Bridesmaid Asks People Online For Their Take On If She Was Wrong For Refusing To Swap Necklaces With The Bride
Attending a wedding should be a fun event as it is an opportunity to dress up, maybe meet people you haven’t seen in a long time, and just have fun in general. It is also the day when a person you care about decides to have this big celebration of finding their love, so it should be all around an enjoyable day.
But weddings are also known to be events with a lot of drama surrounding them as the organizers are often tired and stressed, wanting everything to be perfect. Sometimes it can lead to serious conflicts, as Redditor BlueRoses95 shared. She went to her friend’s wedding and before it even started, she got in a fight with the bride over a necklace.
More info: Reddit
A woman is asking if she was being rude for not switching necklaces with the bride who is not talking with her now over it
Image credits: BlueRoses95 (the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 31-year-old woman who was invited to her high school friend’s wedding and was asked to be one of her bridesmaids. She knew that she wouldn’t know any people in the party well, except for the bride’s immediate family, but she decided to come anyway to support her friend who is named Mary for the purposes of the story.
BlueRoses95 was planning on coming with her own fiancé, but he got sick with Covid right before they were supposed to leave, so that meant the OP had to go alone as she tested negative and they don’t live together.
Image credits: BlueRoses95
The bridesmaid wore a necklace that her fiancé gifted her on their 5th anniversary and it was meant to complement the bridesmaid’s dress
Image credits: BlueRoses95
An important detail in the story is how the woman got her necklace. A couple of months before the wedding, she and her fiancé celebrated their 5th anniversary. To mark the occasion, the fiancé gifted the woman a necklace that he thought she could wear at the wedding as it complemented her bridesmaid dress.
The OP asked Mary if it was alright if she wore her own jewelry and the bride wasn’t opposed to that, so BlueRoses95 was happy to wear it as in some way, it represented her fiancé who couldn’t make it to the wedding.
Image credits: BlueRoses95
Unfortunately, the fiancé couldn’t go to the wedding because he contracted Covid, so the bridesmaid went alone
Image credits: BlueRoses95
The drama started when the bride saw the necklace and fell in love with it. So much so that she asked if they could switch their necklaces. Everyone was enthusiastic about the thought because it would be something borrowed.
There is an old wedding tradition originating from England’s Victorian Era that says a bride should wear “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence in her shoe” as it will bring luck to her life.
The bride liked the necklace so much she asked to switch them for photos, but the bridesmaid refused as it was a gift
Image credits: BlueRoses95
The bride then asked her to at least not wear it as it outshined her own jewelry
Image credits: BlueRoses95
That is why everyone thought that it would be really nice if the OP could give the necklace to the bride. But she wasn’t willing to do that as it was an anniversary gift, so Mary asked if she could at least take it off for the photos because it was more beautiful than her own jewelry. The OP refused again because she wanted her fiancé to see her in the necklace when she shared the photos with him.
That made Mary and the other bridesmaids get angry with her and the celebration from then on wasn’t fun at all with Mary’s friends giving her dirty looks and being unfriendly. Later, Mary’s sister came up to the OP and told her how rude of her it was to upset her friend like that on such an important day.
The bridesmaid refused again because she wanted her fiancé to see her wearing it in the photos
Image credits: BlueRoses95
The two friends haven’t talked since the wedding and the OP is asking if she really was that rude
Image credits: BlueRoses95
The OP posted this story a week after the incident and she couldn’t stop thinking about it. After all, Mary was her friend and she made her feel bad at her wedding. So she is asking if she was really that big of a jerk.
What do you think? Was the OP in the right to refuse to give Mary the necklace as it was an anniversary gift? Or the OP should have been more accommodating on her friend’s big day? Let us know your thoughts!
People in the comments didn’t think so and found it weird that the bride wanted to wear someone else’s gift so badly
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I get a strong sense that if she had allowed her to wear the necklace she would have had a hard time getting it back all thru that day at least. Plus it would end end "falling off and some how go missing, or the chain would be broken. I know I am a pessimist but I once had a beautiful black jacket everybody loved and my bestie begged me day in and out to borrow it for work. I gave in and then 2 days later was advised she had left it in the car at the train station and someone broke her window and reached in and stole it. I do not believe that even to this day. I am pretty sure her mother helped herself to it as she had a habit of asking me for my clothes whenever I was wearing something she liked and trying to guilt me into giving her anything I wasn't wearing recently, I mean seriously?
100% agree that the bride wanted to steal the necklace.
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You are definitely not the one being entitled. You might have saved her a problem if you’re a believer in superstition. Opals are considered very unlucky, especially if worn by a bride who either inherited or borrowed them. They’re only considered safe to wear if you were an October child, or if you were gifted them in October. Where I live there’d be quite a stir if the bride wore opals. It really is considered very unlucky. It’s on a par with saying “We should split up” in a horror movie.
I want to know more 'wives' tales' of where you're from.
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I think that if people are this petty and immature then it is not worth having them as friends in the first place
We're really asking for 'something borrowed' on the DAY OF the wedding? Add in the entitled bride, and it sounds awful to even be a guest, much less stand up in the wedding.
Seriously, why didn't she think to borrow something in advance? She's had months, years to plan her wedding, and she didn't remember to borrow something?
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Here's a radical thought: Adults should be able to wear what the damn they want. That she even thought it was necessary to ask is f'ed up
Hmm - in the UK we tend only to ask our really good friends or relations to be bridesmaids. If I was a really good friend of the bride, I'd lend my necklace to her. If I had a decent fiance he'd have loved me for doing something nice. It's weird the bride asked someone she wasn't close to to be a bridesmaid. It's weird the OP agreed to be if she wasn't close enough to the bride to lend her things confidently, and to be selfless for her.
I would have lent it as I personally wouldn't have taken it as a big deal, but it's your necklace and if that's what you wanted that's your right. You're NTA.
Nothing wrong with asking but for them to push even after a rejection is just AH behaviour.
I don't understand the ESH comment. OP clearly asked the bride ahead if they're allowed to wear their own piece (although there might not be a photo shown to the bride when she asked). Also, it's a very simple necklace to begin with - how is that necklace upstaging what the bride might be wearing (unless bride has tacky taste in jewelry).
When the bridesmaid asked if she could wear her own necklace, the bride said yes. It's not like it was the Hope Diamond. The bride didn't say, "yes, as long as it's not prettier than my necklace." This spoiled entitled brides has gone to far, the others in the wedding party agreeing with the bride shows she's used to getting her way.
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I get a strong sense that if she had allowed her to wear the necklace she would have had a hard time getting it back all thru that day at least. Plus it would end end "falling off and some how go missing, or the chain would be broken. I know I am a pessimist but I once had a beautiful black jacket everybody loved and my bestie begged me day in and out to borrow it for work. I gave in and then 2 days later was advised she had left it in the car at the train station and someone broke her window and reached in and stole it. I do not believe that even to this day. I am pretty sure her mother helped herself to it as she had a habit of asking me for my clothes whenever I was wearing something she liked and trying to guilt me into giving her anything I wasn't wearing recently, I mean seriously?
100% agree that the bride wanted to steal the necklace.
Load More Replies... You are definitely not the one being entitled. You might have saved her a problem if you’re a believer in superstition. Opals are considered very unlucky, especially if worn by a bride who either inherited or borrowed them. They’re only considered safe to wear if you were an October child, or if you were gifted them in October. Where I live there’d be quite a stir if the bride wore opals. It really is considered very unlucky. It’s on a par with saying “We should split up” in a horror movie.
I want to know more 'wives' tales' of where you're from.
Load More Replies... I think that if people are this petty and immature then it is not worth having them as friends in the first place
We're really asking for 'something borrowed' on the DAY OF the wedding? Add in the entitled bride, and it sounds awful to even be a guest, much less stand up in the wedding.
Seriously, why didn't she think to borrow something in advance? She's had months, years to plan her wedding, and she didn't remember to borrow something?
Load More Replies... Here's a radical thought: Adults should be able to wear what the damn they want. That she even thought it was necessary to ask is f'ed up
Hmm - in the UK we tend only to ask our really good friends or relations to be bridesmaids. If I was a really good friend of the bride, I'd lend my necklace to her. If I had a decent fiance he'd have loved me for doing something nice. It's weird the bride asked someone she wasn't close to to be a bridesmaid. It's weird the OP agreed to be if she wasn't close enough to the bride to lend her things confidently, and to be selfless for her.
I would have lent it as I personally wouldn't have taken it as a big deal, but it's your necklace and if that's what you wanted that's your right. You're NTA.
Nothing wrong with asking but for them to push even after a rejection is just AH behaviour.
I don't understand the ESH comment. OP clearly asked the bride ahead if they're allowed to wear their own piece (although there might not be a photo shown to the bride when she asked). Also, it's a very simple necklace to begin with - how is that necklace upstaging what the bride might be wearing (unless bride has tacky taste in jewelry).
When the bridesmaid asked if she could wear her own necklace, the bride said yes. It's not like it was the Hope Diamond. The bride didn't say, "yes, as long as it's not prettier than my necklace." This spoiled entitled brides has gone to far, the others in the wedding party agreeing with the bride shows she's used to getting her way.
Load More Replies...
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