“Having kids wouldn’t suit my lifestyle or personality type,” says a Redditor. “Kids require more engagement than I have mental capacity for,” another one adds. Both of these — and many more — are valid reasons not to have kids. And even though as much as one in five adults simply don’t want children, some people might still wonder why.
The user ilovenosycats relied on the AskReddit community to find some answers on why you shouldn’t have kids, and people were open about their opinions and experiences. Some of them shared sharp remarks, while others provided more complex and personal reasons not to have children, all of which you will find on this list.
Bored Panda has reached out to the u/iovenosycats, and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. Scroll down to find her thoughts on the topic below.
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I don’t want to be a parent. That’s a perfectly valid reason.
This! Pure and simple. I don’t want to be a parent. Parenting a child does not interest me.
Why Are More Couples Choosing Not To Have Kids?
In recent times, the decision to forgo parenthood has been increasingly prevalent among couples, and it reflects a blend of economic concerns, societal shifts, and personal considerations.
The rising cost of living presents a significant problem. The financial challenge begins right from childbirth — in the US, the average new mother with insurance additionally spends around $2,854 on labor, delivery, and post-partum care.
Changes in societal norms also play a part. A notable portion of modern adults now have no interest in having children, indicating a shift in societal attitudes toward childlessness. Additionally, environmental concerns, especially climate change, have begun influencing some couples’ decisions on parenthood, together with health issues and career aspirations.
This shift towards delaying or opting out of parenthood is further highlighted by demographic projections. In Australia, for example, it’s projected that couples without children will soon outnumber those with children and become the most common family type.
As we delve into the insights shared by u/ilovenosycats and the reasons to not have kids that the AskReddit community kindly provided, it becomes apparent that the decision to have children can be particularly complex.
Sleep. I love sleep. I get up when I'm being paid to get up but otherwise my great and immediate joy is sleeping until I don't feel like sleeping anymore. I much prefer sleep to children.
I'm not a big sleeper, but i prefer to be doing something I enjoy while not sleeping.
I just dont feel like I want it badly enough, and one should really want to have a child in order to be able to give their 100% as a parent, every child deserves that
I like this. If I were to have a kid, I definitely wouldn't be 100% into it, I don't think I'd be able to give them all a good parent should.
I just don't like them. I don't even like being around them.
Ilovenosycats revealed to Bored Panda the main reason behind her post. “I asked the question because I was curious, of course…” she said. “I was expecting people to tell me that they can't ‘afford’ to have children (I think many people wrote that — it’s a sad reason that needs to be solved by society).
“But there are, of course, many other reasons (good reasons), like health issues that won't allow people to have children. I wanted to learn about those reasons just to see if they reflect my own personal background... But honestly, I also wanted to see how many people would be triggered to give an opposite reaction. People that were hateful at people that can't have/don't want to have children…” the OP explained.
1. The whole process seems incredibly painful and difficult.
2. I'd f**k my kids up. I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style as a result of my toxic parents. I wouldn't be able to properly parent.
3. I'm incredibly inpatient and would change my mind 3 months in, if I even made it through the whole pregnancy.
4. I want freedom. Having kids means being available and responsible. I am not and will not be these things. I wanna live for *me*, live to enjoy life, and I most definitely won't enjoy having kids.
5. The world is overpopulated and f****d. I don't see any point in bringing more people to this world.
I have more reasons but these are my top 5.
Kids are great if you don’t like money or sleep
Over 50 years ago, my husband and I decided not to have children but, despite being on the pill, we conceived and were not about to abort our son, the first of our 3 children. Although we have been extremely happy as parents, I cannot say with absolute certainty that we would not have been equally happy otherwise. You don't know what you don't know, right? Many of our friends have no children and apparently feel no regrets. There are joys to be found in both lifestyles. Still, my grandmother's (born 1902) words still resonate that it can be awfully lonely in old age NOT to have children and grandchildren in your life. I am now reaping the benefits of a growing family. Circumstances vary widely. We all try to make the best decisions we can based on the information and feelings we have at the time. I think the important thing to remember is that there is more than one way to be happy and fulfilled in life.
I'm old and successfully avoided having kids.
My great-great-grandmother abused and abandoned her son, my great-grandfather, who left England at age 14 and came to America.
My great-grandfather then married, had kids, and abused and abandoned them when they were less than 10 years old.
My grandfather was one of those three, and he married and had many children, which he treated as servants or slaves, or spoiled pets. He abandoned my grandmother and left her with a dozen children.
One of those children was my father, a miserably unhappy and angry man, who abused me and my siblings, self-destructed and died young.
In the four preceding generations of my family, there were zero examples of good parenting, and nearly everyone seemed to bitterly regret having children.
I realized I had a very good chance of perpetuating more abuse and abandonment, and chose to make very certain I would not have children.
Generational abuse is quite common. Too many people overconfidently think they will *never* treat their children the way they were treated.
I was sixteen when I realized that if being a mother meant being like my mother (and her mother), then I wanted nothing to do with it.
“I wasn’t aware how controversial that topic is,” the author of the post said. “I tried reading all the answers; some were heartbreaking, some were reflecting what I experienced myself. Some answers were surprisingly aggressive — I think we all connect emotions to that topic.”
The Redditor opened up about her personal experience and told Bored Panda she doesn’t have kids herself. “Having children for me personally was never a consideration for many reasons. As for many people, the economic situation led me to focus on my job. There simply wouldn’t have been time to even think about it.” In addition, u/Ilovenosycats revealed that she has health issues and wouldn’t want genetics to affect her child.
I'm a teacher. Why the hell would I spend 8 hours a day with children only to come home to more??
I have no interest in being a parent, never really have. To me it's always looked miserable, plus the idea of being pregnant and what it can do to your mind and body is stomach churning. Having kids wouldn't suit my lifestyle or personality type. Plus climate change is happening and will likely continue to get worse. Basically every reason not to resonates with me so I didn't list them all just my top ones.
Having kids just takes a lot, a lot that I don't want to give. And I am terrified of the idea of losing my future wife because of pregnancy, a lot can go wrong and I don't want that.
I just never had a desire for it. I knew when I was seven years old that I didn't want to be a mom, it just filled me with a feeling of dread. Didn't need to articulate why, I just didn't want it.
As an adult, I can point out a few things like my preferred lifestyle doesn't include kids, I wouldn't want to give up my career, and that the very concept of pregnancy and child birth is horrifying to me. I'm glad other women are capable of it, but I absolutely am not.
And I got sterilized right before I turned 30, so I can live my life with one less worry.
Is It Natural Not to Have Kids?
The notion of whether it’s natural or not to have children often intertwines with societal expectations and biological inclinations. Some argue the “biological clock” in women, triggering an enhanced awareness of reproduction in their 30s, is a sign of natural selection at work.
However, the modern era presents a different landscape where the decision to have children extends beyond mere biological instincts.
Society often views parenthood as a natural progression post-marriage. Yet, an increasing number of individuals and couples are challenging this narrative by being child-free by choice.
Moreover, the evolving understanding of gender roles and family structures contributes to the broadening perspectives on childlessness. Traditionally seen as the primary caregivers, women now have more avenues to explore identities beyond motherhood. Similarly, men also engage in a wider range of roles within and outside the family.
On a broader spectrum, the concept of what constitutes a “natural” life choice is being re-evaluated. The option not to have children is gaining recognition as a valid and natural decision, aligning with individual autonomy and the diverse pathways to leading a fulfilling life.
I just don’t want them. Nothing about being a parent is interesting or attractive to me.
"I just don't want them" should be the only thing people need to hear to back off of anyone who wishes to remain childfree
Clean house, financial comfort, ability to travel/leave the house whenever we want to.
Kids are so restricting, I don't like the idea of losing all my freedom so I can tend to a loud, gross, needy child. Children aren't bad, I just can't imagine that.
It's pure egoism. Objectivly.
**You** want a child
**You** want family
**You** always wanted to see **yourself** in little.
**You** want to fulfill **yourself** a dream **you** always had to reproduce
**You** want to feel good.
**You** want a child that makes **You** happy.
**You** don't want to be alone.
**You** want someone to be there when **youy** come back home.
It's always you you you.....
It's never about the child. If it's not about you, why don't you adopt an already existing child, instead of creating a new one?
The future your child will live in will be now one of the first generations that will live worse than you did. And it will continue this way.
Why do you want people suffering only to feel good for yourself until you die? But they have to keep living in the mess you put them in after you death.
As u/ilovenosycats shared with Bored Panda, societal expectations often place undue pressure on individuals, especially women, regarding childbearing.
“In our society, there is that attitude — that expectation — that women should have children,” she told Bored Panda. “I think every woman has been in such a situation at one point or another — pressure from family, friends, and then you are exposed to colleagues. Everyone questions you; why no children? What is wrong with you? I personally was even asked about my sexual orientation…”
Be that as it may, the Redditor supports those who decide to have kids. “If people make the choice to have children, I feel happy for them. They have all my support. Where I live, I pay extra taxes so that they have benefits that help them raise their children. I wish that was the case in all other countries because children are our future — no doubt about it.”
I think the correct question is "why would you want to have a kid?"
I would feel guilty bringing another human into this f****d up world.
There is not a single thing in my life that would improve by having kids. I don't get the urge. I don't get the question. No hate, but the decision to have a child makes no sense to me. Pure insanity.
Are There Benefits to Not Having Children?
When thinking about why not to have kids, there’s actually a variety of benefits that often get brushed under the rug.
- Financial Freedom: Less financial burden with fewer expenses, enabling more disposable income for travel, investments, or hobbies.
- Personal Independence: More freedom in making life choices without considering the impact on a child, leading to a more spontaneous lifestyle, allowing for last-minute plans and fewer daily obligations.
- Better Work-Life Balance: More time to balance professional and personal pursuits without the responsibilities of parenthood.
- Stronger Relationships: Some couples find that their relationships strengthen without the added stress and responsibilities of parenthood. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Walker from Psychology Today states, “Marital satisfaction rates plummet after the birth of the first child.”
- Mental and Physical Health: Lower stress levels and potentially fewer health issues over time due to fewer day-to-day challenges associated with raising a child.
- Flexibility to Pursue Passions: More freedom to engage in interests and self-improvement.
These benefits collectively contribute to a life of personal fulfillment and freedom that a child-free choice can offer. Among these advantages, financial freedom stands out, leading to a pretty valid question — just how much money can one save by not having kids?
I don't like anything about being a parent.
I wish mav mav would elaborate more. Personally im gay and even I sometimes get slightly curious as to what it'd be like, which is only natural . Doesn't mean i ever want it though
I can barely look after myself let alone a kid
How Much Money You Save by Not Having Kids?
Having a child definitely comes with a price tag. From the moment they arrive to the day they step out on their own, the costs stack up. Healthcare, schooling, groceries, clothing, and all the everyday essentials can sum up to a hefty amount.
According to a US Department of Agriculture report, it costs an estimated $233,610 to raise a child from birth to age 17. This figure doesn't even include the cost of college education, which can add tens of thousands of dollars to the total. Moreover, these estimates often understate the actual cost as they don't account for inflation or unexpected expenses.
On the flip side, individuals or couples who choose not to have children can redirect these funds toward savings, investments, travel, home ownership, retirement, or other financial goals. The economic freedom gained from not having children can provide a sense of security, allow for more comfortable living, and offer the opportunity to pursue personal and financial aspirations without the constraints of child-related expenses.
1. Kids are expensive, I'd rather travel.
2. Kids are messy, and I spend enough time cleaning as is.
3. Kids are loud, I prefer quiet or music (of my own choosing) that I can actually hear.
4. Kids require more engagement than I have mental capacity for. I can handle a dog, that's about it.
5. Kids produce a lot of smells, and I am sensitive to bad smells.
6. My sleep schedule is already f****d from ADHD (I'm on the 1am-8am schedule) and I don't need kids making it worse.
7. ADHD is a curse and I'm not passing it on. Same goes for my garbage spine.
8. I don't want to have to explain to someone I love how my generation could have failed them so badly in not stopping climate change from making the planet unlivable.
9. Same as 8 but for working conditions and the economy.
10. Pregnancy looks like it sucks, and while I'm a man and wouldn't have to endure it, I don't want to put anyone else through it.
ugh the spine thing. my mom feels guilty for my spine problems and i would hate to make a kid feel bad like i have if i pass it on.
I have OCD and trauma that would be entirely overwhelmed by a child. Children deserve to be annoying, gross, messy, and to have fun. I would not be able to foster an environment where a small child had the freedom to have fun without feeling bad about themself. Children are annoying but they’re supposed to be. It would be unfair for me to have a child that I know would overstimulate me. You don’t get breaks from being a parent and I just don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.
I would perhaps like to adopt or foster older children one day. I think I could help someone have a very nice life. I’d also like to give a child the adult guidance I needed and never had.
Overall I think I’m more suited to be a cool uncle. I love kids and feel like they represent the best parts of personhood — love, trust, freedom of self expression without shame. I just don’t think I’d be a good fit for small kids long term. My own desires to nurture another don’t overpower the personal limitations I hold, I believe that would be selfish. On a personal level, I would also be horrified if I had a child with the same disorders that I have. I know the struggles and pains of growing up mentally ill and mistreated, and I never hope to make another person feel that way.
Why do I plan not to have children? Well...
*unrolls a list that's miles long*
I don't see the upsides
I love these conversations. They are only relevant to my generation onwards (I'm old.) Up to the 60s, this question never arose, because if you married and had sex, you were going to have children, if you were both fertile. If you didn't like children - tough. But, of course, those were also the days when you didn't have your children underfoot all day. They played outside. Today's American culture of child raising would definitely have made me not want children either, and "the pill" was JUST becoming available as I was almost grown.
Will I Regret Not Having Kids?
The idea of future regret can be a big worry when thinking about whether to have kids. But times are changing, and so are people’s attitudes toward parenthood. Although there isn't a precise study on childless individuals expressing regret, we can still peek into what the available insights tell us.
A Pew Research poll shows a growing number of non-parents leaning toward not having children at all. Nearly half of non-parents aged 18-49 now think it’s unlikely they’ll step into parenthood, a sentiment that’s been growing over the past few years.
Things get interesting when we look at parents who actually regret having kids, which is another hush-hush topic by itself. Data from YouGov reveals a range of feelings among parents: while a massive 83% of British parents say they’ve never felt regret, a small but significant number, about one in twelve parents (8%), admit to feeling regret, with another 6% saying they’ve felt it in the past.
Expanding the view, a 2021 study published in PLOS ONE, with data from the US and Europe, finds that between 8-17% of parents regret having children.
The feeling, whether it comes from having or not having children, is complex and personal. While there’s a chance of regret either way, the growing conversation around this life-altering choice creates a more open, understanding space for people to figure out their own paths.
Some people would say "selfishness" because really, my reason is : I'm not disillusioned and I don't romanticize parenthood, I don't want to make all the sacrifices that comes with being a parent. Little to no free time, insane patience is required, money and much more. I don't want to lose my life for the sake of something else. I'm already burnt out from working all the time at ridiculous schedule, when I come home, I want my day to be over, not for it to be "round two" of my day.
Also, lets not talk about all the bodily sacrifices I'd have to make. Pregnancy wrecks your body, sometime permanently. It's not smooth sailing for everyone. Some people have debilitating nausea. Stretch marks, hips change position permanently after giving birth (not necessarily painful but thats a permanent change you can't go back from). Loosing pregnancy weight when you have baby to to take care off, lack of sleep, baby stress, etc all things that goes against you when trying to lose weight. And even if you manage to drop the weight, you body has change, the belly will have a different shape and no amount of loosing weight can bring you back to how you were before. Some people have permanent bladder issues after having kids : sneeze pee or some level of incontinence. Vaginal tearing during birth. After pregnancy hormones breasts tends to not return to normal and becomes saggy for some people. There's a risk of abdominal muscles stretch. I could go on and on. I'm not going through that for the sake of anyone.
I'm just not that kind of person who think a hug compensate for every other c**p you have to go through. An A on a test doesn't pay the bills, a hug doesn't erase the fact you just screamed at the top of you lungs for the last 10 minutes trying to get me to buy you sometging. I don't have it in me to be a parent. That's all. Normal kids behavior makes me want to toss them out of a moving car. I don't care if it's normal, it's annoying. I don't need an extra dose of annoying in my life. I don't care if "it's different went the kid is yours" I don't care about blood relations, I don't care about countinuing the family name, all those things are not worth years of suffering and sacrifices.
So this story is TMI just as a heads up. So skip if you aren’t interested in a birth complication! When I gave birth to my son he twisted his body as he came out which caused significant tearing. (See? Feel free to stop here). The doc spent far more time (like a solid hour) sewing me up after I gave birth than actually delivering my child. Inside and out. The outside tear is very common; however my body didn’t heal like it was supposed to. So part of the stitching for the tear held and part didn’t resulting in a hole. Like if you zip up a jacket but somehow the bottom and top are zipped but it’s split in the middle. Fun right? So I had to then get an additional surgery to recut it open and restitch it closed again. (Here’s also a good spot to stop because here is much more TMI). Everything is all healed now but I have scars that change my… texture? we’ll call it texture. At least my husband says so. (Made it to the end? Well, aren’t you brave!)
Would rather help an existing life be better through adoption than to create another one. As well as not pass down my less than optimal genetics
I love the idea of adopting and it worries me. I have a son (biological) and I do worry I’ll feel differently if I adopt. I would feel like a hugely awful parent if I felt differently about two of my children because one was blood. And I would be a hugely awful parent if I ever let my child feel that difference. I would still love and protect them fiercely though.
Does a Child Make You Happier?
The age-old question of whether having children makes you happier isn't one with a simple yes or no answer — but let’s unpack what we know so far.
Research has shown a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to parenthood. On one side, having kids can bring immense joy, unconditional love, and a sense of fulfillment. Some studies suggest that people with children report being happier, more satisfied, and find more meaning in life than non-parents do. On the flip side, it also comes with challenges like sleep deprivation, financial strain, and less personal time, which can, at times, overshadow the joys of parenthood.
Several studies have looked into the happiness quotient of parents versus non-parents. Some indicate that parents experience higher levels of happiness and satisfaction, while others find no significant difference or even a dip in happiness levels post-parenthood.
In the grand scheme of things, whether or not having children makes you happier boils down to personal values, circumstances, and the support systems in place.
Cost of raising a kid, and the lifelong stress of raising a kid.
*gestures vaguely around myself* Um?
Also I have illnesses that could pass on to my offspring. And I'd never wish manic depression coupled with addictive tendencies on anyone, let alone watch my child suffer through it.
I am autistic and I've often felt miserable during my life. Life is hard, and society is not great with us. I don't want another one to get through it. On top of the other reasons (climate, wars, pandemics...) . I don't believe anymore in humans. It won't get better. I got myself sterilized last month.
To quote Homer Simpson “aww I have 3 kids and no money. I wish I had 3 money and no kids”
I like my lifestyle. I am starting a “college fund, but instead of paying for a 3year degree I’m going to blow it on a looooonnngggg vacation
Mav Mav commenting on every post: “What does not having the desire or ability to be a loving, dedicated parent have to do with your decision about having kids?”
Because I am scared of being a bad parent. I can't bring a life in this world just to screw it. Thanks for f*****g me up Narc dad.
Giving birth have some risk. And I don't want to risk my wife for child I don't even actually want.
Why should I have kids anyway ?
Autism. I'm autistic, my older brother has traits and our dad does too. I've been told it "isn't as genetic as I think" but that's not the only thing stopping me. There's anxiety and depression spanning three generations on my dad's side and I've got the anxiety and maybe depression. There's three auto immune diseases as well, rheumatoid arthritis with my mom and my late paternal grandmother, there's sjogrens disease with my mother and her sister has MS. And both my and my brother have displayed a couple of symptoms of sjogrens at times. And im terrified that my niece will end up with one of those f*****g auto immune diseases. But yeah having a kid is apparently the most wonderful thing you could or some s**t, idk. Did I mention the couple of different cancers? I'll have to double check which ones but at the end of the day, I'm not having kids.
I am autistic. I have friends who are also autistic. One has two kids on the spectrum, both with more challenges than she had. The other has one of each, ASD and NT. The ASD child has more challenges than my friends had. I can barely keep myself functional, I didn’t think it wise to possibly give birth to a child with more challenges than I had/have, especially when I was younger.
Because I don’t want to. Love kids, they’re adorable and all, but no thanks.
Have you seen the world we live in? Global warming, wars, idiots ... Not bringing a child into a world like this.
@boatswain doesn't sound like they're the martyr at all. I'd say it's mostly parents that act the martyr
Because it‘s excruciating for the body, and for your physical/emotional/hormonal/financial health. It makes your life harder for AT LEAST 18 years. And you can‘t gurantee that you‘ll be good enough for the child.
As a parent of a special needs child who will live with us forever, I have to say be prepared just in case. We thought 18, college and they would be on their own. We love them to death but since we and our siblings are older and only a few in the next generation of the family we are worried what comes after us. And your night about the changes to your body. So be sure you want to be a parent before you are. It’s a forever job.
because kids are basically money-sucking vacuum cleaners with legs
It might be selfish but life is short, I don’t want to sacrifice 1/4 of it raising kids. And then when you finally get rid of the kids it’s the grandkids getting dumped on you
I have a hard time letting the dog out sometimes so I know I'm not going to feel like doing s**t for the kid. Too selfish
Whenever I see women give their reason for being childless, they always reference how it would negatively impact on THEIR lives.. (which I definitely relate to so no shade)
But despite the fact that I would hate being a mother.. I still don't hate the idea of having a kid someday. I've always sort of pictured myself with one.
The reason I'm not gonna do it is for the child's sake.
No kid deserves to be stuck with me as their mother for life.
I know how I feel about my mother.. and I share all of her flaws and none of her coping skills. My kid would hate me and I would deserve it. This kid is pretty much guaranteed emotional instability and consequential trauma that I won't be able to control 100% of the time.
And to consciously bring that kid into this pre-apocalyptic world of nonsensical tyranny?? This child would be a mess on the inside and on the outside.
Pass.
Not exactly the same but the closest so far. I'm autistic and very likely to have autistic kids since the ND is strong in my family (both sides). And I believe that a NT kid would be miserable with me. Life is harsh, exhausting, I can barely cope myself. The world is burning. I don't want to bring a new human being into this world. We forked it up. I don't want to bring a new ND kid into this society. I don't want kids (and acted on it) because I don't want to bring a new human being into this world for them to feel miserable.
Having kids is just too expensive
It is. We found ways to make due, but it was always a struggle. We actually have a little disposable cash now that we are empty nesters.
I like my life exactly like it is. Kids might make it better. They might make it worse. But, since this is awesome, I’m great with things staying the way they are.
Infertility. We tried for years I wanted nothing more than to be a mother but it just didn’t happen. But though this process we have realized we really enjoy our no kids lifestyle. So as of now if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t by the time I’m 40 we will adopt…maybe.
Infertility! I am 90% ok never getting to be a mom. 80% ok knowing by picking me, my husband will never be a dad. For all the above things people have said, I’m mostly ok being dual income, no kids, lots of sleep. But I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% ok with it.
Both I and the woman who would have been their mom are not mentally fit to be parents. Our house would not be a good place to grow up. We also have some bad physical traits that are best left out of the genepool.
Bringing someone into this world is cruel
Unless one is prepared to explain this cruelty to a child (at appropriate age), this should be considered! I have seen so many people just plain lie to their children at crucial moments.. it's insane
I'm living this life for me. I can go and do whatever I want, whenever I want, without thinking of anyone else and it doesn't impact anyone else whatsoever. Absolute freedom. Then there's the costs. Then there's the world going to s**t. Unless I can 100% guarantee they will be successful, healthy and happy, that's a No-Go for me.
Well, I can tell you with 100% certainty that they will fail at something at sometimes, they will be sick or injured at sometime, and they will be sad, angry, scared, etc and not happy at sometimes. That is life. But they will also have successes, joys, and wonderful things too. As I told my kid’s little league coach, we don’t need to protect them from being upset, we need to give them the space to be upset and learn to get through it with whatever level of support they need. We were talking about if every kid bats every inning or if we play the 3 outs or 5 runs rule. Team is 6-8 yos. Now, when my kid played at 3 and 4, he absolutely needed no strike outs, no outs, everyone bats, everyone scores. But 6 to 8? They are capable of learning to manage their emotions.
1. I'm not ready financially, emotionally, physically, mentally capable and any other aspects right there
2. I am single, never been in a relationship, and currently no plans of having one. If I'll find for my parther, we should agree on the fact that we might choose not to have kids.
3. I am still spoiling my inner child. I need to focus on making myself better first
4. Even if I became the best parent in the world, giving everything to my child, I think the world isn't that sustainable anymore. You can give the best parenting method to your child but pollution, bad influence, discrimination, accidents, war, and potential pandemics will just make you think that this isn't the perfect place to live anymore
I like #3 "still spoiling my inner child". I grew up rather poor. Now my finances are ok so I spoil myself all the time. I want to keep doing that.
Full transparency, and being a bit vulnerable here, it’s actually a combination of several things:
1) It’s hard to determine a consistent sense of self with the way American society is so fast paced now for me, and I cannot imagine having to navigate someone I’m responsible for through the world to help them determine their own sense of self
2) I’d think it would be selfish of me to produce a kid with the genes I’ve gotten from my family (bipolar depressive disorder, ADHD, heart disease, etc.) and then have them suffer through that stuff
3) I still struggle with my insecurities regarding my intelligence and knowledge basis on finances, household maintenance, car repairs, and consistency in my own life routines where I get a sense of fulfillment, so ineptitude essentially
4) I cannot afford that idea right now and likely won’t be able to because I don’t per se put a premium on the accumulation of capital and financial resources, nor do I necessarily want to
5) I read the 3 prominent Stoic philosophy texts by Seneca, Aurelius, and Epictetus and routinely they mentioned the things we “own” owning us due to the upkeep required for these “things”, and I hate the idea of being indebted to or forced to submit myself to anything really and daily have problems coming to grips with needing to do this to “play nice” in society at large
Sorry, it seems like I ranted there…
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We’ve sifted through a lot of thoughts and facts, and now we’d love to hear from you! Are you nodding along with some points or shaking your head at others? Whatever your take, drop a comment below and share your perspective. Your voice adds color to this ongoing conversation, and we’re here for it!
I constantly thank the feminists of previous generations: They made it possible and legal to know about contraception and how to use it. I can relate to many of the original posters.
If you are in the US the Republicans are very quickly eroding those rights
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Because there s immense social pressure on women in particular to have kids
Load More Replies... even when i was younger i knew i never wanted to birth a child. adoption, maybe, when they're older. but i don't want to risk passing on various disorders cause of my genetics. and i don't want to waste half my life with a child i can't guarantee i will be able to stick it out with.
I'm a childfree person and I am just not interested and I think caregiving is kind of stressful and sucks. Another reason not mentioned here is having to deal with other parents. Sure there are good parents were it would be great to be friends with them and have the kids be friends. But it seems like being a conspiracy theory wackjob is acceptable. So I imagine it would suck if your kid had a real medical condition and couldn't get vaccines and there's all these plague rats running around. And what do you do if your kid is good friends with another kid, but then their parents are nutjobs who think the 5G is mind-controlling them. So having kids increases the likelihood of having to interact with weirdos.
I don’t have kids. I don’t hate kids. I just generally dislike them. I don’t wish them ill will. I just wish they’d live their lives away from me.
I'm just not the kind of person who's cut out for it, really. But I love my little nephew. One look at him and I was like "I WOULD DIE FOR THIS KID". And as a matter of fact, a while ago on this site I mentioned that said nephew was expecting a younger sibling and I was just positive it was going to be a girl. People said hey let us know how it turns out and well...
Congrats on becoming an aunt to a little girl (I assume!). I've a nephew I adore too. He's an adult now but I loved looking after him when he was small. I did want children when I was late teens/early 20s but always 'later' and then the desire just trickled away, funnily enough. So people couldn't say to me 'oh, you'll change your mind' as I already had!
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"Having children is giving hostages to fortune." When I was fourteen, my father died suddenly leaving a wife, five children, and a pension stolen by his employer. I suspect that was the day I stopped thinking about becoming a father.
People used to look at me with pity as I couldn't conceive and the notion was you would never find true happiness unless you did have a babby. My BIL chastised my husband because I would not go through all the c**p they went through to have baby #4. He felt a foot needed putting down. I was just fine without .
My eldest sister never got pregnant despite choosing to try. She positively rejected the idea of going for IVF as she didn't want it to end up being something she had to work so hard for, the constant hope and then if it all ended up in failure. The percentage that is successful on first attempt is 55%. The failure rate was too high for her to risk putting all that hope into it. For some people acceptance that it's not meant to be is the easier option.
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I did not have the greatest of luck in genes from either of my parents(siblings avoided it lol). Bad knees with a slight risk of cancer, epilepsy, learning problems, mental health issue, scared of carring something inside me for months, noise etc. brother got 3 kids anyways, the line can continue there. I am just going to be the crazy rabbitlady.
I have many reasons, from loving money, sleep and free time, to being bad at sharing and knowing I'd make a horrible parent with how little patience I have, my mental health issues will end with me, I won't risk passing them on. My latest addition Noa that I'm going through a separation? I do NOT want a life long tie to another person who could prevent me from moving on.
I'm a teacher and there's no name I could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment I uttered it.
I have no maternal instincts. Even my mother said she knew from when I was very young that I wouldn't be a parent. I hated dolls. Hated any toy that was aimed at girls who would want to care for it or mother it. My mother was right too. I knew from very early on in my life that a child would never come from me. Or even be raised by me. I don't like them. I don't like that they grow in to adults who I like even less. I love animals. Surround me with them. I'm happy. Put me near a child and I am ready to tap out.
When I was younger (7-8 yrs old), I thought maybe having a child would be nice. Then, slowly but surely, I discovered I had coprophobia... I know that when I was younger, my parents had some talks to me about p**p (dw, the censor is mine, not BP's) and how p**ping was healthy for my body. But when I see p**p I'm horrified. I also discovered I was a lesbian, I knew I could always adopt, but the coprophobia is immense. I also have dyspraxia (DCD), and I don't want it to be passed on my child. Even if I adopt, I don't want them to follow my path. I can imagine them having the same trashy results at PE as I have right now and I can't do anything to help them improve. Growing up with abusive parents, I always wanted to have the last word (still do, teenager here). However, I also hate the mentality of "children are made to be seen not heard", so I think that I'm doing that for my, and the child's, sake. I feel like I'd be a bad parent, as I never learned anything about good parenting. (1/4)
My parents (both of them) were toxic. They only cared about grades, and they yelled at me each time I did something supposedly "naughty". That's why I talked back a lot, but they considered it "rude". One day, I remember I was feeling super-angry and then I said that I'd k*ll myself. So they abandoned me in the car instead of actually caring about me. And they both believe that coprophobia is not real. They also perceived crying as "not solving anything" and would get mad at me for crying which just made me cry more (I used to be pretty tough but I mean living with them...) I swear that if we were in China (in Canada now, thankfully) they'd beat me up (that's legal in China). And I "understand" their POV. My mom has been raised with abusive parents who threw plates at her, and my dad's parents were basically forcing them to do stuff. Maybe that's why my cousin bullied me. And besides, I have a dog, a dachshund, and he's not good around small kids at all (reminder: I'm just a teenager). And I wouldn't let go of him. (2/4)
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I would love to be a parent in the future. But I want to be a manga artist. The schedule for manga artists is extremely strict (some manga artists only got 3 hours of sleep a night). I wouldn’t want to adopt a kid then accidentally neglect them for my job, so I’m kinda at a crossroad.
Gotta say that schedule sounds like exploitive torture. Maybe pursue it in a non traditional format that doesn't ruin your life, health and sanity
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My husband was recently diagnosed with stage 3 MS. We have 3 adult children. If we'd known...............We might have made different choices
I don't, and won't now, have children. The only concern is that my wife had to look after her mother for 5 years - who is going to do that for her and me when we get old?
How many children actually do end up caring for their parents in later life? They don't all, far from it. Many older people have complicated health needs. Many of their adult children have busy working lives with families of their own and simply can't - space, money, time. I do know people who have done it but they were single and had no family of their own. Their own lives were on hold for a good couple of decades. One told me she ended up so close to hurting her mother because the frustration, especially looking after someone with dementia, can be extreme. My 96 year old aunt died at the end of last year. She'd spent 15 years frail and unsteady until bed-bound in a care home that she loved. Surrounded by staff who were genuinely fond of her. It was her friends who were there for her until the end. Elder abuse is a big worry, it happens in homes but it also happens within families too - and the abuse by familes usually stays hidden.
Load More Replies... I'm really tired... This website Always talks about the bad of being parent and how beautiful would be having a puppy... Really??? Really? Well, I'll tell you One thing, babies are not the same than puppies and I Will Always prefer people to puppies, even if I like them.
This website really does have both. They have threads full of the funny things children say all the time, children with pets, the funny things this dad hears his children say... all recent. I'm not particularly into children so I don't often read those. If someone doesn't want to read the reasons why people decided not to children, then they can simply ignore it. Not click on it. Every click and every comment is actually a positive for the article, even if you make a negative remark about it - it's all about numbers when selling advertising. Besides, the world needs GOOD parents, not lots of parents. If people choose not to have children, that's not a negative thing. It should be a very well thought through decision.
Load More Replies... I always wanted children. But have yet to find a partner. 37 means my chances are 0
I've rarely met anyone with kids that wasn't tired, broke and miserable. You think they're leaving you when they hit 18 years old? Nope, those kids will be a drag on you till there 30's.... You're kids will likely never afford a house or a family like you did (unless they become super wealthy).
I'm the eldest sister. I've already done the "parenting lite" thing. I've already had to tell friends I couldn't play because I had to mind my little sister until they stopped asking. Taught her to ride a bike, had her help me cook (which she loves to do now!), she says she started drawing because she was jealous of my drawings (her abilities surpassed mine at least 20 years ago)... I'm proud as hell of her, and there's no way I'm doing any of that again.
I decided as a child that I didn't want to be a mother. As a mother, I knew that I would be the one who had ultimate responsibility for children. I love kids but having to give up so many experiences to care for them while their father sacrificed much less would have been unfair, as motherhood was for almost every mother I knew.
I've got a thousand reasons- 1, most importantly, I hate babies and get burnt out almost immediately when I have to take care of/help someone for long periods of time, so I would be a bad parent. 2, I don't want bladder issues. 3, Mental health issues run in my family. 4, I don't want to make my child feel obligated to take care of me 24/7 when I'm old. 5, I don't want the possible health issues during and after pregnancy, I like not having to pee every two hours and I like not losing sleep over stress. 6, I hate HALF of my family and I don't want to bring my child into a world with those people. There are a LOT more reasons but these are the main reasons.
I don't like kids at all. I always said I never wanted children from the age of 11 or 12. It turns out nature did me a favour because I can't have them anyway thank goodness. They're cute sometimes when they're in a good mood but not enough that I'd even want to spend more than 5 mins in their company. I do not however condone any form of abuse towards children and I would give my life to safe a child if need be. I DO understand their value in this world and innocent lives deserve to be protected.
I have at least 10 things on my cons list. Both selfish ones, and selfless ones. And one or two on the pro list. But those are for selfish reasons. To be remembered when I’m gone and to be looked after when I’m old. If you’re not 100% sure you want, not just to have a baby, but spend your entire life (or theirs) being on call 24/7/365, then don’t have kids.
Go to any playground and you’ll see Parents who are dead inside. Lookup any news site and you’ll see a story of a child who suffered at the hands of monsters who shouldn’t have had kids.
All I gotta say is that ur parents didn't feel this way when they had you.
Not even a good enough point to be sophistry. It is entirely irrelevant as they are not their parents, besides the obvious point that if they did not have children they would not be here to care. People choosing not to have children does not harm anyone. Far better that those who do not wish to have them do not, there are sadly far too many bad parents as it is.
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I don't know why the downvote. If one doesn't want children, so doesn't have, that's it. Many od these people have perfectly formed opinion why they don't want to. Sometimes they sound selfish, but this is their life, this is their life choice. But please, please don't pretend to be a saint and say 'oh, the Earth have too many people so that's why I don't want to have children'. No, you don't want because you don't want. It is okay. And if other people want, it is their choice. We are human, we have our life, our choice, our opinion. Respect each other, please.
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Yap, we already had at least one mandatory anti-american thread, then there is anti-kid, now I'm waiting for anti-extrovert thread again.
Load More Replies... I constantly thank the feminists of previous generations: They made it possible and legal to know about contraception and how to use it. I can relate to many of the original posters.
If you are in the US the Republicans are very quickly eroding those rights
Load More Replies... Because there s immense social pressure on women in particular to have kids
Load More Replies... even when i was younger i knew i never wanted to birth a child. adoption, maybe, when they're older. but i don't want to risk passing on various disorders cause of my genetics. and i don't want to waste half my life with a child i can't guarantee i will be able to stick it out with.
I'm a childfree person and I am just not interested and I think caregiving is kind of stressful and sucks. Another reason not mentioned here is having to deal with other parents. Sure there are good parents were it would be great to be friends with them and have the kids be friends. But it seems like being a conspiracy theory wackjob is acceptable. So I imagine it would suck if your kid had a real medical condition and couldn't get vaccines and there's all these plague rats running around. And what do you do if your kid is good friends with another kid, but then their parents are nutjobs who think the 5G is mind-controlling them. So having kids increases the likelihood of having to interact with weirdos.
I don’t have kids. I don’t hate kids. I just generally dislike them. I don’t wish them ill will. I just wish they’d live their lives away from me.
I'm just not the kind of person who's cut out for it, really. But I love my little nephew. One look at him and I was like "I WOULD DIE FOR THIS KID". And as a matter of fact, a while ago on this site I mentioned that said nephew was expecting a younger sibling and I was just positive it was going to be a girl. People said hey let us know how it turns out and well...
Congrats on becoming an aunt to a little girl (I assume!). I've a nephew I adore too. He's an adult now but I loved looking after him when he was small. I did want children when I was late teens/early 20s but always 'later' and then the desire just trickled away, funnily enough. So people couldn't say to me 'oh, you'll change your mind' as I already had!
Load More Replies... "Having children is giving hostages to fortune." When I was fourteen, my father died suddenly leaving a wife, five children, and a pension stolen by his employer. I suspect that was the day I stopped thinking about becoming a father.
People used to look at me with pity as I couldn't conceive and the notion was you would never find true happiness unless you did have a babby. My BIL chastised my husband because I would not go through all the c**p they went through to have baby #4. He felt a foot needed putting down. I was just fine without .
My eldest sister never got pregnant despite choosing to try. She positively rejected the idea of going for IVF as she didn't want it to end up being something she had to work so hard for, the constant hope and then if it all ended up in failure. The percentage that is successful on first attempt is 55%. The failure rate was too high for her to risk putting all that hope into it. For some people acceptance that it's not meant to be is the easier option.
Load More Replies... I did not have the greatest of luck in genes from either of my parents(siblings avoided it lol). Bad knees with a slight risk of cancer, epilepsy, learning problems, mental health issue, scared of carring something inside me for months, noise etc. brother got 3 kids anyways, the line can continue there. I am just going to be the crazy rabbitlady.
I have many reasons, from loving money, sleep and free time, to being bad at sharing and knowing I'd make a horrible parent with how little patience I have, my mental health issues will end with me, I won't risk passing them on. My latest addition Noa that I'm going through a separation? I do NOT want a life long tie to another person who could prevent me from moving on.
I'm a teacher and there's no name I could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment I uttered it.
I have no maternal instincts. Even my mother said she knew from when I was very young that I wouldn't be a parent. I hated dolls. Hated any toy that was aimed at girls who would want to care for it or mother it. My mother was right too. I knew from very early on in my life that a child would never come from me. Or even be raised by me. I don't like them. I don't like that they grow in to adults who I like even less. I love animals. Surround me with them. I'm happy. Put me near a child and I am ready to tap out.
When I was younger (7-8 yrs old), I thought maybe having a child would be nice. Then, slowly but surely, I discovered I had coprophobia... I know that when I was younger, my parents had some talks to me about p**p (dw, the censor is mine, not BP's) and how p**ping was healthy for my body. But when I see p**p I'm horrified. I also discovered I was a lesbian, I knew I could always adopt, but the coprophobia is immense. I also have dyspraxia (DCD), and I don't want it to be passed on my child. Even if I adopt, I don't want them to follow my path. I can imagine them having the same trashy results at PE as I have right now and I can't do anything to help them improve. Growing up with abusive parents, I always wanted to have the last word (still do, teenager here). However, I also hate the mentality of "children are made to be seen not heard", so I think that I'm doing that for my, and the child's, sake. I feel like I'd be a bad parent, as I never learned anything about good parenting. (1/4)
My parents (both of them) were toxic. They only cared about grades, and they yelled at me each time I did something supposedly "naughty". That's why I talked back a lot, but they considered it "rude". One day, I remember I was feeling super-angry and then I said that I'd k*ll myself. So they abandoned me in the car instead of actually caring about me. And they both believe that coprophobia is not real. They also perceived crying as "not solving anything" and would get mad at me for crying which just made me cry more (I used to be pretty tough but I mean living with them...) I swear that if we were in China (in Canada now, thankfully) they'd beat me up (that's legal in China). And I "understand" their POV. My mom has been raised with abusive parents who threw plates at her, and my dad's parents were basically forcing them to do stuff. Maybe that's why my cousin bullied me. And besides, I have a dog, a dachshund, and he's not good around small kids at all (reminder: I'm just a teenager). And I wouldn't let go of him. (2/4)
Load More Replies... I would love to be a parent in the future. But I want to be a manga artist. The schedule for manga artists is extremely strict (some manga artists only got 3 hours of sleep a night). I wouldn’t want to adopt a kid then accidentally neglect them for my job, so I’m kinda at a crossroad.
Gotta say that schedule sounds like exploitive torture. Maybe pursue it in a non traditional format that doesn't ruin your life, health and sanity
Load More Replies... My husband was recently diagnosed with stage 3 MS. We have 3 adult children. If we'd known...............We might have made different choices
I don't, and won't now, have children. The only concern is that my wife had to look after her mother for 5 years - who is going to do that for her and me when we get old?
How many children actually do end up caring for their parents in later life? They don't all, far from it. Many older people have complicated health needs. Many of their adult children have busy working lives with families of their own and simply can't - space, money, time. I do know people who have done it but they were single and had no family of their own. Their own lives were on hold for a good couple of decades. One told me she ended up so close to hurting her mother because the frustration, especially looking after someone with dementia, can be extreme. My 96 year old aunt died at the end of last year. She'd spent 15 years frail and unsteady until bed-bound in a care home that she loved. Surrounded by staff who were genuinely fond of her. It was her friends who were there for her until the end. Elder abuse is a big worry, it happens in homes but it also happens within families too - and the abuse by familes usually stays hidden.
Load More Replies... I'm really tired... This website Always talks about the bad of being parent and how beautiful would be having a puppy... Really??? Really? Well, I'll tell you One thing, babies are not the same than puppies and I Will Always prefer people to puppies, even if I like them.
This website really does have both. They have threads full of the funny things children say all the time, children with pets, the funny things this dad hears his children say... all recent. I'm not particularly into children so I don't often read those. If someone doesn't want to read the reasons why people decided not to children, then they can simply ignore it. Not click on it. Every click and every comment is actually a positive for the article, even if you make a negative remark about it - it's all about numbers when selling advertising. Besides, the world needs GOOD parents, not lots of parents. If people choose not to have children, that's not a negative thing. It should be a very well thought through decision.
Load More Replies... I always wanted children. But have yet to find a partner. 37 means my chances are 0
I've rarely met anyone with kids that wasn't tired, broke and miserable. You think they're leaving you when they hit 18 years old? Nope, those kids will be a drag on you till there 30's.... You're kids will likely never afford a house or a family like you did (unless they become super wealthy).
I'm the eldest sister. I've already done the "parenting lite" thing. I've already had to tell friends I couldn't play because I had to mind my little sister until they stopped asking. Taught her to ride a bike, had her help me cook (which she loves to do now!), she says she started drawing because she was jealous of my drawings (her abilities surpassed mine at least 20 years ago)... I'm proud as hell of her, and there's no way I'm doing any of that again.
I decided as a child that I didn't want to be a mother. As a mother, I knew that I would be the one who had ultimate responsibility for children. I love kids but having to give up so many experiences to care for them while their father sacrificed much less would have been unfair, as motherhood was for almost every mother I knew.
I've got a thousand reasons- 1, most importantly, I hate babies and get burnt out almost immediately when I have to take care of/help someone for long periods of time, so I would be a bad parent. 2, I don't want bladder issues. 3, Mental health issues run in my family. 4, I don't want to make my child feel obligated to take care of me 24/7 when I'm old. 5, I don't want the possible health issues during and after pregnancy, I like not having to pee every two hours and I like not losing sleep over stress. 6, I hate HALF of my family and I don't want to bring my child into a world with those people. There are a LOT more reasons but these are the main reasons.
I don't like kids at all. I always said I never wanted children from the age of 11 or 12. It turns out nature did me a favour because I can't have them anyway thank goodness. They're cute sometimes when they're in a good mood but not enough that I'd even want to spend more than 5 mins in their company. I do not however condone any form of abuse towards children and I would give my life to safe a child if need be. I DO understand their value in this world and innocent lives deserve to be protected.
I have at least 10 things on my cons list. Both selfish ones, and selfless ones. And one or two on the pro list. But those are for selfish reasons. To be remembered when I’m gone and to be looked after when I’m old. If you’re not 100% sure you want, not just to have a baby, but spend your entire life (or theirs) being on call 24/7/365, then don’t have kids.
Go to any playground and you’ll see Parents who are dead inside. Lookup any news site and you’ll see a story of a child who suffered at the hands of monsters who shouldn’t have had kids.
All I gotta say is that ur parents didn't feel this way when they had you.
Not even a good enough point to be sophistry. It is entirely irrelevant as they are not their parents, besides the obvious point that if they did not have children they would not be here to care. People choosing not to have children does not harm anyone. Far better that those who do not wish to have them do not, there are sadly far too many bad parents as it is.
Load More Replies... I don't know why the downvote. If one doesn't want children, so doesn't have, that's it. Many od these people have perfectly formed opinion why they don't want to. Sometimes they sound selfish, but this is their life, this is their life choice. But please, please don't pretend to be a saint and say 'oh, the Earth have too many people so that's why I don't want to have children'. No, you don't want because you don't want. It is okay. And if other people want, it is their choice. We are human, we have our life, our choice, our opinion. Respect each other, please.
Load More Replies... Yap, we already had at least one mandatory anti-american thread, then there is anti-kid, now I'm waiting for anti-extrovert thread again.
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