other safe and kick him out.
Well, this would be the huge red flag that had me packing up his c**p and sending him on his way. My fiancés daughter, while visiting us for a few days, asked her dad for the key to my jewelry armoire. She got mad when he unceremoniously told her that he didn’t have it, and even if he did the answer would be no. My jewelry is personal to me. I’ve very rarely loaned it. Mostly as the “something borrowed” for weddings of people I love dearly.
WHY did she even ASK something so ridiculous? Unless she's, oh, about 5, she should know how out of bounds asking for a key to someone else's property would be. Asking a third party (who handled it just right, IMO) is even worse than asking the actual owner of said property.
Load More Replies... Con or control. The only two reasons I can see for him to demand the code, neither of them is good. And I'm saying this as a woman that shares all passwords and codes with my husband. This kind of sharing is not something you start doing when you move in together, it takes time to learn what you are comfortable sharing with your partner, or not.
Definitely NTA. After being in an abusive marriage, and then in a 6 year relationship with a narcissist, I don't think I will ever be able to trust anyone enough to share everything. I'm in a good relationship with an amazing man now we've been together for just over 2 years we don't live together and that suits us both but we do live in the same building. We are both each other's medical proxy, we have a codes for each other's phones for emergency contacts. We don't share bank accounts, we don't share bank account details. Sometimes he asks me to buy something online for him and then sends me the money, sometimes he's given me his bank card to buy things for him when he's not able to get out. I always return with receipts to make sure that everything is kept above board. Neither of us can ever trust anyone 100-percent and we're ok with that. I grew up in a house of red flags and I knew nothing about boundaries; it's taken me a long time to get to where I am now.
If my wife had a safe full of valuable gemstones that I had no reason to have access to, I would specifically *not* want to have the combination to the safe. If I don't know the combination, there's no chance I'll lose it. I don't even know the combination to my wife's jewelry box where most of the jewelry came from me in the first place, since there's no reason I'd need to look inside (except for that one time I wanted to get her ring size, I had to wait until she was in the shower and I took a ring to photograph it)
NTA. There's no more reason to share a safe code than your banking passwords. It's hard to tell from outside the situation, this could be a sign that he's manipulative or controlling, or it could just be insecurity about moving in. If this is typical behaviour, end it, but if it's out-of-character and he'll have a reasonable discussion after the initial freak out, there may be hope for the relationship. It may just be a symbol he's built up in his mind. My partner owns the house we live in, but I'm not on the deed He inherited money for the down payment and had other savings, and I don't have either of those things, so he purchased the house. I would have preferred a joint purchase, but in time I realised it wasn't a deal-breaker, and it doesn't mean we don't have a solid relationship, but it took a while to separate the symbol from the reality and to talk through and negotiate our relationship boundaries and goals. But if you can't have a calm respectful discussion, gtfo.
Red flags with flashing lights and very loud sirens. I'd discard the whole would-be thief, myself.
It’s very suspicious that he asked for the code. Red flag! If I were you, I would get a safe deposit box for the most valuable and have a secret safe installed somewhere in the house. You can’t know everyone he may have told. The existing entire safe may disappear one day. Going forward, don’t talk about your collection. But if you must, downplay the value and don’t talk about where it’s kept.
Red flag! You do not have to share everything with your SO. if they don't like it, they can p**s off. This guy has some control issues.
Take the jems out replace them with fakes. Give him the code too see what he does.
LOL! Wouldn't he be surprised if he took the fakes and tried to p**n or sell them? Especially if he sold them to some unsavory character who finds out they're fake and then goes after him for revenge. A bigger laugh would be if he left the country with them and THEN found out they were fake. ;o)
Load More Replies... He just hates that you’re the only one that knows the code and won’t tell him. You’re keeping something from him and he can’t take it. Red flag. You’re allowed to keep certain things to yourself even in a relationship.
He’s trying to steal it! She should think about adding a secret camera to be extra sure he does not find another way into the safe!
A hidden camera would expose him if he tried to figure out the combination. Imagine her watching the recording of him trying different combinations over and over.
Load More Replies... No, no, no, no, a THOUSAND times no. I wouldn't trust ANYONE with the code to my personal safe if it had like my birth certificate in it, let ALONE gems. And he has no right to ask, wtf. Nobody asks for a safe code if they're not interested in the contents.
I like to share as much as i can with a partner but passwords, safecodes and such stuff are a big no for me. Maybe if i'm married one time but even then it's a no. I was thinking if he could feel cut out but no he is a grown up man and must be able to accept your boundaries. You tried to let him take part and his interest was if they are value. So for me it's just a big red flag waved by a narcissist that is screaming "BUT IIIII WAANTH IT" Please dump him.
"My boyfriend wants to stab me to death and rape my eye sockets. AITA for saying 'No' to that????"
HA! Been with my guy for 11 years! We have separate bank accounts (and a joint one for mortgage etc..) Neither of us has ever asked the other for access to the others account. Bills have been split equitably and as long as they get paid, our money is ours to do what we will with. We got married this past October, not a thing has changed. That story is sooooo full of red flags its kinda scary!
Asking to see them, and then the only question he asks is if they're valuable? Um - Scarlet flag flapping here right next to the skull and crossbones flag. He wants to sell those gems for cash.
Absolutely DO NOT let him in on your gems! I'll make a long story short. My husband stared an affair after we were married for 18 years. He started a plan to leave me. He goes to the bank and took ALL of our money. He moved to Florida and paid cash for him a house and left me holding the mortgage. He left me penniless. Covid killed him in 21. Karma is a b***h and I got to see it come around. Now I am having to sue his family for all of our collective things, house, vehicles and money because Florida doesn't recognize North Carolina's divorce decree where everything we acquired was to be divided.
This one's a bit tricky. First off he doesn't need to know the code...for any reason and also why would even ask. Asking alone seems like such a red flag. If he wants to see them just ask if she can show them to him. I wonder if she is this way with her car keys or debit card pin ( i doubt it)? Trust is earned, not given. ALWAYS be suspicious of people that expect large amounts of trust quickly.
NTA. Even if you were married it's still none of his business or concern. It is not a trust issue, that's a lie. His making such a big deal of it has me suspecting he plans to steal from her.
I would not trust someone who felt you HAVE to give him the code to something that is obviously very important to you. He is either looking to have an advantage or profit from you. Trust also comes from accepting YOUR boundaries so if his intentions are pure he will accept that the safe is off limits to him. If he can't accept that, then I would be wondering what else he can't accept.
Not quite the same, but in the same ballpark: this reminds me of the time I needed to dig out my discharge papers for something medical-related and I very clearly and politely requested to my now-ex boyfriend to please not read my discharge papers as I had them set aside for when I needed them. He told me he wouldn't, that he respects my boundaries and agreed to not read them until I was ready to let him (which was my intention, I was okay with him reading them, but only on my terms). Well, I come home from work the following day and he told me he read them. I was pissed. He was apologetic, but also defensive, like "we've been together for x years, you should be able to trust me with them." I got pretty upset at him for that, especially since I said I would let him read them, but not until I was ready because there is some personal information in there. I still don't understand why he couldn't wait.
Remove the collection to somewhere else on the qt and make sure you have a written account of the BF's behaviour and insistence regarding the safe code in that new place with the gems collection. Then 'give in' and give him the code. If he honestly feels no need or desire to be in there then it will never be an issue. If he wants in there for reasons you'll know b/c he'll call you on it. I'd even speak to a solicitor about your BF's demands honestly
I wouldn't give him the code at all. Then she'd have to hire someone to change the lock with a new code because he'd have the code - even if she tossed his a**e out. Too much time, trouble and expense to do that. She should just refuse. He's got no business going into HER safe.
Load More Replies... If he has no interest in it why does he need a code I would move everything out of the safe and find a new place to store it at a bank and not take risk of him sitting there tinkering with the safe while you were not at home
........"hey, i just sold one"...................give code this will follow
The second he asked for the code would have been the deal breaker for me
If he has no interest in the gems, and just wants the code as a matter of trust, give him an incorrect code. When he says hey, why doesn't the code work, ask why the hell he wants in there! But yeah, red flag.
NTA. However I do think that someone, like a lawyer, should have access to the code in case of emergency (eg within OP's Will or Power of Attorney paperwork). If it truly is worth 6 figures and she ever dies or is incapacitated it will need to be accessed
Wow, so sorry this happened to you.. I know where you are coming from. Makes it really hard to trust people!! Now, I'm married to a wonderful man!!!
I wouldn’t even give a s**t. Who are these guys? My wife doesn’t care 2 f***s about the gun safe combination.
Take the jems out replace them with fakes give him the code. See what he does
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