1.7Mviews
Someone Asks “What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?” And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers
Kids are not for everyone. Yet, many default to expecting people to start procreating once they settle down, even insisting that those who claim not to want children will surely someday change their minds. Especially women.
But there are plenty of valid reasons for living child-free. And if a person doesn't want to commit to spending around 18 years of their life caring for another human being whose well-being depends entirely on them, maybe we shouldn't force them into it? Regardless of whether or not they belong to the heteronormative part of society.
Drawing attention to the problem, Redditor AGstudios22 asked other platform users who don't plan on having kids what made them come to that conclusion, and we thought that reading through the answers can provide you with quite a few interesting insights, regardless of your own position.
This post may include affiliate links.
From my own experience, I don’t like the thought of bringing a kid into the world we live in. I’d much sooner adopt a kid who’s in a shifty place or in a struggling area. There are millions of kids starving out there, there are millions of kids being abused out there. Rather save one of them than bring another kid into this retched place
I really, really don't want to be a parent and I feel like that should at the very least be a prerequisite to having them. My grandmother didn't seem to enjoy parenthood, my mom certainly didn't. They did it because they were "supposed to". I'm breaking the cycle.
I’ve occasionally questioned my normal-ness: shouldn’t every healthy adult animal want to perpetuate the species, at least a little? Shouldn’t I have instincts to reproduce? But I don’t XD I want cats and dogs!
Selfishness. I like the freedom of being able to wake up or go wherever i want without worrying “whos gonna watch my kids” or “my kids are awake so i have to be awake” so i guess I value my personal freedom more then anything a child could provide me
It concerns me that it is often regarded as ‘selfishness’. Your entire life is changed, completely. There is nothing wrong with looking after ‘you’. There are enough children in the world, focus on being a better human being for yourself, so the your own freedoms.
Agreed. This isn't selfishness, but rather self-awareness.
Load More Replies...
THIS. Ask any parent why they wanted kids, they'll say "I wanted to carry on my name", "I want someone to care for me in my old age", "I wanted the love only a child can provide", etc. I, I, I, me, me, me.
Load More Replies...
You are not selfish. Being selfish would be having a kid and ignoring their needs because yours come first.
Exactly. Not having kids is the opposite of shelfish because you can never neglect a kid that was not born. Many selfless people have kids but many are very selfish. But somehow society finds normal to have children when you cannot afford them or when you can pass on diseases.
Load More Replies...
It's not selfish, it's responsible. I say this as a parent, unless you are ready to accept that your life and time are no longer 100% yours then you shouldn't have a kid. If you never get there that's fine but having a kid without that commitment is what is selfish in my opinion
Not selfish at all, and I'm a mom. Only you know your story, and what is written in it, or yet to be written. Look at all of the people who should NEVER have had children, that is a true tragedy! Write your story, and live your best life!!
Mother of 2. We did have kids because we wanted. Some people don't have kid because they want a childless life. Hey, whatever makes us happy! We're far from being endangered species
Load More Replies...
When people would call my child-free life selfish (and tell me I'll change my mind, I'm almost 60 now). I'd ask "which would be worse, to have them and not want them or want them and not have them?" I know of nobody who did not want kids in their 20s to 30s who regrets it later.
I'm almost thirty seven and people regularly tell me I'll change my mind about never having nor wanting children. Good to know this will still apparently be happening into my sixties!
Load More Replies...
I think it's actually less selfish to understand that you don't have time or inclination for a child. What's actually selfish is having a child when you aren't mentally or financially ready for one (or, in light of recent news, being pressured or forced into having one), and then the child has to bear the brunt of your selfish decision. A child isn't a pet and I see people every day who have kids who treat it like that, and then get bored or annoyed when they realize 'oh wait, this is a kid.' I think it's a lot less selfish to say you aren't sure if you'll be able to give the attention you need to to a child so you'd rather not put yourself or a kid into that position.
Absolutely! I read on another BP column where someone wrote that their kid is their "everything" but there's no way they could stand spending a whole day with the kid. Umm, that doesn't add up to me. It's TOTALLY ok to say you don't want kids cramping your style! Just know it before you have kids and don't have them... choose to enjoy being an aunt or uncle or whatever part-time person instead of becoming a parent who resents their kids or adores them but only in small doses.
Load More Replies...
Some people are selfish for having kids. I've met plenty of parents who try to live vicariously through their kids & force the kids to do things they have no interest in. I really hate parents who keep asking their adult children: "when are you going to give me a grandbaby?". How about never because you're crazy & they might turn out like you.
Sounds like you met my mother. After I dissuaded her from living my life, she demanded grandchildren. I spiked that by asking, "With or without a husband?" "*With*, of course!" "Then don't hold your breath waiting!"
Load More Replies...
This is completely incorrect. If you create a child (instead of adopting), on an overpopulated planet that is running out of resources and faces future environmental disaster, it’s one of the most selfish things you can do. Not creating a child is pretty selfLESS.
There's LITERALLY nothing selfish about not wanting kids that hasn't even formed in your belly. If anything, you're being unselfish for preventing your unconceived child to grow up where they're not wanted.
People might call me selfish if they don’t know about my childhood brain cancer or epilepsy diagnoses. I value my own (and other people’s) mental health far more than having kids of my own.
The word selfish gets a bad rap. Selfishness is not doing what you want to do. It's insisting that others should feel exactly the way you do.
This isn't being selfish. You know what is? "I wAnT cHiLdReN," and tossing the child's personhood away because they aren't EXACTLY what the birthgiver had in mind. You know what you want when you don't want kids. You have no f*****g idea what you want if you want a child to be anything other than f*****g healthy.
I am 100% the type of person that needs to have complete alone time, totally alone, even without my husband, or else I will have a breakdown. When you have kids, you NEVER get "me" time. If you do get someone to watch the kids for a bit, you will end up spending that time catching up on chores, not relaxing. If never having alone time again scares you, DONT HAVE KIDS!!
If you have the self awareness to label this selfish, then you are not selfish.
It's not selfish if there is no "victim". You can't be selfish against a person aka child, that does simply not exist. That's like feeling guilty for not walking a dog, that you don't have. Or for not washing dishes that aren't dirty. I hear that a lot, but bringing a kid into this world is absolutely not necessary. There are so many that starve, and in the future with climate change, there will be more. In the last 3 month, 71 million people dropped into poverty because of inflation. Worldwide people are turning crazy and shoot each other, go into wars, are living in slavery and if its a girl, chances are high she might be raped, hit or even murdered, not to speak of tortured or similar. Sounds more like selfishness to get a child and drop it into this cruel world, than not to.
Selfishness would be neglecting an existing child to prioritize those things. What you are doing is called self determination. It isn't a character flaw, rather, a strength. The men telling us we are selfish to not have children expect to live in a world where we exist to serve them. THAT is selfishness. You are allowed to own your own body, live your own life, and pursue your own future. Those are your rights as a human being. Anyone who says otherwise can F off all the way into the sun.
Selfish is wanting to have kids and expecting them to look after you when your old. They have lives and you got your enjoyment out of raising them
More like it is selfish to have kids... The wasted resources.... Most humans are irrelevant and useless creatures. Who wants another mini version of another useless human we all have to deal with?
How is it selfish? What does having kids do for the world that makes it 'un-selfish'? :D
Sounds like my sister. Before I retired and the children gained their independence I sometimes felt a little jealous of her. Thankfully my husband never complained when I would take off by myself for a week, two or three. :)
But maybe, one day you will be tired of your selfishness when you will not be able to get up from bed and you will not have the physical ability to go wherever you want.
I'm 52, i love my lifestyle. Do as I please and I love the independence. I adore my two cats. I am responsible for me, only.
Making yourself a priority in your own life is not selfish. IT IS, AFTER ALL, YOURS. It can be used however you desire. No need to give it away out of some misplaced loyalty to an outdated social norm.
Absolutely. I tell my kids quite often how inconvenient they are. I could be doing SO many things out sleep all day. I wouldn't have to stop projects right at 5pm to have "family time". Then I remind them I love them more than anything and they are 100% worth it. But to keep this in mind when they decide to have kids. (Actually I tell this mostly to every teen I know, my boys are only 4 and 6.)
It is only selfish to those who envy your choice and the resulting freedom. Those who are secure in their decision to reproduce will not attempt to shame others. Those who are dreadfully unhappy and feel their child/children are a stone around their neck want everyone to join their misery. I center finger salute them all!
Most people have kids because they are "supposed to," "want something to play with," or they want to "leave something behind." What is more selfish than that? People with children love to call childless people selfish in an effort to cover up how selfish they really are. Project much??? Not having kids for whatever reason is not selfish; it is beging honest with yourself and not caving to pressure from society, family, or whomever, so hey can feel better about their miserable choices.
Don't forget my favorite: to carry on the family name.
Load More Replies...
This is my reason. I like my freedom, I like that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I like that I can sleep in on my time off. I like the peace and quiet of my house. I like how clean it is. With the exception of my dog herding her toys all over the place. I like my money. My sister chose to have kids. I adore my nephew and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him, but even going out for lunch with her, she spends the majority of her time entertaining him and making sure he ate his lunch, completely ignoring her own food. I don't want that for me.
I don't think that's selfish at all, you want to live your life, nothing at all wrong with that and there is no demand to becoming a parent
Great job for being true to yourself & not unnecessarily burdening yourself. 🌟
But whom are you being selfish toward? A hypothetical kid? You're not putting anyone at a disadvantage or depriving anyone of anything. Please don't buy into that guilt trip.
I didn't want children.... I had my son, and my daughter. They were the best until they became teenagers! I love them, and I have two grandsons now, but I wish I hadn't did it... I ended up a single mom, and worked myself to death. They appreciate, nothing I did for them, and now, raising my grandsons. I have cancer, and they could care less. There was a brief time when my kids moved out, and got to finally enjoy being ALONE. I love my all of my kids, and wouldn't give them up for nothing. But, I wish I would have stuck to my plan, and remained childless...
As a parent of a 21 year old .. THIS is the best answer imo. I love having that freedom. I mean, I do have dogs now, but that's diff. :)
I used to have pets, it drives me mad when I spend a few thousand dollars on vet bills and your animals still die because you can't afford more expensive surgery.
Load More Replies...
I'm a parent and I would not categorize that as selfish. You simply find fulfillment and joy in different things. You don't owe the world a child.
I feel like people should definitely only have kids if they want to, and even then they should only have kids once they have done everything they want to do as an adult. Having the kid changes everything
I'm 46 and the youngest of 13 kids, I have 25 niece's and nephew's and 14 great niece's and nephew's. I've said since the age of 12 that children are not for me. I chose to stay single and not have any children of my own. Because of that decision I was able to stay at home and allow my Mom to quit working full time at the age of 69, help pay and help multiple siblings and their children financially and caring for them and when my Mom's health took a turn for the worse became her 24/7 caregiver with little help. Everyone else, except for one of my sisters that lives locally that is also single and child free who works full time was able to pitch in and help when she was able. My other siblings are living all over the US and had their own households to worry about. If I was married and had children I would not have been able to help everyone when they needed it, take off work when I became sick or be my Mom's caregiver the last 3 years of her life when she needed me the most.
i can hardly take care of myself, let alone another person, and a high maintenance one at that
There’s nothing selfish about not wanting kids and not having them. There is absolutely something selfish about having them and not wanting them.
That's not selfish. If you were a guy without kids, no one would ever call it selfish, but if you're a woman... well.
That's not selfish. Selfish would be having a kid just so other people will think you're an excellent parent.
Selfish is bringing children into the world and then not bringing them up properly.
Well, that's great to be honest, enjoy your freedom, travel !!!
It's not being selfish. It is far better that you choose not to have children rather than be miserable if you did.
How sad, Your a self centered egotistical piece of c**p! You should have never had children. It’s not their fault you see them as a your ball and chain!
I have 3 siblings and 2 of them are 2 and 3 and you don’t have to be awake cause your child is awake
I had kids BECAUSE I was selfish. I wanted them, I love them. As adults they are my very best friends.
NEVER wanted kids. Too afraid I would be a worse parent than the ones I had. Also, I thank God every day I don't have kids in an environment that has seen so many children murdered in school shootings, and so many kids lives ruined by SOOOOOOO many pediphiles. The world is too crazy to bring kids into.
Its not selfish to value your freedom. I wanted kids but i gave up every ounce of freedom for it. I dont regret it. But thats becuase i wanted it. No one should do it unless they 100% want it
You assume what a child could provide you and deny it because you have no idea what children actually bring to the table till you have one.
You are being intelligently selfish. Parents have children for selfish reasons, hopefully intelligent ones.
That is being intelligently selfish. And parents have children for equally selfish reasons. Hopefully intelligent ones.
A person who values themselves are generally happy, stable people who will add to the community in other meaningful ways.
Not everyone wants children. And some should not have children. And that's fine and they shouldn't be question. There are so many unwanted children. These children are being mistreated and abuse. By the people who are suppose to protect them. On the other side of this why not adopt those children if you want a child or add one or two of them in your already family. Sometimes I repeat sometimes it's the ones who you don't share DNA with is sometimes the ones who makes your life wonderful. And really with you makes a family
as you should. Nobody told you you HAVE TO have kids.. they aren't mandatory.
There comes a point where self indulgence becomes boring, and one begins to wonder if this is all life is about…. Then you have a child, the whole world shifts and you realize that you haven’t learned anything about life yet. It’s all still ahead of you.
There is nothing "selfish" about not bringing more people into an already overpopulated world. Nothing selfish about wanting to break cycles of family dysfunction. Nothing selfish about wanting to enjoy your life child-free. It's selfish to have kids for the wrong reasons or out of ego. It's selfish to have kids and then expect others to raise them while you just pop in whenever you feel like it. Know the difference.
And yet I would never consider someone who had children to be selfish even though many of them tell you that they did it because THEY felt the longing, the need, THEY always wanted to be a parent etc. But those of who choose not to have kids are seen as selfish because we feel a longing, we feel a need and we always wanted to have freedom to do as we want without worrying about it affecting a child. Living your life on your own terms shouldn't be considered selfish on anyone's part.
I think that this reason works alone over the others that seems c**p to me (just excuses), but is fine, is your choice, just know yourself, that's enough.
I understand this statement. As a parent this 8s what I miss the most. I will not be saying this to validate my life choices, but, at the same time I felt my daughter gave my life purpose. More then any carreer, travels or parties ever could. My daughter drives me crazy sometimes, and I definitely will not have a second one. I don't wanna go through the first months ever again. Was the worst time of my life.. But now that she is 3yo i am enjoying so much, not sure what the future will bring, but i. Certain that the love i have for my daughter will help face any challenges life will bring me.
At first I didn’t want kids.But after I gave birth to my twins.I totally changed they are a blessing and now I am expecting baby number 7.That does not mean it’s not okay to not want kids just think about it first.
Is it freedom or loneliness to not have no one to care for or to wake you up early in the morning... I just hope is not too late for people to realize what they need in their life
You don’t NEED to take care of someone and technology has made it to where we have alarm clocks on our cell phones now.
Load More Replies...
MY OPINION IS YOU NEED PATIENCE AND MONEY ,, NEITHER OF THEM I HAVE !!!!!!!
This is a good point. I had two children and it has been more than 20 years since I could just come and go without worrying about child care or even extra expenses to get around anywhere. The sad part is I still felt empty and unfulfilled until I married and even then until the kids came along. Once again it's sad but they did fill me up with purpose and direction for the last 21 years but yes you can loose yourself in your children. Bless those who are fulfilled just inside yourself and your own individual moves! You have to be sure your willing to risk individualism. You can never truly imagine what it really is until your in it. I have zero regret though as I can honestly say it's been the best 21 years of my life because I understand deep love that I couldn't perceive before but it's absolutely a sacrifice one MUST want to embark upon and try as you may to be ready for.
I claim selfishness, too. But really, if I was selfish, I would go ahead and have a kid because I KIND OF want one and then I would still be selfish and the kid would suffer, so really I'm doing a favor to someone that would otherwise exist haha.
Just what are current culture needs is more self centered behaviors. Give me a break!
Yes, selfishness, it’s a terrible thing. But nowadays it’s all about “me” generation. These people don’t even see you walking down same street. My opinion.
My "aunt" Mimi (a friend of my grandma that I visited a lot and I got the opportunity to love as my own mom) didn't have children but she help a lot of kids with her advises and her careless love... She'ss within me, everywhere I go. She taught me a lot of amazing stuff... The most important thing for me was to see her rescue animals and even insects! And to appreciate them... The brightness in her eyes as she was touched by the beauty of nature, reflected in a flower or a sprout in the garden. She taught me I could be complete without a man, that I could earn my own place in the world. And after all, every once in a while she regrets not having kids off her own. Not knowing the real value of all she's done for so many kids!!! I guess she need it the experience of pregnancy or the feeling of belonging to someone for ever, I don't know... It's sad, I didn't want kids until I knew I couldn't have, then my baby came magically... But I couldn't support him t... So here we're, struggling...
It's not that in selfish, I'm honestly self-centered. I'm a 'me', not part of a 'we'. I feel no need to apologize for that, though I'm often looked at weird when I openly admit that. Could I be better as a 'we'? Probably, sure. When I meet the right person.
Raised three kiddos, loved having them very much. But it is not selfish to choose a life that is different from having children. It is not wrong or selfish to want a life that is yours.
I think that is a valid point for not having kids. It completely changed that narrative. Anyone that has kids would be lying if they said they didn't feel that shift from self to it's all about this baby now. Even people that 100% want kids struggle for a bit with this. I did and I would never want a life without my kids. They are two of my very favorite people. It's not like that for everyone and no one should feel bad for having feelings of loss of self because it is real.
I think it's more selfish to want a kid just because everyone else is doing it. I have 3 awesome kids who I would absolutely go to the ends of the earth for anytime, any day, anyway anyhow. But I have the upmost respect for people who don't want kids AND don't have them. That is definitely NOT a selfish act.
That's not selfish, it's your life and you should come first in that decision.
Not wanting children is not selfish. It's the way those who think the term "child-free" is classy- how they act around those who do have kids that is selfish. It's amazing how self centered the "child-free" population is.
And it's doubly amazing how self-centered and selfish the ones with kids are. "It's got to be done MY way to accommodate me and my kids!" "Do this so I have free time." "You don't need that, you don't have children. I do." "But my children WANT--"
Load More Replies...
Can confirm. I have three children. Love them deeply and do the whole parent thing. I haven't had decent sleep or free time in over 5 years. We chose to have children, but be warned.
thats not selfish at all. Life is a struggle enough on its own esp in a country like the US that values wrk over all else in life, doesnt even have paid parental leave and treats women in the workplace like c**p cuz of our ability 2 have kids. They dont wanna hire u if they think ur in prime child bearing yrs or they don't wanna worry about relying on u then u get pregnant. They have all these notions about how ur biology is gonna ruin ur ability 2 work then it tends 2 become self fullfilling where havin a kid DOES hold u back career wise if ur a woman. That's already proven. Its not selfish 2 wanna b treated equally & not deal with xtra discrimination on top of everything else, plus as a woman, havin a child urself is a risk 2 ur life no matter how healthy u r or how well ur pregnancy goes- during labor anything can happen & its a HUGE risk & sacrifice 2 ur body too. Adulting is enuff of a struggle! Pple work 70 hr wks & many dont get paid time off or paid enuff 2 live
Lol this is delusional because personal freedom is a made up concept. Like I have the easiest kid in the world, but I still don't recommend anyone have kids unless they really want them and even then limit it to max two, but like in my life before my kid, my personal freedom was infringed upon by so many necessities like a job, friends, family...Could I sleep in on a Wednesday cuz I wanted it? Could I flake out on a plan at the last minute on Saturday where I had agreed to be the driver?
That's called 'adult responsibility' and has nothing to do with having children or not.
Load More Replies...
I have one child but this is the reason I don't want anymore. I'm looking forward to some freedom in a few years.
Not wanting kids per se is a totally legit reason. No is a complete sentence.
Definitely not selfish, actually quite the opposite. Make what choice is best for you, and embrace it. Children is a life long commitment, and if it isn’t for you, that’s perfectly fine.
Yea I wouldn't want my kids to take care of those selfish childless people who in their last days of life need to be care . I invite them to leave this world before the will need to be care off.
So you’re raising your kids to take care YOU? THAT sounds selfish.
Load More Replies...
IT'S GOOD to have Children To Love an Honor* An When There Small New Borns It's like a Miracle in Your Arms an in YOUR Brand NEW LIFE* YOU Say to Your Self YOUR NEW BORN BABY is a True Miracle From GOD* There is No One ELSE in the whole wide World like Your 🍼 BABY 🍼 An then when they Grow up they Make You or break You it's all there choice* But at Least you could look back an say you had Happy Loving Times With Your Brand New Born BABY 🍼 An no one can ever take that Away from You. Because GOD Will let Your Mind an Memories Go on an on. THANK YOU 🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️💟💕🌹🌹🥰❤️💟💕❤️💟💕❤️🌹
Wow all I see is a bunch of lazy people who want to keep getting up at 10 going to brunch having no responsibilities and growing old with some cats and a box of whine but that's cool I guess
Really? Calling childless people “lazy” to make yourself feel better about your life that’s clearly full of bad choices? That’s messed up. Being an adult does not require you to have a set amount of children by a certain age. Judge yourself, not others.
Load More Replies...
But nobody will ever bully you or call you selfish for not having a dog or worse force you to have one.
Load More Replies... 
The fact that nothing really makes me WANT to have them. I feel like you should have an overwhelming desire to become a parent - I don’t, so why would I have a kid?
Good point. You need to be wanting kids 100%. You can’t take it back. Plus it’s important that a child is brought into the world and know they are absolutely wanted.
You know when you are out in public, and you see parents of children and immediately think, "Those people should have never had kids."?
That's me. I'm those people. Not only do I agree with you, I also took your advice.
Can I answer even though I have them?
The fact that I have them makes me not want them.
I love my kids and will lay down my life for them, but raising kids SUCKS!
They financially, physically and mentally suck the life out of you.
Sure they have their moments but there is nothing rewarding about raising kids, the only thing you get in return is judgement and premature aging.
I don't regret having them, but man I'll be celebrating hard when they're adults and leave home.
Well the total lack of wishing to have a child. Zero desire. Just like I have no desire to have a pet rhino or become a lawyer.
I watched my friends, single moms, with their kid issues. Kid's sick? I have to call out from work. School issue? I have to go see to that. Groceries? I have to make sure the kid has appropriate food, I may have to eat ramen myself though. I was never ready to make those kinds of decisions. Even two parent households had a lot to shovel through with just one kid. No thanks, I'm good by myself.
I can barely take care of myself sometimes it feels like, can’t possibly take on another human. More selfishly there’s still a lot of things I want to do that I couldn’t if I had a kid. Lastly, just a pessimistic view of the world and the desire to not want to bring new life into that.
It’s not considered selfish if you’re choosing to look after yourself. Also, you’re thinking of the sorry world that hypothetical child will be left with in the future.
Not wanting to pass on genetic chronic pain/mental illness. Also kids = no money
This is really important. Many illneses are inheritable but it is so normalised to have biological kids that many knew the risk and still choose to have kids. Knowing that they might live in pain for their entire life. There are alternatives like egg/sperm donnors or adoption that at least avoid the genetic issues. I cannot resoect a person that will force their diseases on a child just because they want a bio kid.
The screaming in the next aisle over at the grocery store because they can't have the <insert item> they want.
I've just never wanted any. I never played with baby dolls as a child, I never thought twice about babysitting as a teen, and I was always uncomfortable whenever people said "*when* you have kids" (as opposed to "*if*").
I never found babies cute, I can't imagine spending 24/7 with a little human, and most of all the idea of being responsible for this little creature's happiness and growth, and making sure they become a decent, functioning human being, is *incredibly* intimidating.
After what’s going on in America right now I’m considering getting my tubes tied
I've been dealing with a mentally disabled older brother for nearly all my life. He's 32 yrs old, but acts like a 7 yr old nearly ALL the time. I love him to death, but after so long of dealing with him growing up (I'm 22), I just do not have the patience to handle something like that again.
VanessaClarkLove replied: This is my big one. I feel terrible for this, but the fear of having a child that isn’t going to grow into a fully independent person with no limitations stopped me dead. If there was a guarantee they would be of average mental capability, I might reconsider.
You know, at least as someone with handicapped issues, it's understandable (and often challenged people hold down jobs and can take care of themselves well!). What's worse- and a big fear for me- is when you have a fully functional adult child who doesn't take care of themselves. You see it all the time; grown adults still living at home and can't hold down a full time job, these man-babies/ princesses who are taken care of by pushover parents. I don't mean someone who's in college and paying rent is still young and figuring things out, etc. I mean these people who still act like children when they're 30 and yell at their parents from their smelly and messy basement rooms, depressive and being willfully unhealthy or becoming drug addicts and being THAT kind of burden is a fear for some people, too. I hate to say it this way, but having loser kids is a legit fear. It's hard to live with someone who enjoys victimhood or is in an out of rehab. You shouldn't go into it thinking it's an 18 year commitment; it's possibly a lifetime commitment.
*gestures wildly* the state of the f*****g world, maybe?
It’s irresponsible to bring a child into the world not knowing if you can provide for them a happy, healthy childhood. And as an American, I just can’t envision a future where my next of kin doesn’t suffer terribly for the economic and ecological blunders of our leadership.
The vast majority of parents I meet complain subtley about having children and how much of a struggle it is, how expensive it is, how they get no sleep, no free time etc.
Then, they usually realise they can't be seen to complain about having children and finish their complaints by saying "But its the best thing I ever did." This part always feels like the least genuine bit and everything before feels like the truth.
Furthermore, one of my best friends has a child and spoke candidly about it, saying "I love him to bits but wish I hadn't have had a kid."
Source: Im a teacher who deals with kids and parents daily.
Two things can be true at once. You can love your child fiercely but also wish they’d sleep past 5am 😄
Because all the "best" kid moments to me are not worth losing the ability for my husband and I to spontaneously take off a random Wednesday from our jobs, have some THC, and enjoy the 1200$ Xbox bundle we just got.
Which is what we did today. No ragrets.
World's overpopulated, would rather rescue a kid from the system
Those poor souls need so much love, and the government wants to add to their ranks instead of letting same sex couples have them
- history of severe life altering mental health issues I would NEVER wish to risk passing on (bi-polar, clinical depression, psychosis etc) my Mother and Grandmother on her side. Somehow I seem to have turned out okay but it meant I had a really difficult upbringing, but I would hate to go through what she does and don't want to risk passing it on.
- Lack of freedom / spontaneity. My fiancé and I are like adult children, we're in our 30's and love to play computer games, go out for random ice cream at 11pm, last minute overseas holidays, go out for meals etc whenever we want, I do not want to give that up. A holiday with a child sounds like a chore to me too. Every outing has to be calculated and organised, a simple trip to the store is now a huge chore and time consuming.
- Loss of self, I don't want to become "Mummy" and nothing else. (Not saying that's what happens to everyone, but I feel some people get lost in their kids and lose all sense of themselves as their world now revolves around their children, which is understandable).
- Cost. I do not want to struggle financially, I absolutely cannot afford children and I think it is selfish to have them when you can't provide for them appropriately. Unlike some childfree people, I don't want to put all my focus into my career, I have an average job, it pays enough, without kids I am able to have a comfortable life but I also LOVE my job and am happy. If I had kids we would have to change careers or get second jobs, which I am not willing to do.
- No experience with kids, I don't know what to do with them our how to talk to them. (Please note, I don't hate kids at all, I just don't want any am and awkward with them) I have zero first cousins, my brother is also child free so no nieces or nephews, I've always been awkward around kids even as a kid, and knew from quite a young age parenthood wasn't for me. I do not feel like I have a maternal instinct at all. I do not get giddy seeing babies, but show me a puppy and i'll be melting!
- Lack of sleep, stress. I want a peaceful and somewhat simple life. I enjoy quiet, I enjoy alone time, I enjoy my sleep. Children to not align with that whatsoever.
- Affect on relationship. Children can ruin relationships, it's not their fault but they do. Lack of intimacy, lack of quality time, financial issues causing problems etc. This is something people can work through, but I don't want to risk putting a strain on my relationship as things are perfect for us as they are.
- Risk of severe disability. I absolutely am not willing to look after a severely disabled child for the rest of my life. I have seen how absolutely broken some of these parents are. I saw 2 people yesterday who were clearly husband and wife in their 70's pushing around what appeared to be their profoundly disabled 40ish year old son. That is not the life I am willing to have, but I also don't want to put myself in a position to have to give a child up for adoption.
I have tokophobia (extreme fear of pregnancy).
Cannot upvote this enough! Catholic all girls school run by nuns, where it was rammed home that the worst thing that can happen to you was teenage pregnancy. Classmates also amplified this “fear” and judgement. For some of us, this fear stuck for life not just the school years. I’ve been explaining/citing tokophobia for decades.
Honestly, TikTok etc..
I can raise a kid how I think right but there’s only so much you can shield them from the internet and I’m scared of what the future holds with celebrity/influencer brainwashing culture.
I feel like my generation (early 90’s) was the last generation that was largely safe from this..
I feel this so much. I want kids, but this is something that really worries me about how I'm going to raise them. The Internet is as harmful as it is useful.
I find them annoying.
Also I have no paternal instinct, don't have the temperament to be a good parent, and I'm poor.
It would be unfair to any child to have me imposed on them as a parent.
Those kids who have parents that are perfectly normal but still somehow act like mini serial killers.
Children are born without ethics and morals pre-installed. Of course they’re tiny sociopaths until their parents teach them better… and sometimes, not even normal/good parents can teach them better because the kids don’t WANT to learn society’s rules and conform to them.
my mental health and financial situation. i wouldn’t want to raise a kid the same way i was raised.
It costs too much. The average birth costs like 40k without complications. Decent daycare near me is $1400 a month. That alone is crippling.
It's bad for the environment and I question the morality of putting my children through the potential climate wars and/or apocalypse.
Also, sometimes despite your best efforts and doing everything correctly, your kids turn out to be a**holes.
The cost issue is really dependent on where you live. We have free maternal care and delivery in Sweden and the max cost of daycare is about 150 dollars for the first kid and cheaper for siblings. (Sweden)
I’ve been clinically depressed for almost a decade. Post partum depression is one of the things that terrifies me about the prospect of having kids. Also I am in no way mentally stable enough to be a parent.
Pregnancy and childbirth gave me severe ptsd. I had PPD and anxiety. I can’t have any more children due to the impact on my mental health. The struggle is real. I still wouldn’t change a thing as my child is the love of my life but if I had never known that love I wouldn’t miss it.
Watching my sister's kid get kicked out of daycare for slamming a kids face into a table and hitting a teacher. he's 3, and the most difficult kid I've met.
I love my kids but they completely ruined my life and i don't advocate for anyone to have them
My neighbor has 7 of them. The only form of communication in that house is screaming. The teenage boy just screamed in the middle of my typing this. Kid is absolute s***e at whatever game he's trying to play. My work meetings are constantly interrupted by his whiny cursing/crying sessions.
Pregnancy.
I’ve always been terrified of pregnancy, but I thought I’d feel more comfortable with it as I got older.
Nope. I’m 34 and the thought of being pregnant still freaks me out to no end. I’d love to adopt, but I don’t think I ever want to be pregnant.
Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and having her has changed my life in some hugely positive ways BUT if I knew then what I know now I doubt I'd do it again. Not just for my sake but hers too. Having children is so very utterly selfish and what we are "programmed" to want. Poor mites have no idea what awaits them.
Honest question from someone who has no kids: why do you think having children is selfish? All I usually see is talk about the sacrifices that need to be made to be a good parent. Where does selfishness come into it? Is it the "programming?"
Load More Replies...
I think a lot of parents do, too. I don't think people who intentionally planned kids were sitting around thinking, "I just have WAY too much money and free time. I'll have a kid. That'll fix it." A lot of people have a deep desire to have children. They know it's going to be hard work and sacrifice and they do it anyway because they simply could not be fulfilled otherwise. Me. I have no desire to have kids. So I enjoy my quiet house, sleeping in until noon on the weekend, fabulous trips, etc. I've got a very short list of worries and it is Glorious.
Load More Replies...
1, I don't feel any need or desire to have them. My partner feels the same. 2, I've never felt a bond with any child under 15. Sure I can find them cute, smile when I see an adorable picture of a baby, but that's about it. Their crying irritates me, their - natural - needy, clingy behaviour drives me crazy. I appreciate adult company, and don't enjoy being among kids. 3, I like my life as it is and hope to continue without disruption. 4, I can be a responsible caretaker, but I don't enjoy it. I was a live in nanny for 18 months. I did my job, cared for the children as needed. Then left them without even a sigh, and never for one moment missed them. I was told a million times that I will love them so much. I did not. 5, The world had enough of us. I feel the best thing for an individual to do for this planet is not have kids, plant trees, cover the ground you have access to (e.g. you garden). 6, I don't feel that my personal genetic material is so special that it must be preserved.
She wasn't even blaming the kids for this. She used 'I feel' phrasing. Just completely easy to read and without the toxicity that we all have actually seen before. Where on earth are people getting the impression of any child hating. "I don't enjoy it" is basically the harshest thing that was said. Jesus, some people really need to go touch grass.
Load More Replies...
No kids. Mainly because of the possibility of passing on my mental health issues. I couldn't put another human being through that $hit, not ever.
As someone who inherited severe ADHD when there wasn’t a considerable amount of research on treatments for children and teens I would never want a child to feel like they were a burden.
Load More Replies... As much as it's refreshing to read the honesty in these, it's also sad that so many people still think they get a say in someone else's decision. I'm a proud mum of two (nearly) adult children and I wouldn't change anything. But being a parent is very difficult sometimes, is expensive and absolutely not for everyone. As a species, we're also a far larger burden on our planet than we should be. People shouldn't have to be explaining why they don't want kids.
I got adhd from being raised in an environment wher i was bouncing one place to another or task to task without. Finishing. Neither of my birth parents have it. My half brother has autism. I think genetic mutation or his dad's side or possibly he got it due to medications mom needed to be taking or stress from mum while in the womb. So ADHD is not necessarily passed through genetics.
Load More Replies...
I can't have children, which is a pain like no other and something I struggle to deal with constantly, but we have built a lovely life for ourselves. Being childless (even though it's not through choice) gives us freedoms that our parent friends are jealous of and we try hard to make the most of those things.
My favorite excuse isn't even an excuse. I don't want to deal with them. It's my choice because I don't owe anyone kids or grandkids. I don't like them and I don't want them.
YES!! exactly!! Especially cause my friends daughter ran off and left the grandkids with her! She is 70 and having to care for a 3 year old!!!
Load More Replies...
I simply never have had an interest in parenthood and like the freedom not having children allows me to have.
This should be higher. Some people still forget all the many medical complications that can happen with pregnancy let alone child birth itself. People still die in childbirth in this country….it’s worse in underdeveloped countries.
Load More Replies... I always worried I would regret it once it was too late to conceive. I'm 61 and I still haven't regretted it 1 day. I kept waiting for that yearning to have a child and it never came. Just an overwhelming desire to rescue animals!
You are literally my role model!! 😂 I love animals to goodness- but I in no way want kids!! Sometimes I wonder if ill someday regret it... and then I remember all my hobbies (art) id have to give up- and I remember why lol xD
Load More Replies...
I have one adult daughter and I have always loved being a mom. But it’s not for everyone. I’ve met people who had kids because they felt they “had to” and resented it. I would rather people not have kids and be happy then have them and make everyone—including their kids—miserable.
I am sick and tired of people trying to make my life a shopping list with the highest priority item "have kids". Well peops, it is not yours to decide what I do with my life. Also, there are so many children in the world that do not have parents, are abused or even killed by their parents. Let's safe them first. I won't judge you if you have 20 children. But please don't judge me if I don't want any. I have my life together, I have a loving and caring spouse. We are happy. Why should we change that just to live up to a standard that is fabricated. I live under the premise live and let live. Let people of whatever gender who really want a child have one or many and educate the uneducated so they can make proper decisions in regards to having children (or not)
Not everybody wants to be a Duggar . Im glad 17 and counting with all it's issues has plummeted and i no longer hear about. The bs. They had sonny kids it became a danger to the newborns life and possibly the mother's. That is unhealthy.
Load More Replies...
Working at a retail pharmacy for more than two decades. Imagine trying to count pills, type out a prescription, check accuracy of a prescription, talk to a patient, or physician on the phone, or administer a vaccine, while children run around, knocking over stuff, bouncing balls, throwing toys, and screaming? Does that sound safe to you? It's ridiculous how parents let their children act in public.
Exactly! And I have neither the willpower nor strength to run after 3 munchkins for the next 18 years😅... let alone look after their morality, mental state, financial state and everything else...
Load More Replies...
Not to mention kids are absolute germ factories and will give you EVERY illness under the sun. Nahh keep them away from me at all costs 😂
I’ve always really really really wanted kids. I love to bits the three that I have. I’d love to have more. It is super rewarding for me. And I am very lucky to have the health and resources to look after them. BUT. It is a lot of work. Like really a lot of work. And it’s expensive. Sometimes it’s very hard. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s very frustrating. I definitely have made a lot of sacrifices for them. I can’t imagine being able to do all of this, and not lose my sanity in the process, if I didn’t want children to begin with or didn’t have the means to provide for them.
I am planning to adopt a kid or something (I don’t really know), but never have kids until they can be put in a world that doesn’t have problems and won’t turn into a burning hot dystopia
See, this is what EVERYONE should be telling themselves but they definitely aren't. It's purely egotistical
Load More Replies... BP rotates the same topics over and over. America, Things in Work, (no)Children, Same AITA stories. It is really boring after all this time….
Commenting and liking feeds the algorithm. If you ignore them completely they will dissappear
Load More Replies...
Ive known since i was 10 that I didnt want kids. I had to raise my 4 brothers and sisters. That was enough "child rearing" for me. Bit i don't have a husband and 2.5 kids so I cant get birth control or tubes tied either. I'm also too poor and my family medical history is *all* kinds of messed up (everything from mental illnesses to Gastro paresis (paralyzed digestive system) to IBS to Crohn's to heart conditions.)
If you don't want children don't have them, because it is not true that a mother ALWAYS love her child. Sometimes the child is an unloved burden on the mother, and I don't think such a child has a good chance of a happy life.
I WAS that child (she wanted me only to manipulate me and secure a future) so im definitely not gonna have kids... I don't want to be her. I have enough trauma for myself- I don't want to pass it along to an innocent being..
Load More Replies... As I mentioned in one of my replies above, I knew at 14 I didn't want them. I'm 61 now and guess what? I *still* don't want them and thank God every day I don't have them. Ladies - when someone accuses you of being selfish (which, admittedly is a valid reason) tell them you're not selfish, you're *self-aware*. I knew how hard it would be and I also knew my limits.
I want kids, but I have really bad anger issues so I know it's not a good idea for me to have them
For me, I understand that children require more than love. What frustrates me the most is people that say, "my love is all they'll EVER need". I not only think that's selfish and codependent, but I think it's extremely irresponsible. Children also require time, structure, money, resources, stability, and many other things. What if your kid has a lifelong illness? Are you fully prepared for everything that comes with that, for LIFE? I've even witnessed people say they love their kids on one hand, but on the other hand, they don't protect them, they don't teach them, they can't provide, and the list goes on and on... but somehow that's love!? No! That's called delusion. I'm admittingly selfish and I'm not willing to give that up. I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it. I can't do that with kids. I don't care about being judged for being child free. Unlike most parents, I think about everything. It doesn't seem like people do that anymore.
I don't agree with people who say you are being selfish if you don't have children. I was told that by my mom when I was a teenager when I told her I didn't want kids. All that kept going through my mind was, who am I being selfish to? Myself? If my mother wanted more children she could have adopted or become a foster parent. None of that happened. This is your life. No one else and you only have one.
Here's my reasons. Firstly, I'm not cis and AFAB. I do not want to be dealing with a gross pregnancy body, it would be so uncomfortable and not me. So that rules out carrying my own child. Secondly, my ideal career path involves international travel, irregular hours and basically devoting my life to it. I want that, it's something I'm really invested in, but that's no situation for a child to grow up in. Thirdly, my grandmother is a narcissist and for some reason I am her favourite child. Spiting her by not having kids would make me feel I'd done my bit getting back at how she's treated my mother. Four, I don't particularly like children. I find them very annoying and loud and dirty. I have short patience and I would not be able to deal with that. No, I don't want kids. I want a family of geese, four dogs, the ability to afford video games when I want and an interesting job in wildlife conservation. And I'd be very very happy with that.
When my fiancée and I met we clicked instantly and even discussed children (I was under the impression that I really want them) anyway about 1 year into the relationship and a little reddit addiction (so not sorry) my views changed completely. I've been scared of pregnancy for all of my teenage years and even now with 29. We're pretty committed then and are still. I played directly with open cards and told him that I reconsidered having kids and if he still wanted them, we should split. He said he would rather be together with me than have kids, when I reminded him that he might regret it and would hate me, he said that wouldn't be possible. We are going strong for almost 4 years now and will be getting married in December this year. We talked about adoption especially when his nephew was born last year. It didn't come lightly and we are constantly checking if it's OK with one another. I guess my SO changed his mind like I did, when we had to watch his 13 year old other nephew for a weekend a month. It was pretty exhausting and we both love him but we were so glad when we got to be alone again. That's when we decided we would rather be a cool uncle and aunt. Especially cause we both love ro travel, game and sleep in. And if people say we should split cause we don't want the heartache later in life, I've got a colleague 30 years my senior. He and his wife decided against kids cause she has severe medical issues and he said to me that kids would be nice but didn't have to be. So here we a have a cool aunt and uncle pretty happy with their relationship and life in itself and I believe my soon to be husband and I can achieve that as well 😊 (Especially with the blessing from his mom and grandmother - one of them said and I quote "if I could suck them back in and abort, I would do it")
A godparent is a way to be a parent without being an actual parent.
Load More Replies...
My own reasons 1: kids are annoying 2: I wanna do my own thing 3: babies and teens I'm cool with but everything in-between is just uggh 4: I'm bipolar and I don't want to accidentally hurt my own baby
Man, this thread is depressing. Many of these are legit concerns, many boil down to “Don’t want kids, don’t have em”. That’s all cool, but there’s just as many positives too! I looove my kids and happy we had em.
Why can't you just accept that everyone doesn't want that life? Why is it so hard? How exactly does it affect YOUR life that people don't want kids?
Load More Replies...
Don't want them, don't have them. Don't pretend you know what it is like to have them from your own limited data. I think we would all prefer that people who don't want them don't have them. Who wants to be raised by someone who doesn't want them?
You made a point and then kept rambling. Why are you mad that people who don't want kids aren't having them?
Load More Replies...
Having a child is selfish there’s millions of kids in this world that need better. When I was 8 I was up for adoption it was horrible I went to 5 foster homes they all brought me back because they said I was to much and to country all of them said that. Until I was 10 they moved me to San Antonio, Tx it was only three days I got adopted by this young couple George and Norma it was the best day of my life!!! My life turned around I went to school and college got my self a job bought my self a 600 acer ranch. I’m not bragging about my life I’m saying you could give a child a new life teach them, love them, care for them because every kid in this world needs your love and warmth. You can change their life around just like George and Norma did for me.
Bounced around in foster care myself. I was 5 when it started. all the wrong reasons to be taken as well. Even my adoption at age 12 isnt legal for several reasons. I was always smarter, more open minded, empathetic, and caring than the people raising me. They hated it. Save one. Her hisband left her because she wanted kids later she took me in for one of the group placement homes a few weeks after my 8th birthday. She had to get rid of me for her mental heath. She was in her later 40s early 50s possibly early 60s. I k kw she was not 40 and i know she was younger than 70.i was 8 so honestly didn't care because she was good to me. I met her mother's and sisters. They were horrible to her. They were putting so much pressure on the woman threatening her and trying to force her to marry somebody to keep me. I think the pressure go to much. I got taken again. time out all day no food water or bathroom breaks. Only asked what we were having for brunch. Too late/early for breakfast or lunch.
Load More Replies...
More than anything I have always wanted a child. I wanted to be pregnant, feel the baby move for the first time, kick etc. I had 4 miscarriages and we stopped trying. As time went on and I watched my family and my husbands family, I understand why the universe didn't want us to have kids. It still kills me to go to baby showers and see people with new babies and know I will never have that but with how mental our families are it would have been a c**p shoot.
When I was thirteen, I made the decision to never have kids. My sister & mother both said I'd change my mind. Well, here I am almost 40 years later - childless. This is a decision I have never regretted, nor will I ever regret. For one pair of simple facts: Kids require time and money. I've always had time and no money, or money and no time.
Because when I was a kid, we were rarely allowed into adult spaces (pubs, bars, restaurants, gyms). If you were... you'd better damn well behave and if you don't, you'll be swiftly removed and punished by your embarrassed parents. Now, the little shits are allowed everywhere and anywhere with little to no discipline or respect for the fact that it's a "grown up space" where you should consider it a privilege to be allowed and ought to be seen and not heard. Infants are allowed to sit there and play with the noisiest toys, throw food on the floor, run amok around a restaurant and then throw a tantrum and start to scream and bawl when they are tired and irritable. I am determined one day to sit in the Early Learning Centre or some soft playground, drinking wine, smoke cigars (I don't even smoke), play Grunge music (I hate Grunge), swearing loudly and breaking s**t just to even the score a little and spoil their protected space!!!
We went to a restaurant once with 2 small kids. They behaved well, I thought. No whining or running around, but they're kids, so some cauliflower fell on the floor and such. A group of ppl was watching us. I was like: awww they just love our kids. Later: oh wait, were they annoyed? LOL Ever since I only went to the Mac Donalds play ground part. Go yell and have fun. https://youtu.be/YHxVfs4UiOs
Load More Replies...
Edit: This is my experience and I am happy to see so many people being real with themselves about whether they want children: I never saw myself as a mom and it was a big ol’ surprise when we found out I was heavily pregnant. However, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. BUT I realise that we have been incredibly lucky with our situation. I had a great pregnancy, pretty awesome kid, minimal disruption to our social life, and we travel with her quite a bit (extensively overseas prior to COVID) What makes it hard at times is that along with working full time and I am building a startup - which can cause stress, however we’ve mostly gotten into a routine now. We are not the norm I guess. I also feel having been an animal foster for some time prepared me for having the forethought, love and patience when things were extra stressful. Yes daycare is expensive, no we don’t have any other help, we have no family in the country we live (but could always move to be closer).
KIDS ARE JUST TERRIFYING? They scare me okay? They make me so uncomfortable, screaming, crying, the inappropriate jokes, the annoying nursery rhymes. Pregnancy is scary. They're always trying to kill themselves. Just to grow up and leave you to never call text or even say I love you. That's just my experience with my cousins and siblings. I just do not like children and I feel like that should be more normalized!
I don't understand why people feel like they need a reason not to have kids. I think a better question is why someone would want a child.
As someone who grew up in an extremely religious and incredibly toxic environment where I was told/taught by just about every adult in my life that it's a person's duty to have at least 2 kids to sustain the earth's population and gods will, I have zero desire to have a child. Mental health in my family is crippling and to pass it on would be irresponsible and psychotic. Further more, cancer and early mortality also runs in my family. My family breathed down my neck my whole childhood with the idea of having children. To the point where they made me terrified of getting rid of my childhood toys because I'd pass them on one day. Also, and this is my main reason above all else, I'm lesbian. I lived in fear my whole childhood because of that fact. I grew up not wanting to disappoint my highly religious family knowing they'd be disappointed if I'd never have kids. For me, bringing a kid in this world is the worst thing I can imagine.
Raising a kid is just hard. There're so many things you have to teach them cause of the shitty world we live in. Social constructs (like gender), CORRECT value systems, self expression, etc. Its just not possible to tell them everything. And I wouldn't know where to start. Another reason is the fact that I'm physically disabled. Chronic pain. If i had a biological child (which probably wouldn't happen since im scared of pregnancy and I'm asexual) i would be really anxious about the kid having it too, and if they do get it, i wouldn't be able to help them and help myself at the same time. Chronic illnesses like this take a lot of time to figure out, diagnose and "treat". Physical therapy few times a week, gym, lots of pills (like steroids). I wouldn't do that to a child. Next thing is sensory issues. I'm neurodivergent and kids are loud and sticky. They don't know what personal space is and are way too energetic. I wouldn't know how to take care of them and not get a sensory meltdown.
Never wanted one .. then found out I couldnt have one... Now after egg donation and 5 years later I am a parent. And she is the most spectacular person. The very best part of my whole existence. Shes the reason I was born. Sometimes what you dont think you want turns out to be what you needed all along.
With ALL the birth control methods available, there's no reason or "excuse"(for some people) to get pregnant unless you want to.
I have no paternal instincts. Brotherly instincts at most. Couple that with my social ineptitude, unwillingness to have a relationship (necessary for a nuclear family) and planning for a military civilian job (definitely not going to have enough time to create another human being) I just don't think I'd be a good dad.
Sterilised at 20, hysterectomy at 40 .. chances of me having kids = 0. Living my happily ever after 100%
I don't like children, if I had my way there would be child free planes, children free restaurants, child free everything, shopping transportation, holidays, beaches, swimming pools, they ruin peace and tranquility due to screaming like banshees .. if you must feel that you need one, go buy a huge cage and train It ...
Ok well this 1 maybe a new 1 but it's takes 2 very skilled educated & loving & responsible & respectable & both a mother & father need to be civil & good to each other & be mentally healthy & have personal lifelong goals with their physical health & both a mother & father need to be good if not excellent in being able to give not be takers & be good at who is going to proved what when how where & why & both a mother & father need to have goals along time frames in both of their lives that r making a father & mother only progress & building their portfolios so that a mother & a father have assets & wealth they build during their required life long marriage see when u show children these healthy relationship skills u work at for as long as a mother & father r blessed to live & stay married u show children how to do the same thing & develop the same ways so they have a good enough reasons to continue that healthy lifelong marriage having the ability to last generations
I'm so glad I never got married or became a parent. Neither would have ever gone well. Fortunately, I've been able to live my life as I chose to do so and ultimately experienced so much more not having any rugrats disrupting my life. Kids are noisy, disruptive, nagging menaces that I can absolutely do without. Sorry, but procreation will have to find another way.
No worries..it surely will. For millenia people have f!#ked..had kids..and survived. I didn't want kids either.
Load More Replies...
I don't think I could ever love a human child as much as I love my dogs. And - this might sound insane - I don't want any human child to come in and take any of the resources I devote to said dogs. I'd really rather just have more dogs (and other critters)! 🐩
Raising kids SUCKS!!!!! I never wanted kids. But...got pregnant early...17. Then married at 19. We both had a child and my hubby thought we should have 1 of our own. So we did. Then the 3rd was a HUGE OOPS!!! I do love my kids. They are funny and sweet. But OMG...the daily struggles are insane. I'm absolutely exhausted. My 18 is on his own now, but his teen yrs were brutal. My 15 I fear will never leave and become permanently bonded to his Xbox to the point we'll have to get it surgically removed from him. And my 9 is a good girl, but I am having severe anxiety attacks about when she starts her period. I am petrified!! In conclusion...DONT HAVE KIDS!!!
My oldest son is serving a 7yr sentence in prison and I tried everything since he was 14 to stir him in the right way. As a single mom, father was absent parent and never wanted to be part of his life. I'm a good person, a Christian and a public servant and I just feel so ashamed that my Son ended up this way, Im so ashamed and sometimes I want to ask God why? What was the purpose of having a child like him or Children, specially when they take nothing after you and put you through hell which I'm still going through...
I'm really impatient, have a nasty temper, and I've always struggled with empathy. There's no way I'd be a good parent and I'm not about to ruin a kids life because "it's different when it's yours"
When people talk about how much bigger families (6-10 kids) years ago and they say it was to work on the farm, I tell them it's because they didn't have birth control.
I decided to remain childfree because I didn't want to lose my money, freedom, or sanity. Bringing a kid into this world is like breeding more animals even though there are millions in shelters - totally ignorant, arrogant and irresponsible.
Choosing not to have children is not selfish or self centred. It is a valid choice and a smart one when you really don't feel any desire to have children. I love my daughter to pieces and I have no regrets about having her but if I had my life over, I would definitely make different choices, and I probably would have never had a child.
The tokophobia one hits right at home for me. I have nightmares of becoming pregnant. I also know that it’s expensive to raise kids and the anxiety of wanting them to turn out okay when you didn’t and you don’t want the cycle to continue makes the whole idea so much worse.
What I take away from this is: children are undesirable because childless adults don't want to make sacrifices, they're scared of all the possible ways that things could go wrong and so don't want to even try, and they have some bizarre idea that children are "for" literally any other human being. If they don't want children, I'm not interested in changing their minds, but people need to know that children aren't "for" anyone; parents are "for" the children.
Taking away the world being s**t for a moment, these are my personal issues with having children: depression, anxiety, possible autism, biraciality, being LGBT, anger management issues, no parental nature, family history of cancer and Alzheimer's, and the best reason: I do not care to have one. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do we need a goddamn reason to not have children? Plenty of idiots are (and those not so stupid), why do you care that each and every individual has a kid? It's like asking a person why their favorite color is their favorite. Just leave it the hell alone.
Reading all of this while my toddler is sitting in my lap watching peppa pig. Nothing in life can prepare you for having kids. If you don't want them that's ok. The world doesn't need more unwanted children, born to poverty or to any kind of illness. F what everyone is saying. They will not raise your child if anything happens
For me, a big reason is that I'm just not sure I'd be able to raise them "properly." If they grow up unhappy, I'd just hate myself for failing and bringing someone into the world just to make them miserable. And then I also worry about any hidden genetic surprises I might pass onto them.
Honestly did the no kid thing til late, married my wife with 3 kids. I have been there from 2 and 5yo and honestly you don't know what you're missing without them. Yes it's work but good things take effort. The oldest was 13 when his father passed. He's been a chore but I hold hope. I didn't enter wanting kids but she is with it and they are too.
That's fine for you. I've managed to live for 69 years being blissfully child-free. I have enough on my plte taking care of other people's.
Load More Replies...
I like the free and easy nature of my life too much to do that. I don't even feel the urge. So that's that. Besides, having gone through a violent childhood, I really don't want to turn into my old man and continue that f*cked up cycle.
Tokophobia for me. How anyone calmly discusses childbirth is beyond me. my brain thins "Don't you know where they come out of??!!!!" There just aren't enough drugs. That and climate change and I'm terribly lazy and not that interested. The whole kit-n-kaboodle.
I agree 100% with each & everyone of you! I'm a 69 year old woman who has never once regretted not having children.
Being the oldest sibling, I not only see how much of a toll my little brother takes on my parents, but when they have other stuff to do, I get stuck playing parent. I've had him choke once under my supervision (luckily he was able to cough it out on his own with me patting his back firmly, I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been able to) and I've seen him be sick, I can't imagine being totally responsible for a little human ALL the time. And while I would be a good mother, I just don't want to be. I do love kids though, and I want to be an elementary school teacher in the future. If I do ever have kids, they'll be adopted teens.
I do have kids, I love them and dreamed about being a a Mom.... but I screwed up with the Father I chose, now I'm stuck, trying to raise them and heal myself at the same time. No regrets? Kind of hard to tell.
My experience is that one, average (read: what people would call normal) kid in a two person, healthy relationship is feasible. But so many people who have one kid end up having multiple, without being able to properly manage them, and without any outside support that it just rightfully embitters the experience for so many others.
I hate the idea of identity loss and freedom. I was heavily emotionally abused and forced into isolation as a teen, being locked in my room 24/7, and I was homeschooled and had no friends. Now I'm 20, in college, living with my mom and new dad (disowned my biological father), with a bunch of friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a job, this is the greatest part of my life and the idea of losing all that for some drooling meatloaf is just extremely unappealing. The idea of being pregnant sounds awful, especially considering I love the way I look and don't want to change it or feel consistently sick for 9 months. I have PTSD and I'm autistic and I don't think I'm stable enough, especially considering I tend to be sensitive to noise. Maybe I'll change my mind some day, but it won't be for a while.
They're too expensive, I like my sleep, and I get irritated very easily.
I like kids, I work with them as a therapist and teacher and I love that. But I still don't want to have any of my own. My job teaches me every day what a challenge raising kids is and I am certain I am not capable of it. On the other hand, I love my job and the kids I work with so much I wouldn't want to leave them for months or even years.
30 examples of self-centered sociopathy. Wouldn't surprise me if a handful went on to shoot up a couple schools...
I would like to have kids but I know it's not a good idea (for now at least) so I don't. I can't afford them, I like sleep, and I know I have to work on sensory issues that I know they would make worse.
As a child who was born unplanned, and the wrong gender, I was resented all my life. My father had a family before. They did not even raise me. So - that's what makes me a pro-choice, do not be forced to bring a child into this world unless you absolutely want to. You will save a lot of heartache. Funny that no one really thinks about all this from the child's point of view...
My own parents were enough of a reason not to have any. Couldn't imagine them as grandparents.
I would never have kids because A.) I do not, and likely will never have the sanity to take care of a child, and B.) Have three siblings who, unless they decide to go childfree, can give my mom all the grandkids she wants. Idgaf.
I agree. You're responsible for a whole human from the time they pop out to the time they're no longer minors, and even after, they're still connected to us in ways they won't be to anyone else. It's a lifelong title and responsibility not to be taken lightly.
Kids these days are so dumb, the economic system is depressive and is only getting worse. Too much child trafficking, and the state of the world is in shambles. Women who have kids think they will have a disney-esque marriage when men are not biologically built to enjoy one woman for life. They entrap the man with kids and ignore the man's needs. Mental health issues, population issues, to have kids just to force your beliefs upon them and produce more labor rats. This world is cruel enough, why force another being to endure what you hated.
i rather adopt a child since i have a huge fear that i may die giving birth. i fear this because ill never see the child grow up and my husband may have to raise the child on his own. so i rather not risk my life and adopt a child in need
I've been told by multiple people on multiple occasions that I'd make a wonderful father. I don't doubt that, however I can barely take care of myself, so why would I want to take care of kids? I like having the freedom to do what I want when I want how I want. If something happened and got someone pregnant I would do the right thing and man up, but I guarantee it wouldn't be easy.
I have struggled with chronic Epstein-Barr my whole adult life and its common for me to have extreme fatigue episodes. I also have Lipedema, which is a fat disorder and is commonly exacerbated significantly by pregnancy. Simply put, I don't think I have the physical stamina for pregnancy and child raising. I think it would ruin my health and my body. Women don't talk enough about the long-term consequences of pregnancy and child raising on their physical health.
What makes me not want to have kids? Being around other people's kids.
i personally have a very thin band of control and would never want that to be put on a kid as both my parents have the same thin band and i am in a horrible mental state . also im not very responsible and dont want to neglect a kid. long story short dont want to ruin a kid. i might adopt an older kid when i get older but not a really young child
The headline suggests people want kids by default, when I don't think that's the case. Disinterest is self explanatory, but I put it this way: Whatever experience you had that made you want kids, I either didn't have it, or didn't react the same as you. As a child I daydreamed about being an adult all the time but never about being a parent. Whenever I see a father and son, I never identify with the Dad. I see only my past, not my future. I grew up with several married relatives that weren't ever having kids and it was never an issue, so all options were known. I also joke that I wasn't interested in kids even when I was one. I was always more interested in adults.
I honest to goodness wish I could understand why ppl want kids (or have a drive to have them) but I simply DONT. and I hate because literally everyone acts like I'm either terrible, selfish, stupid, crazy, or that ill "have them someday" i am so sick of this mentality. I'm tired of being called selfish when the main reason I don't want kids is tokophobia, the state of the world and my physical and mental illnesses. I'm so fvcking sick of this world..
Being a parent means coming to grips with pain. I grew up unprotected from an abusive father Yet, when I became a victim of the Dalkon Shield device and told I’d never be a parent - I wanted a baby in the worst way. IVF left me infertile poorer and second-guessing myself. We adopted -- a beautiful 7 week old baby boy. I was never happier - I was part of a happy family that was/is full of love - for 16 years. Needless to say - that was when the pain set in - it’s called adolescence. He is an adult on his own living 2000 mi away - I am happy - when he is happy. I know he loves us but getting him to love himself - honestly - is another issue altogether. So, while I don’t love the pain - I acknowledge it as a fact of life - whether it’s brought on by kids or other factors.
I don’t regret having kids but it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have 3 children 14,12 and 11. Two boys and a girl. The guy I had them with left before my daughter was born. No contact since then. I have been raising them myself. My 12 year old is autistic and has adhd. I have been in a relationship for 10 years. He has two boys ages 20 and 16. We have lived separate for over 5 years now because sometimes blending children does not work. We love each other and will spend the rest of lives together but having to live separate is so very difficult. I love being a mom and love my children but I would never tell someone to have kids.
I have a congenital birth defect that I f*****g refuse to pass down, I’m currently trying to get sterilized but I’m only 23 so it’s been a giant pain in the a*s.
Sterilization of one or both parties in a marriage can be a factor. ;) [Yah, one kid was enough!]
I was the oldest daughter of 5, and then some extended family members moved into our house from a bad situation, so there were several small children and 3 babies. I was mini-Mom, with no time to myself at home. I had to give up my bedroom for my grandparents; I had a reclining chair for sleep, a dresser in the living room, and 1 bookshelf for my things. I fell asleep in my classes, my grades plummeted, I failed out of the nice high school I'd gotten into. I eventually got sent to live with other family members who were unwilling to help with the rest of the extended family situation (but always rubbed it in that they "took me in" as if I was some kind of delinquent... not even close!) I love my little siblings and cousins fiercely. They were so cute... I would often fall asleep holding the little ones (they didn't have beds then either). Watching them grow up has been amazing. All the things I sacrificed so that they could be okay, I couldn't possibly take back. But this has...(cont'd)
(wow, I guess Bored Panda doesn't do line breaks in comments? 😑 Anyway...) ... But this has left me with a strong feeling of "I've already done it." I've already made major, deeply difficult, permanent alterations to the course of my own life for the well-being of a gaggle of little children and babies, who I loved so mind-bogglingly much that I was 100% willing to go without the opportunities and personal life milestones I will never be able to get back. Parenthood holds no novely for me now. I may not have done it as an adult with control over my own life, but I've already experienced all of the feelings, hardships, joys, closed doors and sacrifices. I don't have any inner need to do it again.
Load More Replies...
Genetic health issues including severe mental illness, generational trauma, personal trauma, my inability to coordinate my own s**t (how would I coordinate someone else's too?), the state of the world, the state of the US, etc, etc.
1. I had baby nephews and sibling when I was 13. Best contraception, EVER. 2. Selfishness? Or self-careishness. I have chronic illnesses and mental ill health. 3. State of the planet. 4. State of the planet’s population. 5. Can’t rule out risk of multiple pregnancy. (Sister had bio-identical twins so my risk is naturally increased). 6. Cats are much easier. 7. Even as a kid, I avoided the “homey” areas at playgroup. No kitchen, no babies, no prams. 8. Lack of equity. It all falls to mum. In the 1950’s perhaps that worked. But nowadays, kid is sick? School calls mum (in the majority of instances). 9. I would refuse to use people for support. My sister had mum, and now dad running around to her tune as her husband left. 10. Can’t guarantee a “healthy” child. My friends son was severely disabled due to birth errors. My sisters son was healthy until 17, rare virus, brain damaged, mobility issues, severe epilepsy. 11. Kids are forever, not just for 18 years.
One thing that really makes me laugh about this topic is the notion that people need to have kids to take care of them when they are old. I cannot tell you how many people I have known that are totally gobsmacked that their kids don't have time for them and some don't even communicate with their parents that much. And then there is the other disaster that nobody talks about... the kids have kids and leave them with the grandparents to raise. I know of one woman who adopted a girl....at 16 she had a child , handed the responsibility of raising back to her mom because she couldn't handle it, and then went on to have more kids...which she raised. I lost contact with the family- don't know how things turned out. Oh, the kid that was given to granny to raise..he was divorced twice before he was 30. And yes - he had a kid too. It's really nuts.
My reason is that I'm hideously ugly, and no woman would want to have a child that looks like me. I don't blame them either.
Sleep!! There are several reasons I do not want kids, but #1 is that I love and need my sleep. If I don’t sleep well for several nights, I get grumpy and angry and I don’t like myself. When you have kids, you don’t ever get a chance to sleep well! No thank you! I’ll stick with kittens! 🐈⬛
I strongly believe that if someone doesn't want kids then they shouldn't have them... But! Do not get annoyed or pissed at parents who try to have family dinner out or the parent who is just trying to get the shopping done. Remember, when we need the next generation to take over as we age out. Side note, had i be able to see the mental health problems that developed, i would not have had kids. I love them but i feel I'm not giving them what they need and want. It hurts.
We had our son young and are now free of responsibility and it’s fantastic.
My responses over the years when asked why my wife and I don’t have any kids varies. 1. My wife and I figured out what causes kids and we stopped. 2. We thought we would wait until we are mature enough to raise kids. (I’m 69 years old now.) 3. We would be the perfect parents and don’t want to show up our friends and make them jealous. We are doing it for you. 4. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?
I like kids in the same way that i like horses and Newton's Cradles. I like them, I have fun with them. But i like them for other people. I like going over and saying hi, maybe playing a few games. I would not enjoy having my own, because as terrible as it sounds, they are expensive and I would tire of them quickly. I am much better at and am much happier being the Aunty figure.
My former upstairs neighbour obviously doted on his two little girls. But, I got fed up with him playing hide and seek with them at ten o'clock on a Wednesday night, when other people - me for example - are in bed trying to sleep.
A lot of this hit home. I never really wanted kids but have been pregnant. Once by assault. Lost each one and blamed myself for it while constantly having people tell me I would be such a good mom. I have so much trauma I did not want to pass on. Later married a man with two daughters. The youngest was in her late teens when we got married. I still damaged that relationship - not even my own biological child - because of untreated mental health issues. I know it goes both ways but I own my part, and fwiw that was the push I needed to finally start unpacking the decades of abuse I have survived. I do love both of my husband’s daughters but cannot ever envision being close to them.
Most of these are ppl complaining about children whose parents taught them to be sh*tty in one way or the other. Most of my life I thought I hated kids. Turns out it's their parents and their behaviour I hate. Well, in many cases it's only when the adults enter the parenting-role that I hate them. I have some friends that are so great! But I don't think they are good at parenting which results in badly behaved children that demands so much attention.
Good the world doesn't need more whinny people like you, that the idea of raising innocent souls disgusts you so much. Only have kids if your capable of loving someone other than yourself. If you treat them like mistakes and burdens then yes they'll grow up to be little shits like their parents. Kids and babies are the BEST people in the whole world because they know nothing of hatred that is something thats learned from pessimists like you who are blind to all the beauty on this planet. Raise them with love and they'll be good, happy people, if not they'll grow up to be as miserable as you.
So much to unpack. I planned my children, I loved them and gave up myself and everything I was for them willingly. The sore nipples, the sleepless nights, night after night whilst I watched their father sacrifice nothing, continuing his life like a single man, including his girlfriends one after the other. No matter. I loved, I gave, I gave up myself. When I finally gave up the marriage, finally understanding that I married an immature, selfish, egotistical, inauthentic and dishonest man-child, and then was confronted by the hate that only the hate of children can effect you. Hate based on the lies of a patent who gave up nothing, lived the single life and gaslighted me and the children. Then I realised how I should never have had children, for their sake, not mine. The pain of losing your children in this circumstance is beyond words.
Lot of these i can relate to. I like the freedom to go to conversations n travel. The world is shitshow that i cant justify bringing a kid into (especially going into psychology) i dont have the body to handle it (im very short n skinny). I have genetic condition that can be very frustrating to deal with. Id 100% rather adopt
Besides just not liking children, I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, and epilepsy. Also, being on social security and making less than $11,000 annually (which means I have to live at home), there is no way I could ever afford everything needed to raise a child. Lastly, one of my dogs isn't kid friendly.
If you love kids and choose to have good for you ☺️. If you don't like them to much and don't want, please have sex with protection and make sure you never have, and even if that does not work there are plenty of programs for people that does not want kids and they can place them on a lovely family that can't have one on their own. If you want to adopt, good for you too ☺️. There are a lot of different ways to form your own family, people stop judging others just because you don't think the same as them.
While I enjoyed and loved my kids, you have no real clue as to what your partner and their influencers will devolve into.
So many topics lately about not wanting kids and no topics how people actually are happy that they have kids or actually want them. Why is that so?
There are a billion articles of pro parent propaganda. It's about time the stigma of wanting to remain child free is removed, because we are STILL judged by angry parents who either didn't know they had a choice or just had so little sense they didn't even consider if it was a good idea or not
Load More Replies...
No one mentioned the potential child justice system railroading you, because your ex lied and they don't care. 120,000 dollars and counting and that's for losing
I have kids, I absolutely adore them and love them soooo much. I'm single mom of two.. it's very difficult to raise kids on my own. HONESTLY I thinks age 2, 3 and 4 are absolutely WORST, WORST!!!! my last baby who is 3 now omg. Just omg! Lol. If I could rewind time, I would rather adopt older children lol. But I don't regrettably having them. I just can't wait for my last baby to turn 5 in two years later cuz my oldest son who is 5 now and he's absolutely ANGEL I absolutely love that boy! I love my last baby as well it's just man, toddler sure driving a parent nuts!!! Lol. And this is why I got tubes tied as well. I'm so done having kids and I'm absolutely don't want to go through toddler phase all over again as well. So if you are a person don't want any children then it's understandable, they are alot of work that's for sure!
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then😂😁
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then.
No worries I am working on having lots of kids for you. They are the best thing that could happen to a human being, sure its hard, but it makes you less centered on yourself, if you are a lover of self, without natural affection, don't have them.
When I was in my 20s, I shared pretty much all the thoughts listed here about kids. But things started to change after I turned 30. I felt my life was just keeping running after goals, each goal became less meaningful after achieve d. My kid has provided an anchor for me in life. I get to build a relationship with someone deeply and experience life all over again with him. It's like planting a little tree. Like gardening, parenting is hardwork but it's also very rewarding. Yes we are all flawed and we probably will all unconsciously cause damage to our kids. But as long as you love them, you will want to improve yourself too. I grow with my kid every day, as a parent, also as an individual.
I have kids. I do not regret them one bit. I was told I wouldn't be able to carry a child, and that tore me up inside. Then unexpectedly I got pregnant by someone that I wasn't serious with. I was just a fling and we both were ok with that. Long story short, her bio dad chose not to stick around. It was a shock to both of us when I actually carried a child unlike what the doctor stated before. It's been a struggle giving her the correct parenting by myself. If it wasn't for my mom, idk what I would have done with work, school, ect. What worse than being a single parent to a beautiful baby, is years later having a son that passed at 2 month, 2 weeks, and 2 days. Yes I hate the number 2. It kills a part of you. Today actually makes the 3rd year since he passed. I'm scared of even if my daughter has kids when she is older. I'm terrified something could happen to her baby, AND SHE'S ONLY 12! It puts a dark cloud on having a baby. Some things you can't control and losing a child that you love changes you.
Lol yes they are love hate relationship!!! I agree with a lot of the captions but you always forget old age!!!! What happens when your spouse dies and your alone or disabled? Pretty sure you wished you had a family to take care you!!! Nope nursing home and you die alone.... Kids are a burden with benefits for sure and beat any darn video game!!! Plus who do you leave all your stuff too?
Raising a children is the sweetest experience of my life. Nothing worthwhile is often easy! No amount of travel, comforts, girls trips, spa days or quiet nights in could ever replace the joys of family life and and parenthood. This is honestly the saddest collection of comments I've ever read. Children bring light to a home and to the world- if they don't, that's on us as parents and mentors. If you fret about the state of the world, then change it by raising powerful humans who will do good!
#32 Kids grow up to be assholes who hate people not just like them. At least in your case.
Load More Replies...
Honestly, some decent responses on this list but a LARGE portion of it is just "Cause I don't wanna" rephrase. I get that's the point of the list, but when paired with some of the actual good points in the article a lot of it just feels like filler in comparison. I respect it though. I enjoy my daughter, I was doing s**t else but be irresponsible with my life anyways, wanting to be a dad helped me more than hurt. The passing on of trauma one is one that hits home the most so I'm always scared of overparenting or messing up in some way that continues instead of breaking the cycle. But, that made me actually confront and try to fix my own s**t instead of sinking in it. Again, I always respect people taking precautions to prevent pregnancy though instead of being one of those "You shouldn't be a parent, parents" so nice list of reasons and seeing other perspective.
All these people will likely have kids at some point. It’s the same ole song and dance until the biological clock starts ticking.
Sounds to me like you think everybody has the resources to do what you did.
Load More Replies...
. Have some respect for the others, we speak about giving life, here. I guess you have or want a child, i respect that. But I hope for them to not have your mentality.
Load More Replies...
I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and having her has changed my life in some hugely positive ways BUT if I knew then what I know now I doubt I'd do it again. Not just for my sake but hers too. Having children is so very utterly selfish and what we are "programmed" to want. Poor mites have no idea what awaits them.
Honest question from someone who has no kids: why do you think having children is selfish? All I usually see is talk about the sacrifices that need to be made to be a good parent. Where does selfishness come into it? Is it the "programming?"
Load More Replies... I think a lot of parents do, too. I don't think people who intentionally planned kids were sitting around thinking, "I just have WAY too much money and free time. I'll have a kid. That'll fix it." A lot of people have a deep desire to have children. They know it's going to be hard work and sacrifice and they do it anyway because they simply could not be fulfilled otherwise. Me. I have no desire to have kids. So I enjoy my quiet house, sleeping in until noon on the weekend, fabulous trips, etc. I've got a very short list of worries and it is Glorious.
Load More Replies... 1, I don't feel any need or desire to have them. My partner feels the same. 2, I've never felt a bond with any child under 15. Sure I can find them cute, smile when I see an adorable picture of a baby, but that's about it. Their crying irritates me, their - natural - needy, clingy behaviour drives me crazy. I appreciate adult company, and don't enjoy being among kids. 3, I like my life as it is and hope to continue without disruption. 4, I can be a responsible caretaker, but I don't enjoy it. I was a live in nanny for 18 months. I did my job, cared for the children as needed. Then left them without even a sigh, and never for one moment missed them. I was told a million times that I will love them so much. I did not. 5, The world had enough of us. I feel the best thing for an individual to do for this planet is not have kids, plant trees, cover the ground you have access to (e.g. you garden). 6, I don't feel that my personal genetic material is so special that it must be preserved.
She wasn't even blaming the kids for this. She used 'I feel' phrasing. Just completely easy to read and without the toxicity that we all have actually seen before. Where on earth are people getting the impression of any child hating. "I don't enjoy it" is basically the harshest thing that was said. Jesus, some people really need to go touch grass.
Load More Replies... No kids. Mainly because of the possibility of passing on my mental health issues. I couldn't put another human being through that $hit, not ever.
As someone who inherited severe ADHD when there wasn’t a considerable amount of research on treatments for children and teens I would never want a child to feel like they were a burden.
Load More Replies... As much as it's refreshing to read the honesty in these, it's also sad that so many people still think they get a say in someone else's decision. I'm a proud mum of two (nearly) adult children and I wouldn't change anything. But being a parent is very difficult sometimes, is expensive and absolutely not for everyone. As a species, we're also a far larger burden on our planet than we should be. People shouldn't have to be explaining why they don't want kids.
I got adhd from being raised in an environment wher i was bouncing one place to another or task to task without. Finishing. Neither of my birth parents have it. My half brother has autism. I think genetic mutation or his dad's side or possibly he got it due to medications mom needed to be taking or stress from mum while in the womb. So ADHD is not necessarily passed through genetics.
Load More Replies... I can't have children, which is a pain like no other and something I struggle to deal with constantly, but we have built a lovely life for ourselves. Being childless (even though it's not through choice) gives us freedoms that our parent friends are jealous of and we try hard to make the most of those things.
My favorite excuse isn't even an excuse. I don't want to deal with them. It's my choice because I don't owe anyone kids or grandkids. I don't like them and I don't want them.
YES!! exactly!! Especially cause my friends daughter ran off and left the grandkids with her! She is 70 and having to care for a 3 year old!!!
Load More Replies... I simply never have had an interest in parenthood and like the freedom not having children allows me to have.
This should be higher. Some people still forget all the many medical complications that can happen with pregnancy let alone child birth itself. People still die in childbirth in this country….it’s worse in underdeveloped countries.
Load More Replies... I always worried I would regret it once it was too late to conceive. I'm 61 and I still haven't regretted it 1 day. I kept waiting for that yearning to have a child and it never came. Just an overwhelming desire to rescue animals!
You are literally my role model!! 😂 I love animals to goodness- but I in no way want kids!! Sometimes I wonder if ill someday regret it... and then I remember all my hobbies (art) id have to give up- and I remember why lol xD
Load More Replies... I have one adult daughter and I have always loved being a mom. But it’s not for everyone. I’ve met people who had kids because they felt they “had to” and resented it. I would rather people not have kids and be happy then have them and make everyone—including their kids—miserable.
I am sick and tired of people trying to make my life a shopping list with the highest priority item "have kids". Well peops, it is not yours to decide what I do with my life. Also, there are so many children in the world that do not have parents, are abused or even killed by their parents. Let's safe them first. I won't judge you if you have 20 children. But please don't judge me if I don't want any. I have my life together, I have a loving and caring spouse. We are happy. Why should we change that just to live up to a standard that is fabricated. I live under the premise live and let live. Let people of whatever gender who really want a child have one or many and educate the uneducated so they can make proper decisions in regards to having children (or not)
Not everybody wants to be a Duggar . Im glad 17 and counting with all it's issues has plummeted and i no longer hear about. The bs. They had sonny kids it became a danger to the newborns life and possibly the mother's. That is unhealthy.
Load More Replies... Working at a retail pharmacy for more than two decades. Imagine trying to count pills, type out a prescription, check accuracy of a prescription, talk to a patient, or physician on the phone, or administer a vaccine, while children run around, knocking over stuff, bouncing balls, throwing toys, and screaming? Does that sound safe to you? It's ridiculous how parents let their children act in public.
Exactly! And I have neither the willpower nor strength to run after 3 munchkins for the next 18 years😅... let alone look after their morality, mental state, financial state and everything else...
Load More Replies... Not to mention kids are absolute germ factories and will give you EVERY illness under the sun. Nahh keep them away from me at all costs 😂
I’ve always really really really wanted kids. I love to bits the three that I have. I’d love to have more. It is super rewarding for me. And I am very lucky to have the health and resources to look after them. BUT. It is a lot of work. Like really a lot of work. And it’s expensive. Sometimes it’s very hard. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s very frustrating. I definitely have made a lot of sacrifices for them. I can’t imagine being able to do all of this, and not lose my sanity in the process, if I didn’t want children to begin with or didn’t have the means to provide for them.
I am planning to adopt a kid or something (I don’t really know), but never have kids until they can be put in a world that doesn’t have problems and won’t turn into a burning hot dystopia
See, this is what EVERYONE should be telling themselves but they definitely aren't. It's purely egotistical
Load More Replies... BP rotates the same topics over and over. America, Things in Work, (no)Children, Same AITA stories. It is really boring after all this time….
Commenting and liking feeds the algorithm. If you ignore them completely they will dissappear
Load More Replies... Ive known since i was 10 that I didnt want kids. I had to raise my 4 brothers and sisters. That was enough "child rearing" for me. Bit i don't have a husband and 2.5 kids so I cant get birth control or tubes tied either. I'm also too poor and my family medical history is *all* kinds of messed up (everything from mental illnesses to Gastro paresis (paralyzed digestive system) to IBS to Crohn's to heart conditions.)
If you don't want children don't have them, because it is not true that a mother ALWAYS love her child. Sometimes the child is an unloved burden on the mother, and I don't think such a child has a good chance of a happy life.
I WAS that child (she wanted me only to manipulate me and secure a future) so im definitely not gonna have kids... I don't want to be her. I have enough trauma for myself- I don't want to pass it along to an innocent being..
Load More Replies... As I mentioned in one of my replies above, I knew at 14 I didn't want them. I'm 61 now and guess what? I *still* don't want them and thank God every day I don't have them. Ladies - when someone accuses you of being selfish (which, admittedly is a valid reason) tell them you're not selfish, you're *self-aware*. I knew how hard it would be and I also knew my limits.
I want kids, but I have really bad anger issues so I know it's not a good idea for me to have them
For me, I understand that children require more than love. What frustrates me the most is people that say, "my love is all they'll EVER need". I not only think that's selfish and codependent, but I think it's extremely irresponsible. Children also require time, structure, money, resources, stability, and many other things. What if your kid has a lifelong illness? Are you fully prepared for everything that comes with that, for LIFE? I've even witnessed people say they love their kids on one hand, but on the other hand, they don't protect them, they don't teach them, they can't provide, and the list goes on and on... but somehow that's love!? No! That's called delusion. I'm admittingly selfish and I'm not willing to give that up. I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it. I can't do that with kids. I don't care about being judged for being child free. Unlike most parents, I think about everything. It doesn't seem like people do that anymore.
I don't agree with people who say you are being selfish if you don't have children. I was told that by my mom when I was a teenager when I told her I didn't want kids. All that kept going through my mind was, who am I being selfish to? Myself? If my mother wanted more children she could have adopted or become a foster parent. None of that happened. This is your life. No one else and you only have one.
Here's my reasons. Firstly, I'm not cis and AFAB. I do not want to be dealing with a gross pregnancy body, it would be so uncomfortable and not me. So that rules out carrying my own child. Secondly, my ideal career path involves international travel, irregular hours and basically devoting my life to it. I want that, it's something I'm really invested in, but that's no situation for a child to grow up in. Thirdly, my grandmother is a narcissist and for some reason I am her favourite child. Spiting her by not having kids would make me feel I'd done my bit getting back at how she's treated my mother. Four, I don't particularly like children. I find them very annoying and loud and dirty. I have short patience and I would not be able to deal with that. No, I don't want kids. I want a family of geese, four dogs, the ability to afford video games when I want and an interesting job in wildlife conservation. And I'd be very very happy with that.
When my fiancée and I met we clicked instantly and even discussed children (I was under the impression that I really want them) anyway about 1 year into the relationship and a little reddit addiction (so not sorry) my views changed completely. I've been scared of pregnancy for all of my teenage years and even now with 29. We're pretty committed then and are still. I played directly with open cards and told him that I reconsidered having kids and if he still wanted them, we should split. He said he would rather be together with me than have kids, when I reminded him that he might regret it and would hate me, he said that wouldn't be possible. We are going strong for almost 4 years now and will be getting married in December this year. We talked about adoption especially when his nephew was born last year. It didn't come lightly and we are constantly checking if it's OK with one another. I guess my SO changed his mind like I did, when we had to watch his 13 year old other nephew for a weekend a month. It was pretty exhausting and we both love him but we were so glad when we got to be alone again. That's when we decided we would rather be a cool uncle and aunt. Especially cause we both love ro travel, game and sleep in. And if people say we should split cause we don't want the heartache later in life, I've got a colleague 30 years my senior. He and his wife decided against kids cause she has severe medical issues and he said to me that kids would be nice but didn't have to be. So here we a have a cool aunt and uncle pretty happy with their relationship and life in itself and I believe my soon to be husband and I can achieve that as well 😊 (Especially with the blessing from his mom and grandmother - one of them said and I quote "if I could suck them back in and abort, I would do it")
A godparent is a way to be a parent without being an actual parent.
Load More Replies... My own reasons 1: kids are annoying 2: I wanna do my own thing 3: babies and teens I'm cool with but everything in-between is just uggh 4: I'm bipolar and I don't want to accidentally hurt my own baby
Man, this thread is depressing. Many of these are legit concerns, many boil down to “Don’t want kids, don’t have em”. That’s all cool, but there’s just as many positives too! I looove my kids and happy we had em.
Why can't you just accept that everyone doesn't want that life? Why is it so hard? How exactly does it affect YOUR life that people don't want kids?
Load More Replies... Don't want them, don't have them. Don't pretend you know what it is like to have them from your own limited data. I think we would all prefer that people who don't want them don't have them. Who wants to be raised by someone who doesn't want them?
You made a point and then kept rambling. Why are you mad that people who don't want kids aren't having them?
Load More Replies... Having a child is selfish there’s millions of kids in this world that need better. When I was 8 I was up for adoption it was horrible I went to 5 foster homes they all brought me back because they said I was to much and to country all of them said that. Until I was 10 they moved me to San Antonio, Tx it was only three days I got adopted by this young couple George and Norma it was the best day of my life!!! My life turned around I went to school and college got my self a job bought my self a 600 acer ranch. I’m not bragging about my life I’m saying you could give a child a new life teach them, love them, care for them because every kid in this world needs your love and warmth. You can change their life around just like George and Norma did for me.
Bounced around in foster care myself. I was 5 when it started. all the wrong reasons to be taken as well. Even my adoption at age 12 isnt legal for several reasons. I was always smarter, more open minded, empathetic, and caring than the people raising me. They hated it. Save one. Her hisband left her because she wanted kids later she took me in for one of the group placement homes a few weeks after my 8th birthday. She had to get rid of me for her mental heath. She was in her later 40s early 50s possibly early 60s. I k kw she was not 40 and i know she was younger than 70.i was 8 so honestly didn't care because she was good to me. I met her mother's and sisters. They were horrible to her. They were putting so much pressure on the woman threatening her and trying to force her to marry somebody to keep me. I think the pressure go to much. I got taken again. time out all day no food water or bathroom breaks. Only asked what we were having for brunch. Too late/early for breakfast or lunch.
Load More Replies... More than anything I have always wanted a child. I wanted to be pregnant, feel the baby move for the first time, kick etc. I had 4 miscarriages and we stopped trying. As time went on and I watched my family and my husbands family, I understand why the universe didn't want us to have kids. It still kills me to go to baby showers and see people with new babies and know I will never have that but with how mental our families are it would have been a c**p shoot.
When I was thirteen, I made the decision to never have kids. My sister & mother both said I'd change my mind. Well, here I am almost 40 years later - childless. This is a decision I have never regretted, nor will I ever regret. For one pair of simple facts: Kids require time and money. I've always had time and no money, or money and no time.
Because when I was a kid, we were rarely allowed into adult spaces (pubs, bars, restaurants, gyms). If you were... you'd better damn well behave and if you don't, you'll be swiftly removed and punished by your embarrassed parents. Now, the little shits are allowed everywhere and anywhere with little to no discipline or respect for the fact that it's a "grown up space" where you should consider it a privilege to be allowed and ought to be seen and not heard. Infants are allowed to sit there and play with the noisiest toys, throw food on the floor, run amok around a restaurant and then throw a tantrum and start to scream and bawl when they are tired and irritable. I am determined one day to sit in the Early Learning Centre or some soft playground, drinking wine, smoke cigars (I don't even smoke), play Grunge music (I hate Grunge), swearing loudly and breaking s**t just to even the score a little and spoil their protected space!!!
We went to a restaurant once with 2 small kids. They behaved well, I thought. No whining or running around, but they're kids, so some cauliflower fell on the floor and such. A group of ppl was watching us. I was like: awww they just love our kids. Later: oh wait, were they annoyed? LOL Ever since I only went to the Mac Donalds play ground part. Go yell and have fun. https://youtu.be/YHxVfs4UiOs
Load More Replies... Edit: This is my experience and I am happy to see so many people being real with themselves about whether they want children: I never saw myself as a mom and it was a big ol’ surprise when we found out I was heavily pregnant. However, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. BUT I realise that we have been incredibly lucky with our situation. I had a great pregnancy, pretty awesome kid, minimal disruption to our social life, and we travel with her quite a bit (extensively overseas prior to COVID) What makes it hard at times is that along with working full time and I am building a startup - which can cause stress, however we’ve mostly gotten into a routine now. We are not the norm I guess. I also feel having been an animal foster for some time prepared me for having the forethought, love and patience when things were extra stressful. Yes daycare is expensive, no we don’t have any other help, we have no family in the country we live (but could always move to be closer).
KIDS ARE JUST TERRIFYING? They scare me okay? They make me so uncomfortable, screaming, crying, the inappropriate jokes, the annoying nursery rhymes. Pregnancy is scary. They're always trying to kill themselves. Just to grow up and leave you to never call text or even say I love you. That's just my experience with my cousins and siblings. I just do not like children and I feel like that should be more normalized!
I don't understand why people feel like they need a reason not to have kids. I think a better question is why someone would want a child.
As someone who grew up in an extremely religious and incredibly toxic environment where I was told/taught by just about every adult in my life that it's a person's duty to have at least 2 kids to sustain the earth's population and gods will, I have zero desire to have a child. Mental health in my family is crippling and to pass it on would be irresponsible and psychotic. Further more, cancer and early mortality also runs in my family. My family breathed down my neck my whole childhood with the idea of having children. To the point where they made me terrified of getting rid of my childhood toys because I'd pass them on one day. Also, and this is my main reason above all else, I'm lesbian. I lived in fear my whole childhood because of that fact. I grew up not wanting to disappoint my highly religious family knowing they'd be disappointed if I'd never have kids. For me, bringing a kid in this world is the worst thing I can imagine.
Raising a kid is just hard. There're so many things you have to teach them cause of the shitty world we live in. Social constructs (like gender), CORRECT value systems, self expression, etc. Its just not possible to tell them everything. And I wouldn't know where to start. Another reason is the fact that I'm physically disabled. Chronic pain. If i had a biological child (which probably wouldn't happen since im scared of pregnancy and I'm asexual) i would be really anxious about the kid having it too, and if they do get it, i wouldn't be able to help them and help myself at the same time. Chronic illnesses like this take a lot of time to figure out, diagnose and "treat". Physical therapy few times a week, gym, lots of pills (like steroids). I wouldn't do that to a child. Next thing is sensory issues. I'm neurodivergent and kids are loud and sticky. They don't know what personal space is and are way too energetic. I wouldn't know how to take care of them and not get a sensory meltdown.
Never wanted one .. then found out I couldnt have one... Now after egg donation and 5 years later I am a parent. And she is the most spectacular person. The very best part of my whole existence. Shes the reason I was born. Sometimes what you dont think you want turns out to be what you needed all along.
With ALL the birth control methods available, there's no reason or "excuse"(for some people) to get pregnant unless you want to.
I have no paternal instincts. Brotherly instincts at most. Couple that with my social ineptitude, unwillingness to have a relationship (necessary for a nuclear family) and planning for a military civilian job (definitely not going to have enough time to create another human being) I just don't think I'd be a good dad.
Sterilised at 20, hysterectomy at 40 .. chances of me having kids = 0. Living my happily ever after 100%
I don't like children, if I had my way there would be child free planes, children free restaurants, child free everything, shopping transportation, holidays, beaches, swimming pools, they ruin peace and tranquility due to screaming like banshees .. if you must feel that you need one, go buy a huge cage and train It ...
Ok well this 1 maybe a new 1 but it's takes 2 very skilled educated & loving & responsible & respectable & both a mother & father need to be civil & good to each other & be mentally healthy & have personal lifelong goals with their physical health & both a mother & father need to be good if not excellent in being able to give not be takers & be good at who is going to proved what when how where & why & both a mother & father need to have goals along time frames in both of their lives that r making a father & mother only progress & building their portfolios so that a mother & a father have assets & wealth they build during their required life long marriage see when u show children these healthy relationship skills u work at for as long as a mother & father r blessed to live & stay married u show children how to do the same thing & develop the same ways so they have a good enough reasons to continue that healthy lifelong marriage having the ability to last generations
I'm so glad I never got married or became a parent. Neither would have ever gone well. Fortunately, I've been able to live my life as I chose to do so and ultimately experienced so much more not having any rugrats disrupting my life. Kids are noisy, disruptive, nagging menaces that I can absolutely do without. Sorry, but procreation will have to find another way.
No worries..it surely will. For millenia people have f!#ked..had kids..and survived. I didn't want kids either.
Load More Replies... I don't think I could ever love a human child as much as I love my dogs. And - this might sound insane - I don't want any human child to come in and take any of the resources I devote to said dogs. I'd really rather just have more dogs (and other critters)! 🐩
Raising kids SUCKS!!!!! I never wanted kids. But...got pregnant early...17. Then married at 19. We both had a child and my hubby thought we should have 1 of our own. So we did. Then the 3rd was a HUGE OOPS!!! I do love my kids. They are funny and sweet. But OMG...the daily struggles are insane. I'm absolutely exhausted. My 18 is on his own now, but his teen yrs were brutal. My 15 I fear will never leave and become permanently bonded to his Xbox to the point we'll have to get it surgically removed from him. And my 9 is a good girl, but I am having severe anxiety attacks about when she starts her period. I am petrified!! In conclusion...DONT HAVE KIDS!!!
My oldest son is serving a 7yr sentence in prison and I tried everything since he was 14 to stir him in the right way. As a single mom, father was absent parent and never wanted to be part of his life. I'm a good person, a Christian and a public servant and I just feel so ashamed that my Son ended up this way, Im so ashamed and sometimes I want to ask God why? What was the purpose of having a child like him or Children, specially when they take nothing after you and put you through hell which I'm still going through...
I'm really impatient, have a nasty temper, and I've always struggled with empathy. There's no way I'd be a good parent and I'm not about to ruin a kids life because "it's different when it's yours"
When people talk about how much bigger families (6-10 kids) years ago and they say it was to work on the farm, I tell them it's because they didn't have birth control.
I decided to remain childfree because I didn't want to lose my money, freedom, or sanity. Bringing a kid into this world is like breeding more animals even though there are millions in shelters - totally ignorant, arrogant and irresponsible.
Choosing not to have children is not selfish or self centred. It is a valid choice and a smart one when you really don't feel any desire to have children. I love my daughter to pieces and I have no regrets about having her but if I had my life over, I would definitely make different choices, and I probably would have never had a child.
The tokophobia one hits right at home for me. I have nightmares of becoming pregnant. I also know that it’s expensive to raise kids and the anxiety of wanting them to turn out okay when you didn’t and you don’t want the cycle to continue makes the whole idea so much worse.
What I take away from this is: children are undesirable because childless adults don't want to make sacrifices, they're scared of all the possible ways that things could go wrong and so don't want to even try, and they have some bizarre idea that children are "for" literally any other human being. If they don't want children, I'm not interested in changing their minds, but people need to know that children aren't "for" anyone; parents are "for" the children.
Taking away the world being s**t for a moment, these are my personal issues with having children: depression, anxiety, possible autism, biraciality, being LGBT, anger management issues, no parental nature, family history of cancer and Alzheimer's, and the best reason: I do not care to have one. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do we need a goddamn reason to not have children? Plenty of idiots are (and those not so stupid), why do you care that each and every individual has a kid? It's like asking a person why their favorite color is their favorite. Just leave it the hell alone.
Reading all of this while my toddler is sitting in my lap watching peppa pig. Nothing in life can prepare you for having kids. If you don't want them that's ok. The world doesn't need more unwanted children, born to poverty or to any kind of illness. F what everyone is saying. They will not raise your child if anything happens
For me, a big reason is that I'm just not sure I'd be able to raise them "properly." If they grow up unhappy, I'd just hate myself for failing and bringing someone into the world just to make them miserable. And then I also worry about any hidden genetic surprises I might pass onto them.
Honestly did the no kid thing til late, married my wife with 3 kids. I have been there from 2 and 5yo and honestly you don't know what you're missing without them. Yes it's work but good things take effort. The oldest was 13 when his father passed. He's been a chore but I hold hope. I didn't enter wanting kids but she is with it and they are too.
That's fine for you. I've managed to live for 69 years being blissfully child-free. I have enough on my plte taking care of other people's.
Load More Replies... I like the free and easy nature of my life too much to do that. I don't even feel the urge. So that's that. Besides, having gone through a violent childhood, I really don't want to turn into my old man and continue that f*cked up cycle.
Tokophobia for me. How anyone calmly discusses childbirth is beyond me. my brain thins "Don't you know where they come out of??!!!!" There just aren't enough drugs. That and climate change and I'm terribly lazy and not that interested. The whole kit-n-kaboodle.
I agree 100% with each & everyone of you! I'm a 69 year old woman who has never once regretted not having children.
Being the oldest sibling, I not only see how much of a toll my little brother takes on my parents, but when they have other stuff to do, I get stuck playing parent. I've had him choke once under my supervision (luckily he was able to cough it out on his own with me patting his back firmly, I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been able to) and I've seen him be sick, I can't imagine being totally responsible for a little human ALL the time. And while I would be a good mother, I just don't want to be. I do love kids though, and I want to be an elementary school teacher in the future. If I do ever have kids, they'll be adopted teens.
I do have kids, I love them and dreamed about being a a Mom.... but I screwed up with the Father I chose, now I'm stuck, trying to raise them and heal myself at the same time. No regrets? Kind of hard to tell.
My experience is that one, average (read: what people would call normal) kid in a two person, healthy relationship is feasible. But so many people who have one kid end up having multiple, without being able to properly manage them, and without any outside support that it just rightfully embitters the experience for so many others.
I hate the idea of identity loss and freedom. I was heavily emotionally abused and forced into isolation as a teen, being locked in my room 24/7, and I was homeschooled and had no friends. Now I'm 20, in college, living with my mom and new dad (disowned my biological father), with a bunch of friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a job, this is the greatest part of my life and the idea of losing all that for some drooling meatloaf is just extremely unappealing. The idea of being pregnant sounds awful, especially considering I love the way I look and don't want to change it or feel consistently sick for 9 months. I have PTSD and I'm autistic and I don't think I'm stable enough, especially considering I tend to be sensitive to noise. Maybe I'll change my mind some day, but it won't be for a while.
They're too expensive, I like my sleep, and I get irritated very easily.
I like kids, I work with them as a therapist and teacher and I love that. But I still don't want to have any of my own. My job teaches me every day what a challenge raising kids is and I am certain I am not capable of it. On the other hand, I love my job and the kids I work with so much I wouldn't want to leave them for months or even years.
30 examples of self-centered sociopathy. Wouldn't surprise me if a handful went on to shoot up a couple schools...
I would like to have kids but I know it's not a good idea (for now at least) so I don't. I can't afford them, I like sleep, and I know I have to work on sensory issues that I know they would make worse.
As a child who was born unplanned, and the wrong gender, I was resented all my life. My father had a family before. They did not even raise me. So - that's what makes me a pro-choice, do not be forced to bring a child into this world unless you absolutely want to. You will save a lot of heartache. Funny that no one really thinks about all this from the child's point of view...
My own parents were enough of a reason not to have any. Couldn't imagine them as grandparents.
I would never have kids because A.) I do not, and likely will never have the sanity to take care of a child, and B.) Have three siblings who, unless they decide to go childfree, can give my mom all the grandkids she wants. Idgaf.
I agree. You're responsible for a whole human from the time they pop out to the time they're no longer minors, and even after, they're still connected to us in ways they won't be to anyone else. It's a lifelong title and responsibility not to be taken lightly.
Kids these days are so dumb, the economic system is depressive and is only getting worse. Too much child trafficking, and the state of the world is in shambles. Women who have kids think they will have a disney-esque marriage when men are not biologically built to enjoy one woman for life. They entrap the man with kids and ignore the man's needs. Mental health issues, population issues, to have kids just to force your beliefs upon them and produce more labor rats. This world is cruel enough, why force another being to endure what you hated.
i rather adopt a child since i have a huge fear that i may die giving birth. i fear this because ill never see the child grow up and my husband may have to raise the child on his own. so i rather not risk my life and adopt a child in need
I've been told by multiple people on multiple occasions that I'd make a wonderful father. I don't doubt that, however I can barely take care of myself, so why would I want to take care of kids? I like having the freedom to do what I want when I want how I want. If something happened and got someone pregnant I would do the right thing and man up, but I guarantee it wouldn't be easy.
I have struggled with chronic Epstein-Barr my whole adult life and its common for me to have extreme fatigue episodes. I also have Lipedema, which is a fat disorder and is commonly exacerbated significantly by pregnancy. Simply put, I don't think I have the physical stamina for pregnancy and child raising. I think it would ruin my health and my body. Women don't talk enough about the long-term consequences of pregnancy and child raising on their physical health.
What makes me not want to have kids? Being around other people's kids.
i personally have a very thin band of control and would never want that to be put on a kid as both my parents have the same thin band and i am in a horrible mental state . also im not very responsible and dont want to neglect a kid. long story short dont want to ruin a kid. i might adopt an older kid when i get older but not a really young child
The headline suggests people want kids by default, when I don't think that's the case. Disinterest is self explanatory, but I put it this way: Whatever experience you had that made you want kids, I either didn't have it, or didn't react the same as you. As a child I daydreamed about being an adult all the time but never about being a parent. Whenever I see a father and son, I never identify with the Dad. I see only my past, not my future. I grew up with several married relatives that weren't ever having kids and it was never an issue, so all options were known. I also joke that I wasn't interested in kids even when I was one. I was always more interested in adults.
I honest to goodness wish I could understand why ppl want kids (or have a drive to have them) but I simply DONT. and I hate because literally everyone acts like I'm either terrible, selfish, stupid, crazy, or that ill "have them someday" i am so sick of this mentality. I'm tired of being called selfish when the main reason I don't want kids is tokophobia, the state of the world and my physical and mental illnesses. I'm so fvcking sick of this world..
Being a parent means coming to grips with pain. I grew up unprotected from an abusive father Yet, when I became a victim of the Dalkon Shield device and told I’d never be a parent - I wanted a baby in the worst way. IVF left me infertile poorer and second-guessing myself. We adopted -- a beautiful 7 week old baby boy. I was never happier - I was part of a happy family that was/is full of love - for 16 years. Needless to say - that was when the pain set in - it’s called adolescence. He is an adult on his own living 2000 mi away - I am happy - when he is happy. I know he loves us but getting him to love himself - honestly - is another issue altogether. So, while I don’t love the pain - I acknowledge it as a fact of life - whether it’s brought on by kids or other factors.
I don’t regret having kids but it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have 3 children 14,12 and 11. Two boys and a girl. The guy I had them with left before my daughter was born. No contact since then. I have been raising them myself. My 12 year old is autistic and has adhd. I have been in a relationship for 10 years. He has two boys ages 20 and 16. We have lived separate for over 5 years now because sometimes blending children does not work. We love each other and will spend the rest of lives together but having to live separate is so very difficult. I love being a mom and love my children but I would never tell someone to have kids.
I have a congenital birth defect that I f*****g refuse to pass down, I’m currently trying to get sterilized but I’m only 23 so it’s been a giant pain in the a*s.
Sterilization of one or both parties in a marriage can be a factor. ;) [Yah, one kid was enough!]
I was the oldest daughter of 5, and then some extended family members moved into our house from a bad situation, so there were several small children and 3 babies. I was mini-Mom, with no time to myself at home. I had to give up my bedroom for my grandparents; I had a reclining chair for sleep, a dresser in the living room, and 1 bookshelf for my things. I fell asleep in my classes, my grades plummeted, I failed out of the nice high school I'd gotten into. I eventually got sent to live with other family members who were unwilling to help with the rest of the extended family situation (but always rubbed it in that they "took me in" as if I was some kind of delinquent... not even close!) I love my little siblings and cousins fiercely. They were so cute... I would often fall asleep holding the little ones (they didn't have beds then either). Watching them grow up has been amazing. All the things I sacrificed so that they could be okay, I couldn't possibly take back. But this has...(cont'd)
(wow, I guess Bored Panda doesn't do line breaks in comments? 😑 Anyway...) ... But this has left me with a strong feeling of "I've already done it." I've already made major, deeply difficult, permanent alterations to the course of my own life for the well-being of a gaggle of little children and babies, who I loved so mind-bogglingly much that I was 100% willing to go without the opportunities and personal life milestones I will never be able to get back. Parenthood holds no novely for me now. I may not have done it as an adult with control over my own life, but I've already experienced all of the feelings, hardships, joys, closed doors and sacrifices. I don't have any inner need to do it again.
Load More Replies... Genetic health issues including severe mental illness, generational trauma, personal trauma, my inability to coordinate my own s**t (how would I coordinate someone else's too?), the state of the world, the state of the US, etc, etc.
1. I had baby nephews and sibling when I was 13. Best contraception, EVER. 2. Selfishness? Or self-careishness. I have chronic illnesses and mental ill health. 3. State of the planet. 4. State of the planet’s population. 5. Can’t rule out risk of multiple pregnancy. (Sister had bio-identical twins so my risk is naturally increased). 6. Cats are much easier. 7. Even as a kid, I avoided the “homey” areas at playgroup. No kitchen, no babies, no prams. 8. Lack of equity. It all falls to mum. In the 1950’s perhaps that worked. But nowadays, kid is sick? School calls mum (in the majority of instances). 9. I would refuse to use people for support. My sister had mum, and now dad running around to her tune as her husband left. 10. Can’t guarantee a “healthy” child. My friends son was severely disabled due to birth errors. My sisters son was healthy until 17, rare virus, brain damaged, mobility issues, severe epilepsy. 11. Kids are forever, not just for 18 years.
One thing that really makes me laugh about this topic is the notion that people need to have kids to take care of them when they are old. I cannot tell you how many people I have known that are totally gobsmacked that their kids don't have time for them and some don't even communicate with their parents that much. And then there is the other disaster that nobody talks about... the kids have kids and leave them with the grandparents to raise. I know of one woman who adopted a girl....at 16 she had a child , handed the responsibility of raising back to her mom because she couldn't handle it, and then went on to have more kids...which she raised. I lost contact with the family- don't know how things turned out. Oh, the kid that was given to granny to raise..he was divorced twice before he was 30. And yes - he had a kid too. It's really nuts.
My reason is that I'm hideously ugly, and no woman would want to have a child that looks like me. I don't blame them either.
Sleep!! There are several reasons I do not want kids, but #1 is that I love and need my sleep. If I don’t sleep well for several nights, I get grumpy and angry and I don’t like myself. When you have kids, you don’t ever get a chance to sleep well! No thank you! I’ll stick with kittens! 🐈⬛
I strongly believe that if someone doesn't want kids then they shouldn't have them... But! Do not get annoyed or pissed at parents who try to have family dinner out or the parent who is just trying to get the shopping done. Remember, when we need the next generation to take over as we age out. Side note, had i be able to see the mental health problems that developed, i would not have had kids. I love them but i feel I'm not giving them what they need and want. It hurts.
We had our son young and are now free of responsibility and it’s fantastic.
My responses over the years when asked why my wife and I don’t have any kids varies. 1. My wife and I figured out what causes kids and we stopped. 2. We thought we would wait until we are mature enough to raise kids. (I’m 69 years old now.) 3. We would be the perfect parents and don’t want to show up our friends and make them jealous. We are doing it for you. 4. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?
I like kids in the same way that i like horses and Newton's Cradles. I like them, I have fun with them. But i like them for other people. I like going over and saying hi, maybe playing a few games. I would not enjoy having my own, because as terrible as it sounds, they are expensive and I would tire of them quickly. I am much better at and am much happier being the Aunty figure.
My former upstairs neighbour obviously doted on his two little girls. But, I got fed up with him playing hide and seek with them at ten o'clock on a Wednesday night, when other people - me for example - are in bed trying to sleep.
A lot of this hit home. I never really wanted kids but have been pregnant. Once by assault. Lost each one and blamed myself for it while constantly having people tell me I would be such a good mom. I have so much trauma I did not want to pass on. Later married a man with two daughters. The youngest was in her late teens when we got married. I still damaged that relationship - not even my own biological child - because of untreated mental health issues. I know it goes both ways but I own my part, and fwiw that was the push I needed to finally start unpacking the decades of abuse I have survived. I do love both of my husband’s daughters but cannot ever envision being close to them.
Most of these are ppl complaining about children whose parents taught them to be sh*tty in one way or the other. Most of my life I thought I hated kids. Turns out it's their parents and their behaviour I hate. Well, in many cases it's only when the adults enter the parenting-role that I hate them. I have some friends that are so great! But I don't think they are good at parenting which results in badly behaved children that demands so much attention.
Good the world doesn't need more whinny people like you, that the idea of raising innocent souls disgusts you so much. Only have kids if your capable of loving someone other than yourself. If you treat them like mistakes and burdens then yes they'll grow up to be little shits like their parents. Kids and babies are the BEST people in the whole world because they know nothing of hatred that is something thats learned from pessimists like you who are blind to all the beauty on this planet. Raise them with love and they'll be good, happy people, if not they'll grow up to be as miserable as you.
So much to unpack. I planned my children, I loved them and gave up myself and everything I was for them willingly. The sore nipples, the sleepless nights, night after night whilst I watched their father sacrifice nothing, continuing his life like a single man, including his girlfriends one after the other. No matter. I loved, I gave, I gave up myself. When I finally gave up the marriage, finally understanding that I married an immature, selfish, egotistical, inauthentic and dishonest man-child, and then was confronted by the hate that only the hate of children can effect you. Hate based on the lies of a patent who gave up nothing, lived the single life and gaslighted me and the children. Then I realised how I should never have had children, for their sake, not mine. The pain of losing your children in this circumstance is beyond words.
Lot of these i can relate to. I like the freedom to go to conversations n travel. The world is shitshow that i cant justify bringing a kid into (especially going into psychology) i dont have the body to handle it (im very short n skinny). I have genetic condition that can be very frustrating to deal with. Id 100% rather adopt
Besides just not liking children, I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, and epilepsy. Also, being on social security and making less than $11,000 annually (which means I have to live at home), there is no way I could ever afford everything needed to raise a child. Lastly, one of my dogs isn't kid friendly.
If you love kids and choose to have good for you ☺️. If you don't like them to much and don't want, please have sex with protection and make sure you never have, and even if that does not work there are plenty of programs for people that does not want kids and they can place them on a lovely family that can't have one on their own. If you want to adopt, good for you too ☺️. There are a lot of different ways to form your own family, people stop judging others just because you don't think the same as them.
While I enjoyed and loved my kids, you have no real clue as to what your partner and their influencers will devolve into.
So many topics lately about not wanting kids and no topics how people actually are happy that they have kids or actually want them. Why is that so?
There are a billion articles of pro parent propaganda. It's about time the stigma of wanting to remain child free is removed, because we are STILL judged by angry parents who either didn't know they had a choice or just had so little sense they didn't even consider if it was a good idea or not
Load More Replies... No one mentioned the potential child justice system railroading you, because your ex lied and they don't care. 120,000 dollars and counting and that's for losing
I have kids, I absolutely adore them and love them soooo much. I'm single mom of two.. it's very difficult to raise kids on my own. HONESTLY I thinks age 2, 3 and 4 are absolutely WORST, WORST!!!! my last baby who is 3 now omg. Just omg! Lol. If I could rewind time, I would rather adopt older children lol. But I don't regrettably having them. I just can't wait for my last baby to turn 5 in two years later cuz my oldest son who is 5 now and he's absolutely ANGEL I absolutely love that boy! I love my last baby as well it's just man, toddler sure driving a parent nuts!!! Lol. And this is why I got tubes tied as well. I'm so done having kids and I'm absolutely don't want to go through toddler phase all over again as well. So if you are a person don't want any children then it's understandable, they are alot of work that's for sure!
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then😂😁
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then.
No worries I am working on having lots of kids for you. They are the best thing that could happen to a human being, sure its hard, but it makes you less centered on yourself, if you are a lover of self, without natural affection, don't have them.
When I was in my 20s, I shared pretty much all the thoughts listed here about kids. But things started to change after I turned 30. I felt my life was just keeping running after goals, each goal became less meaningful after achieve d. My kid has provided an anchor for me in life. I get to build a relationship with someone deeply and experience life all over again with him. It's like planting a little tree. Like gardening, parenting is hardwork but it's also very rewarding. Yes we are all flawed and we probably will all unconsciously cause damage to our kids. But as long as you love them, you will want to improve yourself too. I grow with my kid every day, as a parent, also as an individual.
I have kids. I do not regret them one bit. I was told I wouldn't be able to carry a child, and that tore me up inside. Then unexpectedly I got pregnant by someone that I wasn't serious with. I was just a fling and we both were ok with that. Long story short, her bio dad chose not to stick around. It was a shock to both of us when I actually carried a child unlike what the doctor stated before. It's been a struggle giving her the correct parenting by myself. If it wasn't for my mom, idk what I would have done with work, school, ect. What worse than being a single parent to a beautiful baby, is years later having a son that passed at 2 month, 2 weeks, and 2 days. Yes I hate the number 2. It kills a part of you. Today actually makes the 3rd year since he passed. I'm scared of even if my daughter has kids when she is older. I'm terrified something could happen to her baby, AND SHE'S ONLY 12! It puts a dark cloud on having a baby. Some things you can't control and losing a child that you love changes you.
Lol yes they are love hate relationship!!! I agree with a lot of the captions but you always forget old age!!!! What happens when your spouse dies and your alone or disabled? Pretty sure you wished you had a family to take care you!!! Nope nursing home and you die alone.... Kids are a burden with benefits for sure and beat any darn video game!!! Plus who do you leave all your stuff too?
Raising a children is the sweetest experience of my life. Nothing worthwhile is often easy! No amount of travel, comforts, girls trips, spa days or quiet nights in could ever replace the joys of family life and and parenthood. This is honestly the saddest collection of comments I've ever read. Children bring light to a home and to the world- if they don't, that's on us as parents and mentors. If you fret about the state of the world, then change it by raising powerful humans who will do good!
#32 Kids grow up to be assholes who hate people not just like them. At least in your case.
Load More Replies... Honestly, some decent responses on this list but a LARGE portion of it is just "Cause I don't wanna" rephrase. I get that's the point of the list, but when paired with some of the actual good points in the article a lot of it just feels like filler in comparison. I respect it though. I enjoy my daughter, I was doing s**t else but be irresponsible with my life anyways, wanting to be a dad helped me more than hurt. The passing on of trauma one is one that hits home the most so I'm always scared of overparenting or messing up in some way that continues instead of breaking the cycle. But, that made me actually confront and try to fix my own s**t instead of sinking in it. Again, I always respect people taking precautions to prevent pregnancy though instead of being one of those "You shouldn't be a parent, parents" so nice list of reasons and seeing other perspective.
All these people will likely have kids at some point. It’s the same ole song and dance until the biological clock starts ticking.
Sounds to me like you think everybody has the resources to do what you did.
Load More Replies... . Have some respect for the others, we speak about giving life, here. I guess you have or want a child, i respect that. But I hope for them to not have your mentality.
Load More Replies... 