Mother-In-Law Wants To Sleep In Couple’s Bed, Can’t Take ‘No’ For An Answer And Starts Marital Drama
I don’t know a person who would feel bad for having strong relationships with their relatives – it just feels so comforting to be part of a warm and loving family where you know everyone has each other’s back.
But, of course, such a connection doesn’t appear out of thin air. It grows from love, communication, security, and a few rules too.
Sadly, Reddit user throwra4t33 has ended up in a predicament where a few of these crucial components are missing. At least temporarily.
According to the woman, her mother-in-law moved in with her and her husband while the lady’s house was being renovated. The couple, therefore, set up a whole guest room just for her, including everything she might need for the stay.
However, for whatever reason, the lady started taking naps in the couple’s bed and found that she really liked doing so.
While her son wasn’t bothered by this, throwra4t33 most certainly was, resulting in some unfortunate tension.
This woman felt her mother-in-law was pushing boundaries after discovering that she’s been napping in her and her husband’s bed
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
But unfortunately, she and her partner didn’t see eye to eye on this issue
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwra4t33
Interestingly, women not getting along with their mother-in-law is actually a good sign for their marriage. A 26-year longitudinal study found that when a husband reported having a close relationship with his wife’s parents, the couple’s risk of divorce decreased by 20 percent. But when a wife reported having a close relationship with her husband’s parents, the couple’s risk of divorce increased by 20 percent.
Terri Orbuch, psychologist and research professor at the University of Michigan, began the research in 1986 with 373 couples in their first year of marriage, and followed up with them over time. She told the Wall Street Journal that she believes the findings are due to the different ways husbands and wives approach their relationships with their in-laws.
“Women value a close relationship with their in-laws but may ultimately view them as meddling, while men are more interested in providing for their families, and take their in-laws’ actions less personally,” Orbuch explained. “Because relationships are so important to women, their identity as a wife and mother is central to their being. They interpret what their in-laws say and do as interference into their identity as a spouse and parent.”
Because of this, Orbuch advises parents of sons to be mindful of behavior their daughter-in-law may interpret as “meddling,” while parents of daughters should be open to bonding with their sons-in-law.
As this story perfectly illustrates, wives should maintain boundaries with their in-laws.
As her story went viral, the original poster (OP) provided a bit more information on the whole ordeal
And it was her that most people sided with
Easy. You move into the guest room (which sounds amazing) and let your husband share his bed with mommy since they both like it so much.
Oh my gosh! That was my first thought @Jaimie! Let MIL and hubby share the room, enjoy the guest room solo..... Something is very 'off' here..... MIL insisting to nap in marital bed because she 'likes it', over and against your wants, needs and preferences.... stepping between your marriage, causing damaging conflict to harmony of household, putting her son up against his WIFE.... Sounds like divide and conquer..... it doesn't sound like it's really about the naps in the bed.... sounds like she wants ALL of the Ukraine..... (I meant Master bedroom).... and then on to take control of the entire house, at your physical, emotional, financial and marital expense. Tread carefully and stop this now. If spouse isn't going to support YOU above his mother in this.... ai yi yi..... You've probably already figured out it'll get worse and isn't going to end well.....
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This couldn’t have been more about dominance if she p***ed on your bedroom rug. Anyway, I think you need to ask yourself why you are still with a guy who moves his mother in, wants her to sleep in his bed (also your bed), buys toys instead of contributing to the mortgage and gives you the silent treatment. Imagine life without all this.
Yet another shitty relationship with a spineless mama's boy. I'd take over the guest room and let the MIL and her son sleep together in that bed like they seemingly want to.
I've never understood mama's boys! I grew up with a loving but crazy mother, and my response was to create boundaries as soon as I was able. It just seems obvious!
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This isn't even really about where MIL naps. This is about respecting people's boundaries. OP set a boundary, and their partner is trying to trample all over it. Huge red flag.
Where do all these insane MILs and husbands come from?? This behavior is so beyond reasonable it doesn't even warrant the AITA question.
I don't think I'd trust either the husband or the mother-in-law from what was written. I'd make my case and restate that my bed was off limits and then buy a really well hidden nanny cam and point it at the bed. That way you could check on the shenanigans that the two mooches get up to while you're gone. Also, consider marriage counseling and or a divorce attorney to get your ducks in a row. Just in case... Good luck
Just love it when you do people a favor and they abuse you for it. But there’s got to be a better way than throwing it in your husband’s face that you pay for the place. That’s beside the point, a different problem and should be fixed. Your husband needs to grow up and pay his share and stand up to his mother when she is in the wrong. That’s the real problem.
Because the dude said "MY house" instead of "our" so she rebute the argument with "I pay the mortgage" sounds fair to me
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My mom won't even go into our bedroom unless she has permission, I can't imagine her wanting to sleep in our bed...
Exactly. I would be so uncomfortable with a guest, family or not, even stepping foot in my bedroom like that.
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NTA. I can’t imagine another persons face, possible saliva and millions of dead skin cells all over my pillow. Tell her to get lost and take her baby with her. They can get a place together and split the rent
Temporary seems to be a way to nudge you into permanent. What is timeline for this renovation? Sounds like MIL is settling in for the long haul. Are you sure this renovation is not to sell her home and she stay indefinitely? You need to ask these questions point blank and don't stop until you get answers.
People commenting on this issue are being to soft on this issue. First off it's your house. You pay the mortgage and most likely other monthly bills and expenses. It came across as if the ml told y'all she'd be living with the two of you until reno is done on her house not that you offered that hospitality. I'd tell her point blank without discussion that it's your house and you've already gone above and beyond making a comfortable place to stay "temporarily" and if that isn't good enough she needs to book a hotel room for the rest of the duration of her home renovation. In-laws can be some of the neediest, dirtiest s****.'s on the planet when they try and pull rank imposing themselves on you without your complete consent. Don't budge or give a single inch on the issue or she'll be all up in your s**t snooping and sleeping after you've already been home and ready to relax. And honestly, what kind of parent would want to sleep where their kid fcks? I'd kick her out now!
Ask her if she really wants to sleep in the bed you are f*****g her son in, and whether you can go round to hers and nap in her bed every time you please?
Keep the bedroom messy the bed undone his clothes and your all over and shoes all over. And dirty clothes all over. Come home and put loud music in your room. Ups sorry my place you can go to your room now, I am home my bedroom my place my home. If he complain put the music loud . And you see his quick she moves out...
This is just gross. The husband sounds like a b***h and mil seems to be a weird perv. Also, what kinda man lets his wife pay all the bills. That needs to be at the minimum 50/50. The OP needs to find partner not a man child whos still sucking on hind tit
This makes me think of my late mother’s relationship with my wife. My mom and I had a close relationship when I was growing up and she always had my back. We had the normal conflicts when I was a teenager but nothing that serious. When I entered adulthood we had some more conflicts but always managed to get past them. When I got married my wife replaced my mom as the most important woman in my life and my mom didn’t like that one bit. She was snarky to my wife and even pulled a couple of nasty stunts to show it. My mom thought she was being so subtle and that my wife and I wouldn’t catch on to what she was doing but she was so obvious. My wife and I banded together and not-so-subtly cut back on our interactions with my mom. My mom was so self absorbed I don’t think she noticed what we were doing. My advice to the mothers of sons: if you force your son to choose between you and his wife, the wife will win the vast majority of the time.
Not even why she's asking if she's the AH. Husband and MIL are complete weirdos.
I feel like she is trying to assert dominance and show the DIL she's running s**t now. I find it troubling that the MIL sees that she's causing tension in her son's marriage but still insists on pushing the incredibly petty issue. The son should respect his wife's wishes. She should have a say in who sleeps in her bed. If it makes her feel uncomfortable, the husband needs to respect that and the MIL needs to respect that as well. Just bc it's her son's home/bed, it doesn't change the fact that she is a guest in their home and she should respect their personal space. I don't understand why she thought it was OK to sleep in there in the first place. She has serious boundary issues. And this couple obviously has other issues including resentment over money and bills and should probably consider seeing a marriage counselor or this temporary living situation could be the beginning of the end for their marriage.
No! nap= no sex. Until MIL is done napping in your bedroom, don't let hubby have sex in there either. BTW, you can see where he gets his "taking advantage of people" from. She comes into your home and abuses your kindness, he doesn't help with mortgage. Like mother like son.
Yeah, just tell him it doesn't feel right having sex where his mom naps....alternatively,...you could announce that you're going to start taking nude naps when you come home from work, so you just need her out of there then...she probably won't want to even go in the room after that.
Load More Replies... NTA Why would she even consider going into your bedroom? Is she just trying to stir up problems? This is a temporary time for her to stay with you, right? She is testing to see who has more power over her boy. You or her. Tell her and your husband right now together that the idea gives you the creeps and that you do not want her in your room unless you invite her. Period. Went through a lot of 'testing' with my in-laws. Stand up for yourself and your family.
NTA...There is a show that comes on "I'm in love with a Mama's Boy." This is exactly what it sounds like what you have. You just didn't know it until something like this happened! Here's something for you to think about that you may not be thinking about but she probably likes to smell his clothes, his bedding, and even his cologne. This relationship is Sick!!! DO NOT GIVE IN...IN FACT MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK HER TO LEAVE UNTIL BOUNDARIES HAVE BEEN ESTABLISHED!!!
NTA. Get your husband and MIL BOTH out of your house. What your MIL is doing here is one small step away from pissing on things to claim them. As to your husband, he’s not mature enough to be married. Boot their entitled asses out of there.
NTA!!! Ladies pay attention to this post . I see too many of you good women working all day long with these jerkified husbands who can't even support you in the most minor of things. I am sorry, not sorry, but a mother-in-law needs to sleep Where She is welcome which is in the guest room and if your husband doesn't see that even after you said that you work from 6:00 a.m. and you alone pay the mortgage something is wrong with him. Reevaluate this relationship. Why do you pay the mortgage by yourself and he buys BS toys ? He's using you and now his mother wants in on the using you, so what value does he add to this relationship other than some D every now and then if you're even getting that. In my life as a wellness advocate, i see it too often than not, you work your a**e off & later, hubs wants a divorce because he finds some bs to stay mad about, like this.
This is not your hill to die on, this is your hill to live on! Take back your life and tell your MIL to please nap in pleasant guest room or rent a hotel room, which she might find more comfortable yet. Then tell your nitwit of a husband he can sleep on the couch unless him mommy chooses to move to a hotel and if she does, he can have the guest room as long as he can act like a grown up. All taken care of and no YNTAH!
Sex ban, move in the other room all good advices. His house and u pay also the bills for it? That's a big red flag. Also it's very weird that she want's to sleep were u screw and he is ok with that.
That is your personal sanctuary! Screw that. She can go to the room they purposely readied for her or she can gtfo. I'm so glad my hubby would have NEVER insisted on any ridiculous bs as this. He'd have told her to kick rocks if the whole a*s FREE room dedicated to her wasn't good enough.
N T A. Girl. Sounds like to me like you married a. MOMMIES BOY. He CONTRIBUTES. nothing in terms a finances. AND He's LAZY. YOU on the other hand. WORK YOUR PANTS OFF. The HOUSE. IS YOURS. THAT is YOUR bedroom BOUGHT AND PAYED FOR. THIS IS SSSOOO simple. IF. Mommies boy keeps it up and so does he. EVEN AFTER YOU ARRANGED a. ROOM JUST FOR HER. Make this SIMPLE. SHE EITHER STARTS to USE. HER ROOM. or they they CAN BOTH LEAVE. THIS needs to be. DONE RIGHT NOW. GOOD LUCK
Why in all that is holy, is mother in law and husband so detrimined for her to sleep in your marital bed? It's just very wrong. Ewww factor up to 1,000. Tell them both to find a hotel. See if they get separate rooms. Something is off here.
If she likes your bed so much, have your useless hubby drag the mattress up the stairs with the dirty sheets on it, and he can sell some of the gadgets you pay to provide to buy you a new top-of-the line mattress — and locks on your bedroom door. If she has any objections then, it’s clearly about control, not the bed (which we already know anyway).
I'm wondering if anything really is getting "done" to her house!?! Tell your hubby and her to move back to her house!
Well that is one crazy situation, with more than one major issue she needs to deal with. My bed is my happy place and I wouldn’t want anyone sleeping there - that’s just weird. Reminds me of when I stupidly offered to allow my sister-in-law to move into my house with her two kids when she was going to be effectively homeless after her parents (with whom she had been living rent-free for several years) sold their house to move into an addition we built onto our house. I felt bad for the kids. She tried to manipulate me into giving up my room. Not long after they got here though she had a big fight with my husband and he tossed her out for the night. She packed up a bunch of stuff, took one of the parents’ cars and went off to their cottage, saying stuff like why would she pay rent when she had $15k in the bank and could just get her own place. Okay… And the best part is she left her oldest boy with us, crying and upset, for a month, with no communication.
SEXUALLY IMPROPER BEHAVIOR OF MIL MOVE HER OUT OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBANDS HOME IF NEED RENT A ROOM FOR HER ELSEWHERE OR GIVE HER 30DAY EVICTION NOTICE FOR HER TO FIND A ROOM OR HOUSE ELSEWHERE...IF SHE RESPECTED HER SON HIS HAPPINESS AN FUTRE SHE WOULD NOT BE CAUSING TROUBLE SOUNDS LIKE MENTAL PROBLEMS OMG GET TO EXCELLENT MARRIAGE COUNSELOR AND PASTOR PRIEST ASAP BIBLICAL STATES HUSBAND CLEAVES TO AND PROTECT WIFE....EVEN ANIMALS HONOR THIS FOR SURVIVAL SO VERYYY SORRY PRAY FOR THIS SICK WOMAN BUT GET HER OUTTTT
There's no conversation here with step mom, she's pushing where she has no right or authority to do so.. Time for Mom to get a hotel. The bigger problem is your husband, who is forgetting that you are his wife. Take him back to his marriage vows, and what it means to be husband and wife. It sounds like he may have a little too much momma's boy in him, which he needs to cut loose.
Just my opinion: OP pulling the “I pay the mortgage, you waste money on gadgets” is an AH move. Generally, when a guy lobs this at a gal, we start yelling about using financial control to get their own way - surely it’s no more acceptable in the opposite direction? If she’d put it as “that is OUR bedroom, which means we BOTH need to consent to your mother sleeping there and I am not comfortable sharing our private space with your mother.” That’s setting an appropriate boundary. ETA husband and mother are still AHs.
I think she only said that because he called it "his" house.
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Helen. I'm amazed only one letter asked why did MIL slept on your bed In The First Place. That's the red flag. I agree there is more going on than she 'wanted to try it.' Who does that? I too suspect his Moma is making a power move in your relationship with her. I suspect she's telling you she is #1, not you. She may be having difficulty relinguishing her son to another woman. And hubby is weak for not supporting you. Marriage counseling would be a good thing because your situation might escalate if you and he don't lovingly and compassionately make her accept that your marriage is not a threescore.
Definitely a hill to die on! Invading somebody's personal,sacred space is a huge no-no,and yeah,I'd be reeeeally interested to know why hubby's dear Mama entered the bedroom in the first place.You don't just walk into somebody else's bedroom and decide to take a nap when you've already got a very nice guest room set up for you.Scent mark the entire room and the bed in particular.Sleep naked.Yeah,have sex and don't change the sheets after.If dear Mommy-in-law has the nerve to wash the bedding for her own comfort, boot her and her man baby son out so hard they bounce,then change the locks and toss his clothes and the gadgets he's paid for out the window.
Plus if you're being nice, you're doing it wrong. Become the b***ch and throw f-bombs all around you, it ain't a joke. Your health is important too. If you want to bring in money, stay on facts, not being nice. Or just leave the situation alone, find your own small place, look into the fair way of law, separate, or leave it in a way that you're no longer together. Just sounds like he chosen his mom over you. Plus you seem to see the inching thing. Set your standards, be real with her, "pretend" to be over her head, she don't rule your freedom, she'll try more ways too. If she's proven that she's fine, you know it's staged with her
I think, that your mom in law is acting like a teen because she knows how to pi** you off. She's controlling. She's in her play. She's pushy, she's going to act like it's innocent by giving herself away. The dynamics are a bit unusual and unhealthy because your husband thinks by using what he only knows that you will be his mommy too. I've yelled at mine and our conversations were short because I was right. Your mom didn't raise a fool and your eyes are wide open mis lady pants. I know you got this so good luck with manipulation with his mom and him. Do what is the right way!!
It's your bed, as much as half with husband, if I were you, I'd bring up the difference between a normal relationship, a dysfunctional relationship, the levels of what is and isn't a marriage, try hard not to combine the automatic incest mommy/son relationship idea cause as you know, those momma boys are extremely close, has a bond, and you should be able to say what's in your mind with the passive aggressive or a bit more aggressive to pinch your point to convincing her to stay in her own room that you and your husband lovingly set up for her, if there are stairs, ok sure you can bring that up if you want without feeling too caught up between the son and mom. I'd pour over the twisted ways about the mom and son sleeping together. The boundaries will fly off without any respect for sure. Just don't go back and forth cause quite obviously she's testing you because she knows how it would feel, she's trying to get into your skin. While you see her stepping in your red flags, leave, divorc
Sounds like hubby is suffering from an unresolved Oedipus Complex.
This is a disaster brewing. My MIL moved in “temporarily “. She too had a lovely guest room. It wasn’t long before she was sleeping in the recliner in the living room ALL night in front of the tv. We put put a tv in her room which she refused to use saying tv’s don’t belong in a bedroom ! Not only could we not watch our programs after work in the evenings, but we were creeping around our own house. Then she put the kettle on and fell asleep. It melted into the stove ruining that burner, filling the house with toxic smoke. I flipped at that point because the week before she intentionally overloaded the washing machine ( too lazy to do multiple loads) and warped our drum that jumped off its balance. I found her a rental suite the next week. Pretty sure she’d still be here otherwise 😠😠😠
Just say no. Then don't engage. They'll get over it. Or they won't. Either way, your MIL won't be sleeping in your bed, and if they both leave, you will be better off... by far.
In my faith, one absolutely unbreakable standing "rule," if you will, is that the marriage bed is sacrosanct, and that NOBODY but the married couple sleeps in it (it's all right to allow a child of the marriage to sleep with Mom and Dad if they have a nightmare, etc.) It's the marital bed, and it should be treated exactly as that---God views marriage between a man and a woman as right and special, and the bed is where it's all confirmed and consummated, so nobody else has a right to sleep in that bed, and NEVER any other adults!
The bed is one thing but you aint touching my pillows...id Say sure and then proceed to douse the sheets with itching powder, or some type of fart spray. Next, slide a pre- recorded cassette tape of some type of wierd noise or just say her name quietly but with long silent pauses in-between.
Ok so she's definitely NTA, the MIL is definitely pushing boundaries & either is trying to assert dominance or automatically thinks because she the MIL she should be able to do whatever she wants & the husband not backing you up is awful I wouldn't want my mom sleeping in our bed wtf! I see alot of people here commenting & saying oh its cuz he's a mamas boy their all like that or oh its cuz MIL is a single mom so that's why MIL & husband are like this Listen I am a huge mamas boy, me & my sis were raised by my mother who's one of the hardest working independent people I know she can do whatever she puts her mind too, but guess what she would never do this or even put me in a weird situation like that, hell when I graduated high school she said you have 3 options. Go to college, get a job & start paying rent, or get out( best thing she did for me) as it taught me to grow up & be responsible for myself. So the issue isn't with him being a mamas boy or having a single mom, it how your ra
It seems toxic advice to say that it is okay for husbands to have good relationships with their in laws, but not okay for wives to have good relationships with their in laws, which is what it says before the NTA comments. We shouldn't treat spouses differently based on their gender.
NTA freaking crazy and disgusting stay with your firm no or kick them both out
Very Cringy indeed. The whole thing makes me wonder.... Is this woman your husband's biological mother??
This MIL is overstepping her boundaries and invading her son and DIL's personal space. There is absolutely no reason why she should even be stepping one foot into their bedroom. What else does she do in there? Go through their dressers? I would have a conversation with the MIL asking her about why she wants to sleep in your marital bed so bad. If she won't let the situation go consider locking your bedroom door while you're at work. It's your home and she needs to respect your rules.
Leave a vibrator in the bed (dunk it in something slimy maybe?) or come home and take a nap ON TOP OF HER with your feet in her mouth. When she yells, say you didn't see her there and thought that it'd be okay to sleep in your bed.
MIL sounds like a spoiled brat, and husband sounds like a useless m**********r.
Does your bed have some sort of mattress or topper that is special or different than what is on her bed? I do recommend that hosts annually spend a night on their own guest bed, just so they understand the experience of the room (i.e. is the bed horrible, can you hear every toilet flush, are the curtains adequate? Etc.) But, even if her bed is awful, her ask is extremely weird. Inquire about her satisfaction with her room, "fix" anything she brings up, and then pivot that into "now that that is addressed, there is zero reason to go in mine ever again." Then start locking it, because I can see hubby or MIL sneaking in while the OP is at work.
My Grandma did the same with her son (my Uncle.) She had a hard time when my Grandpa died, so she got an invitation to live a week with my Uncle (her son). When it was time they all should sleep, she insisted on sleeping between my uncle and his wife! My Uncle and his wonderful wife was divorced a few years after. Strange eh?
Hell nah, no way, no how. Her azz needs to go. Your house, your rules. If she can't follow the rules of your house, then her azz got to go. Do not back down or give in this BS.
Its extreamly rude to go into someones house and even walk into someone bedroom uninvited. Let alone feel entitled to use both the bedrooms in the house.
Sure, let her nap in there, IF, her son starts immediately, to pay the mortgage with you! He who don’t pay, got no say. Especially if it’s in your bedroom where you are safe. Apparently your husband has issues with you being a strong woman and more responsible. Let him sleep with his mama for now. You take her room, but DO NOT LET HIM IN THERE AT NIGHT. And then if it were me, he could just go move in with mama after her house is done. If he is so willing to throw your private sanctuary under the bus, and keep private, private, then he doesn’t deserve private or you! Find an adult man to have a relationship with. And kick him to the curb.
NTA. Admit that you've made a terrible mistake and start divorce proceedings immediately. This problem gets worse, not better--ALWAYS.
If it is a long term situation, I'd suggest a trip to the mattress store for MIL. If she still keeps sleeping in your bed, she has issues. Husband is being an AH for siding with his mommy.
Definitely time for Mama to go home and Sonny to get a job and/or go with her! ASAP! Make sure you do not end up paying alimony! If he's not contributing... to your household or your needs! He's just a guest!
Save yourself a lot of time, money and stress. Have your husband, Oedipus, served with divorce papers right now. Let him go sleep with mom, I’m sure he’s used to it.
This kind of seems like there's previous communication issues. The mom seems a little strange. Little weird to insist on sleeping in their bed. I don't know that I would care if my mother-in-law wanted to nap in my bed while I was at work, but it's definitely strange.
This one is easy. You say to your husband "Okay. She can sleep in our bed. But I never will again if she does even one more time." But you have to mean it. And honestly, after that, if she does and he defends her, see an attorney and put the house up for sale. Marriage is not a Mom and Child thing, but that is what you have.
All this......no tell your husband to find a hotel room for his as she isn't welcome anymore.
Just tell her she can only use your room when she's breastfeeding your children.
Let me play some devil's advocate here. My mom use to have a very comfortable bed. (She was single.) It was my favorite place to take a nap. She didn't have a problem. I wasn't going through her things, I wasn't living with her. ( I ended up moving in her, she was happy on the couch, so I got to sleep in her room. Maybe the bed is comfortable. Nothing wrong that. Yes it's creepy you and your non-contributing husband have sex there, maybe it doesn't bother her because she doesn't think you will tolerate him for long, I don't know. She must have some financial means if her place is getting remodeled. I would tell her, I don't mind you taking your naps a couple times a week in my bed as long as it doesn't interrupt with my relaxing time after work. Since your place is being redone, I don't mind if you take your son home with you when you leave, see what it's like to pay all the bills, and he pay for his toys, you raised a fine boy. You can have him back. Hun, you deserve better treatment.
Very different situation you described. That was YOUR mother. She was single. You comparing apples to oranges.
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My mother-in-law is my best friend. My own mother is a narcissistic, manipulative and emotionally and verbally abusive mother. But my MIL is just awesome. She's not blind to her sons faults well before I came along and she looked at him and said if he screwed up I was allowed to move in...he wasn't. Good thing I love my hubby too...even when I want to brain him, cover him in honey and leave him for the ants.
Now you know what kinda man you married y'all have already made accommodations for his mom you let her take daily naps she's gonna want the whole bed so stick to your guns and tell that pus filled sack of a husband to grow a set and be a man PS when y'all got married y'all became a family so don't let that heffa get to you she knows what she's doing mark my words she knows
Now the Mommies have to look after the little babbies even in their 60's and 70's. Hats off to all of them.
That Mother in law Won't Sleep In Our bed...That Sounds weird...You Better Watch Them Mother In Laws...Be Trying To Do Spellwork And All Kinds Of... Energy Manipulation
Meh, something like “I’m paying the mortgage REEEE” doesn’t mean you have a bigger right to make decisions in the house you share as a couple. It’s a deal that you’ve previously made with your partner and if you’re unhappy with it, try to change it. That be said, I don’t think you have to let someone nap in your bed if you don’t want to. That topic could be discussed with all three people present.
Yes, Chuck, just because you let everyone and their mothers nap in your bed doesn't mean everyone is okay with that.
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Family or not, MIL is a guest. She doesn't get to impose any further on them and make demands, especially when she got a fully kitted-out room just for herself. She's extremely rude and this is absolutely a power-play on her part.
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Easy. You move into the guest room (which sounds amazing) and let your husband share his bed with mommy since they both like it so much.
Oh my gosh! That was my first thought @Jaimie! Let MIL and hubby share the room, enjoy the guest room solo..... Something is very 'off' here..... MIL insisting to nap in marital bed because she 'likes it', over and against your wants, needs and preferences.... stepping between your marriage, causing damaging conflict to harmony of household, putting her son up against his WIFE.... Sounds like divide and conquer..... it doesn't sound like it's really about the naps in the bed.... sounds like she wants ALL of the Ukraine..... (I meant Master bedroom).... and then on to take control of the entire house, at your physical, emotional, financial and marital expense. Tread carefully and stop this now. If spouse isn't going to support YOU above his mother in this.... ai yi yi..... You've probably already figured out it'll get worse and isn't going to end well.....
Load More Replies... This couldn’t have been more about dominance if she p***ed on your bedroom rug. Anyway, I think you need to ask yourself why you are still with a guy who moves his mother in, wants her to sleep in his bed (also your bed), buys toys instead of contributing to the mortgage and gives you the silent treatment. Imagine life without all this.
Yet another shitty relationship with a spineless mama's boy. I'd take over the guest room and let the MIL and her son sleep together in that bed like they seemingly want to.
I've never understood mama's boys! I grew up with a loving but crazy mother, and my response was to create boundaries as soon as I was able. It just seems obvious!
Load More Replies... This isn't even really about where MIL naps. This is about respecting people's boundaries. OP set a boundary, and their partner is trying to trample all over it. Huge red flag.
Where do all these insane MILs and husbands come from?? This behavior is so beyond reasonable it doesn't even warrant the AITA question.
I don't think I'd trust either the husband or the mother-in-law from what was written. I'd make my case and restate that my bed was off limits and then buy a really well hidden nanny cam and point it at the bed. That way you could check on the shenanigans that the two mooches get up to while you're gone. Also, consider marriage counseling and or a divorce attorney to get your ducks in a row. Just in case... Good luck
Just love it when you do people a favor and they abuse you for it. But there’s got to be a better way than throwing it in your husband’s face that you pay for the place. That’s beside the point, a different problem and should be fixed. Your husband needs to grow up and pay his share and stand up to his mother when she is in the wrong. That’s the real problem.
Because the dude said "MY house" instead of "our" so she rebute the argument with "I pay the mortgage" sounds fair to me
Load More Replies... My mom won't even go into our bedroom unless she has permission, I can't imagine her wanting to sleep in our bed...
Exactly. I would be so uncomfortable with a guest, family or not, even stepping foot in my bedroom like that.
Load More Replies... NTA. I can’t imagine another persons face, possible saliva and millions of dead skin cells all over my pillow. Tell her to get lost and take her baby with her. They can get a place together and split the rent
Temporary seems to be a way to nudge you into permanent. What is timeline for this renovation? Sounds like MIL is settling in for the long haul. Are you sure this renovation is not to sell her home and she stay indefinitely? You need to ask these questions point blank and don't stop until you get answers.
People commenting on this issue are being to soft on this issue. First off it's your house. You pay the mortgage and most likely other monthly bills and expenses. It came across as if the ml told y'all she'd be living with the two of you until reno is done on her house not that you offered that hospitality. I'd tell her point blank without discussion that it's your house and you've already gone above and beyond making a comfortable place to stay "temporarily" and if that isn't good enough she needs to book a hotel room for the rest of the duration of her home renovation. In-laws can be some of the neediest, dirtiest s****.'s on the planet when they try and pull rank imposing themselves on you without your complete consent. Don't budge or give a single inch on the issue or she'll be all up in your s**t snooping and sleeping after you've already been home and ready to relax. And honestly, what kind of parent would want to sleep where their kid fcks? I'd kick her out now!
Ask her if she really wants to sleep in the bed you are f*****g her son in, and whether you can go round to hers and nap in her bed every time you please?
Keep the bedroom messy the bed undone his clothes and your all over and shoes all over. And dirty clothes all over. Come home and put loud music in your room. Ups sorry my place you can go to your room now, I am home my bedroom my place my home. If he complain put the music loud . And you see his quick she moves out...
This is just gross. The husband sounds like a b***h and mil seems to be a weird perv. Also, what kinda man lets his wife pay all the bills. That needs to be at the minimum 50/50. The OP needs to find partner not a man child whos still sucking on hind tit
This makes me think of my late mother’s relationship with my wife. My mom and I had a close relationship when I was growing up and she always had my back. We had the normal conflicts when I was a teenager but nothing that serious. When I entered adulthood we had some more conflicts but always managed to get past them. When I got married my wife replaced my mom as the most important woman in my life and my mom didn’t like that one bit. She was snarky to my wife and even pulled a couple of nasty stunts to show it. My mom thought she was being so subtle and that my wife and I wouldn’t catch on to what she was doing but she was so obvious. My wife and I banded together and not-so-subtly cut back on our interactions with my mom. My mom was so self absorbed I don’t think she noticed what we were doing. My advice to the mothers of sons: if you force your son to choose between you and his wife, the wife will win the vast majority of the time.
Not even why she's asking if she's the AH. Husband and MIL are complete weirdos.
I feel like she is trying to assert dominance and show the DIL she's running s**t now. I find it troubling that the MIL sees that she's causing tension in her son's marriage but still insists on pushing the incredibly petty issue. The son should respect his wife's wishes. She should have a say in who sleeps in her bed. If it makes her feel uncomfortable, the husband needs to respect that and the MIL needs to respect that as well. Just bc it's her son's home/bed, it doesn't change the fact that she is a guest in their home and she should respect their personal space. I don't understand why she thought it was OK to sleep in there in the first place. She has serious boundary issues. And this couple obviously has other issues including resentment over money and bills and should probably consider seeing a marriage counselor or this temporary living situation could be the beginning of the end for their marriage.
No! nap= no sex. Until MIL is done napping in your bedroom, don't let hubby have sex in there either. BTW, you can see where he gets his "taking advantage of people" from. She comes into your home and abuses your kindness, he doesn't help with mortgage. Like mother like son.
Yeah, just tell him it doesn't feel right having sex where his mom naps....alternatively,...you could announce that you're going to start taking nude naps when you come home from work, so you just need her out of there then...she probably won't want to even go in the room after that.
Load More Replies... NTA Why would she even consider going into your bedroom? Is she just trying to stir up problems? This is a temporary time for her to stay with you, right? She is testing to see who has more power over her boy. You or her. Tell her and your husband right now together that the idea gives you the creeps and that you do not want her in your room unless you invite her. Period. Went through a lot of 'testing' with my in-laws. Stand up for yourself and your family.
NTA...There is a show that comes on "I'm in love with a Mama's Boy." This is exactly what it sounds like what you have. You just didn't know it until something like this happened! Here's something for you to think about that you may not be thinking about but she probably likes to smell his clothes, his bedding, and even his cologne. This relationship is Sick!!! DO NOT GIVE IN...IN FACT MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK HER TO LEAVE UNTIL BOUNDARIES HAVE BEEN ESTABLISHED!!!
NTA. Get your husband and MIL BOTH out of your house. What your MIL is doing here is one small step away from pissing on things to claim them. As to your husband, he’s not mature enough to be married. Boot their entitled asses out of there.
NTA!!! Ladies pay attention to this post . I see too many of you good women working all day long with these jerkified husbands who can't even support you in the most minor of things. I am sorry, not sorry, but a mother-in-law needs to sleep Where She is welcome which is in the guest room and if your husband doesn't see that even after you said that you work from 6:00 a.m. and you alone pay the mortgage something is wrong with him. Reevaluate this relationship. Why do you pay the mortgage by yourself and he buys BS toys ? He's using you and now his mother wants in on the using you, so what value does he add to this relationship other than some D every now and then if you're even getting that. In my life as a wellness advocate, i see it too often than not, you work your a**e off & later, hubs wants a divorce because he finds some bs to stay mad about, like this.
This is not your hill to die on, this is your hill to live on! Take back your life and tell your MIL to please nap in pleasant guest room or rent a hotel room, which she might find more comfortable yet. Then tell your nitwit of a husband he can sleep on the couch unless him mommy chooses to move to a hotel and if she does, he can have the guest room as long as he can act like a grown up. All taken care of and no YNTAH!
Sex ban, move in the other room all good advices. His house and u pay also the bills for it? That's a big red flag. Also it's very weird that she want's to sleep were u screw and he is ok with that.
That is your personal sanctuary! Screw that. She can go to the room they purposely readied for her or she can gtfo. I'm so glad my hubby would have NEVER insisted on any ridiculous bs as this. He'd have told her to kick rocks if the whole a*s FREE room dedicated to her wasn't good enough.
N T A. Girl. Sounds like to me like you married a. MOMMIES BOY. He CONTRIBUTES. nothing in terms a finances. AND He's LAZY. YOU on the other hand. WORK YOUR PANTS OFF. The HOUSE. IS YOURS. THAT is YOUR bedroom BOUGHT AND PAYED FOR. THIS IS SSSOOO simple. IF. Mommies boy keeps it up and so does he. EVEN AFTER YOU ARRANGED a. ROOM JUST FOR HER. Make this SIMPLE. SHE EITHER STARTS to USE. HER ROOM. or they they CAN BOTH LEAVE. THIS needs to be. DONE RIGHT NOW. GOOD LUCK
Why in all that is holy, is mother in law and husband so detrimined for her to sleep in your marital bed? It's just very wrong. Ewww factor up to 1,000. Tell them both to find a hotel. See if they get separate rooms. Something is off here.
If she likes your bed so much, have your useless hubby drag the mattress up the stairs with the dirty sheets on it, and he can sell some of the gadgets you pay to provide to buy you a new top-of-the line mattress — and locks on your bedroom door. If she has any objections then, it’s clearly about control, not the bed (which we already know anyway).
I'm wondering if anything really is getting "done" to her house!?! Tell your hubby and her to move back to her house!
Well that is one crazy situation, with more than one major issue she needs to deal with. My bed is my happy place and I wouldn’t want anyone sleeping there - that’s just weird. Reminds me of when I stupidly offered to allow my sister-in-law to move into my house with her two kids when she was going to be effectively homeless after her parents (with whom she had been living rent-free for several years) sold their house to move into an addition we built onto our house. I felt bad for the kids. She tried to manipulate me into giving up my room. Not long after they got here though she had a big fight with my husband and he tossed her out for the night. She packed up a bunch of stuff, took one of the parents’ cars and went off to their cottage, saying stuff like why would she pay rent when she had $15k in the bank and could just get her own place. Okay… And the best part is she left her oldest boy with us, crying and upset, for a month, with no communication.
SEXUALLY IMPROPER BEHAVIOR OF MIL MOVE HER OUT OF YOU AND YOUR HUSBANDS HOME IF NEED RENT A ROOM FOR HER ELSEWHERE OR GIVE HER 30DAY EVICTION NOTICE FOR HER TO FIND A ROOM OR HOUSE ELSEWHERE...IF SHE RESPECTED HER SON HIS HAPPINESS AN FUTRE SHE WOULD NOT BE CAUSING TROUBLE SOUNDS LIKE MENTAL PROBLEMS OMG GET TO EXCELLENT MARRIAGE COUNSELOR AND PASTOR PRIEST ASAP BIBLICAL STATES HUSBAND CLEAVES TO AND PROTECT WIFE....EVEN ANIMALS HONOR THIS FOR SURVIVAL SO VERYYY SORRY PRAY FOR THIS SICK WOMAN BUT GET HER OUTTTT
There's no conversation here with step mom, she's pushing where she has no right or authority to do so.. Time for Mom to get a hotel. The bigger problem is your husband, who is forgetting that you are his wife. Take him back to his marriage vows, and what it means to be husband and wife. It sounds like he may have a little too much momma's boy in him, which he needs to cut loose.
Just my opinion: OP pulling the “I pay the mortgage, you waste money on gadgets” is an AH move. Generally, when a guy lobs this at a gal, we start yelling about using financial control to get their own way - surely it’s no more acceptable in the opposite direction? If she’d put it as “that is OUR bedroom, which means we BOTH need to consent to your mother sleeping there and I am not comfortable sharing our private space with your mother.” That’s setting an appropriate boundary. ETA husband and mother are still AHs.
I think she only said that because he called it "his" house.
Load More Replies... Helen. I'm amazed only one letter asked why did MIL slept on your bed In The First Place. That's the red flag. I agree there is more going on than she 'wanted to try it.' Who does that? I too suspect his Moma is making a power move in your relationship with her. I suspect she's telling you she is #1, not you. She may be having difficulty relinguishing her son to another woman. And hubby is weak for not supporting you. Marriage counseling would be a good thing because your situation might escalate if you and he don't lovingly and compassionately make her accept that your marriage is not a threescore.
Definitely a hill to die on! Invading somebody's personal,sacred space is a huge no-no,and yeah,I'd be reeeeally interested to know why hubby's dear Mama entered the bedroom in the first place.You don't just walk into somebody else's bedroom and decide to take a nap when you've already got a very nice guest room set up for you.Scent mark the entire room and the bed in particular.Sleep naked.Yeah,have sex and don't change the sheets after.If dear Mommy-in-law has the nerve to wash the bedding for her own comfort, boot her and her man baby son out so hard they bounce,then change the locks and toss his clothes and the gadgets he's paid for out the window.
Plus if you're being nice, you're doing it wrong. Become the b***ch and throw f-bombs all around you, it ain't a joke. Your health is important too. If you want to bring in money, stay on facts, not being nice. Or just leave the situation alone, find your own small place, look into the fair way of law, separate, or leave it in a way that you're no longer together. Just sounds like he chosen his mom over you. Plus you seem to see the inching thing. Set your standards, be real with her, "pretend" to be over her head, she don't rule your freedom, she'll try more ways too. If she's proven that she's fine, you know it's staged with her
I think, that your mom in law is acting like a teen because she knows how to pi** you off. She's controlling. She's in her play. She's pushy, she's going to act like it's innocent by giving herself away. The dynamics are a bit unusual and unhealthy because your husband thinks by using what he only knows that you will be his mommy too. I've yelled at mine and our conversations were short because I was right. Your mom didn't raise a fool and your eyes are wide open mis lady pants. I know you got this so good luck with manipulation with his mom and him. Do what is the right way!!
It's your bed, as much as half with husband, if I were you, I'd bring up the difference between a normal relationship, a dysfunctional relationship, the levels of what is and isn't a marriage, try hard not to combine the automatic incest mommy/son relationship idea cause as you know, those momma boys are extremely close, has a bond, and you should be able to say what's in your mind with the passive aggressive or a bit more aggressive to pinch your point to convincing her to stay in her own room that you and your husband lovingly set up for her, if there are stairs, ok sure you can bring that up if you want without feeling too caught up between the son and mom. I'd pour over the twisted ways about the mom and son sleeping together. The boundaries will fly off without any respect for sure. Just don't go back and forth cause quite obviously she's testing you because she knows how it would feel, she's trying to get into your skin. While you see her stepping in your red flags, leave, divorc
Sounds like hubby is suffering from an unresolved Oedipus Complex.
This is a disaster brewing. My MIL moved in “temporarily “. She too had a lovely guest room. It wasn’t long before she was sleeping in the recliner in the living room ALL night in front of the tv. We put put a tv in her room which she refused to use saying tv’s don’t belong in a bedroom ! Not only could we not watch our programs after work in the evenings, but we were creeping around our own house. Then she put the kettle on and fell asleep. It melted into the stove ruining that burner, filling the house with toxic smoke. I flipped at that point because the week before she intentionally overloaded the washing machine ( too lazy to do multiple loads) and warped our drum that jumped off its balance. I found her a rental suite the next week. Pretty sure she’d still be here otherwise 😠😠😠
Just say no. Then don't engage. They'll get over it. Or they won't. Either way, your MIL won't be sleeping in your bed, and if they both leave, you will be better off... by far.
In my faith, one absolutely unbreakable standing "rule," if you will, is that the marriage bed is sacrosanct, and that NOBODY but the married couple sleeps in it (it's all right to allow a child of the marriage to sleep with Mom and Dad if they have a nightmare, etc.) It's the marital bed, and it should be treated exactly as that---God views marriage between a man and a woman as right and special, and the bed is where it's all confirmed and consummated, so nobody else has a right to sleep in that bed, and NEVER any other adults!
The bed is one thing but you aint touching my pillows...id Say sure and then proceed to douse the sheets with itching powder, or some type of fart spray. Next, slide a pre- recorded cassette tape of some type of wierd noise or just say her name quietly but with long silent pauses in-between.
Ok so she's definitely NTA, the MIL is definitely pushing boundaries & either is trying to assert dominance or automatically thinks because she the MIL she should be able to do whatever she wants & the husband not backing you up is awful I wouldn't want my mom sleeping in our bed wtf! I see alot of people here commenting & saying oh its cuz he's a mamas boy their all like that or oh its cuz MIL is a single mom so that's why MIL & husband are like this Listen I am a huge mamas boy, me & my sis were raised by my mother who's one of the hardest working independent people I know she can do whatever she puts her mind too, but guess what she would never do this or even put me in a weird situation like that, hell when I graduated high school she said you have 3 options. Go to college, get a job & start paying rent, or get out( best thing she did for me) as it taught me to grow up & be responsible for myself. So the issue isn't with him being a mamas boy or having a single mom, it how your ra
It seems toxic advice to say that it is okay for husbands to have good relationships with their in laws, but not okay for wives to have good relationships with their in laws, which is what it says before the NTA comments. We shouldn't treat spouses differently based on their gender.
NTA freaking crazy and disgusting stay with your firm no or kick them both out
Very Cringy indeed. The whole thing makes me wonder.... Is this woman your husband's biological mother??
This MIL is overstepping her boundaries and invading her son and DIL's personal space. There is absolutely no reason why she should even be stepping one foot into their bedroom. What else does she do in there? Go through their dressers? I would have a conversation with the MIL asking her about why she wants to sleep in your marital bed so bad. If she won't let the situation go consider locking your bedroom door while you're at work. It's your home and she needs to respect your rules.
Leave a vibrator in the bed (dunk it in something slimy maybe?) or come home and take a nap ON TOP OF HER with your feet in her mouth. When she yells, say you didn't see her there and thought that it'd be okay to sleep in your bed.
MIL sounds like a spoiled brat, and husband sounds like a useless m**********r.
Does your bed have some sort of mattress or topper that is special or different than what is on her bed? I do recommend that hosts annually spend a night on their own guest bed, just so they understand the experience of the room (i.e. is the bed horrible, can you hear every toilet flush, are the curtains adequate? Etc.) But, even if her bed is awful, her ask is extremely weird. Inquire about her satisfaction with her room, "fix" anything she brings up, and then pivot that into "now that that is addressed, there is zero reason to go in mine ever again." Then start locking it, because I can see hubby or MIL sneaking in while the OP is at work.
My Grandma did the same with her son (my Uncle.) She had a hard time when my Grandpa died, so she got an invitation to live a week with my Uncle (her son). When it was time they all should sleep, she insisted on sleeping between my uncle and his wife! My Uncle and his wonderful wife was divorced a few years after. Strange eh?
Hell nah, no way, no how. Her azz needs to go. Your house, your rules. If she can't follow the rules of your house, then her azz got to go. Do not back down or give in this BS.
Its extreamly rude to go into someones house and even walk into someone bedroom uninvited. Let alone feel entitled to use both the bedrooms in the house.
Sure, let her nap in there, IF, her son starts immediately, to pay the mortgage with you! He who don’t pay, got no say. Especially if it’s in your bedroom where you are safe. Apparently your husband has issues with you being a strong woman and more responsible. Let him sleep with his mama for now. You take her room, but DO NOT LET HIM IN THERE AT NIGHT. And then if it were me, he could just go move in with mama after her house is done. If he is so willing to throw your private sanctuary under the bus, and keep private, private, then he doesn’t deserve private or you! Find an adult man to have a relationship with. And kick him to the curb.
NTA. Admit that you've made a terrible mistake and start divorce proceedings immediately. This problem gets worse, not better--ALWAYS.
If it is a long term situation, I'd suggest a trip to the mattress store for MIL. If she still keeps sleeping in your bed, she has issues. Husband is being an AH for siding with his mommy.
Definitely time for Mama to go home and Sonny to get a job and/or go with her! ASAP! Make sure you do not end up paying alimony! If he's not contributing... to your household or your needs! He's just a guest!
Save yourself a lot of time, money and stress. Have your husband, Oedipus, served with divorce papers right now. Let him go sleep with mom, I’m sure he’s used to it.
This kind of seems like there's previous communication issues. The mom seems a little strange. Little weird to insist on sleeping in their bed. I don't know that I would care if my mother-in-law wanted to nap in my bed while I was at work, but it's definitely strange.
This one is easy. You say to your husband "Okay. She can sleep in our bed. But I never will again if she does even one more time." But you have to mean it. And honestly, after that, if she does and he defends her, see an attorney and put the house up for sale. Marriage is not a Mom and Child thing, but that is what you have.
All this......no tell your husband to find a hotel room for his as she isn't welcome anymore.
Just tell her she can only use your room when she's breastfeeding your children.
Let me play some devil's advocate here. My mom use to have a very comfortable bed. (She was single.) It was my favorite place to take a nap. She didn't have a problem. I wasn't going through her things, I wasn't living with her. ( I ended up moving in her, she was happy on the couch, so I got to sleep in her room. Maybe the bed is comfortable. Nothing wrong that. Yes it's creepy you and your non-contributing husband have sex there, maybe it doesn't bother her because she doesn't think you will tolerate him for long, I don't know. She must have some financial means if her place is getting remodeled. I would tell her, I don't mind you taking your naps a couple times a week in my bed as long as it doesn't interrupt with my relaxing time after work. Since your place is being redone, I don't mind if you take your son home with you when you leave, see what it's like to pay all the bills, and he pay for his toys, you raised a fine boy. You can have him back. Hun, you deserve better treatment.
Very different situation you described. That was YOUR mother. She was single. You comparing apples to oranges.
Load More Replies... My mother-in-law is my best friend. My own mother is a narcissistic, manipulative and emotionally and verbally abusive mother. But my MIL is just awesome. She's not blind to her sons faults well before I came along and she looked at him and said if he screwed up I was allowed to move in...he wasn't. Good thing I love my hubby too...even when I want to brain him, cover him in honey and leave him for the ants.
Now you know what kinda man you married y'all have already made accommodations for his mom you let her take daily naps she's gonna want the whole bed so stick to your guns and tell that pus filled sack of a husband to grow a set and be a man PS when y'all got married y'all became a family so don't let that heffa get to you she knows what she's doing mark my words she knows
Now the Mommies have to look after the little babbies even in their 60's and 70's. Hats off to all of them.
That Mother in law Won't Sleep In Our bed...That Sounds weird...You Better Watch Them Mother In Laws...Be Trying To Do Spellwork And All Kinds Of... Energy Manipulation
Meh, something like “I’m paying the mortgage REEEE” doesn’t mean you have a bigger right to make decisions in the house you share as a couple. It’s a deal that you’ve previously made with your partner and if you’re unhappy with it, try to change it. That be said, I don’t think you have to let someone nap in your bed if you don’t want to. That topic could be discussed with all three people present.
Yes, Chuck, just because you let everyone and their mothers nap in your bed doesn't mean everyone is okay with that.
Load More Replies... Family or not, MIL is a guest. She doesn't get to impose any further on them and make demands, especially when she got a fully kitted-out room just for herself. She's extremely rude and this is absolutely a power-play on her part.
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