There are very obvious red flags that show up right away and are a clear sign that the relationship isn’t worth developing. But most of the time, the red flags are more subtle and are easier to dismiss as a one-off thing or a not-so-serious character flaw that doesn’t mean anything. Those subtle signs are the most important to catch as they may indicate that the person is hiding something more serious.
People on Reddit discussed what are some red flags that are related to cooking that might mean that the person isn’t the right fit. Many of them not only shared what cooking habits they find alarming, but they also spoke about signs that, from their own experience, were red flags.
Would you add anything to this list? Which habit that people mentioned do you think is a solid sign to rethink the relationship? Let us know in the comments!
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There was a letter to an advice column years ago, from a woman convinced her mother in law was slightly poisoning her every time they went to her house for dinner.
After every meal she grew violently ill and threw up/had diarrhea.
When she told her husband her suspicion he said she was crazy. His mother was a saint who adored her and would die before hurting her.
The advice columnist urged the wife to swap her plate with her husband’s during the next dinner. The woman wrote back saying she followed the advice and it was her husband who became violently ill after the meal.
When she told him what she’d done she said he looked at her with such loathing she realized he’d suspected what his mom was doing all along but, instead of standing up for her, he decided to gaslight her about her suspicions to avoid upsetting his mom.
Talk about your red flags.
I found the original: Dear Prudence, My mother-in-law hates me and makes no bones about it when she and I are alone. My husband doesn’t believe me, and she even gloats about that. We have to attend family functions at her home about once a month. (It used to be more frequent, but after I put my foot down, my husband agreed that monthly would be sufficient.) The problem is that after each visit, I wind up with a bad case of diarrhea; my husband does not. I don’t know if the other in-laws are affected, because if I asked, it would get back to her. I suspect that my mother-in-law is putting something in my food or drink. Last time, I barely made it home before being struck down. Now I am considering getting some “adult undergarments” to make sure I don’t ruin the car’s upholstery on the ride home from her place. Do you have any other advice? —Running for the Hills
Refusing to regularly take over the responsibility for providing meals.
God bless him, my late father could *not* cook. He could manage a few basics, would help by fixing sides dishes, but anything more complicated, well.... Nope.
That said both he and my Mom worked fairly long days at not-easy jobs. Still, Mom was usually the one who was responsible for dinner.
But there were evenings when Mom walked in the door, dropped her bad, and announced, " I'm not cooking."
Dad, while hopeless at cooking, was not stupid, and replied with, " Where do you want to go?"
Yes, we were lucky to be able to eat out regularly. But that aside, that one exchange was a fantastic example of how they stayed married for nearly 40 years.
It didn't matter that Dad couldn't cook; what mattered was that it was no longer Mom's problem.
We usually went out to a typical family restaurant. But sometimes it was McDonalds. Sometimes we ordered pizza. Sometimes it was declared an "every man for himself" night, and everybody, including us kids, just fixed ourselves something.
But the big thing was Dad was always willing to take over for Mom when needed. And *that* was why it worked.
I cook a lot for my family. Occasionally my parents will do the cooking.
When they don’t know how to cook, refuse to cook, but are super picky when you cook for them. Nope nope nope
I once decided to cook for a girl I was dating. It was pretty fresh at the time, third time I had seen her. I thought it might be nice to cook, have a wine and chat etc. as you do. While I was cooking she told me to stop talking so much and hurry up because she was hungry in a rude, annoyed tone. That turned me off to the point I didn’t see her again after that night!
That a*****e on YouTube who is tricking his vegetarian wife into loving the taste of meat.
Sneaking animal products into things she believes is meat free.
Huge piece of s**t. Unless it's all b******t for getting views, then mild piece of s**t.
Being a full grown adult that waits to be cooked for. Knowing full well, his spouse might also be working full time. But they won't lift a finger to grab dinner on the way home or if already home toss something in the microwave.
You cook and they dont help clean
Well, when I cook, I use minimum dishes and tidy up while cooking. My better half on the other hand leaves the kitchen like a tornado hit it, so I do refuse to clean up after she cooks.
Touching the oven when I'm cooking. Had a friend "fix" the oven while I was reverse searing ribeyes a few years back so they'd cook faster. You know what happens to a ribeye when you leave it in the oven at 375 for an hour?
She did the same to a rack of ribs on another occasion. Saw that the grill was set to low and thought "That can't be right." Jacked it up to high without telling anybody, and treated us to a nice rack of charcoal chips for dinner.
She should have learned the first time. If she was my friend, she would get a blunt warning to not mess with my cooking again.
Haven’t seen cleanliness yet.
I’m not talking about pots, pans and dishes after (that should be negotiated or depends on who invited who. But one should always offer to help).
I’m talking about during preparation and cooking. For example, if you handle raw meat, you should use soap and warm water before touching anything else. Any possible contamination on a counter top, …
We were at a bbq and thankfully I was watching while he started brushing sauce from the bag (where the raw meat came from) onto the fully cooked chicken he was just about to serve! Salmonella anyone??
I knew a guy who dropped his $1 bottle of spaghetti sauce, jar broke in the bag. He goes and makes spaghetti…. With sauce. We ask if this is the same sauce…. Yup! He just pulled the chunks of glass out of it 😳. I do not eat that spaghetti or anything he cooked after that
Saying they are allergic to some ingredients but later admit they "just don't like the texture."
I get the texture thing, I hate mushy slimy myself. But ffs don't pull the "I am allergic to mushrooms/peas/onions/tomatoes" thing.
And don't give others grief if they don't like the texture. I hate the texture of onions. Can't stand them. Don't even like to see them. If I had a dollar for every time someone gave me $H!T about it, I'd be able to hire someone to destroy all the onions in the world.
people who won’t eat leftovers
This can very much depend. My husband won't eat leftovers because the leftovers he was fed as a child were the result of the cheapest nastiest sh1t that he barely ate it before it became leftovers. Oh, and his leftovers weren't what was left in the dish unserved, they were the scraping back off the plate. So yeah, we don't do leftovers, thanks for your judgment.
I love to cook. My ex-boyfriend was a really picky eater. So i tried to make things without the ingredients he doesnt like. But several times after i cooked he said "im just gonna order something". I know it sounds like im a bad cook, but thats not the case. I worked in a kitchen for years and my friends all love my food. I still get pissed when i think about the time i just wanted him to tast my soup, just a little spoon. He refused because he was gonna order shoarma and didnt wanna ruin the 'before taste'.
Ok, could be an a$$hole, could be autistic. Either way it's sit-down and talk time.
So forcing foods on people who have issues with allergies, textures or preferences is wrong until.... If he genuinely couldn't face the food then surely that's his choice. The principles of consent apply to food just as much as they do to everything else.
First Christmas dinner with my new bf, made my (very popular) oven roasted carrots with warming spices and a bit of brown sugar. He spat it out all over me, the kitchen cupboards and the floor.
Apart from allergies or sensory issues, he was very rude and has no taste, I was drooling just reading that, sounds delicious!
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Sounds like he could have been autistic or had legit food aversions. He needed his food to be predictable, and if it didn’t taste exactly how he needed it to taste, he might not be able to eat for the rest of the day. So that one spoon of soup could have made it so he COULDNT eat the shawarma. It’s hard when you want to love someone with your food and it makes sense that the relationship didn’t work out when food means such different things to the both of you, love for you, risk of discomfort for him, but I don’t think he was TRYING to be a jerk.
They were dating. If this were true and it had somehow never been a topic of conversation, that's not cooking related, but it's a definite red flag
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My second husband I teased as having the pickiness of a toddler. I loved him until the day he died, 20years of being best friends and another 20 married. I cooked his food like he wanted because I loved him and fancied up my meals. I give a million dollars to cook his way again but I lost him one month before 40 years of being best friends. If you love them, cook for them like they like and use the ingredients in what you want. His liking pasta plain with butter so I made sauce for myself. My roommate does the same for me; he’s the same age as my son so we’re not a couple, just very good friends. Honestly, what harm to do so? However, that ordering out is sh*tty and I’d have kicked him and kicked him again as he leaves!
Actually, this is no different than forcing a vegan to taste meat. If he doesn’t like it, he shouldn’t have to eat it. She could have saved herself a lot of trouble by telling him ahead of time what she was cooking so she only had to cook for herself
What a jerk. I am a very picky eater and would never do this, I would always try to eat it.
In this context, probably a really lovely flavour which spoils the enjoyment of what follows
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The "before taste." What a pretentious cockhole. Glad you left that Wannabe Wolfgang F**k.
Ik my siblings r little so I can’t blame them but everytime I cook and they try a raw ingredient they’re like Ew then I give them some of the finished and there like no disgusting it has vanilla extract in it that’s not good and then they will eat their own snack from the store. It hurts but they’re kids so.
I was a picky eater until I became embarrassed by my continuous "no, thank you" responses at my future MIL's Italian table. Life changing step into adulthood. It turns out that many "men" are major food cowards. Glad he is your Ex; who wants to cater to a child's pallette for 50 years.
Hate to break it them but they are probably over-estimating their cooking skills.
If you are in this situation, it's prob best to go ahead and assume the relationship isn't going to work out bc you'll just continue to end up with hurt feelings. I can empathize completely. Cooking is my hobby and I take a lot of pride in my work. I would feel very bad if my partner refused to even try the food, especially if I went out of my way to cook without the ingredients he didn't like.
Good thing he is now a EX- boyfriend, he sounds like a selfish and entitled idiot
Does that count as emotional abuse? I say it does! It's one thing not to like the food (though it still hurts at least you give it a chance!) And a whole other not to even taste it! Deciding beforehand that it's not good enough for you to eat. Ugh. Glad he's an ex.
If they are purposefully cooking things that their partner does not like or worse, that they are allergic to.
Well deppending on the case this might be a good thing, when i was a kid ( toddler ) i was alérgic to eegs, só my pediatritian advised my Mother to give me just a bit of egg every now and again, and it did work, i can eat eggs with no isues whatsoever, of course i only had a light reaction, and my Mother was advised by a doctor, don't f*****g do the same to a person that hás severe alergies, you might kill the poor bastard lol.
Making fun of your diet restrictions.
I get it often because I'm allergic to peppercorns. No I don't sneeze. Yes I could die with a large enough quantity. Sorry you've never heard of someone's throat closing up from pepper but I assure you I'm not lying. Please don't try to test me; small amounts will only give slight breathing issues but I really enjoy breathing normal. It's not cute mocking me or slowly pushing the pepper shaker or grinder slowly towards me.
The last time I saw this question posted, a guy responded saying that his wife only makes one thing at a time when making a meal. Mashed potatoes until they’re done, then beginning the meat, etc. He hadn’t had a hot meal in years. That comment still haunts me.
Not having any spices at all in your kitchen
I always say that a good, varied spice cabinet is an investment. Learn how to use them properly and you can make anything taste amazing, even if you're broke and eating spaghetti for the fifth night in a row. I always make sauces from scratch because it's cheaper and I have the spices for it.
Not being the one who's chore it is to clean something doesn't give you license to make more work than necessary for someone else. It's a huge red flag when you and your partner have the alternating "one cooks, other cleans" chore cycle and your partner completely *trashes* the kitchen every time it's their turn to cook. I'm talking leaving out ingredients, spilling and splashing stuff everywhere, dirtying way more cookware than needed, or cooking in a way that leaves burnt on residue so you have to deep clean.
When I was still married to my ex I always tried to keep things neat when I cooked and he always left a huge mess. Turns out its a big warning sign that they don't value your time or have consideration for your feelings.
Being a full-grown adult who doesn’t know how to cook
Depends. A young adult, just left the nest, might not have been taught. If willing to learn, great. An adult who can follow recipe instructions but is a meh cook due to lack of interest, as long as honest and appreciative of others cooking, fine. An adult who doesn't know how to cook even the simplest thing and refuses to learn on the other hand...
Not necessarily cooking but it's a pet peeve of mine when people buy things and just, don't eat them but throw them away... watched my ex purchase a wonderful looking ice cream, sit and let it melt for half an hour, then get up and throw it away.
My ex wife wanted to make meatloaf when we were first married. I was like cool I love meatloaf. So she pulled this meatloaf out of the oven when I got home. It was a slightly charred sad looking meatball floating in grease. She was apologetic about it but I didn't say s**t about it. I have never complained about her cooking anything. I made meatloaf a few weeks later and she loved it and wanted to know what I put in it. I told her and asked her how she makes meatloaf. She said you take some meat and put it in a pan. No egg, salt, pepper, ketchup. Just meat. I was like yep this is going to take some work. Turns out she was overconfident about everything and just winged it.
When they put your best knives in the dishwasher
Cough ... I recently ruined a knife with a wooden handle by putting it in the dishwasher then leaving it unemptied for I don't know how long
My ex thought that "browning" ground meat meant leaving it in the fridge til it turned brown.
someone who judges my personal tastes so strongly that they allow it to threaten a (potential) relationship
And the two above this for me qre not trusting or liking people who dont eat pizza or use garlic or garlic powder. Irony.
Saying that MSG is extremely bad for food.
Note: this post originally had 40 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I was slow smoking racks of ribs on my outdoor grill one holiday weekend, as usual. One of my next-door neighbor's guests came out on her porch and said: "Grandma, your barbecue smells wonderful! I can't wait for supper!" "THAT'S NOT MINE!!!!" was angrily shouted from inside her place. I had to go inside to laugh.
Mine was asking my partner if she wanted some of the food I was going to prepare, she says no, waits till it's cooked then decide that she wants some. Drives me crazy, sharing means that I'm now hungry because I have only eaten half of a meal, cooking more in anticipation of this nonsense means that we end up wasting food because sometimes she does not actually want some.
My wife used to do this too so I'm glad I'm not alone. I'd say I was going to make something and ask if she wanted any. She'd say no so I ask if she's sure and she'd say no again. Inevitably she'd then come into the kitchen and say "that smells nice, is there enough for me to have some". I'd share but as I was only cooking one portion there was never enough. In the end I just started to refuse, saying I asked her several times beforehand and there just isn't enough (which was true). Thankfully it doesn't happen anymore but it had to put up with a few silent treatments before it sunk in.
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No one mentioned using a cast iron skillet and then leaving it soaking in the sink instead of cleaning it.
it's ok if they're doing that to loosen the gunk from the ribs in the pan. If however they leave it there indefinitely that is a no go
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Not sure if red flag, but it annoys me really a lot - when someone grabs salt, pepper, or any kind of seasoning and starts to season his meal without tasting it first. Ugh
When I cook, my husband cleans. He usually cleans, anyway. But he enjoys cleaning (has told me so, genuinely, on several occasions). He does most of the cleaning, laundry, and childcare at home, as he's disabled, and doesn't work. I'm the breadwinner. I'm also neurodivergent, and he knows how exhausting the world can be for me. So when I come home, he wants me to rest, while he takes care of me. I have a winner. 😊❤️ I do make a bit of a mess sometimes, when I cook. But I try to at least wipe the counters (and any spills), rinse the dishes I use, and stack them neatly in the sink, lol.
I'm a great cook. My ex mil was not a good cook. So everytime I cooked my ex would say don't make that again. Before I left him I was making hamburger helper 5 days a week. He had also heard that you put spices in your cooking at the end. I could not get him to understand that was for fresh spices not dried. His spaghetti sauce was can of tomato sauce heated then spices thrown in for about 2 mins (dried spices) then served it over noodles. It was horrible. But he thought it was the most fantastic meal. Note: red flag for relationships and cooking if they put ketchup on something before even tasting it they didn't grow up eating or learning to cook food with flavor. My ex and ex-mil both would put ketchup on their food before tasting when mil cooked. I never understood till the first time I ate her cooking. Bad just plain bad cooking. Roast cooked on a top of the stove. Not oven not crock pot. In a fry pan. Nope
My ex-husband did so many weird things on our first date that should have been red flags but I somehow overlooked them. No regrets as I can't imagine my world wo my children. Not food related but for starters he would not tell me where we were going and told me to dress casual. I asked what casual was to him, he said Jeans wo holes and clean sneakers. Ok fine. I was nicely dressed but he showed up in a suit and tie and I was very under dressed for the restaurant. Then the reservation was in my name. He made it but used me name. But the biggest thing was when he ordered he asked that every item he placed on it own plate as apparently he did not like his foods to touch! He also ate one plate at a time until it was done. So all the meat then all the potatoes then all the veggies. I was young and thought it was weird but funny. It was a huge read flag hitting me in my naive face. When someone shows you who they are believe them!
Not disagreeing with you on the other stuff, but the seprate plate thing could be a sensory issues thing. Even if it wasn't for him, it often is, in general. I have sensory issues, and I don't like certain foods touching, because the juices from one change the taste/texture of another. I have divided plates at home, lol. I don't always ask for seprate plates, at a restaurant. But if I'm getting something that has a lot.of juices, like a steak, I will politely ask that my fries be served separately.
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About 40 years ago, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner. He asked that I start the cooking while he showered. He had something I'd never seen before called Hamburger Helper. So I browned the beef and was draining the grease when he returned. He asked what I was doing. He had apparently never bothered removing excess grease from ground beef before.
Hair! And over reacting! And all the variety of this. The fine line from tolerating "that one hair found once", to "every single time" "in every damn plate", to "demanding that you should get dressed like an astronaut every time you cook because of this one incident two years ago"
my red flag: person only liked really bland food, like plain rice. I mean, food is life. If you're going to do that then why bother living at all?
Autism, mate. Pretty rude to say someone shouldn't live because they prefer plainer food tastes.
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#14. I don't see this as a red flag. For example, I hate mayonnaise (and most other sauces) in sandwiches to the extent I'd rather starve than eat it. And simply requesting no mayo in the sandwich from fast food places doesn't work, most times they ignore the request and I end up with mayo in a sandwich I won't eat. I've had to specify I'm allergic to mayo in order for them to get my order correct. #36. He sounds like a huge a*****e tbh. His wife cooks dinner and has to see about a baby and he's complaining that the cleanliness of the place isn't up to his standards? Taking care of a child and dinner is absolutely not easy work. How hard is is to pitch in help instead of complaining. Working doesn't excuse anything when it's also your child, your household and your dinner.
How are most of these red flags? Most of these problems seem to stem from people never having been corrected, maybe never having anyone teach them. Did they at least TRY to talk about how to treat the knives, or how to season things, before judging the other person? I am glad for people who are brought up to know "everything" about cooking, but isn't the worst Red flag for a relationship when the person who CAN won't teach/help out the person who CAN'T? Otherwise, it's just a matter of superiority and prejudice.
I was using my nice little paring knife to debone some meat. A few days later I couldn't find the knife and realized I tossed it in the trash with the scraps I removed. I dug through the trash until I found the stinking mass of slimy decaying fat and found my knife. Took a while to clean the handle. Wife thought I was nuts, but I like that little knife.
I was slow smoking racks of ribs on my outdoor grill one holiday weekend, as usual. One of my next-door neighbor's guests came out on her porch and said: "Grandma, your barbecue smells wonderful! I can't wait for supper!" "THAT'S NOT MINE!!!!" was angrily shouted from inside her place. I had to go inside to laugh.
Mine was asking my partner if she wanted some of the food I was going to prepare, she says no, waits till it's cooked then decide that she wants some. Drives me crazy, sharing means that I'm now hungry because I have only eaten half of a meal, cooking more in anticipation of this nonsense means that we end up wasting food because sometimes she does not actually want some.
My wife used to do this too so I'm glad I'm not alone. I'd say I was going to make something and ask if she wanted any. She'd say no so I ask if she's sure and she'd say no again. Inevitably she'd then come into the kitchen and say "that smells nice, is there enough for me to have some". I'd share but as I was only cooking one portion there was never enough. In the end I just started to refuse, saying I asked her several times beforehand and there just isn't enough (which was true). Thankfully it doesn't happen anymore but it had to put up with a few silent treatments before it sunk in.
Load More Replies... No one mentioned using a cast iron skillet and then leaving it soaking in the sink instead of cleaning it.
it's ok if they're doing that to loosen the gunk from the ribs in the pan. If however they leave it there indefinitely that is a no go
Load More Replies... Not sure if red flag, but it annoys me really a lot - when someone grabs salt, pepper, or any kind of seasoning and starts to season his meal without tasting it first. Ugh
When I cook, my husband cleans. He usually cleans, anyway. But he enjoys cleaning (has told me so, genuinely, on several occasions). He does most of the cleaning, laundry, and childcare at home, as he's disabled, and doesn't work. I'm the breadwinner. I'm also neurodivergent, and he knows how exhausting the world can be for me. So when I come home, he wants me to rest, while he takes care of me. I have a winner. 😊❤️ I do make a bit of a mess sometimes, when I cook. But I try to at least wipe the counters (and any spills), rinse the dishes I use, and stack them neatly in the sink, lol.
I'm a great cook. My ex mil was not a good cook. So everytime I cooked my ex would say don't make that again. Before I left him I was making hamburger helper 5 days a week. He had also heard that you put spices in your cooking at the end. I could not get him to understand that was for fresh spices not dried. His spaghetti sauce was can of tomato sauce heated then spices thrown in for about 2 mins (dried spices) then served it over noodles. It was horrible. But he thought it was the most fantastic meal. Note: red flag for relationships and cooking if they put ketchup on something before even tasting it they didn't grow up eating or learning to cook food with flavor. My ex and ex-mil both would put ketchup on their food before tasting when mil cooked. I never understood till the first time I ate her cooking. Bad just plain bad cooking. Roast cooked on a top of the stove. Not oven not crock pot. In a fry pan. Nope
My ex-husband did so many weird things on our first date that should have been red flags but I somehow overlooked them. No regrets as I can't imagine my world wo my children. Not food related but for starters he would not tell me where we were going and told me to dress casual. I asked what casual was to him, he said Jeans wo holes and clean sneakers. Ok fine. I was nicely dressed but he showed up in a suit and tie and I was very under dressed for the restaurant. Then the reservation was in my name. He made it but used me name. But the biggest thing was when he ordered he asked that every item he placed on it own plate as apparently he did not like his foods to touch! He also ate one plate at a time until it was done. So all the meat then all the potatoes then all the veggies. I was young and thought it was weird but funny. It was a huge read flag hitting me in my naive face. When someone shows you who they are believe them!
Not disagreeing with you on the other stuff, but the seprate plate thing could be a sensory issues thing. Even if it wasn't for him, it often is, in general. I have sensory issues, and I don't like certain foods touching, because the juices from one change the taste/texture of another. I have divided plates at home, lol. I don't always ask for seprate plates, at a restaurant. But if I'm getting something that has a lot.of juices, like a steak, I will politely ask that my fries be served separately.
Load More Replies... About 40 years ago, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner. He asked that I start the cooking while he showered. He had something I'd never seen before called Hamburger Helper. So I browned the beef and was draining the grease when he returned. He asked what I was doing. He had apparently never bothered removing excess grease from ground beef before.
Hair! And over reacting! And all the variety of this. The fine line from tolerating "that one hair found once", to "every single time" "in every damn plate", to "demanding that you should get dressed like an astronaut every time you cook because of this one incident two years ago"
my red flag: person only liked really bland food, like plain rice. I mean, food is life. If you're going to do that then why bother living at all?
Autism, mate. Pretty rude to say someone shouldn't live because they prefer plainer food tastes.
Load More Replies... #14. I don't see this as a red flag. For example, I hate mayonnaise (and most other sauces) in sandwiches to the extent I'd rather starve than eat it. And simply requesting no mayo in the sandwich from fast food places doesn't work, most times they ignore the request and I end up with mayo in a sandwich I won't eat. I've had to specify I'm allergic to mayo in order for them to get my order correct. #36. He sounds like a huge a*****e tbh. His wife cooks dinner and has to see about a baby and he's complaining that the cleanliness of the place isn't up to his standards? Taking care of a child and dinner is absolutely not easy work. How hard is is to pitch in help instead of complaining. Working doesn't excuse anything when it's also your child, your household and your dinner.
How are most of these red flags? Most of these problems seem to stem from people never having been corrected, maybe never having anyone teach them. Did they at least TRY to talk about how to treat the knives, or how to season things, before judging the other person? I am glad for people who are brought up to know "everything" about cooking, but isn't the worst Red flag for a relationship when the person who CAN won't teach/help out the person who CAN'T? Otherwise, it's just a matter of superiority and prejudice.
I was using my nice little paring knife to debone some meat. A few days later I couldn't find the knife and realized I tossed it in the trash with the scraps I removed. I dug through the trash until I found the stinking mass of slimy decaying fat and found my knife. Took a while to clean the handle. Wife thought I was nuts, but I like that little knife.
