“My Mother Keeps Crying”: Man Asks Stepson To Start Paying Rent A Day After He Turns 18, He Moves In With His Aunt Instead
Having a blended family isn’t easy. There’ll be fights and disagreements – however, it’s all pretty avoidable if both the stepparent and biological one are ready to commit and make the household a strong and cohesive unit. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t always play out this way.
A Redditor that goes by u/cheeckypanda625 – great name, may I add – recently took online to vent about his stepfather who, out of the blue, decided that it’d be a good idea to make him pay rent.
More info: Reddit | Will Rainey
Man asks stepson to start paying rent a day after his 18th birthday
Image credits: tomson_kz (not the actual photo)
In order to focus on his exams, the schooler found a way to solve the issue, but he ended up being a scapegoat nonetheless
Image credits: cheeckypanda625
“AITA for refusing to get a job and pay rent at my parents’ house?” – this internet user turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members to weigh in on the matter and let him know if he’s indeed a jerk for not wanting to get a job and start paying rent in the midst of his exam preparations when his stepdad demanded him to do so a day after his 18th birthday. The post managed to garner over 20K upvotes as well as 2.3K comments discussing the situation.
It seems like, 9/10 times, there’s always some kind of horror story revolving around a stepfamily, be it a parent or a sibling. Well, the star of today’s article is an 18-year-old student who was trying to dedicate his days to preparing for his A-levels, which, for all of our non-UK-based readers, are basically subject-based qualifications that can lead schoolers to university and further studies or work.
Now, just a day after his big birthday, the guy was faced with a request from his stepfather that he believed to be rather spiteful. He was asked to get a job and start paying rent, and while the charge was fairly doable, it’s not hard to understand why the demand severely interfered with his plans. The student was aiming for perfect marks, A* grades to be exact, which would require a lot of effort and most of his time. Thanks to his aunt, he found a way to get out of the situation – however, he was still left to blame.
To get a more in-depth view of the matter, Bored Panda got in touch with Will Rainey. “I’m an award-winning writer and speaker focused on helping parents teach their kids about money. I’m the author of the children’s book, Grandpa’s Fortune Fables. My work has appeared in the Financial Times, iNews, and The National News,” the man said when we invited him to introduce himself to our readers.
We asked our expert to share his take on parents who charge their offspring rent or kick them out as soon as they turn 18, to which he responded as follows: “I don’t believe parents should kick their offspring out of the house as they turn 18. Whilst I do believe parents should help their kids learn about budgeting and managing expenses, this should be done in a collaborative and inclusive manner. For example, agreeing with the offspring that they contribute an affordable amount of money towards the household. Even if this money is saved by the parents for when the offspring eventually moves out of the house.”
Who would’ve thought that everything we think, say, and do has consequences for ourselves and for others
Image credits: kathryn (not the actual photo)
“Whilst learning about money is important, it should not be at the detriment of the family relationship. I feel that using money as a punishment can lead to longer-term financial issues as those that see money in a negative light are less likely to engage in learning about money and seeking financial help.”
We then pondered if this sort of independence actually benefits the young adult: “At 18, I left home to study at university. I had to use a student loan to pay for my accommodation and this independence benefited me as I had to learn to budget and money management. However, I had a good relationship with my parents and they didn’t charge me rent during the holidays. Therefore, I saw this level of independence as a positive experience. The key difference between my experience and the one in the article is that I felt it was done in collaboration with my parents, rather than forced onto me or used as a punishment.”
“If this was just about the money then both parties should be open to a conversation which allows the young adult to stay in the family home and start to take on some financial responsibility. The situation in the article seems to be more focused on family tension, with money just being a weapon (i.e. I don’t believe the step-father would be happy even if the offspring paid the rent). I’m not an expert in family relationships but I think a person in this situation should seek help from family counseling or try to have an open conversation with the stepfather about their relationship without referring to money,” Will Rainey responded when we asked him what should a person do if they find themselves in a similar scenario.
Last but not least, we wondered if there was anything else the man wanted to add: “A lot of parents are worrying about their kids growing up being ‘entitled.’ I would therefore recommend that parents do find ways to help their kids appreciate the value of money and teach them about managing money. This should be done gradually over time, rather than ‘Today, everything is going to be different!!’ For example, rather than paying for certain things for their offspring as they occur, e.g. trips to the cinema, they give them a set monthly amount and let them decide when and where to spend it. If they spend it all quickly, then they will learn for the future. Also, encouraging offspring, especially teenagers, to find ways to earn money helps them appreciate the value of money.”
“The key is to make it collaborative. Help them see that you are trying to prepare them for the real world. If not, they could believe that you are just punishing them.”
What do you think about this situation?
Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the situation
Image credits: Larry Lamsa (not the actual photo)
I can't help but wonder if step dad is sabotaging OP. making sure he doesn't get ahead and 'think he's better than them' or something
Guaranteed that's going to be a factor. If his little under-9's aren't showing signs of prodigy, they'll be under a hell of a lot of pressure to live up to the standards OP is setting (4 A*?!) Far easier to put OP in her place - tall poppy syndrome and all that.
Not familiar enough with the British system to totally get it, but understood OP seemed to have big dreams and the plan to go with them!
A* is the highest grade. To be aiming for four of them in their A levels is like getting the best result in all subjects, STEM subjects as well which aren't going to be coastng courses. OP is aiming as high as possible with their education. I wish them the very best (from someone who has a breakdown during her A levels 20+ years ago and managed a D in one subject - yay for mental health improvement in the subsequent decades)
I did mine 20+ years ago and still have nightmares about those exams
Yes. Maybe he is jealous of the attention that he still gets even though there are two new "real" children that were born of this second union. This is caveman, animalistic stuff! Wanting to be rid of the previous offspring so that the new ones will get everything, he's probably only upset because the wife is crying so it's a hassle now. It's shocking to make him do this in the last half of what sounds like his last year of high school. I'm sad thinking of how this kid's life was like after his siblings were born. That step-dad will lose everyone, maybe even the wife. Those younger kids probably look up to their brother.
My first thought is SD has been jealous of thos kid for a long time. Because this kid is smart and ", don't tenants have a right to leave" isn't the first time this kid outsmarted him. A good life is the best revenge in this situation.
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The 18 year old already proved he's not better than them by being a f****** mooch and bum
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....OP is getting uppity...
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As a fellow Brit, my opinion is OP's stepfather is 100% the AH. It is so expensive going through university right now and OP is at a key time in his education. If he gets worse grades due to having to work to pay rent then he could miss out on his university course. OP seems to have his head screwed on and is absolutely not the AH and I hope he realises that. He should also sit his Mum down and have an honest and frank conversation with her... maybe use his post here as a guide. She needs to realise what her life choices are doing to her son. And I hope he does not let her guilt him into staying. He's lucky he has the Aunt, but something tells me he's very aware of that.
The mother is an adult. The mother is fully aware of the situation. The mother is fully aware of the consequences. Sitting her down will be of little to no benefit if she has already processed this far. People learn best from experiencing consequences, not from having them explained in advance.
I disagree. It's one thing knowing it, it's another having your child actually sit in front of you and say it, so that you can no longer ignore or deny it. And at the least that should stop her from guilt tripping the poor kid.
If the mother has to have parenting stuff *this basic* explained to her then either she should never have had kids, or she has become mentally incapacitated after being kicked in the head by a horse. Either way, she will learn better from experience than from a patient explanation.
Again, I totally disagree and feel you're over simplifying things. However, you're welcome to your opinion, and I will stick with mine.
I think he should break off most contact so he can focus on his studies. He should tell her that he just needs to focus and can't come to the house for a visit because of the tension. Maybe they can talk in July. Because his mom doesn't sound like a very strong person. The huaband is probably very strict with her. Christian wives are taught to put their husbands second only to God and it brings great internal conflict when your husband is not the "priest of the house." When my son was born, his father slipped down my list for sure! He was also not very religious or very into marriage, lol. Anyway, she seems to love her son, but is trying to be the biblical wife. People like this have a lot of reinforcement for their backwards views.
Even if your mum stood up to the step-dad it would have been a horrible environment for you to live in with what will clearly be tense. Bless Auntie for her part & helping you walk away from a toxic situation.
I can't help but wonder if step dad is sabotaging OP. making sure he doesn't get ahead and 'think he's better than them' or something
Guaranteed that's going to be a factor. If his little under-9's aren't showing signs of prodigy, they'll be under a hell of a lot of pressure to live up to the standards OP is setting (4 A*?!) Far easier to put OP in her place - tall poppy syndrome and all that.
Not familiar enough with the British system to totally get it, but understood OP seemed to have big dreams and the plan to go with them!
A* is the highest grade. To be aiming for four of them in their A levels is like getting the best result in all subjects, STEM subjects as well which aren't going to be coastng courses. OP is aiming as high as possible with their education. I wish them the very best (from someone who has a breakdown during her A levels 20+ years ago and managed a D in one subject - yay for mental health improvement in the subsequent decades)
I did mine 20+ years ago and still have nightmares about those exams
Yes. Maybe he is jealous of the attention that he still gets even though there are two new "real" children that were born of this second union. This is caveman, animalistic stuff! Wanting to be rid of the previous offspring so that the new ones will get everything, he's probably only upset because the wife is crying so it's a hassle now. It's shocking to make him do this in the last half of what sounds like his last year of high school. I'm sad thinking of how this kid's life was like after his siblings were born. That step-dad will lose everyone, maybe even the wife. Those younger kids probably look up to their brother.
My first thought is SD has been jealous of thos kid for a long time. Because this kid is smart and ", don't tenants have a right to leave" isn't the first time this kid outsmarted him. A good life is the best revenge in this situation.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
The 18 year old already proved he's not better than them by being a f****** mooch and bum
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
....OP is getting uppity...
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
USA Making money online more than 15$ just by doing simple work from home. I have received $18376 last month. Its an easy and simple job to do and its earnings are much better than regular office job and even a little child can do this and earns money. Everybody must try this job by just use the info on this page…................................ 𝐰𝐰𝐰.𝐣𝐨𝐛𝐬𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐞.𝐜𝐨𝐦
As a fellow Brit, my opinion is OP's stepfather is 100% the AH. It is so expensive going through university right now and OP is at a key time in his education. If he gets worse grades due to having to work to pay rent then he could miss out on his university course. OP seems to have his head screwed on and is absolutely not the AH and I hope he realises that. He should also sit his Mum down and have an honest and frank conversation with her... maybe use his post here as a guide. She needs to realise what her life choices are doing to her son. And I hope he does not let her guilt him into staying. He's lucky he has the Aunt, but something tells me he's very aware of that.
The mother is an adult. The mother is fully aware of the situation. The mother is fully aware of the consequences. Sitting her down will be of little to no benefit if she has already processed this far. People learn best from experiencing consequences, not from having them explained in advance.
I disagree. It's one thing knowing it, it's another having your child actually sit in front of you and say it, so that you can no longer ignore or deny it. And at the least that should stop her from guilt tripping the poor kid.
If the mother has to have parenting stuff *this basic* explained to her then either she should never have had kids, or she has become mentally incapacitated after being kicked in the head by a horse. Either way, she will learn better from experience than from a patient explanation.
Again, I totally disagree and feel you're over simplifying things. However, you're welcome to your opinion, and I will stick with mine.
I think he should break off most contact so he can focus on his studies. He should tell her that he just needs to focus and can't come to the house for a visit because of the tension. Maybe they can talk in July. Because his mom doesn't sound like a very strong person. The huaband is probably very strict with her. Christian wives are taught to put their husbands second only to God and it brings great internal conflict when your husband is not the "priest of the house." When my son was born, his father slipped down my list for sure! He was also not very religious or very into marriage, lol. Anyway, she seems to love her son, but is trying to be the biblical wife. People like this have a lot of reinforcement for their backwards views.
Even if your mum stood up to the step-dad it would have been a horrible environment for you to live in with what will clearly be tense. Bless Auntie for her part & helping you walk away from a toxic situation.