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Some people need to learn to mind their own business instead of putting their noses into other people’s affairs all the time. That’s what Jaclene Paolucci, aka Twitter user Diamond_Jax, suggested in a thoroughly witty thread where she shared how she shut down someone giving unsolicited pregnancy advice with a sassy comeback.

Other women pitched in with their own examples of great comebacks that were bound to make anyone listening in say to themselves, ‘That had to hurt!’ Have a read through some of the funniest quips below, upvote the ones that made you chuckle, and if you’ve ever been in a similar situation, tell us all about your sassiness in the comment section.

"I've discovered that if you want unsolicited advice, then you should get pregnant," Jaclene told the BBC. "It feels like the moment you do get pregnant, then you lose your body's autonomy. People start touching you and everybody has an opinion on how you should act, what you should wear—everything. The only people who should be able to do that should be you and your doctor."

There's hardly anyone better to talk to about witty comebacks than British comedy writer Ariane Sherine. I had a chat with her about how to react to unsolicited pregnancy comebacks and why people believe that they can hand out advice left, right, and center the moment they spot someone who is pregnant. Scroll down for Bored Panda's interview with the comedy genius.

More info: Twitter | Blog

#2

Receiving-Unsolicited-Pregnancy-Advice-Women-Comebacks

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denzoren
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never understood the stigma with breastfeeding. It's a baby...she's feeding her baby. Most women do it so discretely you don't even know unless you're blatantly staring.

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Comedy writer Ariane, who has a daughter herself, told me that she completely agrees that it feels like a woman's body autonomy flies out the window the moment she gets pregnant. "It’s almost as though when a woman’s pregnant, she becomes everyone else’s property. Maybe all these pregnancy experts have emerged because everyone’s known a pregnant woman, however tenuously?" the told Bored Panda.

"Added to which, most of the advice is rubbish. I was told ‘you’ll have to eat for two now,’ took it too literally and put on five stone (the baby doesn’t actually need any extra calories until the third trimester!)," the comedy expert pointed out that rubbish advice can have serious effects on your body if you follow them blindly. Remember, Pandas, always, always, always double and triple-check facts. Especially from random strangers and the internet.

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Viviane
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good plan - you want trustworthy folks when you give birth on the trapeze.

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A.J Milne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here in Namibia, if you do that, you've 25% chance of getting stabbed. No joke

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Lora Mad
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe they're just complimenting your looks? Some people do that.

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According to Ariane, humor is a wonderful tool when it comes to defusing tension and anger. "Humor’s always great as it can defuse the situation, plus it has the advantage that you’re less likely to get angry. It’s hard enough being pregnant without feeling defensive and upset too," she said.

However, I was also interested to hear Ariane's take on what someone who's pregnant should do if it's not just random strangers but loved ones who keep giving unsolicited advice. It's far more difficult to create boundaries with family, friends, and coworkers than it is with people on the street.

"Witty comebacks are fab if you can think of one, but if not, a simple and heartfelt statement like, ‘Look, I know you mean well and want the best for me, and I appreciate that, but my doctor has a different opinion to you and I’m following their advice’ should work," the comedy expert told Bored Panda that simple honesty is best in such cases.

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Hans
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Instead of "current news item" you could also have used "the distrust in the ability of caring fathers".

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A simple fact of life is that there will always be plenty of people who think they know what’s better for you than, well, you. Or a medical professional that these moms were bound to have spoken to about their own dietary needs. These random people might even have good intentions, but without knowing more context about the mom they’re speaking to, they can come across as pushy and even arrogant.

Each woman’s body is unique and different, so you should speak to your doctor about what foods and drinks you should avoid while carrying your baby. However, there are some general guidelines on what to avoid.

For instance, the NHS points out that you can still have caffeine but you should limit yourself to no more than 200 mg per day. For reference, there’s about 100 mg of caffeine in a cup of instant coffee and 40 mg in a can of soda.

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

True story: I go to work everyday with a very large bottle were i have a big portion of coffee! I had a nosy colleague that thought it was her business to tell me i drink too much coffee (please for your own safety don't say these things to people that didn't have their coffee yet first thing in the morning). I told her it was just vodka so i can handle the idiots and she shut up!

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Another question that gets debated a lot is whether or not (and how much) pregnant women can drink alcohol while pregnant. The NHS unequivocally suggests that “the safest approach is to not drink alcohol at all,” meanwhile, the CDC says that “there is no known safe amount of alcohol use during pregnancy.”

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However, Harvard Health Publishing notes that small amounts of alcohol during the first trimester may not cause any issues down the line. Still, the health of you and your baby is a very serious, complicated question, so it’s always best to have a chat with your doctor and ask for their take on what you should do.

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Joe Reaves
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or when you are their doctor and it is relevant to the medical procedure you are about to perform/drugs you are prescribing. Which coincidentally is also the only time it's any of your damn business.

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Daria B
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Oh, don't you know? Amazon delivers babies now, too. Brought to your home carefully by a drone" ♡

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Ross Warren
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was picking up some formula from the store on my way home from work when the woman who was behind me in line made a comment about how much better breast milk is when I turned to her and said, "Thanks lady, but in case you didn't notice; I don't exactly have the right glands for the job".

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Amelia Bedelia
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 13, my 3 year old sister decided it was funny to call me Mama out in public. The looks I got were great.

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Francesca Annoni
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once a scolded an unknown Old lady..she grabbed an hand of my 6 m.o old baby.. and was trying to kiss the hand "but I'm not kissing him on the cheek!and I'm not sick.." "you know what Is the first thing a baby put in his mouth? His hand.."

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Marno Cameron
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's like the old joke where woman 1 says, "I got this 24pk of beer for my husband." and woman 2 smiles and says, "Good trade!"

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Katy McMouse
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Natural"? Really? Until they figure out how to make eggs and sperm in a laboratory, all babies are natural.

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juice
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2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

(he was referring to her boobs, not actual babies)

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BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I want twins one day and if this ever happens to me I'm going to say, "Actually, neither. I found them in the playground one day and decided to take them home."

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in.love.with.taylor.swift
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i’m a twin and people would ask my mom all the time “are they both yours” and she used to tell them it was buy 1 get 1 free at the hospital

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Lisa Shelton
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's fine for a woman to have alcohol in moderation when pregnant. The reason doctors say not to have any is because there are those who don't know what moderation is and drink to excess with the excuse that the doctor said it was okay.

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Colin L
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the first time I've heard of this.... and we all have an Eric. Thank you.

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Rukkia
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate that. I have stomach issues, and sometimes my belly is flat, and other times I look about 8 months pregnant. I wear stretchy pants due to this, and it can be a matter of two minutes after I eat something before I expand to full size.

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#30

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Marno Cameron
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Husband: "I also have a twin brother." Let the stranger sit on that wrinkle to their rudeness.

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