Guy Doesn’t Plan On Cutting His Long Hair For His Sister’s Wedding To Conform To His BIL’s Religion
People like their weddings to have a certain aesthetic and that includes not only decorations but a dress code as well. They might want their guests to follow a certain theme or color palette, but some couples go even further than that and may require people to make long-lasting changes to their appearance such as lose weight, color or cut their hair.
This man was actually asked by his sister to cut his hair short because her future husband is evangelical and long hair for men is unacceptable. The Redditor wasn’t even planning on doing that, but nobody was on his side, so he asked the internet if he should do as the bride and groom wish.
More info: Reddit
Man with long hair caused drama in the family when he got an exception to not cut his hair for his sister’s wedding
Image credits: shaniaculter (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) is from a place in Brazil where radical evangelical churches are pretty common. His older sister is getting married very soon and her future husband is evangelical. It wouldn’t be a problem in itself, but that man is very religious and likes to impose his religion on others, and OP’s family is not super religious.
The OP never got along with his future brother-in-law because they could never agree on anything in their discussions. On top of that, the sister’s fiancé would try to change him, his bisexuality, political views or lack of religion in his life.
Another thing that the sister’s fiancé wants to change about the OP is his hair. A few years ago he started growing it out and now it reaches his shoulders, but according to the future BIL’s religion, men must have short hair.
So among other rules related to the ceremony, the OP was asked to cut his hair. His sister didn’t think it should be a big deal as men don’t care about their hair. But her brother could abide by all the other rules except this one. He wasn’t planning on cutting his hair that he spent a lot of time growing.
The man’s sister is getting married to an evangelist and they never got along, but now he wants to force his belief of men having only short hair on the story poster
Image credits: u/throwaway4897577
You may think that it’s a weird rule, but it most probably came from the bible as Britannica defines the evangelical church as “any of the classical Protestant churches or their offshoots but especially, since the late 20th century, churches that stress the preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ, personal conversion experiences, Scripture as the sole basis for faith, and active evangelism (the winning of personal commitments to Christ).”
The National Association of Evangelicals also stresses the importance of taking the Bible seriously and believing in Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. The Association states 4 characteristics that define evangelicalism.
It took a few years to grow his hair out to shoulder length, so the man would rather just not go to the wedding
Image credits: u/throwaway4897577
Image credits: CarlosMDSilva (not the actual image)
The first one is conversion, “the belief that lives need to be transformed through a ‘born-again’ experience and a lifelong process of following Jesus.”
The second one is biblicism, “a high regard for and obedience to the Bible as the ultimate authority.”
Another one is activism, “the expression and demonstration of the gospel in missionary and social reform efforts.”
And the last one is crucicentrism, “a stress on the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross as making possible the redemption of humanity.”
His parents, although annoyed at his protest, asked for his sister to make him an exception as she would regret not having her brother at her wedding
Image credits: u/throwaway4897577
A Pew Research Center survey involving participants of the Third Lausanne Congress of World Evangelization revealed that the behaviors that they think make one a good Evangelical are “following the teachings of Christ in one’s personal and family life” (97 percent) and “working to lead others to Christ” (94 percent).
So the rules that an Evangelist should follow are taken from the Bible, which is problematic as it has many contradictions, it can have some translation errors, and some parts of it are so obscure that everyone can have a different interpretation.
The sister agreed, but word spread and the man’s aunt found out that he is not being asked to cut his hair and is allowed at the wedding, which made her mad
Image credits: u/throwaway4897577
Image credits: RowlandKidman (not the actual image)
Regardless of what the Bible says about men with long hair, the OP didn’t think it was right to ask him to make long-term changes to his appearance. After many fights, the OP gave an ultimatum: either he is keeping his hair or not going to the wedding. The parents had to intervene and ask their daughter to make an exception because she would regret not having such an important person at her wedding.
Although, that didn’t mean that the parents were on his side, but just thought that him not coming would be worse than him coming with his long hair. But they didn’t know what was coming next, because then OP’s aunt found out about the exception. She was mad because her two sons also have long hair and weren’t attending because of the rules.
It divided the family and some were on the OP and his aunt’s side, believing that the rules were too controlling. Also, more people refused to attend the wedding, which is now turning into a fiasco because the bride lost two bridesmaids and a ringbearer because of the rules for women.
It is because the aunt has two sons who aren’t coming to the wedding only because of their hair length
Image credits: u/throwaway4897577
Now even more people have refused to attend the wedding upon realizing how controlling the hair rule was
Image credits: u/throwaway4897577
Redditors agreed that being religious is a personal choice, but it doesn’t give those people the right to manage other people’s lives and make them be someone they’re not. In general, people deemed the request ridiculous and didn’t understand why it mattered.
What did you think of this story? Why do you think so many people were annoyed with the OP not wanting to cut his hair? Have you ever dealt with unreasonable requests for attending a wedding? Let us know in the comments.
Redditors considered the future BIL’s request ridiculous as you can’t ask people to make long-term changes to their appearance to be able to come to a wedding
I'd be very concerned about the bride. It sounds like the groom is very into laying down rules and regulations for her, and everyone else to follow. This has caused division in the family over the men's hair, and with friends/bridesmaids over the female rules. It doesn't sound like this is a meeting of equals. I'd be worried about the long term stability of such a relationship.
That is the religious aspect especially for one like this one. What the man says goes and there is no arguement.
Load More Replies...Given how "evangelical/religious" SIL's fiance is, i fear she's doomed herself to a sad and lonely life. No doubt "the deed" will be boring af missionairy and over in 5 minutes, simply to fulfill the wish for a child, and when child arrives, it's all over. she's a housewife wether she wants to be or not. Because that's what these insanely religious people are like. She'll be housebound unless its to pick kids up from school or get the groceries like a good little housewife. anyhow, OP should NOT have to cut their hair, i mean ffs, we should have learned by now that men can absolutely rock long hair, and since its not his religion, he shouldn't have to comply with its ridiculous rules. Best thing you can do is perhaps see about getting a "bald cap" for the day and then getting a toupee fitted over that. probably a stupid expense for one day, but if you value your relationship with sister and want to keep peace, might be worth it xD
My sister always called it the deed. After 30yrs she got a bf and left her husband. I think she is on drugs but that’s another long story. The sister is nuts and most likely will live a lonely boring life being verbally abused
Load More Replies...I love having long hair, my family dont like it but they dont get to decide, its my hair. Also didnt jesus have long hair and a beard so why is that a problem for the religious people?
Samson is another famous bible character with long hair. He lost his manly strength when his hair was cut.
Load More Replies...If there is an AITA post and it mentions "evangelicals" it's safe to assume that's who is the a*****e. The movement was started as a way to use religion to justify racism, sexism, and lack of support for the poor (you know, the people Jesus specifically said to minister to, but whom most evangelicals demonize as being lazy?). Their "faith" is antithetical to Christianity, but perfectly in line with being an a*****e.
I can't mash the upvote arrow any harder!!!!
Load More Replies...Sounds like a lot of people have the good sense to not let that man control them. Your sister could use some of that sense. She should take this mass exodus as a sign that maybe this guy isn't the right man to legally tie herself to. If he's this controlling before the wedding, just imagine the h*ll she will have after she is his wife.
Right! I hope she knows what she is getting into!
Load More Replies...Have none of those "religious" people not got a picture of Jesus in their home? You know, the one of the kinda white dude with a beard and LONG HAIR looking all kindly and such?
FTR, I know Jesus wasn't white, but these Evangelicals would faint if they realized it.
Load More Replies...Idk if I could imagine the females' rules, especially since she was already losing bridesmaids. Sometimes being that religious makes me feel sick, let alone hearing about people making them follow their religion. My best friend is pretty religious, it's a good part of her life and she loves it. I'm not religious. We share different views and opinions, but we always openly discuss it to hear them. I think it's a fun discussion! We're always respectful about it. I think the bride and groom should've been like that.
I imagine the bridesmaids dresses looking like burkhas, covering shoulder to ankles to not "look tempting" in ugly colour And no drinking, looking always perfect, no running, singing, laughing, and I BET they had to be virgins
Load More Replies...I grew up in a strict Nazarene church. There are numerous scriptures about keeping long hair. Remember Sampson? He cut his hair and it went all bad. Just start calling your BiL 'Delilah' and see if the self righteous jerk gets it.
You can make whatever rules you want for your wedding. You can't expect others to simply agree and attend.
Wtf is it with all these stories about people asking their guests to change their appearance for their precious weddings? You either accept people as they are or leave them out of it. And don't even get me started on the religious b******t...
My sister had to undergo an interview by the Mormon church in order to attend her friends wedding. Things like do you smoke, do you drink liquor, have you ever watched p*** movies? My sister answered No to all the questions even though she smoked and drank from time to time. When she told me this, I responded with..."So the Mormon church isn't advocating purity as much as it's encouraging people to lie in order to get through the door." She laughed. I abhor religions with extreme restrictions that try to impose those restrictions on non-believers. You stay on your lane, I will stay in mine....
Those restrictions aren't really restrictions, more like guidelines. Some usually to show what's best for the body, like no alcohol or smoking. Both are bad for the body, but that doesn't usually say a lot for everyone. I'm not trying to push what I know being LDS, just trying to hopefully show some insight. I will say, it hasn't been the greatest being one since there are douchebags throughout the whole thing. For some, which has been very few lately, like myself, I don't care if someone's religious, drinks, smokes, heck even having sex before marriage, etc. Sorry if I seem pushy, I don't really mean so.
Load More Replies...OP, I'm glad you didn't cut your hair. Your future BIL is toxic, controlling, manipulative and micro managing. He will mentally and emotionally abuse her. Your sister is headed into an abusive mariage. He will become a wedge against her family. He definitely is not Christ like. Jesus never treated others like he is treating them. I wish your sister would walk away. Look at how he has already torn the family apart, this is all on him. He is sitting back smiling at the presumed power he has. I wish your family the best mending fences sn saving relationships. Don't let this man ruin your family.
Imo, the parents escalated it. He was perfectly fine with not going, the parents made a big deal out of it without asking or permission. Also imo, I wouldn't go purely because fiance is anti-lgbtq+
Now he can’t go anyway so it started for no reason.
Load More Replies...I continue to be amazed by the personal desires that people are willing to identify as religious requirements. The groom is comfortable to demand others live as he commands, which I find appalling. If he is slathering his agenda on everyone in this way now, I believe he will increase the fanaticism as time goes on. The more he succeeds, the more he imagines. The bride should ditch him before she is wearing a burka as the women in another location are now required to wear by their insecure men.
I would absolutely refuse to go on principle, but I just love the idea of the bald cap. Add some outrageous makeup, maybe a spangly onesie. Anything that doesn't technically contravene their rules but is as outré as possible
This reminds me of how I used to get "in trouble" at the Christian college in attended around the year 2000 because I would forget to take out my very small nose piercing.
Reminds me of BYU. My mom attended after high school. Was more about music than religion at the time. The rules were insane. Men couldn't have long hair or facial hair. Honestly, it's just bull considering Jesus had long hair. Heck pretty much everyone in the scriptures had long hair, never really as short as it is today. Edit: Some words decided to be autocorrected, so got it fixed.
Load More Replies...Where, oh where, in the Bible does it say you can't have long hair? Tell me! And look at any religious painting. It shows (accurately) Jesus, Moses, the Apostles, and practically every adult male in Scripture with long hair and a beard. Even God the Father is traditionally depicted by Christians that way. This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with control. They are not demanding that you bow down before their God. They are demanding that you bow down before them. Tell them that God ordered you to say No.
Yea in a case like this i would not just attend, i remember back in 2002 i took a firefighter course, and One of the 1st things our day officer Said was " from now on, short Hair and clean shaven men, the women have to have their hair in a pony tail or bun. Oh and don't come to me with " Im a volunteer i don't have to do that " because you chose to be here, and you Will conform with this " house " rules. Now that was a choice I made, something like this lol, i would just tell them i'l not attend, Im an atheist ( actually agnostic, same c**p basically ) and i don't give a flying f**k about you Christian fiance thinks or believes.
There is a very good reason for 'clean shaven' - to ensure the breathing masks fit correctly. There is no good reason for men to cut their hair if women do not have to. Men can just as easily tie it back, or put it in a bun. There's no safety requirements there.
Load More Replies...I had a girlfriend that married a guy like this. I was against it from the get go, but she was hell bent on getting married to this loser. They lived in Reno, I live in LA. When we were in the church I still tried to talk her out of it. I had a fistful of cash and credit cards, I could take her anywhere she wants to go. Nope. She married the guy and it didn't take long for it to fall apart. I helped her out there as he took her for every penny she had. So much for religion. Just because someone goes to church and is a bible thumper doesn't mean they are not slime balls. And why I am not a fan of organized religion. It's a business like any other but qualify as non profit. This poor woman will lead a heartbreaking life full of rules and duties that have nothing to do with religion and only her husband's narcissistic demands. She obviously has self worth issues as no one in their right mind would allow someone have that much say in your life. She needs therapy.
Amen to this comment. Have very recently ran into this type of situation myself. Wasn't involving a wedding but the concept of forcing a group of beliefs on someone will not end well.
Load More Replies...Wow. Sister sounds like a cünt, and the BIL sounds worse. Why would OP even want to go to that crappy wedding? I’d get as far as possible from the ceremony and anyone who went to it. 😬
one of the comments reminded me of a story of my friend's brother. he had longer hair, almost up to his shoulders and a teacher wanted to speak to his parents because of it ( some old school teacher still caught up in communist rules about how boys should have short hair). the teacher callled the parents and asked for a meeting. the dad came to school and asked the teacher what is it she wanted to discuss. she looked at him and said something like: there is nothing to discuss anymore. the dad's hair was even longer than his son's going half way down his back 🤷🤣
Now that is a home run🤣🤣🤣. Shut that teacher right down and hopefully redirected how that teacher operates in any type of a situation like that.
Load More Replies...Anyone else troubled that OP couldn't spell and is a school teacher? Or is that just me?
He's Brazilian ergo Portuguese is most likely his first language. You criticize his English but it seems you have a problem with comprehension. Do you speak a second language or even more. Guess not
Load More Replies...If you can grow long hair in a day, then it's completely reasonable to ask someone to cut it for a day. Dripping sarcasm here. Not going to a wedding is one thing but people cutting contact over it, that's a lot.
When did wedding rules become a thing? This seems to come up a lot on Reddit. When I got married, it never occurred to me to tell people what to wear or how to style their hair. We just wanted to get married and have our loved ones there to celebrate. The aesthetics weren't important.
Right!!! This seems to be a modern phenomenon. The first wedding I ever went to was in 1997, and I was 16. No rules, no one expected gifts, all that was expected was to return the RSVP with the meal you wanted checked off and how many were coming so they could buy the right amount of food. It was also the only Catholic wedding I attended (yet), but again, no rules, no one made to partake in mass or confession. We all had a good time, the food was good, and I got to connect with relatives I hadn't met yet or hadn't seen since I was a child. Fast forward 20 years and I get weird invites asking to Venmo cash, buy plane tickets and accommodations for destination weddings, etc. It's gotten out of hand IMO. My wedding was short and sweet, moms made or bought the food and DJ. Cost about 1500 bucks, back in 2011. I had no rules other than a heads up that there would be drinking so bring youg'uns at your discretion. Not banned. Just cautioning it was expected to be "R" rated.
Load More Replies...I hope you do NOT cut your hair, I can't believe the BIL is saying his beliefs you need to cut your hair. Every picture of Jesus Christ I've seen he has facial hair and long hair. So how can he state it is religious.?? Christ had long hair.
I hope the bride mentioned reads these comments! She is in for a lifetime of mental torture being married to that douche. I'm sure she hasn't read the fine print for the rules the women of his religion are to follow. Which I can promise there are a multitude of. From her clothes and hair to the amount of time that will be spent inside the church walls, not to mention the rules for how she conducts herself from day to day. Evangelical churches are the cults of the religious world. I've seen it and was forced to live it. It's a living hell for those that aren't born in to it. She'll be spending well over half of her time with things pertaining to church duties leaving very little time for anything else. Those churches mentally torture women to a criminal degree. She'll never truly be happy ever again with that guy. I hope she calls the wedding off before it's too late.
If the rules for men are that strict, I'm almost afraid to ask what they require from the women.
Especially if two bridesmaids and the ring barer dropped out. Probably no skin showing, hair up in a certain style, no make up.
Load More Replies...NTA fyi Jesus had long hair and beard which was the custom in those days. You bil is the ah here you don't have a right to force your opinions on believe on others, the fact the bride has lost some of the others in her wedding due to this should be a big red flag as to what is to come, super controller husband I would advise her to run while she can it's only going to get worse he will soon be punishing her and abusing her for stuff he doesn't like because she didn't obey him. Seen this before.
This wedding is going to be a mess. The marriage will not last long with a control freak like that because it usually doesn't go well for very long and a few times someone ended up on the ground and the other in prison.
Load More Replies...If the groom worries that much for HAIR, I'm worried about the bride... unless she's the quiet/submissive type, she will have a horrible life with a person like that...
Ugh.... Jesus had long hair AND a beard. This isn't about a real religion, it's about absolute control. Sis should walk away before he uses the bible as an excuse to start beating her.
Don't change. Your BIL knew your beliefs while he was dating your sister. I'm an atheist who follows Buddha's teachings. My southern Baptist MIL only cared that she could see these grandsons and show them off. I loved and still love her. Two moms I miss everyday.
If the groom was truly a Godly person, he would believe and practice " Judge ye not lest ye be judged". Do not cut your hair but attend the wedding. One day your sister will realize how controlling the groom's demand was.
There is nowhere in the Bible that says men should have short hair. Most men in Biblical times had longer hair. It does however, say in the Old Testament that men are not to "cut their hair at the temples" like the Romans at the time who cut their hair short.
Where in the Bible does it say men can't have long hair? This is a man-made rule. It's ridiculous to expect others to follow the rules of your church. I'm pretty sure God doesn't care about anyone's hair. This is a huge red flag that the bride refuses to see. This guy will be in control of every aspect of their lives.
Just tell the groom "its against MY religion to cut my hair. You have two choices. Either I'm there as I am, clean and styled but as myself OR I don't show up. Your choice. But I WILL NOT conform to a religion that isn't my own. Sorry bud.
She is going to find herself very alone, her friends are going to drop like flies. Her fiance is isolating her in order to control her. Life isnt going to get better. Probably turn abusive. Its really sad.
Am I the only one who would secretly want to hire ZZTop as the wedding band? As my wedding gift for the bride and groom.
NTA, who are all these entitled people turning their weddings into a soap opera? "Formal, semi-formal, dressy, casual ". These are pretty much the only "rules" hosts get to dictate.
The groom will all ways find some thing to pick on and say it's due to his religion. Nip it in the bud now or there will be an argument before every family gathering. Just wait until they have children
This is pretty much exhibit A on how the evangelical church let their values shift from love and service to power and control. If I saw these rules, I would know they are much more interested in the minutae of my life and telling me what to do than in loving their neighbors or sharing all they have w/ the poor. As the adage goes, absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Jesus had long hair, and a beard. Nobody, aside from the military or maybe a boss, has the right to tell another person how to wear their hair. I'd also grow a long beard just because!
Does your sister understand this isnt about your hair? Its about her future husband ruling every aspect of her life under the heading ' my religious beliefs'
Ok but Jesus has long hair and was bearded right? So. If Jesus came from heaven to attend the wedding I had to stay out?
I don't know if anyone mentioned it, but Jesus had long hair. The people who call themselves followers of Christ often do not seem to be. I don't think Jesus would be welcomed, with his long hair and "be nice to others" approach, in today's megachurches.
You know what happened to Sampson when his hair got cut.......so take me as I am, or have nothing at alllllllllllllllll
Nowhere in the bible does it say men can't have long hair. Also, your fake god and made up religion are not entitled to a say in how other people live their lives. Stop using your cult as an excuse to treat people badly.
I guess the soon to be BIL hasn't actually read the Bible but had it spoon fed to him by church leaders. Either that or he's one of those ego driven men who thinks he can read a tome translated several times from the original and understand it without input or guidance from Bibljcal experts. I find these twits' ideas amusing but increasingly dangerous. Jesus turned water into wine for a wedding. Jesus blessed and drank wine as part of a celebration. He would have consumed wine during the blessing at dinner time on Shabbos, at Passover, Purim, etc. Jesus had no problem with the social consumption of wine. This guy is a control freak who is using his version of religion to make himself the diety your sister will obey and worship. Is your sister that desperate to get married? Try to let your sister know you will always support her no matter what. She's going to need safe places to escape this loony tune if and when she comes to her senses.
I thought evangelicals are supposed to take the bible literally in all things? Did they miss the parts about love thy neighbor, and the part where only God can judge? I don't think God would want families divided over such trivial matters. This man sounds like a control freak not a Christian. I'm no historian but every single image I've seen of Jesus he has long hair smh
I would really like to know rules for women that had 2 bridesmaid not atrend? So I guess the sister is changing religion? This is ridiculous to ask people to change, did this also mean can't attend reception?
Whoever wrote this article made unnecessary criticisms of the Bible such as "it contradicts itself" without tying that claim to the actual topic. it also implies the BIL's insistence on strict rules for attendees is a natural result of him believing in the Bible rather than an anomaly or at least an example of one extreme group claiming to follow the Bible. The writer is correct that people interpret the Bible differently and that Christians value sharing and yes trying to convert people. What the writer did not mention is there are many passages that would suggest the BIL's requirements are not loving or a good example to the family henhopes to join and maybe convert, I am in the American south wyich is known as "the Bible belt" and I have never heard of a wedding as restrictive as this one apparently is. This is more a result of one person's super conservative beliefs combined with a need to control others than it is an example of what happens when you become a Christian.
My family is Roman Catholic. When I started working, I went to church less and less. My father used to be the only one of my parents working, things happened and my mom ended up working as well, so they both started going less and less. My oldest and youngest brothers both had a child out of wedlock. We all still have our faith, we have just evolved our minds to realize that life happens. As long as we follow the core values and treat others how we would want to be treated, everything else will be fine in the end.
NTA, what he BIL and sister do should be behind closed doors not flung open into someone's face. Stick to your guns and recover from covid, I hope you didn't get too sick and are better now.
People get so darned crazy when it comes to weddings, both the couple and the guests. A wedding is a religious ritual, and the only rules applicable are whatever the particular church says. People who don't like the rules can choose not to go, and couples who are upset their friends aren't attending should learn a valuable life lesson from that. The *wedding reception* is a celebration you invite guests to. The hosts (the couple) don't get to dictate how guests look, what clothing they wear, their hairstyle, anything. You don't ask people to a dinner party at your house and demand they shave off their beard or wear blue clothes or whatever. This is no different. If the couple can't understand that, they need to learn the same life lesson as above.
NTA...You're not even in the wedding party!!! You should have to change who you are or your hair that you've been growing for FOUR year for something that barely lasts ONE day....especially for a marriage that, hopefully when his sister wises up, probably won't even last 3 years...at best.
My only worry here is that I hope the OP isn't a teacher in the US. His spelling and grammar are atrocious. LOL! As for the wedding, I'm a Christian, and my relationship with Jesus is my own, and no-one else's. It's not for me to tell anyone what they must or mustn't do. If they ask me for my opinion, they'll get it, but not before. And long hair is really only commented on in the old testament, for Jewish men, and that a couple of millennia ago. As for the pictures of Jesus, they were from the renaissance, when Italian men wore long hair. No-one knows whether our Lord's hair was long or short, so it's a moot point. It's terribly sad that this issue is breaking apart a family, so I would suggest that fiance's church is more a cult than a Christian church. Jesus would be pretty cheesed off at them, I think.
Just one more example of why I left the church. No one has the right to tell you what you can and cannot do with your own body (are you listening Marjorie Taylor Greene, the entire US Supreme Court?). Sister is in for a life of servitude to this misogynistic, self righteous, self centered moron. There are over 5,000 recognized "religions" on the planet & I can GUARANTEE, yours is not "THE ONE".
IMO, the desires of the wedding couple in a wedding are predominant. They're quite free to set any requirements that are important to them. And every attendee is free to say, "that's not for me, I'm not coming". The attendees shouldn't decide to not follow the rules or be entitled enough to ask for an exception, and the couple can't force the attendees to do something they don't want to do. Here, OP has calmly declined to attend, but the couple is demanding that he change, then giving him an exception. Neither is acceptable. If (by the couple's logic) what OP is doing is wrong, there shouldn't be an exception. If it's important enough that he gets an exception, then they should just throw out the rule in the first place. By their actions, they're being (1) controlling, and (2) hypocrites. And the fact that their "rules" are causing people to decline to come should be a signal of that - and that the bride is going to be controlled, too.
Your wedding, your rules. The bride clearly believes this, is willing to disinvite her brother and lose two bridesmaids and a ringbearer over it. Likewise, if the OP ever marries she will be happy to follow his rule of all women shaving their heads and chanting “**** JESUS!” as they walk in. Your wedding, your rules.
Christ and all the apostles had long hair. And beards. If it’s not verbatim in the NT then it’s nonsense and someone trying to be holier than thou
I'm super curious about the rules for the women if she (or he through her) had driven off 2 bridesmaids and a ring bearer. Drama drama drama
Last I checked , I was raised that Jesus had long hair and a beard. 🤔🤨 They have paintings and statues that show the same. I guess if he was invited, they would expect him to clean up as well.
The thing is... I'm a seminary trained pastor with over 30 years of experience. There is no biblical requirement for men to have short hair. As a matter of fact there were several followers of God in the bible who where explicitly known for having long hair... Jesus first among them.
Yeah, nothing about long hair in bible though vanity is bad. This story is BS anyway.
Imo, the more important fear here is OP's sister. She is in love now, but what's in store for her down the road with a highly controlling husband with the support of his church behind his edicts. I am an evangelical Christian and I teach Bible classes. Nowhere in scripture do these crazy rules exist. When interpreted correctly, the Bible supports diversity, individuality, and broad viewpoints. OP setting boundaries now is correct. But the bride should be doing the same. Well maybe not. What she should really do is run from this guy and this brand of errant Christianity.
I've had a beard for a long time. I last shaved in 1983. If anyone told me I had to shave to conform to their version of religion, I would decline the request.
I would like to know if the groom and the church he goes to are all blind people. Because every picture I have ever seen of Jesus. He did not have a fade. Looked like his hair is past his shoulders, thick as wool. Correct me if I am wrong.
Apparently prospective BIL hasn't seen pictures of Jesus. HE didn't have short hair and had facial hair to boot. At least in most pictures I've ever seen. Granted they aren't actual pictures, but that's the way Christ is always portrayed.
This is also supported by the discovery of The Shroud of Turin whis shows the outline of Jesus as he was when they wrapped him in this cloth before placing him in the tomb. Watched a Discovery Channel documentary on this many years ago
Load More Replies...Jesus would have certainly had a beard, and there's a very good chance his hair would have been long. So this isn't about religion, it's about control
I grew up in church. I never understood why some denominations say that long hair or beard or both on men are wrong. Pretty sure Jesus had a beard and long hair.
it's against the grooms beliefs, not HIS. no one else gets a say in how he has his hair.
Stay true to yourself. Their religious rules don't apply to you
Wish I’d seen this on Reddit. I do know the Bible fairly well. There is no commandment about hair but there is one about co**s saying you don’t need to cut THAT to be a Christian so hair should be safe not to cut 😊 it does comment that a woman’s hair is her crown of glory but it doesn’t say a word about length requirements. I understand that is the culture with that group of worshippers but BIL would be doing it to please man and not God and so the groom should understand that it won’t do OP “any good”. I’m sorry OP has Covid feel better!
Does the groom know that Jesus had long hair and many of his followers? The brides brother is not the issue here. The issue here is the groom and his desire to have his religious beliefs imposed on others. Some religious people have to remember that tou are to respect all people. When forcing one to cut one's hair is an act of control and yhis behavior is unacceptable.
All this drama over hair. Since the brides brother is of a different religion he shouldn’t have to be pressured to cut his hair. If the future BIL is this adamant I feel sorry for his soon to be wife. Whatever he says goes. I think she will have a miserable life as she will probably have no say so in what goes on. Just saying.
I made the account just so I can comment on this one. NTA! To some people I'm conservative, to my family... I'm very liberal. Yet even I say your sister needs to break this relationship now before it's too late. I know that doesn't mean much, but I've seen a lot having a pastor as a dad. These relationships are horrible and toxic to everyone. And... My dad, an evangelical pastor and one of the most conservative people I know, doesn't require men or women to have rules for weddings (other than both genders keep your privates covered). In saying that... Your soon to be BIL has a view. Plead with your sister. She has a hard, lonely path ahead.
People really need to just relax, before COVID hit, I used to go to open skates at one of my ice arenas and there was this really cool guy, really good skater too, that always had his hair braided. The braid went to about his knees last time I saw him. What a person's hair length says nothing about their personality
Look at the typical christian visual representation of Christ. Long hair, beard, sandals and robes. So where in the issue?
The Bible does say that God doesn't want men to have long hair. But he does not force us. And this evangelical is not acting out of love But it out of the flesh. Shalom
As a Catholic I really don't understand the huge differences in the branches. Like Samson had long hair, so did Jesus??? Some men don't cut their hair for religious purposes. Some do. While others have zero restraints on cutting hair. I know the lines are from Paul's letters because he thought was gayish . But Paul letters also talk about beating children and wife's obligation towards intercourse. He also was stranded and alone shipwrecked 3 times, imprisoned for 2 yrs isolated with untreated epilepsy. They were letters of hatred . He took a lot personal beliefs into those letters of interpretation. Many like stoning children which we realized is morally wrong. So I was always taught his letters were or more less commentary while scriptures was events, places, people.Human judgement is imperfect, flawed bias.So in religious debate enforcing someone to cut their hair because your interptation is different is beyond imposing.its say your version of religion should be encore to everyone's
Recovering Catholic here. Glad to find another who's not a fan of Paul.
Load More Replies...I'm a bit sorry for the bride, but u don't know if the rules were partly her idea. I myself get a lot of negative experience because of my hair etc., I know how that feels
I would be very concerned for the future of this relationship. Sooner or later the bride will find these restrictions and rules to be too controlling and she will want out. Walk away before it is too late.
This is one of the many reasons that I don't tolerate conventional and wild rules in religion. I believe everyone has a right to believe what they choose but they have no right to tell others how to believe. I have my own beliefs and I don't tell others what to believe.
This hole thing is pretty weird. Wouldn't be surprised if you just fased them out of your life and concentrated on your job as a school teacher. Those kids need to be ejukated.
Boy, are they not going to be happy when/if their hippy socialist Savior returns on Judgement Day.
Tue man is tue head of tue wife, nothing is wrong with his long hair, I wouldn't be trying to complain about it. He marrying the woman who he chose. Family can be sooo messy!
Supposedly even Jesus had long hair. And depictions of God show him with long hair as well. Just saying for a friend because I'm an atheist and know nothing about such things.
I find it curious how many religions are obsessed with hair and head covering, but can't come to agreement with what God says about this.
All religions are nonsense and effing Christians and muslims are the worst. Its just an excuse to try and control people. I was raised Mennonite and escaped when I was old enough to realize its all BS.
If the rules for men were that strict, I'm almost afraid to ask what they required from the women.
Tem uma galera evangélica enveredando por um caminho obscuro e bem perturbador, eles agem levantando uma bandeira de boas intenções, mas o que sobra das ações deles é gente destruída e vidas arruinadas, não há nada de bom nisso, e ninguém tem que ser conivente com violência psicológica e comportamento abusivo disfarçado de boas intenções.
I believe the OP is right! I would not cut my hair for a wedding but I'm the type that use the electric razor at 0! I would not cut my hair and at one point it was longer then his! Many many great and respectful men at one time had long hair! Like Jesus Christ!!!!!! Why being up your woke feeling on this and arguments that you don't agree on? Trying to get people on your said by talking about gays and other woke stuff? It's easy your hair your right to say what you want done with it! Sister and new husband don't like it then don't go!!!!!! Easy as that! They have to respect you and your feelings and what you want why should you not give them the same? Don't go if that's an issue! Let family know you would like to go but can't because of your hair! Family that love you will be on your side! Yet it's there wedding it's there day! Not yours want to be apart of it tell them how you feel don't cry to the internet! Lame
What the actual hell was ANY of that? Did all 23 of your personalities try to come out at the same time as you were writing? Because that's seriously what it reads like.
Load More Replies...I don't care what he does with his hair, but if he typed this little disquisition, I'd be really concerned about the fact that he's a teacher who can't spell the most basic words, nor can he string a sentence together in some places. I'm curious as to what he actually teaches.
English may not be his first language. Besides, I know some English teachers, that have English as their first language, that don't know how to spell the most basic words.
Load More Replies...What a crock of c**p this story is. M@ 28 has terrible spelling skills. Ok if he's a farmer or welder by trade, BUT this nut job is going to be a teacher? (panel #4) NOT real to have so many spelling errors. I can NOT take this story as anywhere near true on so many levels. People in his family who 'sport' long hair, to the 1 week before wedding that he asks for 'help' just not real!!!!
OP is from Brazil (because America's not the *only* country on earth), so probably speaks Portuguese and has English as his second language, but sure, go off, I guess.
Load More Replies...Ok I'm gonna nitpick on grammar. The Op uses the phrase " the hole thing" several times. It should be "the whole thing" normally it doesn't bother me but he uses the phrase so often that it became distracting.
It's just his hair that he doesn't want to cut just for a wedding. That's not even his!
Load More Replies...I'd be very concerned about the bride. It sounds like the groom is very into laying down rules and regulations for her, and everyone else to follow. This has caused division in the family over the men's hair, and with friends/bridesmaids over the female rules. It doesn't sound like this is a meeting of equals. I'd be worried about the long term stability of such a relationship.
That is the religious aspect especially for one like this one. What the man says goes and there is no arguement.
Load More Replies...Given how "evangelical/religious" SIL's fiance is, i fear she's doomed herself to a sad and lonely life. No doubt "the deed" will be boring af missionairy and over in 5 minutes, simply to fulfill the wish for a child, and when child arrives, it's all over. she's a housewife wether she wants to be or not. Because that's what these insanely religious people are like. She'll be housebound unless its to pick kids up from school or get the groceries like a good little housewife. anyhow, OP should NOT have to cut their hair, i mean ffs, we should have learned by now that men can absolutely rock long hair, and since its not his religion, he shouldn't have to comply with its ridiculous rules. Best thing you can do is perhaps see about getting a "bald cap" for the day and then getting a toupee fitted over that. probably a stupid expense for one day, but if you value your relationship with sister and want to keep peace, might be worth it xD
My sister always called it the deed. After 30yrs she got a bf and left her husband. I think she is on drugs but that’s another long story. The sister is nuts and most likely will live a lonely boring life being verbally abused
Load More Replies...I love having long hair, my family dont like it but they dont get to decide, its my hair. Also didnt jesus have long hair and a beard so why is that a problem for the religious people?
Samson is another famous bible character with long hair. He lost his manly strength when his hair was cut.
Load More Replies...If there is an AITA post and it mentions "evangelicals" it's safe to assume that's who is the a*****e. The movement was started as a way to use religion to justify racism, sexism, and lack of support for the poor (you know, the people Jesus specifically said to minister to, but whom most evangelicals demonize as being lazy?). Their "faith" is antithetical to Christianity, but perfectly in line with being an a*****e.
I can't mash the upvote arrow any harder!!!!
Load More Replies...Sounds like a lot of people have the good sense to not let that man control them. Your sister could use some of that sense. She should take this mass exodus as a sign that maybe this guy isn't the right man to legally tie herself to. If he's this controlling before the wedding, just imagine the h*ll she will have after she is his wife.
Right! I hope she knows what she is getting into!
Load More Replies...Have none of those "religious" people not got a picture of Jesus in their home? You know, the one of the kinda white dude with a beard and LONG HAIR looking all kindly and such?
FTR, I know Jesus wasn't white, but these Evangelicals would faint if they realized it.
Load More Replies...Idk if I could imagine the females' rules, especially since she was already losing bridesmaids. Sometimes being that religious makes me feel sick, let alone hearing about people making them follow their religion. My best friend is pretty religious, it's a good part of her life and she loves it. I'm not religious. We share different views and opinions, but we always openly discuss it to hear them. I think it's a fun discussion! We're always respectful about it. I think the bride and groom should've been like that.
I imagine the bridesmaids dresses looking like burkhas, covering shoulder to ankles to not "look tempting" in ugly colour And no drinking, looking always perfect, no running, singing, laughing, and I BET they had to be virgins
Load More Replies...I grew up in a strict Nazarene church. There are numerous scriptures about keeping long hair. Remember Sampson? He cut his hair and it went all bad. Just start calling your BiL 'Delilah' and see if the self righteous jerk gets it.
You can make whatever rules you want for your wedding. You can't expect others to simply agree and attend.
Wtf is it with all these stories about people asking their guests to change their appearance for their precious weddings? You either accept people as they are or leave them out of it. And don't even get me started on the religious b******t...
My sister had to undergo an interview by the Mormon church in order to attend her friends wedding. Things like do you smoke, do you drink liquor, have you ever watched p*** movies? My sister answered No to all the questions even though she smoked and drank from time to time. When she told me this, I responded with..."So the Mormon church isn't advocating purity as much as it's encouraging people to lie in order to get through the door." She laughed. I abhor religions with extreme restrictions that try to impose those restrictions on non-believers. You stay on your lane, I will stay in mine....
Those restrictions aren't really restrictions, more like guidelines. Some usually to show what's best for the body, like no alcohol or smoking. Both are bad for the body, but that doesn't usually say a lot for everyone. I'm not trying to push what I know being LDS, just trying to hopefully show some insight. I will say, it hasn't been the greatest being one since there are douchebags throughout the whole thing. For some, which has been very few lately, like myself, I don't care if someone's religious, drinks, smokes, heck even having sex before marriage, etc. Sorry if I seem pushy, I don't really mean so.
Load More Replies...OP, I'm glad you didn't cut your hair. Your future BIL is toxic, controlling, manipulative and micro managing. He will mentally and emotionally abuse her. Your sister is headed into an abusive mariage. He will become a wedge against her family. He definitely is not Christ like. Jesus never treated others like he is treating them. I wish your sister would walk away. Look at how he has already torn the family apart, this is all on him. He is sitting back smiling at the presumed power he has. I wish your family the best mending fences sn saving relationships. Don't let this man ruin your family.
Imo, the parents escalated it. He was perfectly fine with not going, the parents made a big deal out of it without asking or permission. Also imo, I wouldn't go purely because fiance is anti-lgbtq+
Now he can’t go anyway so it started for no reason.
Load More Replies...I continue to be amazed by the personal desires that people are willing to identify as religious requirements. The groom is comfortable to demand others live as he commands, which I find appalling. If he is slathering his agenda on everyone in this way now, I believe he will increase the fanaticism as time goes on. The more he succeeds, the more he imagines. The bride should ditch him before she is wearing a burka as the women in another location are now required to wear by their insecure men.
I would absolutely refuse to go on principle, but I just love the idea of the bald cap. Add some outrageous makeup, maybe a spangly onesie. Anything that doesn't technically contravene their rules but is as outré as possible
This reminds me of how I used to get "in trouble" at the Christian college in attended around the year 2000 because I would forget to take out my very small nose piercing.
Reminds me of BYU. My mom attended after high school. Was more about music than religion at the time. The rules were insane. Men couldn't have long hair or facial hair. Honestly, it's just bull considering Jesus had long hair. Heck pretty much everyone in the scriptures had long hair, never really as short as it is today. Edit: Some words decided to be autocorrected, so got it fixed.
Load More Replies...Where, oh where, in the Bible does it say you can't have long hair? Tell me! And look at any religious painting. It shows (accurately) Jesus, Moses, the Apostles, and practically every adult male in Scripture with long hair and a beard. Even God the Father is traditionally depicted by Christians that way. This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with control. They are not demanding that you bow down before their God. They are demanding that you bow down before them. Tell them that God ordered you to say No.
Yea in a case like this i would not just attend, i remember back in 2002 i took a firefighter course, and One of the 1st things our day officer Said was " from now on, short Hair and clean shaven men, the women have to have their hair in a pony tail or bun. Oh and don't come to me with " Im a volunteer i don't have to do that " because you chose to be here, and you Will conform with this " house " rules. Now that was a choice I made, something like this lol, i would just tell them i'l not attend, Im an atheist ( actually agnostic, same c**p basically ) and i don't give a flying f**k about you Christian fiance thinks or believes.
There is a very good reason for 'clean shaven' - to ensure the breathing masks fit correctly. There is no good reason for men to cut their hair if women do not have to. Men can just as easily tie it back, or put it in a bun. There's no safety requirements there.
Load More Replies...I had a girlfriend that married a guy like this. I was against it from the get go, but she was hell bent on getting married to this loser. They lived in Reno, I live in LA. When we were in the church I still tried to talk her out of it. I had a fistful of cash and credit cards, I could take her anywhere she wants to go. Nope. She married the guy and it didn't take long for it to fall apart. I helped her out there as he took her for every penny she had. So much for religion. Just because someone goes to church and is a bible thumper doesn't mean they are not slime balls. And why I am not a fan of organized religion. It's a business like any other but qualify as non profit. This poor woman will lead a heartbreaking life full of rules and duties that have nothing to do with religion and only her husband's narcissistic demands. She obviously has self worth issues as no one in their right mind would allow someone have that much say in your life. She needs therapy.
Amen to this comment. Have very recently ran into this type of situation myself. Wasn't involving a wedding but the concept of forcing a group of beliefs on someone will not end well.
Load More Replies...Wow. Sister sounds like a cünt, and the BIL sounds worse. Why would OP even want to go to that crappy wedding? I’d get as far as possible from the ceremony and anyone who went to it. 😬
one of the comments reminded me of a story of my friend's brother. he had longer hair, almost up to his shoulders and a teacher wanted to speak to his parents because of it ( some old school teacher still caught up in communist rules about how boys should have short hair). the teacher callled the parents and asked for a meeting. the dad came to school and asked the teacher what is it she wanted to discuss. she looked at him and said something like: there is nothing to discuss anymore. the dad's hair was even longer than his son's going half way down his back 🤷🤣
Now that is a home run🤣🤣🤣. Shut that teacher right down and hopefully redirected how that teacher operates in any type of a situation like that.
Load More Replies...Anyone else troubled that OP couldn't spell and is a school teacher? Or is that just me?
He's Brazilian ergo Portuguese is most likely his first language. You criticize his English but it seems you have a problem with comprehension. Do you speak a second language or even more. Guess not
Load More Replies...If you can grow long hair in a day, then it's completely reasonable to ask someone to cut it for a day. Dripping sarcasm here. Not going to a wedding is one thing but people cutting contact over it, that's a lot.
When did wedding rules become a thing? This seems to come up a lot on Reddit. When I got married, it never occurred to me to tell people what to wear or how to style their hair. We just wanted to get married and have our loved ones there to celebrate. The aesthetics weren't important.
Right!!! This seems to be a modern phenomenon. The first wedding I ever went to was in 1997, and I was 16. No rules, no one expected gifts, all that was expected was to return the RSVP with the meal you wanted checked off and how many were coming so they could buy the right amount of food. It was also the only Catholic wedding I attended (yet), but again, no rules, no one made to partake in mass or confession. We all had a good time, the food was good, and I got to connect with relatives I hadn't met yet or hadn't seen since I was a child. Fast forward 20 years and I get weird invites asking to Venmo cash, buy plane tickets and accommodations for destination weddings, etc. It's gotten out of hand IMO. My wedding was short and sweet, moms made or bought the food and DJ. Cost about 1500 bucks, back in 2011. I had no rules other than a heads up that there would be drinking so bring youg'uns at your discretion. Not banned. Just cautioning it was expected to be "R" rated.
Load More Replies...I hope you do NOT cut your hair, I can't believe the BIL is saying his beliefs you need to cut your hair. Every picture of Jesus Christ I've seen he has facial hair and long hair. So how can he state it is religious.?? Christ had long hair.
I hope the bride mentioned reads these comments! She is in for a lifetime of mental torture being married to that douche. I'm sure she hasn't read the fine print for the rules the women of his religion are to follow. Which I can promise there are a multitude of. From her clothes and hair to the amount of time that will be spent inside the church walls, not to mention the rules for how she conducts herself from day to day. Evangelical churches are the cults of the religious world. I've seen it and was forced to live it. It's a living hell for those that aren't born in to it. She'll be spending well over half of her time with things pertaining to church duties leaving very little time for anything else. Those churches mentally torture women to a criminal degree. She'll never truly be happy ever again with that guy. I hope she calls the wedding off before it's too late.
If the rules for men are that strict, I'm almost afraid to ask what they require from the women.
Especially if two bridesmaids and the ring barer dropped out. Probably no skin showing, hair up in a certain style, no make up.
Load More Replies...NTA fyi Jesus had long hair and beard which was the custom in those days. You bil is the ah here you don't have a right to force your opinions on believe on others, the fact the bride has lost some of the others in her wedding due to this should be a big red flag as to what is to come, super controller husband I would advise her to run while she can it's only going to get worse he will soon be punishing her and abusing her for stuff he doesn't like because she didn't obey him. Seen this before.
This wedding is going to be a mess. The marriage will not last long with a control freak like that because it usually doesn't go well for very long and a few times someone ended up on the ground and the other in prison.
Load More Replies...If the groom worries that much for HAIR, I'm worried about the bride... unless she's the quiet/submissive type, she will have a horrible life with a person like that...
Ugh.... Jesus had long hair AND a beard. This isn't about a real religion, it's about absolute control. Sis should walk away before he uses the bible as an excuse to start beating her.
Don't change. Your BIL knew your beliefs while he was dating your sister. I'm an atheist who follows Buddha's teachings. My southern Baptist MIL only cared that she could see these grandsons and show them off. I loved and still love her. Two moms I miss everyday.
If the groom was truly a Godly person, he would believe and practice " Judge ye not lest ye be judged". Do not cut your hair but attend the wedding. One day your sister will realize how controlling the groom's demand was.
There is nowhere in the Bible that says men should have short hair. Most men in Biblical times had longer hair. It does however, say in the Old Testament that men are not to "cut their hair at the temples" like the Romans at the time who cut their hair short.
Where in the Bible does it say men can't have long hair? This is a man-made rule. It's ridiculous to expect others to follow the rules of your church. I'm pretty sure God doesn't care about anyone's hair. This is a huge red flag that the bride refuses to see. This guy will be in control of every aspect of their lives.
Just tell the groom "its against MY religion to cut my hair. You have two choices. Either I'm there as I am, clean and styled but as myself OR I don't show up. Your choice. But I WILL NOT conform to a religion that isn't my own. Sorry bud.
She is going to find herself very alone, her friends are going to drop like flies. Her fiance is isolating her in order to control her. Life isnt going to get better. Probably turn abusive. Its really sad.
Am I the only one who would secretly want to hire ZZTop as the wedding band? As my wedding gift for the bride and groom.
NTA, who are all these entitled people turning their weddings into a soap opera? "Formal, semi-formal, dressy, casual ". These are pretty much the only "rules" hosts get to dictate.
The groom will all ways find some thing to pick on and say it's due to his religion. Nip it in the bud now or there will be an argument before every family gathering. Just wait until they have children
This is pretty much exhibit A on how the evangelical church let their values shift from love and service to power and control. If I saw these rules, I would know they are much more interested in the minutae of my life and telling me what to do than in loving their neighbors or sharing all they have w/ the poor. As the adage goes, absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Jesus had long hair, and a beard. Nobody, aside from the military or maybe a boss, has the right to tell another person how to wear their hair. I'd also grow a long beard just because!
Does your sister understand this isnt about your hair? Its about her future husband ruling every aspect of her life under the heading ' my religious beliefs'
Ok but Jesus has long hair and was bearded right? So. If Jesus came from heaven to attend the wedding I had to stay out?
I don't know if anyone mentioned it, but Jesus had long hair. The people who call themselves followers of Christ often do not seem to be. I don't think Jesus would be welcomed, with his long hair and "be nice to others" approach, in today's megachurches.
You know what happened to Sampson when his hair got cut.......so take me as I am, or have nothing at alllllllllllllllll
Nowhere in the bible does it say men can't have long hair. Also, your fake god and made up religion are not entitled to a say in how other people live their lives. Stop using your cult as an excuse to treat people badly.
I guess the soon to be BIL hasn't actually read the Bible but had it spoon fed to him by church leaders. Either that or he's one of those ego driven men who thinks he can read a tome translated several times from the original and understand it without input or guidance from Bibljcal experts. I find these twits' ideas amusing but increasingly dangerous. Jesus turned water into wine for a wedding. Jesus blessed and drank wine as part of a celebration. He would have consumed wine during the blessing at dinner time on Shabbos, at Passover, Purim, etc. Jesus had no problem with the social consumption of wine. This guy is a control freak who is using his version of religion to make himself the diety your sister will obey and worship. Is your sister that desperate to get married? Try to let your sister know you will always support her no matter what. She's going to need safe places to escape this loony tune if and when she comes to her senses.
I thought evangelicals are supposed to take the bible literally in all things? Did they miss the parts about love thy neighbor, and the part where only God can judge? I don't think God would want families divided over such trivial matters. This man sounds like a control freak not a Christian. I'm no historian but every single image I've seen of Jesus he has long hair smh
I would really like to know rules for women that had 2 bridesmaid not atrend? So I guess the sister is changing religion? This is ridiculous to ask people to change, did this also mean can't attend reception?
Whoever wrote this article made unnecessary criticisms of the Bible such as "it contradicts itself" without tying that claim to the actual topic. it also implies the BIL's insistence on strict rules for attendees is a natural result of him believing in the Bible rather than an anomaly or at least an example of one extreme group claiming to follow the Bible. The writer is correct that people interpret the Bible differently and that Christians value sharing and yes trying to convert people. What the writer did not mention is there are many passages that would suggest the BIL's requirements are not loving or a good example to the family henhopes to join and maybe convert, I am in the American south wyich is known as "the Bible belt" and I have never heard of a wedding as restrictive as this one apparently is. This is more a result of one person's super conservative beliefs combined with a need to control others than it is an example of what happens when you become a Christian.
My family is Roman Catholic. When I started working, I went to church less and less. My father used to be the only one of my parents working, things happened and my mom ended up working as well, so they both started going less and less. My oldest and youngest brothers both had a child out of wedlock. We all still have our faith, we have just evolved our minds to realize that life happens. As long as we follow the core values and treat others how we would want to be treated, everything else will be fine in the end.
NTA, what he BIL and sister do should be behind closed doors not flung open into someone's face. Stick to your guns and recover from covid, I hope you didn't get too sick and are better now.
People get so darned crazy when it comes to weddings, both the couple and the guests. A wedding is a religious ritual, and the only rules applicable are whatever the particular church says. People who don't like the rules can choose not to go, and couples who are upset their friends aren't attending should learn a valuable life lesson from that. The *wedding reception* is a celebration you invite guests to. The hosts (the couple) don't get to dictate how guests look, what clothing they wear, their hairstyle, anything. You don't ask people to a dinner party at your house and demand they shave off their beard or wear blue clothes or whatever. This is no different. If the couple can't understand that, they need to learn the same life lesson as above.
NTA...You're not even in the wedding party!!! You should have to change who you are or your hair that you've been growing for FOUR year for something that barely lasts ONE day....especially for a marriage that, hopefully when his sister wises up, probably won't even last 3 years...at best.
My only worry here is that I hope the OP isn't a teacher in the US. His spelling and grammar are atrocious. LOL! As for the wedding, I'm a Christian, and my relationship with Jesus is my own, and no-one else's. It's not for me to tell anyone what they must or mustn't do. If they ask me for my opinion, they'll get it, but not before. And long hair is really only commented on in the old testament, for Jewish men, and that a couple of millennia ago. As for the pictures of Jesus, they were from the renaissance, when Italian men wore long hair. No-one knows whether our Lord's hair was long or short, so it's a moot point. It's terribly sad that this issue is breaking apart a family, so I would suggest that fiance's church is more a cult than a Christian church. Jesus would be pretty cheesed off at them, I think.
Just one more example of why I left the church. No one has the right to tell you what you can and cannot do with your own body (are you listening Marjorie Taylor Greene, the entire US Supreme Court?). Sister is in for a life of servitude to this misogynistic, self righteous, self centered moron. There are over 5,000 recognized "religions" on the planet & I can GUARANTEE, yours is not "THE ONE".
IMO, the desires of the wedding couple in a wedding are predominant. They're quite free to set any requirements that are important to them. And every attendee is free to say, "that's not for me, I'm not coming". The attendees shouldn't decide to not follow the rules or be entitled enough to ask for an exception, and the couple can't force the attendees to do something they don't want to do. Here, OP has calmly declined to attend, but the couple is demanding that he change, then giving him an exception. Neither is acceptable. If (by the couple's logic) what OP is doing is wrong, there shouldn't be an exception. If it's important enough that he gets an exception, then they should just throw out the rule in the first place. By their actions, they're being (1) controlling, and (2) hypocrites. And the fact that their "rules" are causing people to decline to come should be a signal of that - and that the bride is going to be controlled, too.
Your wedding, your rules. The bride clearly believes this, is willing to disinvite her brother and lose two bridesmaids and a ringbearer over it. Likewise, if the OP ever marries she will be happy to follow his rule of all women shaving their heads and chanting “**** JESUS!” as they walk in. Your wedding, your rules.
Christ and all the apostles had long hair. And beards. If it’s not verbatim in the NT then it’s nonsense and someone trying to be holier than thou
I'm super curious about the rules for the women if she (or he through her) had driven off 2 bridesmaids and a ring bearer. Drama drama drama
Last I checked , I was raised that Jesus had long hair and a beard. 🤔🤨 They have paintings and statues that show the same. I guess if he was invited, they would expect him to clean up as well.
The thing is... I'm a seminary trained pastor with over 30 years of experience. There is no biblical requirement for men to have short hair. As a matter of fact there were several followers of God in the bible who where explicitly known for having long hair... Jesus first among them.
Yeah, nothing about long hair in bible though vanity is bad. This story is BS anyway.
Imo, the more important fear here is OP's sister. She is in love now, but what's in store for her down the road with a highly controlling husband with the support of his church behind his edicts. I am an evangelical Christian and I teach Bible classes. Nowhere in scripture do these crazy rules exist. When interpreted correctly, the Bible supports diversity, individuality, and broad viewpoints. OP setting boundaries now is correct. But the bride should be doing the same. Well maybe not. What she should really do is run from this guy and this brand of errant Christianity.
I've had a beard for a long time. I last shaved in 1983. If anyone told me I had to shave to conform to their version of religion, I would decline the request.
I would like to know if the groom and the church he goes to are all blind people. Because every picture I have ever seen of Jesus. He did not have a fade. Looked like his hair is past his shoulders, thick as wool. Correct me if I am wrong.
Apparently prospective BIL hasn't seen pictures of Jesus. HE didn't have short hair and had facial hair to boot. At least in most pictures I've ever seen. Granted they aren't actual pictures, but that's the way Christ is always portrayed.
This is also supported by the discovery of The Shroud of Turin whis shows the outline of Jesus as he was when they wrapped him in this cloth before placing him in the tomb. Watched a Discovery Channel documentary on this many years ago
Load More Replies...Jesus would have certainly had a beard, and there's a very good chance his hair would have been long. So this isn't about religion, it's about control
I grew up in church. I never understood why some denominations say that long hair or beard or both on men are wrong. Pretty sure Jesus had a beard and long hair.
it's against the grooms beliefs, not HIS. no one else gets a say in how he has his hair.
Stay true to yourself. Their religious rules don't apply to you
Wish I’d seen this on Reddit. I do know the Bible fairly well. There is no commandment about hair but there is one about co**s saying you don’t need to cut THAT to be a Christian so hair should be safe not to cut 😊 it does comment that a woman’s hair is her crown of glory but it doesn’t say a word about length requirements. I understand that is the culture with that group of worshippers but BIL would be doing it to please man and not God and so the groom should understand that it won’t do OP “any good”. I’m sorry OP has Covid feel better!
Does the groom know that Jesus had long hair and many of his followers? The brides brother is not the issue here. The issue here is the groom and his desire to have his religious beliefs imposed on others. Some religious people have to remember that tou are to respect all people. When forcing one to cut one's hair is an act of control and yhis behavior is unacceptable.
All this drama over hair. Since the brides brother is of a different religion he shouldn’t have to be pressured to cut his hair. If the future BIL is this adamant I feel sorry for his soon to be wife. Whatever he says goes. I think she will have a miserable life as she will probably have no say so in what goes on. Just saying.
I made the account just so I can comment on this one. NTA! To some people I'm conservative, to my family... I'm very liberal. Yet even I say your sister needs to break this relationship now before it's too late. I know that doesn't mean much, but I've seen a lot having a pastor as a dad. These relationships are horrible and toxic to everyone. And... My dad, an evangelical pastor and one of the most conservative people I know, doesn't require men or women to have rules for weddings (other than both genders keep your privates covered). In saying that... Your soon to be BIL has a view. Plead with your sister. She has a hard, lonely path ahead.
People really need to just relax, before COVID hit, I used to go to open skates at one of my ice arenas and there was this really cool guy, really good skater too, that always had his hair braided. The braid went to about his knees last time I saw him. What a person's hair length says nothing about their personality
Look at the typical christian visual representation of Christ. Long hair, beard, sandals and robes. So where in the issue?
The Bible does say that God doesn't want men to have long hair. But he does not force us. And this evangelical is not acting out of love But it out of the flesh. Shalom
As a Catholic I really don't understand the huge differences in the branches. Like Samson had long hair, so did Jesus??? Some men don't cut their hair for religious purposes. Some do. While others have zero restraints on cutting hair. I know the lines are from Paul's letters because he thought was gayish . But Paul letters also talk about beating children and wife's obligation towards intercourse. He also was stranded and alone shipwrecked 3 times, imprisoned for 2 yrs isolated with untreated epilepsy. They were letters of hatred . He took a lot personal beliefs into those letters of interpretation. Many like stoning children which we realized is morally wrong. So I was always taught his letters were or more less commentary while scriptures was events, places, people.Human judgement is imperfect, flawed bias.So in religious debate enforcing someone to cut their hair because your interptation is different is beyond imposing.its say your version of religion should be encore to everyone's
Recovering Catholic here. Glad to find another who's not a fan of Paul.
Load More Replies...I'm a bit sorry for the bride, but u don't know if the rules were partly her idea. I myself get a lot of negative experience because of my hair etc., I know how that feels
I would be very concerned for the future of this relationship. Sooner or later the bride will find these restrictions and rules to be too controlling and she will want out. Walk away before it is too late.
This is one of the many reasons that I don't tolerate conventional and wild rules in religion. I believe everyone has a right to believe what they choose but they have no right to tell others how to believe. I have my own beliefs and I don't tell others what to believe.
This hole thing is pretty weird. Wouldn't be surprised if you just fased them out of your life and concentrated on your job as a school teacher. Those kids need to be ejukated.
Boy, are they not going to be happy when/if their hippy socialist Savior returns on Judgement Day.
Tue man is tue head of tue wife, nothing is wrong with his long hair, I wouldn't be trying to complain about it. He marrying the woman who he chose. Family can be sooo messy!
Supposedly even Jesus had long hair. And depictions of God show him with long hair as well. Just saying for a friend because I'm an atheist and know nothing about such things.
I find it curious how many religions are obsessed with hair and head covering, but can't come to agreement with what God says about this.
All religions are nonsense and effing Christians and muslims are the worst. Its just an excuse to try and control people. I was raised Mennonite and escaped when I was old enough to realize its all BS.
If the rules for men were that strict, I'm almost afraid to ask what they required from the women.
Tem uma galera evangélica enveredando por um caminho obscuro e bem perturbador, eles agem levantando uma bandeira de boas intenções, mas o que sobra das ações deles é gente destruída e vidas arruinadas, não há nada de bom nisso, e ninguém tem que ser conivente com violência psicológica e comportamento abusivo disfarçado de boas intenções.
I believe the OP is right! I would not cut my hair for a wedding but I'm the type that use the electric razor at 0! I would not cut my hair and at one point it was longer then his! Many many great and respectful men at one time had long hair! Like Jesus Christ!!!!!! Why being up your woke feeling on this and arguments that you don't agree on? Trying to get people on your said by talking about gays and other woke stuff? It's easy your hair your right to say what you want done with it! Sister and new husband don't like it then don't go!!!!!! Easy as that! They have to respect you and your feelings and what you want why should you not give them the same? Don't go if that's an issue! Let family know you would like to go but can't because of your hair! Family that love you will be on your side! Yet it's there wedding it's there day! Not yours want to be apart of it tell them how you feel don't cry to the internet! Lame
What the actual hell was ANY of that? Did all 23 of your personalities try to come out at the same time as you were writing? Because that's seriously what it reads like.
Load More Replies...I don't care what he does with his hair, but if he typed this little disquisition, I'd be really concerned about the fact that he's a teacher who can't spell the most basic words, nor can he string a sentence together in some places. I'm curious as to what he actually teaches.
English may not be his first language. Besides, I know some English teachers, that have English as their first language, that don't know how to spell the most basic words.
Load More Replies...What a crock of c**p this story is. M@ 28 has terrible spelling skills. Ok if he's a farmer or welder by trade, BUT this nut job is going to be a teacher? (panel #4) NOT real to have so many spelling errors. I can NOT take this story as anywhere near true on so many levels. People in his family who 'sport' long hair, to the 1 week before wedding that he asks for 'help' just not real!!!!
OP is from Brazil (because America's not the *only* country on earth), so probably speaks Portuguese and has English as his second language, but sure, go off, I guess.
Load More Replies...Ok I'm gonna nitpick on grammar. The Op uses the phrase " the hole thing" several times. It should be "the whole thing" normally it doesn't bother me but he uses the phrase so often that it became distracting.
It's just his hair that he doesn't want to cut just for a wedding. That's not even his!
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