Dad’s Fuming After Discovering That His Wife Had An Affair, Gets Revenge By Refusing To Pay For All Of His Kids’ College Unless They Prove Their Kinship With A DNA Test
Life is a wild thing. For the first 20 years, it’s traditionally filled with magical experiences where everything is new and exciting. Then fun things abruptly turn into responsibilities where 24 hours in a day seems way too little to achieve anything. It also doesn’t help that your family is constantly reminding you of how your mom’s friend’s son is already married and how your neighbor is already on his 8th college degree.
Eventually, you achieve all your set goals, and you settle down. Life slows down and gets calmer, and you meet the love of your life. You get married, have kids – everything is wonderful, except it’s not. Because as it turns out, your wife cheated on you while she was a stay-at-home mom:
This is the potential story of this Reddit user’s father, who decided to punish his kids for their mom’s unfaithfulness. The post received over 21K upvotes and 1.2K worth of comments where people openly debated the seriousness of this uneasy situation.
More info: Reddit
Father wants to punish his offspring for his wife’s unfaithfulness
Image credits: Drew XXX (not the actual photo)
Online user shares a story on one of Reddit’s communities explaining how his life got turned upside down once the whole family learned that his mom had an affair.
Dad pushes his kids to do a paternity test or else he won’t pay for their education, like he promised
Image credits: [deleted]
The OP began his story by sharing that his father found out that his mom was cheating on him. The mother wouldn’t tell with whom, but it was believed to have happened approximately at the time when the woman was a stay-at-home mom.
The woman had her children roughly around the same time, and the father is convinced that his children might not actually be his. Moreover, he gave an ultimatum to all of them, stating that he would only pay for their education once it’s proven that they’re all related.
Image credits: [deleted]
The thing is that the dad promised to finance his children’s college way before the cheating scandal happened, and all of the sibling were counting on that money.
The OP’s older sister did the paternity test with no hesitation because she was confident that she’s her father’s daughter. Plus, she is the only one who was already enrolled and attending, which is why she needed that DNA test to come back positive.
Image credits: [deleted]
Unfortunately, the OP strongly believes that he’s not his dad’s biological kid because people have been telling him that he looks nothing like the rest of his family.
The guy is also completely petrified, as he is scared that his dad will never contact him again, let alone pay for his college. He doesn’t want to do the test but he feels like he has no other choice. The OP also mentions that the money is not in a college fund, which is why it won’t go to his mom after the divorce is finalized.
The OP shared that he starts his college relatively soon, and that he happened to pick an expensive school, since his father would pay for it, but now even if his mom would be willing to finance the studies, she wouldn’t be able to afford it. The guy also mentioned that he’s utterly furious at this whole situation, and that his father decided for himself that since his son isn’t willing to do the kinship test, he will assume that they’re not related and will cut him off once the OP turns 18.
Image credits: [deleted]
However, later on, the OP edited the post and let everyone know that after reading the comments, he decided to proceed with the test, as it’s better to know for sure for his own sake. What do you think about this uneasy situation? Do you think that the dad might’ve overreacted?
Fellow Redditors express their support towards the OP
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Clearly dad is having a major reaction to finding out his marriage and family is not what he thought. I'm hoping this was an immediate and quick outburst for which he will soon apologize. The person who betrayed him was your mother. To blame the kids is horrible. He is the only father you guys have ever had. Can he really turn off his love after two decades? If he can, then he's a piece of dirt. You need to ask him if he's willing to ruin your future and turn his back on you, when you are completely innocent, and when he is the only father you have. I really hope he will come to his senses. I want to know what happens next!
If I was in OP's position and the dad never apologised, I would seriously consider keeping contact to a minimum even if the paternity test did come back positive. He raised these children from the moment they were born, how could he even consider throwing them away like that? Does he love them at all?
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Regardless of what the dad says he isn’t going to do, he could still be responsible for paying for OP’s college education. Divorce courts have decided on things like this before.
And, if they live in a "No Fault" state, Mom will get 50% of that investment account, no matter why they are divorcing. Every asset (or debt) accumulated during the marriage is split, even intellectual property and patent rights developed by one of the spouses.... Ask me how I know.
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His names is on the birth certificate. I have a friend in the states who’s father tried pulling this garbage. DNA test came back that she wasn’t biologically his but the court made him pay a chunk of her tuition anyway and the judge reamed him a new one for being a nasty immature asshat. Name on Birth Certificate did him in in
OP NTA, Parents are definitely AH. They shouldn't have involved the kids in the first place, left alone threatening to cut him off financially. I'm happy to hear OP finally agreed to do DNA test, not to satisfy the dad but for OP own good as now he won't be haunted with "what ifs". Best of luck OP.
God, I hate seeing kids suffer like this for their parents' assholery. Mom is an asshole for cheating and lying. Dad is an asshole for punishing his kids to get back at mom. The kids are caught in the crossfire and none of it is their fault. I hope they both grow up and realise the consequences of their actions. I would take the DNA test for my own peace of mind.
No bloody Dad worthy of the name would ever stop loving the kids he raised as his just because because someone else is the paternal father. Love for your kid is/ should be unconditional. I truly hope this is just an expression of rage and he comes to his senses. I cannot fathom EVER not loving my daughter. It angers me to hear of a guy, even mad as he is, putting his kids through this.
Exactly. How can a person stop loving his children just because they arent his? Then he never loved them in the first place.
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How can you raise a child as your own, then blame them when it turns out they may not be. Dad sounds like a very immature person, who presumably doesn’t want the people he brought up as his children to bring the grandkids round, go on family outings together when he’s too old to take himself, have Christmas at their homes, nurse him when he’s sick or dying etc. Family relationships are a two way street and it’s sad to think that the college money means more to him than his role as a father.
Well, isn't that nice to know? That your dad only pretends to love you because you have his DNA, but if it turns out you don't, he can finally get rid of you. Great for self esteem, no trauma here, will do fine in other relationships, no trust issues in the future... Even if he is his son, just knowing how little dad actually cares is devastating.
calling out the dad for being an a-hole. if he has been their father, raised them, etc., then why 'punish' the kids for his wife's infidelities? and, due to the children being born within the marriage he is going to have quite the case if he wants to disown them should the dna not match. i get the 'i don't want to have to pay for someone else's kid' mindset but, again - this is the time for him to reflect on if he truly loves these kids or was just going through the motions...which is just as much as a betrayal as the mothers actions in regards to deception.
Two rubbish parents. He's going to stop living his kids cuz they're not bio? Doubtful. Sounds like ammunition for the divorce
My sister is adopted. The idea that people need to be genetically related to be family is just crazy to me.
Too much of this kind of thing happening these days. It wouldn't be a popular idea but if children were tested at birth and matched/or not to the father named on the birth certificate it could be avoided. So many children are born out of wedlock now anyway it has lost the stigma it once had in most places and people might think twice about cheating.
I think that kids should always be tested at birth for both parents. Even if the mother didnt cheat mistakes happen at hospitals. It is medically relevant to know who are the biological parents of a baby.
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NTA. Screw both your parents, but ESPECIALLY your father. This man has no love in him, how can you 'love' a child for 18yrs, then hear a whisper they MIGHT (no proof yet) be yours, but you go ahead and threaten to disown and stop loving them because of someone elses mistake. What a horrible human being. I'd do the test privately, if I'm not his kid I wouldn't tell him, let that play on his mind for the rest of his life. If I am his kid, i'd show him the test as proof, then milk the bastar* for free college and ANYTHING else I could get out of him while secretly undermining and gaslighting him for years afterwards out of revenge. The moment I finish college, I write him a nice letter detailing what a POS of a human being he is, you disown him as your father, then i'd take what money I had and pay for a giant billboard near his house/work detailing this story so everyone will know what an awful person he is. How DARE he do this to the child he raised, regardless if it's his biological.
Another case of a parent using the kid as a tool against the other one. Just awful. Figure something else out that doesn't punish the child.
Both parents, assholes. Period. He is barely a sperm donor, whatever the test result is.
This is messy. People do get post secondary without parents support, I did, but I won't lie, it's wasn't easy. I hope the father comes around, an 18 year lie can be quite a wound. In order to add a missing father to a birth certificate where I am requires a DNA test, I often wonder if that test should be a recommended option in the first place.
JFC, why is the 18-year-old the most mature person in this situation? This young adult is probably legally considered a "product of the marriage" despite genetics, and the husband is probably legally the father because laws have not caught up with science. Unfortunately, they are probably also screwed in the need-based financial aid department as well, because legal-dad's income and investments should go on the FAFSA. If legal-dad follows through on the disownment, the kid should get with a lawyer to get a legal document severing that relationship.
Also, where are the siblings in all this? Why aren't they all telling dad off for his BS?
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I've said it once and I will say it again: When adults do stupid and selfish things, the people that pay the most are the children. I understand that the dad is angry with the mother, but he shouldn't take it out on the son. It's not the son's fault that his mother got around. The son doesn't owe the father a DNA test if he doesn't want to do it.
Oh, but he does, especially if he wants a court ruling for money. Not saying it's nice, but that's the way it is.
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Only assholy think the kid did was deliberately choosing an extra expensive college "because dad was paying for it anyway". So what if he was.. sounds like he's been paying for 2 other kids aswell. So what if he said it was OK.. at the time he put the kids happiness above his own monetary situation.. Still a pretty shitty and assholy thing to do as a spoiled kid..
The mom is the AH. If this is in the US, the EFC (expected family contribution) no longer exists for the FAFSA (federal student aid application). He should pick a cheaper school, especially since he's not even out of highschool yet. Go to community college first, then transfer to an affordable school if he still wants or needs a bachelor's at that point. Plenty of people's parents refuse to pay for their college for any number of reasons even for their blood children, people have taken their parents to court over it. He needs to count himself lucky the EFC was abolished, for decades if parents didn't want to pay but the FAFSA said they owed an EFC if they refused there was nothing the student could do but wait until they were 23, get married, or have a kid, to start college (the only things that nulled the EFC).
A lot of people are judging the mother here. People don't just cheat. There's a reason she felt the need to be with someone else. Whatever the reasons, it's none of our business. As for the dad stating that he'd not pay for the kids' education - this is an A-Hole move. These kids have grown up with whom they thought were their mother and father, just because the husband is hurt by this revelation, doesn't mean that he should take his anger out on anyone, especially the kids. He needs to realise that he has had a hand in nurturing them and guiding them through life, to walk away and blame is not only wrong, but downright vicious and cruel. If he does walk, this says so much about him being childish, and inadvertently gives the kids a learning curve in better behaviours, and how to treat others with things go wrong.
Our society has unreal standards for fidelity and ingrained guilt for infidelity. Married couples often have one or both partners seeking love or sex outside the marriage. It's not the end of the world, but people get caught up in shame and embarrassment and want to punish their partner. Honestly admitting who you are and sharing that with your partner avoids issues like this. If you love, make it unconditional love, or it's not really love. "I love you no matter what, and I wish you happiness."
Am I the only one who thinks the entire family is entitled and unconsiderate? I never understood this expectation for parents to always pay for their children's college, even if it ends up bankrupting the parents. Just find a school that's cheaper and go to that, or find an exchange program that will be free (like in Denmark). But that's my opinion, I guess every culture has a different mentality.
A lot of people on here going on about the mum being as bad, if not worse than the dad. We don't know the whole story of why the mum cheated or who with. I'm not condoning her actions in any way but she was a stay at home mum who raised her babies and seems to have at least loved her husband given that she stayed with him for another 17 odd years. Yes it was a selfish thing for her to do and a stupid decision but saying the dad is the victim and it's all the mother's fault seems pretty unfair. Hopefully this kid can find a way to go to college and focus on their future without having to rely on a man who quite honestly don't deserve to be a father if he can be so callous as to abandon a person he's loved and raised simply because of DNA.
Wait, downvote me, but am I the only one who sympathize with his Dad? It's not OP's fault, but is it his dad's? I think I'd be pissed if I raised a child and it turns out it's not his, but the result of a betrayal by someone he thought he could trust, and now, he is called an asshole because he wants to know the truth and don't want to subject himself to ongoing expensive expenses that he shouldn't even have a role in the first place? Do I get this wrong?
Yes you do. No one is blaming the dad for being angry at the mom for living a lie. They are blaming him for emotionally abusing children he raised just because they might not share his DNA. He's a terrible person.
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Yes, you're wrong. Its not the kids fault. You are the only dad they know. Punishing the kids will not erase the events of 18 years ago.
Ask Matthew Vaughn, same thing happened to him. Robert Vaughn was a bit of a d**k.
In most states any judge dealing with this would tell your father that as he was the father in your life, he's the father, DNA or no DNA. Morally he's wrong, legally he's wrong. Paternity is not fatherhood.
Maybe. But paternity is for life. fatherhood is a choice. Is the kid is not yours, you don't have any obligation towards thus person. (especially when 18+) Legal obligations may vary depending your country though.
Load More Replies... Men have had to pay to raise children even when they find out they AREN'T the dad. Courts care about the welfare of the child. That's the point of it. Kid should find a lawyer of their own if the court doesn't assign a child advocate in the divorce case. Dad doesn't decide unilateraly that he won't pay for college, this will be decided by the court, when history is submitted, of promises made to the kids, did he say he'd always pay when they were growing up? Were they counting on this? He raised all the kids for 20 years as if he was their bio-dad? he can't just pull that back. Court will make sure of that. Sorry, dad, you're on the hook.
Not sure that's a valid approach once they turn 18.
Load More Replies... In an instant I wasn't a dad: Wife is forced to pay husband £250,000 for 'tricking' him into believing three sons were his for 21 years after doctors told him he had almost certainly been infertile since birth. https://metro.co.uk/2019/01/06/mum-pays-ex-husband-250000-discovered-three-sons-werent-actually-8314168/ And the follow up interview from the child https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6568027/Son-tricked-mum-thinking-MoneySuperMarket-tycoon-father-breaks-silence-lie.html
Stop being mad, parents are also just people making mistakes, it's not your fault nor you could do anything about it. Second whether you look like your dad or not has nothing to do with not being related to your dad. Third it's only up to you to take test or not but your dad being asshole like he is won't change. He raised your for all this time and now the blood relation is condition to pay for college? I'd tell him shove it up where sun doesn't shine. He is an asshole in relation to you, no matter what happened between your parents. Try to figure out how to do it without him, take a year to work and think about it. You'll manage.
Honestly I think the father should be able to sue the mother for attempting to defraud for child care and expenses for 18+ years for each child that is not his. She did this and the kids and him are having to pay the cost. Lu's the state sould get involved for her commiting fraud on paperwork entered into record and charged in the accordance of falsifying identity. Why should he be liable if he was defrauded.
There us nothing worse than being betrayed particularly by someone made vows to I dont think the dad is a$$hole, just very, very angry. He will come around when he sees what he might lose, children he raised and guided
Ok so you doubt your father is your father but you want him to pay for your tuition? Everyone says dad ITA but in fact. He's NOT. He has been cheated on and everyone wants to take advantage of his money. He is absolutely right for demanding dna tests. A lot of men are being lured into taking care of children who aren't theirs. Ok, he is an sh*thole for not wanting any contact but you just cannot expect a man to pay for everything and hiding the fact that he might not be your childrens father. That's insane. The mother is the HUGE *SS here. Dad is not punishing the children, he is giving the mother back her OWN responsibility. Don't take this out on the dad, he is a victim here. And so are the children. Refusing the DNA but still want to use him for the money, thats selfish. Lots of students WORK for their tuition because they don't have rich parents. Learn some humility and stop acting like a spoiled brat. Go complain with your mom, let HER pay tuition. She has put everyone in this position.
What a s**t take. The dad is emotionally abusing children he raised for 18 years and you want to defend him? Get your head checked.
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I understand dads position. Living a lie for 18 years must hurt pretty bad, especially if he and child didn't manage to form any meaningful relationships over the years. He is under no moral obligation to continue raising children which are not his own and he is def NTA. Child in question however might be, considering she is aware she might not be his. At least she will take DNA test.
No moral obligation? Are you serious? They are his kids whether or not he shares DNA. And now he's abusing them because they MIGHT not be his biologically? He ain't the hero of this story. You need to check your morals if you think this is OK.
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Maybe dad is trying to collect proof for the divorce procedings. He may be bluffing in an attempt to make sure none of you side with mom. If he can proove he raised kid/s not his own this could affect the opinion of a judge and society at large.
Is it possible dad is bluffing and just wants proof for the divorce hearing that he raised and paid for a kid/s thats not his? I mean that would protect his assets, possibly including the house & reduce any alimony that might otherwise be due. Maybe he doesn't acually have any proof of affair.
Im having a hard time believing this story. A caring and loving parent could be heartbroken, maybe, but why would that person punish an innocent human? If so that person Is violent devoid of feeling and should not be ops concern.
It is not a punishment against the kid. The kid is innocent of all of this. But you may not want to give money to someone who isn't related to you.
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No sympathy, kid picked an expensive school becuase they werent paying for it so no consideration shown there at all. Go to community college get a job like the rest of us. Also the father is NTA he wasnt the one who cheated in his marriage and expected someone else to raise and care for their indescrections. this falls into my 3 rules of life 1) Milk the teat til its dry 2) Never marry the whore ( obviously the applicable rule here) 3) If youre gonna do something bad, be sneaky.
Bad news for you... the dad ain't the hero of this story.
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I understand the dad. Parenting is absolutely demanding and you put a ton of resources and sacrifices to raise your own offspring. To make this effort only to find out you are being lied to and raising someone else's genes is devastating. Maybe he wants to take the money and live his life from now on. The mom is TA and the bio dad should pay for college.
Not a great look that you understand abusing children for something out of their control.
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I don't believe that one. Her parents are divorcing, the DNA test and she suspects that she isn't the biological child and all she cares about is college? This tings false.
I disagree. She has been raised in a household were 100% paid college tuition at an expensive school was the expectation. She has almost certainly spent at least the last 4 years being pushed to to things to "look good on college applications." She has probably been told her whole life that her future rests on going to a good college. Right now I'm sure she feels that her entire future is being ripped away. Also if the dad is willing to walk away after 18 years, I can only assume he was always a pretty crappy dad.
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I am sorry, but your mother is TA. I am with father. Why he should pay for children of someone else? Your mother can pay for it if she is capable to fck aroud. Hope he will take it to court and you will get some sence in your head.
The amount of people who seem to be fine with someone just abandoning someone they supposedly loved and cared for for 18 years who did nothing wrong is mind boggling. Just what sort of awful parents did you have that you think this is ok?
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That dad is obviously very upset, acting badly but imagine being told your whole life, family, children have been a lie. I think he just wants to protect himself from further hurt. The mother caused this issue, has the op told their dad anything along the lines of “regardless of the result I still love you and you’re still my dad” or is it as it sounds, all about the money?
A father that will reject kids after 18y only for not being his never loved his kids in the ofrst place.
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I mean both are assholes and clearly the dad needs to go to therapy because that’s a doozy. He should take it out on the mother, but honestly who knows how equipped he is for that emotionally he’s basically just trying to take his power back for being lied to years ago. He literally can’t get revenge on his mom through you kids because even if you’re all his, putting you all through this is gonna eff up your relationship forever by revealing the purely conditional nature of his love and care for you despite your shared history. I’m forced to wonder why he didn’t do this when he divorced the mother feels weird it’s only coming up now when it’s close to pay up time.
I think this whole family is a bunch of aholes. The mother for obvious reasons, the father for basically rejecting the daughter he's been raising for so many years and the daughter for only caring about her tuition not being paid.
Its a terrible thing to happen to OP but at the same time, I can relate to the father - he did just find out he has been betrayed by his closest person. Plus, isnt it quite common for biological parents NOT to pay for their child's college tuition? For him to pay and raise someone's child for 18 years - he has done a lot for OP and its not a small thing that can just be written off. A lot of comments call him an AH for being able to just 'switch off his love' but it didnt come out of nowhere - the foundational core of his life has been shaken and turned over its head. And just the same, he can't just 'switch on' his love and prove it by paying through his nose just not to be an asshole.
Eighteen years, eighteen years She got one of your kids, got you for eighteen years I know somebody payin' child support for one of his kids His baby mama car and crib is bigger than his
Yeah how terrible of him to go to a school he was told was paid for. Get real.
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I don't agree. Dad raised those kids as his own. Dad's hurt and lashing out and will regret it later. If the test comes back positive, that kid will always know his dad was willing to leave him stranded.
Load More Replies... Clearly dad is having a major reaction to finding out his marriage and family is not what he thought. I'm hoping this was an immediate and quick outburst for which he will soon apologize. The person who betrayed him was your mother. To blame the kids is horrible. He is the only father you guys have ever had. Can he really turn off his love after two decades? If he can, then he's a piece of dirt. You need to ask him if he's willing to ruin your future and turn his back on you, when you are completely innocent, and when he is the only father you have. I really hope he will come to his senses. I want to know what happens next!
If I was in OP's position and the dad never apologised, I would seriously consider keeping contact to a minimum even if the paternity test did come back positive. He raised these children from the moment they were born, how could he even consider throwing them away like that? Does he love them at all?
Load More Replies... Regardless of what the dad says he isn’t going to do, he could still be responsible for paying for OP’s college education. Divorce courts have decided on things like this before.
And, if they live in a "No Fault" state, Mom will get 50% of that investment account, no matter why they are divorcing. Every asset (or debt) accumulated during the marriage is split, even intellectual property and patent rights developed by one of the spouses.... Ask me how I know.
Load More Replies... His names is on the birth certificate. I have a friend in the states who’s father tried pulling this garbage. DNA test came back that she wasn’t biologically his but the court made him pay a chunk of her tuition anyway and the judge reamed him a new one for being a nasty immature asshat. Name on Birth Certificate did him in in
OP NTA, Parents are definitely AH. They shouldn't have involved the kids in the first place, left alone threatening to cut him off financially. I'm happy to hear OP finally agreed to do DNA test, not to satisfy the dad but for OP own good as now he won't be haunted with "what ifs". Best of luck OP.
God, I hate seeing kids suffer like this for their parents' assholery. Mom is an asshole for cheating and lying. Dad is an asshole for punishing his kids to get back at mom. The kids are caught in the crossfire and none of it is their fault. I hope they both grow up and realise the consequences of their actions. I would take the DNA test for my own peace of mind.
No bloody Dad worthy of the name would ever stop loving the kids he raised as his just because because someone else is the paternal father. Love for your kid is/ should be unconditional. I truly hope this is just an expression of rage and he comes to his senses. I cannot fathom EVER not loving my daughter. It angers me to hear of a guy, even mad as he is, putting his kids through this.
Exactly. How can a person stop loving his children just because they arent his? Then he never loved them in the first place.
Load More Replies... How can you raise a child as your own, then blame them when it turns out they may not be. Dad sounds like a very immature person, who presumably doesn’t want the people he brought up as his children to bring the grandkids round, go on family outings together when he’s too old to take himself, have Christmas at their homes, nurse him when he’s sick or dying etc. Family relationships are a two way street and it’s sad to think that the college money means more to him than his role as a father.
Well, isn't that nice to know? That your dad only pretends to love you because you have his DNA, but if it turns out you don't, he can finally get rid of you. Great for self esteem, no trauma here, will do fine in other relationships, no trust issues in the future... Even if he is his son, just knowing how little dad actually cares is devastating.
calling out the dad for being an a-hole. if he has been their father, raised them, etc., then why 'punish' the kids for his wife's infidelities? and, due to the children being born within the marriage he is going to have quite the case if he wants to disown them should the dna not match. i get the 'i don't want to have to pay for someone else's kid' mindset but, again - this is the time for him to reflect on if he truly loves these kids or was just going through the motions...which is just as much as a betrayal as the mothers actions in regards to deception.
Two rubbish parents. He's going to stop living his kids cuz they're not bio? Doubtful. Sounds like ammunition for the divorce
My sister is adopted. The idea that people need to be genetically related to be family is just crazy to me.
Too much of this kind of thing happening these days. It wouldn't be a popular idea but if children were tested at birth and matched/or not to the father named on the birth certificate it could be avoided. So many children are born out of wedlock now anyway it has lost the stigma it once had in most places and people might think twice about cheating.
I think that kids should always be tested at birth for both parents. Even if the mother didnt cheat mistakes happen at hospitals. It is medically relevant to know who are the biological parents of a baby.
Load More Replies... NTA. Screw both your parents, but ESPECIALLY your father. This man has no love in him, how can you 'love' a child for 18yrs, then hear a whisper they MIGHT (no proof yet) be yours, but you go ahead and threaten to disown and stop loving them because of someone elses mistake. What a horrible human being. I'd do the test privately, if I'm not his kid I wouldn't tell him, let that play on his mind for the rest of his life. If I am his kid, i'd show him the test as proof, then milk the bastar* for free college and ANYTHING else I could get out of him while secretly undermining and gaslighting him for years afterwards out of revenge. The moment I finish college, I write him a nice letter detailing what a POS of a human being he is, you disown him as your father, then i'd take what money I had and pay for a giant billboard near his house/work detailing this story so everyone will know what an awful person he is. How DARE he do this to the child he raised, regardless if it's his biological.
Another case of a parent using the kid as a tool against the other one. Just awful. Figure something else out that doesn't punish the child.
Both parents, assholes. Period. He is barely a sperm donor, whatever the test result is.
This is messy. People do get post secondary without parents support, I did, but I won't lie, it's wasn't easy. I hope the father comes around, an 18 year lie can be quite a wound. In order to add a missing father to a birth certificate where I am requires a DNA test, I often wonder if that test should be a recommended option in the first place.
JFC, why is the 18-year-old the most mature person in this situation? This young adult is probably legally considered a "product of the marriage" despite genetics, and the husband is probably legally the father because laws have not caught up with science. Unfortunately, they are probably also screwed in the need-based financial aid department as well, because legal-dad's income and investments should go on the FAFSA. If legal-dad follows through on the disownment, the kid should get with a lawyer to get a legal document severing that relationship.
Also, where are the siblings in all this? Why aren't they all telling dad off for his BS?
Load More Replies... I've said it once and I will say it again: When adults do stupid and selfish things, the people that pay the most are the children. I understand that the dad is angry with the mother, but he shouldn't take it out on the son. It's not the son's fault that his mother got around. The son doesn't owe the father a DNA test if he doesn't want to do it.
Oh, but he does, especially if he wants a court ruling for money. Not saying it's nice, but that's the way it is.
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Only assholy think the kid did was deliberately choosing an extra expensive college "because dad was paying for it anyway". So what if he was.. sounds like he's been paying for 2 other kids aswell. So what if he said it was OK.. at the time he put the kids happiness above his own monetary situation.. Still a pretty shitty and assholy thing to do as a spoiled kid..
The mom is the AH. If this is in the US, the EFC (expected family contribution) no longer exists for the FAFSA (federal student aid application). He should pick a cheaper school, especially since he's not even out of highschool yet. Go to community college first, then transfer to an affordable school if he still wants or needs a bachelor's at that point. Plenty of people's parents refuse to pay for their college for any number of reasons even for their blood children, people have taken their parents to court over it. He needs to count himself lucky the EFC was abolished, for decades if parents didn't want to pay but the FAFSA said they owed an EFC if they refused there was nothing the student could do but wait until they were 23, get married, or have a kid, to start college (the only things that nulled the EFC).
A lot of people are judging the mother here. People don't just cheat. There's a reason she felt the need to be with someone else. Whatever the reasons, it's none of our business. As for the dad stating that he'd not pay for the kids' education - this is an A-Hole move. These kids have grown up with whom they thought were their mother and father, just because the husband is hurt by this revelation, doesn't mean that he should take his anger out on anyone, especially the kids. He needs to realise that he has had a hand in nurturing them and guiding them through life, to walk away and blame is not only wrong, but downright vicious and cruel. If he does walk, this says so much about him being childish, and inadvertently gives the kids a learning curve in better behaviours, and how to treat others with things go wrong.
Our society has unreal standards for fidelity and ingrained guilt for infidelity. Married couples often have one or both partners seeking love or sex outside the marriage. It's not the end of the world, but people get caught up in shame and embarrassment and want to punish their partner. Honestly admitting who you are and sharing that with your partner avoids issues like this. If you love, make it unconditional love, or it's not really love. "I love you no matter what, and I wish you happiness."
Am I the only one who thinks the entire family is entitled and unconsiderate? I never understood this expectation for parents to always pay for their children's college, even if it ends up bankrupting the parents. Just find a school that's cheaper and go to that, or find an exchange program that will be free (like in Denmark). But that's my opinion, I guess every culture has a different mentality.
A lot of people on here going on about the mum being as bad, if not worse than the dad. We don't know the whole story of why the mum cheated or who with. I'm not condoning her actions in any way but she was a stay at home mum who raised her babies and seems to have at least loved her husband given that she stayed with him for another 17 odd years. Yes it was a selfish thing for her to do and a stupid decision but saying the dad is the victim and it's all the mother's fault seems pretty unfair. Hopefully this kid can find a way to go to college and focus on their future without having to rely on a man who quite honestly don't deserve to be a father if he can be so callous as to abandon a person he's loved and raised simply because of DNA.
Wait, downvote me, but am I the only one who sympathize with his Dad? It's not OP's fault, but is it his dad's? I think I'd be pissed if I raised a child and it turns out it's not his, but the result of a betrayal by someone he thought he could trust, and now, he is called an asshole because he wants to know the truth and don't want to subject himself to ongoing expensive expenses that he shouldn't even have a role in the first place? Do I get this wrong?
Yes you do. No one is blaming the dad for being angry at the mom for living a lie. They are blaming him for emotionally abusing children he raised just because they might not share his DNA. He's a terrible person.
Load More Replies... Yes, you're wrong. Its not the kids fault. You are the only dad they know. Punishing the kids will not erase the events of 18 years ago.
Ask Matthew Vaughn, same thing happened to him. Robert Vaughn was a bit of a d**k.
In most states any judge dealing with this would tell your father that as he was the father in your life, he's the father, DNA or no DNA. Morally he's wrong, legally he's wrong. Paternity is not fatherhood.
Maybe. But paternity is for life. fatherhood is a choice. Is the kid is not yours, you don't have any obligation towards thus person. (especially when 18+) Legal obligations may vary depending your country though.
Load More Replies... Men have had to pay to raise children even when they find out they AREN'T the dad. Courts care about the welfare of the child. That's the point of it. Kid should find a lawyer of their own if the court doesn't assign a child advocate in the divorce case. Dad doesn't decide unilateraly that he won't pay for college, this will be decided by the court, when history is submitted, of promises made to the kids, did he say he'd always pay when they were growing up? Were they counting on this? He raised all the kids for 20 years as if he was their bio-dad? he can't just pull that back. Court will make sure of that. Sorry, dad, you're on the hook.
Not sure that's a valid approach once they turn 18.
Load More Replies... In an instant I wasn't a dad: Wife is forced to pay husband £250,000 for 'tricking' him into believing three sons were his for 21 years after doctors told him he had almost certainly been infertile since birth. https://metro.co.uk/2019/01/06/mum-pays-ex-husband-250000-discovered-three-sons-werent-actually-8314168/ And the follow up interview from the child https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6568027/Son-tricked-mum-thinking-MoneySuperMarket-tycoon-father-breaks-silence-lie.html
Stop being mad, parents are also just people making mistakes, it's not your fault nor you could do anything about it. Second whether you look like your dad or not has nothing to do with not being related to your dad. Third it's only up to you to take test or not but your dad being asshole like he is won't change. He raised your for all this time and now the blood relation is condition to pay for college? I'd tell him shove it up where sun doesn't shine. He is an asshole in relation to you, no matter what happened between your parents. Try to figure out how to do it without him, take a year to work and think about it. You'll manage.
Honestly I think the father should be able to sue the mother for attempting to defraud for child care and expenses for 18+ years for each child that is not his. She did this and the kids and him are having to pay the cost. Lu's the state sould get involved for her commiting fraud on paperwork entered into record and charged in the accordance of falsifying identity. Why should he be liable if he was defrauded.
There us nothing worse than being betrayed particularly by someone made vows to I dont think the dad is a$$hole, just very, very angry. He will come around when he sees what he might lose, children he raised and guided
Ok so you doubt your father is your father but you want him to pay for your tuition? Everyone says dad ITA but in fact. He's NOT. He has been cheated on and everyone wants to take advantage of his money. He is absolutely right for demanding dna tests. A lot of men are being lured into taking care of children who aren't theirs. Ok, he is an sh*thole for not wanting any contact but you just cannot expect a man to pay for everything and hiding the fact that he might not be your childrens father. That's insane. The mother is the HUGE *SS here. Dad is not punishing the children, he is giving the mother back her OWN responsibility. Don't take this out on the dad, he is a victim here. And so are the children. Refusing the DNA but still want to use him for the money, thats selfish. Lots of students WORK for their tuition because they don't have rich parents. Learn some humility and stop acting like a spoiled brat. Go complain with your mom, let HER pay tuition. She has put everyone in this position.
What a s**t take. The dad is emotionally abusing children he raised for 18 years and you want to defend him? Get your head checked.
Load More Replies... I understand dads position. Living a lie for 18 years must hurt pretty bad, especially if he and child didn't manage to form any meaningful relationships over the years. He is under no moral obligation to continue raising children which are not his own and he is def NTA. Child in question however might be, considering she is aware she might not be his. At least she will take DNA test.
No moral obligation? Are you serious? They are his kids whether or not he shares DNA. And now he's abusing them because they MIGHT not be his biologically? He ain't the hero of this story. You need to check your morals if you think this is OK.
Load More Replies... Maybe dad is trying to collect proof for the divorce procedings. He may be bluffing in an attempt to make sure none of you side with mom. If he can proove he raised kid/s not his own this could affect the opinion of a judge and society at large.
Is it possible dad is bluffing and just wants proof for the divorce hearing that he raised and paid for a kid/s thats not his? I mean that would protect his assets, possibly including the house & reduce any alimony that might otherwise be due. Maybe he doesn't acually have any proof of affair.
Im having a hard time believing this story. A caring and loving parent could be heartbroken, maybe, but why would that person punish an innocent human? If so that person Is violent devoid of feeling and should not be ops concern.
It is not a punishment against the kid. The kid is innocent of all of this. But you may not want to give money to someone who isn't related to you.
Load More Replies... No sympathy, kid picked an expensive school becuase they werent paying for it so no consideration shown there at all. Go to community college get a job like the rest of us. Also the father is NTA he wasnt the one who cheated in his marriage and expected someone else to raise and care for their indescrections. this falls into my 3 rules of life 1) Milk the teat til its dry 2) Never marry the whore ( obviously the applicable rule here) 3) If youre gonna do something bad, be sneaky.
Bad news for you... the dad ain't the hero of this story.
Load More Replies... I understand the dad. Parenting is absolutely demanding and you put a ton of resources and sacrifices to raise your own offspring. To make this effort only to find out you are being lied to and raising someone else's genes is devastating. Maybe he wants to take the money and live his life from now on. The mom is TA and the bio dad should pay for college.
Not a great look that you understand abusing children for something out of their control.
Load More Replies... I don't believe that one. Her parents are divorcing, the DNA test and she suspects that she isn't the biological child and all she cares about is college? This tings false.
I disagree. She has been raised in a household were 100% paid college tuition at an expensive school was the expectation. She has almost certainly spent at least the last 4 years being pushed to to things to "look good on college applications." She has probably been told her whole life that her future rests on going to a good college. Right now I'm sure she feels that her entire future is being ripped away. Also if the dad is willing to walk away after 18 years, I can only assume he was always a pretty crappy dad.
Load More Replies... I am sorry, but your mother is TA. I am with father. Why he should pay for children of someone else? Your mother can pay for it if she is capable to fck aroud. Hope he will take it to court and you will get some sence in your head.
The amount of people who seem to be fine with someone just abandoning someone they supposedly loved and cared for for 18 years who did nothing wrong is mind boggling. Just what sort of awful parents did you have that you think this is ok?
Load More Replies... That dad is obviously very upset, acting badly but imagine being told your whole life, family, children have been a lie. I think he just wants to protect himself from further hurt. The mother caused this issue, has the op told their dad anything along the lines of “regardless of the result I still love you and you’re still my dad” or is it as it sounds, all about the money?
A father that will reject kids after 18y only for not being his never loved his kids in the ofrst place.
Load More Replies... I mean both are assholes and clearly the dad needs to go to therapy because that’s a doozy. He should take it out on the mother, but honestly who knows how equipped he is for that emotionally he’s basically just trying to take his power back for being lied to years ago. He literally can’t get revenge on his mom through you kids because even if you’re all his, putting you all through this is gonna eff up your relationship forever by revealing the purely conditional nature of his love and care for you despite your shared history. I’m forced to wonder why he didn’t do this when he divorced the mother feels weird it’s only coming up now when it’s close to pay up time.
I think this whole family is a bunch of aholes. The mother for obvious reasons, the father for basically rejecting the daughter he's been raising for so many years and the daughter for only caring about her tuition not being paid.
Its a terrible thing to happen to OP but at the same time, I can relate to the father - he did just find out he has been betrayed by his closest person. Plus, isnt it quite common for biological parents NOT to pay for their child's college tuition? For him to pay and raise someone's child for 18 years - he has done a lot for OP and its not a small thing that can just be written off. A lot of comments call him an AH for being able to just 'switch off his love' but it didnt come out of nowhere - the foundational core of his life has been shaken and turned over its head. And just the same, he can't just 'switch on' his love and prove it by paying through his nose just not to be an asshole.
Eighteen years, eighteen years She got one of your kids, got you for eighteen years I know somebody payin' child support for one of his kids His baby mama car and crib is bigger than his
Yeah how terrible of him to go to a school he was told was paid for. Get real.
Load More Replies... I don't agree. Dad raised those kids as his own. Dad's hurt and lashing out and will regret it later. If the test comes back positive, that kid will always know his dad was willing to leave him stranded.
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