“My Mother Keeps Crying”: Man Asks Stepson To Start Paying Rent A Day After He Turns 18, He Moves In With His Aunt Instead
Having a blended family isn’t easy. There’ll be fights and disagreements – however, it’s all pretty avoidable if both the stepparent and biological one are ready to commit and make the household a strong and cohesive unit. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t always play out this way.
A Redditor that goes by u/cheeckypanda625 – great name, may I add – recently took online to vent about his stepfather who, out of the blue, decided that it’d be a good idea to make him pay rent.
More info: Reddit | Will Rainey
Man asks stepson to start paying rent a day after his 18th birthday
Image credits: tomson_kz (not the actual photo)
In order to focus on his exams, the schooler found a way to solve the issue, but he ended up being a scapegoat nonetheless
Image credits: cheeckypanda625
“AITA for refusing to get a job and pay rent at my parents’ house?” – this internet user turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members to weigh in on the matter and let him know if he’s indeed a jerk for not wanting to get a job and start paying rent in the midst of his exam preparations when his stepdad demanded him to do so a day after his 18th birthday. The post managed to garner over 20K upvotes as well as 2.3K comments discussing the situation.
It seems like, 9/10 times, there’s always some kind of horror story revolving around a stepfamily, be it a parent or a sibling. Well, the star of today’s article is an 18-year-old student who was trying to dedicate his days to preparing for his A-levels, which, for all of our non-UK-based readers, are basically subject-based qualifications that can lead schoolers to university and further studies or work.
Now, just a day after his big birthday, the guy was faced with a request from his stepfather that he believed to be rather spiteful. He was asked to get a job and start paying rent, and while the charge was fairly doable, it’s not hard to understand why the demand severely interfered with his plans. The student was aiming for perfect marks, A* grades to be exact, which would require a lot of effort and most of his time. Thanks to his aunt, he found a way to get out of the situation – however, he was still left to blame.
To get a more in-depth view of the matter, Bored Panda got in touch with Will Rainey. “I’m an award-winning writer and speaker focused on helping parents teach their kids about money. I’m the author of the children’s book, Grandpa’s Fortune Fables. My work has appeared in the Financial Times, iNews, and The National News,” the man said when we invited him to introduce himself to our readers.
We asked our expert to share his take on parents who charge their offspring rent or kick them out as soon as they turn 18, to which he responded as follows: “I don’t believe parents should kick their offspring out of the house as they turn 18. Whilst I do believe parents should help their kids learn about budgeting and managing expenses, this should be done in a collaborative and inclusive manner. For example, agreeing with the offspring that they contribute an affordable amount of money towards the household. Even if this money is saved by the parents for when the offspring eventually moves out of the house.”
Who would’ve thought that everything we think, say, and do has consequences for ourselves and for others
Image credits: kathryn (not the actual photo)
“Whilst learning about money is important, it should not be at the detriment of the family relationship. I feel that using money as a punishment can lead to longer-term financial issues as those that see money in a negative light are less likely to engage in learning about money and seeking financial help.”
We then pondered if this sort of independence actually benefits the young adult: “At 18, I left home to study at university. I had to use a student loan to pay for my accommodation and this independence benefited me as I had to learn to budget and money management. However, I had a good relationship with my parents and they didn’t charge me rent during the holidays. Therefore, I saw this level of independence as a positive experience. The key difference between my experience and the one in the article is that I felt it was done in collaboration with my parents, rather than forced onto me or used as a punishment.”
“If this was just about the money then both parties should be open to a conversation which allows the young adult to stay in the family home and start to take on some financial responsibility. The situation in the article seems to be more focused on family tension, with money just being a weapon (i.e. I don’t believe the step-father would be happy even if the offspring paid the rent). I’m not an expert in family relationships but I think a person in this situation should seek help from family counseling or try to have an open conversation with the stepfather about their relationship without referring to money,” Will Rainey responded when we asked him what should a person do if they find themselves in a similar scenario.
Last but not least, we wondered if there was anything else the man wanted to add: “A lot of parents are worrying about their kids growing up being ‘entitled.’ I would therefore recommend that parents do find ways to help their kids appreciate the value of money and teach them about managing money. This should be done gradually over time, rather than ‘Today, everything is going to be different!!’ For example, rather than paying for certain things for their offspring as they occur, e.g. trips to the cinema, they give them a set monthly amount and let them decide when and where to spend it. If they spend it all quickly, then they will learn for the future. Also, encouraging offspring, especially teenagers, to find ways to earn money helps them appreciate the value of money.”
“The key is to make it collaborative. Help them see that you are trying to prepare them for the real world. If not, they could believe that you are just punishing them.”
What do you think about this situation?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the situation
Image credits: Larry Lamsa (not the actual photo)
408Kviews
Share on Facebook
I can't help but wonder if step dad is sabotaging OP. making sure he doesn't get ahead and 'think he's better than them' or something
Guaranteed that's going to be a factor. If his little under-9's aren't showing signs of prodigy, they'll be under a hell of a lot of pressure to live up to the standards OP is setting (4 A*?!) Far easier to put OP in her place - tall poppy syndrome and all that.
Load More Replies...
As a fellow Brit, my opinion is OP's stepfather is 100% the AH. It is so expensive going through university right now and OP is at a key time in his education. If he gets worse grades due to having to work to pay rent then he could miss out on his university course. OP seems to have his head screwed on and is absolutely not the AH and I hope he realises that. He should also sit his Mum down and have an honest and frank conversation with her... maybe use his post here as a guide. She needs to realise what her life choices are doing to her son. And I hope he does not let her guilt him into staying. He's lucky he has the Aunt, but something tells me he's very aware of that.
The mother is an adult. The mother is fully aware of the situation. The mother is fully aware of the consequences. Sitting her down will be of little to no benefit if she has already processed this far. People learn best from experiencing consequences, not from having them explained in advance.
Load More Replies...
My son is 26 and a full-time student. In lieu of rent he runs errands for his stepdad and me (we're both disabled and I'm a student, too) He now has substantial savings from a previous part time job. I wouldn't take money from him outside of a SERIOUS emergency. This stepdad is an asshat
My mum had a rule that if you're studying anything, even part time, you didn't have to pay anything to live with her.
Load More Replies...
Is he me?! Literally the same situation! But my mom is horrible too, in a different way, and Im moving in with my grandma. Being the bastard in their 'happy family' is hard man
I'm sorry you had to go through this. Your grandma is a saint. Good luck at Uni :)
Load More Replies...
I was charged rent once I turned 18, but that was always conditional. If I was working, then I contribute a little to my living expenses. If I was in full time education, I did not have to. I think that was fair (part time education did not come up, but realistically would have been a discussion). That offer extended throughout any potential uni, so if I had gone full on PHD and still lived at home, I would not have been asked for anything. My mother did not hide behind some BS about preparing me for the real world. She was upfront about the whole thing, if I am an adult and working full time, she shouldn't have to cover all of my living expenses while I live the life of Riley. But if I was in education, that was what parents are supposed to do. I respected that. She also stopped charging me rent when I was saving to move out.
Do not got back to that toxic place. That is not your home. That Bible thumping, self righteous id*ot will always do something to cut your head so you will not move ahead of them. As for your mom, let her listen to the song “I hope that u’r okay” by Olivia Rodrigo. There is a line in that song about parents loving the Bible more than their son and also about how with some people, family is merely blood. This is so your biological mother and her husband.
Just wait til OP finishes medical school and starts earning a doctor’s salary. Then Stepdad will start “righteously” twisting himself up like a pretzel trying to deny/gaslight, deny,/gaslight, deny/gaslight that he ever acted in such an unchristian manner, just so he can get on OP’s good side. Mom will be twisting herself up right behind him—-unless she wakes up, wisens up, realizes that the stuff coming out his a*****e is b******t instead of sunshine, divorces him, takes HALF of all he’s got PLUS really hefty child support, and apologizes profusely to her son for allowing herself to get so brainwashed that she went along with Stepdad’s b******t. She had the gumption to leave her first husband. She can do it again. I hope.
My parents were this way, with me, but earning money didn't make them want my favor. When I was successful in school, they told everyone I was a troubled child, or antisocial. When I graduated with honors, my step parents told everyone I was a poor student, and lazy, and kicked me out. Then they said I didn't pay my bills. Then they said I wasn't working, at all. They lied to everyone saying they were paying my loans (they never paid for anything.) Every time I met a major milestone, did anything awesome, or afforded something they couldn't, they would -as you said- deny/gaslight. I am now full no-contact, and my world feels so much brighter. If OP's step parent can't abide by OP being a successful step child, no amount of money, or success, will ever be good enough.
Load More Replies...
Dude your step-dad is no Christian but an insecure bully who serves his own god. He's a disgrace to real Christians. Period. Do NOT return to that house to visit. Meet your mum somewhere else. Thank goodness for a loving aunt. I'm guessing that Jack...s treated you " step" growing up. Don't allow him in any area of your life again, graduation, wedding, your future childrens lives. You didn't bring him into your life, your mum has to own that. He will never be happy for you or celebrate your achievements but will be ready to critique. You can love your mum without him around you. Your future is bright and I'll pray for you to get those AAAAs.
"I'm a reminder that he married a non-virgin divorcee?" Wait was someone standing over him with a gun when he proposed to her? Didn't you exist when he was proposing to her? How was his chastity? I mean how is he a Christian and get off being such a sanctimonious hypocrite because someone sins differently than he does? Last time I checked Jesus died to save all and we all have sinned. We are all sinners saved by grace. Where is his graciousness? Enjoy your stay at Auntie's, study hard and God bless you with success in your A-Levels. (Ooh, I remember doing my O-Levels...rough times! 😆)
The step dad didn't say that. That's OPs assumption.
Load More Replies...
Is it just me or do these "conservative Christians" seem to be the least Christian people ever?
I've also noticed that for Christians they sure do like the Torah.
Load More Replies...
Having grown up with a stepfather, I could expound on the topic for DAYS and tell things my stepfather did to me that'd make y'all's hair turn white, all out of spite or power plays. OP is definitely NTA here: frankly, I think the biggest AH is his mother for not standing up for her child and doing what she knows to be right. Wonderful, he has a relative willing to help him while he works toward his very admirable goals.
You should start paying rent when you start earning, not before.
How you gonna ask for rent and then get mad when they decline and move out? That's wild. I would've done the same thing. You can ask all you want but it doesn't mean it has to be accepted. Hope this guy gets the best out of life 👏 Good on him for moving out.
My thoughts are this person is doing the right thing. They need to concentrate on their studies. And well done to the aunt for enabling this to happen. This person needs to contact the school, and let them know he has moved. They would be wise to think about who is recorded as 'primary contact' at school (eg if the student has an accident, who should the school call).
One of my friend is also suffering from same thing. His step father forced his mother to divorce her ex husband by convincing her that he will take good care of me and her but after few years of marriage he started humiliating them and wanted his mother to send me back either to my father who abandoned them when he was not even two years of age or to his maternal grandmother. He is not even 18. He wants his mother to accept his niece and nephews their kids bcuz there are no children from their marriage.
After I graduated HS (I was barely 17) mom said go to school, no rent. Work full-time, minimal rent. It started when I turned 18, so I took off the summer from my 2 jobs and had fun. Then i went to work and paid $150 a month (1983). When I moved out, everything I'd ever paid she used to help me furnish my apartment and stock my kitchen. But if I'd been in school, I wouldn't have paid anything. Step-dad is a butt
My mom's boyfriend did this to me. The day I turned 28 I had to pay rent. I was already working and paying all my bills. Food clothing doctors etc. On top of this he wanted me to pay 100 dollars a month. This was back in the day when minimum age was 3.32 an hour. Which I had to pay while going to high school. This was a guy that always had hundred dollar bills in his wallet.
You didn't have to pay rent until you were 28? Lucky. Jk jk. I knew you meant 18. I just had a laugh
Load More Replies...
Leave and go to your (very kind) aunt. Study hard and become a great doctor! You stepfather is a narcissist. He wants to control you and degrade you at the same time. Your mother sad to say, being married to a narcissist is stuck, because a narcissist will control everything she does and eventually, think. Her head is messed up by him, so don't blame her for what's going on. Step is behaving this way because by leaving, he can no longer control you, or what you do with your life. Just go ahead and do your thing, because he won't change, and your mother will probably never leave him. He has probably made her totally dependant upon him for everything.
My parents did the same thing almost. Except as the girl, it was more "do exactly as I say under my roof" (which was 'only go to work and school, no visiting friends or having them over') So I did the only sane thing and got out from under his roof. And yes, the best revenge is to do well in life without his input. Don't be too hard on mom, sometimes it's hard to see a way out when you are a mom of young ones and financially dependant.
I agree with you, except about the mother. She's complicit. She just doesn't want to look bad, so she's crying to pretend she has no choice. It's a game that co-dependent parents play. She will cry, but take no action, so that everyone treats her like a victim. It lets her get her way, without consequences. Women aren't victims just because they are married, or just because they are women. She has an equal say. She's just unwilling to change anything.
Load More Replies... 
@may I really don’t understand why some tw*ts downvoted your post. Thanks for posting that, have an upvote
Load More Replies...
Absolutely NTA. Now, paying rent is all fine and dandy but this stepdad is only doing this to exert control over them. If their mom was actually that upset then she would've stood up for them. Frankly, I think we should all give Aunty a round of applause. Good on her for stepping up for all the right reasons. This teen should take this opportunity to let dear old mummy know exactly how àss it was to be replaced like you were a screw up that needed a do-over. Be cordial to your siblings, for now... As for dear ol' step Dad, forget him. If all you are is a dollar sign, er, pound sign to him, then so be it.
I never undertand this kind of 'power trip' ppl like this stepdad like to engage with an 18-year old. What an AH. And I'm so happy he has an aunt willing to step in and help OP. I wish him the best of luck.
I wouldn't visit. You are being treated like a 2nd class citizen in your own home and your mom is supporting that treatment. Leave and don't look back. Make it clear why once you've gotten out of there (and out of your aunt's place) to uni. Your mother made her choice and doesn't deserve you. Best of luck on your exams! I wish you great success! (Also, don't be surprised if your stepdad tries to get money out of you once you are successful and don't be afraid to give him the finger!) --I'd visit the aunt though. She's a treasure.
$800 / monthly? To rent a f*****g room?! Add $200 more to that and you could rent a whole 1 bedroom Apt !!! Mom has chosen to let her child be bullied and ran out of the home, therefore mom is a c**t & she needs to quit crying because she caused this s**t.
Oh man. You're just a kid and going through that kind of sh*t. Good thing your aunt stepped in to help. Your stepdad is the AH.
Nta. Play stupid games, win stupid prises. Good for op getting out of that toxic environment.
I like how he is described as conservative and christain as if they are negative. The complacency of these generation is out of control. Yes throwing him out into the street is not an option, but at what age are parents allowed to instill their own beliefs onto their child. Being independent and learning the world doesnt hand you anything is a valuable lesson. Alot of these parents saying to coddle your child at 18! Your children will be the ones not being able to problem solve and deleting theirself for not being able to do anything on their own. Their is a reason our military doesnt do breast feeding as a training exercise. SELF RELIANCE is important.
The only ah here is the freeloading mother that makes poor relationship choices and expecting another man to pay for the consequences of her poor relationship choices
Its really messed up that the mother won't standup for her son. Sounds like this young man has a pretty good head on his shoulders. Hope he does well.
So much nepotism coming from step dad it's palpable. Just because OP was the product of a relationship that didn't involve A*****e Step Dad. I would go ahead and move in with my aunt too in this instance as well as telling Step Dad where to stick it after egging his car. Bonus points if it's expensive
Perhaps your mother is crying all the time becuase she has realized she married a total d**k.
Guys, guys! We've all (including Bored Panda) fallen for the STEM stereotype. OP is a girl.
The title says "stepson," though? Was the article posted incorrectly?
Load More Replies...
This definitely isn't about "preparing him for real world". The kids not lounging around doing nothing and leeching of his family. It's clear he already has the proper mindet for his independence. If this was really about educating him they would be imparting practical knowledge that he would need after leaving but they're not, this is just peak petty and aweful parenting. At least he's not completely void of a Familial Safety Net with his Aunt in the picture. I wish him success in spite of his parents BS.
I agree it's not being anything LIKE a good Christian to charge your children rent when you don't pay any bills for them. Except the rent and utilities. Plus he is getting a credit from the government for the child since he is still a full time student. Definitely see if you can get that credit transferred to your aunt.
Not very christian of him is it 🤦your focus should be on school. Makes me wonder if he would still expect you to follow rules as a child like curfew etc. Because tenants don't have family rules. Glad you got out.
Man you can sure see Alot of bums with no jobs that are living in their parents basement in the comments lots of people with there hands out expecting everything for free with no responsibility on themselves all of you siding with that loser 18 year old that is probably majoring in gender studies or something else probably completely f*****g useless are a bunch of trash that are drains on your families. You disown and cut ties with bums not baby them
That adult that is now 18 that still wants to be 15 needs to grow up and stop living off other people kid should be cut off the step dad and mom did the right thing it's called sink or swim act like a adult and contribute to the household or get out stop being a bum
At least he is giving you the option. Day after my 18th, my bags were packed and I was kicked out.
I’m in the UK. Was made to get a job and start paying rent at 16. I was just sitting my GCSEs and stayed for A-Levels. So…
So I have to wonder where his bio dad is, if this was divorce and not widowing. Just in case OP could get some mental/emotional support there, if not financial. Poor young OP, a friggin date on a calendar does not make anyone independent and in a situation yo supportvthemselves. Parents who do this are petty, jealous, vengeful, insecure.
I had a similar experience. I was working part time (In US) and going to school. My step-dad wanted me to.pay $150 a month which wasn't a lot but for me it was. He and my mom weren't helping me pay for school plus I had to buy my books, food (when I was out) , and other materials. Working 3 days a week at $8/hr. Yeah he and mom both worked and had good paying jobs. I didn't qualify for financial aid because of this. They didn't need my money but wanted to teach me responsibility...Yeah right.
My stepson's mother kicked him out right after he turned 18. Right after he turned 17, his father, my husband died. He went on to graduate high school. His mother didn't need the money but she threw him out anyway. So I took him in. Until he got a job or went to further his education, he helped me around the house since I'm disabled. In 3 days he starts a fantastic job, making good money with great benefits.
Go be free young man and have a happy life! All of us believe in your future success.
My child is going to college and will graduate at 20. Her part-time job pays for gas for the extra car, coffees, and doing fun college stuff college age kids want to do. She will not pay ANYTHING until she has a REAL JOB. A mere $50 a month from birth paid for her two year tech school program. When she's working, I expect money towards the mortgage/strata fees and food, with the rest going to living her life and saving, but until then, she is my child, and will be cared for as a child should be. Rents here are ridiculous, she's getting a real deal by staying home. THE STEPDAD is being a D*CK. No child is ready to pay rent at 18.
NTA. OP should definitely move out of that cesspit called a home and move in with his aunt. The stepfather is a bully and a tyrant; the mother is doing nothing to protect her offspring. She has failed as a parent. SF is fooling no one with his so-called Christian persona. If the clergy and the attendees at his church knew what was going on, he would become a social pariah overnight. OP needs to go on with his life; there's a great big world out there, and it needs him. He should move in with his aunt and not look back, but forward. If he wants to keep in touch with his mother, it should be on HIS terms, and no one else's. Edit: The stepfather should read I Timothy 5:8: "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Food for thought.
He right and he's wrong .. in black ppl house hold this is normal and well 100 a month u gettin off easy .. I understand your situation with school and that is the part where he is wrong cause ur gonna need that cash but also on the flip there in nowhere on the planet u can live for free and trust me your aunt will get tired of that arrangement... I wish you well
That's not true, I am black and the goal was high school graduation for most of my friends and classmates. Even those who had birthdays before graduation. They might start warning, "June 21st is graduation day and freedom day" but any parent pulling this on a kid in the middle of exams is sabotaging their own child. In the US, we have SAT, ACT, AP, IB, mid semester and final exams. Only a shortsighted person would miss that your final grades determine your future and admission to university.
Load More Replies...
Big yikes for the religious thing. Double yikes for placing the blame on a kid for being born and the wife being "impure" when they got married (*ahem* he chose to be with her, so....argument invalid). OP needs to do whatever it takes to make sure THEIR OWN FUTURE is secure, and not worry about what "stepdad" thinks or says. I sense some alpha-male jealousy going on here....
The mum's a piece of s**t for allowing her ah husband to act this way towards her own son. Good on the boy.
This is sad. Whether or not the stepdad is being spiteful is beside the point. If you don't have your aunt what's you option? Pay 4x that and still go to school? Minimum. I'll bet you didn't put in the article how you don't clean up after yourself and constantly use things without replenishing them. It's clear there's a wave of entitled CHILDREN out there. Do you think these supplies for life just magically appear? I'll bet it doesn't show how hard your dad has been grinding while you complain "the internet is being weird". You know what we do is we charge the kids rent. Without saying anything we save that Trent and give that to them when they need money or when they move out. And 100lb!?! That's nothing! That's easily 10-12 hrs a week! 3- 3 hour shifts. Life is hard. Suck it up buttercup. All these people with their phd's had to work HARD. It wasn't a smooth road. That's why you make money after.
I think son did most mature thing he could in circumstances. Like he accepted that he has to pay rent, found solution and is doing best to finish his education. I think stepdad is real a****** here, mother too because she didn't have talk with him. In my personal opinion, as long as kid is studying and doing really well, like he is going for all A, I think he should be allowed to live rent free while he is focusing on school. So living with aunt is fine solution to this issue, so he can get education needed to work in field of his choice. As someone who did study and work, I can tell you that it really makes things a lot harder, even when you aren't aiming for perfection. Plus this feels like OP is showing signs of being the prodigal son,while sfepdads maybe aren't and he is trying to sabotage him. Sure at 9 not all things are clear, I fir example had to do quite detour through secondary school to university, because my grades vastly improved after primary school.
Just to add, that also helped me to get more confidence, fill gaps I had left after primary school and set me on much better path. Like I went from having C at best, to mostly A and B. Sure no prodigy, but just saying that just because at early age, they aren't doing well in school, this doesn't mean that they are doomed.
Load More Replies... 
I can't help but wonder if step dad is sabotaging OP. making sure he doesn't get ahead and 'think he's better than them' or something
Guaranteed that's going to be a factor. If his little under-9's aren't showing signs of prodigy, they'll be under a hell of a lot of pressure to live up to the standards OP is setting (4 A*?!) Far easier to put OP in her place - tall poppy syndrome and all that.
Load More Replies... As a fellow Brit, my opinion is OP's stepfather is 100% the AH. It is so expensive going through university right now and OP is at a key time in his education. If he gets worse grades due to having to work to pay rent then he could miss out on his university course. OP seems to have his head screwed on and is absolutely not the AH and I hope he realises that. He should also sit his Mum down and have an honest and frank conversation with her... maybe use his post here as a guide. She needs to realise what her life choices are doing to her son. And I hope he does not let her guilt him into staying. He's lucky he has the Aunt, but something tells me he's very aware of that.
The mother is an adult. The mother is fully aware of the situation. The mother is fully aware of the consequences. Sitting her down will be of little to no benefit if she has already processed this far. People learn best from experiencing consequences, not from having them explained in advance.
Load More Replies... My son is 26 and a full-time student. In lieu of rent he runs errands for his stepdad and me (we're both disabled and I'm a student, too) He now has substantial savings from a previous part time job. I wouldn't take money from him outside of a SERIOUS emergency. This stepdad is an asshat
My mum had a rule that if you're studying anything, even part time, you didn't have to pay anything to live with her.
Load More Replies... Is he me?! Literally the same situation! But my mom is horrible too, in a different way, and Im moving in with my grandma. Being the bastard in their 'happy family' is hard man
I'm sorry you had to go through this. Your grandma is a saint. Good luck at Uni :)
Load More Replies... I was charged rent once I turned 18, but that was always conditional. If I was working, then I contribute a little to my living expenses. If I was in full time education, I did not have to. I think that was fair (part time education did not come up, but realistically would have been a discussion). That offer extended throughout any potential uni, so if I had gone full on PHD and still lived at home, I would not have been asked for anything. My mother did not hide behind some BS about preparing me for the real world. She was upfront about the whole thing, if I am an adult and working full time, she shouldn't have to cover all of my living expenses while I live the life of Riley. But if I was in education, that was what parents are supposed to do. I respected that. She also stopped charging me rent when I was saving to move out.
Do not got back to that toxic place. That is not your home. That Bible thumping, self righteous id*ot will always do something to cut your head so you will not move ahead of them. As for your mom, let her listen to the song “I hope that u’r okay” by Olivia Rodrigo. There is a line in that song about parents loving the Bible more than their son and also about how with some people, family is merely blood. This is so your biological mother and her husband.
Just wait til OP finishes medical school and starts earning a doctor’s salary. Then Stepdad will start “righteously” twisting himself up like a pretzel trying to deny/gaslight, deny,/gaslight, deny/gaslight that he ever acted in such an unchristian manner, just so he can get on OP’s good side. Mom will be twisting herself up right behind him—-unless she wakes up, wisens up, realizes that the stuff coming out his a*****e is b******t instead of sunshine, divorces him, takes HALF of all he’s got PLUS really hefty child support, and apologizes profusely to her son for allowing herself to get so brainwashed that she went along with Stepdad’s b******t. She had the gumption to leave her first husband. She can do it again. I hope.
My parents were this way, with me, but earning money didn't make them want my favor. When I was successful in school, they told everyone I was a troubled child, or antisocial. When I graduated with honors, my step parents told everyone I was a poor student, and lazy, and kicked me out. Then they said I didn't pay my bills. Then they said I wasn't working, at all. They lied to everyone saying they were paying my loans (they never paid for anything.) Every time I met a major milestone, did anything awesome, or afforded something they couldn't, they would -as you said- deny/gaslight. I am now full no-contact, and my world feels so much brighter. If OP's step parent can't abide by OP being a successful step child, no amount of money, or success, will ever be good enough.
Load More Replies... Dude your step-dad is no Christian but an insecure bully who serves his own god. He's a disgrace to real Christians. Period. Do NOT return to that house to visit. Meet your mum somewhere else. Thank goodness for a loving aunt. I'm guessing that Jack...s treated you " step" growing up. Don't allow him in any area of your life again, graduation, wedding, your future childrens lives. You didn't bring him into your life, your mum has to own that. He will never be happy for you or celebrate your achievements but will be ready to critique. You can love your mum without him around you. Your future is bright and I'll pray for you to get those AAAAs.
"I'm a reminder that he married a non-virgin divorcee?" Wait was someone standing over him with a gun when he proposed to her? Didn't you exist when he was proposing to her? How was his chastity? I mean how is he a Christian and get off being such a sanctimonious hypocrite because someone sins differently than he does? Last time I checked Jesus died to save all and we all have sinned. We are all sinners saved by grace. Where is his graciousness? Enjoy your stay at Auntie's, study hard and God bless you with success in your A-Levels. (Ooh, I remember doing my O-Levels...rough times! 😆)
The step dad didn't say that. That's OPs assumption.
Load More Replies... Is it just me or do these "conservative Christians" seem to be the least Christian people ever?
I've also noticed that for Christians they sure do like the Torah.
Load More Replies... Having grown up with a stepfather, I could expound on the topic for DAYS and tell things my stepfather did to me that'd make y'all's hair turn white, all out of spite or power plays. OP is definitely NTA here: frankly, I think the biggest AH is his mother for not standing up for her child and doing what she knows to be right. Wonderful, he has a relative willing to help him while he works toward his very admirable goals.
You should start paying rent when you start earning, not before.
How you gonna ask for rent and then get mad when they decline and move out? That's wild. I would've done the same thing. You can ask all you want but it doesn't mean it has to be accepted. Hope this guy gets the best out of life 👏 Good on him for moving out.
My thoughts are this person is doing the right thing. They need to concentrate on their studies. And well done to the aunt for enabling this to happen. This person needs to contact the school, and let them know he has moved. They would be wise to think about who is recorded as 'primary contact' at school (eg if the student has an accident, who should the school call).
One of my friend is also suffering from same thing. His step father forced his mother to divorce her ex husband by convincing her that he will take good care of me and her but after few years of marriage he started humiliating them and wanted his mother to send me back either to my father who abandoned them when he was not even two years of age or to his maternal grandmother. He is not even 18. He wants his mother to accept his niece and nephews their kids bcuz there are no children from their marriage.
After I graduated HS (I was barely 17) mom said go to school, no rent. Work full-time, minimal rent. It started when I turned 18, so I took off the summer from my 2 jobs and had fun. Then i went to work and paid $150 a month (1983). When I moved out, everything I'd ever paid she used to help me furnish my apartment and stock my kitchen. But if I'd been in school, I wouldn't have paid anything. Step-dad is a butt
My mom's boyfriend did this to me. The day I turned 28 I had to pay rent. I was already working and paying all my bills. Food clothing doctors etc. On top of this he wanted me to pay 100 dollars a month. This was back in the day when minimum age was 3.32 an hour. Which I had to pay while going to high school. This was a guy that always had hundred dollar bills in his wallet.
You didn't have to pay rent until you were 28? Lucky. Jk jk. I knew you meant 18. I just had a laugh
Load More Replies... Leave and go to your (very kind) aunt. Study hard and become a great doctor! You stepfather is a narcissist. He wants to control you and degrade you at the same time. Your mother sad to say, being married to a narcissist is stuck, because a narcissist will control everything she does and eventually, think. Her head is messed up by him, so don't blame her for what's going on. Step is behaving this way because by leaving, he can no longer control you, or what you do with your life. Just go ahead and do your thing, because he won't change, and your mother will probably never leave him. He has probably made her totally dependant upon him for everything.
My parents did the same thing almost. Except as the girl, it was more "do exactly as I say under my roof" (which was 'only go to work and school, no visiting friends or having them over') So I did the only sane thing and got out from under his roof. And yes, the best revenge is to do well in life without his input. Don't be too hard on mom, sometimes it's hard to see a way out when you are a mom of young ones and financially dependant.
I agree with you, except about the mother. She's complicit. She just doesn't want to look bad, so she's crying to pretend she has no choice. It's a game that co-dependent parents play. She will cry, but take no action, so that everyone treats her like a victim. It lets her get her way, without consequences. Women aren't victims just because they are married, or just because they are women. She has an equal say. She's just unwilling to change anything.
Load More Replies... @may I really don’t understand why some tw*ts downvoted your post. Thanks for posting that, have an upvote
Load More Replies... Absolutely NTA. Now, paying rent is all fine and dandy but this stepdad is only doing this to exert control over them. If their mom was actually that upset then she would've stood up for them. Frankly, I think we should all give Aunty a round of applause. Good on her for stepping up for all the right reasons. This teen should take this opportunity to let dear old mummy know exactly how àss it was to be replaced like you were a screw up that needed a do-over. Be cordial to your siblings, for now... As for dear ol' step Dad, forget him. If all you are is a dollar sign, er, pound sign to him, then so be it.
I never undertand this kind of 'power trip' ppl like this stepdad like to engage with an 18-year old. What an AH. And I'm so happy he has an aunt willing to step in and help OP. I wish him the best of luck.
I wouldn't visit. You are being treated like a 2nd class citizen in your own home and your mom is supporting that treatment. Leave and don't look back. Make it clear why once you've gotten out of there (and out of your aunt's place) to uni. Your mother made her choice and doesn't deserve you. Best of luck on your exams! I wish you great success! (Also, don't be surprised if your stepdad tries to get money out of you once you are successful and don't be afraid to give him the finger!) --I'd visit the aunt though. She's a treasure.
$800 / monthly? To rent a f*****g room?! Add $200 more to that and you could rent a whole 1 bedroom Apt !!! Mom has chosen to let her child be bullied and ran out of the home, therefore mom is a c**t & she needs to quit crying because she caused this s**t.
Oh man. You're just a kid and going through that kind of sh*t. Good thing your aunt stepped in to help. Your stepdad is the AH.
Nta. Play stupid games, win stupid prises. Good for op getting out of that toxic environment.
I like how he is described as conservative and christain as if they are negative. The complacency of these generation is out of control. Yes throwing him out into the street is not an option, but at what age are parents allowed to instill their own beliefs onto their child. Being independent and learning the world doesnt hand you anything is a valuable lesson. Alot of these parents saying to coddle your child at 18! Your children will be the ones not being able to problem solve and deleting theirself for not being able to do anything on their own. Their is a reason our military doesnt do breast feeding as a training exercise. SELF RELIANCE is important.
The only ah here is the freeloading mother that makes poor relationship choices and expecting another man to pay for the consequences of her poor relationship choices
Its really messed up that the mother won't standup for her son. Sounds like this young man has a pretty good head on his shoulders. Hope he does well.
So much nepotism coming from step dad it's palpable. Just because OP was the product of a relationship that didn't involve A*****e Step Dad. I would go ahead and move in with my aunt too in this instance as well as telling Step Dad where to stick it after egging his car. Bonus points if it's expensive
Perhaps your mother is crying all the time becuase she has realized she married a total d**k.
Guys, guys! We've all (including Bored Panda) fallen for the STEM stereotype. OP is a girl.
The title says "stepson," though? Was the article posted incorrectly?
Load More Replies... This definitely isn't about "preparing him for real world". The kids not lounging around doing nothing and leeching of his family. It's clear he already has the proper mindet for his independence. If this was really about educating him they would be imparting practical knowledge that he would need after leaving but they're not, this is just peak petty and aweful parenting. At least he's not completely void of a Familial Safety Net with his Aunt in the picture. I wish him success in spite of his parents BS.
I agree it's not being anything LIKE a good Christian to charge your children rent when you don't pay any bills for them. Except the rent and utilities. Plus he is getting a credit from the government for the child since he is still a full time student. Definitely see if you can get that credit transferred to your aunt.
Not very christian of him is it 🤦your focus should be on school. Makes me wonder if he would still expect you to follow rules as a child like curfew etc. Because tenants don't have family rules. Glad you got out.
Man you can sure see Alot of bums with no jobs that are living in their parents basement in the comments lots of people with there hands out expecting everything for free with no responsibility on themselves all of you siding with that loser 18 year old that is probably majoring in gender studies or something else probably completely f*****g useless are a bunch of trash that are drains on your families. You disown and cut ties with bums not baby them
That adult that is now 18 that still wants to be 15 needs to grow up and stop living off other people kid should be cut off the step dad and mom did the right thing it's called sink or swim act like a adult and contribute to the household or get out stop being a bum
At least he is giving you the option. Day after my 18th, my bags were packed and I was kicked out.
I’m in the UK. Was made to get a job and start paying rent at 16. I was just sitting my GCSEs and stayed for A-Levels. So…
So I have to wonder where his bio dad is, if this was divorce and not widowing. Just in case OP could get some mental/emotional support there, if not financial. Poor young OP, a friggin date on a calendar does not make anyone independent and in a situation yo supportvthemselves. Parents who do this are petty, jealous, vengeful, insecure.
I had a similar experience. I was working part time (In US) and going to school. My step-dad wanted me to.pay $150 a month which wasn't a lot but for me it was. He and my mom weren't helping me pay for school plus I had to buy my books, food (when I was out) , and other materials. Working 3 days a week at $8/hr. Yeah he and mom both worked and had good paying jobs. I didn't qualify for financial aid because of this. They didn't need my money but wanted to teach me responsibility...Yeah right.
My stepson's mother kicked him out right after he turned 18. Right after he turned 17, his father, my husband died. He went on to graduate high school. His mother didn't need the money but she threw him out anyway. So I took him in. Until he got a job or went to further his education, he helped me around the house since I'm disabled. In 3 days he starts a fantastic job, making good money with great benefits.
Go be free young man and have a happy life! All of us believe in your future success.
My child is going to college and will graduate at 20. Her part-time job pays for gas for the extra car, coffees, and doing fun college stuff college age kids want to do. She will not pay ANYTHING until she has a REAL JOB. A mere $50 a month from birth paid for her two year tech school program. When she's working, I expect money towards the mortgage/strata fees and food, with the rest going to living her life and saving, but until then, she is my child, and will be cared for as a child should be. Rents here are ridiculous, she's getting a real deal by staying home. THE STEPDAD is being a D*CK. No child is ready to pay rent at 18.
NTA. OP should definitely move out of that cesspit called a home and move in with his aunt. The stepfather is a bully and a tyrant; the mother is doing nothing to protect her offspring. She has failed as a parent. SF is fooling no one with his so-called Christian persona. If the clergy and the attendees at his church knew what was going on, he would become a social pariah overnight. OP needs to go on with his life; there's a great big world out there, and it needs him. He should move in with his aunt and not look back, but forward. If he wants to keep in touch with his mother, it should be on HIS terms, and no one else's. Edit: The stepfather should read I Timothy 5:8: "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Food for thought.
He right and he's wrong .. in black ppl house hold this is normal and well 100 a month u gettin off easy .. I understand your situation with school and that is the part where he is wrong cause ur gonna need that cash but also on the flip there in nowhere on the planet u can live for free and trust me your aunt will get tired of that arrangement... I wish you well
That's not true, I am black and the goal was high school graduation for most of my friends and classmates. Even those who had birthdays before graduation. They might start warning, "June 21st is graduation day and freedom day" but any parent pulling this on a kid in the middle of exams is sabotaging their own child. In the US, we have SAT, ACT, AP, IB, mid semester and final exams. Only a shortsighted person would miss that your final grades determine your future and admission to university.
Load More Replies... Big yikes for the religious thing. Double yikes for placing the blame on a kid for being born and the wife being "impure" when they got married (*ahem* he chose to be with her, so....argument invalid). OP needs to do whatever it takes to make sure THEIR OWN FUTURE is secure, and not worry about what "stepdad" thinks or says. I sense some alpha-male jealousy going on here....
The mum's a piece of s**t for allowing her ah husband to act this way towards her own son. Good on the boy.
This is sad. Whether or not the stepdad is being spiteful is beside the point. If you don't have your aunt what's you option? Pay 4x that and still go to school? Minimum. I'll bet you didn't put in the article how you don't clean up after yourself and constantly use things without replenishing them. It's clear there's a wave of entitled CHILDREN out there. Do you think these supplies for life just magically appear? I'll bet it doesn't show how hard your dad has been grinding while you complain "the internet is being weird". You know what we do is we charge the kids rent. Without saying anything we save that Trent and give that to them when they need money or when they move out. And 100lb!?! That's nothing! That's easily 10-12 hrs a week! 3- 3 hour shifts. Life is hard. Suck it up buttercup. All these people with their phd's had to work HARD. It wasn't a smooth road. That's why you make money after.
I think son did most mature thing he could in circumstances. Like he accepted that he has to pay rent, found solution and is doing best to finish his education. I think stepdad is real a****** here, mother too because she didn't have talk with him. In my personal opinion, as long as kid is studying and doing really well, like he is going for all A, I think he should be allowed to live rent free while he is focusing on school. So living with aunt is fine solution to this issue, so he can get education needed to work in field of his choice. As someone who did study and work, I can tell you that it really makes things a lot harder, even when you aren't aiming for perfection. Plus this feels like OP is showing signs of being the prodigal son,while sfepdads maybe aren't and he is trying to sabotage him. Sure at 9 not all things are clear, I fir example had to do quite detour through secondary school to university, because my grades vastly improved after primary school.
Just to add, that also helped me to get more confidence, fill gaps I had left after primary school and set me on much better path. Like I went from having C at best, to mostly A and B. Sure no prodigy, but just saying that just because at early age, they aren't doing well in school, this doesn't mean that they are doomed.
Load More Replies... 
107
113