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Wife Wonders If She’s Really A Jerk For Not Granting Her Husband And His Grieving Girl Friend Some Privacy
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Wife Wonders If She’s Really A Jerk For Not Granting Her Husband And His Grieving Girl Friend Some Privacy

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Most people will probably agree that friendship is what gives life its luster.

It’s an absolute necessity that contributes on every level, boosting our happiness and giving us a sense of purpose and self-worth.

Plus, friends act as our anchors in trying times. You know you can always count on them to lend a sympathetic ear, be it because you broke down in the middle of nowhere, lost your job, ended a long-term relationship, got rejected, or, like in this case, learned some terrible news about your pet.

However, there are other circumstances – namely, when a friendship develops between people of the opposite sex – when it might raise a question or two.

We hear it time and time again: there can be no true, lasting cross-gender friendships without a sexual element. So, is this truly the case? And does the author of the post have a right to feel uncomfortable?

More info: Reddit

When one partner has a close friendship with a person of the opposite sex, even the most secure relationships can be shaken to their core

Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)

AITA for refusing to leave the room when my husband told me to?” – this web user turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members whether she’s indeed a jerk for refusing to give her husband and his female best friend some privacy. The post managed to garner over 20K upvotes as well as 8.9K comments discussing this rather fishy situation.

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Woman asks if she’s indeed a jerk for refusing to give her husband and his grieving female friend some privacy

Wife Wonders If She’s Really A Jerk For Not Granting Her Husband And His Grieving Girl Friend Some Privacy

Image credits: Corners113

The woman began her post by unveiling that her husband’s best friend, who happens to be a woman, recently got some devastating news about her dog and its cancer diagnosis. She said that he would call her every day until a couple of days earlier, when she came over to visit.

On that day, the woman answered the door, greeted her and escorted her to the living room, and then went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water when her husband requested her to – however, when she came back, they were no longer there.

The best buddies, as it turns out, went into the guest room and shut the door.

The author of the post heard some sobbing and rushed inside to see them crying and holding each other. She was standing near the door when her husband halted and instructed her to “give them a moment.” The woman went on to say that she didn’t feel comfortable with his request, so she remained standing there – but the man wasn’t having it.

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The author’s husband’s best friend, who happens to be a woman, recently learned that her dog had cancer

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Image credits: Corners113

Naturally, the author expressed her concerns, stating that it is her home too and that he couldn’t tell her where she could and couldn’t stay. The man became enraged, urged her to go, and said that they’d talk later, but she refused once again. He then chastised her for failing to see how stressful the situation was and for denying them privacy – but, the author stated that they didn’t need to close the door for any reason, no matter what it was.

The spouses kept arguing, so the friend ended up leaving. After that, the man exploded at her, calling her “unbelievable” and accusing her of having no regard for him or his friend, who was going through a very trying time.

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He called the woman overbearing for acting the way she did in front of his dear friend, but she remarked that it was strange that they closed the door merely because they were crying.

When the grieving woman came over to visit, she and the author’s husband walked into the guest room and shut the door

Image credits: Corners113

Ever since then, the man’s gone completely radio silent and is acting like the woman booted his friend out or treated her poorly.

Sometime later, when the post blew up and gained quite a lot of attention, the author decided to edit it and add some extra commentary for context. She revealed that the individuals engaged in this event ranged in age from 26 to 31 and that the woman has known her spouse for over 8 years.

She entered the room when her husband halted and instructed her to “give them a moment” – however, she refused as it made her uncomfortable

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Image credits: Corners113

Image credits: Charlotte May (not the actual photo)

The author of the post said that the friend has a tendency to be really sensitive and emotional. They don’t get along because she frequently crosses boundaries and acts in ways that give the woman the impression that she doesn’t know her husband as well as she does. What do you think about this situation? Do you believe the post’s author responded excessively?

Fellow community members shared their thoughts and opinions on this situation

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desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am more shocked at the comments here about the woman not allowing husband and " best friend" to cuddle in grief then the actual issue. Doesn't this woman have other friends and family to provide support? OP do you realize that you have been "sharing" your husband with this woman. You don't run to a married man's house, then go into a bedroom with a closed door to cry on his shoulder and expect his wife to skidaddle. I see zero boundaries here from the best friend AND your husband. Not sure what to make of him crying as well because that's just so damn weird, but whatever. Your husband's reaction is very troubling cause he's eating his cake and having it, quite frankly. Time for a serious sit down. He can't be married and single. Cause from where I'm sitting, that's no " friendship". He's dating her under the auspices of " friendship", that's why it was okay in her head to come and cry on his shoulder knowing he's married. NTA

tjcbelly avatar
Tarih
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly wth is he crying for has he raised this dog as well, so odd. You're right on all counts. I bet if the shoe was on the other for he wouldn't be having it either😂

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tuliplovef76 avatar
Emie N.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. And I'm honestly shocked at how many BP users have clearly not read about the OP talking about how his friend talks down to her and tells her she's not good enough for her husband. That's why she doesn't get along with her. If any of you guys took the time to read that, mixed with how bizarre it is to close the door. Then you all might be more on the wife's side.

jessehill avatar
Jesse Hill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did read her reasons and am calling BS. She's obviously jealous of their close relationship and has probably been antagonistic towards his friend since the beginning.

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ngregory avatar
N Miller
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For everyone wondering about the "going against the masses", the actual result was NTA overall.

zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So it was just the person who made this article that felt like YTA ans cherry picked the answers they liked best?

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shawnwoodbury avatar
ZeroCapacity
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All of these NTAs come from that claim opposite sexes can be friends then jump to the conclusion that they are having sex. I make women friends and no we aren't attracted to each other. If the interests are the same we get along whose business is it anyways. This woman is most likely jealous of their relationship and needs to grow up. If she doesn't trust her husband get out the marriage. It is doomed anyways and the likely outcome will be nasty and bitter.

krystalzombiegirladams avatar
ZombieGirl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would be angry too if my husband left the living room to go into a closed door bedroom to embrace his girl friend. It is inappropriate. He has quite a few girl friends and I don't feel jealousy for them at all. But if he took them to another room, no matter the reason, to hug or hold each other in private, then he is absolutely doing something wrong. If he did it in the living room, I would have no issue at all because friends can hold each other when one is crying. It's the secrecy that is wrong.

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zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I might get downvoted for that, but I say YTA about this one. Some people just don't feel comfortable being vulnerable around someone they don't get along with (according to OP) standing in the room silently staring. I can see why that's uncomfortable and they'd like to have the door closed. I also find it weird how jealous and non trusting OP is with her own husband and his long-term best friend. If it was two women or men crying together, she surely, wouldn't have bat an eye.

tuliplovef76 avatar
Emie N.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did you read her list of reasons why she doesn't get along with his friend? It's right in this same article. She's always telling her she doesn't know her husband like she does. That is a HUGE boundary issue.

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bastock23 avatar
Andy
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she feels she cannot even trust her husband to be alone in a room with a crying woman without the door open, then clearly she has bigger issues in this marriage. The woman's dog is seriously ill and may die, I doubt her first reaction was this would be a great opportunity to come round and try and shag her husband

davd2222 avatar
David Andrews
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that she heard the woman crying rather than doing anything suspicious, and still went in and stood there demanding that she must be present is just plain weird. What did she was think was going to happen if they were left alone for 5 mins? Poster does not like this woman, and doesn't seem like the type of person who would have hidden that from her, so I can understand if the husband saw his friend was breaking down he may have taken her aside

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kathmorgan avatar
kath morgan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Idk, I think shutting the door is pretty weird. If they behave like normal friends, they cry in the living room, no red flag gets raised, no argument happens. They’re not acting like normal friends, they’re acting like people who expect to be caught out. It’s not the gender of the friend that’s the problem, it’s the squirrelly behaviour.

cristinadullanty avatar
Cristina Dullanty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would be shocked if one of my male friends escorted me to a room because I was upset about something, and closed the door, because his girlfriend was home. That is as rude as it gets. He's in a relationship with someone else and his "friend" needs to respect that, completely. His "friend" needs to apologize to the OP for causing a problem between them. The OP is the only one that's NTA.

kathmorgan avatar
kath morgan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another good point about how they’re not acting like normal friends. If a guy friend tried to isolate me while vulnerable and hide it from his partner that would have lit up a whole parade of red flags…

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lissawattenbarger avatar
pug nose curly tail
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IMHO, She is NTA. I totally get having good friends of the opposite sex. No harm there. But the door closed? Nah. And I feel if the friend is also innocent, why would she want to something that would cause an issue??? She's definitely pushing the boundaries and not in a positive way. Again, JMO

libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right? If this was about something deeply personal like recovering from an assault, rape or something you would sincerely only want one or two people knowing I'd be fine with that. But she came by because she lost her dog, that's serious but not something you would really feel needed to be kept secret fgs, why the shift into a bedroom and the closed door? She could also have asked him to go see her instead of having the wife feel like a third wheel in her own home.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husbands best friend in high school was a girl. The two of them were never romantically involved. Suddenly, he's married to me three years after high school. The first time I meet her, she is very frosty to me and acts the same way the OP observed her husbands friend...acting like she knew him better than me and doing the comparison thing. I brush it off. Fast forward two years later and I found out she sent him a letter professing her love for him. I asked him how he responded and he says he didn't. She'd sent the letter a year earlier. He left her hanging. Needless to say, when we went back home to visit his mother, his friend wanted nothing to do with him. This OP might be reading something that is really there. Her husband may not be aware of it, but his friend may have feelings for him. Might be time to sit down and talk about what you observed that made you concerned in the first place. Maybe find out if the friend has a crush on your hubby. Sounds like a trust and communication breakdown to me.

sonjahackel avatar
sturmwesen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is TA. I would not want to be seen crying by a person that is obviously not close to me. It's not like they will kiss or f**k only because the door is closed. What the heck.

19jackspence87 avatar
Jack S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. No one wants to be seen crying. It's f*****g ugly and emotional and the last thing you need is to feel like your being judged.

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kaa1710 avatar
Kaa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my dog was diagnosed with cancer I would spend every available minute with him. And not go to a guy's house and cry in his arms. Especially if he's married. Except I see more in him but "friendship" and the cancer story doubles as a door opener

lukim3200 avatar
Sparkle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's so weird to me that this grief is over a dog, and that the husband immediately took his "friend" to the bedroom for some privacy. Why can't his wife be there? Shouldn't she be friends with both of them? His reaction would have me signing divorce papers real quick.

i82much99 avatar
Laura Pantazis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grieved more for my cat than I have for any person, including extended family and friends lost over the years. The pain of my cat's passing was unbearable. For months, I cried on a regular basis and spoke to a professional once about how to cope with the grief. It has been a year and a half, and there are days I still cry. My point is that there are some pets that transcend into true family. Losing them is literally losing a member of the family. The grief is real and every bit as strong as losing a member of the family.

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marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No reason to go to another room and shut the door. How would husband like it if wife had a male best friend and they went into a guest room and shut the door..? Bet husband wouldn't like it one bit. I have had male friends and I never felt the need to go to another room and shut the door on my husband. My husband shared the conversations because I wanted him involved. Something doesn't feel right. And when something makes you uncomfortable don't ignore that feeling.

jessehill avatar
Jesse Hill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't usually comment on these, but who flings open a door when you hear sobbing on the other side? You knock and ask if there's anything they need. She obviously doesn't trust her husband and is jealous of his relationship with the other girl.

ky_1 avatar
K Y
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He asked her to get a glass of water and, presumably, bring it back. Kinda need to open the door to do that.

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thera_el_shara avatar
Frijke Broos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a lot of male friends. That you are friends with someone off the opposite sex doesn't mean you want to sleep with them and if you don't trust the friend, thrust your husband. I really can't see any other reason why the closed door would be a problem for her. And in my case, I am bisexual, it would be really problematic because then I couldn't be an a closed room with any off my friends when I need privacy. So yes, she is TA.

hea_c avatar
StrangeOne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex bf had a lot of female friends. Some I got along with. Others not so much. He had some guy friends, too. Most of them were all in their own relationships. I had 0 concern of him cheating. Either that or deep down I just didn't care LOL.

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miz_jen_lee avatar
Jennifer Lee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. It is absolutely unacceptable for a married person to remain friends with a member of the opposite sex who doesn't like their spouse. This situation is ALWAYS going to be toxic for the relationship. My husband has lots of women friends. We get along great. They even go camping together without me, and I'm fine with it. There was ONE friend who was openly rude to me when we first met because she had a romantic interest in my husband. I told him I would not tolerate this person in our circle of friends, just as I would not expect him to tolerate any of my male friends who had a romantic interest in me. People like that are always waiting and watching for an opportunity to step in during a rough patch in the marriage. Fortunately, my husband shared my views and ditched the friend who was rude to me. When you make a commitment to another person through marriage, that commitment means you do not divide your loyalty by hanging on to a rival.

rhodaguirreparras avatar
Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reduce this to "men and women can be friends" is not understanding at all what's going on. The friend, the oh so grieving friend has a history of throwing shade at the wife, stating that she doesn't know him as well as she does. If that's not competing with another woman over a man l don't know what is then.

pauljellema avatar
Poeha
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I notice a woman is upset about nothing, I do extra effort to stay out of the way. Once it was really stupid. Some guys I don't know forgot their keys. They live in the same huge flat, so I helped em, because they didn't understand Dutch and I was just saying I had that also once and climbed over the neighbour's balcony to get in, so we were just laughing and talking for not even 5 mins and all of a sudden this woman comes, angry that I spoke to her man. Okidoki gotta go!

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dk_5 avatar
LapCat
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the husband thinks what she did was sooooo unfair, the “petty in me” would build and foster a close, platonic friendship with another man and then do the same exact thing to hubby.

alisonreddick avatar
AliJanx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, your husband is. Your husband is letting the boundaries be crossed.

katlynm avatar
K.M.
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Boundaries aren't set in stone, they differ for many people.

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marneederider40 avatar
Marnie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are so many comments referring to the dog having died. I don't see anywhere in the post that the dog died, just that the woman had found out the dog has cancer.

lyrical_joke avatar
Jack O'reilly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Super sketch. Husband asks wife to get a glass of water, as soon as she heads to the kitchen they run off to the bedroom and shut the door.

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem definitely runs deeper. It's not about a closed door and crying on the friends shoulder at all.

sheribowes avatar
Sheri Bowes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't you should rethink the marriage. If he wants to cheat he will find a way. You cannot stare at him 24/7. After hearing the sobbing I would have handed in the glass of water and left. If you do not like her in your lives because you 2 don't get along that is a different discussion that needs to happen. It has been 8 years, if they have been sleeping together the one time you stare at them won't change anything

jsmith_6 avatar
J Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lot of weirdos in these comments. Being married means giving up intimate relationships with other women. This was just plain weird.

boredpanda1_1 avatar
Becky Samuel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So for the (quite large) proportion of the population who are bi- or pan sexual, does thst mean that we have to give up on having any friends of any gender once we're married? If * you* can't trust yourself to keep it in your pants around women, then that's a you problem, don't project it onto everyone else.

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hea_c avatar
StrangeOne
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people have watched too many chick flicks. "Awww you're going through a hard time. Here, let me hug you. Omg I think I have feelings for you now. Let's have sex in my guest room, with door unlocked and my wife at home, who will "inadvertently" walk in on us mid-romp." Get real. Men and women should be able to have close friends they can hug. Some cultures will even give all their friends and family, and even people they've just been acquainted pecks on the cheeks. My mom and her ex-husband had been friends of a French couple who did that, and my mom got really jealous and really angry when the wife gave my mom's husband at the time pecks on the cheek. She did that with me and my mom, too, but apparently my mom felt she gave a longer kiss to her now-ex. I thought it was weird she thought it there was something more going on. Plus, also this is the husband's house, too. Her going all "I don't like that this is going on in MY house is ignorant that it's her husband's house, too, and his long-term, good friend." I just don't understand jealousy.

tjcbelly avatar
Tarih
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haha not an excuse we greet folks the same way in my culture. It's called discretion and respect. Getting like that isn't always necessary and if you see it's an issue you respect it and adjust the greeting to one that's culturally acceptive to the receivers. Haha you tried it. 🤦‍♀️ I don't think it's jealousy on her part, just that she does not feel comfortable with the actions that's going down and the husbands disrespectful responses to her in front of this outsider in their marriage. 🤷‍♀️

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othornhill6792 avatar
fatharry3 avatar
Fat Harry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't it odd that several of the NTA posts say "I'm going to go against the masses..." and yet BP shows only one YTA post. I can't help but think the replies shown here have been cherry picked.

lyrical_joke avatar
Jack O'reilly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Super sketch. Husband asks wife for a glass of water, as soon as she goes to the kitchen to get it they head off to the guest bedroom

debs_bee avatar
Debs Bee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like the OP has good reason to be suspicious of the friend based on the nature of their relationship.

xolitaire avatar
xolitaire
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA 100%. This is not about your husband's friend doing something wrong, it's about YOU Being insecure. Men and women can be friends. Weird concept, I know.

boredpanda1_1 avatar
Becky Samuel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Situations like this make me laugh, because *so many* people are bisexual, and we can manage to have friends of any gender *without having sex with them*. When someone tells me that they don't believe that men and women can be friends without their being something sexual in it, that tells me a lot about *them*.

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ivanhackel avatar
Ivanh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Insecure a*****e. Men and women can be friends, have some trust in your partner for God's sake.

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very fishy. Husband and his " friend " are hiding something.

elizabethdeighton101 avatar
Elizabeth Deighton
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whilst engaged to my hubby, I walked into a class room at church and found him giving a female friend a hug (doors are hard to keep open) She didn't see me, was crying her heart out and he just looked at me very steadily and I walked out. Later he explained what had happened and thanked me for not making a fuss. However, a closed door in your own home that is a different thing altogether. You had every right to be upset.

ultimatedomesticgoddess avatar
Callie Ge
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ll say it, your husband is cheating on you with this woman. If it’s not a physical affair it’s an emotional one. They Both treat you like trash, like you’re the interloper. Pack his bags tell him to go live with his girlfriend, You will not put up with their BS anymore.

tjoorivids avatar
Tjoori Vids
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

TL;DR. YTA. Grief is grief. I've been in the same situation, but it was a male friend that needed comfort. And it was perfectly okay with my partner, who totally understood the need for some privacy for HIM, and that I was simply there to offer support. Frankly, if you don't have trust, you have nothing.

silverskycloud avatar
SilverSkyCloud
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

urm why the f*k did they have to go to a BEDROOM for a cry session?

chelfedd7 avatar
Pariah Mouse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The wife is absolutely NTA- the whole thing is shady AF. The fact that he asked his wife to go get water so they could relocate is screaming "something isn't kosher here". Yeah, I am an insecure person, but there are too many red flags here. They could have asked for privacy in the living room, without a closed door. He was just afraid that in his "grief" he would go too far physically trying to comfort the chick and didn't want the wife to see or hear, I guarantee you. My intuition is screaming RN, something NSFW is happening between them, I almost bet you...

willemsen avatar
Meami
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was a guy friend grieving over his dying dog, I bet the husband and the friend wouldn’t have gone in the guest room and shut the door. This friend is in love with the husband and would love to destroy the marriage. The husband is either a clueless moron or loves the attention and is maybe more than friends with the woman. OP needs to ask her husband how he would feel if she shut herself in the guest room with a grieving male friend. I bet he’d be pissed as hell.

milda_mockunaite avatar
LaZyBeAr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like that girl is in love with OP's husband and tries to do everything to make her special in his life (humiliates OP, call for him every day, cries on his shoulder, hides in the other room with him, from her...). It's just childish.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Knew a couple who divorced because he ended up 'emotionally' cheated on his wife, as he told her. He hadn't crossed that line to physical (he claimed). It started out innocently, he just was a shoulder to 'cry on' and he counseled her with her issues, then it changed, he fell in love. They had a 20+ year marriage, she let him go. Some churches have a policy that men or women that it is never one on one in a room. It always have to have a third person in the room. Not a bad policy in general, be it at work, or social events, family gatherings.

marinarocha avatar
Marina Rocha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What would be the reaction if the friend was from the same sex? I don't think many people appreciate how opposite sex friendship is exactly the same as same sex friendship. I think the whole situation is a little weird but no need to enter into this discussion when people are overwhelmed with emotions. Everyone is very immature here.

zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hm. It does sound a bit like there is somewhat of a possibility of the whole friendship being more than they say it is. At the very least, she (the girl friend) likes pushing it and the guy feels flattered. But a situation like this is not the right time to address it. If the women don't get along I get why she is not comfortable crying in front of her. Andas the wife if I had to stand by and watch to keep my husband from cheating then he is not worth it anyway.

emilycockroft avatar
Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously?? Yta. They're not gonna be f*****g or anything. I get if u don't like her but her dog died and she may need the support from her best friend and may not like crying in front of people. People of opposite sexes can be friends

forthrowingawayb avatar
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are the a*****e, yes men and women can be friends, yes you are too sensitive and have trust issues, no they couldn't possibly cheat in the 2 minutes you were away in your house with the door unlocked, if your husband wanted to cheat he would have already done it, no someone who is grieving their dog dying isn't gonna want to f**k someones else husband in their house with their wife home, yes crying is ugly and raw and makes you feel exposed so its ok to close the door, they already don't like eachother, and I feel that the wife used that as an excuse to look at this in a worse way than it was

jennya_sdsu avatar
whateves
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where is the dog in all this? They don't usually put them down that fast, do they?

angela_turrall avatar
Angela Turrall
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, they definitely do put them down that fast, it depends on how ill they were, whether it was treatable, how much pain they are in etc. etc. Happened to someone I know just this week, less than a week between illness and then passing. The family is absolutely devastated, it's been like losing a human family member. Meanwhile another friend's dog has cancer and she's simply letting doggo live their best life until she no longer can. No one rule.

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funkycherry81 avatar
The Redhead
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA not a doubt in my mind. Your husband's best friend just needed a moment. Would you have acted that way if it had been one of his male friends. One of my best friends for the last 20 years is male I'm female obviously he's like my brother and it has always been 100% platonic.

desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am more shocked at the comments here about the woman not allowing husband and " best friend" to cuddle in grief then the actual issue. Doesn't this woman have other friends and family to provide support? OP do you realize that you have been "sharing" your husband with this woman. You don't run to a married man's house, then go into a bedroom with a closed door to cry on his shoulder and expect his wife to skidaddle. I see zero boundaries here from the best friend AND your husband. Not sure what to make of him crying as well because that's just so damn weird, but whatever. Your husband's reaction is very troubling cause he's eating his cake and having it, quite frankly. Time for a serious sit down. He can't be married and single. Cause from where I'm sitting, that's no " friendship". He's dating her under the auspices of " friendship", that's why it was okay in her head to come and cry on his shoulder knowing he's married. NTA

tjcbelly avatar
Tarih
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly wth is he crying for has he raised this dog as well, so odd. You're right on all counts. I bet if the shoe was on the other for he wouldn't be having it either😂

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tuliplovef76 avatar
Emie N.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. And I'm honestly shocked at how many BP users have clearly not read about the OP talking about how his friend talks down to her and tells her she's not good enough for her husband. That's why she doesn't get along with her. If any of you guys took the time to read that, mixed with how bizarre it is to close the door. Then you all might be more on the wife's side.

jessehill avatar
Jesse Hill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did read her reasons and am calling BS. She's obviously jealous of their close relationship and has probably been antagonistic towards his friend since the beginning.

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ngregory avatar
N Miller
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For everyone wondering about the "going against the masses", the actual result was NTA overall.

zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So it was just the person who made this article that felt like YTA ans cherry picked the answers they liked best?

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shawnwoodbury avatar
ZeroCapacity
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All of these NTAs come from that claim opposite sexes can be friends then jump to the conclusion that they are having sex. I make women friends and no we aren't attracted to each other. If the interests are the same we get along whose business is it anyways. This woman is most likely jealous of their relationship and needs to grow up. If she doesn't trust her husband get out the marriage. It is doomed anyways and the likely outcome will be nasty and bitter.

krystalzombiegirladams avatar
ZombieGirl
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would be angry too if my husband left the living room to go into a closed door bedroom to embrace his girl friend. It is inappropriate. He has quite a few girl friends and I don't feel jealousy for them at all. But if he took them to another room, no matter the reason, to hug or hold each other in private, then he is absolutely doing something wrong. If he did it in the living room, I would have no issue at all because friends can hold each other when one is crying. It's the secrecy that is wrong.

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zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I might get downvoted for that, but I say YTA about this one. Some people just don't feel comfortable being vulnerable around someone they don't get along with (according to OP) standing in the room silently staring. I can see why that's uncomfortable and they'd like to have the door closed. I also find it weird how jealous and non trusting OP is with her own husband and his long-term best friend. If it was two women or men crying together, she surely, wouldn't have bat an eye.

tuliplovef76 avatar
Emie N.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did you read her list of reasons why she doesn't get along with his friend? It's right in this same article. She's always telling her she doesn't know her husband like she does. That is a HUGE boundary issue.

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bastock23 avatar
Andy
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she feels she cannot even trust her husband to be alone in a room with a crying woman without the door open, then clearly she has bigger issues in this marriage. The woman's dog is seriously ill and may die, I doubt her first reaction was this would be a great opportunity to come round and try and shag her husband

davd2222 avatar
David Andrews
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that she heard the woman crying rather than doing anything suspicious, and still went in and stood there demanding that she must be present is just plain weird. What did she was think was going to happen if they were left alone for 5 mins? Poster does not like this woman, and doesn't seem like the type of person who would have hidden that from her, so I can understand if the husband saw his friend was breaking down he may have taken her aside

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kath morgan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Idk, I think shutting the door is pretty weird. If they behave like normal friends, they cry in the living room, no red flag gets raised, no argument happens. They’re not acting like normal friends, they’re acting like people who expect to be caught out. It’s not the gender of the friend that’s the problem, it’s the squirrelly behaviour.

cristinadullanty avatar
Cristina Dullanty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would be shocked if one of my male friends escorted me to a room because I was upset about something, and closed the door, because his girlfriend was home. That is as rude as it gets. He's in a relationship with someone else and his "friend" needs to respect that, completely. His "friend" needs to apologize to the OP for causing a problem between them. The OP is the only one that's NTA.

kathmorgan avatar
kath morgan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another good point about how they’re not acting like normal friends. If a guy friend tried to isolate me while vulnerable and hide it from his partner that would have lit up a whole parade of red flags…

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lissawattenbarger avatar
pug nose curly tail
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IMHO, She is NTA. I totally get having good friends of the opposite sex. No harm there. But the door closed? Nah. And I feel if the friend is also innocent, why would she want to something that would cause an issue??? She's definitely pushing the boundaries and not in a positive way. Again, JMO

libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right? If this was about something deeply personal like recovering from an assault, rape or something you would sincerely only want one or two people knowing I'd be fine with that. But she came by because she lost her dog, that's serious but not something you would really feel needed to be kept secret fgs, why the shift into a bedroom and the closed door? She could also have asked him to go see her instead of having the wife feel like a third wheel in her own home.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husbands best friend in high school was a girl. The two of them were never romantically involved. Suddenly, he's married to me three years after high school. The first time I meet her, she is very frosty to me and acts the same way the OP observed her husbands friend...acting like she knew him better than me and doing the comparison thing. I brush it off. Fast forward two years later and I found out she sent him a letter professing her love for him. I asked him how he responded and he says he didn't. She'd sent the letter a year earlier. He left her hanging. Needless to say, when we went back home to visit his mother, his friend wanted nothing to do with him. This OP might be reading something that is really there. Her husband may not be aware of it, but his friend may have feelings for him. Might be time to sit down and talk about what you observed that made you concerned in the first place. Maybe find out if the friend has a crush on your hubby. Sounds like a trust and communication breakdown to me.

sonjahackel avatar
sturmwesen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is TA. I would not want to be seen crying by a person that is obviously not close to me. It's not like they will kiss or f**k only because the door is closed. What the heck.

19jackspence87 avatar
Jack S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. No one wants to be seen crying. It's f*****g ugly and emotional and the last thing you need is to feel like your being judged.

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kaa1710 avatar
Kaa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my dog was diagnosed with cancer I would spend every available minute with him. And not go to a guy's house and cry in his arms. Especially if he's married. Except I see more in him but "friendship" and the cancer story doubles as a door opener

lukim3200 avatar
Sparkle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's so weird to me that this grief is over a dog, and that the husband immediately took his "friend" to the bedroom for some privacy. Why can't his wife be there? Shouldn't she be friends with both of them? His reaction would have me signing divorce papers real quick.

i82much99 avatar
Laura Pantazis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I grieved more for my cat than I have for any person, including extended family and friends lost over the years. The pain of my cat's passing was unbearable. For months, I cried on a regular basis and spoke to a professional once about how to cope with the grief. It has been a year and a half, and there are days I still cry. My point is that there are some pets that transcend into true family. Losing them is literally losing a member of the family. The grief is real and every bit as strong as losing a member of the family.

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marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No reason to go to another room and shut the door. How would husband like it if wife had a male best friend and they went into a guest room and shut the door..? Bet husband wouldn't like it one bit. I have had male friends and I never felt the need to go to another room and shut the door on my husband. My husband shared the conversations because I wanted him involved. Something doesn't feel right. And when something makes you uncomfortable don't ignore that feeling.

jessehill avatar
Jesse Hill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't usually comment on these, but who flings open a door when you hear sobbing on the other side? You knock and ask if there's anything they need. She obviously doesn't trust her husband and is jealous of his relationship with the other girl.

ky_1 avatar
K Y
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He asked her to get a glass of water and, presumably, bring it back. Kinda need to open the door to do that.

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thera_el_shara avatar
Frijke Broos
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a lot of male friends. That you are friends with someone off the opposite sex doesn't mean you want to sleep with them and if you don't trust the friend, thrust your husband. I really can't see any other reason why the closed door would be a problem for her. And in my case, I am bisexual, it would be really problematic because then I couldn't be an a closed room with any off my friends when I need privacy. So yes, she is TA.

hea_c avatar
StrangeOne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex bf had a lot of female friends. Some I got along with. Others not so much. He had some guy friends, too. Most of them were all in their own relationships. I had 0 concern of him cheating. Either that or deep down I just didn't care LOL.

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miz_jen_lee avatar
Jennifer Lee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. It is absolutely unacceptable for a married person to remain friends with a member of the opposite sex who doesn't like their spouse. This situation is ALWAYS going to be toxic for the relationship. My husband has lots of women friends. We get along great. They even go camping together without me, and I'm fine with it. There was ONE friend who was openly rude to me when we first met because she had a romantic interest in my husband. I told him I would not tolerate this person in our circle of friends, just as I would not expect him to tolerate any of my male friends who had a romantic interest in me. People like that are always waiting and watching for an opportunity to step in during a rough patch in the marriage. Fortunately, my husband shared my views and ditched the friend who was rude to me. When you make a commitment to another person through marriage, that commitment means you do not divide your loyalty by hanging on to a rival.

rhodaguirreparras avatar
Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reduce this to "men and women can be friends" is not understanding at all what's going on. The friend, the oh so grieving friend has a history of throwing shade at the wife, stating that she doesn't know him as well as she does. If that's not competing with another woman over a man l don't know what is then.

pauljellema avatar
Poeha
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I notice a woman is upset about nothing, I do extra effort to stay out of the way. Once it was really stupid. Some guys I don't know forgot their keys. They live in the same huge flat, so I helped em, because they didn't understand Dutch and I was just saying I had that also once and climbed over the neighbour's balcony to get in, so we were just laughing and talking for not even 5 mins and all of a sudden this woman comes, angry that I spoke to her man. Okidoki gotta go!

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dk_5 avatar
LapCat
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the husband thinks what she did was sooooo unfair, the “petty in me” would build and foster a close, platonic friendship with another man and then do the same exact thing to hubby.

alisonreddick avatar
AliJanx
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, your husband is. Your husband is letting the boundaries be crossed.

katlynm avatar
K.M.
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Boundaries aren't set in stone, they differ for many people.

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marneederider40 avatar
Marnie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are so many comments referring to the dog having died. I don't see anywhere in the post that the dog died, just that the woman had found out the dog has cancer.

lyrical_joke avatar
Jack O'reilly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Super sketch. Husband asks wife to get a glass of water, as soon as she heads to the kitchen they run off to the bedroom and shut the door.

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem definitely runs deeper. It's not about a closed door and crying on the friends shoulder at all.

sheribowes avatar
Sheri Bowes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't you should rethink the marriage. If he wants to cheat he will find a way. You cannot stare at him 24/7. After hearing the sobbing I would have handed in the glass of water and left. If you do not like her in your lives because you 2 don't get along that is a different discussion that needs to happen. It has been 8 years, if they have been sleeping together the one time you stare at them won't change anything

jsmith_6 avatar
J Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lot of weirdos in these comments. Being married means giving up intimate relationships with other women. This was just plain weird.

boredpanda1_1 avatar
Becky Samuel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So for the (quite large) proportion of the population who are bi- or pan sexual, does thst mean that we have to give up on having any friends of any gender once we're married? If * you* can't trust yourself to keep it in your pants around women, then that's a you problem, don't project it onto everyone else.

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hea_c avatar
StrangeOne
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people have watched too many chick flicks. "Awww you're going through a hard time. Here, let me hug you. Omg I think I have feelings for you now. Let's have sex in my guest room, with door unlocked and my wife at home, who will "inadvertently" walk in on us mid-romp." Get real. Men and women should be able to have close friends they can hug. Some cultures will even give all their friends and family, and even people they've just been acquainted pecks on the cheeks. My mom and her ex-husband had been friends of a French couple who did that, and my mom got really jealous and really angry when the wife gave my mom's husband at the time pecks on the cheek. She did that with me and my mom, too, but apparently my mom felt she gave a longer kiss to her now-ex. I thought it was weird she thought it there was something more going on. Plus, also this is the husband's house, too. Her going all "I don't like that this is going on in MY house is ignorant that it's her husband's house, too, and his long-term, good friend." I just don't understand jealousy.

tjcbelly avatar
Tarih
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Haha not an excuse we greet folks the same way in my culture. It's called discretion and respect. Getting like that isn't always necessary and if you see it's an issue you respect it and adjust the greeting to one that's culturally acceptive to the receivers. Haha you tried it. 🤦‍♀️ I don't think it's jealousy on her part, just that she does not feel comfortable with the actions that's going down and the husbands disrespectful responses to her in front of this outsider in their marriage. 🤷‍♀️

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fatharry3 avatar
Fat Harry
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't it odd that several of the NTA posts say "I'm going to go against the masses..." and yet BP shows only one YTA post. I can't help but think the replies shown here have been cherry picked.

lyrical_joke avatar
Jack O'reilly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Super sketch. Husband asks wife for a glass of water, as soon as she goes to the kitchen to get it they head off to the guest bedroom

debs_bee avatar
Debs Bee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It sounds like the OP has good reason to be suspicious of the friend based on the nature of their relationship.

xolitaire avatar
xolitaire
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA 100%. This is not about your husband's friend doing something wrong, it's about YOU Being insecure. Men and women can be friends. Weird concept, I know.

boredpanda1_1 avatar
Becky Samuel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Situations like this make me laugh, because *so many* people are bisexual, and we can manage to have friends of any gender *without having sex with them*. When someone tells me that they don't believe that men and women can be friends without their being something sexual in it, that tells me a lot about *them*.

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ivanhackel avatar
Ivanh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Insecure a*****e. Men and women can be friends, have some trust in your partner for God's sake.

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Very fishy. Husband and his " friend " are hiding something.

elizabethdeighton101 avatar
Elizabeth Deighton
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whilst engaged to my hubby, I walked into a class room at church and found him giving a female friend a hug (doors are hard to keep open) She didn't see me, was crying her heart out and he just looked at me very steadily and I walked out. Later he explained what had happened and thanked me for not making a fuss. However, a closed door in your own home that is a different thing altogether. You had every right to be upset.

ultimatedomesticgoddess avatar
Callie Ge
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ll say it, your husband is cheating on you with this woman. If it’s not a physical affair it’s an emotional one. They Both treat you like trash, like you’re the interloper. Pack his bags tell him to go live with his girlfriend, You will not put up with their BS anymore.

tjoorivids avatar
Tjoori Vids
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

TL;DR. YTA. Grief is grief. I've been in the same situation, but it was a male friend that needed comfort. And it was perfectly okay with my partner, who totally understood the need for some privacy for HIM, and that I was simply there to offer support. Frankly, if you don't have trust, you have nothing.

silverskycloud avatar
SilverSkyCloud
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

urm why the f*k did they have to go to a BEDROOM for a cry session?

chelfedd7 avatar
Pariah Mouse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The wife is absolutely NTA- the whole thing is shady AF. The fact that he asked his wife to go get water so they could relocate is screaming "something isn't kosher here". Yeah, I am an insecure person, but there are too many red flags here. They could have asked for privacy in the living room, without a closed door. He was just afraid that in his "grief" he would go too far physically trying to comfort the chick and didn't want the wife to see or hear, I guarantee you. My intuition is screaming RN, something NSFW is happening between them, I almost bet you...

willemsen avatar
Meami
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was a guy friend grieving over his dying dog, I bet the husband and the friend wouldn’t have gone in the guest room and shut the door. This friend is in love with the husband and would love to destroy the marriage. The husband is either a clueless moron or loves the attention and is maybe more than friends with the woman. OP needs to ask her husband how he would feel if she shut herself in the guest room with a grieving male friend. I bet he’d be pissed as hell.

milda_mockunaite avatar
LaZyBeAr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seems like that girl is in love with OP's husband and tries to do everything to make her special in his life (humiliates OP, call for him every day, cries on his shoulder, hides in the other room with him, from her...). It's just childish.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Knew a couple who divorced because he ended up 'emotionally' cheated on his wife, as he told her. He hadn't crossed that line to physical (he claimed). It started out innocently, he just was a shoulder to 'cry on' and he counseled her with her issues, then it changed, he fell in love. They had a 20+ year marriage, she let him go. Some churches have a policy that men or women that it is never one on one in a room. It always have to have a third person in the room. Not a bad policy in general, be it at work, or social events, family gatherings.

marinarocha avatar
Marina Rocha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What would be the reaction if the friend was from the same sex? I don't think many people appreciate how opposite sex friendship is exactly the same as same sex friendship. I think the whole situation is a little weird but no need to enter into this discussion when people are overwhelmed with emotions. Everyone is very immature here.

zora24_1 avatar
Trillian
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hm. It does sound a bit like there is somewhat of a possibility of the whole friendship being more than they say it is. At the very least, she (the girl friend) likes pushing it and the guy feels flattered. But a situation like this is not the right time to address it. If the women don't get along I get why she is not comfortable crying in front of her. Andas the wife if I had to stand by and watch to keep my husband from cheating then he is not worth it anyway.

emilycockroft avatar
Aroace tiger (she/they/he)
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously?? Yta. They're not gonna be f*****g or anything. I get if u don't like her but her dog died and she may need the support from her best friend and may not like crying in front of people. People of opposite sexes can be friends

forthrowingawayb avatar
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are the a*****e, yes men and women can be friends, yes you are too sensitive and have trust issues, no they couldn't possibly cheat in the 2 minutes you were away in your house with the door unlocked, if your husband wanted to cheat he would have already done it, no someone who is grieving their dog dying isn't gonna want to f**k someones else husband in their house with their wife home, yes crying is ugly and raw and makes you feel exposed so its ok to close the door, they already don't like eachother, and I feel that the wife used that as an excuse to look at this in a worse way than it was

jennya_sdsu avatar
whateves
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where is the dog in all this? They don't usually put them down that fast, do they?

angela_turrall avatar
Angela Turrall
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, they definitely do put them down that fast, it depends on how ill they were, whether it was treatable, how much pain they are in etc. etc. Happened to someone I know just this week, less than a week between illness and then passing. The family is absolutely devastated, it's been like losing a human family member. Meanwhile another friend's dog has cancer and she's simply letting doggo live their best life until she no longer can. No one rule.

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funkycherry81 avatar
The Redhead
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA not a doubt in my mind. Your husband's best friend just needed a moment. Would you have acted that way if it had been one of his male friends. One of my best friends for the last 20 years is male I'm female obviously he's like my brother and it has always been 100% platonic.

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