The high school years are a wonderful time that most people will remember with nostalgia for the rest of their lives. But, on the other hand, during this period, we are faced with many problems that require either the ability to compromise or prove one’s case. In our teen years, each of us starts expressing ourselves – at first through visual appearance, and not always, alas, to others’ approval.
Teenagers’ attempts to change their appearance are often met with opposition from their parents, who, in turn, are guided by their own criteria for what is appropriate and what is not. But sometimes it happens that parents support teenagers, but their school just does not. Sometimes this rejection becomes really weird.
A classic example is the story of this mom, who wrote a post on the AITA Reddit community, gaining around 22.4K upvotes and over 1.8K comments so far. You have to give the Original Poster her due – she tries to defend her daughter’s rights, opposing the school bureaucracy. Or maybe something even worse…
More info: Reddit
The Original Poster’s daughter decided to dye her hair dark reddish brown for her 15th birthday
Image credits: adorn hairdressers (not the actual image)
So the Original Poster’s daughter recently turned 15 and decided to dye her hair dark reddish brown for her birthday. The mother had such an agreement with her daughter – in middle school, she was not allowed to dye her hair, but in high school, there’s no problem. The problem arose literally out of the blue because at the school where the OP’s daughter studies, there is a dress code which provides for “natural hair colors only”.
Image credits: u/smd130r
The OP’s daughter’s natural hair color is black, so, according to her mother, it’s actually not much of a change. This was confirmed by the hairdresser, who said that it was not lightened enough to cause significant damage.
Imagre credits: vickysandoval22 (not the actual image )
The girl’s teachers weren’t happy with her hair color, considering it to be a school dress code violation
But the school representatives were strongly opposed. At the beginning of last October, one of the teachers complained at the parent teacher meeting that the OP’s daughter’s hair did not meet the dress code – supposedly, such a shade was not natural for the girl’s hair. The mother quite reasonably drew attention to another classmates who dyed their hair in a variety of colors, but the teacher said that for them, these shades look natural.
Image credits: u/smd130r
The girl is Asian, so one of the teachers remarked that her hair was supposed to be black, which her mom found pretty racist
When the OP clarified what she meant by “natural”, the teacher remarked that her daughter’s hair was supposed to be black. The OP’s daughter is Asian, so mom found this pretty racist and went to complain to the school principal. However, the principal also did not agree with her – although there were many schoolchildren around with light brown and blonde hair, dyeing it in various shades, and the teachers did not consider this a dress code violation.
Image credits: u/smd130r
This situation, according to the OP, continued until the end of the school year. Mom tried to contact the superintendent about this, but got no response. And now, the new school year is already approaching, the OP’s daughter still dyes her hair dark reddish brown and does not want to go back to black.
Image credits: u/smd130r
The school principal emailed the OP before the new school year started claiming that her daughter is only allowed black hair
The OP recently received an email from the school principal reminding her that her daughter is only allowed black hair. Mom was outraged again and decided to go straight to the superintendent’s office and demand she get involved.
Image credits: Angelin Song (not the actual image )
People in the comments also found this teacher’s behavior racist and told the OP to contact ACLU
Most of the commenters were openly outraged by this behavior from the school administration, urging the OP to either contact the ACLU (if she lives in the USA) or bring this story to the attention of the local press. People in the comments are pretty sure that in this case, the conflict will be quickly resolved in favor of the OP and her daughter.
Moreover, according to some commenters, if she received a written request for her daughter to keep her hair only black, then this is actually a reason for a lawsuit. In any case, people in the comments strongly support this mother in her fighting racist policies and backing her daughter.
We’re pretty sure you have something to say about this story too, so please feel free to express your point of view in the comments.
Who are these people who have so much time on their hands that they're policing kids' hair color? The fact that the white kids in the school are dying their hair blonde and red suggests that there's a double standard here.
They're unhappy people who feel they have no control over their own lives, so they exert a ridiculous amount of control over others. Making others miserable makes them feel better. Horrible people, and they should never, ever be allowed in positions of authority.
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What's stupid about policing kids hair color, in general, is that it is the best time for kids to have crazy hair colors because they're kids! Depending on the career path, you can't have crazy colors as adults, so why not allow it as kids?! It's never made any sense to me. This particular incident is clearly racist though.
I had my hair or part of my hair dyed in black, red, purple, pink, orange, blue (that turned greenish pretty fast) and aslo party bleached between 15 and 19 yo, yet never had a problem at school (late 90's early 20's in France) and we didn't have the most tolerant headmaster by then ( like he tried to prevent a lesbian couple to hold hands). I stopped when my hair got sick of my experimentations ;p I'm a bit surprised by this school policy 🤔 how does your hair color change your grades?
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This just gave me such flash backs to a friend of mine in middle school. She had gorgeous bright bright naturally red hair and some teacher reported her for having dyed her hair an unnatural color. It turned into a huge ordeal between her parents and the school. Can you imagine having to prove your kids natural hair color to your kids school? It destroyed my friend. She held on to feeling awkward about her hair color well into Highschool. This was nearly 30 years ago so I can't believe how strongly I reacted to a post about kids and hair color. Policing hair color is just as bad as punishing kids for a visible bra strap. Seriously, wtf schools?
I heard of a similar story more recently in Korea. Girl had medium brown hair, her school kept harassing her since they had a "No-dying" policy. The mom brought in a picture of her daughter as a toddler with her natural hair color, medium brown. The principal's response - dye it black. I'm not sure what the mom decided to do. I would have refused, stating their own school policy. If they want all the students to have black hair, they can add that to the dress code next year
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WTF.... I am Asian, Im also Albino, I have Snow white hair, I swear if a school tried this to me they would be mostly Fed up by my aunts
She's better than me. If I was told that then me and my kid would be going in there with blue hair.
Can't black haired people have kind of a blue sheen to their hair? Or is that just bottle died black hair?
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I was also curious and looked it up. In the reddit post, zebramath says that in her school, the 4 C's are "crotch, crack, cleavage, and cheeks."
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What the f*****g f**k is this? The majority of East Asians can genetically only have one hair color. So Caucasians, who have more diversity in this regard, can pick and choose while East Asians can't? And what of Asiatic groups that have (traditional) Asian features but variations in other regards? F**k that..I'd go to the Superintendent and have them all reported.
Why on earth does a school have rules for hair at all? Unless people have those 80s hairstyles with liters of hairpray where their hair is a meter high so the person behind them can't see anything, lol. But otherwise, student's hair does not concern them at all. Disgusting nonsense.
I grew up in the '80s. Never had a problem seeing around a hairdo. Be it preppy, punker, or whatever. But that or safety are the only acceptable reasons to limit hairstyles. By safety, I mean where the hairstyle itself might be a danger. Like putting a lighted candle in a top bun would be dangerous, not a victim blame someone might not like it and bully you dangerous. And if the size is too big to see around, then maybe that. But that doesn't limit the haircut, just how it is styled while at school.
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Aint this some absolute bull$h!te! Does the code say natural colors only, or the person's natural color only? Either way, it's bullcrap says the chalk white guy that had blue black in high school.
When I was in high school many moons ago (a small-town US public school), I remember kids with purple Mohawks and nobody said a word. Why is policing kids hair like this suddenly a thing?
Does the color affect her brain or not? Does it affect the way she learns her lesson or not? If it's not affecting her everyday life, don't do it. In school, we need brains and conduct. We shouldn't care about hair colors if it wasn't affecting her studies.
This is awful. Truly, they allow white kids to dye as they like but Asians can only have black hair? Clearly racist and stereotyped. She should take this school to court; absolutely unacceptable of them.
This teacher will be mad at me. I am Thai and I have naturally brown hair, with ash brown color mainly on the fringe. This is due to my mom being from northern Thailand where many people have light color skin, brown hair and some even have brown eyes.
Person of African ancestry in America. I've also violated school dress code many moons ago lol for not being "natural" but was fully natural SMH 1) having naturally brown hair 2) having curly hair that my parents didn't straighten. American school systems are notorious for trying to fit their students into the beauty standards of europeans and if you don't fit into that mold you're ostracized.
so in the US a 16 year old can keep a armamentarium but is not allowed to dye your hair
Ask them what their priority is: what's ON your daughters head, or what's IN it?
Both of my girls have light-medium brown hair with copper highlights. They are mixed white and Asian. I'd tell them to Eff themselves in Korea. If we were in America, I'd definitely be escalating it higher up the chain. The mom followed the policy, if they want they can change the dress code next year to forbid dying hair period. If they kept hassling me and my kids about it, I'd buy a nice white wig, pretend like we dyed it white, and when they through a fit, show them the beautiful Asian model that happens to be albino.
Please I'm Asian (lives in China), just because most asians have dark hair doesn't mean all, I can name almost 15 people in my class who's natural hair colour is not jet black & still are asian. That's like expecting all americans to have blonde hair🙄. this school is stupid.
The school is wrong. They're being racist. Just bring up the subject of civil rights and lawsuit and watch them squirm.
NTA: They are being very racist. Her dad could be ginger headed. Her grand parents. If it is a color found in nature it should be allowed. I would contact the local News stations and file a complaint for racism with the county.
NTA!!!! This teacher is racist AF and needs to lose her job. Since the Superintendent won't get back to you, how about you contact the media AND the ACLU? The ACLU may even provide you with an attorney to sue them. I'm so very sorry your daughter is experiencing this in this day and age.
This whole lunatic idea of “dress codes” in schools is horrific. I’m so very glad there’s nothing like that in my country, the mere though disgusts me. Adding blatant, galloping racism to that and you have a right mess on your hands. Contact everybody and release the hounds of war on their collective asśes.
Wow, when I was in Korea, someone told me about her friend who's half-korean child had reddish-brown hair (because he was half Korean) and his school wanted to make them dye it black. He was in kindergarten or grade 1!
I figured most US school dropped them because they are all geared toward girls and the school don't want to be sued.
Who are these people who have so much time on their hands that they're policing kids' hair color? The fact that the white kids in the school are dying their hair blonde and red suggests that there's a double standard here.
They're unhappy people who feel they have no control over their own lives, so they exert a ridiculous amount of control over others. Making others miserable makes them feel better. Horrible people, and they should never, ever be allowed in positions of authority.
Load More Replies... What's stupid about policing kids hair color, in general, is that it is the best time for kids to have crazy hair colors because they're kids! Depending on the career path, you can't have crazy colors as adults, so why not allow it as kids?! It's never made any sense to me. This particular incident is clearly racist though.
I had my hair or part of my hair dyed in black, red, purple, pink, orange, blue (that turned greenish pretty fast) and aslo party bleached between 15 and 19 yo, yet never had a problem at school (late 90's early 20's in France) and we didn't have the most tolerant headmaster by then ( like he tried to prevent a lesbian couple to hold hands). I stopped when my hair got sick of my experimentations ;p I'm a bit surprised by this school policy 🤔 how does your hair color change your grades?
Load More Replies... This just gave me such flash backs to a friend of mine in middle school. She had gorgeous bright bright naturally red hair and some teacher reported her for having dyed her hair an unnatural color. It turned into a huge ordeal between her parents and the school. Can you imagine having to prove your kids natural hair color to your kids school? It destroyed my friend. She held on to feeling awkward about her hair color well into Highschool. This was nearly 30 years ago so I can't believe how strongly I reacted to a post about kids and hair color. Policing hair color is just as bad as punishing kids for a visible bra strap. Seriously, wtf schools?
I heard of a similar story more recently in Korea. Girl had medium brown hair, her school kept harassing her since they had a "No-dying" policy. The mom brought in a picture of her daughter as a toddler with her natural hair color, medium brown. The principal's response - dye it black. I'm not sure what the mom decided to do. I would have refused, stating their own school policy. If they want all the students to have black hair, they can add that to the dress code next year
Load More Replies... WTF.... I am Asian, Im also Albino, I have Snow white hair, I swear if a school tried this to me they would be mostly Fed up by my aunts
She's better than me. If I was told that then me and my kid would be going in there with blue hair.
Can't black haired people have kind of a blue sheen to their hair? Or is that just bottle died black hair?
Load More Replies... I was also curious and looked it up. In the reddit post, zebramath says that in her school, the 4 C's are "crotch, crack, cleavage, and cheeks."
Load More Replies... What the f*****g f**k is this? The majority of East Asians can genetically only have one hair color. So Caucasians, who have more diversity in this regard, can pick and choose while East Asians can't? And what of Asiatic groups that have (traditional) Asian features but variations in other regards? F**k that..I'd go to the Superintendent and have them all reported.
Why on earth does a school have rules for hair at all? Unless people have those 80s hairstyles with liters of hairpray where their hair is a meter high so the person behind them can't see anything, lol. But otherwise, student's hair does not concern them at all. Disgusting nonsense.
I grew up in the '80s. Never had a problem seeing around a hairdo. Be it preppy, punker, or whatever. But that or safety are the only acceptable reasons to limit hairstyles. By safety, I mean where the hairstyle itself might be a danger. Like putting a lighted candle in a top bun would be dangerous, not a victim blame someone might not like it and bully you dangerous. And if the size is too big to see around, then maybe that. But that doesn't limit the haircut, just how it is styled while at school.
Load More Replies... Aint this some absolute bull$h!te! Does the code say natural colors only, or the person's natural color only? Either way, it's bullcrap says the chalk white guy that had blue black in high school.
When I was in high school many moons ago (a small-town US public school), I remember kids with purple Mohawks and nobody said a word. Why is policing kids hair like this suddenly a thing?
Does the color affect her brain or not? Does it affect the way she learns her lesson or not? If it's not affecting her everyday life, don't do it. In school, we need brains and conduct. We shouldn't care about hair colors if it wasn't affecting her studies.
This is awful. Truly, they allow white kids to dye as they like but Asians can only have black hair? Clearly racist and stereotyped. She should take this school to court; absolutely unacceptable of them.
This teacher will be mad at me. I am Thai and I have naturally brown hair, with ash brown color mainly on the fringe. This is due to my mom being from northern Thailand where many people have light color skin, brown hair and some even have brown eyes.
Person of African ancestry in America. I've also violated school dress code many moons ago lol for not being "natural" but was fully natural SMH 1) having naturally brown hair 2) having curly hair that my parents didn't straighten. American school systems are notorious for trying to fit their students into the beauty standards of europeans and if you don't fit into that mold you're ostracized.
so in the US a 16 year old can keep a armamentarium but is not allowed to dye your hair
Ask them what their priority is: what's ON your daughters head, or what's IN it?
Both of my girls have light-medium brown hair with copper highlights. They are mixed white and Asian. I'd tell them to Eff themselves in Korea. If we were in America, I'd definitely be escalating it higher up the chain. The mom followed the policy, if they want they can change the dress code next year to forbid dying hair period. If they kept hassling me and my kids about it, I'd buy a nice white wig, pretend like we dyed it white, and when they through a fit, show them the beautiful Asian model that happens to be albino.
Please I'm Asian (lives in China), just because most asians have dark hair doesn't mean all, I can name almost 15 people in my class who's natural hair colour is not jet black & still are asian. That's like expecting all americans to have blonde hair🙄. this school is stupid.
The school is wrong. They're being racist. Just bring up the subject of civil rights and lawsuit and watch them squirm.
NTA: They are being very racist. Her dad could be ginger headed. Her grand parents. If it is a color found in nature it should be allowed. I would contact the local News stations and file a complaint for racism with the county.
NTA!!!! This teacher is racist AF and needs to lose her job. Since the Superintendent won't get back to you, how about you contact the media AND the ACLU? The ACLU may even provide you with an attorney to sue them. I'm so very sorry your daughter is experiencing this in this day and age.
This whole lunatic idea of “dress codes” in schools is horrific. I’m so very glad there’s nothing like that in my country, the mere though disgusts me. Adding blatant, galloping racism to that and you have a right mess on your hands. Contact everybody and release the hounds of war on their collective asśes.
Wow, when I was in Korea, someone told me about her friend who's half-korean child had reddish-brown hair (because he was half Korean) and his school wanted to make them dye it black. He was in kindergarten or grade 1!
I figured most US school dropped them because they are all geared toward girls and the school don't want to be sued.
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